Original subtitles

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Trevor: This old guy is my grandpa, Reynold Harmony.

Trevor: And not to sound selfish with him about to kick the bucket and all,

Trevor: spoiler alert,

Trevor: destiny is about to do a mic drop into my nuts.

Trevor: I'm actually a highly educated biologist.

Trevor: I graduated at the top of my class,

Trevor: Trevor Harmony, Valictorian, and look where it got me.

Trevor: It all started after college.

Reynold: Come here, little man. Hard for me to talk.

Reynold: God damn Alzheimer's... can barely string two congruent thoughts together.

Reynold: So I better make this quick before I short out again.

Reynold: You're... now how shall I put this lightly?

Reynold: Such a goddamn motherfucking disappointment!

Trevor: Say what you want about the old man. He knew how to get a point across.

Trevor: What do you mean?

Trevor: I have a master's degree in cytosubiology.

Trevor: I'm going to Alaska to study orcas.

Reynold: Such a goddamn disappointment.

Reynold: Whale mating?

Trevor: I'm not sure I follow.

Reynold: You know good goddamn well what I mean, you little shithead.

Reynold: You're a harmony.

Reynold: It's been passed down from the eldest born male for 11 generations.

Reynold: Trevor, you're a good boy.

Reynold: Always been a man of your word.

Reynold: A trait you probably got from me.

Reynold: You see, we're not just a family of janitors.

Reynold: We're more, way more.

Reynold: What I'm gonna tell you has been passed down

Reynold: from Harmony Man to Harmony Man for 275 years.

Trevor: I had no idea what he was about to say

Trevor: or how important it would be, but I could see it in his eyes

Trevor: that this revelation was about to change my world forever.

Trevor: it seemed like my eyes were about to be open for the first time.

Trevor: That it was all about to make sense.

Reynold: The axe holds the keys. Keys. Keys.

Reynold: Baseball bat.

Reynold: Get away from me, demons.

Reynold: I will destroy you.

Reynold: Trevor, there you are.

Reynold: Keep running. They'll kill us all.

Trevor: Who will?

Reynold: The werewolves. Witches. Zombies.

Trevor: Oh, this shit again.

Reynold: Witches. Zombies.

Reynold: Margo...Margo...

Trevor: Alzheimer's is a bitch.

Trevor: And Margo's his car.

Trevor: And this is Margo.

Trevor: That I own.

Trevor: It's okay.

Trevor: Thanks Gramps, Thanks.

Trevor: I hate you girls. I hate you girls.

Trevor: I hate all of you.

Trevor: From valedictorian to sorority house janitor.

Trevor: Fucking hate you.

Trevor: And my life.

Maura: Someone get the door. Jesus.

Grace: I'm not getting it.

Circey: I'm not getting it, Amber's trucker shits clogged the toilet.

Amber: No I didn't!

Jenny: Don't worry, I'll get it.

Jenny: Even though no one else seems to care, Trevor, I still do.

Jenny: Rumpy Gans is at the door.

Morgan: Maura, isn't it for you?

Maura: I need to get dressed. And no, Cersei's the one that clogged the toilet.

Trevor: Hey, Jenny.

Jenny: Hi, Trevor.

Trevor: Let me guess. Toilet?

Jenny: Toilet.

Trevor: Mm.

Trevor: Which bathroom?

Jenny: Upstairs.

Trevor: That's great.

Trevor: I just don't understand...What is that?

Trevor: I don't know.

Circey: Let's hurry, Trevi.

Trevor: I've replaced orcas with turds and tampons.

Trevor: It's fine. It's fine. It's all fine.

Music: *music *

Speaker 5: ugh. Seriously, dude, just fix the thing already.

Trevor: What is in here?

Speaker 5: What do they do?

Circey: I know, right? If you actually did something instead of standing there yelling at the toilet, you'd be done already.

Grace: Yeah, you may have some anger issues and you may want to see somebody about that because my psychologist says that stress can lead to anger.

Grace: and anger can lead to a heart attack.

Trevor: - Thanks Yoda.

Grace: - Who's Yoda?

Maura: Her name is Grace.

Trevor: - What?

Trevor: You've never seen Star Wars?

Amber: - Jenny!

Amber: Jenny, hello? Jenny, hello?

Amber: Hi, Jenny.

Jenny: Oh, hey, guys.

Amber: God, I've been calling your name for like an hour.

Amber: What are you doing?

Jenny: Just--

Circey: Yes, Jenny, what are you doing?

Speaker 5: I was just gonna go to English.

Amber: Is that my biology book?

Speaker 5: Yes.

Amber: Did you get my homework done?

Speaker 5: No, but that's because I had an essay to do this morning.

Speaker 5: I'll get yours done at lunch.

Amber: I don't have time, Jenny. I need it in like an hour.

Amber: God, I swear, if you mess up my grade in biology and I fail and I don't get my dad's money,

Amber: I will strangle you with a telephone cord.

Amber: I'm just kidding. I would never do that.

Amber: But I so would if I don't get my dad's money.

Amber: You don't want to get kicked out of the sorority, do you?

Speaker 5: Well...

Speaker 5: Where are you going to go? Alphabet and dogface? I mean, really.

Jenny: It's not even a real sorority.

Amber: Cram it, Jenny. Get my homework done. Seriously. Go. Now.

Amber: Circey, come on. Grace and Moria are waiting for us.

Amber: Bye, Jenny. Love you. Don't change.

Amber: JK, LOL. Like, change a little.

Amber: Go on a diet or something.

Amber: But you're beautiful.

Morgan: Why do you let those girls talk to you like that?

Jenny: Sadly, those are the only friends I got.

Morgan: Jenny.

Morgan: You need new friends.

Jenny: Yeah.

Morgan: See? Idiots.

Jenny: Well, I mean, librarians are friends.

Jenny: And Trevor-Trevor's a friend, I think.

Jenny: And then there's... Morgan?

Trevor: - Fuckin' fuck, man.

Trevor: Come on, what, seriously?

Trevor: Aw, man.

Trevor: Amber! Fuck...

Trevor: What do we have here?

Trevor: What the fuck?

Trevor: Reynold and Heidi Harmony...

Trevor: Dad.

Trevor: That's mine now.

Trevor: Fuck you, girl.

Trevor: Ah!

Trevor: Oh, damn, Angela!

Angela: Yes?

Angela: Well, don't be scared, little kitty.

Angela: I have to leave for a few days on business.

Trevor: Vampire convention?

Angela: Wisecracks will only get you so far.

Trevor: I was going to study whales.

Angela: That's nice.

Angela: Did you get the toilet fixed?

Trevor: I did. And I'm so happy to have accomplished something in my life.

Angela: Keep it up.

Angela: You might do really well in life,

Angela: if you don't have a heart attack or something stupid.

Grace: - I am smart.

Grace: I am beautiful. I will overcome everything.

Grace: Flawless.

Amber: Ladies, we have two days before pledge day.

Amber: We have pledges to seek and hazing to do.

Amber: My favorite part.

Amber: Cersei, where do we stand with sign-ups?

Amber: Huh? Hello?

Circey: None.

Grace: None?

Grace: No one wants to sign up with us because they hear we're bitches.

Amber: We are. But so what? Who isn't?

Maura: Jenny isn't. neither is Morgan.

Amber: Morgan?

Amber: Lesbo, if you ask me.

Maura: Amber? That's mean.

Amber: She likes girls.

Amber: Like, have you ever seen her with a man?

Amber: Lesbo. Hello?

Amber: Gross.

Grace: You literally make out with your best friend when she's drunk.

Amber: That's different.

Grace: Right.

Amber: I'm not a lesbo.

Circey: Aw, and I'm an Astronaut Boop.

Amber: Oh.

Amber: Uh-huh.

Circey: Uh, uh, what's--

Grace: - Yeah!

Trevor: Please.

Trevor: Please.

Trevor: Heidi Harmony and Trevor Agent 2.

Angela: Mom and Dad.

Trevor: What is this?

Trevor: What is this?

Trevor: Washington, two dens.

Trevor: Colorado, nine covens.

Trevor: New York, unlimited...

Trevor: limited sectors?

Trevor: Too much?

Trevor: What

Trevor: Whoa!

Trevor: Goonies never say die.

Circey: Sagittarius, you are going to be extremely successful.

Circey: This could prove to be one of your most adventurous years.

Circey: Your free spirit and love of nature will prove useful in the coming months.

Circey: And although you'll fight inner demons, your true nature will come to light.

Circey: See, so things are looking up.

Amber: my true nature.

Circey: What is it, Amber?

Amber: Nothing.

Circey: What?

Amber: I just...

Amber: I don't know. It's scary.

Circey: Understanding your true self is always complicated, Amber.

Circey: Amber, you are so special.

Amber: I...

Circey: What are you doing?

Amber: What?

Amber: I...

Circey: Do you like me?

Amber: No.

Amber: I was just messing.

Amber: Oh, you're getting so sentimental on me.

Amber: Oh, no.

Circey: OK, because for a second there, I was like, what?

Amber: What?

Amber: Ew. Gross. That's gross. No.

Amber: You think I like girls? You're crazy.

Circey: You're crazy.

Amber: You're crazy.

Circey: You're crazy.

Amber: You're crazy.

Circey: You're crazy.

Circey: OK.

Circey: All right.

Amber: You're funny.

Amber: - Good one.

Circey: - All right, go to

Speaker 5: - Go to bed.

Amber: - Oh my God.

Jenny: - Hi Trevor.

Trevor: - Hey Jenny.

Jenny: I told him you were gonna be pissed.

Trevor: Oh, that's great. Which bathroom?

Jenny: Upstairs.

Trevor: Great.

Amber: Wasn't me? I don't flush tampons.

Trevor: What? What? Gross. Seriously? Come on! Why?

Amber: It wasn't. It Wasn't Ugh!

Trevor: Seriously?

Trevor: Seriously?

Trevor: Seriously?

Trevor: Yay! That fixed it.

Trevor: What?

Trevor: What?

Trevor: I hate you girls. I hate all of you!

Trevor: Fuck, man.

Trevor: Seriously?

Trevor: Ugh!

Trevor: Ugh!

Trevor: Pfft!

Angela: What?

Trevor: Looks like Gringotts up in this bitch!

Morgan: Hey.

Morgan: Buddy, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Trevor: Ow, ow, ow, ow! Stop it!

Morgan: What? You were sleeping.

Trevor: I'm not sleeping! I'm on a shelf!

Trevor: Does it look like I'm taking a nap?!

Trevor: If you need my hammer, it's in my ass. There's a door over there.

Morgan: - What? - Come on.

Trevor: We gotta move this.

Morgan: Jesus.

Trevor: Do you wanna help?!

Trevor: you want help?

Morgan: You look like you had it under control.

Trevor: I don't.

Trevor: Oh my god, what was that made of?

Morgan: Why the hell is there a door here?

Trevor: We're gonna find out.

Morgan: Okay.

Trevor: Do you want a flashlight?

Morgan: Yeah.

Morgan: You go.

Morgan: What do you think this is?

Trevor: I think it's a hallway.

Morgan: Come on.

Angela: Clearly.

Angela: This

Trevor: is...

Trevor: Sorry.

Morgan: Does this feel like we're going down?

Morgan: This might be like under the backyard.

Angela: Ew.

Trevor: A door.

Trevor: Holy smokes, man.

Trevor: What?

Trevor: Open it.

Trevor: No, I can't.

Trevor: There's a huge lock on it.

Trevor: Oh, wait a minute.

Trevor: Wait a minute.

Morgan: What, what, what, what?

Trevor: Oh, my God.

Trevor: I just found this key yesterday.

Morgan: What?

Morgan: Try it.

Trevor: No.

Morgan: Yes.

Trevor: OK.

Morgan: Oh, my God.

Trevor: - What?

Morgan: - No way, dude.

Morgan: - Okay.

Morgan: - Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Morgan: Okay, go.

Trevor: - Okay.

Trevor: - Ah!

Trevor: - Ah!

Trevor: - God!

Trevor: - Are you coming?

Trevor: - Yeah.

Trevor: Hey.

Morgan: What?

Morgan: Sorry.

Trevor: Don't say anything.

Trevor: Mum's the word.

Morgan: Mum's the word?

Morgan: What the fuck does that even mean?

Trevor: You know, like, don't say anything.

Trevor: It's like Bob's your uncle.

Morgan: What?

Morgan: How the fuck do you know Bob's my uncle?

Trevor: How would

Trevor: How would I know that you have an Uncle Bob?

Trevor: I don't even know your family.

Morgan: Okay. Well, I do. His name is Robert, actually, but Mom's the word.

Trevor: Bob's your uncle.

Morgan: Dude.

Morgan: This is amazing.

Morgan: I want this room.

Trevor: - That's probably a bad idea.

Morgan: - No, this must be where the old sorority

Morgan: held their meetings and pledge nights,

Morgan: fingering each other and shit.

Morgan: Ew.

Trevor: - Yeah, right before they sacrificed the virgins.

Morgan: - Look at that.

Morgan: - No, no, no, no.

Trevor: have bad feelings in here.

Trevor: Bad, bad, bad feelings.

Trevor: - Wait, can

Morgan: Oh my, will you stop being a baby?

Morgan: This is awesome. This must be the original pledge book.

Trevor: - I don't think so. - Yeah,

Morgan: I think it is.

Trevor: - No. - I'm

Morgan: 1

Trevor: - Okay.

Trevor: Okay, alright. Well, don't listen to me. I'm a big fat idiot.

Trevor: Wait for me.

Trevor: No, no, no. No, no.

Trevor: Try this.

Trevor: - Oh, yes.

Trevor: - Get out of here.

Trevor: Ugh, here.

Trevor: Ugh.

Trevor: Ugh.

Trevor: Ugh.

Morgan: - You all right?

Morgan: You look a little bit woozy.

Trevor: - Ugh.

Trevor: Ugh.

Trevor: Ugh.

Trevor: Ugh.

Trevor: Ugh.

Trevor: Ugh.

Trevor: What?

Trevor: That was like a white squall.

Trevor: Is this made of human

Trevor: flesh?

Morgan: - No, it's like cow or goat or something.

Morgan: Why would it be human?

Trevor: - Oh, I don't know, it's just a shot in the dark.

Trevor: Are you sure it's not human flesh?

Morgan: - Well, no, but no, no, no, I'm sure it's not human.

Amber: What is that?! Oh, hey Trevor

Morgan: - We found this in a secret room in the basement.

Trevor: - Mum's the word.

Morgan: - Bob's your uncle.

Trevor: - His name is Touchy.

Amber: - Wait, a secret room in the what?

Morgan: - Yeah, we have like a whole set of rooms under the house.

Amber: - We do?

Morgan: - Yeah, it's awesome.

Trevor: - Stop talking!

Amber: - So what is that?

Morgan: - I think it might be the original sorority pledge book.

Morgan: - I don't know, I'm not sure though. It might be something else entirely.

Jenny: I wanna take it to the school and look it up.

Amber: - If that is the original Omega Zeta pledge book, I want it now.

Trevor: - It's literally right here.

Trevor: We're not holding the hostage.

Amber: - Give it.

Amber: Give it!

Trevor: - It's right here.

Morgan: Yeah, literally just walk over here and look at it.

Amber: - No! Ugh! Give it to me. I'm taking it to my room to read.

Morgan: - UH What?

Morgan: First of all, it's like in Latin or something.

Morgan: And second of all, we need to examine it.

Morgan: - We should call Angela and tell her.

Angela: Tell me what.

Trevor: - Jesus!

Amber: - Angela, hi.

Morgan: We found this awesome book

Morgan: and we have like a whole set of rooms under the house.

Angela: - Thank you, Trevor.

Angela: - Well, this is very interesting,

Angela: but I think we should leave it here for now.

Angela: And Amber, if you wanna read it,

Angela: and I mean really read it, you should do it right here.

Amber: - No, no, I wanna take it to my room to read. It'll be fine.

Angela: - No, no, no, no, it's very old.

Angela: And it's getting late.

Angela: Trevor, whatever you're doing here to maintenance,

Angela: you can do tomorrow morning. You may leave now.

Trevor: - What, no, I'm, hey, no, I wanna, I'm also--

Angela: - The book will be here tomorrow.

Angela: Girls, clean up and do your homework.

Morgan: Really?

Morgan: Really.

Angela: Trevor.

Angela: Thank you so much for finding that book.

Angela: It'll finally help the girls understand their reasons for being here.

Trevor: How long do you think it was down there?

Angela: Too long.

Angela: It's time I set things right.

Trevor: Okay.

Maura: You have a boner.

Trevor: Who doesn't?

Trevor: Am I right? That was hot.

Trevor: *Sigh*

Trevor: - Reynolds, I'm writing you to inform you

Trevor: that we have failed.

Trevor: Some of us did not make it out,

Trevor: including Harvey and Heidi.

Trevor: I'm truly sorry.

Trevor: - Hence it came of courage and grace,

Trevor: for the magic they bestow is from an ancient place.

Trevor: - What?

Trevor: - They are not to be trifled with. They too are magic born.

Trevor: If it is evil you cast, that shall be your last.

Trevor: The of the name did not be harmed to the protectors of the cursed,

Trevor: for they have stopped many.

Trevor: What?

Trevor: They be named Harmony.

Trevor: Then I'm the stoned one... Okay, yep. You're right. You're right.

Trevor: I'm the stoner. I'm the loser.

Trevor: Thank you very much. Thank you.

Trevor: I'm dreaming.

Circey: What?

Circey: You have an erection again.

Trevor: It's a compliment.

Grace: Thanks.

Trevor: You're welcome.

Trevor: Hey guys, the floor is still wet.

Trevor: Okay, thank you.

Amber: Wow, this place is intense.

Angela: I like it this way.

Angela: Have you never seen my room before?

Speaker 5: No.

Speaker 5: I would have taken you for a blue kind of person.

Angela: What do you mean?

Speaker 5: Like your aura.

Speaker 5: I feel like you're blue.

Speaker 5: Like you seem blue.

Angela: Why blue, dear?

Speaker 5: I don't know.

Angela: Do you see everyone's auras?

Speaker 5: No, I don't think so. But I think Morgan's a lesbian.

Angela: That's not the same thing.

Speaker 5: Well, she has that vibe. Like, when I see her, her aura's like yellow. Like sunburst. Like I see a sunburst when I look at her.

Angela: That's very interesting.

Speaker 5: I know, right?

Speaker 5: Yeah.

Angela: - Well, do you believe in magic then?

Speaker 5: - Yes, yes, I believe we all have magic inside of us.

Speaker 5: Like we are one with the universe.

Speaker 5: Like we can talk to the earth.

Angela: And why do you feel this way?

Speaker 5: Because I have since I was a little girl.

Speaker 5: This one time my mom caught me talking to a ghost.

Speaker 5: I can like see things.

Angela: Ghost.

Angela: Looking

Speaker 5: Yeah, I know. It's stupid. I just thought I was meant for bigger things.

Angela: Maybe you are.

Speaker 5: Yeah, maybe.

Angela: I want to show you something.

Speaker 5: Okay. Wait, I don't know if I'm ready for this. No, no, go ahead.

Angela: This is called...

Angela: - The Book of Shadows - What?

Angela: What did you think was happening?

Speaker 5: Nothing.

Speaker 5: That's like a journal, right?

Angela: It is.

Speaker 5: Good job.

Speaker 5: I had one when I was a little girl.

Speaker 5: But my dad didn't like it, so he threw it out.

Angela: Men can be so destructive.

Speaker 5: Right?

Speaker 5: Do you like men?

Angela: Well, that's a hard question.

Angela: I've been with men before.

Angela: But I never want to get attached to one for too long.

Speaker 5: I was with two guys.

Angela: How was that?

Speaker 5: Well, I don't know. Clumsy.

Speaker 5: They thought they were amazing.

Angela: They always did.

Angela: In this book, I can show you great things,

Angela: but sacrifices will have to be made.

Speaker 5: - Nothing's free.

Angela: - That's very true.

Angela: How many pledges do we have tonight?

Angela: - All of one.

Angela: - That's all we need.

Angela: And then we can grow exponentially.

Angela: I'm gonna show you so much, Amber.

Angela: But I know it's gonna seem kind of weird.

Angela: But I feel that you're open to some suggestions.

Angela: - Hey, Char, where you going?

Trevor: - I was just leaving.

Trevor: - You better run, 'cause I'm about to fuck up some shizzit!

Trevor: - Shit!

Angela: - I will cut you like a fucking pig!

Trevor: - Ah!

Trevor: - Ah!

Trevor: - Stop!

Amber: - I do what she says and get the fuck out.

Angela: - Now let's have a little fun.

Jenny: Well, I guess we don't have any pledges.

Morgan: - That's normal.

Maura: - I can't believe our one pledge didn't show.

Morgan: - Is she acting weird to anybody else?

Circey: - Right?

Grace: - Yeah.

Grace: What is that?

Morgan: - Um, I think that's the original pledge book.

Angela: No pledges?

Angela: Okay, well, Jenny, you're up, sweetheart.

Angela: It's your lucky day.

Morgan: What's happening?

Angela: Come, girls. Let me show you what I've done for you.

Angela: Stop!

Angela: If I tell you to stop, I mean it.

Angela: The hazings go like this.

Angela: Jenny, start.

Angela: Strip her down to her underwear.

Jenny: What? No, no, no, no, no, I don't think I'm ready for that.

Angela: Come on, It'll be fun.

Jenny: Eh, define fun.

Angela: Huh?

Jenny: No.

Angela: Amber, make Jenny cooperate.

Jenny: Oh okay

Jenny: What?

Amber: You have no idea how much you like.

Jenny: Oh, uh...

Speaker 5: It's just hazing. It'll be fun.

Speaker 5: Don't worry. Nothing will happen.

Speaker 5: Wait, are you Menzies?

Jenny: What? No.

Angela: Good.

Jenny: Okay.

Angela: Let's go

Angela: do it.

Angela: Pants.

Jenny: I got it. Thank you. Thank you. I can do this part.

Angela: And get on the table.

Angela: It will all be over soon.

Angela: And you will be free as it does.

Angela: Yes, yes.

Angela: I'm sorry.

Jenny: Now!

Jenny: No.

Angela: Grace, hold her wrists tightly.

Angela: Grace!

Angela: I said hold her wrists tightly now.

Angela: It's Hazing! Fuck!

Circey: Are we not all getting naked?

Jenny: No, put your clothes on, dufus.

Angela: Cersei Maura, you hold her feet.

Angela: Amber, hold her down.

Jenny: What is that noise?

Jenny: Is that screaming coming from outside?

Angela: I don't hear anything.

Angela: Oh, my God.

Angela: But after tonight, we'll all be sisters.

Angela: And we will be more powerful than you could ever imagine.

Jenny: What is happening?

Angela: By way of the three and the power of three,

Angela: I unleash thee from your tomb!

Angela: Come forth, O Great One,

Angela: and give your power unto me!

Angela: Are you ready?

Amber: Yes.

Jenny: I'm not.

Jenny: What the fuck?

Jenny: What the shit are you guys doing?

Amber: Jenny, you'll all be dead soon enough.

Jenny: What? Did you just say?

Morgan: Okay.

Morgan: God, why is everyone getting naked?

Jenny: Cersei, put your fucking hands on!

Morgan: God, guys!

Morgan: It's getting a little nuts in here.

Angela: Girls! Follow suit.

Angela: Cersei first.

Jenny: - Ow. - Squeeze!

Jenny: Yeah, I'd like to get up now.

Jenny: Can someone please hand me my fucking clothes?

Grace: I'm not drinking that.

Grace: I was at a party once, only there was a bunch of dudes and...

Grace: Let's just say I'll never do that again.

Grace: Because now I have genital warts.

Maura: Gross! Ew, Grace.

Maura: Wait, you used to date my boyfriend.

Maura: What the fuck, Grace?

Maura: Ah!

Angela: Okay.

Angela: Good girl.

Angela: Good girl.

Angela: Ah!

Angela: Oh, man.

Angela: Oh.

Angela: Oh.

Angela: Oh.

Angela: Oh,

Jenny: my God.

Jenny: Is that a--

Jenny: Is that a human heart?

Jenny: Oh.

Jenny: Oh,

Angela: my God.

Angela: No, my dear. It's a lamb's heart.

Morgan: Oh, that's better.

Amber: - What?

Speaker 5: - What?

Jenny: - What?

Jenny: - Stop it!

Trevor: - What?

Jenny: - What the fuck?

Jenny: Shit is happening!

Angela: - Shut up!

Angela: Shut up!

Jenny: - Can someone please give me my fucking clothes?

Morgan: - Yeah.

Angela: I summon the sisters.

Angela: I summon the four sisters of destruction.

Angela: Come to us.

Angela: Use us and your children.

Angela: They will fulfill our destinies.

Jenny: Can I get up now?

Angela: I said, shut up.

Angela: And you will drink from the chalice, the blood.

Angela: Mm-mm.

Angela: So my sisters can enter this realm.

Jenny: Mm

Morgan: Oh, oh.

Jenny: What is happening?

Angela: *Screaming*

Witch: You dare summon us?

Angela: My queen!

Angela: I am your servant!

Angela: I summon for the sake of evil!

Witch: There are none other than us.

Angela: I have awaited your return!

Jenny: Well, we have returned.

Witch: I like this one.

Trevor: Okay, so my parents are dead.

Trevor: My grandpa's dead.

Trevor: I have no answer.

Trevor: There's a hidden room and some book wrapped in flesh.

Trevor: And everything's leading to one impossible answer.

Trevor: Demon Hunter.

Jenny: Where are our bodies?

Grace: What?

Jenny: Our bodies, our true forms.

Speaker 5: Jenny, it's me. It's Gra ce.

Speaker 5: Ah!

Circey: Ah!

Maura: Ah!

Morgan: Ah!

Jenny: Ah!

Music: *music*

Witch: What year is it?

Jenny: According to this one, it's 2020.

Jenny: About the right time to turn the world to shit.

Jenny: Won't have to do much work.

Circey: We have company.

Music: *Intensifying music*

Trevor: In case you haven't caught on by now, I'm the-

Circey: Hey, Trevi!

Circey: Where's your boner now? Huh? You dead? Alive?

Trevor: That hurt a lot!

Circey: Poor baby!

Circey: shh...It'll be over soon. Just like that.

Trevor: There's my boner right beside your head, biatch!

Trevor: What's wrong with your foreheads?

Amber: Trevor, you're always such a...

Amber: Loser! That's the word.

Amber: God, this girl's got all kinds of emotions going on up here. Like, crazy.

Trevor: Amber, what the hell?

Amber: Kill him now?

Jenny: This one has a soft hearrt for him. Leave him.

Jenny: He'll die tomorrow when we end the world.

Jenny: What did you say?

Jenny: Bye, Trevy.

Trevor: Morgan!

Trevor: Amber!

Trevor: Cersei!

Trevor: Jenny!

Trevor: Hey!

Trevor: What the hell?

Ken: Hey, you ladies lost.

Ken: You want a ride?

Witch: Amber.

Amber: Do you know where Rebook Cemetery is?

Ken: Well, babe, I'm Ken, and this is my dog Levi.

Ken: And what's going on with your forehead?

Ken: You wear like a hat too tight or something?

Speaker 5: Well, do you know?

Ken: Me? I..I don't know.

Levi: You mean Old Town?

Jenny: Bow to me.

Jenny: Do you know where the cemetery

Jenny: Do you know where the Cemetery is or do you not?

Levi: Yes! Yes! You crazy bitch! Yes!

Witch: Take us there.

Amber: Gross!

Reynold: It's about time, loser. This is your destiny. So don't fuck it up!

Trevor: and Bob's your uncle.

Trevor: I guess destiny does find a way.

Witch: Amber, perhaps one should not kill a victim

Witch: until the resources of said victim have been drained.

Amber: I know.

Amber: At first I was all like I wasn't going to,

Amber: but then I was, so I did.

Amber: I'll focus and try harder next time.

Witch: That's fine.

Amber: Levi, you really need to hold it together

Amber: and stop being such a little bitch

Levi: - Well, why can't I stop driving!

Witch: *laughs

Witch: Get out.

Levi: Please don't kill me.

Levi: Please, please, please don't kill me.

Witch: Levi.

Witch: What did Amber say?

Witch: Don't be such a bitch.

Levi: I can help you.

Witch: How?

Levi: I don't know.

Levi: and, um, bring you coffee or do your laundry or something.

Witch: Fine.

Jenny: Come, Servant.

Jenny: Where is the cemetery?

John: Right through there, but I said we're closed.

John: You gotta come back around 9:00 AM.

Jenny: Morgan?

John: *stuttering

Trevor: What are we doing?

Trevor: Well hello handsome.

Trevor: Harmony.

Witch: Welcome home.

Trevor: Not so fast, ladies!

Witch: Attack!

Trevor: Fuck!

Amber: Stronger than a trashcan.

Amber: Noted

Trevor: Jenny!

Trevor: Get. off. me!

Trevor: I don't want to have to kill you girls!

Trevor: Okay.

Amber: - Can we kill him now?

Jenny: - Just can't yet.

Jenny: So adorable.

Jenny: Wow, this girl is like really liking this guy.

Jenny: Come on.

Circey: Is he gonna be okay?

Jenny: He's not alive. Technically.

Trevor: Ow!

Trevor: Ladies, seriously, Morgan, I don't want to have to kill you girls.

Trevor: Didn't hurt.

Trevor: Well this isn't where I saw this going.

Trevor: Seriously, guys!

Witch: - No! - No!

Jenny: - You are resilient.

Trevor: You're welcome. Cunt punch!

Witch: Hey Janitor.

Trevor: That was intense.

Trevor: Want to help kill some demons?

Trevor: What the fuck?

Statue: Offering...Accepted!

Statue: Trevor harmony has summoned me to destroy evil.

Statue: Lead me to the evil.

Trevor: - Yeah, all right, cool. Come on.

Witch: - Three by three, bring thy souls unto thee.

Witch: From hence we can, shall we return.

Witch: bring back the darkness to watch the world burn.

Amber: This tastes like pure shit!

Amber: When do we stop fucking puking!

Trevor: Yeah, why not?

Trevor: Witches? Walking statues? Sure.

Trevor: Ah, shit! I thought we killed you!

Statue: Die, demon!

Statue: I would like to banquish you!

Statue: Banquish! Banquishing!

Statue: Banquish!

Trevor: Okay. Fair enough.

Trevor: Oh Yeah, take those bodies back, you idiots.

Statue: Time to kill the witches, Harmony!

Statue: Witches!

Trevor: Yes, kill the witches, but don't kill the girls.

Trevor: Don't kill the bodies the witches are in.

Statue: The Harmony is confusing.

Trevor: Why are you stonewalling me? You're like talking to a w-

Statue: Stop! Your lips are buttery and full of lies.

Statue: Enough! I am made to kill witches, you fat Harmony.

Statue: I will squash them like bugs! Hello evil bug!

Witch: Now you will see the execution of the world!

Statue: Harmony, one has escaped!

Statue: Rrrr, let go of me, you tentacle witch!

Statue: Rrrr, let go!

Statue: Rrrr, I shall destroy you!

Witch: I will take great pleasure in killing you.

Trevor: Ah, get in line

Angela: You'll pay for that.

Trevor: Cersei! Get out of here!

Witch: You must succumb to death, quietly

Trevor: How do you like it? Weed killer!

Trevor: Ah!

Trevor: Fuck you, Treebeard!

Trevor: I'm fucking Frodo!

Trevor: Statue man!

Statue: Freedom!

Trevor: Save Morgan and the girls. I'll fight these witches.

Statue: As you wish, soft compatriot!

Morgan: What the fuck are you?

Jenny: Your death.

Statue: Air Witch, prepare for DEATH!

Statue: There is no match for stone!

Statue: You are weak, Witch!

Statue: Witch!

Statue: You

Morgan: What the fuck are you?

Statue: Have no fear, for Trevor Harmony has sent me here to protect you.

Morgan: Okay. You've got a name?

Statue: I am nameless from the darkness.

Morgan: Okay. I'm Morgan. You're Slater.

Morgan: Ow, fuck!

Statue: Be careful!

Amber: We're in a fucking cemetery?!

Circey: Where's Morgan?

Amber: Cersei! You're alive!

Circey: What the hell?

Jenny: You guys, what's going on?

Jenny: I have a fucking headache.

Jenny: She chewed my brain like Hubba Bubba!

Amber: Um... What do we do?

Jenny: -Where's Morgan?

Amber: We have to do something.

Amber: I feel like this is all my fault.

Jenny: I mean, it's not entirely your fault.

Jenny: How are you supposed to know that Angela was a witch?

Speaker 5: Well... She told me.

Speaker 5: I thought she was kidding. I thought she meant she was a lesbian...

Amber: Like me.

Circey: Finally.

Circey: How long were you gonna deny that?

Jenny: okay okay guys. We have to do something.

Jenny: My soul hurts. Does that make sense?

Witch: And is anyone gonna talk about the fact that Trevor was fighting a tree back there?

Circey: It's been a long night.

Trevor: Ah! Fucking Jesus! Ah!

Trevor: Ah! Fuck! Ah you need a breath bit!

Morgan: Hey.

Amber: Where'd you get a gun?

Morgan: Dead Levi.

Amber: What the fuck is that?

Morgan: No, no, he's cool. He's cool. This is Slater.

Morgan: Slater, this is, um, Jenny, Amber, and Cersei.

Statue: It is my pleasure, ladies.

Circey: Do you have genitalia?

Jenny: Cersei, what? that's a personal question.

Jenny: But, I mean, do you?

Statue: I am a blood oath activated automaton.

Statue: I am here to defend the Harmony.

Statue: In his time of need, he has sent me to protect you.

Amber: So that's a talking statue?

Morgan: I don't know. I'm...

Amber: - Where's Trevor?

Jenny: - Holy shit!

Statue: - The soft one approaching!

Trevor: - I'm fine.

Morgan: - Trevor, what the hell is going on?

Jenny: - Are we dead?

Jenny: - Where are we?

Jenny: - Where did he come from?

Jenny: h-how does he work?! Where those witches?

Circey: - Does hell exist?

Circey: - Oh my God, are vampires real?

Amber: - Yes, what is real?

Jenny: - Is heaven real?

Circey: Does anyone's mouth taste mouth taste like hobo semen?

Jenny: Yeah.

Amber: Yeah.

Statue: Evil has returned!

Trevor: My name is Trevor Harmony.

Trevor: I'm the last of my bloodline.

Trevor: For over 200 years, my family has fought evil.

Trevor: I vow from this day forward to rid the world of you.

Trevor: You ain't bringing back the darkness.

Trevor: You ain't bringing back shit.

Trevor: I'm gonna hunt each and every one of you evil motherfuckers down on this planet and extinguish you.

Jenny: Yeah, bitch!

Witch: Are you done?

Trevor: Yeah.

Jenny: Hey!

Morgan: I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!

Jenny: Ow!

Statue: Bring on the day! I love to fight!

Statue: I'll kill you!

Statue: I'll kill you!

Statue: Squish!

Trevor: Fuck you, dickfingers!

Amber: I was a cheer captain for six years.

Statue: Air Witch, we meet again!

Statue: Your weak wind will never defeat me, Air Witch!

Witch: Cut his head off! My pleasure!

Trevor: Fuck you!

Circey: Amber, that was awesome.

Amber: I'm really discovering myself today.

Morgan: You, you, I think I have the hots for the statue.

Circey: Talk about rock hard.

Witch: Cut his head off!

Jenny: Okay, we should go, we should go, go.

Statue: Catch!

Statue: Oh, yes, Harmony

Statue: Smash her with my instruments!

Statue: Smash the evil!

Statue: Smash her!

Witch: Behold! I am the bringer of death!

Trevor: Oh, shut up!

Trevor: You girls okay?

Morgan: No.

Statue: I'm afraid it is time for me to return to the darkness, round one.

Morgan: Wait, really?

Statue: Ladies, it was my pleasure.

Statue: Call me again should you idiots cause the apocalypse.

Jenny: Okay, so now what?

Trevor: Well, now that you're all caught up.

Music: *Rewinding*

Trevor: Suck on this!