All language subtitles for The Drew Carey Show (1995) - S01E11 - Isomers Have Distinct Characteristics (720p DVD Upscale x264 8bit AAC 2.0 DJPitaB).eng

Read 'em and weep.

Aww, man.

Boy, Drew, it's great

you're finally over this
management/employee,

"I-can't-see-Lisa thing."

I didn't want to say anything,

but it was getting kinda stupid.

Yeah, I thought so, too.

How 'bout you, Martha?

Sure thing, Fred.

Would you guys stop worrying?

Lisa's here as my friend,

not as Drew's secret girlfriend.

I thought I was
Drew's secret girlfriend.

It was an experiment,

and it failed, so let it go.

Everybody ante up.

Oh, Oswald, this
isn't strip poker.

I know. I'm just out of money,

and I'm betting my sock.

Did you jog today? Yeah.

Yeah, well, here's five bucks.

Okay, what do you
say we liven this up?

High card has to tell

the weirdest place
they ever had sex.

Hmmm.

On a woman.

We haven't dealt
the cards yet, Oswald.

On a train.

Oswald.

Just outside of Toledo.

Okay, you're done.

King of spades is high, Lewis.

Weirdest place, huh?

I guess I'd have to say...

Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.

At Disneyland?

No. That's just
what she called it.

Okay, I fold.

Ah, come on, Drew.

You've been around.

What's your strangest place?

Ah, come on,

there's been so many,
I-I don't want to brag.

What? Are you
afraid your friends

will think you have sex?

Shut up. They know I don't.

Yeah.

Alright, then let me guess.

Could it be in your car?

In your bed?

On the pool table
tomorrow night?

- Oh.
- Oh-ho-ho.

Okay, looks like I
win. Everybody leave.

[chuckling]
Drew, I said tomorrow night.

Yeah, I know, but I got to call
my mom, tell her the good news.

[laughing]

[theme song]

♪ Moon over Parma, bring
my love to me tonight ♪

♪ Guide her to Cleveland
underneath your silvery light ♪

♪ We're goin' bowlin' ♪

♪ So don't lose her in Solon ♪

♪ Moon over Parma tonight ♪

[instrumental music]

Here you go, buds.

So, uh, Oswald,

any problems at
the job interview?

I don't think so,

but I may have gotten
something backwards.

Is it you're supposed
to look him in the eye

and don't scratch your ass?

Come on. I have
done this before.

I'm not totally inept.

So how did it go?

Not too good.

You know, you should
never ask a woman

if she's pregnant.

No.

So, you didn't get the job.

No. Maybe if I hadn't
rubbed her tummy and said,

"Hey, you got a
linebacker in there!"

Uh-oh. An angry mob.

[Lewis]
Oh, they're just the
people from your store.

Hey, Kate.

Oh, hi, Lewis. Hi, guys.

[Drew]
Hey how'd the
union meeting go?

It's still going.

We're taking a break
to have a few beers.

Oh, yeah? Gonna celebrate
that big, new contract?

I don't think so, we're
headed for a strike.

A strike? Boy,
you're kidding me.

You know, Drew, you
may want to leave now.

Why, 'cause I'm management?

Let me tell you somethin',

I'm just barely management.

If, uh, management
was a big dinner,

I'd be sittin' at
the kiddie table.

Drew, this is nothing to do

with you being management.

I just don't like you.

But I-I do like you,

and I still want you to leave.

Come on. Wait a minute.

I may be the last voice
of sanity you hear,

you can't strike a few
weeks before Christmas.

You'll shut down the store.

Besides, I hired every
dwarf in Cleveland

to ride that little
train in the lobby.

Oh, I'm sorry, Drew,

but we're just sick and tired

of working our butts
off for low wages

while management gets fat.

Hey, maybe management
has a slow metabolism.

You ever think of that?

I think management's gotta stop

dipping his butter
cookies in chocolate syrup.

Wow, have you lost touch.

Now you're just Mr. Big Shot

sitting way up in
your ivory tower.

Ivory tower? It's a cubicle.

I sit in a plastic chair.

You wouldn't even have
a job if it wasn't for me.

[sighs]

Hold on a minute.

Look what we're doing, Drew.

I mean, I appreciate
that you gave me a job,

but it looks like there's gonna
be some rough seas ahead,

so let's agree, right
now, that if this thing

ever makes us forget
that we're friends,

we'll take a time-out and
give each other a big hug.

Deal?

Alright.

- Okay.
- Deal.

You know, i'm
not against unions.

I'm just sure we
can solve this thing

without a big, ugly strike.

I used to be a salesperson.

I know what it's like.

I mean, I hired most of you.

You're like my family.

Kate, Larry...

[claps and snaps fingers]

You over there...

Guy with the hat...

The woman with the sweater...

If you really want to
avoid an ugly strike,

give us the scoop

on how much
management's willing to bend.

Alright, if it'll help save
Christmas for everybody,

I'll spill my guts.

[chairs thudding]

Okay.

How much do they have
in the budget for raises?

I don't know.

Do you think we can
get more vacation time?

I don't know.

Can we get more
health-care benefits?

Ah, I don't know.

Let's try this one.

How can you be assistant
director of Personnel

and be so completely
out of touch

with what's going
on in management?

I don't know. What
have you heard?

Strike! Strike!

[all chanting]
Strike! Strike! Strike!
Strike! Strike!

[all chanting]
Strike! Strike! Strike!

[instrumental music]

Boy, Drew, you're
all covered up.

Is it cold out,

or did the city pass
an ugly ordinance?

[chuckles]

I'm covered up
'cause I was trying

to sneak through
the picket line.

I would have made it, too,

except someone pointed me out.

Hey, I didn't say your name.

No, all you said was, "There's
the cause of all your troubles,

and there's a pile of rocks."

Oh, let me add
this to your pile.

The first wave of
incompetent temp workers

are waiting in the lobby.

Lashondra, could you send in
the first temp workers, please?

Lashondra?

Lashondra's on strike.

[man on phone]
Hello? Who's there?

Hear that, Mimi?

One of the incompetent temp
workers heard the phone ringing

and took it upon himself
to answer the phone.

Hi, there.

Who's the eager
beaver I'm speaking to?

[man on phone]
Hello?

Where's the voice coming from?

How come there's so
many buttons on this thing.

Hey, listen to this.

[playing Swanee
River using telephone]

I'll make sure they
find their way up here.

[laughs]
I got a pocketful of feed corn.

I bet you got more
than a pocketful.

Paycheck.

Oh, Nora, am I glad
accounting isn't on strike.

It is, but i'm
married to my job,

and I do not cheat.

Look, uh, Nora,

I know you and I have had
our problems in the past,

but I may need your
help on something.

You see, uh..

I might need to hire
some, How do I put this?

Undocumented Canadians to do
a little odd jobs around the store.

[clears throat]

Do they have work visas?

Not exactly.

But it's very common.
They come here to work

in exchange for cigarettes

and regular bacon.

Come on, cheer up.
I'm making a joke.

I'm trying to boost
morale around here.

My morale is up.

I've never been
happier in my whole life.

Hey, Drew.

Oswald, what are you doing here?

I'm here for a job.

Hi.

I'm Oswald.

I'm glad you finally
got that worked out.

Yeah.

Oh, okay, everybody,
I'm glad you're here.

We have openings
all over the store,

so who has any special talents?

I can play Swanee
River on the telephone.

And we have a parking attendant.

Thank you.

Okay, go-getters,

the payroll department's
right around the corner

and listen, we don't have

a real strict dress code here,

but if you could wear
shoes tomorrow, sir?

Thank you.

You know, Drew,

I don't want to take advantage

of our friendship and all,

but could I have a
job where I travel?

Okay, but listen, while
we're setting that up,

how about if I start you out

in, um... cosmetics?

Cosmetics? That's a girl job.

Pays seven bucks an hour.

Hey, I'll cut it off
for $7.00 an hour.

Did I just hear

you're giving away
jobs in cosmetics?

Yeah. "Giving away"
and "throwing away"

are two different things, Mimi.

Send me in, coach. I
am ready. I can do this.

Mimi, come on, the
cosmetics counter

is right by the front door.

You don't have a choice.

You're up against the
wall, and you need me.

Alright. I'm giving
you a chance,

but don't blow it.

Blow it? For your information,

I've been putting on makeup

every morning since I was 12.

Yeah. Maybe one night

you'll actually take some off.

[instrumental music]

You can take my
word for it, ma'am,

it's really good makeup.

It's made in France.

Mmm.

So you going to buy it or what?

Hmm. Was it tested on animals?

Yes, and they looked fantastic.

That's not gonna cut it, Oswald.

You have to tease the customer.

Want this makeup? Can't have it.

You want it? Can't have it.

Who's got the makeup?

I got the make up. You want it?

Can't have it.

Somebody's gonna lose an eye.

So, scabmeister,
how was your day?

Totally insane.
Everyone hates me

'cause I have to hire
the people to fill in.

I do all the dirty work

while the bigwigs
hide up in their offices.

"Hey, look at Carey down there

"running through
the picket line.

He's quick for a big man."

[Lewis and Oswald laughing]

Merry Christmas, everyone.

It's a little early,
isn't it, Kate?

Well, I figured out my budget,

and based on the first week

of the strike, I'll be broke

by December 24th, So.

Oh, you didn't
have to do all this.

Kate, this is so
sweet. You went out

and bought us something nice

while you still had the money.

Oh, nah. I got you crap.

I just didn't want
to bring you down

Christmas morning.

I'm sure it's not crap.
I'm sure they're great.

Hey, look, shoes.
What a great gift.

Wait a second.
These are my shoes.

I know. I polished them for you.

Merry Christmas.

Wow. Merry Christmas to you.

I can see myself.

Hey, look! I'm disappointed

with my crappy gift!

No, I love it. Thanks, Kate.

Hey!

A rock.

Ooh.

You can never
have too many rocks.

Unless they're on top of you.

Wow! It's an egg!

- Ho-ho-ho.
- I can't believe it.

I painted it myself, Drew.

Oh, you're kidding.
It looks store-bought.

[Oswald]
Ooh.

Hey, since we're
opening presents

let's open the ones
you got for us, Drew.

Uh, no. Those aren't
for you, they're for me.

It's positive reinforcement.

Every time I don't
open the refrigerator,

I give myself a gift.

What's in the boxes?

Uh, ham.

What's the matter, afraid
you can't top a rock?

Alright, go ahead,

but I wish I'd gotten
you something else.

Hey, I bet it's my watch.

Oh, man.

Ooh.

I cannot believe you got me

this beautiful sweater
and I got you an egg.

Well, you know, Kate,
it's the thought that counts.

I didn't really even
think about it either.

I just grabbed it...

grabbed it from the fridge.

Well, you had to carry
it al the way over here.

You don't have to make
me feel better, Drew.

This isn't an easy
time for either of us.

Yeah, tell me about it.

Must be tough for you
standing on the picket line

in the freezing cold.

Although, when you set
the delivery truck on fire,

that must have
warmed you up a little.

Yeah. yeah.

Hey, how about you trying

to replace everybody?

I mean, that's got to be tough.

Yeah, boy, it's killin' me.

I don't know about
the rest of the store,

but the cosmetics counter

is pretty specialized.

You really have
to know your stuff.

Oh, I don't know.

Hug?

Oswald?

You put Oswald in cosmetics?

Come on, remember
our deal, Kate. Hug.

Alright. You're right.

Aww. Besides, it's not just me.

I'm backing up Mimi.

Hug, hug, hug, hug, hug.

You put Mimi in cosmetics?

Oh, great.

Why don't we just put Ike Turner

in the complaint department?

Hug.

[inhales and exhales sharply]

You're right again.

I'm okay.

I'm alright.

This is not going to end well.

If-if I started this,

I'll gladly give up the job.

No. It's not your fault.
You just need the work,

and Drew's just doing his job.

Unfortunately,
Drew's job is to hire

replacement workers
to bust up the strike

so we don't even
have enough money

to buy real cheese.

I had to buy cheeze with a "Z."

Gee, did I say that? Hug.

You know, I'm only doing this

to keep the store
open so you have a job

to come back to.

I'm doing this to
help you, Kate.

Help me?! If you
help me any more,

I'm gonna be starving,
broke, cold. Hug!

[grunts]
Oh. Eardrums!

Turning red!

Happy holidays!

[door opens and shuts]

You know,

Christmas can't come
too early or too often.

Hug?

Ohh.

[instrumental music]

Okay. As if today hasn't
been bad enough,

I have another emergency.

There's been a couple
of no-shows in lingerie,

so I'm filling in with Nora.

This is something that's
coming back to haunt me.

So, if you have any
questions, call me.

Do not leave the sales area.

Yeah. Whatever.

And don't be rude
to the customers.

For instance, if somebody
comes up to you and says,

"Hey, Halloween was
over a month ago,"

you would say...

I'd say "How you gonna
answer that phone

if it's ringing
out of your butt?"

And?

And, "Thank you for shopping

at Winfred-Louder."

Excellent.

Now, Oswald, did
you familiarize yourself

with all the products?

Yes. You can ask me anything.

Alright, uh, what,
uh, what's this?

Powdery stuff.
Makeup of some kind.

Am I right?

Yeah, I guess so.

Oh. And one last thing.

Uh, and you can't
repeat this to anyone,

but the company is on
the verge of collapse.

I wish I had someone
behind the counter

who knew the first thing about
what they were talking about,

but since I'm stuck
with you guys,

well, good luck.

We'll make you proud, bud.

Hi. Can I help you
to look more lovely?

Is Kate working today?

No, Kate's on strike

because she doesn't care
about your beauty needs.

May I help you?

Well, I'm looking
for an eye shadow

in sort of an aquamarine.

Oh. Like this?

Uh, no. More Rose tint.

Like this?

Yes, but darker.

Oh, like this? Yes!

Hazeltine Sea Breeze Number 14,

but you won't find it in stores.

I make it at home. Sorry.

Okay, here's your Wonderbra,

your Wonder panties.

Have a wonderful day.

Boy, some guy's in for a shock

when he turns on the
lights and pours some wine

and everything
he's interested in

is still in her
underwear. Heh heh.

Do you have to talk
about women like that?

I'm not talking about women.

I'm talking about human nature

you know, the way people
try to fool each other.

That's not how I'm like.

I say, take me as I am,
or just don't take me at all.

Oh, look. There
goes my interest.

Hi. We're giving away
free makeovers today.

Sit down.

Sit down!

[cell phone rings]

Yes. Mr. Bell. Yeah.

Yeah. I know
there's only one guy

in Sporting Goods.

It's okay. He'll be fine.
There's guns there.

Yeah. I'm doing
the best that I can.

Thank you, sir. Bye.

[Woman]
Excuse me! Can someone
help me here?!

I'll be there as soon as I can.

Listen, you stay here
and guard the register.

Try not to look so embarrassed

to be here.

Yeah, that's better.

Excuse me. I need some help

picking out some
lingerie for my wife.

We're going to Tahiti.

That sounds fun.

I'd like something kind
of sheer and clingy.

You know, Kelly and I

are always looking for ways

to heighten the
anticipation of intercourse.

The primary exports of Tahiti

are vanilla and sugar cane.

Hey, I like this.

But I'm not sure it'd fit.

Say, you're about
my wife's height.

Would you mind holding
this in front of you?

Oh. Uh..

Come on.

I suppose there's no harm.

Oh, yeah. That looks hot.

It does?

Absolutely.

Ruff.

Look, there's a strike going on,

we're very shorthanded.

Does this look like your
mother's size or not?

Excuse me, please.

I'll be right there!

Look, it's comfortable,

it breathes, I think
I can even jog in it.

Good.

Boy, this day's
never going to end.

Oh, my God, there's more.

Someone burn the nest.

[instrumental music]

Haircut?

Did you lose weight?

Uh-uh.

It's a new shirt.

Nope.

What is it?

I'm wearing makeup.

You're kidding.

Nope. You can't see it

'cause it's called "concealer."

Boy, if I see one more pair
of women's underwear...

I wouldn't worry about it, Drew.

[Oswald laughing]

How much longer
is this strike thing

gonna go on, Drew?
It's been three weeks.

I don't know.

The teamsters won't
deliver merchandise,

the management's
all on the floor,

and right now the
day-care center's

just a big, noisy
closet with a lock on it.

I sure could use
a beer right now.

Hey. I'm working, I'll buy.

Hey, Kate. A couple
beers over here.

I told you, I'm not a waitress,

I'm a busgirl.

Kate, when did you
start working here?

Wait. Let me try to remember.

Was it before I got
my rent overdue notice

or after my cat left
me for a bag lady?

O'Brien, I didn't hire you
to chat with your buddies.

If you don't get it in gear

and clean the
crap off the tables,

you're out of here.

It won't happen again.

I'll get on the
tables right away.

[indistinct chatter]

That's it. This has
gone on long enough.

Kate, I'm so sorry.

I don't know how can I
be on the side of people

that have reduced
my friends to this?

I'm killing myself

trying to keep the store running

with a skeleton crew
just so the company

can make a few bucks.

I'm going on strike.

What?

That's right.

Tomorrow morning
I'm on that picket line.

When you're out there

holding that sign in the slush,

I'll be there right next to you.

I don't care if I
run out of money,

I don't care if I
run out of food.

I am not going
back to that office

as long as there's
decent people like you

fighting for what
they believe in.

As far as I'm concerned,

management can just go to hell.

Hey, drinks on me!

The strike's over! We won!

[cheering]

[applauding]
Whoo!

Yeah, baby!

Whoo! Whoo!

Alright! Whoo!

We won!

Whoo!

Whoo...

Pretty dark there for a while,

wasn't it, Kate?

Hug?

Tip?

[instrumental music]

Merry Christmas!

- Hi.
- Hey.

Hey, Oswald,
what's with the outfit?

Well, I got used to
having a steady paycheck,

so I spent all day
interviewing for another job.

Global Parcel hired me
for the Christmas rush.

This is for you.

Thanks.

And this is for you.

And this is for you.

Thanks, Oswald,

but, um, these are
addressed to other people.

Nah. Those are
all undeliverable,

so the employees get 'em.

See, you can't tell
if that's a three or a five.

It's a five.

Hey, you want your
Christmas present or not?

[watch beeps]

Oh, listen, guys, I'm sorry.

I have to ask you to leave.

I got so far behind
during the strike,

I got paperwork up to my ears.

Okay.

You want us to
help you clean up?

No. But thanks for the gifts.

Hey, you bet.

- Thanks.
- See you later, man.

See you later.

[rustling]

[music plays]

♪ I'm gonna love you,
love you, love you ♪

♪ Just a little more, baby ♪

♪ I'm gonna need you,
need you, need you ♪

♪ Every day ♪

♪ I'm gonna love you,
love you, love you ♪

♪ Just a little more, baby ♪

♪ I'm gonna need you,
need you, need you ♪

♪ Every way ♪

[humming]

♪ Love you, love you, love you ♪

♪ Night and day ♪

♪ I'm gonna love you,
love you, love you ♪

♪ Night and day ♪

- Hey.
- Hey.

Right on time. Drew,
what are you doing?

You remember. You
and me, pool table.

That little strike
got in our way,

but now i'm all chalked up,

and I'll break.

Well, you're not serious, right?

But you said, uh...

Yeah, but I was joking.

[chuckles]
I thought I was coming
over for dinner.

Hey, I would never have come

if I thought this is
what you had in mind.

It's a pool table, Drew.

Oh, God. Oh, my God.

What did you expect,

me to come over in
something like this?

Well, you get the idea, anyway.

It's December.

It's cold as hell out here.

Brr.

♪ Five golden rings ♪

♪ Four calling birds ♪

♪ Three French hens ♪

♪ Two turtledoves ♪

♪ And a partridge
in a pear tree ♪

You kids know any Barry White?

♪ I'm gonna love you,
love you, love you ♪

♪ Just a little more ♪

Somehow it's not the same.