Original subtitles

My name is Anthony stallworth,

Aka tony.

I guess you could say I'm just an average Run-of-the-mill type of guy.

I take care of my family,

I'm a damn good Construction worker,

And I live in the hood,

But the last part

Is about to change.

[tony, thinking] Let me see what this Scratch-off's all about.

Nobody ever win these things. Let me see again.

Hm. Nope. [scoffs]

Let's see This other one here.

Yeah. Oh, oh, There's a winner?

Okay, okay, 500...

Wait. W-wait a minute.

500-- f--

Is it-- is it a thousand?

Hm. [sighs]

You guessed it.

I hit the lottery For 500,000 smack-a-ronis!

[giggles] Yes, sir.

In the immortal words Of ice cube,

Today was a good day. [chuckles]

* woke up And my wife said to me *

* the bill collectors Want their fees *

* kids keep talkin' back To me *

* family time

* scrub the dishes, Take out the trash *

* history homework, Sometimes the math *

* the kids are gone, We're free at last *

* family time

* family time, family time

* family time * family time!

* family time, family time

* family time

* sing it again

* family time, family time * family time!

* family time

* oh, yeah, yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah! *

Here we are--

New home sweet home

So what do you Dependents think? Hm?

I think You should've discussed it With your family first.

I did. I came home and said,

"I hit the scratch, And we movin' on up."

This is up.

So I'll ask you all again. What do y'all think?

I mean, it's all right,

But we ain't gonna be On cribs or nothing.

You're a little too young To be a hater, son.

Come on, ebony. Let's go pick out Our new room.

I already picked out my room-- The bigger one.

[chuckles] Look like you need it For your big head.

Oh, yeah, she get that head From you.

You love it.

[laughs] I do.

Well, I absolutely love it.

My son done came up...

Legally.

That's right, mama.

Better neighborhood, Better schools,

And not a jacker in sight.

Oh-oh, oh, no, no, baby.

Let lisa do that. That's what she's for.

I don't need the provider Hurting himself again.

You've already done The heavy lifting, son.

Oh, lord, I'm gonna need Your help today. Okay?

I'm going to let That one slide.

Okay, guys, Can you move this couch up? Just a little bit.

Oh-oh, no, no, no, no.

No, it's fine Just where it is.

The last time I checked, You don't live here.

Last time I checked, The wife was replaceable.

Uh-- [anthony] Ladies, ladies,

Watch your language In front of the kids. [exhales]

We've heard worse. We go to public school.

Baby, tony, sidebar, Like, right now.

Come on. Okay, all right.

Your mama-- She got one more time To insult me up in my house.

Okay, baby, I know, I know. Just go with it, okay?

We'll move everything back After she leaves.

Look, I'm doing this For you and the kids. Don't ruin it for me.

All right, all right, But I'm telling you.

I'm telling you. She trying me.

I know. Okay, but I'll go--

Oh-oh, oh, no, honey,

You can leave that trash At the curb.

No, no, no, That is not trash.

I painted that, Thank you very much.

I am so sorry, miss picasso.

Let's hang that in the closet.

No, don't hang it In the closet.

Baby, come on-- [growls]

Come on, dad, Please don't tell us We gotta share a bathroom.

Unless you sharing The mortgage payment, You sharing the bathroom.

Come on, dad. She be leaving toothpaste All in the sink.

Plus, she forgets to flush.

I know you ain't talking, "no aim" james.

Okay, look. You pee in the sink.

You brush your teeth In the toilet.

Problem solved.

[lisa] That is disgusting. [sighs]

Well, it's beginning To feel like home already.

Lisa, would you get me Something to drink?

Hard as I been working.

Okay, you thirsty?

I got you. One poison on the rocks. Mm-hm.

Ah, see this here? See it?

This is why I bought The house.

This is just A dusty old basement.

That's all you see?

Girl, I thought You were a visionary.

Now, think of this As a blank canvas.

Hm, I could put My easel over there.

No, no, no, ease on up, girl. That's not quite the vision I was talking about.

See, that vision can happen In the back yard.

I was envisioning a pool table

And a stripper pole Up in here.

Oh, so I'm guessing You're envisioning A divorce up in here.

You don't like the house?

No, I really like the house,

But you could've got a house In palmdale twice this size.

Woman, ain't nobody driving All the way to palmdale.

Place don't even show up On google maps.

So why windsor hills,

To impress me?

It's where you grew up.

Thought I was doing The right thing.

Now, you know I didn't marry you

Because of what You could buy me.

Mm-mm, you married me 'cause of my good looks,

All this fineness.

Mm-hm, you're a great guy,

And I knew you'd be A great father.

I'll be just as happy In a trailer park.

You'd be just as happy.

I'd be trying to get Out to windsor hills.

[chuckles]

But since we out here,

Why don't we check Out your room-- the kitchen.

[ebony] Mommy!

Saved by the yell.

What is going on up here?

They done lost My prescription.

What the hell am I going to do Without my water pills?

Ain't nobody talking to you.

Ebony, baby, what's wrong?

I can't find amali.

What? You can't find amali?

Oh, hell no. Who the hell's amali?

Probably one Of lisa's illegits.

I'll be in the kitchen Since I never got that drink.

Okay, see? That's it. She got to go.

Baby, baby, This ain't about you. It's about amali.

She's my favorite doll.

If we hadn't moved To this stupid house,

I would've never lost her.

I hate it here.

I wanna go back to the hood. [crying]

W-what's with all the drama?

I thought this was a comedy.

Why is everybody taking This move so hard?

We're only six miles away.

And, listen-- No helicopters.

Baby, maybe you should go Talk to her.

For what? Once she realizes That I don't care,

She'll get over it.

Anthony. I'll buy her a new doll.

Pops, I was outside,

And a man in a black suit Dropped this off for you.

What is it?

Probably something From the lottery office.

Look like it's from Somebody named "irs."

That's I-r-s, genius.

So what is it, baby?

It's tax lien. They say I owe $250,000.

What--

Uh...

Did you get through To the irs?

They keep hanging up on me, Like your daddy used to do.

Well, call them back. I'm about to.

In fact, I'm going to Have my new mobile personal Assistant do it for me.

Check this out.

Liri, can you place a call For me?

[woman's voice] I got you big, homey.

Who do you want me to call?

The irs.

The feds can't help you With that, wesley snipes.

Just dial the damn number.

Watch your tone. Calling...

Phew. I better get on home So your daddy can rub my feet.

You know, this gout Is really kicking in.

The door's right behind you.

Oh, tony, honey,

Mommy's going to need That money you promised me

For my church bus trip To the casino this weekend.

I'm gonna lay my hands On one of them slot machines.

Okay, mama. Listen, we'll talk About that later. Okay?

Oh, okay. All right.

Thank you, baby.

Mm-hm, mama's boy.

Oh, my god, So this is the new place. Love the house, sis.

Hey, come on in. Beverly, you remember My sister rachel.

[gasps] Oh, yes,

The lesbian.

How are you?

Still a lesbian.

Oh, well, better get on home.

Mm-hm.

That woman got issues.

Okay. Looks like you Got your hands full With tina turner over there.

You know the half.

Um, you ain't speaking today, Tony?

I'm on hold with the irs.

You know their hold music Is "money, money, money" By the the o'jays?

Nice. New kitchen, Plenty of storage.

Yep, exactly what I needed.

Damn, girl, y'all haven't even Unpacked yet?

Uh, hello. We just moved in today.

Give us just a second.

And what are you unpacking, The silverware? The china?

Ooh-ooh, rachel Don't do no unpacking.

I just stopped by to see What a scratch off gets you.

I just imagined more.

Well, ooh-ooh, if rachel Ain't doing no unpacking,

Rachel need to keep it moving.

[sighs] Okay, okay, okay, I'll help...

Myself to some of this Two-buck chuck.

[laughs] Bottoms up.

Y'all got a wine opener?

Oh, never mind.

It's a screw-off top.

I get it. New money.

So why is tony on the phone With the irs?

Girl, don't get me started.

As a matter of fact, Pour me a sippy-sip Of that wine.

Would you, please?

Okay, so apparently Tony didn't know

What the word "exempt" meant.

Girl, what?

Girl, we owe the irs A quarter of a million dollars.

[gasps] I know.

But you know what?

He got us in this mess. He gonna have to get us out.

You feel me? Yeah, girl.

Bring me some. Mm. Mm, mm, mm.

Y'all might wanna leave These boxes packed.

[chuckles]

That's not funny.

Why don't you just ask Daddy for help?

Girl, tony would kill me.

Lisa, give me a knife.

I mean a box cutter So I can open our box

With our financials in it? Oh, okay.

You need to set up A payment plan, bro?

Lisa, you got her All up in our business?

And our two-buck chuck?

How are we supposed To christen later?

Don't look like you're going To be here later.

You might be living In these cardboard boxes.

[mock laughs] Everybody a damn Comedian today.

Okay, baby, What is the verdict?

I'm going to deal with it On monday.

Till then, let's just Enjoy the new house

While we still got it. All right.

Hey there, rachel.

Oh, look at that sad face.

What's wrong, ebony?

Somebody stole my doll,

So I've been upstairs praying

That somehow we'll move Out of this stupid house.

Sweetie, did your little doll Have pins in it?

Think god heard her?

Well, there's power In prayer.

I'm going to my room.

I'm going to end it all.

That was a little dramatic.

I'm gonna just buy the girl A brand new doll,

And we'll have One less problem.

Well, while you're At the store,

Why don't you pick up Another lottery ticket?

This one's a wrap.

[lisa] Rachel...

Girl, you see This blade in my hand. Now, keep it up.

Ebony, I know you're upset,

But amali's probably In a better place

Right about now.

You think so?

Yeah, I bet She's making a nice pillow For a family of rats.

[sobbing]

No! No! No!

No, no, no.

No, no. No, ebony, Please don't cry.

Please don't cry. It was a joke.

Get out of my room

Before I tell mom

How the computers Got all those viruses.

Oh, uh, I'll be downstairs.

[muttering] Yeah, they don't need To find out.

Too easy.

Okay, now, ebony, This is starting to get A little old.

You just gonna be depressed In every room of the house?

Gotta ease the pain

Through shots of kool-aid.

What do you know About some shots?

Well, that's what grandma Does when grandpa stays out All night.

Ah, okay, note to self--

No more overnight stays At grandma's house.

Now, wait. Does grandpa really stay out All night?

Mm-hm, but you ain't heard it From me.

Hmm. Where's Your brother?

Who cares?

Okay, well, I'll be downstairs If you need me,

And if you decide To ride your bike,

Get a designated rider.

Whatever that means.

Hey there, sweetheart,

What day is christmas?

December 25th.

Not this year. This year christmas Came early.

Bam! Who loves ya?

What is that?

What do you mean, What is that? It's a new doll.

I got it from The slauson swap meet.

Her name is taikwanda.

She from the hood brats Collection.

[chuckles]

Pull her weave.

Where the ballers at? Ooh, girl.

Hey? Hey? She's ambitious,

Trying to start a new life For herself.

There's that award-winning Smile.

Now, I'm going to let you And taikwanda get Better acquainted.

I'll leave y'all alone. Where did your mama go?

She's in the basement. Okay, I'll see you later.

Let's go get some tattoos.

Problem solved.

You talked to the irs.

Well, not that problem.

More importantly, Our daughter is smiling again.

You found amali, yes? Yes.

No, w-- I can show you Better than I can tell you. Girl, come on.

Wait. Can I finish unpacking My stuff first?

Girl, unpack that stuff-- Wait, wait, um--

Why are you unpacking In the man cave?

Correction. Lisa's lounge.

Girl, what do you need A lounge for when you got Your own island,

Complete with granite tops And everything?

Now, come on.

Boy, what did I tell you about Drinking out of the carton?

What? I saved you a swig.

Where's ebony?

Next to essence and jet.

Hey, mom, What is this?

That's a good question.

That's taikwanda. Pull her weave.

[winding down] Where the ballers at?

Where the ballers at?

I'm dead.

I can't believe she threw Taikwanda in the trash.

That's just disrespectful.

Where you going?

You don't treat Hood brats like that.

I spent my hard-earned money On that.

You mean uncle sam's money?

I'm gonna go talk To your daughter

About having An attitude of gratitude.

Anthony, slow it down. I will go talk to her.

This is really getting Out of hand.

[chuckles]

That's your woman.

[lisa and ebony shouting] Come here, boy.

Hold on, hold on. I've been waiting to warm This belt up.

Ooh, you go fast In those little skinny jeans. Huh? Run!

Okay, you and I need to talk

Woman to little woman.

Okay.

All right, look, baby girl.

Life is full of ups and downs,

And sometimes there's Going to be disappointments.

Mom, if I'm in trouble,

Just spare me a lecture And just beat me.

Dramatic.

Baby girl, I know you're having A tough time with the move.

I get that.

We all are,

But the thing about life Is it brings about change,

And parting With material things

Is-- it's just A part of growing up.

Amali wasn't a thing.

She was like the sister I never had.

Why couldn't we just get rid Of devon instead?

[laughs] Girl, I am trying to be Serious here.

Mom, I was serious.

Okay, now,

You can always just go out And get you a new doll,

But you can't get Another brother.

[sighs] You can if you stop taking Those little pills.

Who told you about pills?

Taikwanda.

Oh, yeah, throw her ass In the trash.

Knock, knock, knock.

Sorry to interrupt.

I just wanted to say How sorry I am About your loss.

That's okay. I can always get a new doll,

But I can never get A new big brother.

Oh.

So, ma, what's on the menu For dinner?

Boy, you better catch One of them squirrels outside.

Mom, I'm serious.

I am, too. They taste just like chicken.

Who wants barbecue?

Is it squirrel?

Now, why are you In such a good mood?

The irs called.

We don't owe 250,000.

We owe $250.

But after penalties It's 2,500.

So I guess the man cave's Going to have to wait.

Oh, no, I've got A payment plan-- 29.99.

Ready to go Pool-table shopping?

No, no, you know what?

Let's just sit down and chill And have some family time And eat.

[doorbell rings]

More distractions here Than in the hood.

Hi, I'm briana. I live next door.

Amali.

Wow, where did you find her?

My younger sister amika Actually found her.

She'd been playing With her all day

Until she noticed The name "ebony stallworth" Under the skirt.

She would've came, But she needed a moment.

You know what? You tell your sister,

First of all, stop stealing,

And secondly, She can have her.

All this drama For nothing?

You sure you Wanna do that?

Mom, I am so over her. I want me a ipad.

[lisa] Oh. Girl, you can get a ipad When you get your own pad.

[laughs]

Okay, well, thanks for coming.

It was nice meeting you.

Hold on. I didn't properly Introduce myself.

The name's devy dev, Aka mick swagger.

[chuckles] Swagger? Please.

Can we at least talk about it? I didn't even get your name.

I didn't even get your name.

Don't make me Turn into mick stalker.

[chuckles]

What we gonna do with him?

[anthony] Well, it all worked out For the best.

I got the irs off my ass.

My little girl Is smiling again.

Mama's happy, And if mama ain't happy, Nobody's happy.

Fellas, y'all know What I'm talking about.

And as for my son...

You know what, dad? This place is all right.

Got a little pizza joint Down the street,

Dime piece next door.

Yep, and she is definitely A nilf.

Nilf?

Yeah, neighbor I'd like to--

[smacks]

...Find out more about.

Man, we moved up out the hood At the right time.

Mm-hm, thank god For foreclosures.