Original subtitles

♪

Hey, y'all.

Uh-- the provider's home.

Now, how come I don't smell nothing I provided

being cooked?

Lisa?

Lisa?

Lisa?Huh?

Oh, hey, baby, when'd you get home?

Ooh, I hope you brought something to to eat.

Wow.

I can't even get no love from my kids?

I remember I used to get attacked at the front door,

now I'm just a paycheck?

Uh-- what's up, Daddy?

When'd you get home?

Can you get me that new smart phone?

I dropped mine.

Well, that wasn't very smart of you.

I can't get a hello,

but you can hit me up for some smartphone.

I mean, I would have called you and all,

but my phone is broken,

Well, whatever.

Look, I know I can at least get some love

from my baby girl.

Baby girl.

Did she just give me the finger?

Oh, hey, Daddy!

All right, look, I guess y'all

don't want to hear about my day.

I got some good news.

We gettin' a new car?

A new 60-inch?New lap tops.

Nah, nothing like that.

I'm about to close a huge deal at work.

You could be looking at the contractor

who beats out 30 other bidders to build a new strip mall.

Which could make us enough money

to buy two new cars, a 90-inch

and whatever my baby girl wants.

Okay.

Okay, you hear me now, you hear me now?

Okay, all right-- Can I get give 'em sugar?

You can get--

Now can we get some pots and pans

rattling up on there?

Oh, they'll be rattling...

as soon as you close that deal baby.

So, take-out?

Take-out.Take-out, it is.

All these smart phones, y'all can't even order a pizza.

♪ I woke up and my wife said to me ♪

♪ The bill collector's want their fees ♪

♪ Kids be talking back to me ♪

♪ Family time

♪ Family time, family time, family time ♪

♪

Damn, I been gone like 30 minutes

and y'all in the exact same spots.

Anyway, look, dinner is served.

Here you go, boy.

Ebony, this is for you.

Um, this is not what I wanted.

Um, that's what you eatin'.

Now can we at least put our devices down

so we can have dinner?

This is crazy.

I can't remember the last time we had some--

a family night.

Well, it's almost night time and we're all in the family...

what would you call this?

Boy, don't make me hurt you

when I'm trying to bring us closer together.

Me and my brother, we used to play games.

What happened to kids playing Checkers?

We playin' e-Checkers right now.

Your move, Ebony.

King me.

You just gonna let them ignore me

and do whatever the hell they want?

Lisa.Huh!

You on your little tablet?

That's nice-- Give me that.

Pete Anderson?

What are you doing being MyFaceSpace friends

with Pete Anderson?

And why is he liking every single one of your pictures?

'Cause I look good.

All right, you know what, that's it, that's it.

This family can't even have a normal dinner

because all of y'all are too preoccupied

with your little texts and your little games

and your little ex-boyfriends who obviously

didn't try to stay in shape since high school.

But all of that ends today.

Gimme your phones.

But, Dad, you said that if anybody

tries to take our phones that we don't let them have it

and we run.

Run, Ebony!

Back it up, back it up!

I will not be disrespected in my house.

Phones, now-- Put 'em in there.

Lisa?

Tony?

Uh, last time I checked, I was good and grown.

Baby, it's more of a suggestion box.

Look, see-- I'm in.

Technically, this is not a phone, it's a tablet.

Fine, fine-- Look, it's in there.

The other one.

Damn... man, you trippin'.

There.

All right, now starting today,

this family is going off technology for a week.

Define what you mean when you say technology.

Anything where you have to push a button to turn it on.

You are crazy.

No, no, I'm not doing that.

Baby, we need to be a united front on this, okay?

Set a good example for the kids.

We all gettin' way too caught up in social media

and not paying attention to us.

Baby, there ain't no way

this family is gonna make it through a week.

Yeah, what do you expect us to do?

Talk to each other?

Yes, that's exactly what I expect us to do:

Talk.

All right.

Can I get a padded bra?

Talk to your momma.

That was a good one.

I know.High five.

On second thought: hell no!

Aw... what happened to family night?

♪

What is going on?

What are you doing-- What's all this?

I'm tweeting by mail to my ten thousand followers

who now assume I'm dead.

Oh, well, back in the day we used to call this

"writing a letter".

Why don't you write a letter to Child Protective Services?

You know, this social media abuse has got to stop.

I finished my homework.

What am I supposed to do now?

I don't know, read a book.

How?

I can't turn on my e-reader.

Well, why don't you turn on your "b"-reader.

"B" as in book.

You can hold the pages and turn them and everything.

Check it out-- Kind of cool.

I hear book are what old people use

'cause they don't know how to turn on the e-reader.

You can suck it up for a week.

But in technology time a week is an eternity.

Ohh, my gosh, relax, little miss drama queen.

Nothing that big is gonna happened in a week.

Man, you old people, y'all just don't get it.

Who you calling old?

Ooh-- Ah-- my back.

Hmm.

What's wrong with y'all?

Oh, they up in here poutin'.

Ain't nothing to do around here.

Oh, there's plenty to do.

There's a rake outside and the grass ain't been cut.

Go and get some fresh air,

Outside?

That's what people in convalescent homes do.

To escape the stench of death?

Oh, your father is right.

We could use a fast from all this technology.

Daddy, please don't do this to us.

Girl, calm down.

You guys are spoiled.

I ain't doing nothing but enriching your lives.

Now go outside and ride your bikes.

Play, basketball-- Run.

Like me and my brother did.

In fact, I'm gonna call Todd and Vivian right now

so they can come over and we can have a game night.

Show you all how to have some fun-- Hmm.

But, Dad...

we only got two controllers to the game station.

I'm talking about board games, boy,

card games, Tonk.

Y'all don't know about no Tonk?

Ooh, they play that game for cigarettes on "Prison Break".

Okay, you see, now that's why TV is off limits.

That right there.

I didn't even know she watched that show.

"Prison Break".

♪

[chattering]

"Boggle"-- how about something with--

[chattering]

Stop it, you guys.Hey, hey, hey.

Oh, yeah, this was a great idea, Tony.

Arguing with the family is just loads of fun.

Okay, look, I got it.

How about we play Spades.

Yeah, no, I don't think the kids

will catch on quickly enough.

Shoot, Vivian still hasn't caught on.

And since she'll insist on being my partner

I say no to Spades.

Well, I think everybody can play Charades.

Hmm, yeah.

CoolThat's good.

Charades it is.

Yeah-- Ebony, you with Uncle Todd and Aunt Vivian.

I'm with mom and dad.

That's not fair-- Vivian always loses.

Honey, you know I can hear you, right?

Well, you know you lose all the time, right?

Ebony, watch your mouth.

Okay, now you're on their team.

Uh, Vivian, why don't you go first?

Okay.

[sighing]

Okay.

You ready?

And go.

Um...

Um...

Give us something, Viv.Wait, just--

Um...

Okay, how many words is it?

Shh, shh, shh-- Um...

How'd you not know how many words it is?

I told you.

You know, I don't know!

I don't know-- I'm sorry.

Time.

There's no timer in Charades.

[together] House rules.

Damn it, Vivian.

Why would you pick a game that you know you're not good at?

Well, why would I pick a husband

who chooses to embarrass me in public?

Oh, ho, ho, I embarrass you?Mm-hmm.

What about at my class reunion

when you talked to my friends in Ebonics?

I was trying to connect with your "homies"

and they dug what I was spinning.

Look, I signed up for a white woman

who speaks the King's English.

[chuckling]

Hey, you know what, you guys-- That's enough.

Anthony, I can handle my own affairs.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no,

I wouldn't start bring up affairs.

Okay, yeah--

Kids, I think its' time for you to go upstairs

and get ready for bed, okay?

Yeah, kid, you heard her.

Bounce.

Now where were we?Devin, go to bed.

But--Good night.

Vivian, let's go.

Why?

So you can chat with Jessica some more?

I told you she's my MyFaceSpace friend.

So then why does she like all your pictures?

Hashtag: I'm sexy.

In your dreams.

♪

Ooh, that's hot.

Ooh, Lord, this don't make no sense.

A hot comb?

Ma, what is that smell?

My hair.

I'm not even gonna ask.

Wait a minute.

What is this?

Oh-- Oh, that's a hot comb, right?

Don't make me use this.

You know what I'm talking about.

Oh, that "F".

You didn't know-- "F" is the new "A".

I'll be in my room.

Sit down.

I thought your father helped you with this paper.

That's why I got the "F".

Because of the ban.

My project was on the Iraq war,

but his old encyclopedias only went up to 1985.

[sighing]

Hey, baby, how was practice?

I got kicked off gymnastics team for missing practice.

Apparently they sent out an e-mail blast

to tell us a new time.

Oh, I'm sorry, baby.

Can I please have my phone back?

I'm having withdrawals.

It's been days since my last tweet

and my followers deserve to be updated.

Can we just do it when dad's not around?

Guys, he's just trying to bring us closer together

as a family, that's all.

Please.

I promise I'll get all "A"s.

Hey, y'all, the provider is home.

Oh, God, I smell something,

but I'm hoping that's not dinner.

It's my damn hair, okay?

I couldn't use my blow dryer,

so I had to resort to using a hot comb.

But you know what, I do have tuna fish and crackers.

But Mr. Lucas is coming over.

I can't serve tuna fish and crackers

to one of the most important clients of my career.

Put a steak on.

[doorbell ringing]

Oh, dang it, he's here already.

He's here?

Okay, kids, be on your best behavior.

Lisa, put a hat on.

Come on.

Does my hair look that bad?

What's going on in here?

Did the dryer blow up?

No, okay-- there is a button on the dryer.

Nobody used the dryer.

Are you ready to admit that this tech ban

has gone too far.

Absolutely not.

Devin, pick up them drawers.

Come on, let's get this stuff cleaned up.

These ain't even clean, Lisa.

Chop-chop.

Come on, people. come on.

Mmm.

Put this somewhere.

Come on, come on.

That's good, that's good.

That's it, go-go-go get, sit down, sit down.

What are you doing here?

I want a rematch.

Man, I ain't got time for no game night.

I'm expecting a very important client for dinner.

Oh, what did you make, Lisa?

Tuna fish and crackers.

Tuna fish?

[laughing]

Nobody's coming over here.

Stop making excuses and take your butt whipping

like a real man.

We'll be downstairs.

Do you see what's going on around here?

Mr. Stallworth.

Mr. Lucas-- please, please.

Call me Tony.

All right, Tony-- continue to call me Mr. Lucas.

Nice home you have here.

Thanks.

This is my wife Lisa.

Hi.Ah, charmed.

But, anyway, do you mind if we turn on the game?

I thought we were gonna go over my presentation.

We are-- half time.

[Tony] Oh.

Okay-- Lisa, hand me the remote.

That thing with the buttons?

Lisa, this ain't a good time.

Is there a problem?

No, no, I was thinking...

You know what, why don't we go to a sports bar

because our stove is broken.

all we got is tuna fish, so...

It just so happens I love me some tuna.

Now, uh, can we turn on the game?

Ah...

Actually, Mr. Lucas, um...

I banned technology for a week

to bring my family closer together.

Am I-am I on punishment?

I'm not part of your family.

Now, about that TV.

Come on, Mr. Lucas, uh...

I'm sure that a man of your sports stature

has the game recording at home on his DVR, right,

So you you can watch it at your leisure, commercial free?

Uh, no.

Are these... drawers?

Sorry about that.

You know, why don't we put the game on?

Tony!

What-- I'm not gonna watch.

You know what, Mr. Lucas, I'm-I'm sorry.

It wouldn't set a good example for the kids.

But it would set a good example for the guy

who's offering you an opportunity

of contracting a strip mall.

You ain't lying there-- You like Hi-Def?

I'm sorry, Mr. Lucas.

I have to stick to my word.

Well, I wish you had told me this earlier.

I am going to go see the game.

Be in my office tomorrow at 8:00 sharp.

And that presentation better be good

or you will not be getting the bid.

Good day.

Anthony!What?

Game night.

Tout suite.

♪

[yawning]

Oh!

Oh-oh?

What's wrong, baby?

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait-- This time can't be right.

It can't be right.

Because if it is I'm an hour late

with my meeting with Mr. Lucas.

No, actually it's daylight savings.

So you're really two hours late.

Huh?

Get going, get dressed, do something.

Where's the alarm clock?

Oh, I took it out because of the tech ban.

An alarm clock should not be considered no damn technology!

I mean, I'm sure at some point in history, it was.

Damn, I'm definitely gonna lose that bid now.

[shower running]

Ooh, come on, come on.

Babe, why is this water still so cold?

What you do, turn off the water heater?

[laughing]

Sorry, sorry.

It's technology.

It was your rule.

New rule: I want a divorce.

♪

[nonchalantly] So you see, Mr. Lucas,

you'll be able lease space at a premium, baby.

No, no, no, come on.

[more serious tone] So you see, Mr. Lucas,

the blueprint that I've developed

will allow you to maximize your square footage.

You'll be able to lease space at a premium.

Huh, huh, you like that?

I knew you would.

Oh yeah, that sounds good.

Yeah, I'm gonna get this bid.

We gonna be in the money.

[car engine knocking]

Hey, hey!

Whoa

No, no, no, no, no.

No, not now, baby, not now.

No, no.

Oh.

Low fuel?

All's I ask is that you fill up the car when you use it, baby.

All right, relax-- That's fine, that's fine.

We're just gonna call Mr. Lucas

and explain the situation.

Where's my cell phone?

Oh, damn!

Relax, relax, brother, you got this, you just--

Just use a pay phone-- simple.

You'll find a pay phone somewhere.

Lord, please let pay phones still exist.

Where am I?

Oh, the barber shop ain't far from here.

I know they got a pay phone.

♪

Hey, girl, you gonna wear that thing?

Really-- you're gonna make tacos in the thing?

Hey, brother, you gonna be long?

Yeah... no... what?

Hey, man, I got an emergency.

I really need to use that phone.

Girl, hold on, this little punk--

Take your time.Yeah, thank you.

Don't let me bother you.

Hey, Rodney, can I use your phone?

Let me use your phone real quick.

Hold on, doll.

Look, you gotta go down Broadway, yeah.

You go all the way down Broadway, make that left,

and then you double back into that little--

You know what-- Why don't you just stay home?

Larry, Larry-- you got a phone I can use?

Like a cellphone?Yeah.

Man, that's like an electronic leash.

I don't use no cellphone.

Last time I had a cell phone

my woman made business her business.

So that's-- look.

I'm still rockin' a pager.

You can-you can use it if you need, let me just...

Barbara, call me back.

Him, too.

What the hell am I gonna do with a pager?

Go on.

Anybody got a cellphone I can use?

Well, go to somebody's house, I don't give a damn.

How about that?

All right-- what's up. Tony, what you need, man?

Long story short, man, my car broke down.

I need to use a cellphone.

It's an emergency.Ooh!

I don't really let people use my phone.

see, I got this plan--

I got my nights and weekends, you know and--

I just don't want to run out of my daytime minutes.

Seriously?

Man, it's an emergency.

Come on, brother.

All right, go ahead.

Thank you.Yeah.

Hey, hey don't scroll through them pictures there.

Some stuff in there will burn your whole retina out.

Ain't nobody looking at your little pictures, man.

How do I turn this on?

Hit that button real hard right there. All ri--

Oh...What's up?

I got this tech ban, man, I can't use--

It's a long story--

Can you call one of my clients for me?

Tech ban?Yeah.

Okay, okay.

Okay, what's the number?

Damn, I don't know-- It's stored in my cellphone.

Wait, wait, I got his business card at the house.

Call my wife.

Call her, that's a good idea. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, what's her number?

Aw, damn!

[giggling]

A tech ban.

[laughing]

You need a ride?

'Cause I got my horse and buggy parked out front.

[imitating whipping sound]

Wilbur, what's a cellphone?

[Larry] Tech ban, I just...

♪

[laughing]Roll 'em-- Go ahead.

Yeah! Whoa, that's a good one.

The card.Look at the card.

[chattering]

[clearing throat]

Oh, my goodness, Tony.

Did you get in a fight?

No-- I didn't get the bid.

Oh, so what you're saying is:

I can't get that new smartphone?

Boy!

I mean to say...

it's all right, Dad.

You failed your work project,

I failed my school project.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

You know, I been doing some thinking on my long walk home...

there's nothing like a a five mile walk through the hood

to have you rethinking some things.

Good thing I was in these neutral colors.

You know, them youngsters be tripping.

You know, I guess the point I'm trying to make is

It was wrong of me to ban technology.

Just because I didn't have it when I was growing up,

doesn't mean I should make you guys suffer.

Enough with the melodramatics.

Can we get back to the game, please?

Oh-- oh-- Oh, I'm winning.

Oh wait, no, I'm losing.

Look, y'all can do what y'all want.

I'm trying to communicate with my family, okay?

And that's what this was all about...

communication.

I just don't wanna lose that.

I mean, nowadays, Dad, we do communicate.

Just more in a high-tech fashion.

[Lisa] That's true.

Just the other day, Devin texted me "I love you"

with a little smiley face.

Oh, you got that?

No, see that was meant for this girl at school.

Oh, really?

Well, the e-mail I got was definitely meant for me.

It was your report card from your teacher.

Oh, really, mom?

So you just really about to put me on blast like that

in the middle of game night?

Boy, shut up.

The ban is over.

Lisa, go ahead and give the kids their phones back.

Um, yeah, uh...

Tony, I gave them their phones back days ago.

You went behind my back and gave the kids their--

Wait a minute... if they already have their phones

how come they aren't they on them right now?

Because, Daddy, you game night is actually pretty fun.

If we were betting right now,

I woulda got two boxes of smokes.

[chuckling]

All right, well, deal me in, then.

We should change this up-- Can we play some Tonk?

Tonk-- how do you play that?

You never seen "Prison Break"?

No, do tell.

Gimme the cards.

♪