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(Ztranskrybowane przez TurboScribe.ai. Przejdź na Nielimitowany, aby usunąć tę wiadomość.) I'm going down south, I'm gonna have myself
a time.
Friendly faces everywhere, humble folks without temptation.
I'm going down south, I'm gonna leave my
world behind.
And we're parking day and night, people shouting
harder than ever.
Heading on up south, I'm gonna see if
I can't unwind.
Come on down south, I'm gonna meet some
friends of mine.
Hey, fellas!
Fellas!
You wanna know what time I woke up
this morning?
What time?
Around 6-7!
6-7!
Oh, hey, Annie, ladies.
Did you guys do your homework last night?
I tried to, but I got stuck on
problems 6 and 7!
6 and 7!
Hey, Eric!
I know, Butters, I know.
Don't do it to me.
It's too funny.
But I just did a 6-7 with
Annie and Megan at the same time!
Yeah, five minutes ago I snuck up on
Wendy and totally 6-7'd her from behind.
Wow!
Hey, Scott, how's your diabetes, man?
My diabetes?
Yeah, what's your A1C at?
6.7!
6.7!
Oh, my God!
All right, everyone, listen up.
I've gotten a lot of reports of disruptions
in the classroom and some satanic numerology shit
going on.
So I want to remind you this is
a power Christian school, and I am a
power Christian principal, and we will be PC.
So now I want you to hear from
someone who is the highest authority on biblical
prophecies.
This person is an absolute expert on the
end of days and the coming of the
Antichrist.
Please welcome Mr. Peter Thiel.
Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist.
Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist.
I'm Peter Thiel, and I know about the
Antichrist.
Let's learn about the Antichrist today.
Hello, kids, I'm Peter Thiel, and I'm here
to talk to you about the Antichrist.
Okay, so first, what is the Antichrist?
The Antichrist is a newer, more human form
of Satan that will soon walk the earth.
We don't know how soon it will walk
the earth, but it could be within the
next 6 to 7 weeks.
Okay, you see, Satan was a fallen angel,
and God punished him.
And to make sure Satan could never have
offspring, the Lord God did shrink Satan's asshole
to the size of a tiny little pinhole
so nothing could ever penetrate and ejaculate inside
of it.
So Satan could never have a butt baby
until along came Mr. Donald Trump, whose penis
is so teeny, teeny, tiny it could actually
fit in Satan's asshole.
How small is Donald Trump's penis?
Somewhere between 6 and 7 centimeters.
6 centimeters!
Hey, look, this is very important, people, okay?
The Antichrist is coming.
The Bible refers to the eagle, which refers
to America, the fourth seal broken and hell
coming to earth.
It's right here in Revelation 6...
6-7.
6-7!
Good, and breathe in through your nose and
out through your mouth.
In 2, 3, 4, and exhale 2, 3,
4.
Good, let your shoulders soften, let your jaw
relax.
Now gentle pressure on the hips as your
partner exhales.
Good, and breathe...
This is so boring!
How about you shut up and do your
job?
Ah, come on, Satan!
How about we just calm and f***?
We haven't had sex in forever!
That's because it's bad for the baby.
Yeah, but f*** a baby, this is stupid!
Did you just say f*** the baby?
Hey, was that scary?
I didn't mean like really f*** the baby.
No, you know what?
You can just go home.
I'll finish this myself.
You can go home and jack off if
you want.
Ah, perfect!
Uh...
Ah, shit!
Good news, boss.
We just shut down another abortion clinic.
Oh, yeah, great, that's great.
Yes, boss.
You've made all the Christians so happy.
Of course, there is still one more clinic
that will still perform abortions right here in
town.
There is?
Oh, yes.
How unfortunate that some babies will not be
able to be born.
As Christians, we can't allow this to continue.
Perhaps you should go speak with this abortion
doctor personally.
Yeah, yeah!
Come in!
PC Principal, do you have a minute?
Sure, Jesus.
What do you need?
I'm starting to wonder if I really fit
in here.
Of course you fit in.
This school has been a cesspool of heathen
left-wing little bitches and only our faith
is going to set them right.
Could I ask exactly what branch of Christianity
are you?
The kind that loves his country and doesn't
tolerate any f***ing fags.
Yeah, see, I really think I don't belong
here.
Look, I understand it's a tough transition.
You know, the Vice Principal here had the
same conflict as you, but she's really come
around.
The Vice Principal?
Your wife?
That's right.
Can you send in Strong Christian Woman, please?
She was saying this wasn't the place for
her anymore, but just this last weekend, she
converted to Christianity.
You wanted to see me?
Yeah, Strong Christian Woman.
I was just telling Jesus here about our
faith.
Oh, yes.
It's been such a blessing.
She converted on Saturday.
What do you think, huh?
You ever seen a more Christian chick in
your f***ing life?
Never.
Look, I know it's a hard adjustment, but
just stick with it, and you're going to
fit in here just fine, Jesus.
Did everything
go good at school today, honey?
Yep, yep.
School was good.
School was pretty good.
Is everything okay, honey?
Yeah, everything's fine.
It's fine.
Mom, can I ask you something?
Sure, Eric.
Do you know, on average, at what age
kids lose their baby teeth?
Oh, I'm not sure, Eric.
I guess usually around six, seven.
Eric, what?
No, nothing.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I was just thinking about your menstrual cycle.
My menstrual cycle?
Yeah, I was just wondering when you actually
menstruate, ma'am.
Like, roughly, how many days does that last?
Well, Eric, it's usually around six to seven
days that a woman...
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Oh!
Oh!
Eric, sweetie?
Eric, what is going on?
This keeps happening.
Mom, Mom, you got to tell me something.
Of course, honey.
Roughly how many nights have I been throwing
up at dinner?
I don't know, Eric.
It's probably been six or seven nights.
Ah!
Hey, Jesus, get your
stuff, man.
We're going out for drinks.
What?
Look, I know it's been hard for you
trying to adjust here and everything, so the
wife and I were talking and we found
a nice Christian lady we're going to set
you up with.
Oh, I don't think so.
Thanks, but...
Oh, come on, man.
She's a really great woman and she just
converted to Christianity.
My wife met her at the same place
that she became Christian.
So then I was like, you know what?
I need a new direction in my life.
It's like I just got so sick of
everyone being such a pussy all the time
and all this woke garbage and women trying
to be men, so I just started reading
the Bible, you know?
I mean, I didn't actually read the Bible,
but I listened to a lot of podcasts.
And once I went through my transition, I
was like, this is great, only now guys
are always checking out my Christianity.
Sorry, could you all excuse me?
I need to go to the bathroom.
Sure thing, Jesus.
He fiends knife.
Miss Davidson?
Miss Cocoa Slutty Davidson?
Oh yeah, that's me.
I'm Cocoa Slutty Davidson.
Just here to get an abortion.
The doctor's right in here, ma'am.
Hey doc!
Alright, listen.
I need you to perform an abortion.
But it's not for me, it's for my
partner.
And you can't tell anyone, not even my
partner.
How am I supposed to do that?
Well, you're gonna come with me, see, and
we're gonna sneak into my house and you're
gonna set that thing out while everyone's asleep.
Your house wouldn't happen to be white, would
it?
Hey, how do you know that?
Look, Mr. President, I've seen the news.
If you got Satan pregnant, that's your responsibility.
Well, it's your responsibility now.
Or else I'll sue you, how about that?
Even if I wanted to help you, sir,
I have no idea how to perform an
abortion on the offspring of Satan.
To do that, you'd need some kind of
expert on the Antichrist.
Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist.
Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist.
I'm Peter Thiel and I know about the
Antichrist.
All right, listen.
You people have a very serious problem here.
Your students appear to be in some kind
of cult involving the numbers six and seven.
All right, so what should we do?
I'm going to need access to all your
school's private data.
School records, health records, and of course, all
security cameras.
Oh, no.
Look, I don't think we need it.
Is this really what we've come to?
Freely handing people's personal data over to some
tech billionaire preaching shit about the Bible?
You got a problem with Jesus, bro?
Come on, man.
You became a Christian like three months ago.
Yeah, I've got f***ing faith, dude.
What do you have, you little bitch?
You want to throw down, bro?
Uh, okay.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
You want to see what it feels like
to talk shit about Christianity?
I just try to be still, Eric.
Doctor, can I ask a question?
Of course.
About how long do you need me to
be still?
Just about ten seconds, Eric.
Okay.
So how long now?
Just another six, seven seconds, Eric.
I'm sorry, Mrs. Carman, but we can't pinpoint
the source of his illness.
If he continues to vomit this much daily,
I'm afraid it could be life-threatening.
But, doctor, if I'm not able to keep
any food down, roughly how long would it
take...
Roughly how long would it take for the
human body to die?
Eric, I'm going to be very honest with
you.
Without sufficient nutrients, the body shuts down after
six to seven weeks.
Excuse me, that's my computer.
Yes, and your computer has all the personal
data of the students here.
It's okay, Jesus.
Peter Thiel knows what he's doing.
I've downloaded all the students' information and loaded
them into an A.I. face detection program
so the school security cameras can watch their
every move.
Now, look.
Two students passing each other in the hallway.
They give each other the sign.
Six, seven.
Exactly 67 seconds later, this odd parka-wearing
child makes the same gesture.
And then, inside the girls' bathroom, two girls
doing the same thing.
Wait, why is there a camera inside the
girls' bathroom?
To stop the Antichrist.
Now, I'm following the lead on this girl
here.
She went home to 67 Malavista Drive.
Going through her family's medical records, I found
that her father has testicular cancer and, 67
days ago, had one testicle removed.
That really feels like none of our business.
I don't know how I'm supposed to work
with Nosy Nancy peering over my shoulder all
the time.
Jesus, let's you and me have a quick
chain wiggle out in the hall.
I'm getting close.
I almost have the key to stop it
from happening.
We are running out of time, Mr. Teal.
The Antichrist is coming.
Satan is shopping for baby strollers as we
speak.
If I'm going to learn what these numbers
mean, I'm going to need access to every
government database.
You will have it, Mr. Teal.
Nothing is more important than making sure this
baby is not born.
Look, man, I know it's tough, but you
got to understand that drastic times call for
drastic measures.
I just don't feel good about treating people
this way.
I think the most important thing still has
to be loving and respecting each other.
All right, man, I need to ask you
something, and I need you to tell me
the truth.
Are you a fag?
No, that has nothing to do with it.
It's just...
Are you f***ing sure?
I'm just trying to say that I'm really
confused right now.
Okay, but confused like you don't know if
you're attracted to dudes or like what?
Like how we can just change everything about
who we are.
I think you still just don't understand what
Christians today are about.
Come on, there's someone I think you should
talk to.
Oh, yes, the Antichrist.
I've listened to a lot of podcasts about
that.
Everyone keeps saying how the Antichrist is coming,
but I'm like, he already did.
I was married to him in 2018.
But seriously, if he saw how Christian I
was, now he'd probably shit his pants.
Don't be jealous.
He's so funny.
Hey.
Hey, Satan.
Boss!
Ah, f***, shit!
Oh, sorry, boss.
I did not know Satan was sleeping.
Yeah, that's all he ever does anymore.
Poor boss.
If you're going to jack off, shall I
fetch your c*** rag?
Hey, I wasn't jacking off.
Sure thing, boss.
I'll go get your c*** rag.
What is taking you so long?
I'm very close to finding the secret of
the numbers.
I've narrowed it down to one little boy
who seems more possessed than the others.
Then deal with him and keep it quiet.
Nobody can know that we are working together.
When I become president, I will give you
full access to everyone's data.
I've already spoken with the mother, and I'm
on my way now to face the child.
Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist.
Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist.
I'm Peter Thiel, and I know about the
Antichrist.
Let's deal with the Antichrist today.
Don't!
Is your son home?
Yes, Mr. Thiel.
He's right upstairs.
Eric, I'm Peter Thiel.
I'm here to help our country.
Okay.
I came to see you...
in an Uber, Eric.
Would you like to know how long it
took me to get here?
How long?
It took...
around six or seven minutes.
I'm not...
No way!
You know, they're all just a bunch of
libtards anyways.
I know what's up.
I listen to podcasts.
You want to know who I think the
Antichrist is?
Greta Thunberg, with her stupid haircut and her
dumb bangs.
Someone should yank out whatever's up her ass.
I can't.
I just can't.
Everything all right, bud?
No, everything's not all right.
I don't know what I'm doing here.
You're trying to get with the program, bro.
Peggy Rockbottom is a hot Christian girl.
Now stop acting gay.
Look, I don't know what you think Christianity
is, but it has nothing to do with
that.
What are you saying?
I'm saying that you and a lot of
other people seem to have a very warped
sense of what Christianity is.
Are you questioning my faith?
You want to f***ing go?
No, I don't want to f***ing go.
You got a problem, bro?
No, I don't have a problem.
You actually have a problem.
You need a way to bully people, and
you're using the Bible to do it.
I'm not gonna fight you!
Damn right you won't, because you're a gay
little pussy!
Yeah, don't come back!
You're gonna get some more, bitch!
Tell me what it means!
The Lord labored six days, and on the
seventh he rested!
There's nothing more I can do here.
I have to take him to Washington, D
.C. Washington?
Oh, no, he can't travel now.
He's very sick.
Your son is the key to saving our
country, Miss Cartman.
Everything we hold dear could end.
We have to unlock the secrets he holds,
no matter what it takes.
It's true.
Watch me walk through the wall.
Check it out.
Damn it.
Damn it.
Damn it.
I think the wall's broken.
Yeah.
Beavis and Button.
New episode coming up next on Comedy Central.
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