Original subtitles

But Darby needs somewhere to drive around with Tess, Kimber, and Ben.

Santa doesn't have enough Darby dream wagon to give out.

The workshop is backed up.

It's right here in the catalog.

Can't you just buy it for me, Daddy?

It's only $74 .99.

A steal!

The Christmas tree for a factory is closing.

I have to save money until I can find another job.

And my holiday ice sculpting job has dried up since the accident.

But Holly, we promise, it'll be a great Christmas.

Cheer up, Holly. At least we still have each other, right?

Dear Santa, this Christmas, all I want is for my parents to go away.

That's it.

Can you make that happen?

Love,

Holly Winter.

Out of your niceness here, little girl.

Grown -ass woman, bitch.

That is not Christmas cake!

What the...

That's right. Frozen fish was Chef Ho's secret sauce.

The fraud was then arrested for assault.

Ho closed the door today because of the scandal that was about to break.

So Ho is no...

What a tragedy. I know, Dean.

I just love, love, loved their crab -like tower.

Where will we have our office Christmas party this year? Don't you mean office

holiday party?

Please don't give me that war on Christmas face, Christy.

That's a great show today, Dean and Christy.

Can I speak to you for a moment, Holly?

I just wish you were a little bit more like Christy. Christy is like a talking

tube of lipstick.

Yeah, she's also pregnant.

It's Dean.

So I got a dumper from the show.

Pregnancy's made people uncomfortable, especially me.

Yeah, but, Chris, he's always in front of that giant desk. No one will even

know. But I will.

And because you'll never succumb to having children, I want you to fill that

empty chair.

As anchorwoman.

The anchorwoman of Channel 6 News.

Well, uh, what about my investigations?

Do you want to keep wearing your ugly wigs and playing undercover dress -up,

do you want to triple your salary?

The second thing. I'm in. That's a fast, honey -tongue.

Why don't you take that feed?

You'll be the face of this station.

Billboards, bus benches, even those annoying little screens on the back of

Images, everything.

And yours sucks.

Screw you, Kevin.

But I have a way for you to take that giant sack of coal out of your ass.

You're headed to ornaments.

The Christmassy -est town ever. To cover their annual ornaments festival of

Christmas wonders.

All their parties and events. They even have a hot cocoa hoedown. Whatever that

means. And you'll be checking in nightly with Dean and Prego Christie.

And since you're from there, you'll give the story a hometown spin.

Look, I appreciate the gesture, but I hate ornaments and everything that it

stands for.

You mean Christmas? It celebrates the tacky commercialism of some, like,

baby born in a barn. I am never, ever going home, okay?

Ornaments will land you the dream job people would kill for.

Plus, while you're there...

Maybe you're falling in love. Yeah, okay.

Love.

Gross.

I'm Holly Frost, and you're watching Channel 6 News.

Good evening. I'm Holly Frost, and you're watching Channel 6 News.

It's going to be great.

I'm trying to get to ornaments before I have to be live on camera.

I'm sorry I'm late.

Thanks, Bella. I'm Sam.

I'm your cameraman.

You know anything about ornaments?

Unfortunately.

Boatloads of Christmas events happen there every year.

And idiot people from all over the country come to partake in a joyous time

the snow.

That sounds fun.

Yeah, it's not. Trust.

So, um, who are they? Your sisters?

Those are my ladies.

It's my wife Lacey and our daughter Taylor. Huh.

Lacey passed last year.

Oh. I'm so sorry. How?

Cancer.

What kind?

Cancer.

Oh, right.

Yeah.

Let's just get this over with, shall we?

All right.

I'm going to take a quick nap.

Oh.

You okay?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fine.

What is it?

We made an ornament.

Sick.

All right.

Okay, I'll go from this room to the hotel. Maybe you can, uh, order some

Something festive.

Bonjour, madame. Hi.

What can we get you today?

Two Leprancer's peppermint mocha lattes.

Okay, coming right up. Great.

Hey, listen, you don't have any booze back there, do you?

Whatever. Kind, really.

You're funny.

Yeah, I wasn't.

Never mind.

Go, make the lattes.

Holly Winters. Is that you?

It's actually Holly Frost now. Danica.

Where's the ring?

Oh, I didn't get married. I just changed my name. From Winters to Frost, but

why? They're basically the same thing. Nope, they're not.

Well, I'm actually married.

And guess what?

I'm the mayor now.

It's crazy, right?

Today I am giving back to our community.

Did you want me to wrap anything for you?

Oh, just your sweet little mouth.

I see you're just the same old Grinchy Holly.

Oh no, come on, look, I can be cordial.

Like, uh, how is your hot cousin?

Oh, you mean my cousin Chris Pringle?

The one who you dumped via I Am A Graduation Day?

Not that she would care.

But Chris has actually been through a lot recently.

He just lost his wife.

Hopefully not to cancer.

Hot air balloon.

Like it caught on fire?

No.

One fell on her.

Holly, your lattes are ready. Oh, great.

Hey, these, uh, bows could use a little work there, Mayor.

Pretty, uh, limp.

Hotel's sold out. Yeah, since the 75th anniversary, everything's bugged.

But I've got a better idea. I can just put a blow -up in the back of the van,

and I'll sleep in the front seat.

Not necessary.

I have a place we can stay.

Oh, Holly!

Son of a nutcracker, you're really here!

This is magical.

Wow.

Okay, that's quite enough. Oh, my gosh. Let me look at you.

Wow. My little sister, the big city TV star in the flesh.

Oh, hi.

Is that your boyfriend?

No, it's my cameraman.

His name is Sam.

Cameraman Sam.

Cameraman Sam. That is fun to say.

I'm Cookie.

Oh, I'm so tickled. You're back. We have so much catching up to do. We can wrap

gifts and sip cider.

We can cook a holiday beef brisket on Christmas night. Yeah, no. I leave first

thing on the 25th. I'm just here for work.

Oh.

Boo. Well, I will take what I can get. So, that's great.

How about some of that cider?

I have so much cider. I have three different flavors of cider. I just got

cider, which is crazy.

Here it is, just like you left it. Not really.

What is all this shit doing in here?

Oh, I turned the attic into my Christmas sweater sewing studio.

Okay.

Holly, I really wish you'd reconsider leaving Christmas morning.

It would mean a lot to have you here for the holiday, you know, spend some

quality time with family, with me. Yeah, I, um, I really got to get ready for

the story, so... Hey.

I can take a hint.

Aw,

so cute.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Greetings. Chad Pringle and Joy Reese.

And Gingerbread. I heard rumors she was back in town, but is the famous Holly

Winters really sitting with us right now? It's Holly Frost now.

You got married. Why does everyone keep asking me that?

I love the blazer.

Coral? Or is it more tangerine?

It's definitely tangerine. I wish I could wear something so bold. My boss

doesn't like me in anything but muted tones.

And always a turtleneck. Well, that sounds like a controlling asshole.

It's Cousin Danica. Oh, Joyce the Mayor's assistant.

And I'm working for your aunt now.

Aunt Becky's still alive after years of consuming all that butter and sugar by

the truckload.

Holly was always such a kidder. My funny, fabulous bestie. And then she

me and my brother Chris and all of ornaments for bigger and brighter

Not that I'm still totally devastated by it. Well, I mean, what...

Jed.

And Holly.

Chris.

What's up?

Wow.

Christmas came early.

Yeah.

Uh, we'll see you both later?

At the bakery?

For letters to Santa? Yeah.

Maybe after my gig we could catch up.

Grab dinner or something?

Yeah, I'd really love that.

Cool.

Here's the pretty lady, Daddy.

Oh, Faith, I'd like you to meet my old friend. This is Holly.

You have a kid?

He does indeed.

Hi. What are you asking Santa for this year? Excuse me?

Santa, what do you want for Christmas?

I don't see a ring on that finger, so perhaps to land a husband.

Maybe you should ask your daddy for a reality check on both this year.

You don't believe in love or Santa?

I mean, what is the point of living?

It's almost six, Holly. We gotta start setting up. Oh, thank Christ.

Um, well...

We'll make a plan later, then?

Yeah, I, um... I don't really think I'm going to be hungry.

But thanks.

I spy

my

big city's successful knees!

Aunt Becky?

Is Rudolph's nose red?

Oh, hello.

You must be Holly's main squeeze.

Call me Aunt Becky. Everyone does.

Are you sure that you're my Aunt Becky? I mean, the last time I saw her, she was

round, big, plump.

Yeah. I lost 162 pounds this past winter.

Well, I definitely prayed to him about it. But what really melted that stubborn

fat away was a change in diet.

I used to constantly taste test my cookies.

But then I started to play a game with myself.

I would give them all.

Names. Like my little cookie children.

I wouldn't eat my children.

Okay, so what about the people who do eat them?

Fine if I do.

Hey! So why are you dressed like you're about to service a fruitcake?

Well, this is my caroling costume. Thank you for asking. I'm on my way to

rehearsal right now.

Oh, sweetie, you should come. You've always had the most beautiful singing

voice. Yeah, I was kind of millennial. Debbie!

Debbie! I don't want it.

Alcohol. Where is the alcohol?

So, uh, where's Chris?

Chris is with my brother, the sheriff, over on Poynton Avenue.

Chris spotted some vaping teens transporting the Goldman property,

Christmas lights.

Personally, I think they were doing him a favor.

They are the only house on the street without any Christmas lights. People are

allowed to be Jewish in ornaments, Danica.

I never said that.

See you all on TV.

Let's do this.

All right.

Okay, here we go.

Smile, smile, smile.

Live in three, two, one.

It is such a joy to watch these faces jot down what they might like from

I'll be back here tomorrow night for the hot cocoa hoedown. Yee -haw!

I'm Holly Frost, Channel 6 News.

Christy, Dean.

Yeah, we're out.

Drink, please.

Awesome. Here, let me get you a glass.

Don't worry about it. I'm just going to drink from the bottle.

But thanks.

I'll be right back.

Greetings.

Dear Satan.

It's been 21... 22 years.

Thanks for ruining Christmas, dick.

You can keep it.

Screw you.

Sincerely, not yours.

Polly.

Hey, do you want to show me the back of your van?

Come on.

Business?

Casual.

Take off your pants.

I'll take off the shoes first.

But she didn't mean like just about kissing. Oh, there's going to be

no kissing while we're in this town.

Okay. Let me help you with those.

Really?

What's wrong?

Not you.

It's not.

It's my wife.

I'm not sure I'm ready to do this to her.

Okay. To be honest, we should just try to keep this thing professional.

Professional. That's how I ended up in the back of your van.

With my top off by both of us keeping things super professional.

Oh, and by the way, your earring is super lame.

Where did you get it?

Hot topic?

My daughter. My daughter got me this.

Darby Dreamwag.

Don't flipping ma 'am me. I am only 27 years old.

Turn around, ma 'am. Quit calling me... Hello,

sailor.

Hi, hi. Yeah, there's something on the roof of my van and it seems pretty angry

and I don't know what it is. It could be a large person or it moves.

No, this isn't a joke. Hello?

Hello? Ma 'am, have you been drinking, ma 'am? What are you going to do?

Rath or alive me for riding around in a little bitty kid's toy. Technically, you

were driving, so we're going to need to see some ID.

Okay. Well, how about I see your IDs?

I'm Sheriff Reith.

This is Deputy Reith. You guys don't happen to be related to Joy, do you?

Because we're the only black people in town?

Because your last names are both Reith.

We're brothers.

Joy's our sister.

Sexy sibling.

Bet your parents are pretty hot, too.

They're dead.

Samesies. Hello?

Those aunt, Aunt Becky, your real aunt? Mm -hmm.

Because her angel cookies are at thebomb .com.

Nerd alert.

You're a hot nerd, though.

Deputy, sorry.

Look, we're going to let you off with just a warning, but that's only because

Aunt Bea. She's been real supportive of us less experienced singers.

Oh, God.

You're a caroler?

We're in ornaments, right? Well, gentlemen, it is getting late.

And it has been a pleasure.

But I will see you later.

Have a lovely evening.

Stop it.

Oh, come on.

Yes.

Yes.

Sam, come on. We gotta go. We need some caffeine before this sad hot cocoa

hoedown.

Come on, Sam.

Giddy up. Let's go. I don't care if you're naked. I am coming in.

Woo!

Yeah, I've called Sam like a hundred times, and the news van has gone in. She

didn't send me another cameraman ASAP, preferably one without a dead wife.

Now there's no time, Holly. If Sam doesn't resurface soon, just find a

with camera experience.

Oh, by the way, the audience seemed to buy what you were selling last night. So

keep it up.

Want to get a Christmas sweater with me?

I'm thinking maybe a cat riding a dog who's on a reindeer.

And they're all in Santa hats.

As super fun and creative as that sounds, I need to find somebody who

to work a camera for tonight's segment because that sexy loser with the stupid

sexy earring is M .I .A. Oh, well, what about Chris Pringle? When he's not

selling Christmas trees, he's teaching videography at Ornament Pie.

And he's also single.

My ex with the bizarro teen child.

Right.

But, I mean, what choice do I have?

Oh, choose love.

This is kind of like when we were back in high school.

You doing the video morning announcements while I filmed it.

Except no braces for this guy.

Carol's Electronics should have everything we need.

Maybe no need for Carol's.

Hey, Kevin, we found the van, but there is obviously no sign of Sam.

Holly, come here.

666. Number of the beast.

I'll test the red stuff for you guys, but I'm telling you, this is probably

a couple of teenage vaping hooligans out trying to have a good time.

Okay, well, my cameraman is not at Orman's Hospital, so theorize that one

me, Sheriff.

Telling me how to do my job?

Chris, I'll meet you back here in five. I'm going to go smash a Texas Mickey of

creme de cacao.

Hmm, okay.

Thanks, Candace.

Hey, are you coming to the hot cocoa hoedown?

I'll be filming for a big city news station. Gosh, that sounds just swell.

We'll be there as soon as we close up. Au revoir.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas. All right, everybody.

We are closed.

So if you could go ho -ho -home.

Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry

Christmas. Happy holidays.

Jingle all the way home.

Do you really want to go to that hoedown?

Of course, it's a classic.

It's my favorite event of the whole season.

And you heard Mr. Pringle. They're going to broadcast it on live TV. We can wave

at our moms.

Mayor Danica won the song contest this year, which means she'll be singing

Santa there tonight.

That song makes my ears bleed, Cameron.

Really? I think it's super catchy.

Let's just stay here.

Or do you want to graduate high school still?

Holding your V -card.

I thought I did.

Think about it.

Everyone will be at town hall, which means that we can scream and moan as

as we want.

Now to you.

I don't know, Candace.

Becky's got surveillance in case those vaping teens get the munchies. We never

know when she might be watching us.

Not today.

Take off that damn apron, you sexy elf.

When did you start swearing?

That big city TV lady inspired me.

Do you hear that?

My heart beating like a little drummer boy?

No.

Danica bells.

Who cares?

Okay,

it is a pinch grating. Pinch?

Yeah. Where's it coming from?

I don't know.

The speakers aren't even connected.

Oh, my God.

Listen to this stupid song.

Horses don't talk.

I have the best idea, Daddy. We should go on a double date. You and Holly and

and Jeremy.

A double date with a couple of cosplaying underage nerds. That's going

hard path.

Trot off, Hope.

It's me.

Well, maybe we can go out. Just the two of us?

Chris, look, I'm only in town for 72 hours and you're too good for me.

What? Who said?

Says me. You're so sweet, and I... Oh, God, I am so sour.

That's my favorite kind of Chinese food. Ha, ha, ha.

Alcohol?

Aren't you on the clock?

I didn't realize you were also a judge. Look, vodka?

That's the only thing that's getting me through this week.

Look, I'm worried about you.

Why don't we?

It's gonna be Connie Chung soon enough.

Ha ha, Holly.

Very funny.

Holly?

What's going on?

Are you okay?

Yeah, just, um, I'm fine.

Are you okay?

Uh, yeah.

And I'm fine. Did you eat one of those Christmas handballs? They are delicious

but deadly.

No, just a sip of spiked cocoa, but something I lodged in my throat.

Oh. Weird.

It was this.

Holly, isn't that cameraman Sam's?

Um... I need a minute.

Well, happy friggin' holidays.

Okay, so your cameraman's earring was in the hot cocoa dispenser.

Yeah. It's very bizarre.

But at least my handsome, charming single brother was there to rescue you.

Chad, I do not have time for a romance chat right now. I'm trying to tell you

something important.

Right, sorry. Go ahead.

Ever since I came back from ornaments, weird shit has been happening to me.

First, my cameraman disappears.

Then I find his van with bloody sixes on it. And last night, I was choking on

this. I'm not sure what you're getting at.

I wrote Satan by mistake when I was seven.

Wait, isn't that how old you were when your parents were hacked to death?

Oh, yeah.

Apparently, I asked... Satan to get rid of them, and then they wind up being

murdered.

And last night at the Letters to Santa event, I wrote to them again. Why? What

did you write? I called old heavy hooves a giant dick.

Oh, Polly. And then they got back to me via the Witt & Wagner Wine Bar Lady

Thrill.

Uh, okay, Paul, the person who hurt your parents, that was some nutty nut job

dressed up as Santa the police could never find, right?

The whole devil thing.

You're not even religious.

You don't believe in Satan, right? You don't even believe in Christmas.

Right. So this is the vaping teen playing an April Fool's prank.

It's December.

But they're vaping.

They don't know that.

Oh, jingle my bells.

What? Holly, this is John Smith. He's an amazing farmer.

Wow, that's hard. He's got the best produce and olive ornaments.

Oh, you're too kind, Chatty.

Chatty?

Do people call you Chatty?

No. Oh.

No, you can call me that. I mean, if you'd prefer chat, I can call you Chat.

I don't prefer anything.

That came out wrong.

Well, I better get going. I've got to iron out my suit before the gingerbread

gala tonight. So nice to meet you and see you later. Yeah, okay. Oh, yeah, I

it.

Bye. Bye.

Well,

it is pretty clear that he wants to take a nice juicy bite out of your apple.

Why don't you flirt back?

I tried.

But look at me.

I'm probably not the guy's type.

I've got to go fill a bunch of pie orders.

And then the pies themselves.

I'll probably eat one, too. I'm so fat and alone.

It's really good. I know, right?

Hey, Holly.

Want to go on a shopping spree?

They're for Danica. We still haven't found just the right dress for the

gingerbread gala.

I heard you met my brother Cole. The singing sheriff.

He thought you were pretty cute.

I mean, for an adult woman who steals Darby Dream wagons, I'd be happy to set

you two up on a date. I'm not interested in getting to know Cole or any other

band better in this creepy -ass Christmas town.

Second my gig ends, I am peeping out, never to return.

I don't believe you, Holly Winters. That's not my name anymore.

I see it.

Deep down, what are you talking about?

The Christmas candle.

Inside your heart?

It's still lit.

Okay. That makes, like, zero sense. And you don't even know me.

Joy.

Joy to the world, the Lord is come.

Let earth receive her King.

Let every...

Prepare him room And heaven and nature sing And heaven and

nature sing And heaven and nature sing

That was great.

I didn't realize you were a tenor.

Yeah, most people don't expect that from me. I bet they don't.

Unfortunately...

We already have someone in your vocal range right now, so I don't think it's

going to be a really good fit for us.

Oh.

That's too bad. It really is.

Yeah, it really, really is.

Oh, but would you like to take one of my heavenly cookies over there, my little

angels? Hi, guys, for the road.

I'm good. Are you sure?

They're delicious.

Maybe save it for the poor kids at the toy drive tomorrow night.

Well, now that is a thoughtful thought, Cole.

Yes, and okay, well, you know what? Better try next year, right?

Good try today.

All right, we'll see you a bit later then, Cole.

Bye -bye.

Oh,

Angel Jennifer, shut up.

Well, what's one little bite of your wing going to do, right?

Oh, I mean, how many calories?

What can that be?

I

missed you

so much.

Jingle bells.

Do you know what time it is?

Cookie time!

Burn bright, my little star baker.

Where is that pair of over -caffeinated elves?

So, what you're telling me is that there's... Literally no way to get a

in a coffee shop this morning.

Great. Fantastic.

Well, I hope you have a great day because you're making me have vodka for

breakfast again.

Watch it.

Don't help us or anything.

Oh, I wasn't going to.

Give me a second, Joy.

Of course.

You know what, Holly?

With Kris Pringle, you are barking up the wrong Christmas tree. Oh, my God, I

not interested in Kris Pringle.

Okay, like, maybe to, like, bang once before I bounce.

Why is everybody so obsessed with love in this town?

Well, at least we can love something other than the bottle.

Go back to the big city and drink your life away.

Okay. And why don't you go straight to hell, Mayor?

Ugh!

nerve. The gala committee needs you to approve tonight's gala decorations.

They also have some questions about the auction.

Why do I have to do everything? Because you're the mayor.

You guys will have to try on my dresses at the hall then.

You're going to look great in everything.

Oh, me too. I mean, I've been working out a lot, so.

It shows.

How's it going in there?

Joy, do you call this polyester candy cane mask classy?

Because if I wear it tonight, kids will look at me to death.

Well, there are still a few more options that you haven't tried.

That's from Paris.

Oh, now we're talking.

Oh, but it's a size zero, so.

Trust me.

I'm a size zero, Joy.

Of course you are.

Double zero even.

Joy, you weren't kidding.

I think we have a winner.

Do you need a hand?

Thank you, Joy.

I must have been a man that invented the side zippers.

I told you I was a zero.

Your bow looks a little limp, Mayor.

Perhaps I could assist you with it.

Are you okay?

Mayor?

Danica?

Mayor?

Do you need me to come in there?

Dress is just a die for.

I have this trick with butter and a coat hanger. We can get you right in there.

Isn't that lying a little tight?

I'm coming in there.

Can't you just, like, get a normal coffee around here?

But you're so ho -ho hot, chocolate.

Chad, that's not even a real play on words. Not everything said here has to

like, Christmas explosion.

No, it's just a tree.

Chad, I'll murder you in your sleep.

A monster took the mayor.

Let's go.

She went through there.

With him, the monster man.

I didn't see him, but he had this horrible chuckle, like nails on a

mixed with a lion's roar.

We'll get one of your brothers down here to investigate. Maybe Cole.

Yes, definitely, definitely Cole.

Maybe you can see where the air vent goes, you know?

Meanwhile, just try to relax, okay?

How the frankincense am I supposed to relax right now? Well, you used to be a

competitive snowman builder, right?

Okay, yeah, that's not a thing.

Tell that to my coach.

I medaled at the World Snowman Championship in Finland.

Twice.

Okay, then go and build a friggin' snowman.

You know?

Frozen.

See, Chad, I am not crazy.

I know you're not.

This is not normal for ornaments.

I can help you with those.

I spy some pretty little eyes.

Hello?

Noel? Cole?

No, no. Over here.

That's right.

Why don't you come a little closer?

Would you like to be friends with a snowman, Joy?

Would you like to go on a magical adventure?

Just like you've always dreamed of.

God, you scared the crap out of me.

Where's Aunt Becky?

Oh, I don't know. I was downtown working on my nativity scene. It's going to

rock everyone's Christmas socks off.

Aunt Becky said that she had choir practice here and that she was going to

carpool with us to the gala. Maybe she changed her mind.

No, you go get ready. You have a gingerbread gala to cover.

Right.

Is this kind of smell funny to you?

Cookies!

And let's drop by my nativity scene on the way there.

Losers. My sister here, look, she spent a lot of time on this nativity scene. So

why don't you and your little friend go and fill your lungs with electronic teen

cancer somewhere else?

Get out of here.

Scram.

Thank you.

Okay. I think your nativity scene looks sweet.

The silent auction for the gingerbread houses is already underway, but these

not your typical structures.

There are skyscrapers, theme parks, even a Mall of America, all made out of

molasses and dough. Holly, do I... buy a gingerbread statue of liberty?

You sure do, Christy.

America's never looked so delicious.

Well, I'll be back here tomorrow night for the very white elephant gift

exchange. Christy, Dean, thanks, Holly.

Up next, Autumn, the very incredible baby hippo who can paint with her webbed

feet. Adorable.

Oh, man.

These cheapy candy cane heels. They're just killing me.

Oh, great. The dancing portion of the evening has begun.

Time to get the fudge home.

Fudge? Sounds like ornaments may be rubbing off on you after all, huh? Uh

It's not. I meant to say.

Frost?

Miss Frost?

Oh, no thanks. Those handballs taste like rat meat stuffed into dirty baby

stock. Actually, I was wondering if you'd like to dance.

Ollie hates dancing.

Prom night. Teen your year.

You should have had us teepee the principal's house instead.

Well, maybe I could, um, make an exception.

Jack Goldman.

Goldman? You're the one whose house got Christmas -lighted.

By some vaping teen scamp?

Why, is me being Jewish a problem? Not at all. I find it quite exotic.

I mean, for this town.

Are you good to pack up on your own?

Sure. Great.

Ooh, Deputy Reed.

you clean up like a maid at a frat house.

I was wondering if I could have this dance.

I was just going to ask the same thing.

Chris. Boys, she's taken.

Well, I mean, I'm not taken.

It should be like a dance. Aren't you working, Golden?

I have one song, just you and me.

Okay, boys, boys, boys, boys. There's no need to fight.

Why don't we head back to my sister's place and have a little four -person

party in my childhood bedroom?

Wait. I don't remember the floor in your room being that big, huh?

Honey, what's wrong?

Danica, she's dead.

Hey, Danica's just late to the gala. No, I saw her outside in a manger.

Just like a wise man.

Child, grab my camera. Press the damn record button.

Kevin, get me back on. I've got breaking news.

Move, people. Out of the way.

Quality of ivory in a hippo's tusk is not as good as an elephant's tusk. Not

good. But it does not hold them back from being exceptional artists.

I mean, Jackson Pollock at this age.

Can you hear me? Yes. Okay, we're almost there.

Excuse me.

A young girl has just found Mayor Danica Bell dead outside posed in a gruesome

nativity scene. I think I have a guess. That's what may have killed Mayor Bell.

False alarm.

Back to you.

With the interrupting about the death stuff again, it's always about murder.

heart rate is... You need to calm down. You know what? This is why we love to

share human interests and also hippo interest stories.

No, no, no.

Daddy, I swear, you have to believe me.

I think you've just had a little too much sugar tonight, honey. I believe

Faye.

Me too.

Holly thinks that all the blood and missing people could be the work of

It's true.

Do you have any proof? Yeah, I have proof. I have a picture of a note

blood, and you saw the van, plus the van the other night. No, those are the same

vaping teens who vandalized Golden's place. They probably used cranberry

or something.

It's not cranberry sauce. If you would test it, you would see that.

I'm going to find Danica and put this all to bed.

Hey, I'm going to lend a hand. Yeah.

Okay.

Holly, you're freaking everyone out. Yeah, we should be freaked out, Chris.

Look, over the past few days, your mayor cousin, Snowman Building Joy, the two

nerdy baristas, and Aunt Becky have all vanished.

It's Satan.

Holly, I care about you.

But the devil doesn't make baristas disappear for sport.

And throwing around... That's worse.

It isn't good for Faith.

She's sensitive.

Because of her mother and the hot air balloon accident, I can't have anything

happen to her.

Especially something so darn silly. No, Chris, I'm telling you. Look, I think

it's best you find a new cameraman.

And a new man friend.

I gotta go.

We're not dating.

I warned you, Holly.

No depressing stuff. And you cut off her painting hippo story.

If you want that anchor cheese, you stick to the script and look relatable

doing it. So smile like crazy when you're with the kiddos tonight.

Something is not right here, and I want to solve why.

It'll solve it. Just smile.

Who was that?

Just my bitch boss.

He, like the rest of ornaments, doesn't give a flying fudge that freaky stuff is

happening in this world.

I don't know.

Maybe he's right. Maybe I shouldn't either.

Do you ever wear your hair down?

I overheard your call.

Oh, no.

If you want to be more relatable, may I?

For the grand finale?

What?

Um, have a holly jolly Christmas. You get it?

Not a clue.

Because your name is... I'm kidding.

It's amazing.

Now get out of here so I can change into this masterpiece.

Oh, hold on.

Okay, it's not very Christmassy. No, it's for when you put on the sweater to

protect your makeup and your curls.

That's very weird.

Okay. Hey, hey, hey.

Thank you.

It's family four.

Yay.

Yay, yay, yay.

Yay.

I feel ready, people.

Three, two, showtime.

Everybody ready for some holiday cheer and magic?

Okay, Faith, open up your present.

And what did you get, little girl?

I think it might be raspberry jelly.

I think it leaked through a little.

Wow. Okay, you can open up your presents now, too.

Wait, it's a... It's a foot.

From a person.

I think that maybe we should wrap this up.

I think... Thank you.

I mean... Put the fucking camera down, Chad!

Oh, my God! Cookie!

She's not breathing!

Someone call an ambulance!

I can do CPR while we wait. Can I get the parents to grab their children and

take them home immediately?

That's an order.

All of this, it must have triggered her back to that Christmas morning.

She's going to be okay, right?

She has to be okay.

This is the same thing happened to your parents, isn't it?

Aunt Bea said they were found wrapped up like gifts under the Christmas tree. If

the killer really is back...

That means he went dormant for decades and came back right when you did. What

are you saying, Noel?

I'm saying it's a hell of a coincidence.

I don't have time for this right now. I need to be with my sister.

Chad, Chris, wait up!

It's warm.

Thank you.

How are you feeling?

I don't know. My brain's just trying to make sense of all this.

You know, I knew there was evil in the world.

Just not here in Ornament.

I mean, not for a long time, at least.

Now I'm back and it's all my fault. No, you can't blame yourself, Holly.

Maybe not for the letter that I wrote when we were kids, but the one the other

night. I mean...

I always thought that the devil was just made up, you know, like a mascot for

the bad so that people wouldn't sin.

It's an evil spirit that was just as fictitious as the one with the white

that I thought I was writing to.

Oy.

It's my boss.

Probably calling to fire my ass. I don't know that.

I'll be fine.

I'm just glad you're here with me.

I'll be quick. Okay.

Pretty crazy night, huh?

One of the crazy ratings.

What? Your segment just went viral.

Over three million views in just under an hour. Guess I was wrong, huh?

People don't want feel -good. They want darkness, blood, and gore. So, come on.

Let's give it to them. That is disgusting. You are talking about people

their lives, including my aunt.

Time to get back to investigative politics. Polly, find out who's doing

kills. Who knows?

You may end up getting poached by Fox News.

I hope scouring the B -roll will help us catch the killer.

What if she's right?

Polly, that it's, um... That it's Satan.

I got a big, fat bag of evidence.

It seems to be some kind of a disguise. It's kind of behind all these.

Got a brown wig.

Camera glasses, bubblegum lip gloss, animal print scarf, and finally this.

Oh, blazer.

Well, that's tangerine.

Oh, holy night.

It's definitely tangerine.

There's something about these items that look familiar to you?

What are you keeping from me, Pringle?

Those... Those are Holly's things.

No. There's no way Holly did this.

Griff?

Where is she now?

Hands up!

Oh!

Deputy!

Worst gripper gram ever!

This isn't a joke. Noel told me what you did to those people. For a sweet little

sister? What? Chad, what is going on here?

Hands behind your back, Ross.

Okay, okay.

You're under arrest for six homicides and ornamenting. What are you talking

about? The bodies that were found tonight?

All of your sister's personal belongings were there, Cookie, covered in victim's

blood. Okay, look, I'm obviously being framed.

Cookie... No, it was you, wasn't it?

What? You killed Mom and Dad when we were little. What? All because they

wouldn't buy you a Darby Dream wagon.

And then you came back to do a news story so that you would be promoted.

No! You're a...

I would never do something like that. I loved our parents. And, Becky, look, I

love you. Yeah, yeah, and that's why you never, you know, came back to visit or

send me a phone for a secret.

Just hear her out, Cookie. No!

The only person that you love is your drunk, demented,

depraved, big city self.

Just take her away, Deputy.

No, this is...

I want a lawyer. You've got one.

Passed the bar last fall.

Cole, the courthouse doesn't reopen until after Christmas.

You can stay with me in the meantime.

She's a maniac, Pringle.

She's crazy. She killed Joy.

Uncuff her.

Now.

and we're having a slumber party?

Yeah.

Um, hey, Chris.

Thank you.

Thank you both for coming to save me.

We believe you about Satan.

Like you believed I wasn't seeing things in the manger.

Yeah.

I wish my sister believed me.

Hey, you can sleep on the couch. Or on the master.

I'm on the couch.

Guys, um, that's not Santa, is it?

Oh, shit.

Happy holidays!

Oh,

is there anything better at Christmas than a fallen angel?

Go. You have done enough damage to this town and to my life. Oh, did I?

Oh, that's so sad.

Ruben.

Do you have a sweet tooth, honey?

Be careful. You might get a little hippie.

It's over, asshole.

Oh,

come on!

You blinded me!

Look at that. I'm totally fine.

What do you want?

What do I want?

You wrote me, remember?

You gave me Christmas.

Which, by the way, is a fabulous gift, sweetheart. I am having a ball.

Get out of here, Holly.

We'll be fine. It is the most wonderful time of the year.

That fiend gone?

For now.

Exactly. For now.

We can't defeat Satan physically.

The question is, is how?

Let's just get you patched up first, okay?

Okay.

Hey. Hey.

Are you sure you don't mind taking the couch?

Oh, yeah, yeah, no, no.

No problem.

Thanks for everything this week, Chris. You've been...

during all that crap that I put you through when we were younger.

Holly, we're dealing with the holiday devil.

Surviving together is all that matters now.

So why don't you dream of sugar plum fairies for me?

Okay?

Okay.

Oh, I'm... No kidding.

At least not this early on.

Yeah, okay.

Cool. You know what? I... Actually, I... I get it.

How about we high five instead?

Sure. Yeah?

Sure. Okay. All right.

High five.

Good night, Chris Pringle.

Night, Holly Frost.

Let me guess.

Santa's reindeer?

I know it probably seems silly, but when I lost my mom to the

hot air balloon, I became depressed.

I needed to find faith to continue on, and living in ornaments, Santa seemed

like a good start.

I put these out every year, and someone eats them.

Sure, maybe it's my dad, but I like to think it's the reindeer.

Oh, gingerbread.

What is it?

If Satan is real, then who's to say that Santa isn't?

I can't believe my lips are about to say this, but what if I wrote to Santa to

ask his advice on how to get this horny hellraiser out of ornament?

A letter to Santa!

Yes! I'll get a pen. And I will get some liquid courage.

Dear Santa.

Hey.

It's been 20... Scratch that. 21 years since

we last broke.

I need to bring back joy to ornaments and take down

Satan.

How the...

But do I do that? Love, Holly.

Something's not right.

Winters.

That's Santa, right?

There goes nothing.

Now we just have to get it to Santa.

But the bakery's closed tonight.

I know what that look means.

I have a plan.

Miss Winters?

Is everything okay? Better than okay.

I found this by my happy parent.

He wrote that. What? Santa's real open and open.

Dear Holly, it's nice to hear from you.

If you help a friend in need and find a song in your soul, you can light up the

world. Ho, ho, ho.

Santa.

This is straight up gibberish.

No, no.

No, I think it's a riddle.

I love riddles. Oh, my God. Can't you write me a fudging riddle to abolish

Satan? Okay, it looks like it's written in three different sections, so we

should start at the beginning.

If you help a friend in need, do you have a friend in need?

I don't have any friends.

Except for Chad.

Oh, hey.

I'm glad you're not in a slammer.

What's going on, Gungle Chad? Why are you tossing out all those pretty pies?

Well, everyone's afraid to leave their homes.

They think Holly's a mass murderess, so Sheriff Noel canceled the rest of

Christmas Wonder, including tonight's caroling concert at the bakery.

Holly, Santa said to find a song within your soul.

Maybe Santa wants the concert to go on. I think that you're right.

Oh, shit, he's early.

Who? Who's early?

Faith.

Makeover.

Wow.

Chad.

You look different.

I do?

What are you doing here?

Your niece called, said there was an emergency.

John, Chad has something that's... He would like to...

Thank you.

I do? Mm -hmm.

Uh... Maybe... Would you like to go for a bite sometime?

What took you so long, Chatty?

I thought you weren't interested.

I thought you weren't interested.

No! Okay, great! So you both like each other. Now we have to get back to saving

Christmas. Chad?

Send an email blast to all of your customers telling them that the event

tonight is uncancelled. And everybody who attends gets free pie.

I don't know if I have enough filling. Oh, darling.

I know a hot farmer might have a few extra apples lying around.

I'm on it.

Want to give me a hand, Chatty?

Sure.

Okay, Faith, now it's time to find Sheriff Knoll. Tell him that he and the

carolers need to be ready to rock at 7 o 'clock.

But Sheriff Knoll thinks he's trapped with his sister.

Right, okay.

Tell him that if this doesn't work, he can arrest me.

Now go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

Okay.

Help a friend in need.

Nailed it.

The free pie's here, everyone.

Hey, Sarah.

You ready to belt?

Oh, what is this, like Christmas charades? Look, I'm sorry, we do not

for that right now.

Sorry, do you think that I'm the Christmas killer?

Hello?

No, and the other carolers came down with laryngitis?

In the last two minutes?

What are the odds, right?

Satan's the odds.

I'd do it, Holly, but I have a terrible singing voice.

The concert's canceled.

Again. No, no, no, no, no. Look, somebody has to, you know, like, sing

soul.

And I think I know who that someone has to be.

Hey, everybody. Hi. Hello. Can everybody hear me? Okay.

We don't want to see or hear you, Christmas killer. Oh, okay. Wow.

Seriously.

Look, I'm here tonight desperate to bring back Ornament's wonderful spirit,

which Satan has stolen.

The woman speaks the truth.

Cookie, I've done a lot of thinking about how important family is. I mean,

what Christmas time is all about.

I've been a terrible little sister to you, and I really hope that it's not too

late for us.

I need you to see, I need you all to see that people can

change.

Hit it, Faith.

What child is this too late to rest?

was sleeping whom angels

greet with random sweet while

shepherds watch

God and angels sing

Dad would have been so proud.

Thank you, Cookie.

I love you.

Say you'll come home.

Stay for Christmas.

I would like that very much.

But I think that I'm going to have to ask my cute lawyer.

Oh, my God.

Oh, no.

It's Carol from Carol's Electronics.

toying with us.

We have to keep the Christmas spirit in order to defeat that devil.

I have a plan.

It's on, bitch.

Light up the world.

Of course, Daddy's tree lighting ceremony. You're a genius, Holly. There

Kevin, what are you doing here?

Your friend Chad posted that video of her speaking song last night. Sorry I

doubted you. That anchor job is yours.

Christy's already cleared out her dressing room.

She cried. It was pregnancy hormones.

That's very kind of you, but, I mean, not the Christy part. That's horrible,

I'm not interested.

Look, there are more important things in the world than being Connie Chung.

Oh, and Kevin, you're going to want to film that.

Okay.

Grant, hey.

We're going back to town.

They ain't going to be here soon.

Maybe they're just late.

Or maybe I was just less convincing than you thought.

We should get started.

Yeah, okay.

Evening, ornament.

You may be small.

But we are mighty!

Right?

Okay.

Here goes nothing.

We're ready for you, Satan!

Yeah.

Show yourself!

Happy holidays!

We can't let that demon ruin our joy! So let's light up this tree!

beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

Everyone in the town is up there.

That's why people didn't come to the ceremony.

Alive. Santa's fix didn't work.

Satan won.

Woo!

All because I couldn't botch him spell at seven.

That's what he meant.

The last part of Santa's riddle.

because we are not afraid of you. Are you sure, Frost?

It's winters again, Dick. No one cares.

I never meant to write to you all those years ago, and we are taking back

Christmas because it's ours.

It's rude to take back a gift, Sugar Plum. You were raised better than that.

no, wait a second. I totally killed your parents.

the past few days, I have rediscovered the Christmas spirit. I believe in hot

cocoa, candy canes, caroling, Christmas presents, gingerbread houses. I believe

in snowmen, no women, no days. I believe in the goodness of people.

I believe in love.

But there is one thing that I do not believe in, and that's you.

What? Time to light this mother up.

No.

No. No. No. No. No.

I have something to confess.

Oh, the leather's too much. You're dumping me. No, no.

My real name is Johannes Strudel, and I'm the Prince of Meccano.

You mean Monaco?

No, Meccano. It's a small country in West Eastern Europe.

I came to Ornament to be ordinary, to plant apple trees.

But I have found my prince.

I'm ready to go home.

Will you?

Marry me, Chatty. Me?

A princess prince?

Yeah.

But we've only been dating, like, one day.

Yeah. What am I saying? I do!

Kevin.

Oh, damn.

All it took was having a little faith in Christmas.

Hi.

So, I'm like, I'm really sorry for getting you killed by the Angel of

and for, like, being such an asshole.

No sweat.

Maybe we can try that van thing again?

Oh.

Take down my wife.

Yeah,

um, I could... Chris,

what is this? Hopefully it's not a hand.

Something you deserved a long time ago.

Oh my god!

A Darby's dream wagon?

How did you know?

A little Christmas birdie told me.

It's perfect.

Thank you.

Whoa, whoa, uh... We're still not gonna... I... I thought... I thought

were, like, in the final act, so... Uh... Just...

The next woman I do that with, I want to be the woman in there.

Are you ready to come home?

Be with me?

Be a mother to Faith?

Chris, I...

And ready to love.

But... You're so not the one.

I may rediscover the Holy Spirit and have a Christmas candle inside my heart,

but... That doesn't mean I want to be with somebody so... Bland.

Hot. Like, so... You're so hot. But I mean... Bland.

And I don't want to be anyone's mom. Like, ever.

So... Yeah.

Excuse me. Uh, Cookie, can you... Oh, thanks. Sure. Thank you.

Uh, where is the... Ah, not today.

Ah, Goldman!

Hey, I'm, uh, I'm ready for that dance now.

And this.

Oh! Wow.

Um, Danica?

Do you swing?

I think you should ask.

We do.

What do you say?

Nice and toasted for you