Original subtitles

* shake them cakes, baby Ay-ay, ay *

* shake them cakes, Baby, ah-ah *

[continues singing along To headphones]

* shake 'em! Shake 'em! Shake 'em! *

* shake 'em to the east Shake 'em to the west *

* uh-huh, no, no, no

Devin, what in the world Are you listening to?

It's called "love song." By lil muffin top?

"shake them cakes" Is a love song?

Boy, how can you do Your homework with That loud-ass music

Blastin' in your ears Like that?

I don't know. It just Kind of works for me.

Wow. It "kind of works" For you. Really?

Okay. Let me see this.

Let me see.

Did I get any Of 'em right?

More than usual.

Huh. Well, as long As you're passing Your math test,

I got one thing To say:

* shake them cakes, baby Ay, ay-ay *

* shake them cakes, baby Ay, ay *

* shake them cakes, oh, oh

* get down, baby Work it hard *

* git it! Come on! All right

Hey, baby. What you doin'?

Pressin' rashida's hair. It was a hot mess.

Girl, you are something else.

Devin, you gonna be late For basketball practice.

* [faint music] He can't hear you.

Oh, yes he can. Watch this.

Devin, you're not getting An allowance this week.

Huh?

I said you're gonna be late For basketball practice.

Oh, 'cause I thought you said I wasn't getting an allowance.

'cause you know, a brother Needs that paper!

Oh, and don't forget To clean up all your...

Stuff off the table.

Did you guys adopt that boy? 'cause I don't know where he Came from.

I'm sorry, baby. He came From the same place you did.

Just spare me The details.

Can I go next door To meeka's?

Yes. But be back In time for dinner.

You don't have To worry about that.

Meeka's mom can't cook.

Now that I think about it, That's why she can't keep a man.

Oh-oh. Bye, ebony. Get out of here.

With your grown self.

Know what? That girl Right there is the...

Hmm. "to devi-dev, From cassie."

Cassie?

[sighs]

[softly] There we go.

[groans] Oh-h.

Lisa? Don't be that mom.

You're right. Don't listen to her!

This is yo' house.

That's true. Very true.

Everyone deserves Their right to privacy.

Yeah, and I don't want to be Like my mother was.

Don't listen to that Trick with that bad weave.

Don't let the halo fool ya, Little devil girl.

Just shut up! Both of you.

Ooh. I'm not Going to do it.

"I really enjoyed Kissing you

"beyond the bungalows Today.

"you're a great kisser. Not too sloppy.

"I like that. I can't wait for more."

What? Little tramp!

Ooh! Hey, baby.

Hi. I wasn't Doin' nothing.

Okay. We'll be downstairs. The game's about to start.

What's up, lis'? Hey, kimball.

So this little boy Been kissing!

Turn it on. Here it come, baby.

[laughing]

I'm ready for this one. Mm-hmm!

There'll be some Head-smackin' today, baby.

Somebody Gonna get fined!

Aw, look at that.

Ooh, we're just in time. They haven't even Kicked off yet.

Ha-ha, this is going To be a good one!

Yes, sir! Tony, I need to talk To you for a second.

Man, we need to Handle your broad.

Baby, I am already Way ahead of you.

Went ahead and took care Of dinner. Ordered pizzas.

All I wanna do is Watch the game

And enjoy my beer.

This is not about dinner, okay?

This is about devin. Who?

Your son?

Baby, can we talk about it At "wifetime"?

Which is commonly referred to As halftime in america?

No, we cannot. We need To talk about it right now.

Come on, lis'. The game is on!

Put it on pause! Can I put you on pause And play you back later?

Don't make me Embarrass you.

Dog, You know she will.

Raise up.

Yes, woman! Do you know devin's Been kissing girls?

Good. I was concerned About him watching glee.

I found a note From some little girl,

Talking about their Kissing escapades at school.

Why are you all up In his business?

[kendall] Run it! Run it! Oh, baby, run it!

Did you see that? It's the play of the season.

You're missin' it, dog!

Baby, can I go now, please?

Okay, you need to have A talk with him

About the birds and the bees. Birds and bees. Gotcha.

Now it's all about The broncos and the bears.

Look, baby, as soon As he gets home.

As soon as he gets home, I promise! Can I go, Now, please? Please!

Go. Go. [tony] Oww! What happened?

What happened? Did you Turn the channel? Oh!!

* remix! Shake it, shake it Shake, sh-shake them cakes *

* baby, shake, shake, shake Sh-shake them cakes, baby *

* shake, shake, shake Sh-shake them cakes, baby *

Wassup, dad? Am I in trouble?

No, nothing like that.

Your mama wanted me To come talk to you about The birds and the bees.

Dad, I'm 13 years old! I got youtube!

All right. So you-- You know it all works?

Yeah, I know.

You know how To use a condom?

Once again, youtube.

[chuckles] All right. Okay.

Well, then, that concludes My birds and the bees seminar.

Thanks for joining me. W-w-well, dad,

My biggest issue is, I don't really know How to talk to girls.

Oh, well, son,

It's not always about What you say.

It's about what you do. And you let 'em come to you.

What do you mean?

I was gonna save this Till you were 16, but...

I'm gonna go ahead And let you in on it now.

Contrary to popular belief,

I wasn't the sexiest guy In high school. No!!

You? Watch it, boy.

But there was one thing That I did know how to do

That drove the girls crazy: This.

It's called the b.L.B.S.

"bottom lip bites smile."

[chuckles] You try it.

Close. Close, close. But only bite half your lip.

Look at 'em with A little side-eye.

You can throw in a wink And a little giggle, too, If you want to.

You know, spice it up A little bit.

[chuckles]

Give it a try.

Yeah, yeah, yeah! There it is!

Look at them Stallworth genes right There, kickin' in, boy.

Look, that's all you need To have the girls Flocking your way.

I pulled the b.L.B.S. Out on your momma,

Didn't stand a chance, Boy!

That's how you was born. No, no, no, no!

Dad, no! What, what, what?

She's still my momma. You're right. You're right.

My bad. All right, I'm gonna go ahead and Let you do your thing.

Um, do me a favor And clean this room.

Smells like feet and Dirty drawers up in here.

* shake, shake, shake Shake-- * [chuckles]

* shake, baby, shake, shake

Right.

Right!

...Buy everything. Oh.

Look. That's the one I was tellin' you about.

Yeah. She's fine.

Hey, man! Back up off that!

That one's mine.

Oh, my gosh. So cute.

Come on, girl. I think I love you. Come on!

Me?

You want me To come over there?

Hi. Oh, my gosh.

What's happenin', Sweet thing?

Oh, my gosh. It's you.

In the flesh.

I was wondering if you Want to spend the rest Of your life with me.

Anything for you. Girl,

I'll give you The world!

[giggles]

If you want it.

Or a trip To disneyland. Really?

Oh, yeah-uh. What's your name, handsome?

The name's devi-dev.

But you can call me Candy man.

I like candy.

I'll give you enough Candy to make your Teeth fall out.

All of them? All of them.

All right, candy man. Sure you right.

* [singing]

Yeah, that is kinda fly. Can't even fight.

* shake them cakes, baby

[devin] Ow! Not so hard!

That's not how you do it!

I thought you Did this before!

Use some more grease!

Is that how You put it on?

Is this your first time Doing this?

Devin, what the hell?

It's not what It looks like!

Boy, you don't have Girls in your room With your door closed.

Have you lost your mind? Cassie, you've got to go.

Come on. Before I call your mama.

But, mom-- Leave it.

But mom, that's not cassie. Oh, well, I'm sorry, hussy.

You got some serious Explainin' to do.

What? She was just Combing my hair.

Does your father Know about this?

Yeah. He was the one Who gave me the game To get her.

Oh, did he, now?

Tony!!

This look good, Right here.

Tony!

Here we go. [shoes banging]

Yes, dear. Do you know...

Devin was in his room With some fast-assed Little girl?

With the door closed? I didn't tell him he could Have the door closed.

This is all your fault, tony. I did not tell that boy To have the door closed.

I am not raisin' Some little player.

Well, apparently, You are.

Shut up, kimball.

Looks like I'm hangin' With the wrong stallworth.

Shut up, kimball.

Listen, baby. I just Gave him a few little tips.

All right. It's not like He's going to be down at The don't tell motel.

The snooty fox?

Huh? Is that what they call it?

What a minute. Girl, What you know about The snooty fox?

Don't you shuffle on past Away from me, girl.

Handle it, man. Handle it!

[coughs]

[coughs]

[no audible dialogue]

Y'all don't mind?

[no audible dialogue]

[man talking on tv]

You taught it to him!

What are you talking about? The lip bite!

What? Girl, you crazy. I do Not know what you speak of.

Don't give me that, anthony. That is that same,

Silly-looking, cute Little lip-bite thing

You used to do. Wasn't silly when It worked on you.

A-ha! So you admit it.

You taught it to him.

The boy came to me And said he needed Help on his approach.

What was I supposed to do?

I just don't want Our little boy Growing up so fast, tony!

We can't stop him From growing up, baby.

You can only hope to Guide him into making the Right decisions as a man.

Fool, shut up. That's that Same line from the cosby show.

Maybe. Don't hate that I get my heathcliff on From time to time.

Yeah, but you gotta admit, The random girls, every day,

It's just a bit much.

He can't help that. He is a stallworth.

We gets it in. [chuckles]

Puh-lease!

Just 'cause the lip bite Worked on me

Does not mean you were Mackin' 'em like that.

You're right. You're right. Yeah.

Let me get a kiss.

Ah, you ain't slick.

Come on, girl. All I need is five minutes.

That was a good movie.

Let me walk you out.

After you.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Boy, let me talk To you for a second.

[sighs]

So, dad. That lip-bite Thing really works!

Yeah. I see it's Doin' well for you, son.

Out here poppin' bottles And whatnot.

But look. You're abusin' it now.

I mean, you can't be runnin' A different girl in and out Of here every day, man!

Come on. What's the problem?

There's a difference Between being a player

And bein' a--

Well, right about now, You're dancing on The fine line of pimpery.

Anthony!

What is this?

That ain't mine! That ain't mine!

Can you explain to me Why I found, not one,

But three condom wrappers In the trash can?

What? No, mom, I'm serious They're not mine.

Go to your room. I can't Even look at you right now.

But I didn't do nothin'! Go!

I'm gonna go have A talk with the boy.

No. Please. Please don't. Okay? He is too young...

To be having any kind of Relationship with any girl.

You've done enough talking. I agree.

Guess buying Those condoms Was a mistake.

You bought 'em? Well, you told me To talk to him.

They were part of The demonstration.

But I never got to use them. I stashed them in the garage.

And why would you buy The supersize condoms?

He's only 13.

Well, he is my son.

Know what? I-I can't even Deal with this right now.

I need a drink. I never meant for This to happen.

I feel terrible.

While you're in there, why don't You make me one, too, yeah?

Forget it. I'll be all right.

Whoo, whee. Been a long day.

You know what? I need Something a little Stronger than that.

Yes. Yes.

Hey, what are You two up to?

We're having A water fight.

Sara and alma From down the street

Won the battle, but We're going to win the war.

Oh, okay. Well, just Please don't mess up My kitchen

With all that water.

We'll try, But it's on, now.

[chuckles] Okay. Well, just be careful.

They'd better be careful! Our balloons are magnums.

Let me see this.

Where did you get this?

I found them In the garage.

Do you know what this is? Incredibly-made water balloons.

No. No, baby. This is a--

Um, hmm. What This is, is a, um,

[exhales] An incredibly-made Water balloon.

Mm-hmm, that's Exactly what it is.

Carry on! [giggles]

Oh, damn.

Devin! Mommy owes You an apology.

Hey, thanks for Taking me shopping, mom.

You really didn't have to. No, I was wrong.

And I just wanted To show you how sorry

I was for not believing you.

I just don't want You making some Silly little mistake

That you gotta live with For the rest of your life.

I want you to take your time, And just stay a kid

For as long As you can, please.

Well, you should know Your son a little bit Better than that, woman.

And it's not my fault The ladies love me!

Boy, give me that bag.

I was thinking that Since I'm the victim In this here situation,

We should go back in the mall And get me an ipad.

And I was thinkin', I can go ahead and take back

All these other gifts I just got you,

Since you trying To take advantage of This here situation.

Well, I was thinking we should Just get on out of here...

While I'm still ahead.

Smart child. Mm-hmm. You get that from Your mama's side.

Whoo! Girl, you don't Want to go in there.

Ever.

Might have to move, You know what I mean?

Whoo! You are crazy!

Oh, see, now-- Now there you go With the lip bite.

Hmm. Hasn't that got you into Enough trouble today? Dang.

Tryin' to see what kind of Trouble it can get me into Tonight!

Yeah, me too. Me too.

But first, I need you to do One thing for me, baby.

Anything. You name it, you got it.

Put this on first. What the--

Yes.