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1
00:00:02,545 --> 00:00:04,339
Anybody see Kate?
2
00:00:04,422 --> 00:00:05,507
Nah, man, I guess
she'd rather be
3
00:00:05,590 --> 00:00:08,134
with some guy she
fell in love with than us.
4
00:00:08,218 --> 00:00:09,719
Yeah. Looks like we'll have
to wait out the two weeks
5
00:00:09,802 --> 00:00:12,847
of euphoria and
sexual exploration.
6
00:00:12,931 --> 00:00:15,475
Two weeks!?
7
00:00:15,558 --> 00:00:17,018
That's why I never fall in love,
8
00:00:17,101 --> 00:00:18,603
'cause then it would
be just the two of you guys
9
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:19,938
sitting by
yourselves at the bar,
10
00:00:20,021 --> 00:00:22,857
crying in your beer,
wishing you were...
11
00:00:22,941 --> 00:00:25,193
[sobbing]
I'd kill the both of you
right now for a woman.
12
00:00:25,276 --> 00:00:26,611
Oh!
13
00:00:26,694 --> 00:00:27,904
Now, it's not that easy, Drew.
14
00:00:27,987 --> 00:00:29,822
You'd have to kill
all the men on Earth.
15
00:00:29,906 --> 00:00:33,117
You know what's weird,
with, uh, with Kate gone,
16
00:00:33,201 --> 00:00:35,620
women have stopped
coming by the table to chat.
17
00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:37,038
Let's face it. We need Kate.
18
00:00:37,121 --> 00:00:38,706
Everything I know about
women, I learned from Kate.
19
00:00:38,790 --> 00:00:40,083
Yeah. I mean, like, who knew
20
00:00:40,166 --> 00:00:41,626
that a tight dress
and spiked heels
21
00:00:41,709 --> 00:00:43,086
made a woman look cheap?
22
00:00:43,169 --> 00:00:44,671
- Not me.
- Unh-unh.
23
00:00:44,754 --> 00:00:46,005
You know, she was
a really good listener.
24
00:00:46,089 --> 00:00:47,715
You could talk about personal
stuff and really open up to her.
25
00:00:47,799 --> 00:00:49,133
Drew, you can talk to us
26
00:00:49,217 --> 00:00:51,219
about anything. We'll listen.
27
00:00:51,302 --> 00:00:54,055
Well, I walked by my
parents' old room the other day,
28
00:00:54,138 --> 00:00:57,392
and I was thinking, you know, I
really miss having my mom nearby.
29
00:00:58,685 --> 00:01:01,312
Could that be
because you're a girl?
30
00:01:01,396 --> 00:01:02,855
[laughs]
Girlie! Boo hoo hoo.
31
00:01:02,939 --> 00:01:05,358
Mommy, I miss you!
32
00:01:05,441 --> 00:01:06,651
See, if Kate were here,
33
00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:08,987
we wouldn't have done that.
34
00:01:09,070 --> 00:01:10,405
Excuse me. Are you
using your ketchup?
35
00:01:10,488 --> 00:01:11,406
No, here.
36
00:01:11,489 --> 00:01:13,116
Thanks.
37
00:01:13,199 --> 00:01:15,702
Wow. Hats off to you, pal,
eating red meat after midnight?
38
00:01:15,785 --> 00:01:18,246
Makes me proud
to be an American.
39
00:01:18,329 --> 00:01:21,583
Yeah, well if I don't have, like, 4,000
calories a day, I drop weight like that.
40
00:01:21,666 --> 00:01:23,251
If I don't get 4,000
calories by breakfast,
41
00:01:23,334 --> 00:01:25,503
I'd have to have a snickers
bar on the way to the car.
42
00:01:27,046 --> 00:01:28,715
It's just a joke, man.
43
00:01:28,798 --> 00:01:29,841
You're Drew Carey.
44
00:01:29,924 --> 00:01:32,176
Maybe he is and maybe he isn't.
45
00:01:32,260 --> 00:01:34,429
You don't have to
answer that, Drew.
46
00:01:34,512 --> 00:01:37,098
You know, the smaller glasses
almost threw me, but other than that,
47
00:01:37,181 --> 00:01:38,766
you haven't changed
since junior high!
48
00:01:38,850 --> 00:01:42,687
Well, the glasses are the same
size, my head just got bigger.
49
00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:45,023
That's because you
grew your hair out.
50
00:01:45,106 --> 00:01:47,483
Drew, ya hippie,
it's me, Jay Clemens!
51
00:01:47,567 --> 00:01:48,401
Jay?
52
00:01:48,484 --> 00:01:50,820
Oh, my God. How are you doing?
53
00:01:50,903 --> 00:01:52,113
[laughing]
54
00:01:52,196 --> 00:01:53,531
Oh, you were such
a good-looking kid.
55
00:01:53,615 --> 00:01:55,450
What happened?
56
00:01:55,533 --> 00:01:58,536
Yeah. Same old story.
Booze, women, grease fire.
57
00:01:58,620 --> 00:01:59,537
So how you been?
58
00:01:59,621 --> 00:02:00,622
Great.
59
00:02:00,705 --> 00:02:02,498
You remember Oswald and Lewis.
60
00:02:02,582 --> 00:02:04,208
This is so wild.
61
00:02:04,292 --> 00:02:05,627
You put desks in front of you
62
00:02:05,710 --> 00:02:06,961
and books in front
of those beers,
63
00:02:07,045 --> 00:02:08,796
we're back in detention.
64
00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:10,548
Pull up a chair.
65
00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:11,633
Yeah, come on.
66
00:02:13,217 --> 00:02:15,053
So, Jay, what brings you back
67
00:02:15,136 --> 00:02:16,387
to our little corner
of paradise?
68
00:02:16,471 --> 00:02:17,639
Uh, I just got a divorce
69
00:02:17,722 --> 00:02:19,182
after three glorious
years of marriage.
70
00:02:19,265 --> 00:02:20,391
I'm sorry.
71
00:02:20,475 --> 00:02:21,684
It's okay. They were spread out
72
00:02:21,768 --> 00:02:22,935
over 15 years of hell.
73
00:02:24,896 --> 00:02:26,773
Hey, didn't you
marry Lisa Janusch?
74
00:02:26,856 --> 00:02:28,858
Oh, the prom king and
queen getting married.
75
00:02:28,941 --> 00:02:31,361
You never see something
like that coming, do you?
76
00:02:31,444 --> 00:02:33,237
You know, if a few more people
had voted for Mary Deutsch,
77
00:02:33,321 --> 00:02:34,656
I might not be
sitting here today.
78
00:02:34,739 --> 00:02:35,657
I'd be with Mary Deutsch
79
00:02:35,740 --> 00:02:37,950
and her lesbian
lover in Portland.
80
00:02:39,327 --> 00:02:41,454
Hey, she's got the
same haircut as you.
81
00:02:41,537 --> 00:02:42,914
[all laughing]
82
00:02:44,624 --> 00:02:46,959
So you still working at
your dad's bowling alley?
83
00:02:47,043 --> 00:02:50,672
No. I own a small moving
company, AAA Action Moving.
84
00:02:50,755 --> 00:02:51,839
It used to be a lot bigger,
85
00:02:51,923 --> 00:02:54,175
but my wife got half
the trucks in the divorce.
86
00:02:54,258 --> 00:02:55,802
See, now I have to compete with
87
00:02:55,885 --> 00:02:58,680
AAAA Action Moving.
88
00:02:58,763 --> 00:03:00,556
So, you're going to
start datin' again, huh?
89
00:03:00,640 --> 00:03:02,058
Well, I hate to be the
one to break this to you,
90
00:03:02,141 --> 00:03:05,311
but, uh, success and good
looks went out in the 80's.
91
00:03:05,395 --> 00:03:08,231
Yeah. This is our time now.
92
00:03:09,399 --> 00:03:11,567
Hi. Would you like to dance?
93
00:03:11,651 --> 00:03:12,902
Hi. Maybe later.
94
00:03:12,985 --> 00:03:14,237
I'm just, uh, catching up
95
00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:15,405
with some old buddies of mine
96
00:03:15,488 --> 00:03:17,740
who I haven't seen
since junior high.
97
00:03:17,824 --> 00:03:20,535
Oh. Sorry, I didn't notice.
98
00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:22,720
[sighs]
99
00:03:22,745 --> 00:03:23,913
Boy, don't you hate it
100
00:03:23,996 --> 00:03:25,248
how when you're just trying
to hang out with the guys,
101
00:03:25,331 --> 00:03:26,666
women just never give
you a moment of peace?
102
00:03:26,749 --> 00:03:29,585
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, yeah.
103
00:03:29,669 --> 00:03:30,770
[theme music]
104
00:03:30,795 --> 00:03:34,757
♪ Moon over Parma, bring
my love to me tonight ♪
105
00:03:34,841 --> 00:03:38,886
♪ Guide her to Cleveland
underneath your silvery light ♪
106
00:03:38,970 --> 00:03:40,888
♪ We're goin' bowlin' ♪
107
00:03:40,972 --> 00:03:42,557
♪ So don't lose her in Solon ♪
108
00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:45,643
♪ Moon over Parma tonight ♪
109
00:03:49,647 --> 00:03:51,675
[instrumental music]
110
00:03:52,859 --> 00:03:57,488
Five, six. Not another
kid. That's eight!
111
00:03:57,572 --> 00:03:58,948
The guy never leaves his car.
112
00:03:59,031 --> 00:04:02,160
How the hell's he do it?
113
00:04:02,243 --> 00:04:03,578
When you went to
the bathroom, Drew,
114
00:04:03,661 --> 00:04:06,372
I saw him go in the drive-in.
115
00:04:06,456 --> 00:04:09,083
You know the rules, Another
kid, another sugar stick.
116
00:04:09,167 --> 00:04:10,501
Yeah.
117
00:04:12,164 --> 00:04:13,792
[sighs]
118
00:04:13,838 --> 00:04:16,007
- Go.
- Go.
119
00:04:16,090 --> 00:04:18,468
[all]
Go, go, go, go...
120
00:04:18,551 --> 00:04:20,595
[all]
Go, go, go, go...
Go, go, go...
121
00:04:20,678 --> 00:04:24,557
[all]
Go, go, go...
122
00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:26,267
Whoo!
123
00:04:26,350 --> 00:04:29,604
Ohh! This was so much
fun when we were kids.
124
00:04:29,687 --> 00:04:32,315
Hi, everybody. I'm back
and I'm better than ever.
125
00:04:32,398 --> 00:04:33,608
[together]
Hey!
126
00:04:33,691 --> 00:04:35,943
Hey, Kate. Beer's in the fridge.
127
00:04:36,027 --> 00:04:37,487
Alright! Payday!
128
00:04:37,570 --> 00:04:39,906
Obviously these slobs are
never gonna introduce me.
129
00:04:39,989 --> 00:04:41,282
I'm Jay.
130
00:04:41,365 --> 00:04:43,618
Oh, gee, I'm sorry,
Kate. It's Jay Clemens,
131
00:04:43,701 --> 00:04:44,702
you know, from junior high!
132
00:04:44,786 --> 00:04:46,704
No way! Jay Clemens?
133
00:04:46,788 --> 00:04:48,539
I gave you a concussion
playing dodge ball!
134
00:04:48,623 --> 00:04:52,084
Yeah, I remember!
Well I-I kind of remember.
135
00:04:52,168 --> 00:04:54,837
No, seriously. Kate O'Brien,
136
00:04:54,921 --> 00:04:56,547
captain of the girls'
basketball team?
137
00:04:56,631 --> 00:04:58,090
"Sexy legs O'Brien"?
138
00:04:58,174 --> 00:04:59,217
Mmm, nope.
139
00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:00,802
President of the Spanish club?
140
00:05:00,885 --> 00:05:02,553
Hola.
141
00:05:02,637 --> 00:05:03,554
Boy, it's-it's not coming to me.
142
00:05:03,638 --> 00:05:05,181
Kate O'Brien? I killed
143
00:05:05,264 --> 00:05:06,140
the principal, put his head on
144
00:05:06,224 --> 00:05:07,683
a stick, and ran down
the hall screaming,
145
00:05:07,767 --> 00:05:10,436
"you'll never forget me
for this" Kate O'Brien?
146
00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:12,230
I thought that was Sally Thomas.
147
00:05:13,689 --> 00:05:15,817
You guys are playing Life.
148
00:05:15,900 --> 00:05:17,443
How come you didn't call
me? You always call me.
149
00:05:17,527 --> 00:05:19,487
Well, you know, Jay
said he'd be glad to fill in.
150
00:05:19,570 --> 00:05:21,239
We figured you
were out with Ken.
151
00:05:21,322 --> 00:05:23,658
Oh, yeah. Ken and I broke up.
152
00:05:23,741 --> 00:05:24,700
Aww.
153
00:05:24,784 --> 00:05:26,327
He had to leave
town 'cause of his job.
154
00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:29,330
That's the last thing you'd
expect from a carnival worker.
155
00:05:29,413 --> 00:05:33,501
I'm-I'm sorry, Kate. Oh, man!
156
00:05:33,584 --> 00:05:36,921
He was going to let me
pet Dog Boy for my birthday.
157
00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:38,089
Are you okay?
158
00:05:38,172 --> 00:05:40,132
Yeah, I guess. I'm
gonna miss him.
159
00:05:40,216 --> 00:05:43,427
Ken was special. He wasn't
like other carnival workers.
160
00:05:43,511 --> 00:05:45,096
He was a, he was a dreamer.
161
00:05:45,179 --> 00:05:47,765
He had wanderlust.
162
00:05:47,849 --> 00:05:49,517
Is she talking
about Walt Whitman
163
00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:51,644
or the guy who
runs the scrambler?
164
00:05:51,727 --> 00:05:53,521
Excuse me?
165
00:05:53,604 --> 00:05:55,606
Uh, take a tip from
somebody who knows.
166
00:05:55,690 --> 00:05:57,066
It's best not to dwell
on these things.
167
00:05:57,149 --> 00:05:59,984
Oh, pardon me, new guy,
168
00:06:00,051 --> 00:06:02,565
um, but I'm hardly dwelling.
169
00:06:02,655 --> 00:06:04,365
We broke up 10 minutes ago.
170
00:06:04,448 --> 00:06:05,950
All I'm saying is
that your relationship
171
00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:07,451
obviously wasn't meant to be.
172
00:06:07,535 --> 00:06:09,203
So maybe you should
just put it behind you.
173
00:06:09,287 --> 00:06:11,205
You barely know me. You--
174
00:06:11,289 --> 00:06:13,207
You know, I'm fine. Forget it.
175
00:06:13,291 --> 00:06:15,126
I'll just watch you guys play.
176
00:06:15,209 --> 00:06:17,211
"Win Nobel Prize"?
177
00:06:17,295 --> 00:06:18,629
How the hell does a travel agent
178
00:06:18,713 --> 00:06:20,214
win the nobel prize?
179
00:06:21,966 --> 00:06:25,136
Uh, hey, you're using
180
00:06:25,219 --> 00:06:27,763
the blue car. That's
usually my car.
181
00:06:27,847 --> 00:06:29,432
Do you want to play?
We're all out of cars,
182
00:06:29,515 --> 00:06:31,621
but you can use one of
Drew's emergency Milk Duds.
183
00:06:31,668 --> 00:06:35,605
Oh, no, no. That's
okay. I-I'll just watch.
184
00:06:35,688 --> 00:06:38,065
Now that I've been watching,
185
00:06:38,149 --> 00:06:39,191
I've noticed something, too.
186
00:06:39,275 --> 00:06:41,736
You're sitting in my chair.
187
00:06:41,819 --> 00:06:44,447
I'm sorry. Did you
want to sit here?
188
00:06:44,530 --> 00:06:46,407
No, no. You're fine.
189
00:06:46,490 --> 00:06:49,134
You know, it's nice to get
a different point of view.
190
00:06:49,374 --> 00:06:50,727
[clears throat]
191
00:06:52,246 --> 00:06:54,749
Wh... what are you wearing?
192
00:06:54,832 --> 00:06:57,043
Are those, are those
my puppy slippers?
193
00:06:57,126 --> 00:06:59,003
These are yours?
194
00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:01,422
Wow, I thought I had big feet!
195
00:07:07,136 --> 00:07:09,096
You know, I leave those here
196
00:07:09,180 --> 00:07:11,682
for the times my
feet get cold and wet.
197
00:07:11,766 --> 00:07:13,267
I'm sorry, Kate.
It was my fault.
198
00:07:13,351 --> 00:07:14,477
He accidentally
stepped in that puddle
199
00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:16,437
you always accidentally step in.
200
00:07:18,648 --> 00:07:20,024
My puddle?
201
00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:22,360
[clears throat]
Excuse me. I got to
go to the bathroom.
202
00:07:22,443 --> 00:07:24,487
You don't have a special toilet
203
00:07:24,570 --> 00:07:26,113
you call your own, do you?
204
00:07:26,197 --> 00:07:28,491
Good-looking and funny.
205
00:07:28,574 --> 00:07:31,535
You don't often see that.
206
00:07:33,245 --> 00:07:34,163
Want a beer, Kate?
207
00:07:34,246 --> 00:07:35,957
No, thanks. I'm not thirsty.
208
00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:39,502
Just thought you might
want to Mark your territory.
209
00:07:41,412 --> 00:07:44,212
[instrumental music]
210
00:07:45,883 --> 00:07:48,010
I wasn't doing anything, Chuck.
211
00:07:48,094 --> 00:07:49,887
Will you drop it?
212
00:07:49,971 --> 00:07:52,807
Listen. You were acting very
suspicious in here, and I th--
213
00:07:52,890 --> 00:07:54,308
Gu-huh!
214
00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:59,355
Wow. Those black-and-white
security cameras
215
00:07:59,438 --> 00:08:01,649
don't do you justice.
216
00:08:02,942 --> 00:08:04,694
What's going on here?
217
00:08:04,777 --> 00:08:06,904
I caught her going
through your things, Drew.
218
00:08:06,988 --> 00:08:07,989
I thought I heard a woman
219
00:08:08,072 --> 00:08:11,492
screaming for help
from one of your drawers.
220
00:08:12,618 --> 00:08:13,703
Uh, thanks, Chuck.
221
00:08:13,786 --> 00:08:14,912
I think I can handle
things from here.
222
00:08:14,996 --> 00:08:16,831
Give me a couple of minutes,
223
00:08:16,914 --> 00:08:20,543
and those cameras can look the
other way, if you know what I mean.
224
00:08:24,463 --> 00:08:25,673
Goin' through my drawers, huh?
225
00:08:25,756 --> 00:08:28,175
Now, you'd assume that I'd go
226
00:08:28,259 --> 00:08:30,511
to the upper left-hand
drawer, as I am left-handed.
227
00:08:30,594 --> 00:08:33,055
But you would know that I
remember the rat trap incident
228
00:08:33,139 --> 00:08:36,267
and overcompensate
by going to the lower right.
229
00:08:37,852 --> 00:08:39,729
That's why...
230
00:08:42,148 --> 00:08:44,358
Ah-ha.
231
00:08:44,442 --> 00:08:46,360
A dead fish!
232
00:08:47,987 --> 00:08:50,031
You disappoint me, Mimi.
233
00:08:50,114 --> 00:08:51,991
You can't prove it's mine.
234
00:08:52,074 --> 00:08:54,076
You're the only one that
swallows 'em whole.
235
00:08:55,995 --> 00:08:58,414
You know, Mimi, this
is just a cry for help.
236
00:08:58,497 --> 00:09:01,083
Your problem is you can't
express your true feelings for me.
237
00:09:01,167 --> 00:09:04,045
I could if I had a bone
saw and some salt.
238
00:09:04,128 --> 00:09:06,297
How about a bow and arrow?
239
00:09:06,380 --> 00:09:07,631
You know, like cupid.
240
00:09:07,715 --> 00:09:09,091
[kissing sounds]
241
00:09:09,175 --> 00:09:10,176
Uhh...
242
00:09:16,797 --> 00:09:18,797
[Mimi laughs]
243
00:09:25,900 --> 00:09:27,777
No, no. It's gonna
take more than that
244
00:09:27,860 --> 00:09:29,361
to ruin my birthday week.
245
00:09:32,323 --> 00:09:34,283
[phone rings]
246
00:09:37,307 --> 00:09:39,307
[no audio]
247
00:09:43,375 --> 00:09:44,335
Hey.
248
00:09:44,418 --> 00:09:46,420
♪ Happy birthday to me ♪
249
00:09:46,504 --> 00:09:47,755
♪ Happy birth... ♪
Hey, guys.
250
00:09:47,838 --> 00:09:48,798
I'll be ready in a minute.
251
00:09:48,881 --> 00:09:50,466
I was thinking maybe
we could go to dinner,
252
00:09:50,549 --> 00:09:51,801
then go see the movie.
253
00:09:51,884 --> 00:09:54,804
So, where's Jay?
254
00:09:54,887 --> 00:09:56,055
Oh, one of his movers called
in sick and he had to fill in.
255
00:09:56,138 --> 00:09:57,723
I don't know if he can make it.
256
00:09:57,807 --> 00:09:59,141
Oh, man. I-I hope
this isn't my fault.
257
00:09:59,225 --> 00:10:00,184
He may think I don't like him.
258
00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:01,852
Hey, ladies.
259
00:10:01,936 --> 00:10:03,229
Uck. Him.
260
00:10:03,312 --> 00:10:04,772
Jay, man, how you
doing? Nice to see you.
261
00:10:04,855 --> 00:10:06,982
Yeah, the old hernia
started flaring up, so..
262
00:10:07,066 --> 00:10:08,192
Hey, look at this thing.
263
00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:09,652
No. No!
264
00:10:09,735 --> 00:10:12,279
I'm kidding! The
move was rescheduled.
265
00:10:12,363 --> 00:10:13,614
We don't get to see your hernia?
266
00:10:13,697 --> 00:10:15,783
That's a shame. My
uncle had a hernia.
267
00:10:15,866 --> 00:10:18,410
It was huge. We used to ride it.
268
00:10:18,494 --> 00:10:21,831
Boys, there's nothing
that I love more
269
00:10:21,914 --> 00:10:23,666
than a great hernia
story before dinner.
270
00:10:23,749 --> 00:10:25,126
Where do you want to go?
271
00:10:25,209 --> 00:10:26,794
Why don't we go for Chinese?
272
00:10:26,877 --> 00:10:28,629
Actually, I just found
the greatest Italian place.
273
00:10:28,712 --> 00:10:29,630
It's right around the corner.
274
00:10:29,713 --> 00:10:31,257
Italian, man, I'm up for that.
275
00:10:31,340 --> 00:10:34,218
Actually, Chinese makes
a better pre-movie dinner.
276
00:10:34,301 --> 00:10:35,845
As anyone knows,
it's not as heavy.
277
00:10:35,928 --> 00:10:37,054
Since when does that matter?
278
00:10:37,138 --> 00:10:38,889
We're not going to
swim to the movie, right?
279
00:10:38,973 --> 00:10:40,141
[all laughing]
280
00:10:40,224 --> 00:10:41,684
Well, for your information,
281
00:10:41,767 --> 00:10:43,144
I always pick the restaurants.
282
00:10:43,227 --> 00:10:45,396
So tonight you're not.
Come on, who wants Italian?
283
00:10:45,479 --> 00:10:46,689
Aw, come on.
284
00:10:46,772 --> 00:10:49,525
Let's just compromise
and go to the food court.
285
00:10:51,277 --> 00:10:52,361
Look.
286
00:10:52,444 --> 00:10:55,156
One more corn dog,
I get a free corn dog.
287
00:10:55,239 --> 00:10:58,367
No. No, no, no. He
doesn't run this group now.
288
00:10:58,450 --> 00:11:00,244
I've put in 25
years with you guys.
289
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:02,580
I rode that hernia.
It's my little reward
290
00:11:02,663 --> 00:11:04,206
to pick the restaurants.
291
00:11:04,290 --> 00:11:06,000
Okay, let's just take a vote.
292
00:11:06,083 --> 00:11:07,001
Who wants Italian?
293
00:11:07,084 --> 00:11:09,295
Who wants Chinese?
294
00:11:09,378 --> 00:11:12,006
Fine. We know that you
and Oswald want Italian.
295
00:11:12,089 --> 00:11:14,133
Lewis?
296
00:11:14,216 --> 00:11:16,135
Well...
297
00:11:16,218 --> 00:11:17,261
I guess I'll take Chinese.
298
00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:20,931
Drew?
299
00:11:21,015 --> 00:11:23,058
Look, the important thing is
300
00:11:23,142 --> 00:11:25,227
we're all going to
eat together. Right?
301
00:11:25,311 --> 00:11:26,437
It doesn't matter
where we have dinner.
302
00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:27,646
Let's just flip a coin.
303
00:11:27,730 --> 00:11:29,607
Heads, Chinese, tails, Italian.
304
00:11:30,608 --> 00:11:32,318
Ah, I got to flip
this thing again.
305
00:11:32,401 --> 00:11:33,694
I had Chinese for lunch.
306
00:11:35,529 --> 00:11:37,698
What the hell's
wrong with this thing?
307
00:11:37,781 --> 00:11:40,659
What kind of excuse is that,
you had Chinese for lunch?
308
00:11:40,743 --> 00:11:42,161
Do you think they
say that in China,
309
00:11:42,244 --> 00:11:43,579
"Oh, we just had Chinese"?
310
00:11:43,662 --> 00:11:45,247
Come on, Lewis, we're going.
311
00:11:45,331 --> 00:11:46,373
Actually, Kate,
312
00:11:46,457 --> 00:11:48,334
I'd prefer Italian.
313
00:11:48,417 --> 00:11:50,336
I was just... scared.
314
00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:54,215
Okay. It's not worth
the fight. I'm sorry.
315
00:11:54,298 --> 00:11:55,507
Let's just go to Antonio's.
316
00:11:55,591 --> 00:11:57,051
Actually, I was
thinking Mario's.
317
00:11:57,134 --> 00:12:00,346
[screams]
What a jerk! I can't take it!
318
00:12:00,429 --> 00:12:02,806
Oh, man.
319
00:12:02,890 --> 00:12:05,059
Ah, don't worry,
Drew. She'll get over it.
320
00:12:05,142 --> 00:12:08,354
No. My corn dog
card just expired.
321
00:12:08,437 --> 00:12:10,481
I had 49 punches in it!
322
00:12:15,882 --> 00:12:17,882
[instrumental music]
323
00:12:19,281 --> 00:12:20,741
Hey, birthday boy.
324
00:12:20,824 --> 00:12:22,743
Hey, help me out here. What
do you want for your birthday?
325
00:12:22,826 --> 00:12:24,536
I'd like one week
where I get the looks
326
00:12:24,620 --> 00:12:27,456
and you're the big jolly guy
with the overflowing personality.
327
00:12:27,539 --> 00:12:29,500
Hey, how about a
membership at a gym?
328
00:12:29,583 --> 00:12:33,254
Hey, that'd go good with the
giant speedos I'm buying you.
329
00:12:33,337 --> 00:12:36,173
I got a beer for Kate
just in case she shows up.
330
00:12:36,257 --> 00:12:37,216
Hey, you might
as well drink it now.
331
00:12:37,299 --> 00:12:38,801
She's never coming
anywhere near us again.
332
00:12:38,884 --> 00:12:40,469
I can't even get
her at her house.
333
00:12:40,552 --> 00:12:41,804
Can you believe she called me
334
00:12:41,887 --> 00:12:43,472
and said she wasn't
coming to my birthday party.
335
00:12:43,555 --> 00:12:45,182
Well, I feel a little
bit responsible.
336
00:12:45,266 --> 00:12:47,810
I mean, it's just like we naturally
push each other's buttons.
337
00:12:47,893 --> 00:12:49,353
[Drew]
Everybody's like that
a little bit with Kate.
338
00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:50,604
You just got to understand her.
339
00:12:50,688 --> 00:12:51,939
Sometimes she likes
to fake with her right
340
00:12:52,022 --> 00:12:53,691
before she makes
her point with her left.
341
00:12:53,774 --> 00:12:55,025
You mean figuratively?
342
00:12:55,109 --> 00:12:57,152
Yeah. Figuratively.
343
00:12:57,236 --> 00:12:58,862
Hey.
344
00:12:58,946 --> 00:12:59,947
Hey, Kate. Hi.
345
00:13:00,030 --> 00:13:01,532
Hey, Kate. How you doing?
346
00:13:01,615 --> 00:13:02,616
What's up?
347
00:13:02,700 --> 00:13:03,617
Hi.
348
00:13:03,701 --> 00:13:05,452
I-I'm Kate from the store.
349
00:13:05,536 --> 00:13:08,080
You work in the
warehouse, don't you?
350
00:13:08,163 --> 00:13:10,666
No. We're in lingerie.
351
00:13:10,749 --> 00:13:13,460
[all laughing]
352
00:13:13,544 --> 00:13:14,795
Mind if I sit down?
353
00:13:14,878 --> 00:13:16,338
You sure you work at the store?
354
00:13:16,422 --> 00:13:17,214
Yeah. You know,
355
00:13:17,298 --> 00:13:18,674
Kate O'Brien, cosmetics.
356
00:13:18,757 --> 00:13:19,633
Doesn't ring a bell.
357
00:13:19,717 --> 00:13:22,261
Why doesn't anyone remember me?
358
00:13:22,344 --> 00:13:24,930
Oh, yeah. You're the whiner.
359
00:13:26,765 --> 00:13:28,350
Hey, ladies. Kate.
360
00:13:29,935 --> 00:13:30,936
Can I talk to you for a minute?
361
00:13:31,020 --> 00:13:32,980
No, I'm here with my friends.
362
00:13:33,063 --> 00:13:34,094
This is, uh..
363
00:13:34,118 --> 00:13:35,999
and y-you know, um..
364
00:13:36,024 --> 00:13:38,485
the-the, uh, the, uh, girls.
365
00:13:38,569 --> 00:13:40,488
Come on. It's real important.
366
00:13:42,404 --> 00:13:43,404
[sighs]
367
00:13:45,075 --> 00:13:45,993
You know, uh...
368
00:13:46,076 --> 00:13:48,329
I've been trying to call you.
369
00:13:48,412 --> 00:13:49,872
I even went to your house.
370
00:13:49,955 --> 00:13:52,583
I know you and Jay
aren't getting along,
371
00:13:52,666 --> 00:13:55,002
but it's my calls
you're not returning.
372
00:13:55,085 --> 00:13:57,171
I really miss you,
373
00:13:57,254 --> 00:14:00,114
and I would love it if you
would come to my birthday party.
374
00:14:00,307 --> 00:14:02,051
- You're having a birthday party?
- Yeah.
375
00:14:02,134 --> 00:14:03,969
Hey, we love to party!
376
00:14:04,053 --> 00:14:05,137
Yeah, I'll Bet you do.
377
00:14:05,220 --> 00:14:07,056
We love birthdays.
378
00:14:07,139 --> 00:14:08,557
Yeah, listen, if
you'd like to come,
379
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:09,558
I'd love to invite you,
380
00:14:09,641 --> 00:14:10,893
even though my
house is real small
381
00:14:10,976 --> 00:14:14,146
and, you know,
we're eating real light.
382
00:14:14,229 --> 00:14:16,940
I'm not going if Jay's
going to be there.
383
00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:18,442
Come on. He's a nice guy.
384
00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:21,528
Fine. I'm sure he is,
and I'm glad you like him.
385
00:14:21,612 --> 00:14:23,489
It's just that I feel
uncomfortable around him,
386
00:14:23,572 --> 00:14:24,782
and I don't want
to ruin your party.
387
00:14:24,865 --> 00:14:26,742
Oh, you won't ruin my party.
388
00:14:26,825 --> 00:14:29,745
Oh, yes, I will.
389
00:14:31,747 --> 00:14:34,291
Well, there goes another gift.
390
00:14:36,460 --> 00:14:37,575
Hey, uh, do you guys mind?
391
00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:38,921
I need to talk to Jay
alone for a second.
392
00:14:39,004 --> 00:14:40,089
Oh, okay.
393
00:14:44,301 --> 00:14:45,427
What's up, buddy?
394
00:14:45,511 --> 00:14:47,304
Listen, Jay, I have
kind of a problem.
395
00:14:47,388 --> 00:14:48,764
Let me guess.
396
00:14:48,847 --> 00:14:50,474
Kate doesn't want
me at the party.
397
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:51,475
Wow.
398
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:54,311
Okay, I'm thinking of a color.
399
00:14:55,521 --> 00:14:57,231
Look, I know what's
going on here.
400
00:14:57,314 --> 00:14:58,524
It's cool. I won't go.
401
00:14:58,607 --> 00:15:01,902
Thanks. Kate's just in
a weird place right now.
402
00:15:01,985 --> 00:15:03,987
That carnival guy, she
thought he was Mr. Right
403
00:15:04,071 --> 00:15:05,781
ever since he
guessed her weight.
404
00:15:05,864 --> 00:15:08,409
Whatever, man.
Have a good time.
405
00:15:08,492 --> 00:15:09,410
You know, it is my birthday.
406
00:15:09,493 --> 00:15:10,828
You could try to
fight it a little bit.
407
00:15:10,911 --> 00:15:13,080
Okay.
408
00:15:13,163 --> 00:15:14,998
Can I please come to your party?
409
00:15:15,082 --> 00:15:16,959
Oh, don't embarrass
yourself, man.
410
00:15:17,042 --> 00:15:19,336
Have fun.
411
00:15:21,255 --> 00:15:23,966
Boy, I can't believe I have
to pick between two friends.
412
00:15:24,049 --> 00:15:26,093
Hey, he was the one
who broke your lava lamp
413
00:15:26,176 --> 00:15:27,386
and blamed it on the wind.
414
00:15:27,469 --> 00:15:28,470
Hey, he took your beer and said
415
00:15:28,554 --> 00:15:29,972
they forgot to put it
in the grocery bag.
416
00:15:30,055 --> 00:15:31,223
I did not. I did not.
You're the one...
417
00:15:31,306 --> 00:15:33,434
[both arguing at once]
418
00:15:33,517 --> 00:15:35,853
I'm not talking about you guys.
419
00:15:35,936 --> 00:15:38,313
[both]
Oh.
420
00:15:39,731 --> 00:15:41,692
Hi there.
421
00:15:41,775 --> 00:15:44,361
You guys going to
be at Drew's party?
422
00:15:44,445 --> 00:15:46,738
Uh... I'm in a relationship.
423
00:15:48,365 --> 00:15:50,951
'Cause if you're
there, we're there.
424
00:15:51,034 --> 00:15:52,661
We want to party with you.
425
00:15:52,744 --> 00:15:56,999
You bring me some
of that party, girl.
426
00:15:58,500 --> 00:15:59,960
I'm in a relationship.
427
00:16:01,196 --> 00:16:04,196
[instrumental music]
428
00:16:05,257 --> 00:16:07,634
I made a dirty cake.
429
00:16:07,718 --> 00:16:09,803
What's that supposed to be?
430
00:16:09,887 --> 00:16:11,221
Isn't that the--
431
00:16:11,305 --> 00:16:12,556
No.
432
00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:14,391
Isn't that where that goes?
433
00:16:14,475 --> 00:16:16,018
No.
434
00:16:18,187 --> 00:16:21,440
Well, then, it's a
man with a pointy hat.
435
00:16:22,900 --> 00:16:27,154
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
436
00:16:27,237 --> 00:16:31,074
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
437
00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:33,160
♪ Happy birthday ♪
438
00:16:33,243 --> 00:16:35,704
♪ Dear Drew ♪
439
00:16:35,787 --> 00:16:38,624
♪ Happy birthday ♪
440
00:16:38,707 --> 00:16:41,210
♪ To you ♪
441
00:16:41,293 --> 00:16:43,837
[whistling and cheering]
442
00:16:43,921 --> 00:16:46,089
[whispering]
443
00:16:47,799 --> 00:16:50,010
[cheering]
444
00:16:50,093 --> 00:16:51,053
Happy birthday, Drew.
445
00:16:51,136 --> 00:16:53,222
I'm glad I'm here
to share it with you.
446
00:16:53,305 --> 00:16:54,973
Is this me with the pointy hat?
447
00:16:55,057 --> 00:16:56,642
Uh-huh.
448
00:16:56,725 --> 00:16:58,602
And now, part of the evening
449
00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:00,062
you've all been waiting for.
450
00:17:00,145 --> 00:17:01,688
Drumroll, please.
451
00:17:01,772 --> 00:17:04,691
Drew Carey, this is your life.
452
00:17:04,775 --> 00:17:07,152
Oh. I hope I get to go
to the prom this time.
453
00:17:09,071 --> 00:17:10,864
Okay, Drew Carey,
454
00:17:10,948 --> 00:17:13,283
do you remember, this voice?
455
00:17:15,327 --> 00:17:16,411
What voice?
456
00:17:17,496 --> 00:17:19,206
This voice?
457
00:17:19,289 --> 00:17:20,207
It's you.
458
00:17:20,290 --> 00:17:21,416
Okay.
459
00:17:21,500 --> 00:17:23,627
How about this voice?
460
00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:25,921
[Oswald doing imitation]
Drew, if you tell anyone
about this, ever,
461
00:17:26,004 --> 00:17:27,130
I'll kill you!
462
00:17:27,214 --> 00:17:28,924
Uncle Bob!
463
00:17:30,092 --> 00:17:32,761
Get out here, Oswald.
464
00:17:34,471 --> 00:17:35,639
Okay, you got that one.
465
00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:38,642
But you're not
going to get this one.
466
00:17:40,978 --> 00:17:42,771
[man]
I've played in
three world series,
467
00:17:42,854 --> 00:17:46,066
I've got over 3,000
hits and 450 home runs,
468
00:17:46,149 --> 00:17:49,194
seven gold gloves,
12 all-star games,
469
00:17:49,278 --> 00:17:52,864
and been drafted in
three professional sports.
470
00:17:52,948 --> 00:17:55,909
That's pretty good. It
sounds just like Dave Winfield.
471
00:17:56,695 --> 00:17:59,195
[all cheering]
472
00:18:00,163 --> 00:18:02,249
Holy cow!
473
00:18:02,332 --> 00:18:04,167
Dave Winfield!
474
00:18:04,251 --> 00:18:06,587
You must be Drew Carey.
475
00:18:06,670 --> 00:18:08,630
Wow!
476
00:18:08,714 --> 00:18:09,756
Wow!
477
00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:11,800
Wait, wait. I thought
you two knew each other.
478
00:18:11,883 --> 00:18:13,385
What are you talking about?
479
00:18:13,468 --> 00:18:16,013
Well, you know what he eats,
you know his favorite color.
480
00:18:16,096 --> 00:18:17,764
You know what he
looks for in a woman.
481
00:18:17,848 --> 00:18:19,266
I thought you guys went to
school together or something.
482
00:18:19,349 --> 00:18:21,560
No, I'm just a big fan.
483
00:18:21,643 --> 00:18:22,936
Then why are you here?
484
00:18:23,020 --> 00:18:25,647
You said there was a
12-foot sub sandwich here.
485
00:18:25,731 --> 00:18:27,858
Oh!
486
00:18:27,941 --> 00:18:29,985
Hey, you want to
go up to my room
487
00:18:30,068 --> 00:18:31,612
and see my sports trophies?
488
00:18:31,695 --> 00:18:33,280
Would I? Let's go.
489
00:18:33,363 --> 00:18:34,615
Wait, wait, wait,
490
00:18:34,698 --> 00:18:37,951
wait, wait. There's
one more voice.
491
00:18:38,035 --> 00:18:40,162
[Jay]
Drew, I was sitting home
alone thinking, this is stupid.
492
00:18:40,245 --> 00:18:41,788
My friend's having a birthday,
493
00:18:41,872 --> 00:18:43,999
and what's the
harm if I came over,
494
00:18:44,082 --> 00:18:45,584
gave him his present, and left?
495
00:18:45,667 --> 00:18:47,669
And, Kate, put the cake knife
down. I'll only be a minute.
496
00:18:47,753 --> 00:18:49,755
Nice try, Jay.
497
00:18:49,838 --> 00:18:51,923
But you had to deliver
the present tonight?
498
00:18:52,007 --> 00:18:53,133
It's perishable.
499
00:18:53,216 --> 00:18:54,259
What is it?
500
00:18:54,343 --> 00:18:55,302
A Fudgsicle.
501
00:18:55,385 --> 00:18:59,473
Fudgsicle. I like
anything on a stick.
502
00:18:59,556 --> 00:19:02,142
Okay. Okay. Now go home.
503
00:19:02,225 --> 00:19:04,645
Come on, Kate. Be a sport.
504
00:19:04,728 --> 00:19:06,188
Let him stay till
the beer runs out.
505
00:19:06,271 --> 00:19:09,566
Hey, Drew, can I, uh,
drink directly from the tap?
506
00:19:13,236 --> 00:19:14,363
On second thought,
507
00:19:14,446 --> 00:19:16,490
let him stay till
the cake runs out.
508
00:19:16,573 --> 00:19:18,241
Got any more cake?
509
00:19:20,035 --> 00:19:21,662
Come on. Just let
him stay for an hour.
510
00:19:21,745 --> 00:19:23,497
Fine. We could use a piñata.
511
00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:25,832
Hey, I'm not the
one who's full of crap.
512
00:19:25,916 --> 00:19:28,919
Okay, that's it. Girlfriends?
513
00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:30,921
Do you see this guy?
514
00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:32,422
He said you may look strong,
515
00:19:32,506 --> 00:19:34,424
but you couldn't lift
diddly over your heads.
516
00:19:36,051 --> 00:19:37,010
Come here, diddly.
517
00:19:37,094 --> 00:19:39,262
[laughing]
518
00:19:39,346 --> 00:19:41,223
Alright. That's it.
519
00:19:41,306 --> 00:19:43,266
You two act like a
couple of third-graders.
520
00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:46,186
There is no reason
you couldn't get along.
521
00:19:46,269 --> 00:19:47,479
Now, I want you to get
your butts in that kitchen
522
00:19:47,562 --> 00:19:49,022
and don't come out till
you work these things out.
523
00:19:49,106 --> 00:19:51,400
Remember. No gouging, no
hittin' below the belt, no hair-pulling,
524
00:19:51,483 --> 00:19:53,694
and, Jay, hope
you're wearing a cup.
525
00:19:55,445 --> 00:19:56,905
Well, now look what you did?
526
00:19:56,988 --> 00:19:58,198
Not only did you ruin the party,
527
00:19:58,281 --> 00:20:00,158
but you made a
spectacle of both of us.
528
00:20:00,242 --> 00:20:02,661
Look. We got off on
the wrong foot here.
529
00:20:02,744 --> 00:20:04,871
Just because I used your
stupid car in that stupid game
530
00:20:04,955 --> 00:20:06,373
doesn't mean I'm
trying to replace you.
531
00:20:06,456 --> 00:20:09,584
Ooh, replace me.
Ooh, my deepest fear.
532
00:20:09,668 --> 00:20:11,169
You really see into my soul.
533
00:20:11,253 --> 00:20:13,547
You know what? You are the
bossiest, most self-centered woman
534
00:20:13,630 --> 00:20:15,465
I haven't divorced yet!
535
00:20:15,549 --> 00:20:17,300
Oh, I'm self-centered?
536
00:20:17,384 --> 00:20:19,386
You talking about how
good-looking you are,
537
00:20:19,469 --> 00:20:20,804
how charming you are,
538
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,848
how much i'm attracted to you.
539
00:20:22,931 --> 00:20:24,266
You, you, you!
540
00:20:24,349 --> 00:20:26,268
I never said you
were attracted to me.
541
00:20:26,351 --> 00:20:27,769
Uh..
542
00:20:27,853 --> 00:20:31,106
But don't pretend like
you don't think I'm not!
543
00:20:33,289 --> 00:20:34,289
[sighs]
544
00:20:36,862 --> 00:20:39,448
It's a... little too
quiet in there.
545
00:20:39,531 --> 00:20:42,492
She must have gone
for the voice box first.
546
00:20:42,576 --> 00:20:44,619
Hi.
547
00:20:44,703 --> 00:20:46,580
I just got engaged.
548
00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:50,333
You want to dance?
549
00:20:50,417 --> 00:20:51,752
Well, uh, you know, I--
550
00:20:51,835 --> 00:20:55,213
Did my voice go up?
'Cause that wasn't a question.
551
00:20:55,297 --> 00:20:56,548
Uh, hold that thought.
552
00:20:56,631 --> 00:20:57,924
Er, don't hold on to that.
553
00:20:58,008 --> 00:20:59,301
On second thought, hold that,
554
00:20:59,384 --> 00:21:02,512
and let me go check on
something that's going on in here.
555
00:21:02,596 --> 00:21:03,680
Kate!
556
00:21:03,764 --> 00:21:04,681
Ah! Oh!
557
00:21:04,765 --> 00:21:05,849
Jay!
558
00:21:05,932 --> 00:21:09,060
That bastard hit me in the
mouth with his-with his face.
559
00:21:10,604 --> 00:21:12,189
Twice.
560
00:21:13,732 --> 00:21:17,736
So, uh, I take it you two have
decided to become friends?
561
00:21:17,819 --> 00:21:20,322
No, I think they've
been kissing.
562
00:21:21,907 --> 00:21:23,658
[Drew]
So let me get this straight.
563
00:21:23,742 --> 00:21:24,951
One minute you're
mortal enemies,
564
00:21:25,035 --> 00:21:27,704
and then the next minute,
you're just making out?
565
00:21:29,790 --> 00:21:33,168
Excuse me. I got to go pick
a fight with the big blonde.
566
00:21:37,339 --> 00:21:39,132
Uh, you know, Jay, now
that you're dating Kate,
567
00:21:39,216 --> 00:21:41,927
a little bit of advice,
uh, she likes to win.
568
00:21:42,010 --> 00:21:44,095
Yeah, I found that
out after our first date.
569
00:21:45,764 --> 00:21:47,349
And then she tripped me.
570
00:21:47,432 --> 00:21:50,977
Can I help it if
I have big feet?
571
00:21:51,061 --> 00:21:52,938
And if you ever criticize her,
572
00:21:53,021 --> 00:21:57,067
she'll remind you of it
again and again and again...
573
00:21:57,150 --> 00:21:59,444
So, is there anything else I
should know about my little Kate?
574
00:21:59,528 --> 00:22:01,988
Well, when she says
stop tickling, stop tickling.
575
00:22:02,072 --> 00:22:03,532
'Cause she'll pee her pants.
576
00:22:05,575 --> 00:22:07,953
Once. And I was only 24.
577
00:22:08,036 --> 00:22:11,206
Oh, and if you ever take her
to an all-you-can-eat place,
578
00:22:11,289 --> 00:22:13,917
don't, 'cause she doesn't
eat for like two days before.
579
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:15,460
Alright. Alright. That'll do.
580
00:22:15,544 --> 00:22:17,087
Oh, yeah. I got one. Wait.
581
00:22:17,170 --> 00:22:19,756
Sometimes it gets so
cold, her nose starts to run.
582
00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:21,216
She can't feel it--
583
00:22:21,299 --> 00:22:22,801
Okay, that's it! Not
one more word!
584
00:22:22,884 --> 00:22:24,261
Come on. We have pictures.
585
00:22:24,344 --> 00:22:25,762
- Alright.
- No!
38867
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