All language subtitles for The Mindy Project (2012) - S04E07 - Mindy and Nanny (1080p Blu-ray x265 Panda).eng

There are a few perks
to having your fiancé

be on the other side
of the country for a while.

For instance,
you can take up the whole bed,

hog all the covers,

and wear the flannel pajamas
he calls, quote,
"boner pesticide."

Best of all,
no one tells you what to do,

unless your future
mother-in-law has descended

upon your home
like a biblical plague.

Oh, good afternoon,
sleeping beauty.

All right,
all right, all right.

Hey!

When are you going
to be done? I got a list
of questions for you.

God! Can I have
some privacy, please?

What's the big deal?
It's nothing I haven't seen.

Actually, I've
never seen it like that.

Can you not look
at my vagina? Get out of here!

Okay.

Oh, God.

Annette, Annette?
Good morning.

I really appreciate
you doing the laundry.

But I was wondering
if you could just look
at the tags

because I think
some of my clothes
have shrunk.

Are you sure you didn't
get bigger?

Well, Leo is all
fed and changed.

And I put his gold
chain back on. Again.

It keeps disappearing.

I don't...
That's so weird.

Hey, you want an omelet?

Okay, sure!
Thanks.

Well, I wish I'd known
that before I started
making pancakes.

Oh, a trap.
Mmm.

Great.
Oh.

I'm gonna head into work.
And again, thank you so much
for taking care of Leo.

Okay, I'll
see you tonight.

I'm making my famous rigatoni.

What if I brought
home sushi tonight?

Ugh! No wonder your
breast milk's been
tasting so funny.

You've been tasting
my breast milk?

Someone's gotta
think about Leo.

One day it tasted
like a Long Island Iced Tea.

Rigatoni it is!
See you tonight,
Annette. Bye!

Ahh!

Hey, don't bruise
the prosciut.

Ripped & Corrected By mstoll

Hey, Morgan.
Did you get a chance
to set up

those nanny interviews
that we talked about?

"Hi, Morgan. Good morning.

"Has your wound healed?"

Fine. Hello, Morgan.

Good morning.
Has your wound healed?

That's actually
a personal question.

What a waste of my time.

Annette is driving me crazy.

This morning she installed
a crucifix in our shower

so that I wouldn't,
quote, "get any ideas."

Ah, bathing stings
my wound.

But, listen, I did.
I got you some
good candidates right here.

Here you go.
Thank God.

I really need this whole
working-mom thing figured out
before Danny gets back.

If he gets back.
I haven't heard
from that guy in weeks.

He's coming back!

And I need to find
a nanny so good with Leo
that I can keep working.

Won't that make Annette mad?

She threw out a teddy bear
because she thought
it was a rival.

I think a 10-day
cruise to Bermuda

for her and Dot is gonna
soften the blow.
Oh!

Hey. I think I know
someone who'd be
a great nanny for little Leo.

The elderly black woman
that raised you?

Effie. No, she's
with the angels now.

Sorry.

Anaheim Angels. Her grandson
plays shortstop there,

so he moved her down.

Wow.
Okay.

What about the nanny
for my son?

Oh, she's great.

Loves the baby,
costs next to nothing,
and she's ethnic.

It's you.

You son of a bitch.

I cannot believe it.
You are such a sexist, Jody.

Nobody raises babies
better than kin.

Okay.
No!

Ken, she can't have
a male nanny, dude.

- She'll attack him.
- That's not true.

He'd be into me, and
I'd be like, "Get off!"

Oh, please.

And that's why thicker gauze,

while being more expensive
by unit, ends up saving...

Saving us money.
...us money in the long-term.

Now, I know this is
very exciting... Whit!

Hi.
What are you
doing here, my darling?

I wasn't expecting you
for another 45 minutes or so.

Oh, they closed
the stock market early.

Greece decided
to not be a country.

They're just going to sell
yogurt now. It's a mess.

Anyway,
can we go to lunch now?

Um...

You know what?
Why not?
We can go to lunch.

I'm not doing
anything important.
Great.

What? You made me fly
back from Vegas for this.

Come on, Jeremy.

You can't leave
your big gauze meeting.
Mmm-mmm.

He's right.
I can wait.

Um. Uh, we're done
talking about gauze, I think.

Colette, could you
summarize the manual...

Hey!
...for everybody?

Thank you, this works so much
better for my schedule.

Not a problem.
Thank you, guys.

Okay.
Bye, Whit.

Remember to talk about
the gauze.
Jeremy!

Jeremy!
What was that?

What was that?
He's been planning
this gauze meeting for weeks.

He texted me
last night at 3:00 a.m.
"Tomorrow's G-Day."

Here's the deal, brother.
When you're in love,

you do whatever
the girl wants.

I have given
a first date a kidney.
On more than one occasion.

So no one else has
a bad feeling
about this woman?

No comment.

Don't mind me.
Whistle, whistle, whistle.

Tamra, you seem
like you know something.

No, I mind my own business.

Do I have information
that's exciting and pertinent
to this conversation?

Who's to say?
Excuse me.

Tamra. Tamra!

Morgan,
I'm ready for the nannies.

Hello.

We got our first candidate.

Hi. Welcome.

Thank you so much
for considering me for...

Hey! Hey!

Gotta do it.
I don't like that.

Gotta do it.

Thank you so much
for considering me
for your nanny position.

Whoa. That is a cool accent.

Can you say,
"All aboard
the Hogwarts Express"?

I'd rather not.

Hmm.
But I think
you'll find I have

all the necessary
qualifications.

Wow, 20 years
of childcare experience,

you know CPR,
and you're bilingual?

Yeah, okay,
how about this?

I'm so sorry.

So I can start immediately.
Perfect.

My salary's 20,000.

Amazing.
A month.

Get the hell out of here.

You scamming scumbag.
I don't understand.

Who the hell do you think...
Come on, come on!

What am I?
Come on, come on.
Right now.

Child is like mule.

It must be trained
and broken.

Mmm-hmm.

I will raise
your child like it was
one of my own weasels.

Do you smell weed,
Dr. L?

I do.
Yeah.

I love the way
babies smell.

I just got an Amber Alert
on my phone.

Get him out of here.
I'm going to walk you out.

Yeah.
Call 911.
Call 911.

Dr. L?

I found another girl
for you, and I think
you're gonna to love her,

and it's going to feel
like you have known
her forever.

Okay, Morgan, you're not
just going to, like,
come in here in a dress

and try to
Mrs. Doubtfire me, are you?

Uh.
No, I'm not.

Madame Tookery has canceled.
I got another girl for you.

Please? Now is when
you come in.

Clar-ah.
Clara.

Hi.
Hi.

You look normal.
I think she looks weird.

Why don't you tell me
a little bit about yourself?

Sure! I love children,
especially babies.

I believe in using
only non-toxic
and organic products.

And I have a website
where I sell handmade
children's clothing.

Wow.
That's cool.

I used to have
an online business.

I sold my toenail clippings
to a pervert in Idaho.

You kind of seem
exactly what I'm looking for.

Well, there is one thing
I have to warn you about.

Oh, boy, here it comes.

I love to bake.

So I hope you don't mind
coming home to a counter
full of pies and fresh bread.

That sounds wonderful.

I'll check your references,
but you're hired.

Oh, that's so great!

- We'll discuss it. Yeah.
- Good.

It was really nice
to meet you.

You, too.

Good luck with
your transition.

Thank you.

Bye.
Oh.

Bye, Clara!
Bye.

Bye! I don't know.
I, I... Personally?

Bad vibe.

She's perfect!
She's responsible.
She's pretty.

She's too flat
for Danny to like.

We did it.

Now I have
to tell Annette.

Hey, you needed
to talk to me?

Yes. It's a most
urgent matter.

Okay.
Please, do come in.

Take a seat.

May I offer you
a refreshment?

Is this urgent or not?

No matter is so urgent
that there isn't time
for a little civility.

Okay.
I believe it was
Jefferson Davis who said...

Oh, my God.
Every time you talk,
it takes so long

that I literally die
and turn into a skeleton.

So, please just tell me
what's going on.

Right.

Tamra has brought
something to my attention

of a most
distressing nature,
and, uh...

I can't.
Tamra, go.

I saw Dr. Reed's girlfriend
doing cocaine a few weeks ago.

Thank you, Tamra.
You may go now.

Thank you.
Okay.

My God.
So what are we going to do?

Jeremy's like a little
brother to me, and
his girlfriend's a cokehead.

Doing cocaine once
doesn't make
someone a cokehead.

Don't jump to conclusions.

I hit a bicyclist
once with my car.

Does it make me
a murderer?

I have no idea.
I drove off.

I can't help it.

I mean, we've known
each other since
before we were men.

He taught me to love
medicine, and I taught him

how to stimulate
the most sensitive part
of a woman's anatomy.

I cannot hear about this.
Using only his...

I'm so sorry. Before I was
a working mom, I would have
loved gossip like this.

Honestly, we would've
talked about it for, like,
three hours.

But I'm extremely busy.

So if you'll ex-squeeze me,
I am going to go answer emails

while I eat a sandwich
on the toilet.

What are you doing...
Oh, okay.

Thank you.

Whitney, I'm sorry
you find my laugh annoying

I'd rather love you
than ever laugh again
Ha! Ha!

Hey, Jody.
Hi.

Did you hear my song?

It's annoying, isn't it?
Oh, she's gonna hate it.

No, it was beautiful.

And it makes
what I have to say to you
all the more difficult.

Mmm.
Oh, man.

Annette, this rigatoni
is delicious.

It was supposed to be
for both of us.

One pan of pasta
for two people?

I'm sorry about eating
all of the pasta,

but I actually had something
I wanted to talk to you about.

Danny found
a new woman
in California?

No! Danny and I had sex
on video-chat last night.

He's probably still
cleaning the screen.

The news is,
I found a nanny for Leo.

And, and just to say
thank you for all that
you've done,

I actually bought you
two tickets on a cruise!

For you and Dot!
Here.

The brochure said
they just remodeled it
after a pirate attack,

so I thought that was cool.

Thank you.
Yeah.

That's very nice.

You're not mad
or anything, are you?

Oh, absolutely not.

Who wants their
mother-in-law hanging
around all the time?

Oh, no,
it's not that.
No, no, stop.

Enough said.
We're all good.
Okay.

Me and the Franks
will just get out
of your hair.

Bye.

See ya!

We've read three books,
then he had a nap,

then I introduced him
to the music of Peru.

Oh, that's amazing.

Bye, Clara.

Bye, Mommy!

Bye, Leo!

Oh, thank God,
my lunch is here.

Mindy Lahiri?
Yeah?

You're being served.

I am not being served,
because this is not my three
orders of Penang curry,

triple cream, no veg.
This is just some envelope.

Your mother-in-law
is suing you for
slave labor.

Ex-squeeze me?

Allow me to formally
introduce myself.

I'm Don Castellano, esquire.

"Castellano" as in attorney?
Where'd you get your degree,

Cannoli State?

Oh!

I told you
she was rude, Donny.

Are you absolutely positive
you don't want any
legal counsel here with you?

Lawyers are
for guilty people, like
thieves and Edward Snowden.

I have done nothing wrong.

I did just fart.

Ma'am, this is
a small room.

I know.
I'm, I'm sorry.

Come on.

Okay.

According to Annette,
she's worked close to
100 hours for you,

without any pay.

That, my friend,
constitutes slavery.

According to
this print-out from
my law book CD-ROM.

Okay. Well, let me present
this to the jury.

Exhibit A. This old lady.

She's the grandma!
I ain't paying her.

By the way, my little mudblood
son is the only reason
she wakes up every morning.

I object, Your Honor.
That is not true!

I have my walking group,
the Staten Island Strutters.

I can't.

When I worked,
my boys were
always with family.

Did your family invade your
personal space and slut-shame
your underwear drawer?

We didn't have
personal space.

I gave Danny his bath
until he was 18.

Oh, my God!
We all did.

What is wrong
with you people?

You know what?
I gotta go back to work.
Just send me the bill.

Okay, it's gonna include
my legal fees, too.

Whatever.
Fine!

But I hope you're okay
with your baby not having
a grandmother.

Or a grandmother's
friend.

I did it. I had it out
with Whitney about
her drug use. It's over.

Ah! Jeremy,
that is wonderful news.

Right, the relationship
isn't over, just
the difficult conversation.

No, Whitney and I
are perfect.

Uh, come again?

Well, I told her
in very strict terms

that I was concerned
about her cocaine use,

and she promised
she would keep an eye on it.

- That's it?
- She's gonna, "Keep an eye on it"?

Jeremy, are you sure
you're not just being
manipulated by a woman again?

I mean, you paid for your
ex-girlfriend's wedding.

I didn't pay for the wedding,
did I? I paid for her dress
and his ring.

If anything,
I'm manipulating Whitney.

By showing her
how supportive I am,
so she'll never leave me.

High-fives!

Boom, boom.

Off to get her
dry cleaning.
See ya later.

Colette, I may
have to take matters
into my own hands.

You know what, everybody?

Grandmothers are overrated.

Excuse me!

We were talking
about something.

The cast shake-ups
at The View.

I had no opinion.

Well, you know what?
People are always
bagging on millennials

and saying how great
the elderly are.

But they're not.

They can't drive,
they give terrible
award-show speeches,

and they ruin Facebook.

Okay, let me say something.
As the founder of the very
poorly attended Grandma-Con,

I'm not just gonna sit
here and listen to you rip
on grandmas like that.

You know, I am so happy
that I have found a cool,
fresh-faced young woman

to take care of my son.

Because he deserves
a cool, young nanny

who has never had a landline,

and who only knows
the Chris Pratt
version of Jurassic Park.

How dare you, Dr. L.

I was raised
by my grandmother,
and I turned out great.

Oh, God! My wound!

I'd love to help you,
Morgan, but we never got to
the end of that gauze seminar.

Oh, God!
What did the nanny do?

What's wrong?
More cast shake-ups
on The View?

My nanny just made my son
the poster child for the
anti-vaccination movement.

Oh.

Oh, no!
Got a positive comment
from @TVWritersWife.

I gotta go, guys.

Excuse me,
may I trouble you for
a moment of your time?

I'm sorry,
who are you?

I'm Jeremy's friend.

I think it would be best if
your relationship found a
natural point of termination.

Are you kidding me?
He's the best boyfriend
I've ever had.

After he cooks me dinner,
he gives me a comment card
about how he can improve.

Very well, I may need
to argue in the
language of the city.

You want to pay me
to break up with him?

Hmm?
What are you, the dad in
a Nicholas Sparks movie?

All right, enough. Who do
I make the check out to?
You or Pablo Escobar?

Oh, is that
what this is about?

Listen, I only
do coke to have fun
after work. And to work.

Listen you, you're
going to stay away
from my friend.

He doesn't need
some hard-living
New York City siren

manipulating him
with her big,
molasses-brown eyes.

Oh, really?
And he's going
to listen to you?

Some inbred Civil War
general who smells
like the woods after a storm?

You are out of control.
And you like it.

Oh, my God,
I do.

Clara!
What the hell?

Why would you
think it was okay
to take a photo of my son

in an anti-vaccination
onesie?

But I thought
you said you wanted
him to be famous.

Yeah, of course I do.

But if you want him
to model, you gotta go
through his talent agent,

who I don't have,
because no one will
accept us as a package.

Also, he is vaccinated!

What? Why?

Vaccines are just toxins
pumped into our children
by Big Pharma.

No! You know what
Big Pharma did?

They got rid of
Big mumps and Big polio.

Yeah, but no one even
gets those anymore.

Because of vaccines!

Clara, you gotta go.

Which makes me sad,
because you were
a good nanny

and, frankly, I thought
we would be great friends.

I would never
be friends with you.

You're an old lady
like Britney Spears.

How dare you?

Wait, where are you going?

You just fired me.

Yeah, but I meant, like,
fired in a couple of hours,
when I come back from work.

Oh, no!

Who's gonna
watch Leo now?

Leo, that was so good.

No one's onto us.

You are such
a good actor.

I never thought
your first role would be
an all-in-one machine.

I know.

This is the hot
pipe room, and this shall
be your daycare.

I'm sorry, but I'm
not supposed to bring
my baby into work.

A baby monitor
here for you.

I'll take this one.

I'm right next door.
I'll be back in two
minutes to check on you.

If you need
anything, call me.

I love you. Bye.

Ah, there you are.

We need to talk.
Okay

I've been looking
all over for you.

Hey, hey.
Quit grabbing at me.

It's just, I find myself
in a bit of a pickle.

Hmm.

I went to convince
Whitney to break up
with Jeremy,

and I ended up...
Laying with her.

You slept
with Whitney?

Are you out of
your mind? You're
Jeremy's best friend.

You guys were gonna
perform Lady Marmalade
at the hospital talent show!

I know, I know what I did
was bad, but their
relationship is wrong.

Maybe, in a way,
this is what had
to happen.

Maybe, in a way,
I'm a hero.

That sucked.
That logic is bad,
and you know it.

Okay, you have
to go tell him.

I know, I'll just,
I'll just move away.
I'll make new friends.

I'll sleep with
their girlfriends.

Oh! See?
There I go again.

Oh, my God!

You are
the worst person.

You are so selfish.

You just have
no concept of what
anyone else goes through...

I'm sorry, I can't hear you
over the sound of your baby

gurgling in
a box on the floor.

Okay, okay.
That's enough.

Thomas Jefferson
owned slaves, all right?

Sometimes cool people
make mistakes.

Hi, sweetheart.

All right,
I have a delivery.

I don't know
what to do.

Such a bad idea.
I'm such a bad mother.

No, take it easy now.

You're doing
an admirable job.

Why don't you let me
watch the little fella
while you're at the hospital?

Can I trust you?

I'm great with kids.

My Uncle Randy
got kicked in
the head by a mule.

He had the brain
of an infant.

I took care
of him for years,

and now he's
a Mississippi
state senator.

Okay. It's just
for an hour.

I would really
appreciate that.
Sure. Absolutely.

Thanks, Jody.
Sure.

Hello.

Hello, little box baby.

You might be a big help
to your Uncle Jody.

Hi, Jody.
Hi.

Is that Leo?
Yeah.

Where's Mindy?

Did she get lost
following the scent
of an apple pie again?

Oh, no, I'm just
babysitting.

Oh, okay.

Jeremy, you wouldn't...
You wouldn't hit a man
carrying a baby, would you?

Of course not. Why?

I slept with Whitney
in her office.

What?

Jody, put that baby down
so I can strike you.

No, I won't,
I won't.

Put him down. Damn it!
I won't.

We were friends, Jody!

Look, I'm sorry.

But I'm glad
I did it.

Any woman who'd sleep
with a scoundrel like me
doesn't deserve you.

You deserve someone
who's going to
treat you right.

And even if you
don't think you do,
I know you do.

And I'm gonna keep on
sleeping with your girlfriends
until you realize it.

Shh!

Now, if you still feel
like you'll feel better...

Oh, God almighty!

Thank you, Jody.
I do feel better.

Actually, can
I hit you again?

Nope, nope. I...
I'd prefer if you didn't.

Maybe you're right.

Maybe I should find
a woman I deserve.

Quiet. A plain,
simple girl.

Maybe someone
who's gone mute since
she witnessed a crime.

No, uh,
I tell you what,

I am going to
make it my mission

to find you a lady
who's good enough for you.

If you do,
don't sleep with her.

I swear on our friendship,
I will try not to.

Okay.

God,
you smell of her.

Apologies.

Well, Leo. I am sorry.

I definitely did not live up
to my Mother of the Year
beer koozy today.

But don't worry.
As my punishment,

there is no food
left in the house
for my dinner.

Whoa, Leo.

There's still one
of your grandmother's
rigatonis left in the fridge.

Dear Mindy.

This is eight
servings of pasta.

Can you make this one
last two days, for God's sake?

That's pretty rude.

Dear Leo.
Sleep tight, my little angel.

And be nice to your ma,
she works hard.

Love, Grandma.

Annette, I can hear
the Cash for Gold
commercial. Open up.

I'd open the door,
but I don't want to invade
your personal space.

Okay.
Ooh, good burn.

You know what, Dot?
It wasn't that
good of a burn.

But I did deserve that.

Annette,
please forgive me.
All right?

I'm sorry
I took you for granted,
but Leo needs you.

Okay. Well.

Of course he does.
I'm his grandma.

But some words
can't be taken back.

I know. I know.
I'm so sorry.

I shouldn't have
called you Grandmonster,

and Annette Not-Fun-icello,
and Annetti Spaghetti.

You called me
those things?

No. Never.

I've heard other people
say them, but I've always
defended you.

Look, there was
a reason why I fell in love

with a hyper-religious,
supremely Italian
little weirdo.

Hey, 'cause I need
that in my life.

You better be
talking about Danny.

Yeah, I am talking
about Danny, Dot,

but I'm also
talking about you.

Look, when you come
and take care of Leo,

you're not just
taking care of him.

You're taking care of me.

And I can't do this by myself.
I need your help.

Please come back.

Okay, I'll come back.

But just for Leo.

No, and for me.
Because you love me.

No, I only love
five people.

Danny, Richie,
Leo, Dot,

and the handsome
one from Suits.

And me. You love me.
No.

You do. And you're going
to hug me now.
No, I'm not.

What are you doing?
No, let go.

Just stop it.
Get your paws off me.

She does
not love you!

Yeah, you love me.
This is assault!

Okay, okay.
I love you.

Just go put that baby
to bed, all right?

Go home. I'll see
you later, you idiot.

Okay. You're
obsessed with me.

And you're going to be
thinking about that hug later.

Go soak your head!
I guarantee it.

Ripped & Corrected By mstoll