All language subtitles for The Mindy Project (2012) - S04E03 - Leo Castellano Is My Son (1080p Blu-ray x265 Panda).eng

Welcome home, Prince Leo!

Behold. One day
all this will be yours.

I hope you like
property taxes, kid.

Oh, Danny, you're already
making lame dad jokes.

I'll tell you what's a joke,
the parking at that hospital.

Danny?
Yeah?

Where's our TV?

And my laptop
and our booze?

Oh, my God!
We've been robbed.

No! We haven't been robbed.

I baby-proofed the place.

Baby-proofed?
Yeah.

More like fun-proofed!

Look, I read in an
article that says

kids shouldn't watch screens
until they're 18.

I was literally raised on TV
and I turned out perfect.

You have an attention
span of 15 seconds.

What? Huh?

Hey, did you
disable the Wi-Fi?
Yep.

How am I going to turn my
ill-informed mommy blog

into a book of stolen recipes?
That's my dream!

Look, it's going to be
hard for me, too.

Giving up
The Weather Channel?

Especially
in an El Niño year?

Yeah.
You do love El Niño.

We're both
in this together, okay?

- Look at him.
- He's all that matters.

I love this guy.

Hey, did you find my gun?

There's a gun in here?

No.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Found it.
It was in the toilet.

Ripped & Corrected By mstoll

Danny, what does that mean?

Uh, a beautiful boy
could only come from

such a beautiful mother?

Danny, I love that.

I'm going to get that
as a tramp stamp.
Yeah?

That's gorgeous.

Oh.
Come here.

How am I supposed to go back
to work tomorrow?

Maybe you should take
paternity leave.

God.

Are you kidding me?
Sex noises again?

It's ridiculous.
That's the third time
this week.

It's disgusting.
I'm getting a UTI
just thinking about it.

You know what we used to do
when we heard sex noises,

we would just
turn the volume up
on the TV.

So, maybe

we should just go...
We should go next door
and talk to her

because we're not
bringing back the TV.

Yes.
Yeah, but...

But...
Great idea.

But, if we...
Let's do it.
Come on, babe.

Okay. Well...

Just one sec, guys.

Just fool around with
each other for a minute, okay?

Yeah?

Can you quiet it down?
This is a family building,

not the last days of Rome.

Yeah. Yeah.

You guys are
the old married couple
that live next door.

I'm sorry, old?
No, no, no, no.

Him, maybe.
Not me.

I'm essentially
a child bride.

Okay, regardless,
this is a family building.

So can you dial it down
a couple shades of gray?

Okay, so I have to sit
and listen to your
baby cry all night?

I'd rather die than
dial anything down for a
couple of smug breeders.

Because in six months when
you guys move out to Scarsdale

and you get fat and you die,
I'm going to be here,

partying with the anorexic
gay couple that moves in.

Okay?

Okay. All right.
All right.

Oh.

Okay, so we agreed.

No screens, no junk food
until he's done
breast-feeding,

and no going outside until
he gets his vaccinations.

Except to go to the
movies with him,

which is fine
because I'm ethnic.

No. New York City
is the greatest city
in the world,

but it's a vile
cesspool of disease.

We invented AIDS.

Take that, San Fran.

Okay.

I can stay inside.

Although I did email TMZ

that I'd be
leaving the house today.

And most important,
let's keep this nearby,

so Leo doesn't forget Papa.

That's sweet,
but we are saying
"Daddy" and "Mommy."

None of this, like,
"Papa," "Mama,"

European bull jive, okay?
We're Americans.

No.

Mi familia.
Okay.

You're getting very Italian

and very emotional
this morning.

I love you guys.
I love you guys so much.

Yeah.

I love you.
I love you, too.

Ciao, bella.

Go out and make us
some money, okay?

I have very expensive habits.

I'll call you
in five minutes.

Bye, babe.

So, as of now we no longer
take API Insurance.

But we do take
Steve Harvey brand insurance.

So nice of you
to finally join us,
Dr. Castellano.

Or should I say,
Proud Papa Castellano!

Bring it in.
Bring it in.

Hey, where's Dr. L?

Oh, wait, let me guess.
She's at home with that baby.

She's with Leo, yeah.
They're doing great.

Not that anyone's asking.

She should be back
about, I don't know,
8 to 12 weeks.

Oh, that must be nice.

I didn't get any time off
when my dog had puppies.

You took two weeks off.

I only needed one.

I totally get it.

I recently missed
an important lunch

because I was admiring
a butter-yellow dandelion

that had forced its way
through a pavement crack.

That's a...
Weird new attitude.

Yeah, Dr. Reed's
been in a real good mood

since he started
getting it on the reg.

On the reg
with Whitney?

Well...

She knows you're
going out, right?

Indeed she does, Danny.
And I'm as happy
as a prawn in sauce.

Hey, Dr. R,
since you're in such
a good-ass mood,

I was wondering
if we could revisit

my request for a
TLC Tuesdays
dress code?

"TLC Tuesdays"?

You know? Like,
I Don't Want No Scrubs
to wear on my body.

No Scrubs!

You know,
that could be fun.

Oh, my God,
thank you!

It will so not
interfere with work.

I just need the next
two hours off to plan
what I'm going to wear.

Get out of here.

I was planning on making
an Irish exit here,

but, uh, since you're
in such a good mood,
what the hell?

And my wife took me back.

So, I'm quitting and
going back to Philly
to be with her.

No!
Adrian,
that is fantastic news.

No, wait.
No, no, no, no,
that's not fantastic.

No, if he quits,
there's only
two doctors here.

More importantly, if he quits,
I'm the only single guy
in the office.

Me, the cute one!

Don't get
in the way of love.

Ooh, my
little buddy Leo is up.

What kind of trouble are we
going to get into today?

Any drama?

Any fun, excitement?

Nothing?

Oh, my God, Danny!
There's an emergency!

What? What? What? What?

Is Leo okay?
Is he okay?
What's going on?

I'm so bored.

For God's sake.

- Danny, I have no Internet,
- I have no TV.

Did you know that
Leo's not even going to talk
until he's 12 months old?

Yes. We're doctors.
You didn't know that?

I'm an OB/GYN, pal.
I'm not a pedo-atrician.

How can you be bored?
Our baby's like a work of art.

It's like being at
the Guggenheim all day.

Do not bring up
the Guggenheim.

Remember they kicked me out
for tripping and falling
all the way down the spiral?

I was worried
this might happen,

so I left you
a care package.

It's in our closet bedroom.
A care package?

In the closet?

Mindy?
Thank you, Danny.

All right.

Leo, your daddy
gave me a present.

Ugh! Books?
Come on, dude.

Okay.
What have we got here?

"Jack Sprat could eat no fat,
his wife could eat no lean..."

Okay, this is hitting
a little too close to home.

Now, let's...

The Adventures of
Huckleberry Finn?

Certainly has
a lot of the N-word,
like a Kanye song.

Oh, no, but it has a message
like a Common song.

No, thank you.

Hmm.

I hear this one's
pretty good, very violent.

How can a book with
this many Jews in it
not have a single joke?

So, how are we feeling
these days, Mrs. Reese?

There you go.

My husband left a year ago,

and I've only recently
felt like I'm ready to
love again.

Me and you both, sister.

Because I'm single
and I'm looking for
a nice girl to take care of.

Well, you know,
we're kind of
in the same boat.

It might be fun if...

No! Shh! Shh! Quiet!
Quiet! Stop. Stop.

That's Dr. L's ring.

Okay.

Hey, uh... Dr. L.
I guess you butt-dialed me.

I'm going to hang up
on myself.

I'm so sorry
to waste your time.

Wait! No!
Morgan, don't hang up.

Hello?
I called you on purpose.

What's going on in the office?

This is a social call?

Yeah, this is a social call.

Waited my
whole life for this.

I am so bored.

I'm finally getting around
to writing my sweet 16
thank you cards.

Well, oh, yeah,
my love life's in the toilet.

Okay.

Is there not one woman
out there who's willing
to date a nice, poor man?

It sounds good to me.
Shh!

I'm sorry, can you just...
Can you be quiet?
I'm on the phone.

Eileen, I need you
to be quiet.

Hello?
Are you talking to me?
This is a freaking big one.

Hello?

Wait. That's the
minimum wage?

Nobody tell Morgan.

Finally, some real news!
An ad!

Jake and Maggie Gyllenhaal
are signing copies
of their new cookbook!

Jake and Maggie are
my favorite actor-siblings.

Oh, man.

I know your dad
doesn't want us to
leave the apartment,

but what are the chances that
Jake Gyllenhaal has rubella?

Like, 30% max.

Gold coins everywhere

Dollars up in the air

Just... It's so hard
being alone this time of year

because summer's over
and, you know,

the ladies are wearing
sweaters now,

so you can't see
their boobs so good.

Morgan, can I help you?

I hope so.
I've been talking to you
for a half hour.

Is there anything...
It's just I've got
lots of work to do.

Well, I have to work
on myself.

Whitney!

Hi, baby.
Hey, baby.

How are you?
Better now.

Oh, good.
Me, too.

Mmm.

God!

I got to take this, okay?

Okay? Be right back.
Okay. Uh...

- What the hell are you...
- Fuego.

New lovers.

Can we take you out
to lunch? Our treat.

So you two can rub your love
in my face all meal?

Maybe.

Only 'cause I make
two dollars an hour.

I will see you tonight.

Oh, I can't wait!

No, don't worry.
He doesn't suspect anything.
He's an idiot.

Okay. 8:00 at Avril's.

Gotcha.

Well, Leo, we did it.
We met the Gyllenhaals.

Peter Sarsgaard
said to your mommy,

"Get the hell
away from my wife."

That was pretty cool.

You cannot tell your father
about any of this, all right?

And you keep all of
Mommy's secrets, don't you?

Oh, God.

Leo!
Are you okay?

Try to throw the keys
under the door!

Oh, damn it,
they're too big.

Oh, no.

Sexually-active hallmate!

Excuse me?
Oh, thank God.

Oh, it's you! You back to
do some more slut-shaming?

You know, you have some nerve
because I've seen you
walking around

in those sweatpants
that say "ho" on the butt.

They say "hero,"
it's just my crack eats
the middle letters.

I need to use your balcony.

I got locked
out of my apartment

and my boyfriend cannot know
that I left the house.

Why? Is he
holding you hostage?

You know what?
I railed a cop last night.

I can wake him up.

Okay, that's a plan B.
I need to help my baby.
Please.

All right.

Oh, man.

There's a lot of
condoms out here.

Oh, the Clippers
were in town.

Ugh.
Yeah.

Okay.
It doesn't matter.

Ah, my sweet junk food.

I'm coming for you, Leo!

I am so happy
you're one of those rich girls

that stays at home all day
and doesn't work.

What?
I'm a publicist.

Well, that's a
pretty easy job.

For Bieber.
Oh, God.

I know.
Okay.

Oh, mama.
I think I can do this.

Oh, God,
my episiotomy stitches.

Oh, that really hurts.

Oh, God.
We're so high up.

I can't do this.
I can't do this.

You can do this.
You can do this.
It's very scary.

Matt Lauer does this
all the time.

Really?
Yeah.

Okay?
I'm really scared.

I know.
But it's okay.

You're halfway there.

You think so?
Yeah.

Okay.

One. Two. Three.
Two, three.

You did it!
I did it!

Okay. All right.

I saw that coming.

Help me, Chelsea.

I'm going to wipe my
barbeque fingerprints
off of the baby.

You just go hide
all the junk food
and the portable

DVD player I had.
Where?

Uh, there is a hiding spot
under some floorboards
in the bedroom.

It's filled
with candy!

Hide! Hide!

Leo, I'm home.

Look at these two.

What happened here?

I was reading one of your
old Hardy Boy books.

Got really excited
and I knocked it over.

Oh, that's happened to me.
Which one were you reading?

Uh, it was the one
about the cave?

Oh, you can't read that
by yourself at home.

No way.
It's really scary stuff.

Right!
It'll freak you out.

Oh, I have a delivery.

You know what?
I'll call Jeremy.

I'll ask if he can cover
so I can hang out
with you guys.

No! Leave. Leave.
Please leave.

I want... I want
the little one to see
your work ethic.

That is a great point.

It's never too early.
I had my first job at six.

I was a lookout
for the Puerto Rican Diablos.

Yeah. Time to go.

You should head out.
Okay.

Well, all right.
Yeah.

I love you.
I love you, too.

I love you.

Bye, sweetheart.

I'll see you
in a little while.

Oh...

Oh, God.
Whew, the yapper
on that guy, huh?

Ugh.
Yeah.

I know.

Thank you
for helping me, Chelsea.

I'm really sorry
about the other night.

Before I had a baby,
I loved listening to you
bone randos.

And I loved falling asleep
to you munching on
peanut brittle.

Danny banned everything peanut

until Leo has his
allergy tests.

Wow. Danny's
really strict, huh?

Yeah.
He already grounded Leo
for giving him the finger.

Well, at least he's hot
and rich enough to buy you
that giant engagement ring.

At this point I would
settle for an ugly-poor
if he were nice.

You want to
settle down?
Yeah.

I thought you were slutty
for modern female
empowerment reasons,

not for old-fashioned
sad ones.

Yeah, maybe in my 20s
that was my thing.

But now I see you
and I'm like, that...
That looks kind of nice.

Would you really date anyone
as long as they were
a nice guy?

Yes.
Like, anyone?

Yeah.

Ah!

Go for Morgan.

Hey, Morgan.
Would you...
Yes. Yes.

Want to go on a...
Yes. Yes!

I haven't even said...
Yes.

- Yes!
- Okay.

He'll pick you up at 7:00.

Great!

I don't have a car.
I don't have a car. But...

I think I got you a date!

Whoo!

Hey, you're, like, super busy
and don't have time to talk
about personal things, right?

I'm actually
absolutely free.

I gave myself two hours
to hang up this
photographic collage

and I finished with
four minutes to spare.

So hit me.

Well, firstly, I've been
loving TLC Tuesdays.

Oh.
And no matter
the outcome of this,

I don't want that to end.

Nothing is going to end
TLC Tuesdays, Tamra!

It's like my relationship
with Whitney.

Okay, well,
I was going to tell you
this in person,

but now I think
it's best you hear it
the traditional way.

Oh, I just got a text.

"Whitney is cheat..."

Whitney's cheating on me?

Are you going to end
TLC Tuesdays?

'Cause I already paid a guy
to paint a bathing suit on me
for next week.

It was...
It was going so well.

We'd given each other
nicknames.

"Boo-boo-pants"
and "Jeremy".

It's probably nothing.

All I know for sure is
that she's meeting a man

behind your back
and thinks you're an idiot.

Where is she
meeting this man?

'Cause I'm going to
go there.

Yeah, and I'm going to
walk right up

and look at him
from behind a plant.

And you're coming with me.

No.
Oh, yes, you are.

Dr. C, can I
borrow your stapler?

A button popped.

Hello? Dr. C?

Oh, God!

That is right...

Hey, Dr. L!

Can you hear me?
Can you see me?

Wait, I can see her
but she can't see me.

He's got Dr. L
on a nanny cam?

Oh, God!
Another guy?

- Oh, my God.
- I'm loving this sex.

Oh, boy!
Did you hear that?

No, I didn't
hear anything.

Say my name,
Chelsea!
Ew, no.

Okay, well,
then I will. I'm going
to say it. Morgan!

It's Morgan!

What the hell is
Morgan doing over there?

How do they even
know each other?
I have no idea.

Hey, if that made
a baby, we should name it

after the woman
who introduced us.

- Here we go.
- Mindy.

What?
He knows another Mindy?

Why would you introduce them?
How are you even
talking to her?

I can explain.
You know
what's screwed up?

She's too scared
to tell him she took their son
to a book signing today.

Okay.
You took Leo where?

I was dying in here.

Your care package
was actually all package
and no care.

This is the ultimate betrayal.

That's nothing!
I went into his office today.

He has a nanny cam
on Dr. L all day.

What?
What?

A nanny cam?

That's not what they said.

Where is it, Danny?

I didn't hear...
I didn't hear them say that.

Is it in
the picture frame?

Ow! Ow!
Idiot!

A nanny cam, Danny?

I can't believe
you wouldn't trust me.

Trust you?
Are you kidding me?

Your first day alone
with Leo,

you expose him
to Jake Gyllenhaal's germs

and then lock him
inside our apartment!

You liked Southpaw!
Yeah.

Well, I didn't love
Brokeback Mountain.

Danny!
It wasn't my kind of movie.

You know what?
It is not fair

that I am locked here
with zero entertainment.

I just want
what's best for Leo.

And I don't?

Who the hell's that?

Who the hell is that?

I'm trying to have a
fight with my wife.

Hey, man.

It's kind of hard to maintain
an erection when I can hear my
bosses yelling at each other.

Two people are trying
to sex in there,

and your old-people
fighting, it's too much.

It's...
It's draining our juices.
Tell them, baby.

Uh, I think we should
maybe call it a night.

We're going to call...
Wait, what?

No!
See what's happening?

Two minutes ago,
she was like...

But then...

Shut up!

You know what, Morgan?
It's actually not a problem

because I've been cooped up
in this apartment all day

and I think it'd be
kind of fun to sneak out

to get a drink.
What?

- Yeah.
- Okay, fine.

If... If that's okay
with you, master?

- A drink?
- It's fine, yes.

He controls where I go
and when I go out.
Oh, that's not...

No, no, no, no.
Is that okay?

No!
Let her go!

A drink! A drink!

- Quiet.
- Oh, Madonna!

Stop. Stop it.

Oh, my God.
It is so trashy.

I... I'm so sorry.

You ready for round two, mama?

Yeah. Good idea.

I... I'm going to
hang with Dr. C.

I think he needs
my help, so...

Oh, my God.

Dr. C?

Dr. C, I think
the wind blew the door.

Tamra?
Come on.

How could you?

Is it because Dr. Reed
has a weird enormous head?

Hey, I have tall hair.

Jeremy? Tamar?

What are you doing here?

We are here to show you
the face of devastation.

Specifically, mine.

Hi, I'm Gerald.

Ah, forgive me,
Jeremy Reed.

Don't shake his hand!
Right.

I heard you on the phone,
White-ney,

scheming to meet this Gerald

while Dr. Reed's
back was turned.

Oh, my... Do you think
I'm cheating with Gerald?

Well, how else
do you explain it?

Actually, this is not
a good time to talk
about this, okay?

Great!
Nah!

Explain yourself right now.

Okay.

You want the truth?

For the past month,
I have been planning

a surprise engagement party
for my co-worker, Gerald.

Really?

I would have been
so surprised.

Then why the hell are
you two sitting out here?

Because we're waiting
for his fiancé, John.

So when you said,
"He doesn't suspect anything.

"He's an idiot."

I was talking about Gerald.

Oh.
Yeah.

I'm just going to go home.

Oh. Okay.
That makes sense.

But the good news is
you two are still together,

so we can keep
TLC Tuesdays,
right?

No! From now on, every day
is Business Formal Day!

No! I just bought a
completely clear top!

Excuse me?

I would like your
finest body shot, please.

- You got it.
- Thanks.

Good news. I can stay.

Told the wife I was
working late.

Crushed it!

Huge, bro.

Here's to getting home
after the kids are bathed
and asleep.

Cheers.

Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa!

Yeah?
Are you dudes for real?

You two would rather
stay out here and drink

than go home and
be with your babies?

As a mother,
you disgust me.

Well, as a mother,
what the hell
are you doing here?

For your information,
I am taking a break
'cause it's all too much!

That's exactly
what we're doing.

I... I can't believe it.

Your poor wives.
I mean, honestly.

I bet they would kill
to be married to

an over-protective psycho
who's obsessed with their kid.

If I wanted to get
told off by an Indian woman,

I'd tell my doctor
how much I actually drink.

Whoa! You don't know
what her day was like.

Baby's probably
driving her crazy.

She's got it as bad as us.

Actually, my baby's an angel
and his father is a saint.

I should bounce.
I... I'm really sorry, guys.

I thought
you were these, like,

finance
American Psycho wannabes,

but, like,
you're just creeps.

Catch you later, dudes.

Hmm.

Mmm.

Mind your business, Tamra.

Hey.

Hey.

I went and picked you up one
of those sandwiches you like

with all the
leaves inside of it.

Lettuce?

Thanks, babe.

How's he doing?

He's doing great.
Yeah.

You know, I was wrong
to use the nanny cam.

It's our first baby
and I was just a
little nervous.

But of course
I trust you, Mindy.

That's a nice thing to say.

And I didn't do it
just to keep an eye out.

I wanted a way to check in
when I was missing you two.

Why didn't you just tell me?

I would've done, like,
a sexy strip tease for you.

And I definitely
wouldn't have eaten that scab.

What?
Nothing, nothing.

I have to tell you
something, too.

Okay.

I am so happy that
the father of my son

wants to be
so involved in his life.

I'm really lucky.

But you have to
just let me be a mom
the way that I know how to.

And I'm going to
make mistakes, like,
a lot of mistakes.

Like, more mistakes than
pretty much anyone,

but I think
Leo will be okay.

Because we'll
balance each other out.

Yeah, as long as
we both compromise a little.

No. That's not what I said.

Yeah.

Oh, my God!

What a crazy night,
am I right?

Cover up.

We are so lucky that
we have each other.

Do I like Leo right now?
No, I don't.

But I will learn to love him
and he will learn to love me.

Morgan,
I can see your penis.

Oh, my God.
Oh! God!

Ripped & Corrected By mstoll