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1
00:00:01,813 --> 00:00:05,046
It's been three months since I left
New York for my fellowship at Stanford.
2
00:00:05,118 --> 00:00:08,283
And not to brag, but I am
straight up killing this bitch.
3
00:00:08,357 --> 00:00:10,349
The program.
Not the patient.
4
00:00:10,426 --> 00:00:11,826
Ooh!
Wow!
5
00:00:11,895 --> 00:00:14,626
And I'm helping people
in ways I never imagined.
6
00:00:14,700 --> 00:00:18,502
The in vitro was a success.
Congratulations, Mom.
7
00:00:19,273 --> 00:00:21,105
You're going to be a daddy.
I love you.
8
00:00:23,614 --> 00:00:24,672
Mmm.
9
00:00:26,986 --> 00:00:29,683
Okay. I'll give you
some space, so...
10
00:00:29,757 --> 00:00:31,225
I've even made friends.
11
00:00:31,292 --> 00:00:34,229
Yes, it's safe to say that
I'm loving my life out here.
12
00:00:34,297 --> 00:00:35,788
There's only one problem.
13
00:00:35,867 --> 00:00:37,529
I hate California.
14
00:00:37,603 --> 00:00:38,866
I mean, what's
with this Alcatraz?
15
00:00:38,972 --> 00:00:41,635
I'm just saying, there's no movie
called Escape from Rikers.
16
00:00:41,709 --> 00:00:43,541
You know why?
Because you can't.
17
00:00:43,612 --> 00:00:45,672
Cool. Can we please
go out today, Danny?
18
00:00:45,748 --> 00:00:46,841
No, let's just stay in tonight.
19
00:00:46,917 --> 00:00:48,317
I'll make some pasta fazool.
20
00:00:48,386 --> 00:00:50,321
And I know what kind of
produce they grow out here...
21
00:00:50,389 --> 00:00:51,379
Puff-puff.
22
00:00:52,592 --> 00:00:53,651
So I came prepared.
23
00:00:53,828 --> 00:00:55,023
Oh, my God!
24
00:00:55,397 --> 00:00:59,028
Look at the saus-eege. I got into a
big fight with TSA over this stuff.
25
00:00:59,103 --> 00:01:00,935
Come on. You're only
here for three days.
26
00:01:01,006 --> 00:01:03,841
I want you to come out so you can see
my groovy San Francisco lifestyle.
27
00:01:04,344 --> 00:01:05,471
All right. Fine.
28
00:01:06,247 --> 00:01:08,011
But I'm wearing
my bicycle helmet.
29
00:01:08,117 --> 00:01:09,483
Just in case there's
an earthquake.
30
00:01:09,586 --> 00:01:11,350
I got you one, too.
31
00:01:11,422 --> 00:01:13,015
I knew that
if I was going to get
32
00:01:13,092 --> 00:01:15,654
the ultimate New Yorker
to love San Francisco
33
00:01:15,729 --> 00:01:17,391
I'd have to give him a weekend
he wouldn't...
34
00:01:17,466 --> 00:01:18,934
...forget about.
35
00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:24,574
Danny, slow down. Stop!
36
00:01:24,710 --> 00:01:27,009
And I could tell
Danny was impressed.
37
00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:29,642
The steep hills make
everything exercise,
38
00:01:29,718 --> 00:01:32,187
and there were some trees
even older than him.
39
00:01:34,626 --> 00:01:36,754
The surprise was
somewhere in between
40
00:01:36,829 --> 00:01:39,321
that big red bridge
and that famous street train,
41
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:42,234
I realized that San Francisco
was starting to feel like home.
42
00:01:42,304 --> 00:01:44,638
And I'm gonna be sad to leave.
43
00:01:44,742 --> 00:01:46,438
Okay, Danny, be honest.
44
00:01:46,545 --> 00:01:49,344
Do you still think that this place
is just a giant weed dispensary
45
00:01:49,415 --> 00:01:50,576
between dim sum places?
46
00:01:50,718 --> 00:01:51,708
You know what?
47
00:01:52,053 --> 00:01:53,544
I see the appeal.
Yeah?
48
00:01:53,623 --> 00:01:54,681
Yeah.
It's your favorite place?
49
00:01:57,028 --> 00:01:58,894
Get on your bike helmet
and get down!
50
00:01:58,998 --> 00:02:00,967
We're all gonna die!
Get down, Mindy!
51
00:02:01,034 --> 00:02:03,766
Charlton Heston said we
should go to higher ground!
52
00:02:05,808 --> 00:02:09,769
Okay. Now.
Where were we?
53
00:02:10,115 --> 00:02:11,583
I'm gonna go take a shower.
54
00:02:14,322 --> 00:02:16,848
It's back on again!
It's back on again!
55
00:02:16,926 --> 00:02:18,258
Everybody get down!
56
00:02:23,303 --> 00:02:26,502
Rob, why did you ask me to
meet you at this address all alone?
57
00:02:26,575 --> 00:02:28,203
Okay, just because
I look like Olivia Pope
58
00:02:28,277 --> 00:02:30,371
does not mean that I know
how to disappear a body.
59
00:02:30,514 --> 00:02:32,380
What? No, no.
All right, look,
60
00:02:32,483 --> 00:02:35,420
how would you feel about starting a
world-class fertility clinic here?
61
00:02:36,056 --> 00:02:37,149
What? Really?
62
00:02:37,225 --> 00:02:38,215
Yeah. Okay.
Wait. All right.
63
00:02:38,293 --> 00:02:39,282
Just come here.
Picture it.
64
00:02:39,361 --> 00:02:42,127
You come in the door and
this could be your office.
65
00:02:42,833 --> 00:02:44,324
This is my office?
66
00:02:44,436 --> 00:02:46,166
Yeah, the whole thing.
Oh, my God!
67
00:02:46,239 --> 00:02:47,764
I'd have a balcony like Saddam.
68
00:02:47,841 --> 00:02:50,971
Okay. Just look, after your
fellowship this is the next step.
69
00:02:51,046 --> 00:02:54,142
You know, it is cool that I can do stuff
here that I can't do in New York.
70
00:02:54,218 --> 00:02:56,881
But what about my little
meatball back home?
71
00:02:56,989 --> 00:02:59,323
Well, that's the best part. I
thought Danny could come, too.
72
00:02:59,393 --> 00:03:00,451
Really?
Yeah.
73
00:03:00,527 --> 00:03:02,622
You said he loved it when he
came and visited San Francisco.
74
00:03:02,698 --> 00:03:04,166
And he made friends
with that drag queen!
75
00:03:04,268 --> 00:03:06,362
I'm pretty sure he thought
that was the real Tina Turner.
76
00:03:06,471 --> 00:03:07,564
Oh.
77
00:03:07,640 --> 00:03:09,609
"Lahiri, Castellano,
and Gurgler."
78
00:03:09,676 --> 00:03:10,665
Rolls right off the tongue.
79
00:03:10,744 --> 00:03:11,973
All right, so what do you say?
80
00:03:12,046 --> 00:03:13,412
Let me discuss it
with him this weekend.
81
00:03:13,482 --> 00:03:17,250
Because who knows? Maybe Danny will
be chill about a huge life change.
82
00:03:17,321 --> 00:03:18,346
When do you need to know by?
83
00:03:18,423 --> 00:03:20,858
All right, we've got 72 hours
if we want this space.
84
00:03:20,993 --> 00:03:22,655
Because the city wants to come
in and turn it into a place
85
00:03:22,729 --> 00:03:24,493
where rescue dogs
can get methadone.
86
00:03:25,167 --> 00:03:26,726
Damn San Francisco.
Yeah, I know.
87
00:03:27,437 --> 00:03:29,303
What?
Lauren's moving?
88
00:03:29,373 --> 00:03:31,205
Yep.
She's made up her mind.
89
00:03:31,276 --> 00:03:33,336
Apparently she's
going back to Texas.
90
00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:35,006
Okay, which one is Texas?
91
00:03:35,115 --> 00:03:36,310
Is that where Boston is?
92
00:03:37,253 --> 00:03:40,223
Wait, wait, wait.
So Lauren's moving?
93
00:03:41,125 --> 00:03:42,423
All I know is that
she broke up with me
94
00:03:42,494 --> 00:03:45,191
because things got, quote,
"Too complicated here."
95
00:03:45,398 --> 00:03:48,836
Ah. Complicated.
How about that?
96
00:03:49,272 --> 00:03:51,901
Have another hug. I don't want another hug.
I've had four.
97
00:03:51,975 --> 00:03:53,739
Thank you, though.
That's sweet.
98
00:03:53,845 --> 00:03:56,077
Yeah, that can be...
Yeah, you take your time.
99
00:03:56,149 --> 00:03:57,913
All right, buddy. Huh,
huh, huh, huh? Ow!
100
00:03:57,985 --> 00:03:59,851
God, your pokes are so hard!
101
00:03:59,922 --> 00:04:01,948
Okay, I saw what you and Lauren were doing.
I saw you two kissing.
102
00:04:02,025 --> 00:04:03,084
What else did you do?
Nothing!
103
00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:04,149
Topless hugging?
No!
104
00:04:04,228 --> 00:04:05,218
Bottomless dancing?
No!
105
00:04:05,297 --> 00:04:07,459
Prove it. Show me a photo
of you two not doing it.
106
00:04:07,533 --> 00:04:08,523
Okay.
Ah, you can't!
107
00:04:08,602 --> 00:04:10,366
Yes, I could. Okay. I hope
you're happy with yourself.
108
00:04:10,538 --> 00:04:11,870
I am not happy with myself!
109
00:04:11,941 --> 00:04:13,773
Do you think I have a chance with
her now that's she moving to Texas?
110
00:04:13,844 --> 00:04:15,574
When am I ever
gonna be in Texas?
111
00:04:15,646 --> 00:04:17,137
Besides the biggest paintball
tournament in the world,
112
00:04:17,216 --> 00:04:19,117
but I'm gonna be playing
paintball the whole time!
113
00:04:19,185 --> 00:04:20,517
You're right.
You're right.
114
00:04:21,155 --> 00:04:23,853
Hey, thank you so much for
picking me up from the airport!
115
00:04:23,926 --> 00:04:26,395
It's only been a couple of weeks, but
you have so many more gray hairs.
116
00:04:26,563 --> 00:04:28,623
When I first saw you I thought
you were Roger DeNiro.
117
00:04:28,801 --> 00:04:31,066
Ma says it looks presidential.
I dunno.
118
00:04:31,138 --> 00:04:32,231
So what's with
the surprise visit?
119
00:04:32,306 --> 00:04:34,241
I still haven't fixed the
headboard from last time.
120
00:04:34,443 --> 00:04:38,438
Okay. Yesterday I was
talking to Rob and...
121
00:04:38,549 --> 00:04:39,881
Hey, Danny?
Mmm?
122
00:04:39,985 --> 00:04:41,783
Your neighborhood
sure does look different.
123
00:04:41,888 --> 00:04:43,948
Where's the Freedom Tower?
Oh, no.
124
00:04:44,024 --> 00:04:45,549
It's not my neighborhood,
knucklehead.
125
00:04:45,627 --> 00:04:47,756
See, this is why Ma should
be my Amazing Race partner.
126
00:04:47,864 --> 00:04:49,662
Okay, but would she
eat a bucket of worms?
127
00:04:49,734 --> 00:04:51,896
I would!
Great, now I'm hungry.
128
00:04:51,970 --> 00:04:53,598
We're in Harlem.
Harlem?
129
00:04:53,673 --> 00:04:55,107
Yeah. Are you taking
me to the Apollo?
130
00:04:55,176 --> 00:04:58,636
I can't go. Katt Williams had me
banned for laughing too hard.
131
00:04:58,714 --> 00:05:00,774
Hold on a second.
Hold on. Okay.
132
00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:03,149
Take a look at this.
You see that building?
133
00:05:04,123 --> 00:05:06,092
Oh, that's
a really nice building.
134
00:05:06,159 --> 00:05:08,789
Oh no, not the nice one,
the one right next to it.
135
00:05:09,865 --> 00:05:10,890
Oh.
136
00:05:11,067 --> 00:05:12,763
Babe, it's ours.
137
00:05:13,504 --> 00:05:14,494
What?
138
00:05:14,973 --> 00:05:17,033
A brownstone in Manhattan
like you always wanted.
139
00:05:17,110 --> 00:05:18,976
We can finally
put down some roots.
140
00:05:19,362 --> 00:05:25,365
Ripped By mstoll
141
00:05:26,158 --> 00:05:27,524
This is it.
142
00:05:27,594 --> 00:05:30,723
Wow. It's like the brothel
that Don Draper was raised in.
143
00:05:30,865 --> 00:05:32,767
Check this out. Okay.
Living room.
144
00:05:32,835 --> 00:05:34,302
Dot and Mom hang out there.
145
00:05:34,438 --> 00:05:35,803
Babe, we got a backyard.
146
00:05:35,873 --> 00:05:38,503
Right now it's a pet cemetery,
but not the haunted kind.
147
00:05:38,577 --> 00:05:40,102
They gotta disclose that.
148
00:05:42,783 --> 00:05:44,149
You okay?
Yeah.
149
00:05:44,219 --> 00:05:45,710
It's just... Last time we
talked about living together
150
00:05:45,788 --> 00:05:46,983
you were pretty resistant.
151
00:05:47,057 --> 00:05:51,428
Yeah. Well, since you've been away I realize
how important it is that we're together.
152
00:05:51,631 --> 00:05:53,624
Yeah. Together. Together.
Here in New York.
153
00:05:53,701 --> 00:05:56,136
Hey, uh, just a reminder,
we should leave.
154
00:05:56,205 --> 00:05:57,901
Human nighttime is rat daytime.
155
00:05:58,275 --> 00:05:59,436
Thanks, Ray.
156
00:05:59,644 --> 00:06:00,771
Is there a big rat problem?
157
00:06:00,946 --> 00:06:03,313
No, it's no big deal.
No, it's pretty bad.
158
00:06:03,383 --> 00:06:05,249
It's a Temple of Doom
type situation.
159
00:06:05,787 --> 00:06:06,845
He's over the top.
160
00:06:06,922 --> 00:06:09,222
Yeah, it's a little, you know,
rough around the edges
161
00:06:09,293 --> 00:06:12,594
but, hey, so was I when you first
got your hands on me, right?
162
00:06:13,299 --> 00:06:14,426
I love it.
163
00:06:14,501 --> 00:06:15,935
It's everything
I've ever wanted.
164
00:06:18,574 --> 00:06:21,409
Guys, they're coming. I'm out of here.
I got kids.
165
00:06:21,712 --> 00:06:24,477
It's okay. He's so dramatic about
these rats. It's not a big deal.
166
00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:26,212
I mean, we're
doing construction.
167
00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:28,585
Oh! Okay,
let's get out of here.
168
00:06:30,392 --> 00:06:31,655
Guys, look who's here.
169
00:06:31,795 --> 00:06:36,063
Hey, bitches! The Bicoastal Babe is back.
#ltsHappening!
170
00:06:36,234 --> 00:06:38,226
Who's here? Who's here? Lauren?
Is it Lauren? Is it...
171
00:06:38,339 --> 00:06:39,328
Oh, it's you.
172
00:06:39,406 --> 00:06:41,602
"It's you"?
That's very rude, Jeremy.
173
00:06:41,743 --> 00:06:43,645
Look, can you not
ride me, please?
174
00:06:43,747 --> 00:06:44,873
If you can't tell
by my loosened Windsor,
175
00:06:44,948 --> 00:06:46,211
I'm going through
a lot right now.
176
00:06:46,351 --> 00:06:47,546
Okay, well...
177
00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:50,452
Hey, girls. I'm back!
Did you miss me?
178
00:06:50,558 --> 00:06:53,153
You were gone? Well, of
course she was gone.
179
00:06:53,228 --> 00:06:55,424
She was picking up
her Nobel Peace Prize.
180
00:06:55,498 --> 00:06:56,932
Your head healed real nice.
181
00:06:58,603 --> 00:07:00,003
She thinks you're Malala.
182
00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:01,630
Damn it.
183
00:07:02,109 --> 00:07:04,477
Okay. Well, great.
Really great to see you.
184
00:07:05,748 --> 00:07:08,981
Oh, hey! I got about
20 minutes left.
185
00:07:09,053 --> 00:07:12,081
There's a sign-up sheet over
by Dr. Castellano's office.
186
00:07:13,360 --> 00:07:14,554
Oh!
187
00:07:15,397 --> 00:07:17,366
Whoa! Oh! Ahh!
188
00:07:18,368 --> 00:07:20,997
Guys, thank you for doing all
my check-ups simultaneously.
189
00:07:21,105 --> 00:07:23,667
I wanted to do all of my medical appointments
before I went back to Palo Alto.
190
00:07:23,743 --> 00:07:26,338
Oh, my God. Your ear's
like a wax museum.
191
00:07:26,414 --> 00:07:28,714
I saw, like, Brad Pitt and
Angelina Jolie statues in there.
192
00:07:29,052 --> 00:07:30,452
I don't need a comedy routine.
193
00:07:31,789 --> 00:07:33,155
What's wrong, Peter?
You seem sad.
194
00:07:33,425 --> 00:07:34,723
You haven't
done the hilarious joke
195
00:07:34,794 --> 00:07:36,422
where you pretend to
find something in there.
196
00:07:36,596 --> 00:07:38,531
Well, I'm actually glad I'm getting
to do this exam on you today
197
00:07:38,599 --> 00:07:40,694
because you're the only one
I can talk to about this.
198
00:07:41,771 --> 00:07:43,501
What?
Do you have a secret?
199
00:07:43,574 --> 00:07:45,634
Ooh, your secret's
safe-ish with me.
200
00:07:45,778 --> 00:07:47,679
So Lauren's moving
back to Texas today.
201
00:07:47,748 --> 00:07:51,049
But between you and me things were
just kind of starting up again.
202
00:07:51,754 --> 00:07:52,847
Starting up how?
203
00:07:52,989 --> 00:07:54,115
They kissed.
I saw the whole thing!
204
00:07:54,224 --> 00:07:55,487
Dude!
205
00:07:55,560 --> 00:07:58,224
Um, your blood pressure is one
billion over one million.
206
00:07:58,398 --> 00:08:00,299
What's going on, man?
You gotta eat better.
207
00:08:00,401 --> 00:08:01,391
I know.
I'm just so stressed.
208
00:08:01,470 --> 00:08:02,562
Do you think you could
get me something to eat?
209
00:08:02,637 --> 00:08:03,866
You want the breakfast sandwich?
210
00:08:03,940 --> 00:08:05,169
The bacon, egg, cheese, ham?
211
00:08:05,242 --> 00:08:06,540
Double bacon,
double egg, double cheese.
212
00:08:06,611 --> 00:08:08,169
Hash browns, too?
Yeah.
213
00:08:08,848 --> 00:08:12,183
Okay. I am sorry that Lauren's
moving to Texas, but it's her loss.
214
00:08:12,286 --> 00:08:13,879
There's no guys like you there.
215
00:08:13,956 --> 00:08:17,621
It's all just like oil tycoons and
cowboys and football players.
216
00:08:18,062 --> 00:08:19,860
Well, I mean
that sounds pretty...
217
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,366
I don't know.
How about you and Danny?
218
00:08:22,436 --> 00:08:23,698
Things are
going well there, huh?
219
00:08:23,772 --> 00:08:25,468
Well, this is a secret.
220
00:08:25,541 --> 00:08:26,940
I have this amazing opportunity
221
00:08:27,009 --> 00:08:28,739
to start a fertility clinic
in San Francisco.
222
00:08:28,812 --> 00:08:29,802
What?
223
00:08:29,881 --> 00:08:31,713
Yeah. I just love it
there so much.
224
00:08:31,784 --> 00:08:32,877
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
225
00:08:33,253 --> 00:08:35,119
That's a huge move.
I know.
226
00:08:35,189 --> 00:08:37,158
But so was moving to
Stanford in the first place.
227
00:08:37,259 --> 00:08:39,729
Believe me, Peter. Life
doesn't move in steps,
228
00:08:39,797 --> 00:08:41,493
it moves in huge leaps.
229
00:08:42,033 --> 00:08:44,264
That's a line from Michelle
Kwan's autobiography.
230
00:08:44,538 --> 00:08:45,766
Michelle Kwan's not wrong.
231
00:08:48,644 --> 00:08:51,672
Lauren! Lauren Neustadter?
Don't board that plane!
232
00:08:52,082 --> 00:08:54,917
Peter? What are you doing?
How did you get back here?
233
00:08:55,054 --> 00:08:57,023
I bought a $1,000
ticket to Winnipeg.
234
00:08:57,090 --> 00:08:58,388
Totally worth it.
235
00:08:58,493 --> 00:08:59,858
Can we go somewhere
to talk, please?
236
00:08:59,928 --> 00:09:02,398
But I'm Group One! I get to
board early because of Henry.
237
00:09:02,499 --> 00:09:05,025
This will only
take a minute, I swear.
238
00:09:05,102 --> 00:09:07,572
Group One, passengers
with small children.
239
00:09:07,907 --> 00:09:09,705
Mmm... Okay. Okay.
240
00:09:10,110 --> 00:09:12,808
Lauren, you and I,
I think that we...
241
00:09:12,915 --> 00:09:16,944
Group Two, elderly passengers
and active military.
242
00:09:17,121 --> 00:09:18,783
Why not just put
them in Group One
243
00:09:18,858 --> 00:09:20,053
if you're gonna
move it that fast.
244
00:09:20,126 --> 00:09:22,858
Look, Lauren, I know you're not
interested in dating anybody right now.
245
00:09:22,965 --> 00:09:24,558
Yeah. But if you were
just to maybe...
246
00:09:24,634 --> 00:09:28,197
Now a special boarding as we
welcome the New York Philharmonic.
247
00:09:29,107 --> 00:09:30,336
There goes your overhead space.
248
00:09:30,509 --> 00:09:32,774
Look, Lauren,
I want to be with you.
249
00:09:33,114 --> 00:09:37,280
Life doesn't move in small
steps, it moves in leaps.
250
00:09:37,754 --> 00:09:40,816
Peter, this is amazing,
but I am moving to Austin.
251
00:09:40,893 --> 00:09:42,725
I already bought
a split-level ranch
252
00:09:42,795 --> 00:09:44,127
and a book about barbecue.
253
00:09:44,198 --> 00:09:48,604
Wait, wait, wait. Tell me you don't
want me to go with you and I won't go.
254
00:09:50,508 --> 00:09:51,976
I can't tell you that.
255
00:09:52,044 --> 00:09:56,039
This is the final, final boarding
for people having a moment.
256
00:09:56,183 --> 00:09:57,583
Oh, come on.
I gotta go.
257
00:09:57,653 --> 00:09:59,554
They're gonna
make me bag check Henry.
258
00:10:01,358 --> 00:10:02,621
Goodbye, Peter.
259
00:10:03,028 --> 00:10:04,018
Think about it.
260
00:10:10,372 --> 00:10:11,362
Bye.
261
00:10:16,916 --> 00:10:18,908
Oh, my God. My baby!
She left him in the...
262
00:10:18,986 --> 00:10:21,012
She was watching. You're fine.
Bye, Peter.
263
00:10:21,122 --> 00:10:22,852
Bye. Bye.
I'm sorry.
264
00:10:22,959 --> 00:10:23,949
Bye, Henry.
265
00:10:25,930 --> 00:10:27,865
Hey, awesome boyfriend.
Do you have a minute?
266
00:10:27,933 --> 00:10:29,458
I wanted to run
something by you.
267
00:10:29,536 --> 00:10:31,334
Mindy, I told you. I'm not
gonna get an earring.
268
00:10:31,539 --> 00:10:33,098
No, it's actually...
Guys!
269
00:10:33,175 --> 00:10:35,145
I got some incredibly
major news.
270
00:10:35,212 --> 00:10:39,708
I am effectively quitting Shulman
& Associates and moving to Texas!
271
00:10:40,119 --> 00:10:41,917
And I want to thank the one
person that convinced me
272
00:10:41,990 --> 00:10:44,323
to keep Austin weird
and follow my heart...
273
00:10:44,526 --> 00:10:45,653
Mindy Lahiri!
274
00:10:45,929 --> 00:10:47,021
What?
275
00:10:47,130 --> 00:10:49,032
I think he's talking
to you, Malala.
276
00:10:52,573 --> 00:10:56,011
What? Wait a minute? Why on earth would
you tell Peter to leave the practice?
277
00:10:56,078 --> 00:10:57,170
I can't remember
anything that I said.
278
00:10:57,246 --> 00:10:59,512
It was a pap smear! I was
just focusing on not farting!
279
00:10:59,684 --> 00:11:01,346
Not that focused.
You still farted.
280
00:11:01,453 --> 00:11:03,752
You know Dr. L also
told me to move to Texas.
281
00:11:03,823 --> 00:11:06,658
But I was like, "No, I care
about my co-workers too much."
282
00:11:06,828 --> 00:11:08,592
No, no, no.
I did not say that!
283
00:11:08,731 --> 00:11:11,292
Oh, yeah. Because you haven't been
talking to me for two months.
284
00:11:11,536 --> 00:11:13,334
Tamra, I live in California.
285
00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:15,602
How dare you, Peter?
Chasing after Lauren?
286
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:18,612
If anybody should be dropping
everything and moving to Texas it's me.
287
00:11:19,048 --> 00:11:20,107
You're going to go to Texas?
288
00:11:20,183 --> 00:11:21,981
Yes. Yes. I will.
Really?
289
00:11:24,423 --> 00:11:26,722
Actually, you know, now is...
Ugh, it's a bad time.
290
00:11:27,694 --> 00:11:29,890
No, no, no. Pete, why would
you abandon us like this?
291
00:11:29,964 --> 00:11:33,333
We changed you from an unemployable
pervert to an employable pervert.
292
00:11:33,470 --> 00:11:35,405
And I will never forget
that and I appreciate it.
293
00:11:35,473 --> 00:11:36,771
Guys, I can't talk
about this anymore.
294
00:11:36,842 --> 00:11:38,674
I gotta go find
an apartment in Texas
295
00:11:38,745 --> 00:11:41,307
on the off chance that Lauren doesn't
want me to move in right away.
296
00:11:41,483 --> 00:11:42,781
Pete!
297
00:11:43,052 --> 00:11:46,546
Okay, people aren't leaving here
willy-nilly like that, okay?
298
00:11:46,624 --> 00:11:48,422
That's not what we're doing here.
We have a contract.
299
00:11:48,494 --> 00:11:51,260
Unless it's for something really
important that you feel you must go to.
300
00:11:51,332 --> 00:11:52,731
Absolutely not.
301
00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:55,566
Just because you feel like doing
something doesn't mean you can.
302
00:11:55,638 --> 00:11:57,539
Is that what you wanted to tell me?
Mmm-hmm.
303
00:11:58,276 --> 00:11:59,904
Yep. That's exactly
what I want to tell you.
304
00:12:00,446 --> 00:12:01,435
I'm going, too.
305
00:12:02,015 --> 00:12:03,483
What?
Yeah.
306
00:12:03,918 --> 00:12:05,318
I'm gonna go get a bubble tea.
307
00:12:05,387 --> 00:12:07,720
I've never had one before,
but I gotta follow my heart.
308
00:12:22,248 --> 00:12:23,579
Oh, God.
309
00:12:24,317 --> 00:12:28,756
No! No! Ahh!
Why did I quit my job?
310
00:12:28,857 --> 00:12:32,124
Oh! Oh, Gurgler!
311
00:12:32,931 --> 00:12:35,366
You did it again, Gurgler.
You did it again!
312
00:12:36,069 --> 00:12:39,096
Look, I know my going away
party for Peter is unpopular.
313
00:12:39,174 --> 00:12:43,443
However, I do think that the comments on
the online invite were excessively rude.
314
00:12:43,581 --> 00:12:45,413
Sorry, I always speak my mind.
315
00:12:45,918 --> 00:12:47,181
You look bad today.
316
00:12:47,353 --> 00:12:49,652
I look like freakin' spring
awakening right now.
317
00:12:49,925 --> 00:12:51,222
I threaten to
quit almost every week
318
00:12:51,293 --> 00:12:53,228
and you never throw
me a going away party,
319
00:12:53,296 --> 00:12:54,491
except a couple of times.
320
00:12:54,731 --> 00:12:56,529
Okay, Peter didn't do
anything wrong, you guys.
321
00:12:56,668 --> 00:12:59,138
I think him moving for the life
he wants is kind of brave.
322
00:12:59,239 --> 00:13:00,264
Or selfish.
323
00:13:00,408 --> 00:13:01,534
You know what
the brave thing would be?
324
00:13:01,609 --> 00:13:02,599
Would be not
to follow your girlfriend
325
00:13:02,678 --> 00:13:04,647
and instead staying true
to the condo lease agreement
326
00:13:04,714 --> 00:13:06,205
you signed the year before.
327
00:13:06,917 --> 00:13:08,010
Daniel.
328
00:13:10,256 --> 00:13:11,485
You know what I think is brave?
329
00:13:11,592 --> 00:13:14,290
Asking your boss for a raise in
front of your fellow employees.
330
00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:27,513
Mindy, I am so sorry.
331
00:13:27,583 --> 00:13:31,522
But I just caught two of my friends doing
drugs off of this picture of your parents.
332
00:13:31,790 --> 00:13:32,779
Oh, my God!
333
00:13:33,193 --> 00:13:35,025
Why are you in here all alone?
What's going on?
334
00:13:35,563 --> 00:13:36,929
Did Pube do something to you?
335
00:13:37,032 --> 00:13:39,524
No. I mean he grabbed my
ass, but I liked that.
336
00:13:40,004 --> 00:13:42,405
Peter, I'm just sad that
I can't even talk to Danny
337
00:13:42,474 --> 00:13:44,306
about wanting to take
this job in San Francisco.
338
00:13:44,543 --> 00:13:46,205
I mean, look at how
he reacted to your news.
339
00:13:46,413 --> 00:13:48,849
He didn't even show up to the party.
And that's just you!
340
00:13:49,418 --> 00:13:51,944
Tough to hear it
phrased that way,
341
00:13:52,022 --> 00:13:53,547
but I understand
what you're saying.
342
00:13:53,624 --> 00:13:54,649
I'm sorry.
343
00:13:54,793 --> 00:13:57,024
You know, part of me feels guilty
for even wanting any of this.
344
00:13:57,163 --> 00:14:00,066
Up until now, all I've ever wanted was
to live with in Manhattan with Danny
345
00:14:00,135 --> 00:14:01,763
and our 12 daughters.
346
00:14:01,837 --> 00:14:03,237
We'd have a reality show called
347
00:14:03,307 --> 00:14:05,776
Keeping Up With the
Castellanos Plus Lahiri.
348
00:14:06,812 --> 00:14:08,144
It's a long title.
Yeah.
349
00:14:08,214 --> 00:14:12,482
But look, Mindy, you're allowed
to change what you want in life.
350
00:14:12,788 --> 00:14:14,518
People do it all the time.
351
00:14:16,328 --> 00:14:18,593
But you know what I would
do is I would tell Danny.
352
00:14:18,664 --> 00:14:21,429
Just be honest with him. He loves you.
He'll understand.
353
00:14:27,611 --> 00:14:28,601
Still here?
354
00:14:28,980 --> 00:14:31,415
Hey, pal. Let me guess, you're
skipping the party, too?
355
00:14:31,718 --> 00:14:34,689
Yeah, of course I am.
The gall of Peter.
356
00:14:34,823 --> 00:14:37,316
Leaving us all in the lurch.
Who does he think he is?
357
00:14:37,761 --> 00:14:40,459
Father? Mother?
358
00:14:40,599 --> 00:14:42,329
Yeah, well, you never have to
worry about that from me, okay?
359
00:14:42,402 --> 00:14:44,371
I never bail on responsibility.
360
00:14:44,472 --> 00:14:47,169
I still go upstate to water
a tree I planted at camp.
361
00:14:47,275 --> 00:14:49,472
Yeah, of course, we're gonna be fine.
We'll be fine.
362
00:14:49,546 --> 00:14:50,774
How are we going
to replace Peter?
363
00:14:50,849 --> 00:14:54,514
Who's gonna insert a photo of his
bottom into my slide presentations?
364
00:14:54,855 --> 00:14:57,188
Or when he hands me my breakfast
banana from his zipper.
365
00:14:57,258 --> 00:14:58,351
He just...
366
00:15:00,096 --> 00:15:01,359
What an idiot.
367
00:15:02,266 --> 00:15:03,700
You know, there's
a chance without Pete,
368
00:15:03,769 --> 00:15:05,704
Mindy and I wouldn't
be together right now.
369
00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:13,076
I want to thank everybody
so much for coming tonight.
370
00:15:13,150 --> 00:15:15,848
I know a lot of you canceled some
very important plans to be here.
371
00:15:15,954 --> 00:15:17,081
Yeah, no kidding.
372
00:15:17,157 --> 00:15:21,823
When I first got to New York, I was
a chubby, jerky, immature loser.
373
00:15:21,931 --> 00:15:24,093
I would cry all night
in front of my computer.
374
00:15:24,168 --> 00:15:27,401
My only solace, a hand.
Maybe two.
375
00:15:27,573 --> 00:15:29,804
Hear, hear! To groundin'
and poundin'!
376
00:15:29,876 --> 00:15:30,935
You know what I'm saying.
377
00:15:31,012 --> 00:15:32,001
Oh, God.
378
00:15:32,079 --> 00:15:33,945
Anyway, then something
awesome happened.
379
00:15:34,016 --> 00:15:35,678
Something life-changing.
380
00:15:35,853 --> 00:15:38,516
A group of really cool
vaginistas took me in.
381
00:15:38,924 --> 00:15:41,190
Is he talking about just
the doctors or also the support staff?
382
00:15:41,295 --> 00:15:43,264
Your "shh"
was much louder than me!
383
00:15:43,331 --> 00:15:44,526
Shh!
384
00:15:44,633 --> 00:15:47,159
Anyway, I never do this but I
want to single someone out.
385
00:15:47,237 --> 00:15:49,263
Someone who means so much to me.
386
00:15:49,540 --> 00:15:50,701
Mindy Lahiri.
387
00:15:50,776 --> 00:15:52,642
I don't think I'd be here
today without you.
388
00:15:52,745 --> 00:15:54,407
You have showed me some...
389
00:15:54,748 --> 00:15:56,775
Hey, cool!
Danny and Jeremy came!
390
00:15:56,953 --> 00:15:58,979
Aw, hey guys, what's up? I was just...
It doesn't matter.
391
00:15:59,056 --> 00:16:01,457
What's going on? It's so
good to see you, man.
392
00:16:01,827 --> 00:16:03,853
I am so happy you
guys came. Thank you.
393
00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:06,156
Hey, look, you're a great friend
394
00:16:06,234 --> 00:16:07,862
and you should do
whatever you need to do
395
00:16:07,936 --> 00:16:11,101
and Jeremy, and Mindy and I, we're
gonna hold down the practice.
396
00:16:11,442 --> 00:16:12,535
Now tell him
you love him.
397
00:16:12,911 --> 00:16:14,311
Tell him that you'll
love him forever.
398
00:16:15,214 --> 00:16:16,477
Yeah, I think the
sentiment is covered.
399
00:16:16,550 --> 00:16:18,382
No, I don't do that.
Just tell him.
400
00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:20,245
I get it. We got it.
"Bon voyage"?
401
00:16:20,824 --> 00:16:23,055
Mindy! You decided to do it?
402
00:16:23,127 --> 00:16:24,322
Oh, thank God!
403
00:16:24,396 --> 00:16:27,127
I sent a really gloating
e-mail to my alumni magazine.
404
00:16:27,267 --> 00:16:28,496
Wait, Rob,
why would you do that?
405
00:16:28,802 --> 00:16:31,136
Because life moves
in leaps, not steps!
406
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,038
Haven't you read Michelle
Kwan's autobiography?
407
00:16:33,110 --> 00:16:34,578
We cannot do this
right now, okay?
408
00:16:34,746 --> 00:16:37,147
Wait a minute. Wait.
Do what?
409
00:16:38,018 --> 00:16:41,011
You, me and Mindy! Starting a
practice in San Francisco, huh?
410
00:16:42,457 --> 00:16:43,652
I'm so happy!
411
00:16:46,230 --> 00:16:47,493
Oh, my God!
412
00:16:48,868 --> 00:16:50,803
Dr. L, if you are going
to San Francisco,
413
00:16:50,871 --> 00:16:52,999
what can you offer me in
terms of relocation package?
414
00:16:53,207 --> 00:16:56,178
Mindy and I aren't moving to San Francisco.
Is this a prank?
415
00:16:56,379 --> 00:16:58,211
San Francisco's the worst.
416
00:16:58,349 --> 00:16:59,339
Yeah!
417
00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:01,620
Because of all the Chinese.
418
00:17:01,788 --> 00:17:02,949
No, no, no.
419
00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:04,992
Okay, no, San Francisco
is not the worst.
420
00:17:05,060 --> 00:17:08,896
It's beautiful and it's inspiring
and it's made me my best self.
421
00:17:08,999 --> 00:17:11,094
I'm a better leader.
I'm kinder.
422
00:17:11,170 --> 00:17:12,934
Boo!
423
00:17:13,106 --> 00:17:14,938
Okay, shut the hell up, trash!
424
00:17:15,009 --> 00:17:16,671
Okay, just leave
her alone, okay?
425
00:17:16,745 --> 00:17:19,545
I'm sorry San Francisco doesn't
have everything New York does,
426
00:17:19,650 --> 00:17:23,247
with your bedbugs, your cold, your
pathetic excuse for a Chinatown.
427
00:17:23,322 --> 00:17:24,813
Yeah, our dim sum's
incomparable.
428
00:17:24,891 --> 00:17:26,655
Okay! Wait!
Fight! Fight!
429
00:17:26,728 --> 00:17:27,956
Go! Go!
430
00:17:28,163 --> 00:17:30,826
So youse two have
been plannin' this behind my back?
431
00:17:30,900 --> 00:17:32,391
Oh no, Danny,
432
00:17:32,470 --> 00:17:34,063
you only talk ethnic
when you're really furious.
433
00:17:34,206 --> 00:17:36,573
Okay, listen, I was going to tell you.
I promise.
434
00:17:36,910 --> 00:17:38,572
You don't really want
to do this, do you?
435
00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:40,774
Maybe. Yeah. I mean,
I want us to talk about it.
436
00:17:41,384 --> 00:17:42,613
I bought us a house.
437
00:17:43,053 --> 00:17:44,248
I know.
438
00:17:47,861 --> 00:17:49,193
Good job, guy from
San Francisco,
439
00:17:49,263 --> 00:17:50,731
you made Danny leave my party.
440
00:17:50,799 --> 00:17:52,427
He just got here!
441
00:17:54,071 --> 00:17:55,733
Well, enjoy the West Coast.
442
00:17:58,144 --> 00:17:59,635
I'd like to have
everyone's attention.
443
00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:01,643
I am also moving.
444
00:18:01,716 --> 00:18:06,986
I am moving from the basement of my
grandmother's house to the attic.
445
00:18:13,334 --> 00:18:15,166
Hey, dude. What's up?
446
00:18:15,304 --> 00:18:17,830
Hey. How'd you know
which brownstone was ours?
447
00:18:18,108 --> 00:18:21,375
Oh, there's a tiny rivulet of
sweat running onto the street.
448
00:18:21,447 --> 00:18:23,440
So you want to tell me
what that wall did to you?
449
00:18:23,617 --> 00:18:26,212
Hey, man. I don't understand.
Why is she moving away?
450
00:18:26,321 --> 00:18:27,619
She wants to get away from me?
451
00:18:27,757 --> 00:18:29,692
No, dude. The girl's
obsessed with you.
452
00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:31,991
She has a mold of your
penis as her keychain.
453
00:18:32,131 --> 00:18:35,067
I think this fertility clinic is
just a big opportunity for her,
454
00:18:35,168 --> 00:18:36,363
for the practice, and for you.
455
00:18:36,471 --> 00:18:37,837
Well, not for me.
I mean, I live here.
456
00:18:37,906 --> 00:18:39,636
I live in New York.
This is my home.
457
00:18:39,809 --> 00:18:41,937
Home is where
the person you love is.
458
00:18:42,012 --> 00:18:43,344
That's why I'm moving to Texas.
459
00:18:45,551 --> 00:18:46,814
Now, can I please...
460
00:18:47,922 --> 00:18:49,618
Yeah.
Thank you.
461
00:18:50,392 --> 00:18:51,690
I always wanted to try this.
462
00:18:51,962 --> 00:18:53,021
Looks easy enough.
463
00:18:54,733 --> 00:18:56,132
Take that!
464
00:18:56,970 --> 00:18:59,462
Oh, God! Oh, no!
465
00:18:59,540 --> 00:19:01,442
Get a bucket! Get a bucket!
466
00:19:02,345 --> 00:19:03,335
No!
467
00:19:03,514 --> 00:19:05,779
What? I'm helping you! Cover it!
468
00:19:06,685 --> 00:19:07,674
I'm trying!
469
00:19:12,861 --> 00:19:14,887
What's up?
Hey!
470
00:19:16,934 --> 00:19:19,564
Oh, God. Did you
inhale these again?
471
00:19:19,872 --> 00:19:21,966
I know. I just thought an
apology would be funnier
472
00:19:22,042 --> 00:19:23,442
if I did it in my
Mickey Mouse voice.
473
00:19:23,745 --> 00:19:24,770
Hey, Danny.
474
00:19:24,847 --> 00:19:26,839
I'm sorry if you thought
I was going to San Francisco.
475
00:19:29,254 --> 00:19:31,246
I don't
know what to do, Danny.
476
00:19:31,324 --> 00:19:32,792
I know that you'll never
move to San Francisco,
477
00:19:32,860 --> 00:19:35,990
but I'm also worried that I'm gonna
regret it for the rest of my life
478
00:19:36,065 --> 00:19:37,123
if I don't do it.
479
00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:38,498
I get it.
People change.
480
00:19:38,602 --> 00:19:41,037
I mean, there are so many things
that I couldn't picture myself doing
481
00:19:41,105 --> 00:19:42,698
or liking before I met you.
482
00:19:44,110 --> 00:19:45,305
And that's why I love you.
483
00:19:46,715 --> 00:19:48,707
But I can only change so much.
484
00:19:49,219 --> 00:19:52,281
Anyway, you wouldn't like me if
I became a different person.
485
00:19:52,724 --> 00:19:53,714
You wouldn't like me.
486
00:19:54,460 --> 00:19:55,485
You're right.
487
00:19:56,630 --> 00:19:57,962
So what do we do?
488
00:20:05,845 --> 00:20:07,438
I don't know.
489
00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:12,586
I don't know.
490
00:20:57,994 --> 00:21:00,088
Hey, Peter.
I was gonna call you.
491
00:21:00,164 --> 00:21:01,826
I feel like I didn't get
a chance to say goodbye.
492
00:21:02,033 --> 00:21:04,025
Yeah, I'm sorry
I ghosted back there.
493
00:21:04,104 --> 00:21:06,005
I just... I thought it
would be too hard.
494
00:21:06,607 --> 00:21:07,973
You're kind of my best friend.
495
00:21:08,344 --> 00:21:11,440
Oh, my God. I think
you're my best friend, too!
496
00:21:11,749 --> 00:21:13,183
You know, I'm also your doctor
497
00:21:13,251 --> 00:21:14,981
and your lab results came back.
498
00:21:15,421 --> 00:21:16,446
Oh, no.
499
00:21:16,523 --> 00:21:17,991
Peter, I could have
gotten it from anywhere!
500
00:21:18,093 --> 00:21:19,253
I used a gas station toilet!
501
00:21:19,361 --> 00:21:21,490
I wore a bathing suit
that I found in the street.
502
00:21:21,665 --> 00:21:23,395
No, dummy.
503
00:21:23,468 --> 00:21:24,594
You're pregnant.
504
00:21:28,542 --> 00:21:29,531
Exqueeze me?
505
00:21:29,777 --> 00:21:32,509
Very nice, my child.
506
00:21:33,316 --> 00:21:36,310
I mean it's...
It's not mine. Is it?
507
00:21:36,388 --> 00:21:38,722
I'm just kidding.
It's Danny's.
508
00:21:38,825 --> 00:21:40,453
I hope. Okay.
509
00:21:40,528 --> 00:21:41,586
Tell me how it happened.
510
00:21:41,662 --> 00:21:43,722
Wait, wait, wait, I want
to hit record on my phone.
511
00:21:46,233 --> 00:21:54,238
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