Original subtitles

[grunting]

[screaming]

Boy, skull mugs, scary signs...

Hey, how come we didn't do

a Halloween commercial for Buzz Beer?

Halloween's a crazy pagan holiday.

- Our beer's classier than that. - 'Mm.'

Remember our slogan. "The beer that throws up smooth."

Yeah. Yes.

Yeah, but we still need a promotion.

Hey, I got it. We put somethin' spooky, in every bottle.

No, we already do that.

Hey, how about Lewis and I dress up in

costumes when we deliver the beer?

No, no costumes. It's too unprofessional.

I'm sick of going to the bank every Halloween

havin' to show two forms of ID to the Riddler.

Come on, Drew. You gotta get into the spirit of it, you know.

Hey, you know, DrugCo said we could wear costumes

to work this year. I'm, uh, thinkin' of goin' as a burglar.

- 'Ooh.' - You're the night janitor.

The only other guy there is an armed security guard.

Hey, I know, why don't you, uh

why don't you gain some weight and go as a mop?

Why don't you lose some weight and go as Earth?

[laughing]

Hey, I'm not fat.

Then, I'm not skinny.

Okay.

Alright.

I'm gonna ask for more chili cheese fries, you want some?

Nah, that cracker filled me up.

- Hi, guys. - Hey!

Did you notice the way I just walked in here?

I thought we weren't supposed to watch you

walk anymore after our little talk.

- That still stands. - Okay.

What I meant was

I'm over this I need a man to feel complete thing.

- Hey. - Mm-hmm.

For the first time, I walked into The Warsaw

without scoping the room.

- That's good news. - Mm-hmm.

Uh, Kate, I'm really happy for you

but you didn't scope the room because it's always

the same people in here. We know everybody.

Look, turned me down, turned me down, turned me down

turned me down, turned me down, gay, turned me down.

Oh, wait a minute. Gay, gay, gay gay, gay, gay, gay, gay.

Drew, these women aren't all gay

just 'cause they wouldn't go out with you.

Yes they are. They wouldn't go out with us, either.

[laughing]

You know, that is a point. We're not meeting anybody new here.

Maybe it's time we oughta try a new bar.

But why bother, I mean, I enjoy talkin' to you guys

way more than some handsome stranger

who just sat down over there in the corner.

Hello, new blood.

I don't look unattainable, do I?

- No, you look easy. - Thanks!

- Meow. - Excuse me, kitty.

Oh! Excuse me, I'm sorry. Oh, oops, sorry again.

- Hey... - You alright?

Uh, I'm, I'm fine. Thank you.

I'm just a little embarrassed.

Hi, I'm Kate and these are my strictly platonic friends

whom I'd never date.

Drew, Oswald and Lewis.

Hi, you can just call us the "Uniques."

Wow, Uniques. I should do real well at this bar.

(Oswald) 'Yeah.'

Listen, can I buy you guys a beer?

Hey, we like this guy. Come on.

Gee, I, uh, I bet there's a story behind that shirt.

Um, "The Devil."

Yeah, does your drycleaner mix up your laundry too?

'Cause I'm just swimmin' here in the holy spirits boxer shorts.

Actually, my buddies made this for me. It's just a nickname.

Huh, Devil, huh? So, how do you get a nickname like that?

Oh, just... stuff.

So what can I get you guys?

Look at us, what can't you get us.

How about one round of beer?

I'm outta work. Things are a little tight right now.

This waiter's gonna take forever. Let me get those beers.

Well, he seems nice enough... for the Devil.

It's just a nickname.

Yeah, nicknames don't mean anything.

I remember Drew had lots of 'em.

- Turf top. - Shut up.

- Four eyes. - Shut up.

- Lord of the fries. - Shut up.

- Fat Masterson. - Shut up!

[laughing]

- Lewis had nicknames, too. - Oh, yeah?

- Yeah. Loser with turf top. - Shut up.

- Loser with lord of the fries. - Shut up.

- Loser with Fat Masterson. - Shut up!

What'd they call me?

- Shut up, Oswald. - Oh yeah.

Good times.

[theme song]

♪ Moon over Parma ♪

♪ Bring my love to me tonight ♪

♪ Guide her to Cleveland underneath your silvery light ♪

♪ We're goin' bowlin' so don't lose her in Solon ♪

♪ Moon over Parma tonight ♪

[instrumental music]

Drew, stop! There's something wrong with that coffee.

Oh, my God, what?

It was the last cup and you had it.

♪ Hate you in the mornin' hate you in the evenin' ♪

♪ Hate you at suppertime ♪

♪ Oh how I hate you ♪

♪ Hate you all time ♪

Here's a memo from Mr. Wick.

Don't sing to me unless you want a fistful of trouble, jerkwad.

Jeez, you kiss the boss's butt with that mouth?

What? Mr. Wick wants us to wear costumes to work on Halloween.

No way, it's the most idiotic thing

I've ever heard in my life.

And then, I said maybe we should think about this.

It has some merit.

Pretty sound thinking.

And then I said, Carey's a complete horse's ass

and we all had a jolly good laugh. Ha ha ha.

What's wrong with costumes?

If I may speak to thee, my lordship.

I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

In fact, I think, it encourages employee camaraderie

and goodwill towards customers.

So would tying you between two buses.

Bite me, bloato.

Stop it, you two!

Anyway, clown face is right, bloato.

'Now..'

...which have you seen less of

Prince Albert or William of Orange.

Uh, sir, I'm just afraid that management will lose

a certain amount of respect, in costumes.

Really?

Do you respect me any less now, Carey?

- No, sir. - Well...

Do you respect me any less... now, Carey? Hmm?

That wouldn't be possible, sir.

Right. Back to work, you two.

Carry on, Bobek.

Cripes!

- Hey, Drew. - Jack, what's up?

Kate's not due for a break for another half hour.

Yeah, I know. I'm here to see you.

Oh. This is all so sudden. It's a rite.

No luck findin' a job, huh, buddy?

Nothing. I'm beginning to wonder if it's me.

Hey, you lose that attitude right now, mister.

I've been in personnel almost eight years

and I know for a fact, there's a job out there for everybody.

No matter how unskilled, uneducated or unmotivated.

Some of 'em work right here.

- You got anything open? - Maybe.

Least we can do is get you on file.

Can I have your, uh, full name?

You gonna check this out?

[chuckling] Well... I am now.

Okay, it's The Devil.

- T-H-E D-E-V-- - Wait a second.

Uh, could you slow down? My-my pen's out of blood.

See, with a sense of humor like that

you're bound to get somethin' sooner or later.

Okay, full name. Real one this time.

That is my real name.

I am the Devil.

Oh, that's funny, 'cause your...

...your voice is a lot higher than it is in my head.

Come on, Drew. Put down The Devil.

- Everything's under that name. - Look, Jack, I'm really busy.

- I don't have time-- - It's not Jack.

Jack's just a name I use these days to fit in.

Believe it or not, there was a time when Beelzebub

was as common as Jack but legally, it's The Devil.

Oh, look, come on. Let's see your drivers license.

The Devil.

Jersey, huh?

You know, you think with all that power you'd take

a better picture. Where's your horns?

You know, you have one bad hair day in the 13th century

all of a sudden you've got horns.

Well, I guess we can skip the psychological profile.

What, uh, what, what were your last jobs?

Well, I've had my hand in this and that.

Um, used car sales.

The DMV.

The post office!

And UNICEF.

Nobody's all bad.

[laughing]

Well, you know, there's nothing here for the, uh

Prince of Darkness right now but I'm sure to keep my eyes open.

Cool. Listen, I have to show the unemployment

office that I'm out looking.

Would you mind, um

signing this piece of paper?

Oh, The Devil wants me to sign somethin'.

That always turns out good.

[instrumental music]

(Drew) 'And that my friends, is why..'

...I always end by sayin'

"Boys... what's the name of the game."

Drew's a big jackass?

- No, that's bowling. - Oh.

This is nine ball.

Oh, man.

See, Oswald, nobody beats saturated fats.

You wanna play another game? Kate's not here yet.

Jeez, I hope she didn't go with that Jack guy.

Does he have a van? I bet The Devil has a really cool van.

He's not the Devil, Oswald.

He's just some wacko who thinks

he's The Devil.

Kate, where have you been?

Guys, you would not believe the day I've had.

Suddenly, I am the luckiest woman alive.

I'm buying Jack lunch, right?

They forget to give us a receipt.

- I get it free. - The Devil, you say.

Then, you know how bad I wanted the apartment upstairs.

The newlyweds are getting a divorce.

They've been married a week. How lucky is that.

Kate, I think you better sit down.

What's up? Are you okay?

Yeah, well, you know, uh

Jack came by my cubicle today.

Oh, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said you'd help

but he is such a sweet guy.

Yeah, well, he's got a couple of quirks.

- Such as? - He thinks he's the Devil.

- He can be. - Mm.

No. He's serious. I checked it out.

Today I pulled a TRW report on "The Devil."

- What'd it say? - Oh, not much.

He's got five credit cards. He pays 'em all off every month.

He's evil I tell you. Evil!

Come on, Drew. Knock it off.

He's just kidding around with you.

No, he's not, this guy's even got his Devil name

on our check cash and card at Pick n Pay.

Good morning Mr. Devil. Paper, plastic, human skin.

Okay. So he's gotta dark sense of humor. We all do.

Oswald, remember your little joke

when you worked at the organ bank?

Hey, you want some onions with that liver?

I didn't even make the lunch hour on that job?

You see.

Look, I'm serious, Kate. This guy's nuts.

Look, at least talk to him tomorrow

because if you don't, I will.

(Lewis) 'You know, you gotta take this stuff serious.'

I mean, we had a guy at DrugCo

who said he was the president of the company.

Let me just give you a little tip.

Corporate presidents don't spank you

and then drive off on a moped.

[instrumental music]

Happy Halloween, Drew.

Oh, that's scary.

And now, we've gone beyond scary. That's just upsetting.

Bite me, dough girl.

Hey, uh, your datin' a guy called The Devil

and your dressed as Joan of Arc.

You'd think it'd be once burned, twice shy.

Bloody good, Carey.

See, now you've joined in and had a bit of fun.

Everyone won't think you're such a tight assed

stick in the mud buffoon, will they?

- I didn't know they did, sir. - And why would they, eh?

Delightful people. Carry on.

- Hey, Kate. Great costume. - Thanks.

Finally get to wear the weekend clothes to work, huh, Drew?

Bite me, bug boy.

I finished that security check on The Devil, Drew.

'The Devil's clean.'

So who do you want me to look up next, Drew?

The Boogeyman?

Hey look. It's three guys dressed like Dilbert.

- Hey, Jack. - Kate, you look hot.

Hey, Mimi.

- Ready to go to lunch? - Yeah.

Uh, wait a second, Kate.

Don't you have somethin' you need to talk to Jack about?

Uh, I can't believe you're making me do this.

Jack, would you tell Drew that you're yankin' his chain.

He really thinks you believe you're the Devil.

Oh, man. This always happens.

Because of the nickname, right?

Yeah. And because I am Satan. Let's go to lunch.

- What? - What is wrong?

What's wrong is that we've been seeing each other for weeks

you'd think this Devil thing might have come up.

Look, I know it takes some getting used to

and I'm sorry I lied, but it's no big deal.

No big deal? I really liked you.

You were the sweetest, most

gentle guy I'd met in a long time.

Now I can't date you 'cause you're a nut job.

Sorry. It doesn't work that way. We have a deal.

A deal? When? What kind of deal?

Remember the other day at lunch?

You said you'd sell your soul for a milkshake.

That was just an expression.

I want a milkshake. I wanna be president.

I want a spot between "Seinfeld" and "ER."

It's all the same thing.

It's a contract. You're stuck with me.

So what if I don't go along with our little deal?

What are you gonna do? Follow me around and do creepy things?

The Devil does not follow.

I am so far ahead of you.

Wherever you go I'll already be there.

It's gonna look, like you're following me.

Oh, great.

- You're just another jerk? - Another jerk? See.

- Wow, that was pretty weird. - Weird.

(both) Stop it! Stop it!

Aah! Drew, this is ridiculous.

We're acting like he is The Devil.

Listen, I've dealt with guys like this before

if you don't humor him, we're never gonna get rid of him.

And he hasn't done anything

we can go to the cops about.

Okay, mister, I'll play along.

In your little Devil world

what does it take to get someone out of bondage?

You can exchange them for another soul.

Alright. Take hers.

Oh, man. It's bad enough down there as it is.

Look, uh, I've read somewhere that you're a betting man.

Why don't you and I play a little game of nine ball...

...for Kate's soul?

Ah! Now that's interesting.

Uh, if I lose I give up Kate's soul. What if I win?

Oh, if you win, you can keep me in middle management

for the rest of my life.

- I've got news for you. - No!

Okay look, if I lose...

...you can have Kate's soul, my soul

and, uh... I'll even throw in the soul of that temp we just hired.

It's a deal. I'll see you tonight.

Soon, all your worldly desires will be fulfilled.

Damn! I forgot to validate.

Drew, here's the files that...

You wish.

[instrumental music]

[shouting]

[laughs] Funny.

I want you, pal. You are goin' down.

Down... Oh, wait a minute. Up! You're goin' up.

Are you sure this is a good idea?

Shouldn't we just beat the crap out of him and run?

We tried that before in third grade

with little Timmy Hawkins, remember?

Next thing you know, the devil's mom was callin'

my mom I have to mow their lawn for a month.

None of the other kids in hell were allowed

to play with me.

You better win, 'cause if you don't

I'm never gonna get this guy out of my life.

Don't worry, Kate. Nobody beats Drew on his own table.

- Is there anything we can do? - Yeah.

Get the garlic outta here. He's not a vampire, Oswald.

Oh, and I suppose the Devil's above that sort of thing.

Okay. Let's go. Jack, you break.

Make it a good one. 'Cause you're gonna need it.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Ha ha ha.

♪ The Devil went down to Georgia ♪

♪ He was lookin' for soul to steal ♪

♪ He was in a bind 'cause he was way behind ♪

♪ He was willin' to make a deal ♪

♪ When he came across this young man ♪

♪ Sawin' on a fiddle and playin' it hot ♪

♪ And the Devil jumped upon a hickory stump ♪

♪ And said boy let me tell you what.. ♪

Oh.

Okay. Double or nothin'.

I'm sure I can find a couple more souls.

Wow! You're gonna sell out your friends.

It's fun, isn't it?

- So, can I break again? - Yeah. Go ahead.

Thanks.

Hey, look, there's God!

[laughing]

My shot, my lord.

- Yeah. - Aha.

Now stand back and I'll show you how a mere mortal

cleans the Devil's clock.

- Yeah. - Aha.

Yeah, buddy.

Size it up.

- 'Come on, Drew.' - 'You got it, buddy.'

- 'Yeah. Take your time.' - 'Okay.'

Look at that.

You're up.

(Lewis) Hang on. I got an idea, okay.

Say, uh, Jack...

...did you know that a, uh, person pure of heart

can steal the Devil's soul?

Got your soul. Got your soul.

[laughing]

- No, you don't. - Oh, really, really?

- What's this? - A thumb, moron.

The Devil has no inner child. It's sad really.

Yeah.

Uh-oh. Here we go.

- I'm gonna lose my soul! - Your soul?

How about that poor guy at work when Ready Time

tells him his next assignment's eternal damnation?

Well... guess it's up to me to outwit the Devil himself.

I'm not touchin' the Devil. I'm not touchin' the Devil.

The last guy who did that has to wipe a flies mouth for eternity.

It's your shot. Go ahead.

Okay, Kate, we'll do it your way. Lewis, hold him.

I'm gonna sit on The Devil's head and see

how he likes wearin' a butt helmet.

Yeah.

This is so stupid.

Jack, what are you tryin' to prove here?

You wanna be the Devil. You're the Devil.

You could be Good King Wenceslas for all I care.

I just want you to leave me alone.

Nope. We have a contract.

Well, a real man wouldn't need a contract.

- 'Ooh.' - Excuse me?

What, are you afraid you're not man enough for me

without being The Devil?

- That's ridiculous. - Ooh!

What's wrong, Mr. Devil boy?

[all blabbering]

That's it, isn't it?

The only way you can get a woman is to steal her soul.

I never thought of it like that.

Kate... if I hadn't been The Devil...

...just Jack, the ordinary guy you met by accident in a bar...

...would you have kept going out with me?

Well, sure. If you were really that guy.

- Kate. - Yeah?

Who do you think invented the sensitive guy routine?

- Kiss me, I'm hurting. - Ooh!

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Alright. That's it. Oswald, hold my coat.

Kate's soul in the corner pocket.

The Devil's about to take a virgin bride.

Give me back my coat. What'd you say?

Corner pocket and the virgin Kate, is mine.

[snickers]

Did, uh, did Kate tell you she was a virgin?

Yeah.

[laughing]

She's not a virgin. If you wanna virgin, take Lewis.

I can cook.

You told me you were a virgin!

Was I drinking 'cause sometimes

I'm a virgin when I'm drunk.

Okay, alright. Wait a minute. There's some leeway here, okay?

Have you ever...

Just a little bit.

- Forget it! - Hey, yeah.

I cannot believe you guys!

I met a nicer class of people in Gomorrah.

Hey, if you want a virgin, get outta Cleveland.

Yeah.

We may not get it regular, but we got it once.

Yeah.

♪ Johnny, rosin' up your bow and play your fiddle hard ♪

♪ 'Cause Hell's broke loose in Georgia and the Devil deals the cards ♪

[knock on door]

Coming.

[coughs]

Ooh. Scary costumes.

Uh, let's see what we got here.

Oh, chocolate bars. You know, these are bad for your teeth.

Why don't I take these and I'll give you some of these

yummy granola bars my doctor suggested that I eat?

What else we got.

Oh, now, this is trouble. Taffy apples.

You know, these could have razor blades in 'em.

I have an x-ray machine.

So I'll take these and I'll give you this...

...can of tuna and this exercise video.

You're welcome. Happy Halloween.

Whoo!

[knock on door]

Coming! Hope you have Abba-Zabas.

- Trick. - Or what?

Nothin'. Just trick.

I already bought that outfit. That's for wearin' it first.