Original subtitles

[TONY] Dang girl, that's a lot of food.

Who you preparin' to feed, all the Wayan's?

I actually have more bags in the car.

Mm-mm-mm. Well you know what? I got an idea. This Thanksgiving...

- Let's just do pizza. - Pizza?

Really Tony?

Wait, wait, hear me out, hear me out.

With uh, stuffing and gravy as the toppings? Mm! Don't knock it until you try it.

Uh, you do know Thanksgiving is about more than just food, Tony.

It's about family and being appreciative of what you have, you know? But...

what I actually don't have enough of right now is uh, the butter...

nutmeg and pecans. So could you please be a dear

and go to the store for me?

With all the stuff you bought, you sure there's anything left at the store?

Just do what I asked Tony. Don't you know the rules? Happy wife, happy life.

Yes dear.

Thank you. Uh, also, question, is your mother going-

Uh, you know damn well my mother's bringing that dry-ass rhubarb pie.

You hate it too?

Me and my brother had to suffer through that growing up.

Ugh... why didn't you tell her?

Y'all must be talkin' about grandma's rhubarb pie.

One word for it: yuck!

I got one word for you: haircut.

Aww come on mom! This is how everyone's doin' it nowadays.

You ain't seen The Weekend's hair yet?

Yeah I've seen his hair. And I know why he can't feel his face.

Look, we ain't waitin' 'til the weekend, okay?

We gonna get yours cut right now. To the barbershop.

♪ Woke up and my wife said to me ♪

♪ The bill collectors won't let me be ♪

♪ The kids keep talkin' back to me ♪

♪ Family Time, Family Time

[BARBER] Look Rodney, I don't know man, thats kinda rough.

[BARBER] Look Rodney, I don't know man, thats kinda rough.

You gonna need some help with that?

Am I? Come on dog, man when the last time you had a haircut?

Am I? Come on dog, man when the last time you had a haircut?

1969?

Y'all so old school, y'all just don't know what's up.

Hello fellas, fellas, fellas!

[ALL] Willy!

Hey, what up, what up? Hey listen, got a holiday joke for you.

Say how come the Easter Bunny always hides the eggs?

I dunno, why?

'Cause he don't want anybody to find out he been sleepin' with them chickens.

[LAUGHING]

Hey that's funny Willy, but that's the wrong holiday.

Hey, all holidays are scams anyway.

It's just the government trying to trick people into spending a whole lot of money

at the end of the year. And speakin' of spend a lot of money...

Man, I got some nice merchandise today!

I'm movin' some thangs. Some telephones, watches...

We got we got, uh, cigars, a CD, DVD.

Young man, look here. You want to get yourself one of these, uh...

Pretty girl magazines? Though you can't show this to your-

Hey, oh-whoa, whoa, Willy. Thats my son.

Oh. Oh Stallworth, I-I'm sorr- I didn't know that was your boy.

I did not know that was your boy.

Fine lookin' young man. Hey, lookit here. Um...

I'm world famous Willy Wright.

Hello Mr. Wright. I'm Devin.

Why they call you world famous?

Well young buck, let's just say I've got a heck of a past.

Okay? Uh, oh! Tony...

Are y'all gonna be havin' Thanksgiving at your house this year?

- Oh yeah. - Oh, good. Well, make sure you

invite Rodney. That way you're guaranteed to have at least one turkey.

[LAUGHING]

Move there, move there.

Well he had to move, you couldn't get through there if he was standin' there.

- Well you know what? - You hafta slide on through sideways.

Well I bet you could get through with them yellow teeth. 'Cause every time you

smile, everything slow down.

You so fat your drawers got stretch marks.

- You're momma's so ugly... - Mm-hmm.

That she had a mouth in the back her neck, she chew like this.

You got enough meat on your nose to make a ham sandwich. [LAUGHING]

Your head so damn big, you have to step into your turtlenecks.

[LAUGHING]

Uh, Mr. Willy? I'll buy one of your DVD's.

Thank you.

I'm 'bout to buy- I'll buy one too.

You gonna buy one too? Yeah, I'm gonna need this money

to try to help him with this diet program.

Listen, um...

Uh, you like drama?

You got any action movies?

Oh yeah this is action, too. Um...

That's "Driving Miss Daisy", you know, the black version, called

"Drivin' Miss Daisy Crazy", and then there's the super-black version called

"Drizin' Lazy Miss Daisy Crazy".

[LAUGHING]

[TONY] You know they got "Driving Miss Daisy" on Getflix.

Probably much better quality, too, than that bootleg DVD you just bought.

Yeah, but I figured I'd help him out.

Oh that's nice of you son. Well, considering you used the allowance that I gave you

It was nice of me.

What's Willy's story, anyway?

His story? I don't know.

I don't know, he just comes into the shop and sells stuff.

Yeah but, everyone's got a story. What'd he do before he started comin' in the shop?

That's a good question. I mean, he comes in, takes shots at us, we

take shots back at him. It's all in good fun.

Where's Willy live?

I don't know son. I mean, unfortunately, he probably lives on the streets.

Aww man, really? You know, he seems like a really nice guy.

Hey Willy'll be alright. Especially as long as he's got suckers to buy his

DVD's. "cause, them thangs... Oh but not you, not you. I-I'm not

talkin' about you. You a good kid.

[BEVERLY] I am so looking forward

to this Thanksgiving dinner.

You know what? I am too, Beverly.

I respect that you are the woman of

this house, and I don't want to be that

overbearing monster-in-law.

[COUGHING] Too late.

I, uh, I'm very happy that we're having this open dialogue.

You know? I think we should really be able yo improve

Thanksgiving every year.

Oh that is so good to hear Lisa.

So I'll be taking over the mashed potatoes.

- What's that? - No offense Lisa...

but your mashed potatoes are dreadful.

Rachel's macaroni and cheese is dry...

and everyone knows Lori's biscuits are store-bought.

You don't have to worry about Lori's store-bought biscuits

Because she's actually going to be at a Tank concert this Thanksgiving

so she won't be here.

Last year, the turkey was undercooked.

What? No, no! I just don't believe in overcooking it so it won't be dry, dry, dry!

Yes, yes, yes, of course dear...

but it's not supposed to

bleed when you cut into it and get up and scream!

And since you're just so gracious

to take mashed potatoes off my plate, I'm gonna go ahead and handle dessert.

- Handle dessert? - Yes.

Well what do you have in mind?

Well, I'm thinking what's Thanksgiving without some sweet potato pie?

- Okay. - Love that.

And I'm thinkin' probably coconut cake.

Wonderful! Those will go

great with my famous rhubarb pie.

Ooh... [CLEARS THROAT]

That's the point there Beverly. Uh, you don't even need

to go through the hassle, I-we-it's all taken care of.

It's no hassle at all! I've been making that pie for years. I've...

got it down to a science, and everyone loves it.

Mm-mm-mmkay, you know what?

Uh, I think it will be overkill. I really do.

Oh, Lisa, it's Thanksgiving!

And what is Thanksgiving all about?

People stuffing themselves

first of all, and then

leftovers!

Oh! [DISINGENUOUS CHUCKLING]

[MUSIC]

Yes indeed...

Hey Tony, how's the turkey coming?

Oh it's all set in my brand new deep frier.

All I gotta do is set this bad-boy up outside, and in less than an hour

it'll be cooked to perfection!

Um question though, was I supposed to take the feathers off first?

- What? - I'm ju- I'm just joking.

[SCOFFS]

Hey mom! What can I do to help?

Actually baby, you can help me wash the vegetables and then

open a couple cans of cranberry for me.

Oh, I mean help as in let me lick the cake bowl.

You wanna help your mom or not?

Let me help you as a food critic.

Mm... needs more work, mom. I'll be back.

What?

- Hey! - Move!

baby, can you go outside and help your dad with that turkey

before he burns this house down?

No problem mom.

Oh, and can I have some friends over for Thanksgiving?

Of course! The more the merrier. Sharing is caring.

Thanks mom.

Mm! That needs some work.

Alright Lisa, where is that mother-in-law of yours?

I need her to look at this creamy mac'n cheese and then tell me it's too dry.

Mm! That is very creamy.

'Cause I added a secret ingredient.

- Oh! - Mayonnaise!

It's not a secret if you tell me, Rachel.

And that is really nasty!

Eww! Disgusting! Who puts Mayo in mac'n cheese?

Somebody that wants it to be creamy.

Anyway, please tell me you talked to Beverly about not making that rhubarb pie of hers.

Yeah, I did actually...

Oh, good, 'cause I do not want to have to get my stomach pumped again.

That woman is still bringing that nasty damn pie.

Mm.

Todd and Vivian are so luck that they're gonna be out of town and get to miss that pie.

Vivian's uncle died, they're at a funeral.

Like I said... lucky them.

[MUSIC]

[TEXTING CLICKS]

[LISA] Um, hey you two, do you feel like helping?

I mean, yeah, but you don't let us be on the phone or nuthin' during dinner.

So we're getting all of our texting out of the way now.

Well don't you look nice Ebony, kind of like Dorothy.

Here come the wicked witch of the west.

Don't start with me, Kentucky Fried Dre.

[DOORBELL]

Hey! Mom, dad!

Hey there son! It's good to be here on my

favorite holiday of the year.

Christmas is your favorite holiday.

Yeah, what she said. Uh... where's the remote?

Hello! Ah!

I knew there would be a lot of you here today

so I made an extra large

rhubarb pie! I'll just take this in the kitchen.

I tried to talk her out of it, but she insisted on the extra

large rhubarb pie.

Wait. You hate that pie too?

Well I know I might be old son, but my tastebuds ain't dead!

I told you! Nobody likes that pie.

Yeah, what the hell is a rhubarb anyway?

Darius, why don't you just ask her not to make the pie?

I ain't tryin' to get decapitated.

She made that pie on my very first date.

I had to pretend to like it so I could...

get some of that other pie.

Oh! Come in dad, that is disgusting.

Hell, if it wasn't for me pretending to like that pie son, you

might not exist.

Mm. That's two reasons I don't like that pie.

Well, what're you all talking about?

Oh, just how wonderful that

rhubarb pie of yours is, just... mm!

[DOORBELL]

Oh! I'll get it.

- Hey Rodney. - Hey pretty lady!

Hey everybody! It's time...

for me to take y'all to another level. For we have Rodney's...

world famous... make your tongue slap your brains out mac and cheese!

Oh no, no, that's okay, I already made the mac and cheese.

Wha-wait, wait, Rodney, does your mac and cheese have mayonnaise in it?

Hell no! Who the hell put mayonnaise in mac and cheese?

That is the correct answer. Uh, set that over there please.

Alright. Was that you that made that? [DOORBELL]

Wait, who is that? Everybody's already here.

- Oh that should be my friend I invited. - Oh.

Willy?

[CLEARS THROAT]

[MUSIC]

[DEVIN] Dad, you know Willy. Willy, this is my whole family.

Hello everyone, I'm glad to meet all of y'all.

Damn. Y'all let anybody in here.

That's right ya Gerald Levert lookin' double meat eater.

You sure put a lot of pressure on that jacket.

Uh, hey Willy, make yourself at home.

Devin, can we talk to you in the kitchen for a second please?

Yeah.

Devin what the hell is Willy doing here?

A better question is, who the hell is Willy?

Got my living room smelling like a bag of armpits.

He's my friend. You said I could have a friend.

It's Thanksgiving. He didn't have anywhere to go and I felt bad.

Lisa, Willy is a panhandler that hangs around the barbershop.

I just wish he woulda walked through a car wash before he came over here.

Oh hey Tony, lookie here lookie here. I know

we be cuttin' each other down at the barbershop all the time, but I want

you to know I really appreciate y'all openin' up your home to me on

Thanksgiving.

Mm. Yeah well I can't take all the credit, it's ah

it's on Devin this time.

Ah, that's a good boy, you raised him well.

You know, and I brought a little libation to celebrate

the occasion. Uh, O.D. Riple.

Naw, that's Ripple. That's Ripple. It's cheap.

But it can get you where you wanna go, and it get you there quick, fast

and in a hurry.

Oh, okay, well thank you Willy.

Alright. You wanna sip that, though. Don't, don't drink that too fast.

Come on Willy, let me take your coat and introduce you around.

Ooh don't touch the coat, I'd have to cut ya.

Okay Tony, what're you gonna do about that?

What? You the one that said he can have a guest over. So what you gonna do about that?

And good luck. I'll take that libation, though.

Tony!

[MUSIC]

[DARIUS] Man I feel like I got that itis! Son!

You did your thang with that fried turkey.

Yeah look, I can't lie, I burnt up the backyard and that damn

turkey. This one's store bought.

- CostLo? - You know it. - Hey!

Rachel, this macaroni and cheese...

- Outstanding. - Thank you.

A-actually Mrs. Stallworth, that's the one I put together.

And uh, I used a little extra heavy cream and

like four cheeses.

- Oh? Oh yeah? - Quit bragging.

I think we should go around and everybody just say what they're grateful for.

- Oh, I like that. - And I wanna do something different.

Oh, uh, who's... Ebony?

Oh man do we have to?

Yes we do, and you're gonna start. Stand up.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Okay. Thankful for my mom, my grandmom, and my aunt.

So I didn't have to cook anything.

- Ah, goodness. - Isn't that sweet?

I ain't standin' up. Look, I'm thankful for the lotto.

'Cause there's a whole lot of y'all up in here, and I wouldn't

be able to feed y'all without it.

[LAUGHING]

Alright um... guys I just wanna say

Um, I'm thankful for this wonderful spread and

and especially for the fact that none of us had to partake

in the, uh, mac and cheese over there with the

mayo slathered all on it. That Rachel made.

I'm very thankful for that.

And I'm thankful to God for giving me the strength not to choke out the

black Barney Rubble right here on this couch!

I'm thankful for family.

Because I mean, whether or not we get along, we're all we have.

Well said Lisa.

And I am thankful for another year to provide my family

with my famous rhubarb pie.

Which you all love.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

And I'm thankful

that Beverly makes this rhubarb pie

all year around, not just at Thanksgiving.

Uh, mind-mind if I go next?

Okay. [CLEARS THROAT]

[BLOWS OUT BREATH]

I am thankful to spend this time with such a wonderful family.

If I wasn't here, I would be at some homeless shelter spending my time

with a bunch of have-nots and has-beens.

But Mr. Willy, you're not a has-been. What if you just haven't had your big break yet?

Oh, I've had my break. I've had many breaks.

I mean I almost made it to the top.

Top of what, Willy?

The top of the charts, Tony.

Now, I know this might've been a little bit before your time, but like I've been

tellin' your son, I once had a deal with Mo Town.

[LAUGHING]

What-what the hell up in that bottle you been sippin' off of all evening?

It's the truth, Rodney.

I mean, I had it made. I was almost there.

And I made one bad decision, and I end up on skid row.

You didn't have any family that could help you?

Nope. I disappointed everybody that loved me.

W-what about your daughter?

Well young buck, like I said to you earlier...

I haven't talked to my daughter in 20 years.

Willy, I didn't even know you had a daughter.

There's a lot about me that you don't know.

I know you need some deodorant.

I mean, just bein' this close? I mean it's burnin' my nose hairs.

Well you know I probly should get some from your mama

before I kicked her out my cardboard box we shared.

[LAUGHING]

Alright.

I haven't even been able to say what I'm thankful for yet.

Aww, baby well go ahead.

I'm thankful for the internet.

Hey hey, you stay off them adult websites.

Oh, go down the DM's.

I didn't clear my search history? Anyway...

After I talked to Mr. Willy this morning

I searched the internet to find his daughter.

Wa-wait, wait a minute. You found Yvette?

Oh my God... So-so how's she doin'?

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Why don't you ask her yourself?

What?

She said she wanted to see you in person, so I invited her over.

Hi. I'm Yvette.

You must be Devin.

- Yes ma'am. Come on in. - Hi, it's nice to meet you.

Dad.

[MUSIC]

[WILLY] Yvette... how'd you find me?

You have this young man to thank for that. He found me and told me where you'd be.

Oh, oh well, you know I...

I ain't really want you to see me like this. I mean, I'm...

- I'm a mess. - It doesn't matter to me.

W-but it matters to me. And I'm...

I kno-I know y'all been nice and everything. Thank you, thank

you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Um... but I'ma get on out of here.

No, no, no. Don't do that.

Yeah you go ahead and stay man, we already got used to the smell anyway.

Um, how-how long has it been since you two seen each other?

- It's been 20 years. - Damn.

Yeah. 20 long years I...

I mean I'm really sorry, I mean, ah...

I know I owe you an explanation. I-I... but, I don't know what to say.

I know you gotta be mad at me.

I know you want to give me a piece of your mind, and I deserve it.

If this was 10 years ago, I might be mad at you, but now I'm just...

I'm just happy my dad is alive and well.

Alive, yeah. Well...

Oh I don't know. I mean, I really don't even know what to say.

Why don't you just say whatever comes to your mind first Willy.

Yvette...

Would you like to buy one of these bootleg DVD's I got? I

- got this one right here- - Uh, you know what? I think I

have a better suggestion.

Yvette, why don't you come in have dinner with us?

- Okay. Thank you. - Alright. This way.

- Thank you. - They got a lot of stuff.

[MUSIC]

Well Willy man, I had no idea you used to

tour with the Temptations!

Hey man, more groups than that. In fact, the Temptations

actually did covers of several of my songs.

Not that I expect to ever see those royalties.

Well seein' as your daughter's an entertainment attorney...

I'm gonna work on that.

Alright everyone! It's that time.

Uh, bathroom?

- Yes, half way down the hall. - Take me with you!

Don't be silly Rachel! And miss out on this treat?

Come on kids.

You know I didn't account for-for Willy and, and Yvette, I

I'll go ahead and donate my piece.

Yeah, mine too, mine too.

Oh, that is very sweet. But don't worry, I made

plenty! And as a surprise...

I have an extra one in the trunk

of my car! Go ahead!

Everyone's got some? Okay! Dig in!

[LAUGHING]

- Thank heavens for that. - Beverly girl...

you have done it again. This, this pie is...

extraordinary.

Damn it! I don't mean to be rude.

I know y'all been real kind to me and my, my daughter and everything, but...

I'd rather starve in the street than eat another piece

of this rhubarb pie. Tastes like hell on a saucer.

- Well... - This is very rude.

No, mama, mama, listen. This has gone on long enough. Okay, I...

I don't even know how to say this.

We all hate your pie!

You do?

[ALL] Yes.

Hell yes.

Even you Darius?

Yes, dear.

Oh, well...

I am so...

happy to hear this! I hate making that damn pie!

Really?

[LAUGHING] Yes! You never saw me

eat it! I thought you all loved it!

I did it out of tradition!

Can we just kill this tradition right now?

Oh honey, consider it dead.

[ALL EXCLAIMING HAPPILY]

That's good. That is good!

Listen, I appreciate your hospitality, but I'm gonna have to be going now.

Oh, boo, don't go, please.

This, really?

[LAUGHING]

It is so good to see you after all this time.

Hey now look, on your way home, if you're passing by the shelter

maybe you can drop me off.

Daddy, you are not going to a shelter.

My husband and I have a five bedroom house.

And one of them's got your name on it.

Hey, that sound good to me.

Wait wait, but you're gonna have to leave the pie.

I'm gonna leave that, you don't have to worry about that.

Hey Devin, thank you for everything you've done for me, man.

I appreciate you.

[MUSIC]