Original subtitles

We just wanted you to look over

the lease for our new apartment

you know, 'cause you're the stickler for detail

in this crowd.

Oh, well, here's the first irregularity.

It's written on a cocktail napkin.

Hey, it's the apartment above the Warsaw.

It's a bar, it's all he had to write on.

Yeah, and it's ours as soon as we fill out our credit report.

Mm-hmm.

Are you guys sure you wanna live above a bar?

I'm just kidding. Come on! Whee!

- Whoo-hoo-hoo. - Whoo-hoo.

[shivers] Sorry, guys, the wedding went kinda long.

Wow, that bridesmaid thing looks like a great deal.

Not only you get to go to a party

but you get a dress you can wear again to the Grand Ole Opry.

Uh-huh. Thanks. I hate weddings.

- She had five bridesmaids! - So?

So it made me realize I don't even have five female friends.

I can only think of one, and when she finds out

what I did with her boyfriend, I won't have any.

Why do you need girlfriends when you have us?

It's not the same.

Watch. Oswald, close your eyes.

What am I wearing?

You're naked.

That's it. I gotta get some girlfriends.

But where do women hang out?

What do they think? What do they do?

Uh, I don't know if this helps, but they hang out in groups

they think of me as just a friend

and they're really sorry, but they're usually busy

on Friday and Saturday nights.

Okay, this meeting of the owners of Buzz Beer is now in session.

I called you here to discuss corporate finances.

Now, the good news is, after a year

of hard work, sweat, determination

we've made enough profits to be in the black.

- Alright! - Oh, I'll drink to that.

Oops, now we're in the red again.

Well, let's just charge more, how much do we need

to charge for each bottle to make it profitable?

Uh, 29.95.

Hey, yeah, and I've got the campaign.

Buzz Beer, the penis-enlarging, cancer-curing, fat-reducing

guaranteed-to-get-you- into-heaven beer, huh?

Still, 30 bucks.

This sucks.

Hey, wait a minute.

We still got about 300 gallons left in old Bessy here.

If we're gonna go out of business, we should go out

with a bang. I say we throw a party.

We invite a bunch of our friends

and, uh, liquidate the inventory.

- Yeah. Yeah. - Free beer for everybody.

- 'Alright.' - 'Wait.'

I've got it! Don't give up yet.

I got the one idea that will save our business.

Let's put the beer in a bottle shaped like a vase.

Then, when people are done drinking

they can put flowers in it!

Free beer for everybody!

- Yeah! - Alright.

[Vogues singing "Five O'clock World"]

♪ Up every mornin' just to keep a job ♪

♪ I gotta fight my way through the hustling mob ♪

♪ Sounds of the city poundin' in my brain ♪

♪ While another day goes down the drain ♪

♪ Yeah yeah yeah ♪ ♪ But it's a 5 o'clock world ♪

♪ When the whistle blows no one owns a piece of my time ♪

♪ And there's a 5 o'clock me inside my clothes ♪

♪ Thinkin' that the world looks fine yeah ♪

♪ Hey hey ♪ ♪ Holiday ee-e-e yeah ♪

♪ Hey hey ♪

[instrumental music]

Come on, Lewis, you're supposed to meet me at the Warsaw.

You haven't even left your apartment yet?

Well, hurry up!

[receiver slams]

Hey, bud, sorry we're late.

Man, living above the Warsaw's a blast.

You can go out, get drunk and be home

spinnin' in bed in 30 seconds.

Yeah.

- Good times, good times. - Yeah.

So you guys will be coming out to the Warsaw

in your pajamas from now on?

Well, in the winter. Summer's wide open.

Hey, uh, any luck selling that brewery equipment?

You know, if I defaulted that loan, I'm gonna lose my house.

Don't worry, we'll find a buyer.

Our ad came out today in the "Dollar Stretcher."

And with a couple of clever abbreviations

I managed to save us a lot of money.

"For sol, used beer quip. Real chip."

- What the hell is that? - Well, you pay by the letter.

No, I think what Drew is tryin' to say, buddy, is

"Osh, you upid inking oron."

Guys, I'd like you to meet my new friend, Jewel.

- Jewel, this is Drew. - Hey.

And I guess this must be Heff and the beef.

- Hi. - Hey, guys.

- 'Hi.' - Hey, I know you.

You're the assistant manager of payroll down at the store.

Yeah, for seven years.

I must have a sign on my back that says, "Do not promote."

[chuckles] Must've borrowed mine.

[laughing]

You know, there's something about you that's so familiar

but I can't put my finger on it.

(Oswald) 'Could you take off your glasses?'

No.

There it is again.

Check out the glasses. Hello, Internet.

[chuckling]

- You care to join us? - 'No, thanks.'

We're waiting for my two best friends.

Oh, here they are now.

Lois, Olivia.

[chuckles] You are lookin' at two smart chicks.

We just cheated the pay toilet out of 25 cents.

- Huh... - Yeah.

[chuckles] My silver earrings, same size as a quarter.

They're not as dumb as they look.

Hm.

Are you guys ready to go?

I've planned a full girls' night out.

We're gonna coordinate some outfits, trash my mom

talk about my boyfriends and, you know

other stuff women do. Right, ladies?

Yeah, good times, huh.

[mumbles]

You know, I don't say this very often, but, arr...

Hey, Drew, there's a cute little

'redhead at the bar who's looking at you.'

Yeah, and she's thinking, "Look at that nice man.

Should he buy alcohol for his two special friends?"

No, she's-she's coming right towards you, man.

Yeah, miracles happen every day.

Excuse me.

Could I borrow your ketchup for a second?

- Uh, sure. - Thanks.

Hey, double-chili cheese burger. That's my favorite.

I usually get double onions on mine.

♪ Ah-ah ah ah-ah ♪

Isn't that cute?

Hello. Hello.

Hey, uh, I haven't seen you around here before.

Uh, that's because I'm from Akron.

I'm here on business till Sunday.

Oh, really? Well, what do you do?

I have a chain of my own small bakeries.

♪ Ha-a ha-a ha-a ha-ha ♪

Hi, I'm Drew. The Theatre Boys' Choir is Oswald and Lewis.

Ah, it's nice to meet you.

[pager beeping]

- Shit, I gotta go. - Uh.

Is there a muffin in trouble? 'Cause I know hand-to-mouth.

Anyway, thanks for the ketchup.

Sure. Oh, hey, listen.

If you're, uh, in town till Sunday

I mean, I'm havin' a big party Saturday night.

- Maybe you wanna stop by? - That sounds fun.

Oh, by the way, did anybody catch the score

of tonight's Bull's Calves game?

Yeah, it was, uh, 121-15 Calves. You a Calves fan?

[scoffs] Isn't everyone? See ya.

[chuckles]

♪ Ah ah ah ♪

♪ Ma-a-an ♪

Wow! She is perfect, man.

She's everything I wanted. She's...

She's.. Who the hell is she? I don't even know her name.

- I forgot to get her name! - Don't worry, dude.

She works at a bakery in North America.

You're bound to find her eventually.

[laughing]

[instrumental music]

Hey, Mimi. Copier's out of toner again.

[scoffs] How many times do I have to tell you

your ass is a two-machine job?

I was just making more copies for a big party

I'm havin' on Saturday.

Oh, I shouldn't have mentioned anything

'cause I have no intention of inviting you.

How uncomfortable I am now.

Rippin' off the company, huh? Figures.

I was talkin' on the phone to my aunt in Australia

tellin' her what a pig you are.

Oh, crap, I left her on hold.

Ah, it's okay, I got her conferenced in

with my uncle in Guam.

Why do your relatives live so far away?

Oh, yeah.

"Help us say goodbye to Buzz Beer this Saturday night.

All of the Buzz Beer you can drink, free, free, free!"

Gee, goin' out of business, huh?

Well, I can't imagine where all the profits went.

Nice one, Mimi. By the way...

Did I mention how beautiful your hair is today?

What's wrong with it? Is it messed up?

Not today. Mr. Wick's finally taking me out to lunch.

And who's payin'?

Same person who rented the hotel room.

Lucky bastard thinks he's only gettin' the lunch.

[chuckles]

[spraying]

[laughs]

Kind of late to be decorating for the holidays, isn't it?

[laughs]

(Mimi) Uh...

- 'Um, Mr. Wick.' - Yes.

Uh, I'm gonna have to cancel lunch today

because I am on a special diet.

I am just gonna eat under here.

Oh, dear! And you've been after me for so long to do this.

I can't tell you how disappointed I am.

Perhaps we can try again in another six months.

Keep your chin up.

Just an expression.

You crossed the line this time, pig!

Come on, Mimi. Good friends, good fun.

Hey, good luck gettin' that crap out of your hair.

Mimi, here.

This is the approved artwork for the Big White Sale ad.

It's going into every edition of Saturday's newspapers.

So don't scratch the originals.

I'll get it to the printer immediately, sir.

Good.

Uh, by the way, Carey left

one of his party flyers in the copy.

Uh, slap his hand and charge him ten cents.

- Would you? - A-are you sure that's enough?

On his salary? Probably drop him into a different tax bracket.

[chuckles]

So anything that goes into this envelope's

gonna be read by half the city.

Yes. Now get to it.

Oh, so, Mimi, have you decided which side is tingling?

Thank you for delivering the enemy into my hands.

Oh, what am I saying?

Thanks. Owe you one.

[instrumental music]

I think one sub sandwich should've been enough

but I ordered a second one just in case.

Uh, my three new girlfriends won't be coming.

- They made other plans. - Oh, yeah?

Star Trek Convention or Singles Night at Camp USA?

No, they canceled Singles Night.

Only desperate men were showing up.

So I hear.

[door opens]

[cars honking]

Drew, what the hell is happening in your neighborhood?

I don't know if I'm being paranoid, but there are

like a 1000 cars following me.

[cars honking]

Wanna hear something weird? I picked up a paper at the Warsaw.

I looked at the Winfred-Lauder insert and this fell out.

- It's your party flyer. - What? I can't hear ya!

It's your party flyer! It was in the Winfred-Lauder insert!

Oh, it must have been an accident

'cause I have a paper and it's not in...

Oh, my God!

It's in every paper and it says "Free beer!"

[knocking on door]

Who is it?

Cleveland.

[cars honking]

Drew, this is insane! There are thousands of people here.

Oh, really? I hadn't noticed.

I thought I just had momentary fly vision.

And they just keep coming, we can't

get out the free beer fast enough.

There's a bus outside full of National Guard guys, Drew.

Oh, good. Finally somebody will bring some order to this thing.

No, they came to party.

They wanna know if your roof will support a chopper.

Okay, that's it. I may be losing my business.

I'm not gonna lose my house.

Okay, listen up, everybody!

There's been a big mistake!

[indistinct chatter]

Okay, this is supposed to be a small private party!

Now, some of you can stay

but we have a little parking problem.

I need a 1000 people to move their cars!

Thank you!

Also, this is the last one of these.

So from now on you're on your own.

And if you use the phonebook, please be considerate

and leave the plumbing section.

I'm gonna need it later on.

Drew, the phonebook is long gone.

But I managed to save your baseball cards.

This is totally out of control.

It's like the whole city of Cleveland is here.

Oh. Hey! Hey, buddy. Hey, no-no-no calls, alright?

No phone calls, huh? No calls, man.

I'm sorry. I've to make a very important long-distance call.

- Oh, my God, you're the mayor! - Hi--

Mayor White! I can't believe it. The mayor's in my house!

Using my phone.

Still, uh, it is my phone. No long-distance calls. Okay?

I think I found a place to put the rubble from the old stadium.

Hey, Kate, have you seen a little redhead

girl about this tall? I don't know her name.

And she's leaving for Akron tomorrow.

I'll keep an eye out for her. I gotta get some air.

Excuse me. Excuse me. Coming through.

Woman with a weak bladder. Gonna puke here!

Claustrophobic!

Woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown!

Out of my way!

Hey, you, with the red hair, Drew's looking for ya.

Hey, you with the brown hair, where is he?

Back there somewhere. Good luck.

There's no bodily function gross enough to part this crowd.

You guys? What are you doing here?

I, I-I thought you were all busy doing different things.

You guys are ditching me?

Look, Kate, the truth is we don't always wanna talk about

shopping or clothes or boys. We have other interests.

Frankly, you're too girly.

Who are you calling a girl?

That's the other thing, Kate. Your anger.

It scares us.

Take off your glasses. I'll show you anger.

- Uh, Lois, Olivia... - Hey! Hey, you!

No touching. Hey, you, you watch it with those hands.

Hey, you good-looking. No one told you to stop.

- Oh, God. - This is insane.

There is no way we can keep up with demand.

My back is killing me.

- Lay down on the conveyer belt. - What?

- Just do it. - Alright. Uh...

Oh. Ah...

Whoa!

Wow, this is great! When did you discover this?

Uh, a guy tried it on a conveyer belt at Drug Co.

Unfortunately, he fell asleep, and when he woke up

he had 400 pills and a pound of cotton shoved up his butt.

[door opens]

Hey, I got a drunken mob out there screaming for more beer

I'm hauling out trash out back as fast as I can

and what are you two doing? Get off of there.

Somebody roll me.

Oh, my God, this is...

Oh, yeah. That's right.

Oh, roll me, baby, all night long.

Oh, yeah. Oh.

Just one more time, Mayor White. Go long.

Oh, my God, it's Bernie Kosar!

I'm sorry, I thought this was the men's room.

Wow! Bernie Kosar.

Go wherever you want, man.

Yeah, unless you have to take a model.

Hey, you're the guy with the crew cut and the glasses.

There's this cute redhead outside looking for you.

She said if she missed you, to say thanks.

This was the best party of her life.

Cute redheaded girl. Good grief!

Bernie Kosar! Did you see...

- Hey. - Hey.

We were looking for you guys, when we saw you earlier, we were

gonna ask you if you wanted to go somewhere after the party.

You know, Olivia, I'm, I am really attracted to you and all.

You remind me of someone I know

but I just can't figure out who it is.

I know, Lewis. I feel the same way.

[chuckles] Me, too, Lewis. I mean, Lois. Lois.

- Okay. Bye. Nice to meet you. - I gotta go.

[indistinct chatter]

Great party, Carey.

By the way, you owe the company $300

for the ad space you used up.

But I, uh, left a bit of a train spot in your loo

so we'll call it even.

Hey, baker lady. Hey, hey, wait up.

Sorry, VIPs only.

It's-it's my house. It's my bedroom.

Tonight it's Little Richard's bedroom.

Little Richard?

"Good Golly Ms. Molly" Little Richard is here?

Yes, and Mr. Joe Walsh. And they have a list.

And you aren't on it.

Babes.

Oh, oh, I get it, you're only letting

the beautiful people upstairs.

Now I'm confused again.

Great party, Drew.

Boy, Little Richard and Joe Walsh...

Never gonna see a chess game like that again.

You know, you've done a lot of crappy things to me, Mimi.

But, uh, making me the most popular man in Cleveland

I'm afraid I'm never gonna get over this.

[chuckles]

Joe, Little Richard.

I didn't see that checkmate coming, Joe.

Whoo, boy, you good.

Yeah, you're still the best at Stratego, man.

Wow, Joe Walsh and Little Richard

what are you guys doing in my house?

We were over at the Rock and Roll

Hall of Fame, saw your ad in the paper

and I said, "Man, I hope they got giant subs."

Look everybody, it's Little Richard and Joe Walsh!

[crowd cheering]

You mind if we jam?

Ooh, can I play my accordion?

No! Shut up.

Okay, uh, anybody got a guitar?

[indistinct chattering]

Listen up, everybody. Hello.

Listen up, everybody.

There's this cat and I don't even really know his name

but Lewis just said that his old lady just had a baby!

[crowd cheering]

Yeah, and that made me think

wow, it really is a city here, man.

So, this is for you and your old lady, man.

Woo! That kid is gonna be far out.

[crowd cheering]

Also I just received a warning that the blue nachos

circulating around are not specifically too good.

So, it's suggested that you stay away from that.

Of course, it's your own trip.

Hey, everyone, I just heard on the radio

Drew's house is now the tenth largest city in Ohio.

[crowd cheering]

[Little Richard and Joe Walsh playing "Rocky Mountain Way"]

♪ Spent the last year Rocky Mountain way ♪

♪ Couldn't get much higher ♪

♪ Out to pasture think it's safe... ♪

♪ Time to open fire ♪

♪ And we don't need the ladies ♪

♪ Cryin' 'cause the story's sad ♪

♪ 'Cause the Rocky Mountain way ♪

♪ Is better than the way we had ♪

♪ Whoa oh oh ♪ ♪ Whoa whao ♪

♪ Oh oh oh ♪

♪ Woo oo oo ♪

[music continues]

Man, what a way to go out of business.

My head's still spinning.

Yeah, two hours of punching toilets will do that.

[telephone ringing]

Hello? No, sorry, we're all out of Buzz Beer.

I'm sorry, I don't know where you can get any. Sorry. Bye.

That's like the tenth call this morning.

Wait a second. Are we stupid?

All these people calling, bugging us for Buzz Beer?

Yeah, we should unplug the phone.

Now wait a second. We can't go out of business now.

Last night we turned half of Cleveland on to Buzz Beer.

Yeah, it's not like the other half drinks wine.

(Oswald) 'Mm.'

Buzz Beer's back in business. Who's with me?

- Yeah! - Whoo! Whoo!

(Little Richard) 'Shut up!'

Shh!

Checkmate! Aa-ha-ha. Ooh...

[laughing] Ooh, ooh!

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]