Original subtitles

So nice to have this little escape.

Just me and you, away from the world.

Mmm.

I know it's under awful circumstances, weird circumstances.

It just so happens that me and you are going for a break at the same time.

Nice to spend time with you, though.

So... Okay.

You do know I'm not going to know any of the answers to any of these questions.

Can I share them out?

Are you stupid?

It'll be me.

My boyfriend's lover.

That'll do.

I have absolutely no idea.

Which Eastender was given 28 days to steal the Christmas club money?

Yep.

Which beef dish is named after an Italian composer?

Yep.

Where are you from if your vehicle's international registration plate reads

EP?

Which racetrack is half in Suffolk and half in Cambridgeshire?

Whose rescue from the gunpowder plot is celebrated each November the 5th?

Yep. Whose widow made the news in the 70s by serving beefsteak benito and

shirt spaghetti in her cafe?

How do you know that?

I don't want to play this anymore. I'm just going to ask you questions to see.

Clever clogs.

What is TV's Brookside?

A street, a close, a crescent or an avenue?

Yep. What few words of advice appear under the label on a Guinness can?

Hmm.

Yep.

What was the name of Commander Karateka Potts' car?

Yeah, I knew that too.

Haven't seen that in ages.

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, we

love you.

What is the race course bookmaker's sign language called? Ha, you're not going

to know that one.

Are you reading the answers?

Which European country's inhabitants used most soap per head in 1985 and

You must have guessed that.

Yes, right.

Last one.

I'm going to throw myself out the window.

What design was on the back of a common market entry 50p piece?

Yes.

Oh, my boy.

I'm so proud of you.

I am.

No, I am.

You're just so clever.

I've done something right.

I can't even get back in the box.

Oh, come on. Time to drink.

Did you want to talk about it?

Well, Ellie.

Did you want to talk about your breakup with Ellie?

No,

I do not want to talk about my breakup with the bastard.

It's just babe.

I've been with him three and a half years.

And he's a bastard.

Well, he doesn't understand me, I'll say.

No.

You don't want to talk about Ellie, I don't want to talk about the fucking

bastard.

I'm glad we could do this though.

There's always a reason for everything.

This is the reason that we both got shat on.

Nice that they have a piano here.

I haven't played in years.

I'm surprised if I remember anything.

You're not gonna phone Ellie?

I know it's a touchy subject, but you're really not going to tell me why you two

broke up.

I thought you'd be together forever.

Well, there is a bit of signal.

You walk about half a mile that way to the end of the track.

You just about get one bar.

Go and ring her.

I'm fine here.

Go on.

Don't you want to let her know you're here with me?

She might worry about you.

Oh.

I didn't realise it was that bad. Sorry.

No.

No.

No. I can't play anymore.

Any?

I think you might remember one.

No,

hang on.

I wasn't quite right either.

Not at all.

God, I've got to try and keep it together.

He ever found out.

He'd never speak to me again.

Why can't I tell it?

Why

can't

I tell it?

I'm stupid.

Try and see a game of table tennis.

Come here.

Ready?

Oh my god, how bad is this?

You missed that.

You ready?

Sorry.

Sorry.

Okay. Oh, Jesus Christ.

This is not going for me. Do you want to start?

Well, you can start.

Fine.

Why do you think I want that?

Oh, come on!

I don't know what you're doing.

Dad?

Oh, Christ.

When was the last time this was played?

You wanna play darts?

Teach me then.

Teach me how to throw a dart, go on.

You don't know how to play darts either, do you?

Give it a go.

Ready?

Okay.

Yeah, you're gonna have to help me.

Just a little bit.

Right. Yeah, alright, higher.

Stop it.

I'm finding too close.

Mother?

I don't even know.

Let's not play darts or table tennis.

Let's go and have a drink instead.

Because I'm thirsty.

And yes, I mean alcohol.

You need to forget about all the shit.

I really do hate darts.

Well, go on then.

You throw one.

Thought not.

It's unbelievable, isn't it?

You and me going through a breakup at the same time.

We're connected, you know? You and me.

You're not just my son, you're my best friend.

And I love you more than the whole world.

These are yummy, aren't they?

Any more of this and I'll be anybody's.

And then very quickly I'll become nobody's.

You know, um... You told me that she left you.

I wasn't going to say anything about the bastard leaving me,

but I thought if I did tell you then

you'll feel alone.

You know, like we're going through the same thing at the same time.

Breakups are shitty.

It's my fifth one in my life.

Including your dad.

That was the worst.

The worst.

You know.

I'm sorry you didn't get to know much about him.

You can ask me anything about him you want and I'll tell you.

Very drunk My

boy

I'm gonna jump in the bath, I think.

Yeah.

Yeah, it was a good game of guess who.

I've got to figure out what's next. I need to go in.

I've got no clue.

I think something's in the box.

That'll get me to buy from the charity shop.

Again.

It's alright holding it, isn't it?

You're better than me anyway.

The way you want to be around.

Look, I'm going to jump in the bath like I said.

I'm staring at Mummy.

Oh, I know, baby, I know.

I know, it's just the drink. It's silly.

You've got... Yeah, I'm going to jump in the bath.

You want to, um...

You have got your

own room, you know.

Yeah.

Might be better if we didn't share the same bed.

That's me too drunk too.

can't be

I'm not making it up.

I saw the way you looked at me.

You looked at me like you wanted me.

Like I wasn't his mother.

Look at my own son.

He's such a disgusting, divided,

depraved, twisted fantasies.

It's not right.

Yeah.

I don't care.

Well, I never got any of them anyway.

Because there's no signal here.

I had to walk like half a mile down a dirt track just to get a little bit.

You wouldn't dare.

This is exactly why I broke up with you.

You haven't.

You better not have texted him.

What?

You're lying.

Well, he won't get the text anyway because, like I said, there's no signal.

I'll make sure he doesn't.

Where are you going?

To ring Ellie?

Oh.

I thought you weren't, um... I thought you weren't going to ring her.

You don't want to be walking all that way.

I was just about to make some tea.

Please stay here.

Please.

What's your phone?

Pass it a minute.

Just pass me your phone for a minute.

Nothing.

No, no.

Please stay.

I didn't plan on telling you like this.

In fact, I didn't plan on telling you at all, but the bastard left me no choice.

Well... Baby, listen.

Do you know, um... We broke up.

We broke up the day you told me you broke up with Ellie.

And, uh... I may have had a few too

many.

And told the bastard.

He's not a bastard. I am.

I may have told him something.

that I said no.

And they had told him that I feel something that I shouldn't feel.

And now he texts you and if you walk up

there far enough then that text will come through to your phone and you'll

and I don't want him to have told you before I get the chance to explain

You're going to hate me.

I told him that I think I have

feelings for someone else.

You're quick.

No, I know.

Okay.

Don't freak out, please.

Please don't freak out.

I know.

But I can't help it.

I just had to tell him when I heard that you broke up with Ellie, then I just, I

don't know, that maybe we've been together for so long.

I thought maybe a few things in the back of my head that that was my chance to

help you.

That's not even a normal coincidence.

You're taking the piss.

You broke up with Ellie because... What did you find exactly?

Of me?

Oh, Jesus Christ.

You can't even make that shit up.

I told him and you told Ellie.

That you felt... Did you know?

I mean, did you know how I felt about you?

I'm shaking, literally.

So

we're

both... I'm hot.

I need a drink. Jesus.

See ya.

Of course you love me. You're my son. I mean... I mean, do you... Is it... Is it

serious?

How didn't I see that? I'm not blind.

How long?

How long? I felt like it.

I've got to... I've got to change. I've got to put the t -shirt on.

Cool down a bit.

I think you should, um... Have you been drinking?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

You're not making any sense.

I'm going to go and change and open a can or a bottle or... I'll be in the

living room.

Now, I don't think you wanted anything to do with me after earlier.

Having a drink with myself.

I'm not in the mood for games.

Seriously, honey.

You need to say that just to make me feel better.

About my breakup.

And why.

You don't mean it.

Thought I brought you up better than that.

Than to play mind games.

You don't.

No,

you don't.

You did not.

Right, so let's say you did.

Ellie left you because you told her that what exactly?

I want to know exactly what you said to her.

You're not lying, are you?

So what?

We can't sleep together.

I mean... However I feel about you and however you apparently feel about me...

It's not right. Doesn't it feel real?

What are the chances?

Whatever we do right now, we can't take it home with us.

It stays here.

In private, forever, okay?

We don't talk about it.

We just... Just enjoy whatever...

This is the pain.

Can't commit incest, can we?

But I want it.

I want it bad enough that I told the body to do all about it.

And you must want it enough that you told Ellie.

You told Ellie that you want your mom.

That you have unhealthy fantasies about her.

Are you sure?

Sorry.

I'm just a bit drunk, so...

Maybe once we do this, there's no going back.

look at you right now. I'm so embarrassed.

Yeah.

Why not?

It didn't feel right. It felt wrong. Really wrong.

Right? No, wrong.

Not right. I mean, it felt wrong, right?

And we've got to go home today.

I don't want to.

I don't want to stare around.

I sobered up in the night and I just... I looked at you and...

Wow. What are we doing?

What did we do?

I'm your hero.

I'm silly.

You're mine.

You're my hero.

My soldier.

I love you so much I know I said we wouldn't

My son.

God, I'm sorry, mommy.

No.

I'm completely naked.

Thank you.

Stretch in the morning.

Oh.

Finish your mommy.

Finish your side, mommy.

Finish your side with me.

We can stay another week.

We can stay another seven nights. Right here.

In the privacy of each other.

No one to bother us.

No one to walk in on us.

No one to know that we're mother and son.

I'm gonna keep fucking you.

Fucking you.

I don't want to go home.

I want to leave here and go somewhere else, and then somewhere else after

and somewhere else after that.

I don't care if I never see my house again, you understand?

If you're serious about what you said to Ellie and me, then we could.

What is stopping us? You tell me exactly what's stopping us.

I enjoy doing everything with you.

Playing board games, card games,

cutting up on the sofa watching movies together.

Fucking in the mornings.

Fucking in the night.

Fucking during the day.

All of it is possible.

You just keep running.

It doesn't have to end here.

Okay?

Tell me you want it to.

Tell me that's what you want it to.

What?

Make me a legend?

Is that what you guys say?

Legendary?

I'm just talking to you.

I love you.

Fine.

I'm your legendary mummy.