All language subtitles for The Mindy Project (2012) - S04E21 - Under the Texas Sun (1080p Blu-ray x265 Panda)

This was the longest week ever.

We brought more babies
into this world

- than a mid-level rapper.
- Yeah, right there.

Let's dab. Oh!

Still don't understand that.

You have earned
a night of relaxation.

Oh!

- Who's that?
- It's Peter.

Oh, nice, let's see what that

- knucklehead's up to.
- Thanks, Morgan.

Bye.

- Hi, Peter.
- What's up, dog?

I'm so psyched for tonight.

Why? Did you make a bong
out of a pumpkin?

Yes, of course,

but you're also
coming to visit me.

My girl's coming down to Texas

all the way from New York City.

What?

Remember, you're flying
to Austin tonight.

Last time I was in town,
you booked a trip.

Huh?

We never hang out
like this anymore.

You know, it's 'cause
you're too far away.

You're... you're like...
you're like my margarita.

You know, I want to get to it.

Ma... maybe it's for the best
that I can't.

You got to come to Texas, bro.

The median weight
is, like, 300 pounds.

- They'll think you're anorexic.
- Really?

Wait.
I should come to Texas.

Let's get you a ticket.

Ticket! Ticket! Ticket!

I can't come, Peter.

I've been so busy
I've barely been home, okay?

I've never had snacks expire
before.

Lauren said you would bail.

Come on, little Henry
looked at a picture of you

and said, "When is
the loud lady coming?"

Aw, he remembered me.

Okay, I'll come for the weekend.

Hilarious.
"The weekend."

You booked a trip for five days.

What?

All right, they got a good one

from Friday to Sunday,
where you're in an exit row.

No, no, no, no, Peter.

I don't want to just visit you;

I want to be in your life.

Do you get that?
Do you get that?

I'm coming for a week.

Well, I guess I'll see you soon.

Yeah, it's on
like a pumpkin bong,

which I do not have,
if Lauren asks.

God...
Bye. Love you.

Look, Leo, I know this week

is going to be really boring
with your dad, okay?

Not everyone can be
as fun and glamorous as Mom.

But I'll be back soon,

so you better not
take your first steps.

- Hello?
- Oh, hey, Olga.

Sorry, we're dropping off
a little early this week.

Damn.

You ain't no Olga.

No, I'm sorry.

I'm Eliza.
You must be Mindy.

- Where's Danny?
- Uh, Danny's in the shower.

He got this new
olive oil shampoo from Italy,

and you know Danny.

Better than you do.

Oh.

Hi, Leo.
Hi, how's my buddy?

You want to go to the park

and see if Mr. Squirrel's
around?

I know Mr. Squirrel too.
He's great.

Oh, yeah.
It was nice meeting you.

Have a great trip.

Bye, Leo! I love you!

Nothing can replace
a mother's love!

Welcome to Casa de Prentice,

- AKA The Tex Mex Sex Plex.
- Cool.

In here, the formal living room.

Not supposed to go in there.

These are some fancy chairs.

Not supposed to sit in those.

Hey, what's wrong with you?

Since I picked you up
from the airport,

you've been super distant.

- What's going on?
- I don't know.

I guess I'm a little distracted.

I feel like I should
be at home, you know,

trying to find someone.

God, Peter, why is it so hard
to find one single,

sane, rich, hot

cunnilingus addict
in New York City?

Look, I think
this might be about

the picture of that woman
on Danny's profile online.

You know what?

It's probably
his grief counselor.

You know, 'cause he's mourning

the loss of my juicy ass.

Do all grief counselors
get kissed on the top

- of a Ferris wheel?
- I don't know.

I kiss everybody,
and you know what?

I didn't come here
to get the third degree

- from my best friend.
- No, no, no, no, no, wait!

That's the formal living room!

Look, forget about Danny.

There's plenty of guys in Texas.

Lauren is consistently
reminding me of that.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I guess I could
"Under the Tuscan Sun"

a handsome ranch hand,
and he'd be,

of course, obsessed with me
because of my

- big-city sophistication.
- Sounds like a plan.

Whoa!
Chicken nug in my pocket!

You have any more
loose nuggets in there?

- I'll check.
- 'Cause Lauren has

made this house vegan
as of last week.

- Oh, my God.
- Sick. Beer me that nug.

Oh, God damn it.

You know what?
Maybe it is good

that I got away
from New York for a while.

And this house is sick.
It's a real McMansion.

Oh, thank you.
You know, it used to belong

to a forward on the Spurs,
until he got caught on camera

- throwing his wife in the trash.
- Yeah.

So, Mindy, I was thinking,
maybe tomorrow after work,

we could go down to that bar.

I could be wingman;
we could scope out

some deadbeat dads
or maybe a drunk.

- Someone in your wheelhouse.
- You guys are going

- to work tomorrow?
- Yeah.

What am I supposed to do
all day alone in the house?

It's only gonna take an hour
to go through all your drawers.

Well, you can
hang out with Henry

or his nanny Rosa
or take a stroll

through my succulent garden.

I think the path is wide enough.

- Yeah, yeah.
- Okay, the path is definitely

- wide enough.
- You haven't seen it yet.

- Just... it's tight.
- Okay... let's not...

Let's just talk about
something else, um...

Peter, how is your new job?

Who's the Mindy?
Is she as cool as me?

- I hate her.
- Mindy, his new practice

is so full of drama.

Tell her about
Meredith and Derek.

- Ah.
- Meredith and Derek?

- Mm-hmm.
- Whoa, it's like you work

on "Grey's Anatomy."

Well, why don't you tell me

what's going
on back in New York?

- How's Morgan?
- Oh, well, Morgan

- fell into a pothole.
- Oh.

And guess what.
The city is suing him.

- Same old... same old tune.
- Yeah.

Whoa!
Lauren!

"Lifestyles
of the Rich and Famous."

My web subscribers
are going to love this.

I hope you don't mind
having a roommate.

Who dat?

That's Martin the chuckwalla.

I have to share a room
with a straight-up Dino?

Well, it's his room.

And it's supposed
to be cold tonight.

You may wake up with him
in between your breasts.

Uh, you know what?
Maybe five days

is too long to stay
with someone.

I-I should go home,
like, tonight maybe.

Oh, no, really?
I was kind of hoping

that this week
would give us a chance

to get to know each other
better.

What?

You've never taken
any interest in me.

Yeah, I just thought
that we could hang.

Is everything okay?

Would you like to be
on my webcam?

My subscribers have been
begging for anyone else.

- Begging. Please, please.
- No, I-I...

I just want to ask you a favor.

Peter has been
acting weird lately.

I feel like he's hiding
something from me.

I just want you to figure out
what he's up to.

I'm sure it's nothing,
because, like,

I cannot think of anyone
who would want to

sleep with Peter, but I'll help.

- I'll stay.
- Oh, thank you.

You know, Mindy, I can see us

almost becoming friends.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Oh, God!

Oh.

Still in your cage, Martin.
Good boy.

Mm.

Ay, caramba!

Martin, why didn't you tell me
about this guy?

Hey, I'm Mindy.
You must be Rosa.

Quick question,
who is the steamy slab

of carne asada working outside?

Oh, that's Diego,
but he's not for you, loba.

Oh, he's gay.
Well, this is Texas.

Probably has to stay
in the closet.

- I can work with that.
- No, he's not gay.

But Mrs. Lauren wouldn't
like you bothering him.

Okay, fine,
don't touch the pool boy.

I'll just pick up
my huevos rancheros

or my waffles con ice cream...
whatever you prepared.

Oh.
I don't work for you.

It's fine.
I will leave you

and go watch some daytime TV.

There's no TVs in the house.

- Why don't you read a book?
- A book?

Why don't you go to hell...

I'm so sorry.
I went too far.

Gonna go.

It's okay.
She's gone.

Ah!
God!

Ah! Ah! Ah!

Hola, there.

¿Hola, Como estás?

Huh?

- Oh, uh, um...
- If you prefer,

- I can speak in English.
- Oh, thank God.

- Yeah.
- Garfield.

- It's a very lazy cat.
- Oh, yeah.

These are not my clothes.
No, I borrowed them.

I left my very sexy two-piece
back in El New Yorko.

Watch out.
You have a bee on you.

No, man, these are double Ds.

No, no, no, no, no,
a bee, a bee, a bee.

- There, there!
- Ah! Ah! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God,
Oh, my God, oh, my...

- You okay?
- Help me!

- Try standing.
- Ah!

Pretty sure you can stand.

Oh, yeah.

You know, I was, um,
maybe more scared

- than in actual danger.
- Walk towards me.

- I-I-I help you up.
- My knight in shining armor.

Can you hold this, please?
I want to save it for later.

- Yeah, sure.
- Just put it on the...

- Right here.
- Thanks.

- One, two, three.
- Oh, God.

Don't make those labor noises
when you're picking me up!

It's not that bad!

- Ugh, oh, God.
- Here we go.

- Please.
- Oh.

- Thank you.
- Oh.

Thank you so much.

I so appreciate it.

Can't believe...
now I'm gonna hook up

- with a pool boy.
- What?

- Pool boy?
- Yeah.

No, I'm sorry.
I...

Pool man.
I... don't... I don't...

Uh, Rosa?
Rosa?

Oh, thank God.

I am soaked in agua,
and I was negged sexually.

Can I have a towel?
And a hug, please?

I swallowed a lot of water.
I have to pee.

I still haven't eaten
any breakfast.

Can you please put a waffle
in the goddamn toaster?

Someone left the popsicles out
and now they're melted.

They are Henry's treat
for using the potty.

Someone should go to the store.

Rosa, what do you want me to do?

I can't go to the store.
I ain't got no car.

- Oh, you don't have a car?
- No.

I walked here from El Salvador.

Okay, fine, Rosa.
I will go to the store.

Anything else, Princess Rosa?

Mr. Peter likes Hot Pockets.

Noishe!

Peter?

Is that you?

What are you doing here?

Peter? What?
Who's Peter?

- Oh, my God! Peter!
- My head!

Peter, what are you doing here

in the middle of the afternoon?

Shouldn't you be at work?

I'm just picking up
some supplies for work,

like, um... like an Xbox
and, uh, some tiki lamps...

Sorry, Peter.

Hope chicken's okay.
They ran out of carnitas.

An Indian woman
just ate the last two.

I saw her.
She was hot.

Peter, why does this teenager
know your burrito preference?

Don't you have a job?

I've never seen
this teenager before.

Get out of here, Marvin.

Damn, homey,
I thought we were boys.

Look, I-I-I had a real job
at a real practice,

but honestly, all I ever
really wanted to do

was come home
and play with Henry, anyway.

The other day, I called in sick,
so the two of us

spent the whole afternoon
just picking boog

and taking baths.

It was the noish-est day ever.

That is actually kind of sweet.

So anyway, that sick day
turned into another sick day,

which turned into, like,
a sick week,

and then pretty soon, I had
sent them my fake obituary.

- I died of terminal diarrhea.
- Lauren doesn't know?

No.
I leave with her

every morning,
and then I drive here

and watch Lifetime
with Renee in electronics.

'Sup, Renee?
How you living, girl?

Then when the coast is clear,
I go home

and hang out with Henry
all afternoon.

And then when Lauren asks
about your day,

you just tell her plotlines
to "Grey's Anatomy."

She doesn't watch TV,
so she doesn't know any better.

It's a victimless crime.
It's harmless,

like dumping trash
into the ocean.

Peter, she thinks
you're having an affair.

- Whoa, really?
- Yeah.

That's so cool.
I wonder who with.

Rosa, I bet.
You know what?

- Honestly, I'd hit it.
- Ah, ah, ah.

Okay.
You need to come clean.

We're gonna go home
and you're gonna

tell your wife the truth.

I'm taking this burrito
as punishment.

I'm not even hungry.
Come on.

Grab my popsicles.

Hey, can't I just wait
till I run out of storylines

from "Grey's Anatomy"?

- No.
- She's so invested.

Last week, she tried to get us
into Denny's funeral.

There you are.
I cannot believe you.

- What were you thinking?
- Look, everything was done

- with the best of intentions.
- Diego said that

Mindy sexually menaced him.

He just quit and made away
with all the grotto stones.

Lauren, I am sorry,
but he is a pool boy.

- There it is.
- And I...

Pool boy?
He is not a pool boy.

He is the preeminent
water feature designer

of the American Southwest.

He won a MacArthur Genius Grant
for a hot tub in Santa Fe.

Okay, well, obviously
I did not know that.

And if anything,
it's only making me hornier.

Well, I guess we have to
cancel the photo shoot

- with "Pool" magazine.
- No, no, no, wait.

We'll figure this out,
baby girl, this is not...

Wait, why are you home so early?

Tell her,
so she's less mad at me.

Well, the truth is...

the office is on lockdown.

There was a woman
who accidentally shot herself

with a bazooka,
and the unexploded shell

- is just lodged in her.
- Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.

Look, Meredith and Derek
will take care of all that.

Let's just go call Diego
and sort it all out, okay?

- Okay.
- I'm sorry you have to

deal with all this.
She's so dumb.

- I know.
- Sorry.

It's like, can you believe
Mindy is a doctor?

Hey, Martin.
You could have told me

that Diego was like
the Albert Einstein

of pool boys or whatever,

instead of just standing there,

like, licking your eyeballs.

Well, good news for you,
young lady.

I talked to Diego;
he agreed to come to dinner

so you can apologize.

I took the liberty of writing
an apology down for you,

so you don't do something weird
like apologize with a rap.

Wait, you haven't even heard
my rap apologies.

- Stop that, that's not good.
- Okay, I know

- how to apologize.
- Okay.

Then I'll just let you change,

unless you were planning on
wearing the Dartmouth shorts.

- No, Lauren, I wasn't.
- Great, just checking.

Bye.

Diego, thank you so much again
for coming to dinner.

I think Mindy has something
that she wants to say.

Diego, it is true.
When I first saw you,

I thought you were a shirtless,
illiterate pool boy.

I went to Yale.

This dude went to jail?

Why am I apologizing to him?

He went to Yale, Mindy.
He went to Yale.

I am very sorry.
Lo siento.

Mm...

Okay, Diego, right now I am

kind of a pitiful person.

So who cares what I say or do?

I was just trying to feel sexy,
'cause I found out

that Danny has a new girlfriend,
and I freaked out.

Why does it matter
what Danny's doing

- or who Danny's doing or...
- Anyway, Diego,

I just wanted to say
that I've had a really hard week,

but please don't
take it out on them.

All right?
I'm gonna be gone

in a couple days, just please,

complete their grotto.

It's okay.

Breakups can make you
a little crazy sometimes.

When I found out my ex-wife
was dating again,

I cut her face out of
all our family photos,

and then blended them
into a smoothie and drank it.

I know, total cliché, right?

So I understand, and...

- I'll finish the job.
- You will?

- Thank you, Diego.
- Oh, my gosh.

- Thank you so much.
- That's awesome.

- Thanks, Diego.
- Oh, Peter.

With all this grotto drama,
I forgot to ask about Meredith.

Did they get the bazooka shell
out of the patient?

Oh, yes. Uh-huh.

Yeah, everybody's fine.
The patient's fine.

Meredith is fine.

The, um... the bomb squad,
they blew up in the hallway.

- Oh, my God.
- Are you talking about

that episode of
"Grey's Anatomy"?

I love that show.
I watch it with my daughter.

No, it's his...
it's his work.

Uh, Peter, I've been
meaning to ask you,

what is going on
with Izzie's brain cancer?

I mean, I'm a neurosurgeon;
you should really

- let me see her.
- Mm, you should see her.

Yeah, she...

Doesn't work there
anymore, right?

After she and Karev broke up.

Wait.
How do you know Karev?

I'm a huge Shondahead.

Wait.
What's going on here?

I... I can't tell
if you're joking.

- No, we're not joking.
- Peter, what is he

- talking about?
- Don't listen to him.

- He's been to jail.
- Did these things

happen on a TV show?

I have something to tell you.

- McDreamy dies in a car accident.
- Mm.

How could you
lie to me like that?

You quit your job?
Why are you tired all the time?

- Because I'm unhealthy.
- I should probably go.

- Good luck with your problems.
- Thank you.

Okay.

Looks like you need a mediator.

Lucky for you, I'm Henry
Kissinger with a Brazilian.

I think we need some privacy.

Okay.

Then I guess
I'll go upstairs and...

Actually, I would feel
uncomfortable screaming

if I knew you could hear me.

But if I don't get it out,

it will manifest itself
in a small cold.

Could you maybe go for a walk?

Okay, I'll go, but know this,

you are the worst hosts

that I have ever met,
and my host family in Germany

tried to put me
in a stew and eat me.

Are you sure
you just weren't in a bath?

Yeah, because you put carrots
and cut up onions in a bath.

I know the difference
between a bath and a stew, okay?

Oh, my God,
please, please don't kill me!

I'm not caught up yet
on my shows!

Stop it, stop it.
Don't be so dramatic.

- Nobody's going to kill you.
- What are you talking about?

I am walking along
a dirt road in Texas

in the middle of the night.

Dick Cheney could be
running around here,

looking for some pheasants.

You people are crazy.

Chainsaw massacres,

Scalia "dies" here mysteriously.

Can I give you a ride somewhere?

- To the nearest Trump property.
- Get in.

First time
in a pickup truck... cool.

I got divorced two years ago,
but it's still hard

- because we have a kid.
- Oh, so do me and Danny.

God help you when they turn 13.

One day, you tuck
a sweet, little girl into bed,

and the next, you wake up
with a hormonal cyberbully

who steals from Sephora.

Hey, I'm sorry
that I sexually harassed you.

I think I did it because...
I don't know...

I thought a little sexcapade
would make me feel better.

Nothing will make you
feel better... for now.

All you can do is spend time
with the people you love

until you realize one day,
you're not sad anymore.

What, Peter?

Hey, you got to come back
and help me.

Lauren is really upset.
She locked herself in her room.

She hasn't been this mad at me
since she found

- my... private towel.
- Oh, yuck.

Just please come back.
Please talk to her.

Okay, fine.

Thank you, thank you,

thank you, thank you, thank you.

- Hey, do you mind...
- No problem.

Okay, thank you.

Hey, man, I made hot Diego
drive me back

to fix your problem.

Your wife
is really pissed at you,

and she's throwing all
your stuff out the window.

She hit me in the head
with your pumpkin bong.

I think I'm high.

Thank you so much.
This is really, really bad.

Will you talk to her?

Okay, I don't know if

it's gonna make
a difference, but...

Lauren?

Lauren, honey.

You have to forgive Peter, okay?

I know he made a big mistake,
and guess what.

He's gonna make a million more,

but he's a good g...

What are you doing?

You were doing great.

Stop it.
Put down the bong.

- Okay, okay.
- You just...

you have to hear him out
at least, all right?

But I... I don't know
if I can trust him.

Things are really
complicated right now,

and they're only gonna get
more complicated.

Complicated?
We're just getting a grotto.

Yes, Peter,
grottos are a lot of work.

It's like, you don't even get
what a huge responsibility

- this is going to be.
- You lost me.

I want to be there with you,
but I'm just...

Lauren, is, by any chance,

the grotto a metaphor
for a baby?

- How did you know that?
- I'm a great OB/GYN

but an even better detective.

Frankly, I'm great
at everything...

Hold on, wait,
are you... you're pregnant?

- Mm-hmm.
- With our baby?

- Yeah. Are you happy?
- Yeah, of course.

I mean, why do you think
I quit my job

and I come home all the time?

I love taking care of Henry.
I'm going to love

- taking care of this baby too.
- Oh, Peter.

Oh.

When do you think it was?
Was it that night

we went to the hibachi place?

This is the worst vacation ever!

Martin, we're getting high.

Hey, thanks for waiting.

You didn't, by any chance,
see, like, a... a small lizard?

He goes by the name Martin.

- Is everything okay?
- Yeah.

Thank you so much
for driving me home.

- Oh, it's fine.
- It just sucks

that I have to waste
that hotel room I found online.

Well, who... who says
we have to waste it?

Oh.

Do you mean like...

- Like sex?
- Mindy, guess what.

Lauren said we could
get barbecue.

- Like, real meat.
- Mm-hmm.

Hey, Diego.
What's going on?

She bothering you?
'Cause I can talk to her.

No, I'm not bothering him.

He just
propositioned me for sex.

That's hilarious, but get...
can you get out of here, please?

All right,
I'll leave you two to it.

So...

- I think you were right.
- Shall we get out of here?

No, I... I think
you were right before

when you said
that the best thing for me right now

would be to spend time
with the people that I love,

and believe it or not,
the people I love

- are these two losers.
- I understand.

But if you're ever in New York,

you should come visit me.

We can go see a Broadway show.

Do you know what that is?

To be honest, I don't really
love the big city,

so if I ever visit you
in New York,

we probably shouldn't
leave your apartment.

Damn, dude.

- Damn, dude.
- You heard that, right?

- I'd have sex with that guy.
- Holy shit.

- Shit was hot.
- That shit was hot.

Let's get some ribs.

♪ Deep in the heart of Texas ♪

♪ The prairie sky ♪

♪ Is wide and high ♪

♪ Deep in the heart of Texas ♪

♪ The coyotes wail ♪

♪ Along the trail ♪

♪ Deep in the heart of Texas ♪

♪ That's why perhaps ♪

♪ They all wear chaps ♪

♪ Deep in the heart of Texas ♪