All language subtitles for Desperate Housewives Season 6 Episode 19 - We All Deserve to Die

Previously on Desperate Housewives,
Gabby learned a secret.

Lee and I are trying to adopt a baby.

Mike made a commitment.

I can be a guy who takes care of his
family.

Lynette was warned.

I told Preston I want to move up wedding
to next week. Next week?

A killer put everyone on edge.

I can't believe she's dead. I gotta go
home. My mom's so freaked out. This

have been me. She wants me around.

So you're my brother?

Half -brother.

To be precise.

Suspicion was born. What do we really
know about Sam?

I should find out everything I can. Why
shouldn't you? He's your brother.

And a very dangerous man arrived on
Wisteria Lane.

Good neighbors.

They loan you cups of sugar.

They tell you why your car won't start.

They even help you find your lost pet.

I just want to know who this person is.
Good neighbors also come over at the

slightest hint of trouble.

Whether you want them there or not.

You know what? I'm tired of fighting
them. Okay, fine. Walk away. It's what

always do.

Gabby, what are you doing?

I came to return this magazine Lee lent
me, but you two were arguing, so... So

you decided it would be fun to
eavesdrop?

God, you seem to my soul, and yet you
don't judge.

Thank you.

Oh, come on, tell me what happened.

Our egg donor backed out.

Not again.

And the surrogate we hired will pull out
if the procedure isn't done in the next

month. Oh, can't you find another egg
donor?

We could if Lee wasn't so picky.

Why are you discussing this with her?

For God's sake, that was eavesdropping.
Catch up.

Okay, yeah, I'm picky.

We spent two years choosing a mattress.

I'm not just going to get our child's
DNA out of the yellow pages.

If we lose the surrogate, it could take
months to find another one. Yeah, and

then she'll drop out for some ridiculous
reason, and I can't take any more of

this.

Yeah, maybe we're not supposed to be
parents.

Don't talk like that. Come on, doesn't
it seem like the universe is trying to

tell us something?

Why not take mine?

Take your what?

My eggs.

I mean, I've got plenty, and I hate to
see you guys so unhappy.

So what the heck?

Good neighbors.

They're people who try to help others.

Bad neighbors are people who make
promises they can't possibly keep.

The morning paper said a young girl was
missing.

It quoted her family, who said she had
vanished on her way to work.

It quoted her friends, who said she
wasn't the type to run away from home.

It quoted the police, who said they had
very little evidence to go on.

Sadly, people didn't pay much attention
to this bit of news.

No one thinks about evil until it shows
up on their doorstep,

which it soon would.

Lady, put that thing down. Oh, yeah, and
while I'm at it, why don't I just hand

you the keys now?

Hit the dirt.

Relax. I'm not stealing anything.

This is a repossession.

Do I look stupid to you? Fire!

Fire! What the hell are you doing?

People come quicker when you yell fire.

Now, I believe I told you to hit the
dirt.

Where's the fire?

Susan, you okay?

I'm fine. Just call 911.

Hey, what's going on?

This thief is trying to steal your
truck.

Hey. You're the guy who's four months
behind on his payments?

Yeah.

Stop, drop, and roll!

Stop, drop, and roll!

Why didn't you tell me you were having
money problems?

I was hoping business would pick up
before anybody found out.

But I guess that's no longer an option.

Like we talked about this, I told you I
am willing to help.

And I told you I'm not taking my wife's
money.

Well, enough with the macho pride. I
make a steady paycheck.

And I have all that money from selling
Carl's Strip Club.

No, I'm definitely not taking your ex
-husband's money. Are we done here?

Sure, as long as you can explain how
you're going to run a plumbing business

without a truck.

I don't know.

I'll figure it out.

And for the cover of the book, I see you
in an evening gown, sitting on a bale

of hay, ringing a dinner bell. I love
it. Such a sense of windy.

Well, if it isn't the dynamic duo.

How did your meeting with the publisher
go?

Fantastic. Bruce loved the idea of a
Nouvelle Southern cookbook.

And your brother came up with the
marketing slogan, In the Room.

Tell him, Sam.

Mrs. Vandekamp introduces you to upscale
down -home cuisine.

Catchy.

I guess you know all about marketing,
having an MBA and all.

I guess so.

Except, of course, you don't actually
have an MBA.

What are you talking about?

I made a few calls, checked a few
records.

Turns out the golden child never got his
degree.

Is this true?

Yes, I'm a few classes short.

Is one of them ethics?

Andrew, please.

I don't understand.

It was the final semester.

We were about two months in when the
doctor told me my mother was terminal.

I left school and brought her home so
she didn't have to die in the hospital.

If you like, I can save you a phone call
and bring in her death certificate.

That's okay.

The university let me graduate with my
class. I should finish my coursework

month. But I'm sorry, Bree. I should not
have misrepresented myself.

Everyone steps over the line now and
then. Let's all make an effort not to.

Shall we?

This woman is incompetent.

Why you bring me here?

Hey, you're the one who had to come to a
Russian bridal shop.

It wasn't thick.

Well, look at the fun you're having
chewing people out in your native

Look, hey, I'm sorry for the way she's
been talking to you.

Don't worry, you're not losing a son.
You are gaining a pain in the ass.

Tell me about it.

My son is marrying a woman he barely
knows. He's making the biggest mistake

his life, and I am powerless to stop
him.

If you like, maybe I get a little floppy
with the pushpin.

You're sweet.

Irina? It's your phone.

If he's pressed, then tell him I'll be
home soon.

Okay, Your Highness.

Bride's phone.

Okay. Slow down.

I... I don't speak Russian. Irina, it's
some Russian guy, and he doesn't sound

happy.

What

was

that? Wrong number.

Wrong number? He asked for you by name.

If I wanted you to know, I would say it
in English.

Mrs.

I can say it in English.

Hey, double cappuccino, extra hot.

Need anything else?

Inspiration.

Sorry, we just have muffins.

What are you working on?

A novel.

I know, another guy in a coffee shop
writing a novel, just what the world

Well, I think it's cool.

Mind if I ask what it's about?

You really want to know?

I do.

It started out as a love story.

But it's getting kind of dark.

This guy meets this girl.

Takes her from nothing.

Gives her life meaning.

Basically creates her.

Okay.

Then one day...

She just disappears.

Vanishes.

With another man.

Sucks for the guy.

And she takes his baby.

Damn. She sounds like a bitch.

Sure does.

Anyhow, I'm up to the point where the
guy who's been looking for her for a

time finally tracks her down.

And that's where I'm kind of stuck.

What does he do?

Well, I don't know all the details, but
you said it was dark, right?

Yeah.

Seems to me the guy would kill her.

Funny, that was exactly my first
instinct, too.

No. No?

You asked my permission to be an egg
donor, and I said no.

Oh, I wasn't asking you. I was telling
you.

Sorry, you can't do this without my
approval. Those eggs are half mine.

How so?

I'm your husband. I own 50 % of whatever
comes out of that uterus.

Oh, so you think you own my body.

I pay for the clothes it wears, the
massages it receives, and the implants

will one day require.

If I don't own it, I'm at least a major
stockholder, which means I can stop you

from handing out your eggs like party
favors to every childless gay couple

wanders by.

Stop me. I can do whatever I want with
my eggs.

And I can do whatever I want with the
credit cards I pay for. For example, I

cut them up. I don't care about credit
cards.

I am trying to do something noble here.
I'm helping these people become a

family.

You've hidden the cards, haven't you?

Damn straight.

Okay, I am begging you as your husband,
please don't do this.

It'll be too weird having your DNA
living next door.

I don't care. My mind is made up. I'm
going to help Bob and Lee have a baby so

they can experience the same love and
joy that we occasionally have with our

children.

So, the Russian sales girl translated
for me, and you'll never guess what

said to the angry guy on the phone.

Please don't make me guess.

She said, go ahead and call the police.
You'll never find me.

And that's it.

How much more do you need?

She is a foreigner. She's done something
criminal. Start your deportation now.

Ma 'am, without proof of criminal
activity, there's nothing I can do.

Why can't you at least interrogate her?

Yes, and if you want to slap her around
a bit, you'll get no complaints from me.

Look, Mrs. Scava, we are a government
agency.

We can't investigate your future
daughter -in -law just because you don't

she's good for your son.

That all make sense now? You're single,
right? Never had any kids? Yeah, so?

You just don't get it.

Hey, nice looking family. That your
daughter -in -law?

Yeah. You two get along?

Don't get me started.

Got a minute?

Okay, what are you doing?

Plumbing the sink.

What? Daddy needs work.

Oh, honey, that's sweet.

Daddy only gets paid when other people
have plumbing problems.

So I should do this to somebody else's
sink?

No, honey, that would be wrong.

I'm having a problem with Mike and his
male ego.

Long story short, can I clog your drain?

So don't phone Mike until I get home.

And when you call him, sound desperate.

That way he'll feel you.

But don't call till Saturday. He gets
double time on weekends.

There's enough there for a tip, but
careful when you give it to him. I don't

want him thinking anyone's doing him a
favor.

Trust me, Bruce. After they taste these
recipes, they will be on board.

Just give me the chance to dazzle them.

Okay. Bye.

Problems? Bruce got a little resistance
when he met with the sales team. They

fear southern cookbooks are a tad
overdone.

So I suggest that we have a little
dinner to let them sample the recipes

themselves. Excellent.

We have to really impress them. Let's
see if we can book the private dining

at the Britannian Hotel.

I'll take care of it.

But before I do, I have something
difficult to say.

Well, I hope it's not about that silly
MBA business.

I think I know why Andrew tried to
discredit me yesterday.

Oh?

He knew you had me auditing the books,
and he knew what I was going to find.

What did you find?

You charge the Donnellys for five cases
of vodka?

Yeah, so?

According to our invoices, only four
were delivered to their party, and the

Rotary Club luncheon was charged for
seven cases of wine, and only six showed

up.

Why are you even looking at this stuff?

And I seem to recall you having a party
that same weekend with lots of wine and

lots of vodka. Okay, yeah, I took some
leftover booze to my house for a party.

What's the big deal? It wasn't leftover.
You charged the client for that liquor.

That's stealing.

Is Sam the one who told you about this?
We are not talking about Sam right now.

But we need to.

Can't you see the type of person he is?
Yes, he is the type of person who leaves

college to care for his dying mother.
You are the type of person who steals

clients.

Believe what you want to believe, but
I'm not going to listen to this.

Andrew?

Don't you walk away from me.

Can't you see how he's manipulating you?

How stupid can you be? Apparently I'm
stupid enough to have trusted you.

Well, if I'm the problem, why not just
fire me? I'm tempted. Don't push me.

Clear your things out and turn in your
keys.

Hey, Tom.

Did Irina and Preston say when they'd be
back from the mall?

Stop!

Stop what?

Not you. I'm teaching Parker to drive.

I'm planning to steal Irina's passport
number.

Oh, God, what are you up to now?

I have a new best friend at immigration
who's got a friend at the Russian

embassy who's agreed to initiate a
background search.

Lynette, this is getting out of hand.

That woman is hiding something, and I am
taking her down.

Ah!

Come on.

We shouldn't be in here with the door
closed.

My mom gets a little freaked out.

Well, your mother is a prude.

That is what happens to a woman when
they grow old.

Look at me.

Who's that?

Your mom.

Get home now.

Trapped behind the closet door, Preston
and Irina are about to... Pull over.

I gotta get home fast.

I can go fast.

You're getting my mom now.

No. It was making fun.

Honey maple short ribs drizzled with
manzanilla sherry.

These are amazing.

Bruce's sales team will be powerless to
resist.

Well, you were really focused on this
dinner, which is amazing, considering

happened.

I mean, firing your own son.

I've done worse things to Andrew.

We have a very complicated relationship.

You'll see that the longer you're at the
company.

How? You fired him. No, that's just our
pattern. He provokes me and I push him

away, but we always come back together.

So, you're going to bring him back in?

Eventually. But this stealing, the way
he spoke to you... Sam, he's my son.

Hey, busy day, huh?

Yeah, busy week.

So funny, I've had all this work right
here on the lane.

Well, that's good, right? Especially
since you don't have your truck.

Uh -huh.

Hey, guess what I found?

Oh, my earring.

I've been looking all over for that.
Where'd you find it?

Gabby's bathtub drain.

Oh.

Gabby and I went jogging, and then I
hugged her. So my earring probably got

caught in her sports bra when she went
to take a bath. Hey, do you

want to have sex?

So Gabby's drain, Angie's garbage
disposal, Lynette's toilet. I mean the

dirty sex.

So now I have to return all that money.

No, you don't.

Gave it to them.

You're saying everyone on the street
knows I'm having financial trouble?

Well, I think they already figured that
out when they saw your truck get

repossessed out of our driveway.

This is humiliating, Susan.

I'm sorry, but it all could have been
prevented if you'd just let me make a

stupid payments on your truck.

I told you, I don't want your help. This
is my business.

My problem. You know, I don't remember
all those my's in our wedding vows. It's

supposed to be a partnership.

If you can't let me help you, maybe
there's something wrong with our

I'm not going to listen to this, all
right? I'm tired.

I had a busy day wasting my time.

I sleep on the couch.

Penny? You up there?

Hello?

Oh, jeez, Nick, you scared me.

I think I got home and I thought I heard
a noise.

No, it's fine.

It's very homical.

To Gabrielle Solis, the best neighbor
two childless, upwardly mobile gay guys

could ever have.

Hey! No, no, that was purely ceremonial.
We don't want you drinking.

Why? Does it affect my fertility?

That. And you're kind of a sloppy trope.

Fine.

Let's talk baby.

So, what are you guys hoping for? A boy
or a girl?

I want a girl. That way we can put her
in baby beauty pageants.

Yeah, they're so cute in their makeup
and rhinestone dresses.

Really? You guys gonna do that?

Why not?

It's just I kind of dabbled in that
world, and for me it was a bit much.

Well, don't panic.

50 % chance it's a boy.

Then it's makeup and rhinestone bath.

What? He's kidding.

He better be. There's no way I'm
allowing that.

Now that I think about it, I do hope we
have a boy.

And why is that?

I already have two girls. I'm so sick of
buying dresses. When he's old enough,

I'm going to take him on the biggest
shopping spree ever.

I guess you can do that when we come
back to visit.

Visit? Where are you going?

My mother lives in upstate New York. We
thought we'd move closer to her so the

baby can be around family.

Really?

Is that a problem?

It just never occurred to me that you
guys would leave and take my only son.

Gabby, this child, it'll have your
genes.

But it won't be yours.

You get that, right?

Of course.

I mean, it's the only way it can work,
right?

Come on.

You ready?

Okay, no peeking.

Are you going to beat me again this
time?

Guys?

No.

Mommy, why do you look so sad?

Well, I was just thinking about what it
would be like if I couldn't see your

face every day and it made me sad.

What's going on?

I'm out of the kitchen.

I want you to spend some time with these
people. Mingle, have a drink. I don't

drink, Bruce. I'm an alcoholic.

One drink. I'm not asking you to swing
from the chandelier. Why are you so

nervous?

I really put my neck on the line for
this book, Bree.

No one likes the idea.

No one.

Oh, I should have stopped at just one
drink.

Look, they are going to love the food.

I hope so.

Because if they don't, I don't see how
you're going to publish another book of

any kind.

Pop two, people. This is a big one.

Is something wrong?

What's this?

It's the cherry we drizzle on the rim.

This isn't cherry. This is vinegar.
Vinegar?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

It's ruined.

They're all ruined. It's disgusting.

The floor's not looking so great,
either.

Stop! We can't serve this food.

We've already taken out most of the
plates. Well, don't just stand there. Go

them back.

How can it be vinegar?

We tested the recipe last night, and it
was perfect. And then I locked the

sherry in the liquor cabinet.

Who had access?

Did you give Andrew's keys to anyone
after you fired him? He never returned

key.

Oh, Bree.

They won't get the plates back.

The publisher guy's giving a little
speech, and then they're going to eat.

No, no, no, no. I'm not going to lose my
cookbook career over this.

God.

Hand me that toy.

Bon Appetit, everybody.

I just made you real hot chocolate.

Don't I get a smile?

My son tried to ruin my career tonight.

I don't think I'll ever smile again.

Honestly, I don't think Andrew had
anything to do with it.

You don't? Look at the planning that
went into it.

The vinegar had to be substituted for
the sherry after you'd selected the

bottle, but before you'd left for the
event.

And the ingredient had to be something
you wouldn't sample.

Come on.

Andrew's not clever enough to pull that
off. He can't even feel a case of wine

without getting caught.

Well, then who do you think did it?

Well, it'd have to be somebody pretty
smart.

At least smart enough to get an MBA.

Sam?

That's ridiculous.

Why would he want to hurt me?

Who said he wanted to hurt you?

Andrew's the one taking this fall.

No, that's not possible.

What if they stand again?

What a good question.

Enjoy your chocolate.

Every once in a while I catch Susan
looking at me this certain way.

You know, I'm putting on my shirt or
mowing the lawn. I'll turn my head and

catch her with this look in her eyes.

And I know.

She's thinking that she's lucky to have
me.

So how can I tell her I'm dead and
broke?

How can I say, I can't take your money
because it won't begin to cover the

I've been racking up for the last year?

She thinks it's a couple of truck
payments.

She's got no idea.

This will really hurt her.

She found out I kept this from her.

I don't think I'd ever see that look
from her again.

And I can't let that happen.

Tell me how much you need.

Double cap, extra hot, right?

Wow.

Good memory.

I haven't seen you for a while. I
thought maybe you left town.

I'm not leaving until I finish my book.

Oh, right, yeah. How's that going?

Did the guy kill her?

I tried to write it that way.

He went over there. She was alone.

He had the chance.

And what happened?

Just seemed too easy.

So are you stuck again?

No.

I've got a better idea.

If you think about it, the worst part of
what she did was taking the kid, right?

So, I figure the best way for him to get
revenge

is to take something from her.

But what can he take that's going to be
as bad as what she did?

He's going to take the kid, right?

That's what I'm thinking.

Hey.

Hey.

So I guess Carl talked to you guys?

He did.

I feel awful.

The more he thought about it, he just
couldn't let me do this.

Let's face it, he does have a say.

That's completely understandable, Gabby.
It was a lot to ask.

So, where's Lee? I want to talk to him,
too.

He left.

Left?

After Carlos came over, Lee and I got
into yet another fight, and... we broke

up.

Are you kidding me?

Lee says he can't go through it again.

I'm determined to have a child, so...

Is there anything I can do?

No. Right.

Sorry.

It's okay, Gabby. Like I said, it was a
lot to ask.

My left shoe is missing. We'll find it.
I can't get married in one shoe. Just

get dressed. The wedding starts in half
an hour.

Maybe he should wear sneakers.

He'll be wild, like he's too cool to
care.

Or I could just help him keep looking.

There you go.

Lynette! Help me look for Preston's
shoe!

Lynette!

What are you doing?

I need your help. Preston can't find his
shoe.

I put it in the oven.

Why? Because that woman at immigration
never called me back, and I am screwed.

Oh, honey.

Come on. Hiding a shoe isn't going to
stop them from getting married.

I know. I just wanted a few more minutes
before I had to tell my son I'm not

going to his wedding.

Lynette. I will not be a hypocrite, Tom.
I know how you feel. But if you think

Irina's got power now, just you wait
until you don't show up to your son's

wedding. Oh, I wish.

I wish.

I went to church more often. I could
really use a favor from the man upstairs

right about now.

Scalvo!

You're not going to believe what I
found.

I'll see you Sunday morning.

You look beautiful.

Thank you.

I'm guessing this one's much nicer than
your first wedding dress, you know?

When you got married in Russia to Alexei
Kotikov.

Here in America, we actually get
divorced before we get married again.

Otherwise, you spend your honeymoon in
jail.

Alexei told me if I marry him, he will
give me a good life.

But he didn't.

He never worked.

He treated me badly.

Now he won't sign the divorce papers
unless I give him money.

Uh -huh.

Okay. That explains.

What about the guy in Italy who pressed
charges after you cleaned out his

bank account?

That guy was a pig.

Believe me, I earned every penny.

We have a term in America for women who
get paid for sex, and it's not daughter

-in -law.

You know why it doesn't bother me that
you don't like me?

Can't wait.

Because it really doesn't matter.

All that matters is that one hour from
now, I will have a ring on this

finger.

And I will be the most important person
in his life.

So, keep pressing your little file.

I will explain it all away.

And he will believe every word we owe
you, Dad.

Preston.

Mom, do you mind?

I need to talk to Irina.

Hey. Your father told me you called off
the wedding.

Obviously, I think you are doing the
right thing.

I know you hate me right now, and I just
want you to know that I am okay with

that.

I love you so much. I would rather have
you resent me or even cut me off

completely than to allow you to make a
mistake that could ruin your life.

So go ahead.

Hate me for as long as you want. And
when you are done, I will be here

Try not to take too long, because I miss
you already.

Hey.

Hey, where are you going?

Motel. I feel like a flight out of this
horrible place.

The gobbles couldn't even give you a
lift?

It's harsh.

I want nothing from the gobbles.

They're dead to me.

Lucky for you, I am not a scavo.

Sorry

about

the wedding.

It's practice loss, man. I mean, it'll
never get someone as hot as you again. I

don't want to talk about it.

Sure, you know, I get that.

Now, if you want to save money, you
could always skip the motel and stay at

place.

I don't think so.

No, I promise. No funny business.

I mean, unless you want some.

Yeah, I mean, think of it as a
transition relationship.

It'll help you get over Preston.

I have no problem letting you use me.
Okay, enough.

I'm a little out of your league, don't
you think?

I mean, I didn't come to America to end
up with some greasy head little boy.

Abby? We all know that evil exists.

The newspapers are filled with stories
about young girls who suddenly vanish.

But we don't pay attention because we're
worried about our marriages,

concerned about our friendships,

anxious about our

employees,

Yes, we don't pay attention to evil
because we think it will never come to

house.

But it does.

I'm here to pick up Porter for school.

And sometimes... How you doing?

We let it in.