Original subtitles

Look, Todd, 9 o'clock means

you're here at 9 o'clock.

How many times I've to tell you that?

Apparently, seven.

- What? - Nothin'.

Look, do you think I like calling you in here

every couple of weeks and reading you the riot act?

- Yes. - What?

Nothin'.

Look, Todd, you're 21 years old.

It's time to buckle down.

You know, when I was your age, I had two jobs.

I took the bus to work. I was never late once.

That's very good advice, sir. Yank you very much.

Did you just say, yank me?

No, wide ass.

- What? - I said, "No, why do you ask?"

Okay, snot head, get back to work.

What?

I said, "Thanks, snot head

get back to work."

Oh, hey, Mimi.

How was the Marilyn Manson concert?

Oh, it's pretty tame.

Then me and some of the roadies

threw a party down on the docks afterwards.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Canadian freighter pulled in about 3:00 a.m.

Things really got rollin'.

I think I might have gotten married, eh?

[laughs]

Sounds like fun, better than gettin' reamed

by old man Carey here.

Old man Carey, is that what people say about me?

That's not fair.

Hey, does doing my job make me old?

Does being responsible make me old?

Does wanting other people to be responsible make me old?

Could you just not talk so much?

'Cause I kinda have a headache.

Oh, really? What the hell happened to you?

Hey, hey!

It's called living. Get to know it.

Hey, I live. I have fun.

I just have my own kinda fun.

Oh, yeah? What are you gonna do tonight?

Oh, tonight, I got a big night planned.

Big night.

Gonna go home, make myself a couple of Hungry-Man dinners.

Have a beer, fall asleep on the couch

watching "Diagnosis Murder."

Oh, my God, I'm old.

Ah, there's our Rock of Gibraltar, good old Carey.

- Everybody, it's time. - Well, what's goin' on?

Carey, you've done something that no other employee

at Winfred-Louder has ever done.

Oh, you know, if this is about the employee picnic

I-I was drunk and I misunderstood the term

three-legged race.

No, Carey, this is something you can be proud of.

Now, you've been to work

every single day for 3000 days.

Well, technically, it's 3001.

I would have awarded it yesterday

but I was out sailing.

But you were here, trudging away as you always are.

[applauding]

Three thousand days? That can't be.

- Congratu-loser. - What?

Congratulations.

In gratitude for your return

to this little cubicle day in, day out

we offer you this plaque

engraved with the simple slogan

"Three thousand down

here's to three thousand more."

Three thousand days behind this desk?

It's almost a third of my life.

A lesser man would have gone insane, Carey.

And that's why...

...as our final honor

Cubicle 17A from this day forth

will be known as "The Drewbicle."

[applauding]

I don't know what to say, I...

I didn't stop and smell the roses, I let...

I let time to slip through my hands.

There's so many things I should have done.

What am I doin' here?

[applauding]

Cake and ice cream in my office.

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Up every mornin' ♪

♪ Just to keep a job ♪

♪ I gotta fight my way ♪

♪ Through the hustlin' mob ♪

♪ Sounds of the city ♪

♪ Poundin' in my brain ♪

♪ While another day goes down the drain ♪

♪ Yeah yeah yeah ♪

♪ But it's a 5 o'clock world ♪

♪ When the whistle blows ♪

♪ No one owns a piece of my time ♪

♪ And there's a 5 o'clock me ♪

♪ Inside my clothes ♪

♪ Thinkin' that the world looks fine ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Hey ♪ ♪ Holiday ♪

♪ Hey ♪ ♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Hey hey ♪

Oh, boy, I'm gonna miss sleeping in at Sunday mornings.

Hey, they can't sell Buzz Beer if we don't deliver it.

Saturday night's a big beer night. We gotta restock.

Yeah, and if anyone needs a coffee beer

that's a Sunday morning drunk.

Yeah.

Hey, man, it's our responsibility, okay?

'What's the matter? Don't you like being responsible?'

What, are you saying that I'm stodgy?

That I'm on a 3000 day rut?

Is that what you're sayin'? Huh, huh?

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Come on, let's not argue.

It's bad enough that we're delivering

liquor on the Sabbath.

Oh, that reminds me, we have to deliver a case of beer

to my church for Las Vegas Night.

Excuse me, didn't anyone notice I was ranting a moment ago?

Oh, I'm sorry, Drew, what's the matter?

I've become set in my ways. I stopped living my life.

I'm just like my father.

Oh, come on, Drew, that's not true.

Your dad was a wild man.

You're right. I've got a lot of catchin' up to do.

- Hey, take this on-ramp. - What?

- I said take this on-ramp. - Hey, hey hey, hey!

- 'What are you doin'?' - It's called livin'.

- Get to know it. - Wh-where are we goin'?

We're goin' to the city that never sleeps.

We're gonna be a partof it.

We're going to Paris?

- Na, it's city of lights. - Oh!

- I thought that was Las Vegas. - We're going to Vegas?

No, we're goin' to the city that never sleeps.

- New York City. - Why New York?

This truck can make it there, it can make it anywhere.

Besides, the Indians are playing the Yankees tonight.

- Hey! - 'Wow.'

- Okay - 'Oh.'

It's over 400 miles each way.

I gotta work tomorrow.

If I'm late, old man Carey's gonna ki...

Hey, you know what old man Carey says?

Huh?

Old man Carey says

"The hell with responsibility." Huh?

- Yeah. - To hellwith work tomorrow.

- Yeah. - Who's with me?

I am, I'm tired of my rotten 9:20 to 10:00

to 5:00 every single day.

Ah, if it weren't for my hour and a half

to two hour lunch, I don't know what I'd do.

- 'Yeah.' - 'Yeah.'

Hey, you know, uh, now that you mentioned it

I-I am like one of those, uh, those lab rats at Drug Co.

You know, going through the maze and gettin' electrocuted

when I take the wrong turn, you know.

Get my big hunk of cheese at the end of the week.

It's a nice metaphor, buddy.

Oh, oh, yes. It's just a metaphor.

I think what we're trying to say, buddy, is...

(together) Road trip.

Alright, Lewis, put the pedal to the metal, baby.

It is.

Nice, leisurely...

(all) Road trip.

♪ Oh great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts ♪

♪ Mutilated monkey meat ♪

♪ Little dirty birdie feet ♪

♪ French-fried eyeballs ♪

♪ Swimming in a pool of blood ♪

♪ And me without a spoon boo-ho ♪

Same song, second verse.

Gopher style and a whole lot worse.

♪ Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts ♪

♪ Mutilated monkey meat.. ♪

Hey!

Cow.

(all) Moo.

- This is great, huh? - 'Yeah.'

All of us together, head to New York.

Hey, want a beef stick cake?

Wait, let me check.

No, I think I've had enough.

I've hickory coming out of my pores.

Hey, wait a second. Do you smell that?

Oh, Drew.

No, no, no, not that. Beyond that.

Wait for it. Wait for it.

Wait, I'm getting something.

What is that?

Judging by the potency, I'd say we're...

[inhales sharply]

...15 miles outside of Hershey, Pennsylvania.

Yup.

Go, pay our repects

and then, it's outer New York City.

Get ready for life on the fast lane.

[cheering]

Alright.

[car horn honking]

Man, how far is it to Yankee Stadium?

I don't know, we're six inches closer

than we were an hour ago.

That's because the guy behind us rear-ended us.

Oh, man, let me just ask a local.

Excuse me, sir, how far is it to Yankee Sta...

Wow, did you see that?

He didn't even let me finish, he just instinctively foot me off.

Well, at least he didn't show you his...

- Oh! - Eww!

There it is. Blah.

He's pointing in the right direction. Thank you, sir.

You know, this really sucks.

It only took us six and a half hours

to get from Cleveland to New York

but it's taken us 40 minutes just to pass

that group of long-tailed Chihuahuas

hanging around that sewer grid over there.

[thud]

Oh, man, where does he want us to go?

There's only six inches between us and the car in front of us.

Hey, does it really matter if we move up six inches?

[honking]

Okay, I guess we'll do it.

[thud]

Oh, great, now we're getting it from both sides.

If that guy didn't have a free John Gotti bumper sticker

boy, I'd be all over him, let me tell you.

I'm gonna stretch my legs.

Wow, hot one, isn't it?

Let me have a Nutty Buddy.

Oh, my God. You're Donald Trump.

Look at this, right here on the street, it's Donald Trump!

[chuckles]

Kinda weird, isn't it?

Sort of like, I'm human.

Let me have a Nutty Buddy, please.

Oh, we don't have any ice cream.

- Is this an ice cream truck? - Uh-huh.

So, what's in the back of your truck?

Beer.

Beer in the back of an ice cream truck?

What, are you morons?

- No, we're from Cleveland. - Ah, you're from Cleveland.

Okay, look, we just drove to New York on a kick

to see the Indians play the Yankees.

Now, we're stuck here, okay?

I'm sorry to hear that, that I am sorry about but...

...you know, what to do?

Give this to the guy at the gate.

He'll take you to my box seats.

Use 'em, enjoy 'em, and welcome to New York.

- Wow. - Wow!

- Thanks. - Thanks, Mr. Trump.

I'm gonna go see the, uh, "Star Wars Trilogy."

You'll probably still be here.

We'll have a beer later.

- Okay. - Okay.

- Okay. - Bye.

[thud]

Alright, that's it.

[knocking]

Oh, my God, it's-it's you, it's Carol Channing!

Get back in your truck, any minute now

this whole thing is gonna break wide open.

Wide open? It's cars as far as the eye can see.

So, what are you calling me, a liar?

Because I think you're calling be a liar.

Look, I don't want any trouble, I-I...

We just drove in from Cleveland to see a Yankee's game, okay?

Aw, you came all that way?

Well, let me help you to get there a little faster.

[thud]

Now, get back in the freakin' truck!

[indistinct mumbling]

Hey, hey, hey, traffic's movin' again.

Everybody, get back in.

[horns blaring]

I'm gonna try to get off this street.

See if I'm clear to get into the right lane.

Go for it.

It's alright, it's alright.

[horns blaring]

(Oswald) 'What the hell happened?'

We're out of gas.

[horns blaring]

We gotta get some gas.

If we don't move, they're gonna kill us.

Alright, I'll get the gas. Who's got some money?

We blew all our money when we bought that

10-pound Kiss at Hershey, Pennsylvania.

Oh, you mean, this?

Anybody wanna split the rest?

How are we gonna get some money for gas?

- Okay, Lewis. - Huh?

Lend me a hand.

[horn blaring]

We're going to get some gas.

We'll be right back.

Move your corn-fed, Midwestern lard ass, farm boy.

Hey, you know, Channing knows my ass.

Hi. Excuse me, we have kind of an emergency here.

- We need some gas. - I don't sell gas.

No, uh, we'll get the gas. We just need some money.

Oh!

Listen, I don't mean to tell you how to do your job

but the nose and moustache fell off your Groucho glasses, bro.

Oh, no, no, no, w-we're not here to rob...

We're not here to rob you, we just...

We just wanna sell you some beer.

[sighs] What kind of beer?

It's a special brew we brought all the way from Cleveland.

You guys came all the way from Cleveland

just to sell beer door to door?

No, actually, we just wanted to chuck it all

and see Yankees' game.

[speaking in Spanish]

That's why I came here from Cumana, baby.

Hey, you guys wanna have fun? Some expired herbal ecstasy.

No, listen, all we want is 30 bucks for the beer.

You can get a 100 bucks for these two cases real easy.

- I'll give you 2 bucks. - What?

It's from Cleveland. What do you Midwest guys know about beer?

Would you like to meet our spokes-belly?

[speaking in Spanish]

- Twenty five bucks. - Twenty.

I'll take it.

[metal clanking]

Drew, does that sound like a bat hitting the side of

oh, I don't know, say, an ice cream truck?

Oh, my God.

[clanking]

Finally, baseball.

Hey! Hey! Knock it off.

Get out! This is my territory.

Hey, the only reason we're here in the first place

is 'cause we're on our way to a baseball game

and our truck got stuck.

Oh, you want a baseball game?

Look, I'm Joe DiMaggio.

Hey, yo! Hey!

Alright. Do you wanna dance, huh?

- We'll dance. - Ooh!

Ooh!

- Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh-- - Whoa! Hey, hey, hey!

Knock it off, ya humps.

I'm a detective from the 15th Precinct.

Come on out of there.

What's goin' on, Fluffy?

This lobe and his friends

are tryin' to take over my territory.

Shoot him!

Hey, we just ran out of gas.

If you're gonna bust anybody, bust Carol Channing.

She's been ridin' our tail all day.

Ohio plates, huh?

You got a license to sell that ice cream?

We haven't any ice cream in the truck. All we got is beer.

Beer, huh? You got a license to sell the beer?

We don't need a license. We haven't sold anything.

[speaking in Spanish]

I just tried one of those beers you sold me. They're great, man.

I'll take another case.

Sold? I-I thought I was givin' it away.

Oh! Is that why you gave me that 20 bucks?

I thought you thought I was a gigolo.

You know, uh, that guy, uh, Joe Buck in "Midnight Cowboy."

- "Midnight Cowboy?" - Yeah.

- The handsome kid... - 'Right.'

Comes to the city...

Please, don't take us to prison.

I need a specific soap or else I get a rash.

You're not gonna go to prison, honey.

You're just gonna get a fine.

All we got is 20 bucks.

Ah, that's it. Well, see, now you made me a liar.

Come on, let's go.

- Come on. - What are you taking me in for?

[indistinct chattering]

Out of my way. Shy bladder coming through.

Oh, why did you hold it so long?

Why didn't you go when we were in jail?

Well, there was no toilet paper.

I could have got some but...

...it would have cost me my innocence.

I still can't believe they let us go.

What a great bunch of cops.

Yeah, how about when they took up a collection

of the holding tanks, so we could buy gas.

What a great bunch of criminals.

Look, uh, not the most intelligent guys though.

Probably still waiting for us to come back with that pizza.

[laughing]

And they call us bumpkins.

[laughing]

Okay, I'm ready.

- Does anyone want a ride? - I'll go with you.

Wait a second. Wait, wait, wait. Nobody's going anywhere.

We haven't had any fun yet.

Hey, let's have a party. A slumber party.

At each of our individual houses, huh? Hey.

- Yeah, yeah. - Wait, wait, wait.

It's not even 11 o'clock yet.

I-I bet we could go see a midnight movie.

Hey, how about we each rent our own individual midnight movies

and watch it in our own beds? Hey! Let's go.

No, no, no, no, no.

I'm talking about the midnight movie.

"The Rocky Horror Picture Show."

- 'What?' - Oh, my God.

We haven't done that since high school.

- Yeah. - This sounds like a lot of fun.

- Yeah. - Let's do it!

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Only this time, we won't get wasted

and question our sexuality.

Like everyone except me did.

Let's hurry up and change.

I can't believe I can still fit in my Brad costume.

Except now, do you feel outrageous?

I don't know about you but that breeze

I'm feeling is pretty outrageous.

Let me ask you something, Oswald.

Why is it that that corset you've had stored away

for all these years look so frayed?

Hey, I use it as a weight belt when I'm delivering packages.

Yeah, I only like beer

'cause those little frogs are so damn cute.

No.

- 'Look.' - 'Oh, my God.'

It can't be.

(Drew) Hey, what's goin' on here?

What happened to "The Rocky Horror Show?"

It's gone like your pants and his self-respect.

Oh, yeah, "Rocky Horror's" a hell of a lot

better than "Priscilla."

[crowd booing]

Oh, my God. You're transvestite.

It's all comin' together now.

She's as straight as rest of us.

Oh, this stinks.

"Rocky Horror" has better music, better dancin'

better everything.

[crowd booing]

Sorry, Carey, your drag is old, our drag is new.

[crowd cheering]

Oh, yeah?

Oh, I got something to say about that.

[Richard O'Brien singing "The Time Warp"]

♪ It's astounding ♪

♪ Time is fleeting ♪

♪ Madness takes its toll ♪

♪ I remember ♪

♪ Doing the time warp ♪

♪ Drinking those moments when ♪

♪ The blackness would hit me ♪

♪ And the void would be calling ♪

♪ Let's do the time warp again ♪

Is that all you brought? I'll show you how to do drag.

[Dino Fekaris singing "Shake Your Groove Thing"]

♪ There's nothing more that I'd like to do ♪

♪ Than take the floor and dance with you ♪

♪ Keep dancin' ♪

♪ Let's keep dancin' ♪

♪ Dance ♪

♪ Shake it shake it ♪

♪ Let show the world we can dance ♪

♪ We do more out on the floor ♪

♪ Groovin' loose or heart to heart ♪

♪ We put in motion every single part ♪

♪ Funky sounds wall to wall ♪

♪ We're bumpin' booties havin' us a ball y'all ♪

♪ Let's do the time warp again ♪

♪ It's just a jump to the left ♪

♪ Whoa and then a step to the right ♪

♪ With your hands on your hips ♪

♪ You bring your knees in tight ♪

♪ But it's the pelvic thrust ♪

♪ That really drives you insane ♪

♪ Let's do the time warp again ♪

♪ Shake your groove thing shake your groove thing ♪

♪ Yeah yeah ♪

♪ Show 'em how we do it now ♪

♪ Shake your groove thing shake your groove thing ♪

♪ Yeah yeah ♪

♪ Show 'em how we do it now ♪

♪ Let's do the time warp again ♪

♪ Shake your groove thing shake your groove thing ♪

♪ Yeah yeah ♪

♪ Let's do the time warp let's do the time warp ♪

♪ Let's do the time warp again ♪

Oh, man, my feet are killing me.

Next time, I'm a transvestite in sensible shoes.

I may look the look but I ain't walkin' the walk.

So, I bet you don't feel like

old man Carey anymore, huh, Drew?

Yeah, quit bogartin' the Bengay.

(Oswald) 'Huh?'

All I'm saying is Mr. Wick was wearing a Wonderbra

'cause there was no way that was natural.

- Um-um. - No.

Yeah, still for a bunch of corn-fed Midwesterners

we really turned it out.

[chuckling]

Can I ask you one thing?

How come we always get sucked into these big dance things?

Why?

I'll tell you why.

Five, six, seven, eight.

[instrumental music]