All language subtitles for The Mindy Project (2012) - S05E01 - Decision 2016 (1080p Blu-ray x265 Panda)

Previously
on "The Mindy Project"...

I need to meet her,

because if I keep
feeling this way,

I don't know
that I can stay with Danny.

- Come on in, ma'am.
- It's great to meet you.

- I'm Doctor Lahiri.
- Oh, hi, I'm Mara.

Oh, Danny didn't tell you?
We're engaged.

I hope you can come.

You haven't told the mother
of your child you're engaged.

You have not moved on.

- What happened?
- It just... it stopped.

Hello?
Hello?

Okay, stop.
Stop screaming.

It's a school on a Friday night.

- No one's here.
- I'm gonna miss my flight.

Did anything ever get serious
with the girls you were dating?

You go back to her

Danny, what are you
thinking about?

And I go back to

It's okay.

Imagine, Mindy,
this whole place was yours.

You had all the space
in the world for little Leo.

Jody, I can't afford this place.

No, I bought it for you.

It's a normal thing to do

for someone I might...
possibly...

be in love with.

And I go back

To black

Mindy.
Mindy, you didn't answer me.

So what do you think?

- About what you just said?
- Mm-hmm.

Or the apartment?

Or my irreverent take
on pop culture?

I will never see
the new "Ghostbusters."

You know how difficult
that was for me to say, right?

Kimball-Kinneys
do not confess romantic love.

Familial love?
Fine.

Love between a man
and his horse? Sure.

I've even kissed the Georgia
state flag more than once.

What you said
and getting me this apartment

I mean, that is the nicest thing

that anyone has
ever done for me.

Kind of the nicest thing that anyone
has ever done for anyone.

- Whew.
- So thank you.

And honestly,
I am super attracted to you.

- Oh.
- You are handsome and rugged.

Like a lumberjack in a porno.

Great, well,
to the bedroom, then.

No. No.
To the door for now.

- Oh.
- This is a lot.

And I'm not a particularly
thoughtful or analytical person,

so I need some time.

- You understand.
- Yes, yes, of course.

We waited this long.
Why rush it?

For the first time,
our timing is right.

It's not like either one of us
have someone else in our lives

keeping us apart, so...

- Mm-hmm.
- Okay.

Bye.

This has been the strangest day.

One man gives me a new upstairs.

Another gives it to me
downstairs.

And here I am,
caught in a love triangle...

the sexiest of all shapes.

Jody or Danny?
Danny or Jody?

Jody is genteel and kind.

Danny is...
getting married?

What the fu...

Yes, yeah, hold on a second.

Hello?

What is wrong with you?

Oh, you got the invite.
Cool.

You're getting married, Danny?

Look, I can explain.

I met someone,
and we're getting married.

Hey, man,
that explanation sucks.

- Yeah.
- Danny Castellano.

I was having sex with you
in an elevator six hours ago.

My mouth was having sex with you
seven hours ago.

Look, it's not my fault.
You were acting all sweet.

You got me hopped up
on that sugar candy.

You're dressed like Madeline
from those kids books.

I couldn't help it.

You never even mentioned
this Sarah person before,

and now you're
getting married to her?

Really, you had plenty of time
to tell me in that elevator.

I knew it was wrong,
but come on, Min.

Like the sex wasn't
gonna happen?

You and me in an elevator,
trapped all night?

Our thing was never really
deep conversation.

But now you've turned me
into an adulterer, Danny.

And I'm barely an adult.

I have done some bad things
in my life, okay?

I lie about my age.

I pick at
the Whole Foods hot bar.

Sometimes I sneeze in it.

I once took a brooch off of
a dead woman at a funeral, okay?

But I am not an adulterer.

I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry.

Well, who is she?

Her name is Sarah,
and she works at my practice,

and we started dating
a few months ago,

and it got serious.

That's so fast.

I was seven months pregnant,

and you didn't want
to propose to me.

And then I really wanted
to marry you,

and you ruined my life.

- I ruined your life?
- Yeah.

I gave you a beautiful son

and jerk-off material
for a lifetime.

Is the ring huge?

Not as big as yours,
if that's what you're asking.

Heh-heh-heh-heh.

Oh, God, what is wrong with me?

What's wrong with me?

I got to tell Sarah
and call off this wedding.

I think telling Sarah
is the right decision.

Yeah. You're right.
I'm gonna tell her tonight.

Good.

So it's settled.

I'm gonna tell her.

But since we're both here

and it's basically
the same day...

I mean, I did tell you
everything

that I needed to tell you.

And I haven't taken
a shower yet, so...

And from a religious standpoint,

we'd just be piggybacking
on the first sin.

Mm.

- Right?
- Mm.

Mm, whoa, whoa, hey, hey.

- What?
- Hey.

- What?
- Stop being sexy.

- Okay?
- I'm not being sexy.

Hindu gods do not like adultery,

and I want to get reincarnated
as something cool,

like a ladybug or a race car.

I'm already on thin ice.

Just call me
when you've spoken to Sarah.

You go.
I'll talk to Sarah.

- Catch up later.
- To be continued.

- Okay. Good-bye.
- Good-bye.

Good-bye.
I'm gonna go.

Okay, you sure
you don't want to just...

- I'm gonna go.
- You want to stay?

- Okay.
- You gonna go now?

- No, no, no.
- You should go.

You should go,
and then I'll find you

once I talked to Sarah,
which is gonna be tonight.

- Nice to see you.
- Great to see you.

Okay. Big day.

Decide who I'm in love with

and convince everyone
I spent the weekend in Miami.

Did anyone RSVP
to Dr. C's wedding?

I did.
I hand-delivered it.

It's just more personal.

Plus, I get to keep a stamp.

Danny's getting married?

I didn't get an invitation.

- Were you invited, Colette?
- Yeah.

But I'm not trying to get
with his baby mama.

But I could.

Maybe I'll use the envelope
to write Dr. C

and tell him how excited I am
about the wedding.

Do you feel
any loyalty to Mindy?

She's gonna be devastated
by this news.

So you're not going
to the wedding?

Yeah, obviously, I'm going.

I never get invited to anything.

I was turned down
by the Chili's birthday club.

It's just,
I feel so bad for her, Tamra.

Just to be clear, not bad enough

not to go to the wedding.

Hey, everyone.

Back from Miami,

as evidenced by my 100% official
Dan Marino Dolphins jersey.

Wait, but this tag says
"New York Sports."

It's a national chain.

You know,
there could be one in Miami.

I have never been more convinced

of anything in my life.

Enough about the Miami trip

that I definitely went on.

What's happening with you?

The little people?
I want to know.

Beverly.

Everyone's real worried
you're gonna lose it

because Dr. C's
marrying a white woman.

I'm excited for the wedding.

- Even you got invited.
- Yeah.

I'm reading a poem
by Pablo Neruder.

Okay, well, you know what, guys?

That's ridiculous.

I mean, of course, I was
a little shocked at first

when I heard, but you know what,
the wedding is months away.

Who knows
if it's even gonna happen?

Uh, it better happen.

I just spent $2,000
on a tuxedo I cannot afford

that is not my size.

I wish you made
better financial decisions.

What better decision is there

than a $2,000
brown corduroy tuxedo?

I'm sorry...
hello?

Ah.

Okay.
Well, you know what, guys?

I'm very happy
with my personal life right now,

so I'm gonna go start my day.

Damn, Jody!

You have got Dr. L on the hook!

Ugh!
She was all smiling at you.

- All googly-eyed.
- She was.

You guys this weekend,
I bet, are gonna be like,

- "Uh... uh-uh."
- Oh.

- "Uh-uh-uh."
- All right.

Right there. Like, "Bam."
Like, "Bam."

Like what?

- Like what?
- Okay. Colette.

Oh, I can't get...

You know what I've said
about your erotic pantomimes.

Although she was very smiley,
wasn't she?

Mm-hmm.

I thought she was giving me
dough eyes.

You know, the way
she looks at cookie dough.

When you first told me
that you bought Dr. L an apartment,

I was like, "That is really
thirsty and emasculating."

- Thirsty?
- But it worked.

So props, bro.
What's next?

Well, I am using the classic

Kimball-Kinney
seduction technique...

heat up a woman
with a romantic gesture,

then back off.

Let it simmer.

Works for soup too.

- I'm so proud of you, big bro.
- Thank you.

To be honest,
I was getting worried about you.

I thought you might kill
yourself out of loneliness.

Oh, my God.

You know,
like all of our uncles.

Well, good thing
I'm happy, then.

I'm so relieved.

I'm gonna call
the groundskeeper.

I'm gonna tell him
to seal up that mausoleum.

We don't need it.

Okay.

Oh, Jody.
Just right there.

Tamra, I'm thrilled
that I'm getting to teach you

this medical billing software.

It makes processing invoices

as easy as brushing off
a harmful insult.

Shulman & Associates.
This is Tamra.

Thank God you called.

This is Dr. Lionel Green
from Bleeker Quaker.

Leo's school.
I need to speak to Mindy Lahiri.

Oh, she took a whole
"Vanity Fair" into the bathroom.

It's gonna be a minute.

But I would love to talk.

My boss is showing me a manual.

"Hit F3 to automate
the medical code filing."

- Oh, yeah.
- It's poetry.

This is in regards

to Dr. Lahiri and Dr. Castellano

being locked in our elevator
on Friday night.

No, Friday night?
She was in Miami on Fri...

She did tell me
she saw a manatee

but used too much detail
to describe it,

like it was fake,

talking about, "He measured
up to 4 meters long."

I-I can't speak to that,

but she was here on Friday,

and our lawyers have advised me
to extend our apologies

without admitting
any culpability,

which I have now done.
Good-bye.

Oh, hey, Tamra.

What's Dr. L's first name?

I'm gonna need to know it
if she becomes my sister-in-law.

I don't know.

And I don't think
you need to worry about it,

'cause I don't think she's
gonna be your sister-in-law.

What?
Oh, because she's tan?

It's fine. My daddy's
other family is tan too, so...

No. It's because Dr. L and Dr. C

were hooking up this weekend.

Pfft. No way.
She was in Miami.

Did you not see
the Dolphins jersey?

Well, what about
Leo's principal calling

and saying that Dr. L and Dr. C
were stuck in an elevator

all Friday night?

Why would she hook up with Dr. C

when she's in love
with my brother?

And who wouldn't be?

He is rugged.

He's got a flat
but muscular butt

and the sharpest Adam's apple
in the game.

- I've seen better.
- How dare you?

All right, come on.
We're going to that school...

- Yes.
- Where I will prove you wrong

for the first time
in our friendship.

Ugh.

Morgan, why aren't you
wearing your scrubs?

I have to stretch out my tux
for the wedding so I can sit.

I can see everything.

- I don't know what to tell you.
- Yo, yo.

I'm trying to bill
this patient of yours,

but her insurance
isn't coming up.

It was rill frustrating,
so I'm gonna need

a prescription for weed
for my anxiety.

Because...

Okay, nice try, pal.

I'd consider a prescription
for Adderall, but that's it.

Adderall?

What you think
I'm trying to do, woman,

finish my thesis?

Get out of here.

Oh, I remember this patient.

Mara Ashburn, she was weird.
I kind of liked her.

For insurance, she just wrote,

"Obamacare,
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue."

That's pretty strange.

It's like she made it up.

I don't know.

Hmm.

Whoa.

Oh, my God.

That's weird.

My patient has exactly
the same handwriting

as whoever wrote this RSVP card
for Danny's wedding.

I don't... I don't...
I don't see it.

It's different handwriting.
You know what?

I think actually
your eyesight's gettin' bad.

Maybe the diabetes
finally claimed it.

You know what,
let me handle this for you.

No. No, no.
Morgan, it's exactly the same.

Mara Ashburn.
Sarah Branum.

Mara Ashburn. Sarah Branum.

They're so different, I know.

It's like Morgan and Gorman.

Oh, my God, that's it!

Morgan, Mara Ashburn is
a Bananagram for Sarah Branum.

Danny's fiancée is my patient.

So Danny's fiancée came
to see me under an assumed name?

Why the hell would she do that?

I don't think it's that weird.

- You know what is weird?
- Eh?

I recently learned I've been
wearing my underwear backwards

my whole life.

I thought the slit
was a fart chimney.

This is terrifying.
She's gonna kill me.

And you know what?

I am going to be season three
of "Serial."

And the worst part is,
no one's gonna listen,

'cause season two was so boring.

I'm gonna call the cops.

No, wait!
Stop. Hold on. Stop.

It was me.

I'm the one that brought
Dr. C's fiancée into the office.

What?
Why would you do that?

Doctor Reed knew about it too!

Oh, you are in
for the pinching of a lifetime.

No, just listen...
Oh! Oh, God!

- Come with me! Come with me!
- Wait, wait, slow, slow, slow.

Hey!

Konnichiwa.

I'm painting a Japanese fan.

"Kyoto
in Cherry Blossom Season."

- I am mad at you!
- No, no, no! Stop! Stop!

How could you and Morgan not
tell me that Danny was engaged?

H-H-Hold on.
We wanted to.

But Sarah made us promise her
that we wouldn't,

okay, and she's just...
she's so sweet and pretty,

and I just... I...

I get why
Dr. C's in love with her.

Sarah's pretty?
Sarah's pretty?

- No one's pretty but me!
- Hey! Hey!

- Watch the fan.
- What were you two thinking?

We did what we thought was best.

Sarah was convinced that you
were a glamorous sex bot

and that you were about
to get with Danny.

How am I glamorous?

A police horse
licked my hair today.

Exactly! We just...
we had to show her

how plain and nonthreatening
you are.

And, look, by the way, as long
as there's nothing going on

with you and Dr. C,
it doesn't matter.

Yes, of course nothing's
going on with me and Danny.

I mean, that would be crazy.

We are Doctor Lahiri's
legal counsel.

A woman of color
was falsely imprisoned

in your broke-ass elevator
for an entire night.

She had no food.
She had no water.

She had no dignity.

This could be
a $50-million lawsuit

and a bad Yelp review.

Oh, no.

This is worse than when
we had Robert Durst read

from his children's book.

Ugh.
We've been doing this for hours.

There's nothing here.

Wait, is Danny stripping?
Hit Play.

Ew.
He's just peeing.

Dr. C is so normcore.

This is so boring.

I thought for sure
they hooked up.

See, Tamra?
I told you.

Nothing happened.

Why are you making that face?

That's your "ooh,
that's nasty" face.

Ooh, that is nasty!

No! No!

Make it stop!

Jody.

What do you do when you feel
guilty about something?

Well, I usually just donate
to the NAACP.

Why do you ask?

No reason, I just...

I have spent so much
of my life thinking

that I was the protagonist
in my own movie

that I never stopped
to think that maybe

I'm the villain
in somebody else's.

Well, you're certainly not
the villain in my movie, Mindy.

You're the amusing
ethnic second lead,

like that wonderful Oriental boy
in "Temple of Doom."

- Shorty?
- Hilarious.

I'm obviously that Indian priest

who rips the guy's heart out.

Great, now I'm hungry for heart.

No, I'm actually...
I'm not talking about you.

I'm talking about Danny.

Oh, you did everything you could

to make that relationship work.

You even had a baby.

And that usually makes things
last a couple years longer.

Guess what.

Turns out Dr. L
wasn't in Miami at all.

She was too busy hooking up
with Dr. C in an elevator.

Get up, Jody.

You are sitting
next to a home wrecker.

Everyone, just relax.

I didn't know that Danny was
engaged when I slept with him.

Pretty disappointing,
yeah, my friend?

I would never hook up
with Dr. C.

I would hug him all night,

kiss that little forehead.

Oh, what a time we would have.

Hey, who did that help
to say that?

- I don't know.
- And Jody is never gonna forgive you.

He takes a grudge to the grave.

Going by the strict laws
of Southern morality,

which are proudly engraved
in stone outside the courthouse,

Mindy has done nothing wrong.

She was unaware
that I'd purchased this apartment

before her innocent
elevator dalliance.

Thank you, Jody.
You see?

I am blameless,
for what is probably

the first time
in my entire life.

But we were
going to slut-shame her.

Who can we slut-shame now?

Yep?

Hey, Dr. L.
I need you to sign something.

- Okay.
- A boat loan for me.

Ugh, fine.
But don't sink this one.

So which one are you gonna pick?

I don't know.
McDonald's.

Ten-piece McNugs.
Quarter-pounder with cheese.

Big Mac.

Truth is,
I'll probably get all three.

No, Dr. K or Dr. C?

I think those are their names.

Well, it's a good question,
Beverly.

Danny makes the most sense.
You know, I care about him.

We have a son.
Our sex life is great.

And that's the most important
thing in life.

Except...
he slept with me

and he didn't even tell me
he was engaged.

Plus, we broke up for a reason.

Great.
Dr. K it is.

He's got a huge wiener.

Yeah, I really like Jody.

He's such a good friend,

and he's a great
business partner,

but honestly,
I don't feel a spark with him.

Well, you need a spark.

That's what kept me
and Bernie Sanders

together for so long
when we lived in Moscow.

Wait.
You're saying pick neither?

Beverly, are you insane?

I'm a single mother
barreling towards 40.

I should pick one
of the rich, handsome doctors

that will have me.

Why?

I should be happy
with whatever I can get.

I mean, picking neither
would be irresponsible.

If neither one
of these guys is right,

wait for someone special
to come along.

Until then, get escorts.

Or crank it.

Oh.

So don't operate
out of desperation.

That never occurred to me.

I'm bored talking about this.

Could you just sign the damn
thing so I can get my boat?

Yep.
Yes. Okay.

Oh.

Hey.

How'd Sarah take it?

Is she coming to kill you?
Is she coming to kill me?

No. No one's killing anybody.

- What are you doing with this?
- It's my machete.

Danny, you know
that's the only thing

that can cut through
the corns in my feet.

Danny Trejo actually signed it
for me at Comic-Con.

Listen.
I didn't tell Sarah yet.

What?
Why not?

Min, I need to know...

what... what's happening
with us right now?

I mean, if we get back together,

is it gonna be different
than what it was?

Because I'm gonna be
honest with you.

I can't go through that again.

Yeah, me neither.

So are you willing to change?

Am I...
are you willing to change?

No, I don't want to change.
I don't need to change.

Well, I don't think
I need to change either.

And that's what I thought,
so it's, uh...

It was worth a shot.

What we have, what's between us,

it's... it's...
you know, it's...

Hot as hell.
Sexual dynamite.

Stuff that creams are made of.

Interracial porno.

- Something like that.
- Sexual volcano.

Think about you
in the shower sometimes.

Yeah, I love you.

I love you too.

So what happens now?

Uh, it means

I guess I'm getting married.

No.

Danny, I don't think
that's a good idea.

Maybe it isn't, but you
don't have to worry about it.

I need someone
to take care of me,

and for whatever reason,
you don't need that anymore.

But I do.

I should go.
I got to pick up Leo at Ma's.

Yeah.

Well, I've got thick skin

And an elastic heart

But your blade,
it might be too sharp

I'm like a rubber band

Until you pull too hard

I've got an elastic heart

Mindy.

Did you run here?
In the rain?

In a bra that fits?

Damn it, I didn't have time

to put on my padded bra
before I left.

This is not representative
of my real rack.

Look, Jody.
I need to talk to you.

All right, I...

Holy shit.

- This is your apartment?
- Yeah.

It's like
the friggin' Smithsonian.

Actually, I lent
the Smithsonian a few pieces.

All right. Okay.
It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter.
Look, you're wonderful.

I love having
a business with you.

And I care about you so much.

And I care about you.

Wow, they are much, much smaller
than they are at work.

It's a good thing
I have a healthy imagination.

I can work with this.
Let's get inside.

- Let's get inside.
- No.

- Just stop one second. Please.
- Come inside.

I have to tell you something.

Please.

I can't be with you.

Ah.

You've reconciled with Danny.

Well, he is the father
of your baby,

so I respect your decision.

No.

I'm not getting
back together with Danny.

I just...
I want to be by myself

for a while.

So there's nothing that's
keeping us from being together,

but you're choosing
not to be with me.

Can we still be friends?

- No.
- Excuse me?

No, I will not be your friend.

A good friend would've fallen
in love with me,

not led me on for months
and then discarded me like bones

on a plate of your hot wings.

I think I've been
a great friend.

I helped you get into
your first real relationship.

I helped you dress cooler.

You know how
to use chopsticks now.

Even an okay friend
would've had sex with me

after all the time and money
I spent wooing you.

Okay, well, I'm very surprised
by this reaction.

Go on, git.
Take your small breasts with ya.

The rain makes them smaller!

Mindy! Mindy, wait!

Wait. Listen.

I just want to say
one more thing, and that's...

New York!
Avoid this woman!

- Do not buy her an apartment!
- No. Okay.

She will pretend she likes you,

and then she'll decide
she wants to be alone!

- Ahh!
- Hey, stop it!

- Does that hurt?
- Okay. All right.

Run! Get to running,
you crazed harlot!

You could've had
a white boyfriend!

Ahh!