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1
00:00:01,500 --> 00:00:06,587
[Singing Funkytown]
2
00:00:09,344 --> 00:00:10,929
[knocking on door]
3
00:00:13,723 --> 00:00:14,933
Hey, Drew.
4
00:00:15,016 --> 00:00:16,267
Lisa.
5
00:00:16,351 --> 00:00:18,019
You know you're not
supposed to be over here.
6
00:00:18,102 --> 00:00:19,896
Relax. I know the rules.
7
00:00:19,979 --> 00:00:21,898
We can't date, you're my boss,
8
00:00:21,981 --> 00:00:24,025
people can see us.
Everything's cool.
9
00:00:24,108 --> 00:00:27,362
Okay, as long as you know it's
completely wrong and unacceptable,
10
00:00:27,445 --> 00:00:28,446
come on in.
11
00:00:33,117 --> 00:00:35,328
Wow.
12
00:00:35,411 --> 00:00:38,331
What beautiful taste
your mother had.
13
00:00:38,414 --> 00:00:40,542
Yeah, I sleep upstairs
in a big race car.
14
00:00:40,625 --> 00:00:44,212
So, uh, why are you here?
15
00:00:44,295 --> 00:00:46,214
I brought over your invitation
16
00:00:46,297 --> 00:00:47,757
to the office Christmas party.
17
00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:49,884
Yeah, you couldn't just
give this to me at work?
18
00:00:49,968 --> 00:00:52,053
You said we couldn't
see each other at work.
19
00:00:52,136 --> 00:00:53,972
Oh, okay, so you're doing
everything I say now?
20
00:00:54,055 --> 00:00:57,016
Well, it's not quite
that easy, Drew.
21
00:00:57,100 --> 00:00:59,519
Okay, well, in that case,
you need a better reason.
22
00:00:59,602 --> 00:01:01,938
You left your
jacket at my place.
23
00:01:02,021 --> 00:01:03,064
That's not my jacket,
24
00:01:03,147 --> 00:01:04,983
and I've never
been to your place.
25
00:01:06,025 --> 00:01:07,402
Then you left your purse?
26
00:01:07,485 --> 00:01:09,654
Give me that.
This isn't my purse.
27
00:01:10,738 --> 00:01:11,656
This is my money.
28
00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:14,409
Hey!
29
00:01:14,492 --> 00:01:15,743
I just wanted to talk.
30
00:01:15,827 --> 00:01:16,744
How about a beer?
31
00:01:16,828 --> 00:01:18,162
Oh, it's kind of embarrassing.
32
00:01:18,246 --> 00:01:20,081
I really wasn't
expecting anybody.
33
00:01:20,164 --> 00:01:23,126
All I have is Coors,
Budweiser, Miller,
34
00:01:23,209 --> 00:01:26,462
Amstel Light, Heineken,
Red Dog, Red Tail.
35
00:01:26,546 --> 00:01:27,589
Oops.
36
00:01:27,672 --> 00:01:29,090
Only half a Bud.
37
00:01:29,114 --> 00:01:31,114
[laughs]
38
00:01:31,634 --> 00:01:34,596
Oh, God, Drew.
39
00:01:34,679 --> 00:01:36,764
This is so crazy.
40
00:01:36,848 --> 00:01:39,767
Here I am, enjoying
your company,
41
00:01:39,851 --> 00:01:41,102
and I feel like some criminal
42
00:01:41,185 --> 00:01:44,022
who has to sneak over
in the middle of the night.
43
00:01:44,105 --> 00:01:47,785
Isn't there some way we can
move this relationship forward?
44
00:01:47,943 --> 00:01:48,764
[chuckles]
45
00:01:48,790 --> 00:01:51,030
Yeah. Not with half a beer.
46
00:01:51,654 --> 00:01:52,947
Come on. We're young.
47
00:01:53,031 --> 00:01:54,282
I'm attractive.
48
00:01:54,365 --> 00:01:55,950
X-Files is over.
49
00:01:56,034 --> 00:01:57,410
What's stopping us?
50
00:01:57,493 --> 00:02:01,080
How about a little
show called 20/20?
51
00:02:01,164 --> 00:02:03,041
Look, you know how
bad I want to be with you,
52
00:02:03,124 --> 00:02:05,209
but I worked ten
years at this company
53
00:02:05,293 --> 00:02:07,295
to get from here to here.
Well, you know, here.
54
00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:08,522
[chuckling]
55
00:02:08,546 --> 00:02:09,756
I can't risk losing it.
56
00:02:09,839 --> 00:02:12,842
Alright, big guy. I give up.
57
00:02:12,925 --> 00:02:15,303
I'll see you tomorrow at work.
58
00:02:15,386 --> 00:02:16,304
Well, wait.
59
00:02:16,387 --> 00:02:19,849
You, uh...
60
00:02:19,932 --> 00:02:21,684
you left your
jacket at my place.
61
00:02:23,311 --> 00:02:25,313
[Lisa screams]
62
00:02:25,396 --> 00:02:27,190
Please tell me
that was a climax.
63
00:02:28,941 --> 00:02:31,277
[Lisa]
Oh, God. It's just Kate.
64
00:02:35,740 --> 00:02:36,658
What are you doing out there?
65
00:02:36,741 --> 00:02:38,368
Sorry. I saw two people kissing,
66
00:02:38,451 --> 00:02:40,370
and I thought I was
at the wrong house.
67
00:02:40,453 --> 00:02:44,040
You see that? And Kate just
happened to be walking by.
68
00:02:44,123 --> 00:02:45,792
Who knows who else
could've been out there?
69
00:02:45,875 --> 00:02:46,793
[Oswald sneezes]
70
00:02:46,876 --> 00:02:48,878
[Lewis]
God bless you.
71
00:02:48,961 --> 00:02:50,004
Alright, who
else is out there?
72
00:02:50,088 --> 00:02:51,172
Nobody.
73
00:02:51,255 --> 00:02:53,508
Okay. Who wants a beer?
74
00:02:55,551 --> 00:02:57,136
How about you, Jules?
75
00:02:57,220 --> 00:02:59,972
[Jules]
No, thanks. How
about you, Millie?
76
00:03:00,773 --> 00:03:01,908
[theme song]
77
00:03:01,933 --> 00:03:05,937
♪ Moon over Parma bring
my love to me tonight ♪
78
00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:10,108
♪ Guide her to Cleveland
underneath your silvery light ♪
79
00:03:10,191 --> 00:03:11,901
♪ We're goin' bowlin' ♪
80
00:03:11,984 --> 00:03:14,112
♪ So don't lose her in Solon ♪
81
00:03:14,195 --> 00:03:16,698
♪ Moon over Parma tonight ♪
82
00:03:20,513 --> 00:03:22,513
[instrumental music]
83
00:03:24,038 --> 00:03:25,039
Who hasn't picked
their secret Santa
84
00:03:25,123 --> 00:03:27,250
to see who they're
giving a gift to?
85
00:03:27,333 --> 00:03:29,210
There's only a few left.
86
00:03:33,005 --> 00:03:34,590
Oh, perfect.
87
00:03:34,674 --> 00:03:36,843
Oh, no, not you!
88
00:03:38,761 --> 00:03:42,098
Uh, so, Mimi, what
are you allergic to?
89
00:03:44,934 --> 00:03:46,477
Diamonds.
90
00:03:47,816 --> 00:03:49,816
[both chuckle]
91
00:03:50,815 --> 00:03:52,275
She stuffed the
box. I got Mimi, too.
92
00:03:52,358 --> 00:03:54,485
There's a Mimi 2?
93
00:03:54,569 --> 00:03:55,570
How come they're
always making sequels
94
00:03:55,653 --> 00:03:56,612
to things I don't like?
95
00:03:56,696 --> 00:03:57,864
- Hey, buddy.
- Hey.
96
00:03:57,947 --> 00:03:59,615
Hey. What are you
guys doing here?
97
00:03:59,699 --> 00:04:01,576
Oh, getting a jump on
our holiday shopping.
98
00:04:01,659 --> 00:04:02,577
We made up a list of things
99
00:04:02,660 --> 00:04:03,911
we want you to buy
at the store for us
100
00:04:03,995 --> 00:04:06,205
with your company discount.
101
00:04:06,289 --> 00:04:07,582
We found some things for you
102
00:04:07,665 --> 00:04:08,916
you are really gonna love.
103
00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:09,917
Yeah, right there.
104
00:04:10,001 --> 00:04:11,753
[Both]
Oh, yeah.
105
00:04:11,836 --> 00:04:13,588
Wait a minute.
106
00:04:13,671 --> 00:04:15,089
I got to buy my
own Christmas gifts?
107
00:04:15,173 --> 00:04:16,299
Relax. We'll pay you back.
108
00:04:16,382 --> 00:04:17,383
With what?
109
00:04:17,467 --> 00:04:18,468
Everyone's getting
110
00:04:18,551 --> 00:04:20,344
big fat Christmas bonuses
down at my company.
111
00:04:20,428 --> 00:04:21,596
You know, for
the first time ever,
112
00:04:21,679 --> 00:04:23,598
DrugCo isn't being
sued for selling products
113
00:04:23,681 --> 00:04:25,141
that cause
disabling side effects
114
00:04:25,224 --> 00:04:26,434
or premature death.
115
00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:28,603
Proud?
116
00:04:28,686 --> 00:04:30,313
Damn right, we're proud.
117
00:04:32,231 --> 00:04:33,149
So having a second row of teeth
118
00:04:33,232 --> 00:04:36,152
is no longer
considered a side effect?
119
00:04:36,235 --> 00:04:38,279
So, Drew, am I your date again
120
00:04:38,362 --> 00:04:39,530
for the Christmas party Friday?
121
00:04:39,614 --> 00:04:40,782
No. Now that you work here,
122
00:04:40,865 --> 00:04:43,659
I can't tell everybody
you're my girlfriend anymore.
123
00:04:43,743 --> 00:04:45,161
It's about time, Drew.
124
00:04:45,244 --> 00:04:47,580
It's kind of sad
you're always taking
125
00:04:47,663 --> 00:04:48,915
your friends as dates.
126
00:04:48,998 --> 00:04:51,167
Lewis, you want
to go to a party?
127
00:04:51,250 --> 00:04:53,920
Only if you call me Julio.
128
00:04:55,296 --> 00:04:57,006
So, I guess you'll
be needing someone
129
00:04:57,089 --> 00:04:58,674
to spin some holiday tunes
130
00:04:58,758 --> 00:05:03,346
on this, the most
magical of all seasons.
131
00:05:03,429 --> 00:05:05,223
Will you work for $20?
132
00:05:05,306 --> 00:05:06,682
Will you pay me
in cash all at once
133
00:05:06,766 --> 00:05:07,934
so it looks like something?
134
00:05:08,017 --> 00:05:09,185
Will you wear a tie so
you look like something?
135
00:05:09,268 --> 00:05:10,686
Deal.
136
00:05:10,770 --> 00:05:12,980
Hey, I get to go to
a Christmas party!
137
00:05:13,064 --> 00:05:14,106
- Hey!
- Oh, ho ho!
138
00:05:14,190 --> 00:05:15,858
So, do those things
get pretty wild?
139
00:05:15,942 --> 00:05:16,818
Wild?
140
00:05:16,901 --> 00:05:18,236
They're insane.
141
00:05:18,319 --> 00:05:19,237
There's always some couple
142
00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:20,238
locked in the bathroom
143
00:05:20,321 --> 00:05:22,490
going at it, while outside...
144
00:05:22,573 --> 00:05:23,407
actually, I don't know
145
00:05:23,491 --> 00:05:25,159
what goes on outside.
146
00:05:26,285 --> 00:05:27,411
Drew, I just got a call
147
00:05:27,495 --> 00:05:28,996
from Mrs. Louder's secretary.
148
00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:30,164
Mrs. Louder wants you
149
00:05:30,248 --> 00:05:31,541
to have lunch with her...
150
00:05:32,917 --> 00:05:33,835
Tomorrow afternoon
151
00:05:33,918 --> 00:05:35,586
upstairs in the Crystal Room.
152
00:05:36,754 --> 00:05:37,797
What?
153
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:39,423
Is that Mrs. Louder as
in the Winfred-Louder
154
00:05:39,507 --> 00:05:40,424
department store?
155
00:05:40,508 --> 00:05:41,801
Yeah, it's Louder's widow.
156
00:05:41,884 --> 00:05:44,053
[chuckles]
Gee, I wonder how he died.
157
00:05:44,136 --> 00:05:45,555
I need an ambulance right away.
158
00:05:45,638 --> 00:05:47,056
Well, what's the name? Louder.
159
00:05:47,139 --> 00:05:48,683
What's the name? Louder.
160
00:05:48,766 --> 00:05:50,309
What's the name?! Louder.
161
00:05:53,437 --> 00:05:56,482
He died waiting
for a liver transplant.
162
00:05:56,566 --> 00:05:58,526
Who's that liver for? Louder.
163
00:05:58,609 --> 00:06:00,903
Who's the liver for?! Louder!
164
00:06:00,987 --> 00:06:02,280
Who's the liver for?!
165
00:06:02,363 --> 00:06:04,657
Ah, never mind. He's dead.
166
00:06:04,740 --> 00:06:05,908
Wait, wait. Here's his wife
167
00:06:05,992 --> 00:06:07,577
asking him to
turn up the stereo.
168
00:06:07,660 --> 00:06:08,744
"Turn up the stereo."
169
00:06:08,828 --> 00:06:10,079
"Oh, you want it louder?"
170
00:06:10,162 --> 00:06:11,247
"Yes!"
171
00:06:11,330 --> 00:06:13,749
And then he says it,
like, a bunch of times,
172
00:06:13,833 --> 00:06:15,042
and everybody laughs.
173
00:06:15,126 --> 00:06:16,878
No?
174
00:06:16,961 --> 00:06:19,714
- That's okay. Maybe next time.
- Alright.
175
00:06:20,965 --> 00:06:22,633
Man, I wonder what
she wants me for.
176
00:06:22,717 --> 00:06:23,843
Maybe she's looking for someone
177
00:06:23,926 --> 00:06:26,429
to inherit the store,
and she picked you.
178
00:06:26,512 --> 00:06:27,972
Yeah.
179
00:06:28,055 --> 00:06:30,349
That's probably possibility
number one million.
180
00:06:30,433 --> 00:06:31,517
Wonder what else it could be?
181
00:06:31,601 --> 00:06:32,685
She's really rich.
182
00:06:32,768 --> 00:06:33,853
Maybe she wants to send you
183
00:06:33,936 --> 00:06:36,397
off in the wilderness
and hunt you for sport.
184
00:06:37,523 --> 00:06:40,568
Well, see, now we're
getting somewhere.
185
00:06:40,651 --> 00:06:41,569
Have you done anything wrong?
186
00:06:41,652 --> 00:06:42,904
Maybe she wants to fire you.
187
00:06:42,987 --> 00:06:43,821
Fire me?
188
00:06:43,905 --> 00:06:46,032
But I-I'm a model employee.
189
00:06:46,115 --> 00:06:48,117
Well, maybe you said something.
190
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,828
You know, uh...
these stores have bugs
191
00:06:50,912 --> 00:06:52,830
and microphones everywhere.
192
00:06:54,957 --> 00:06:56,834
Why, that's ridiculous.
193
00:06:56,918 --> 00:06:58,127
Someone as beautiful
as Mrs. Louder
194
00:06:58,210 --> 00:06:59,128
has better things to do
195
00:06:59,211 --> 00:07:01,255
than to bug her employees.
196
00:07:03,049 --> 00:07:05,259
"I stole pens. Tons of pens."
197
00:07:09,764 --> 00:07:11,349
"Shut up, Oswald."
198
00:07:12,898 --> 00:07:15,898
[instrumental music]
199
00:07:19,857 --> 00:07:23,361
Dear pizza, I do not
care or give a whit
200
00:07:23,444 --> 00:07:26,447
that you are one day old.
201
00:07:26,530 --> 00:07:29,909
I think you are beautiful.
Even when you're cold.
202
00:07:33,955 --> 00:07:35,373
[Christmas music playing]
203
00:07:36,791 --> 00:07:37,959
What the hell is going on?
204
00:07:38,042 --> 00:07:40,878
[dogs barking Jingle Bells]
205
00:07:42,171 --> 00:07:43,381
Jules!
206
00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:48,761
[dog barking]
207
00:07:51,305 --> 00:07:52,306
Jules!
208
00:07:56,519 --> 00:07:58,938
[barking continues]
209
00:08:03,401 --> 00:08:04,360
Hey, Drew.
210
00:08:04,443 --> 00:08:06,404
Feliz Navidad.
211
00:08:07,613 --> 00:08:09,156
Jules, turn down the lights.
212
00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:10,282
Oh, come on, Drew.
213
00:08:10,366 --> 00:08:11,701
Where's your Christmas spirit?
214
00:08:11,784 --> 00:08:14,245
It's more than a
month till Christmas.
215
00:08:14,328 --> 00:08:16,414
That's why I haven't
put all the lights in yet.
216
00:08:19,333 --> 00:08:22,169
Oh, uh, don't look
directly at the baby Jesus.
217
00:08:22,253 --> 00:08:24,255
You'll go blind.
218
00:08:24,338 --> 00:08:26,048
Oh, my God. What are
you gonna use him for,
219
00:08:26,132 --> 00:08:27,299
signal an aircraft?
220
00:08:28,759 --> 00:08:29,677
Hey, what do you
have Santa Claus
221
00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:30,970
up there in the manger for?
222
00:08:31,053 --> 00:08:33,055
He's got nothing
to do with nothing.
223
00:08:33,139 --> 00:08:35,891
Who is he, Mary's lamaze coach?
224
00:08:35,975 --> 00:08:38,185
Hey, I'm just trying
to win the contest
225
00:08:38,269 --> 00:08:40,187
for the brightest
Christmas display.
226
00:08:40,271 --> 00:08:41,188
What contest?
227
00:08:41,272 --> 00:08:42,690
From the power company.
228
00:08:42,773 --> 00:08:45,526
Winner gets $50
off his next bill.
229
00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:47,361
Oh, yeah, great thinking, Jules.
230
00:08:47,445 --> 00:08:48,362
You know, if you
cut your legs off,
231
00:08:48,446 --> 00:08:49,989
you can park anywhere for free.
232
00:08:51,824 --> 00:08:53,117
I need my sleep.
233
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,285
I got a big meeting
with the owner
234
00:08:54,368 --> 00:08:55,286
of my company tomorrow.
235
00:08:55,369 --> 00:08:56,579
Now turn off the
lights and the dogs,
236
00:08:56,662 --> 00:08:57,621
or I'm gonna call the cops.
237
00:08:57,705 --> 00:08:58,914
Go ahead, call 'em.
238
00:08:58,998 --> 00:09:01,292
We ain't doing anything illegal.
239
00:09:01,375 --> 00:09:03,669
Be kind of stupid
under all this light.
240
00:09:05,171 --> 00:09:07,548
Ah, whoever turned
that off, thank you.
241
00:09:07,631 --> 00:09:11,969
Actually, the
blinkers just kicked in.
242
00:09:14,430 --> 00:09:16,390
[imitates dogs
barking jingle bells]
243
00:09:18,636 --> 00:09:20,636
[instrumental music]
244
00:09:21,645 --> 00:09:23,022
Okay.
245
00:09:23,105 --> 00:09:25,024
Don't be nervous, Drew.
Everything's gonna go great.
246
00:09:25,107 --> 00:09:26,317
Yeah, but what does she want?
247
00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:27,318
What am I gonna
talk to her about?
248
00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:28,402
She's 80.
249
00:09:28,486 --> 00:09:32,990
Well, that's not so old,
compared to, say, the ocean.
250
00:09:33,074 --> 00:09:34,408
Just make small talk.
251
00:09:34,492 --> 00:09:35,743
Yeah, about what?
252
00:09:35,826 --> 00:09:37,161
I don't know.
253
00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:38,996
You'll talk about
your first Christmas,
254
00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:42,416
and she'll talk about
the first Christmas.
255
00:09:42,500 --> 00:09:44,085
Good luck, Drew. Break a hip.
256
00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:47,421
Hi. I'm Drew Carey.
257
00:09:47,505 --> 00:09:49,090
I'm here to see Mrs. Louder.
258
00:09:49,173 --> 00:09:52,259
[sighs]
She's right over there.
259
00:09:52,343 --> 00:09:55,096
Look, uh, you probably
see her every day.
260
00:09:55,179 --> 00:09:56,472
Do you have any advice?
261
00:09:56,555 --> 00:09:59,725
Well, if she likes
you, you're gold.
262
00:09:59,809 --> 00:10:01,811
If she doesn't like
you... I'm Mike.
263
00:10:01,894 --> 00:10:03,395
We'll be working together.
264
00:10:05,689 --> 00:10:07,024
Thank you.
265
00:10:10,111 --> 00:10:11,278
Mrs. Louder?
266
00:10:11,362 --> 00:10:13,072
Uh, hi. I'm Drew Carey.
267
00:10:13,155 --> 00:10:15,366
Mr. Carey!
268
00:10:17,868 --> 00:10:20,204
Watch it with the
tongue, Mr. Carey.
269
00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:22,180
But I didn't.. Oh!
270
00:10:22,212 --> 00:10:25,212
[chuckles]
Good one. Right back at ya.
271
00:10:25,709 --> 00:10:28,003
I like your look, Mr. Carey.
272
00:10:28,087 --> 00:10:29,463
It's comforting.
273
00:10:29,547 --> 00:10:33,175
It's as if the '50s
never went away.
274
00:10:33,259 --> 00:10:35,469
Well, may I just
say, Mrs. Louder,
275
00:10:35,553 --> 00:10:37,012
with your peaches
and cream complexion,
276
00:10:37,096 --> 00:10:39,140
it's like your 50s
never went away, either.
277
00:10:39,223 --> 00:10:40,057
Aw.
278
00:10:40,141 --> 00:10:44,103
The first butt-kiss of the
day is always the sweetest.
279
00:10:45,229 --> 00:10:47,064
Oh, allow me.
280
00:10:50,025 --> 00:10:52,736
You're one of a dying
breed, Mr. Carey.
281
00:10:52,820 --> 00:10:53,779
So are you.
282
00:11:00,119 --> 00:11:01,245
I mean, uh...
283
00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:02,371
Look, I don't know what to say.
284
00:11:02,454 --> 00:11:03,747
You scare the hell out of me.
285
00:11:03,831 --> 00:11:04,515
[chuckles]
Oh!
286
00:11:04,540 --> 00:11:05,833
If it's about the pens,
I'll pay you back.
287
00:11:05,916 --> 00:11:09,503
Relax, Mr. Carey.
This isn't about pens.
288
00:11:09,587 --> 00:11:11,630
You're here because
I want to offer you
289
00:11:11,714 --> 00:11:13,299
a new position.
290
00:11:14,258 --> 00:11:15,885
Oh, a promotion.
291
00:11:15,968 --> 00:11:17,219
Well, you didn't have to take me
292
00:11:17,303 --> 00:11:18,345
out to lunch personally.
293
00:11:18,429 --> 00:11:19,972
I mean, uh, I know
it's been seven years,
294
00:11:20,055 --> 00:11:21,265
you probably
feel a little guilty.
295
00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:22,349
That's all water
under the bridge.
296
00:11:22,433 --> 00:11:23,350
I'll tell you what.
297
00:11:23,434 --> 00:11:24,685
I'll just eat a little extra.
298
00:11:24,768 --> 00:11:26,312
We'll call it even.
299
00:11:26,395 --> 00:11:27,354
Mr. Carey,
300
00:11:27,438 --> 00:11:30,524
I'd like you to become
my personal assistant.
301
00:11:30,608 --> 00:11:31,984
Head of personnel?
302
00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:34,320
Oh, yeah! I've waited so long!
303
00:11:34,403 --> 00:11:36,906
That's not what I said. I
said personal assistant.
304
00:11:36,989 --> 00:11:38,407
I know what you said! I
just wanted to feel good
305
00:11:38,490 --> 00:11:42,036
for two lousy, stinkin' seconds!
306
00:11:42,953 --> 00:11:44,038
It's a good job.
307
00:11:44,121 --> 00:11:45,748
I know it's not
what you expected,
308
00:11:45,831 --> 00:11:47,833
but if you do this for me,
309
00:11:47,917 --> 00:11:50,044
you'll become head of personnel
310
00:11:50,127 --> 00:11:52,713
faster than you ever imagined.
311
00:11:52,796 --> 00:11:54,548
Well, it sounds great,
312
00:11:54,632 --> 00:11:56,258
but, you know, how could I just
313
00:11:56,342 --> 00:11:57,801
give up my job like that?
314
00:11:57,885 --> 00:12:01,472
You could give up your job
for any number of reasons.
315
00:12:01,555 --> 00:12:05,643
For example, you
could offend Mrs. Louder.
316
00:12:07,811 --> 00:12:10,856
Well, can I at least,
you know, think about it?
317
00:12:10,940 --> 00:12:12,733
You can let me know
when you pick me up
318
00:12:12,816 --> 00:12:13,984
for the Christmas party.
319
00:12:14,068 --> 00:12:15,694
Oh, by the way,
320
00:12:15,778 --> 00:12:19,281
the position pays twice
what you're making now.
321
00:12:22,826 --> 00:12:24,161
Mr. Carey?
322
00:12:24,245 --> 00:12:25,079
Oh, I'm sorry.
323
00:12:25,162 --> 00:12:27,456
I was just, uh, hooking
up my new stereo.
324
00:12:31,543 --> 00:12:34,838
[dogs barking Jingle Bells]
325
00:12:34,922 --> 00:12:36,840
Hey, what are you
people doing here?
326
00:12:36,924 --> 00:12:37,758
What?
327
00:12:37,841 --> 00:12:38,884
This is private property.
328
00:12:38,968 --> 00:12:40,094
Come on, clear out!
329
00:12:40,177 --> 00:12:41,136
Hey, do you see
what's going on here?
330
00:12:41,220 --> 00:12:42,221
Boy, do I?
331
00:12:42,304 --> 00:12:43,555
Look at all these gawkers
332
00:12:43,639 --> 00:12:46,517
fighting for a glimpse
of a glowing reindeer.
333
00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:49,019
They've totally lost touch
with the true meaning
334
00:12:49,103 --> 00:12:50,271
of Christmas.
335
00:12:50,354 --> 00:12:51,897
The pop's three bucks a can.
336
00:12:52,940 --> 00:12:53,899
If you don't like it, tough.
337
00:12:53,983 --> 00:12:56,277
I'm the only game in town.
338
00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:57,194
[sheep bleats]
339
00:12:57,278 --> 00:12:59,196
Oh, good. Livestock.
340
00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:00,823
[Jules]
Hey, Drew!
341
00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:02,574
You got one of my sheep?
342
00:13:02,658 --> 00:13:04,285
Why is there a sheep
in my backyard?
343
00:13:04,368 --> 00:13:06,245
She's part of the
live Nativity scene,
344
00:13:06,328 --> 00:13:07,913
every night till Christmas,
345
00:13:07,997 --> 00:13:10,708
then we shave her and eat her.
346
00:13:13,419 --> 00:13:14,670
Alright, that's
it. Show's over.
347
00:13:14,753 --> 00:13:16,213
Come on, clear
out of here. Let's go!
348
00:13:16,297 --> 00:13:17,381
Alright, that's it!
349
00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:18,549
I'm turning on the sprinklers.
350
00:13:18,632 --> 00:13:19,800
Whoa!
351
00:13:23,160 --> 00:13:24,305
[knock on door]
352
00:13:24,388 --> 00:13:26,724
Oh, now what?
353
00:13:26,807 --> 00:13:28,017
[imitates dogs
barking Jingle Bells]
354
00:13:28,100 --> 00:13:30,311
Oh, great. I'll be
singing that all week.
355
00:13:32,771 --> 00:13:35,104
Drew, are you
really lonely?
356
00:13:35,264 --> 00:13:36,041
Why?
357
00:13:36,066 --> 00:13:39,153
I just saw a herd of sheep
running from your house.
358
00:13:42,823 --> 00:13:44,700
So, Drew, how'd it
go with Mrs. Louder?
359
00:13:44,783 --> 00:13:47,369
She wants one of
your lungs, right?
360
00:13:47,453 --> 00:13:49,788
No.
361
00:13:49,872 --> 00:13:51,165
She put me on the fast track
362
00:13:51,248 --> 00:13:53,125
to being head of personnel.
363
00:13:53,208 --> 00:13:54,918
Wow. What would your title be?
364
00:13:55,002 --> 00:13:56,754
Uh, you know,
personal assistant.
365
00:13:56,837 --> 00:13:59,131
Oh, so it's like
Driving Miss Daisy.
366
00:14:00,632 --> 00:14:03,510
Time to go to the Piggly
Wiggly, Ms. Louder.
367
00:14:03,759 --> 00:14:06,859
[laughing]
368
00:14:07,431 --> 00:14:09,183
No. You guys don't understand.
369
00:14:09,266 --> 00:14:11,477
This is a, like a shortcut
up the corporate ladder.
370
00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:12,478
If I could just suck it up
371
00:14:12,561 --> 00:14:14,021
for a couple of years, I'm in.
372
00:14:14,104 --> 00:14:15,522
And you wanna
know the best part?
373
00:14:15,606 --> 00:14:16,899
I can start dating Lisa.
374
00:14:16,982 --> 00:14:18,025
I mean, this is huge.
375
00:14:18,108 --> 00:14:19,860
Are you sure she's
gonna let you date?
376
00:14:19,943 --> 00:14:20,861
I mean, what if you have
377
00:14:20,944 --> 00:14:21,987
to service the old broad?
378
00:14:22,071 --> 00:14:23,072
Mm-hmm.
379
00:14:27,493 --> 00:14:28,410
Mm-hmm.
380
00:14:28,494 --> 00:14:30,037
A lot of older
women still have sex.
381
00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:32,122
And let me tell you something,
You better be in shape
382
00:14:32,206 --> 00:14:35,292
'cause it takes
them a little longer.
383
00:14:35,376 --> 00:14:36,377
Sometimes they
nap in the middle.
384
00:14:36,460 --> 00:14:37,461
[Kate]
Yeah.
385
00:14:40,339 --> 00:14:41,965
[doorbell rings]
386
00:14:46,387 --> 00:14:48,472
Hey, Drew. Guess what I am?
387
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:53,060
Lawrence of Cleveland.
388
00:14:54,770 --> 00:14:56,313
I'm a wise man.
389
00:14:56,397 --> 00:14:57,356
Any takers?
390
00:14:57,439 --> 00:14:58,440
No.
391
00:14:59,483 --> 00:15:01,402
Oh, this came for you today.
392
00:15:01,485 --> 00:15:02,653
I signed for it.
393
00:15:02,736 --> 00:15:03,946
It came like this.
394
00:15:04,029 --> 00:15:05,280
Oh, yeah, was
there barbecue sauce
395
00:15:05,364 --> 00:15:06,365
all over it, too?
396
00:15:07,366 --> 00:15:08,784
Uh, I better get
back to the manger.
397
00:15:08,867 --> 00:15:10,160
See ya.
398
00:15:12,746 --> 00:15:15,833
It's from Mrs. Louder.
399
00:15:15,916 --> 00:15:17,334
[Oswald]
And there's a note attached.
400
00:15:18,335 --> 00:15:19,837
And it's a dirty note.
401
00:15:22,131 --> 00:15:23,132
Listen to this.
402
00:15:23,215 --> 00:15:26,468
"The penis mightier
than the sword."
403
00:15:29,930 --> 00:15:31,598
Give me that.
404
00:15:31,682 --> 00:15:33,767
That's pen is, you moron.
405
00:15:40,149 --> 00:15:43,193
"This particular pen
belonged to Mr. Louder.
406
00:15:43,277 --> 00:15:45,779
"I see in you many of
the qualities I saw in him.
407
00:15:45,863 --> 00:15:48,282
Welcome aboard. Love, Dottie."
408
00:15:48,365 --> 00:15:49,491
Oh, yeah.
409
00:15:49,575 --> 00:15:51,743
She wants some Drew Carey bad.
410
00:15:53,036 --> 00:15:55,581
You know, this is really class.
411
00:15:55,664 --> 00:15:56,999
I mean, why wouldn't
I take this job?
412
00:15:57,082 --> 00:16:00,586
It's good pay, good
future, good pen.
413
00:16:00,669 --> 00:16:02,045
And good luck saying no,
414
00:16:02,129 --> 00:16:04,548
'cause if I don't take the
job, she's gonna fire me.
415
00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:07,050
Wow. She's really
got you by the pen is.
416
00:16:11,805 --> 00:16:13,307
[imitating radio DJ]
Oh, yeah.
417
00:16:13,390 --> 00:16:15,851
And now at number 15 in the
Christmas top 20 countdown
418
00:16:15,934 --> 00:16:18,562
for the 142nd straight year,
419
00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:21,315
Hark, The Herald Angels Sing.
420
00:16:21,398 --> 00:16:24,026
And, ooh, baby, do they sing.
421
00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:27,946
Man, what a bash.
422
00:16:28,030 --> 00:16:29,823
Hey, thanks for
inviting me, Kate.
423
00:16:29,907 --> 00:16:30,824
You know, I never
go to the DrugCo
424
00:16:30,908 --> 00:16:32,117
Christmas parties anymore.
425
00:16:32,201 --> 00:16:34,870
I mean, the punch is good,
but, uh, made me invisible.
426
00:16:36,246 --> 00:16:38,123
Who said that? I don't know.
427
00:16:38,207 --> 00:16:39,208
Ho-ho-ho!
428
00:16:39,291 --> 00:16:42,044
Oh, man, would
you look at Mr. Bell?
429
00:16:42,127 --> 00:16:43,086
Some Santa claus.
430
00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:44,213
He knows when you've been
431
00:16:44,296 --> 00:16:45,214
sleeping, alright,
432
00:16:45,297 --> 00:16:46,215
'cause that's when he gets up
433
00:16:46,298 --> 00:16:47,841
and makes a dash for his car.
434
00:16:47,925 --> 00:16:52,346
Hey, look who's here.
"Harold and Maude."
435
00:16:52,429 --> 00:16:54,431
Wow. The things you can
learn at a board meeting.
436
00:16:54,515 --> 00:16:56,475
You really can cheat the
government out of everything.
437
00:16:56,558 --> 00:16:57,518
And it really is
only just suckers
438
00:16:57,601 --> 00:16:58,644
like me that pay taxes.
439
00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:02,022
Drew, you're doing splendidly.
440
00:17:02,105 --> 00:17:04,900
If you keep up the
good work, I might even
441
00:17:04,983 --> 00:17:06,235
let you see Mr. Louder's
442
00:17:06,318 --> 00:17:08,779
cryogenically frozen head.
443
00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:10,405
I knew it!
444
00:17:10,489 --> 00:17:13,116
That's just a joke, sweetie.
445
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:15,661
I told him I'd do
it, but I never did.
446
00:17:15,744 --> 00:17:18,580
Merry Christmas, Drew.
447
00:17:18,664 --> 00:17:21,917
Mrs. Louder, it's a great
pleasure to meet you.
448
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:23,502
I'm Mimi Bobek.
449
00:17:23,585 --> 00:17:24,628
Oh, Mimi, guess what?
450
00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:26,255
I'm working for Mrs. Louder now.
451
00:17:27,214 --> 00:17:28,298
You are?
452
00:17:28,382 --> 00:17:30,759
Yeah. Let's see what
my secret Santa gave me.
453
00:17:30,842 --> 00:17:33,845
No! I mean... oh,
I've made a mistake.
454
00:17:33,929 --> 00:17:36,598
I must've buried your gift.
455
00:17:36,682 --> 00:17:39,393
Oh, this is a squirrel
I hit last March.
456
00:17:42,896 --> 00:17:44,815
Uh, your present's over
there underneath the tree.
457
00:17:44,898 --> 00:17:46,984
My neighbor's sheep made it.
458
00:17:48,902 --> 00:17:50,904
Mrs. Louder, they're
waiting for you
459
00:17:50,988 --> 00:17:51,905
in the Crystal Room.
460
00:17:51,989 --> 00:17:53,115
Oh, thank you,
I'll be right there.
461
00:17:53,198 --> 00:17:55,784
If you'll excuse me
for a little while, Drew,
462
00:17:55,867 --> 00:17:57,911
the board is about to exchange
463
00:17:57,995 --> 00:18:00,080
their own secret Santa gifts.
464
00:18:00,163 --> 00:18:01,769
Just, uh...
465
00:18:02,499 --> 00:18:04,001
don't give me away to anybody.
466
00:18:04,084 --> 00:18:05,877
Oh, you little devil!
467
00:18:07,796 --> 00:18:11,425
So, word has it you're
sweatin' to the oldies.
468
00:18:11,508 --> 00:18:12,926
What?
469
00:18:13,010 --> 00:18:15,429
Mimi's spreading it around
that you're Mrs. Louder's
470
00:18:15,512 --> 00:18:16,680
new boy toy.
471
00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:17,973
Oh, yeah?
472
00:18:18,056 --> 00:18:21,101
Would, uh, Mrs.
Louder's boy toy do this?
473
00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:27,316
Hey... what about
all your stupid rules?
474
00:18:27,399 --> 00:18:29,192
I'm not management anymore.
475
00:18:29,276 --> 00:18:31,445
Hey, everybody, look
at me! I got a girlfriend!
476
00:18:31,469 --> 00:18:33,469
[all cheer]
477
00:18:34,197 --> 00:18:36,491
Aw, gee, Drew, what a
lousy time to tell you I'm gay.
478
00:18:36,575 --> 00:18:37,993
She's not very funny,
479
00:18:38,076 --> 00:18:39,661
but she's the best I'm gonna do.
480
00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:43,707
You know, uh,
this is the first time
481
00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:45,042
I'm not really jealous
of all those people
482
00:18:45,125 --> 00:18:46,126
locked in the bathrooms.
483
00:18:46,209 --> 00:18:49,379
Aw, you've been locked
inside your share of bathrooms.
484
00:18:49,463 --> 00:18:51,590
Well, maybe at home.
485
00:18:51,673 --> 00:18:53,884
You mean, uh, you've never?
486
00:18:53,967 --> 00:18:55,260
No.
487
00:18:55,344 --> 00:18:58,055
Well, uh, you wanna?
488
00:19:00,557 --> 00:19:01,808
Yeah.
489
00:19:01,892 --> 00:19:02,809
Sure, okay.
490
00:19:02,893 --> 00:19:04,269
Come on.
491
00:19:06,688 --> 00:19:08,880
Uh, we are talking
about sex, right?
492
00:19:08,905 --> 00:19:10,189
[laughs]
493
00:19:10,214 --> 00:19:11,610
Excuse me.
494
00:19:11,693 --> 00:19:13,403
Uh, have you seen Drew?
495
00:19:13,487 --> 00:19:15,113
I left some gifts in the car,
496
00:19:15,197 --> 00:19:16,490
and I need him to help me.
497
00:19:16,573 --> 00:19:18,992
Uh, no, but I'd be
happy to help you.
498
00:19:19,076 --> 00:19:20,911
I'm Kate O'Brien.
499
00:19:20,994 --> 00:19:22,996
And, by the way, let me tell you
500
00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:26,041
what a pleasure it is to meet
a fellow businesswoman,
501
00:19:26,124 --> 00:19:28,001
someone who's broken
through the glass ceiling
502
00:19:28,085 --> 00:19:31,254
and showered the rest of
us with the pointy shards
503
00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:32,339
of her success.
504
00:19:36,968 --> 00:19:38,011
Can you see me?
505
00:19:42,599 --> 00:19:43,600
Listen, kids.
506
00:19:45,185 --> 00:19:47,813
kids, there's some
free cabs downstairs.
507
00:19:47,896 --> 00:19:48,814
Help yourselves.
508
00:19:48,897 --> 00:19:50,440
Free cabs?
509
00:19:50,524 --> 00:19:51,441
Well, merry Christmas
510
00:19:51,525 --> 00:19:53,360
to you, too, Mrs. Louder.
511
00:19:54,403 --> 00:19:56,947
Listen, there's no smoking here.
512
00:19:57,030 --> 00:19:59,950
Bell's office has a window
that opens. Come on.
513
00:20:02,510 --> 00:20:03,570
[woman giggling]
514
00:20:03,595 --> 00:20:04,576
[shushing]
515
00:20:05,997 --> 00:20:07,332
Thank you, Santa.
516
00:20:07,416 --> 00:20:10,460
Pardon me, Mrs. Louder.
517
00:20:10,544 --> 00:20:12,129
I think I found Drew.
518
00:20:12,212 --> 00:20:14,005
He's in Mr. Bell's office.
519
00:20:14,089 --> 00:20:15,632
Oh, thank you.
520
00:20:19,177 --> 00:20:20,178
Bell!
521
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:25,100
Mrs. Louder, I...
I-I-I can explain.
522
00:20:25,183 --> 00:20:26,184
Jerry, I'm shocked.
523
00:20:26,268 --> 00:20:28,186
This is a family business.
524
00:20:28,270 --> 00:20:30,230
Uh, can we please
525
00:20:30,313 --> 00:20:31,481
talk about this in private?
526
00:20:31,565 --> 00:20:34,317
Fine, but i'm not
going in there.
527
00:20:34,401 --> 00:20:35,652
Uh...
528
00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:43,952
[Drew gasps]
529
00:20:44,035 --> 00:20:45,120
Drew!
530
00:20:45,203 --> 00:20:46,121
Carey?
531
00:20:46,204 --> 00:20:47,205
Santa?
532
00:20:50,834 --> 00:20:52,085
Ho-ho-ho!
533
00:20:52,169 --> 00:20:53,795
Be sure to check out
our toy department
534
00:20:53,879 --> 00:20:56,548
where this afternoon
everything is 10% off.
535
00:20:56,631 --> 00:20:58,592
Right, Trixie?
536
00:20:58,675 --> 00:21:01,344
That's right, Mr. Claus.
537
00:21:03,722 --> 00:21:05,599
Santa pig.
538
00:21:07,017 --> 00:21:08,185
Devil elf.
539
00:21:10,187 --> 00:21:11,646
Oh, boo hoo.
540
00:21:11,730 --> 00:21:13,523
So louder kicked you
back to your cubicle.
541
00:21:13,607 --> 00:21:14,733
I didn't do anything,
542
00:21:14,816 --> 00:21:17,110
and I'm stuck here
every lunch till Christmas.
543
00:21:17,194 --> 00:21:18,570
Oh, give me a break.
544
00:21:18,653 --> 00:21:19,613
You're lucky
Bell didn't fire you
545
00:21:19,696 --> 00:21:20,697
for getting him in trouble.
546
00:21:20,781 --> 00:21:23,116
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
547
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:24,659
Hey, the room was dark.
548
00:21:24,743 --> 00:21:26,787
I saw a fat man striking
out with a woman.
549
00:21:26,870 --> 00:21:28,330
I assumed it was you.
550
00:21:29,831 --> 00:21:31,541
Uh, excuse me,
but aren't the elves
551
00:21:31,625 --> 00:21:34,002
supposed to be
smaller than Santa?
552
00:21:42,052 --> 00:21:43,094
Here you go, merry Christmas.
553
00:21:43,178 --> 00:21:44,554
Here you go.
554
00:21:46,681 --> 00:21:49,392
Hey.
555
00:21:49,476 --> 00:21:50,727
Hey.
556
00:21:53,021 --> 00:21:55,482
It was worth it, wasn't it?
557
00:21:55,565 --> 00:21:56,691
Oh, yeah.
558
00:21:56,775 --> 00:21:57,776
Sure was.
559
00:21:57,800 --> 00:21:59,800
[laughs]
560
00:22:00,612 --> 00:22:02,197
Uh, same time next year?
561
00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:03,490
Yeah.
562
00:22:03,573 --> 00:22:04,491
Same place?
563
00:22:04,574 --> 00:22:06,576
No.
564
00:22:10,205 --> 00:22:12,916
You sure Mrs. Louder
won't mind us doing this?
565
00:22:12,999 --> 00:22:15,252
Hey, she said free
cab rides home.
566
00:22:15,335 --> 00:22:17,420
And she didn't say what
route we had to take.
567
00:22:19,005 --> 00:22:20,549
Chicago sure was fun.
568
00:22:20,632 --> 00:22:22,342
Mm-hmm.
569
00:22:22,425 --> 00:22:24,594
I really enjoyed Phantom.
570
00:22:24,678 --> 00:22:26,972
Hmm, I think the
cabbie did, too.
571
00:22:30,267 --> 00:22:32,352
It's kinda cold here, though.
572
00:22:32,435 --> 00:22:36,022
I think it might be a
little warmer down south,
573
00:22:36,106 --> 00:22:39,025
uh, right around Graceland.
574
00:22:40,110 --> 00:22:41,027
[Oswald]
Graceland!
36344
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