All language subtitles for The Mindy Project (2012) - S03E12 - Stanford (1080p Blu-ray x265 Panda).eng

Leaving New York City
for a fellowship

across the country
at Stanford University

is both scary and exciting.

You can't help but feel it's like
the first day of college again.

Will it be like Felicity?
Who will be my Ben?

Who will be my Noel?

Who will be my Greg Grunberg?

Me, you dope.
I'm all the guys.

You know you're doing a fellowship
in Reproductive Endocrinology,

not pledging a sorority, right?

Obviously, Danny.

But, do you think I should
join an a cappella group?

Oh! Or better yet,
an improv troupe,

'cause I'm so quick on my...

Damn it, what is the word?

Anyway.
I'm super good at improv.

Voice of a nightingale.

Hello, Stanford!

Hello, Stanford.

I got this.
Hola, cómo estás?

I'm from India.

I don't got this.
You got it?

I actually don't speak any
Indian languages, but I do know

how to do a kind of
offensive Indian accent.

Oh! I'm Neepa, from Gwalior.
Where are you from?

Boston, baby! Home of the Freedom
Trail and Tom Brady's penis.

Yeah, hey.

This is Neil, my son.

I'm so sorry. I didn't know
there was a child in this room.

My husband is back in India

working in a chemical plant,

until I finish this fellowship

and we can be a family again.

This handsome one right here,
he doesn't live here either.

New York City,
but he's gonna visit a lot,

'cause he's got a ton of miles

'cause he's constantly
complaining to the airlines.

Yeah, I don't like when
they change the gate on me.

You know, I'm all set up at 42 B

and then they reroute me to 41?

I mean, it'll cost you!

We're in the same boat.

Thanks.

I wrote down your campus
security phone number.

This right here,
this is a money belt

so you don't get robbed.

Danny,

you're acting like my dad
dropping me off to college.

What's next?
You gonna give me Brown Bear

even though
I've totally outgrown him?

Ah, Brown Bear!

I guess he can
stay here with me.

Even though I don't need him.

Of course you don't.
He takes up no room.

No, he's small.

I love you so much.

What's this stuff?

Oh, my supervisor's hosting
a kick-off party

for all the new
fellows tomorrow.

Wait a minute, your
supervisor's Robert Gurgler.

Mmm-hmm. Yeah.
Bob Gurgler?

Man, I went to med school
with that guy.

I'll tell you what, why
don't I give him a call

and just, you know, put
in a good word for you.

I don't want you
to do that, Danny.

Why not?
You love nepotism.

The other day you said,
"Wouldn't it be easier

"if the next president was
just this president's kid?"

I don't want you to
call in any favors for me.

And I don't want you
to worry about me,

and I don't want you
to give me...

Oh, my God.

Is this $1,000 in Traveler's Cheques?
Hot diggity!

Okay, look. No.

I wanna do this on my own.

Yeah? You sure?
Mmm-hmm. Mmm.

Okay.

Hey.

Rosie's really working on you, right?
We can do it.

Who?
Rosie the Riveter.

That's Taylor Swift.
Who?

All right, we are connected.
Thank you.

Uh, good morning, sleepy head!

I'm in California. It's 5:00 in
the morning! What are you doing?

So, as I'm sure you know

the hospital basketball
tournament is in two days.

And our team...

You see that?

We have
a practice tonight.

And we were thinking maybe you
should take an earlier flight

in so you can make it.

I found a flight with
a connection in Alaska.

It's $4,500, but it's
the right thing to do.

I'm not doing that,

but I'll be home for the game.
So, uh...

I gotta get back to bed.

Good night.
Bye.

Whoo! Morgan, you're
a really good coach.

Thanks, Tam. It's just
frustrating, you know?

You own 40 dogs and you think

one of them might be
like Air Bud, but no.

All right, I'll see you
at practice, champ.

Ripped By mstoll

Ooh, la, la.
My first Stanford party.

Due to the nature of the procedure,
you will wanna make sure

that you are all current with your basic...
Can I help you?

Oh, no. I am so sorry. I...

I thought this was
a kick-off party.

It said kick-off "BASH."

Beginning of Academic
Scholarship Hangout.

Okay, well. At least I got here
before the professor arrived.

That would be me.

The guy down here at the front.

You're Dr. Gurgler.

Oh, I'm so sorry.
I apologize.

I will say, this is
a little misleading.

All of us easily understood
the acronym.

Regardless of what "Medically
Blonde" here thinks.

I actually thought
it was a little mean.

But thank you
for calling me a blonde.

This is a very rigorous program
that will require... Neepa!

...a lot of time and energy.
It's your friend, Mindy!

Neepa, Neepa! You are going
to have to make sacrifices

in your personal life.
Why are you still talking?

And sit down!

I actually can't sit
in this dress.

Why not? 'Cause I'm not
wearing underwear.

Three miles to airport.

Really nice
nav system you got here.

I mean, I'd be more confident
if it was a guy's voice,

but that's just me.

Hey, would you stop
being so nervous?

Yeah, I'm not, it's just
that this fellowship

is a lot harder than I thought.
Everybody hates me.

It's like that time I went to
fat camp when I was a kid.

I was by far the skinniest one.

Yeah, look.
I know it's hard.

But if you want me to call Rob,
I can do that, no problem.

No. No, don't do that. I
need to do this on my own.

Maybe I should apologize to him.

I'm actually
really good at apologies.

I mean, you forgave me

for dyeing all your gray
hairs black in your sleep.

What?

Yeah, did you think you
were magically getting younger?

I am sorry, Barbara,
that we never go out anymore,

but, look, this is the job
that pays for your scarves.

I don't know why you need to...

Uh... I gotta go.

What do you want?

I wanted to apologize
about yesterday.

Okay. Is that all?

Adee-ba-dee-ba-dee,
that's all folks!

So...
Idiot.

Yeah, I know, right? Who would
park a bike in a parking spot?

I was talking about you.

That is my car.
That's a bike.

Uh, no. It's a car.

It's technically a motor
vehicle and it cost $20,000.

There's no motor.
My feet would be the motor!

Like Fred Flintstone?

Yeah, in his prehistoric car.

Faced! Welcome to
Palo Alto, genius.

Hey, Dr. Gurgler, you went to medical
school with Danny Castellano, right?

Yeah.

Well, he's my boyfriend.

Yeah. When I knew him, Dan
always did like Hispanic girls.

Well, I'm...

It... Okay, yeah.
Okay, it doesn't matter.

But, he's still in town,
maybe you wanna hang out?

I'd love to see
Dan the Man again.

Are you gonna be there?

Yeah, I'm gonna be there.
He's my boyfriend.

Could you guys do a
double date tonight? Yes.

I'll clear my schedule.
Okay, that's fantastic.

Bye, Dr. Gurgler.

Hey, babe.

Danny, I need you to come back.

Turns out I do need your help.

Hey, Neeps,

I am actually leaving
work early today.

Dr. Gurgler knows.
Mmm.

I'm actually having
dinner with him,

and I was hoping
you could cover me.

Mmm-hmm? I could
bring you and Neil

dinner back from the restaurant.

I will not accept
your guilt dinner.

Your loss,
it was gonna be Sloppy Joes.

Talk to me, player.

Hey, buddy.
I gotta stay an extra day.

I'm sorry, I'm not gonna
be able to make the game.

What? No, no, no, no,
no, no. Wait.

Answer me right now.
What is more important,

your relationship
with Dr. Lahiri

or this basketball team
I made you join two days ago?

Dr. C? Damn it!

Okay, well, Dr. C's out,

and without a third person,
we have to forfeit.

Tamra, give me your jockstrap.

Oh, no, no, no.
We can't just quit.

We can find another player.

You better find one, I got a
lot of do-re-mi on this game.

Hey, Dr. P,
you play basketball?

Just a pick-up game
I play with my friends.

Mostly, it's just an excuse
for me to use black slang.

Excuse me, blood!
Dr. P,

this team means a lot to me.

And as an at-risk youth,

this basketball program is
really the only thing I have

keeping me off the streets.

Okay, that sounds like a lie,

but also something that
I will get in trouble

if I say no to, so fine.

Yes, whoo!

- Hey!
- There he is.

Ah!
Dan the Man!

- Ah!
- Come here you!

Rob the Man!

That's what I used to call
him back in med school.

I came up with it, Min.

He did. It's a lot
like Dan the Man.

No, it's different.
Yeah, look at you!

How's everything, okay?
Oh, amazing.

Look, this guy right here,
huh, taught me how to brew.

This guy taught me how to drink.

Not anymore.

One beer and he passes out,

and the only thing that wakes
him up is his bladder.

That's my lovely wife, Barb.

You know, Rob, I think you and
Mindy are really gonna hit it off.

You should hang out.
You know what,

take her to Alcatraz.

Oh, I would love that!
What is that?

It's the world's
most famous marriage.

I mean, prison.

Barbara has
a razor-sharp wit.

I always say, if she just stuck
with her writing, she would...

With what time? With you
working all hours in the lab,

who's gonna take care
of our home?

We have no children.

We have a rabbit.
And that's harder

because it can't tell you
what it wants.

That's okay, I don't need... I
don't need to go to Alcatraz.

You know, Rob, I'm not too happy

with you taking Mindy away
from us for eight months.

I mean, eight months
without this one?

She's the best surgeon
in the practice.

Really? 'Cause she has the
energy of a P.R. Woman

for an alcohol brand.

I hear you. But wait
till you see her technique.

I mean, her stitches?
Mmm. Barely perceptible.

I had no friends
in seventh grade

so I had time to
master the cross-stitch.

I have to check that out.

I don't know what the practice
is gonna do without her.

I don't know what I'm
gonna do without her.

Wow, that is
so self-sacrificing,

that you would let Mindy
move across the country

to pursue her dreams.

Oh, hello.

Hi.

Broccoli and broccolini?
What a restaurant!

You guys ready to eat?

Oh, yeah.

Alright, harder.

Pop it.

Oh!
Damn!

You've been watching
the game tape I sent you.

That was just a VHS copy
of Space Jam.

Good, though. Good stuff.

So, what's up, Morgan? You wanna
maybe grab a bite after this?

Oh, I can't. I'm hanging
out with Jessica.

Hi!
Hi, how are you?

Who are you supposed to be?

I'm Jessica.
I'm his friend with benefits.

When did this happen?
Oh, boy.

Christmas-ish.

When I was on my
Habitat for Humanity trip?

I'm out there hugging
barefoot-ass Appalachian kids,

and meanwhile you're
dating a "Jerrsica?"

Which isn't even a real name!
Give me one second.

Give me one second.
Just... It's cool.

Okay. We broke up like,
a month ago.

You went on, like, a whole
bunch of dates with Pitbull.

You know what, Morgan? I think
I'm off the basketball team.

No, Tamra, we need you...

Great, the one person
who watched Space Jam quit.

Mmm, this cheesecake
is pretty good.

So good.

Really unexpected.

Not that unexpected.
I mean, I ordered it.

Oh, boy!

Do I love the cheesecake here.

- Yeah.
- Really?

You used to hate dessert.

You said dessert was
weakness entering the body.

Yeah.
I like that cheesecake.

Weird.
People change, I guess.

You know, Mindy,

I still have that
procedure tomorrow

and I haven't

picked a fellow
to assist me yet.

Would you be interested?

Oh, my gosh.
I love this.

Yes, Rob, I would love that.

Maybe I underestimated you.

And if Dan vouches for you...

Hey, man. Are you tired?

Yeah, I'm about to be.

I hear that.

This is a big fruit salad.

Are you okay?
You're very sweaty.

I'm fine.

Wow, I'm full.

Whew! That's a damn
good cheesecake.

Oh, damn. I got a little
raspberry on me.

Can I borrow your napkin?

I don't think that's
a good idea, Rob.

You can have mine.
Thank you, Mindy.

Already assisting.

I think they're
kind of a cool couple.

We should hang out
with them again.

Yeah, definitely.
Good night.

Hey, thank you so much
for coming.

The only reason he asked me to do
that surgery is because of you.

I should be thanking you after
that fancy footwork back there.

Huh? What are you
talking about?

I'm talking about me
and your foot

making hot fire
underneath the table.

What?

You cheated on me!

I thought it was your foot!

Oh, come on, Danny.
You know that my talons

would have torn you to shreds!

I just feel bad for Rob.
I mean, he's gonna kill us.

Oh, we're not telling Rob!

What, so he can hate me again?

Danny, this is all your fault.

My fault?
Yeah.

I don't think so.

I rearranged my entire schedule
for the worst dinner of my life

because you begged me
to come back here!

How is it my fault?

I only arranged all of this

because you kept offering to put
in a good word for me, Danny!

Yeah.
Okay? You know why?

Because I think deep down, you don't
think that I can do this by myself.

Yeah, maybe I don't.

And you know what?
I got a feeling

you don't think you could do
it by yourself either, Min.

What are you doing?

Stop packing.

I'm gonna try to catch the
red-eye back to New York.

Thank you, Dr. Reed,
for filling in last minute.

Sorry we ran out of uniforms.

Ooh. My pleasure!
Only thing is,

I've never played
baskets ball before.

I'm sure I'll pick it up.
Who's gonna be goalie?

Who we playing anyway?

Oh, my God.

This is not good.

It's not what you think.

She's who we're worried about.

Dr. Carolyne King.

All right, here we go!

Double screen,
double screen, double screen.

Taking bets, pass 'em down.

Juman attack.

Man, you shoot
like my cousin Sheena,

and she has mad carpal
tunnel from her keyboard!

Ow!

I'm tired, I'm tired.

No, that's not what that means.

Okay, okay.
That's not what that means.

It doesn't mean that. I don't know
the rules! This means time out.

Ooh.

No, no! PETER: Reed, what are you doing?
Dr. Reed!

Travel, travel.
That's travel. Foul!

I had my hands out. You
have to dribble the ball.

I'm very tired.
Here we go.

Foul! Foul!

Foul! Foul!

Hello. I'd like to order
eleven cheeseburgers, please.

Oh! Neepa?

Hey. What are you doing here?

Well, I'm doing research
for a part in a play.

What do you think I'm doing?
I work here.

Okay. What is your
problem with me, man?

I am only ever
extremely nice to you.

You are my problem.

All you spoiled second
generations care about

are sex positions and nail art.

You always try to take the easy
way out and it's not fair.

For some of us
there is no easy way.

You know what? You think I'm
a spoiled second generation?

Well, guess what, honey? Neil's gonna
be an outdoor pool DJ in Vegas!

No!
Oh, yeah.

No. He would never do that.
In Gwalior,

they'd cut off
your hand for that.

All right, this is bad.

Do they have
more points? Yes.

Do they have
more skill? Yeah.

But do they have more heart?

Yes.

And that is why
we're gonna leave right now.

What? We're losing?

I thought the aim was to score
the least points like golf!

You think I care
what the scoreboard say!

It could be 200 and two,

I don't care. Get out
there and kill them.

Yeah, grind them up.
No.

That's what I'm talking about.
We're not quitting.

Dr. P, why you...

Hey, Bobby Knight,
you need to calm down.

This is a fundraiser
for I.B.S.

I think there's a secret reason
why you put this game together

and why you're playing so hard.

'Cause I'm mad Morgan's dating someone
else and I wanna embarrass him.

Okay. I thought it was gonna be a
little more below the surface.

So I made a big...
You have no idea

what this is like, Dr. P.
I'm in love with someone

who works in the same hospital.

And now he's dating
this cool, attractive doctor.

Tamra, that literally
just happened to me.

I don't remember that.

Do you not listen to
anything or pay attention

to anything I do or say?

I guess I don't.

Look, Dr. P, the only reason
I joined this team

was 'cause it was an excuse
to hang out with Morgan

and now he's
not even noticing me,

so I have to crush him.

You wanna be the bigger person.

I'll tell you right now,

you gotta stop making
your ex look like a fool,

it only looks bad on you.

But it looks good on me.

I'm winning and I look hot in these
children's basketball shorts.

Look. You wanna move on,

stop dunking
on your ex-boyfriend.

Mindy!

Hey. Oh, God.

I had a great time last night.

Ah! Barb was in such a good
mood, we almost had sex!

Oh! Hey, um...

I don't want you to
give me special treatment

just because you're friends with
my boyfriend. It's not right.

Mindy, I'm a professional.

I'm not gonna give you
special treatment.

Did you just wink at me?
No.

Okay, damn it.
I have to tell you this.

I didn't want to,
but here it is.

Last night, your wife's foot
had sex with my boyfriend!

Excuse me? She is
stepping out on you.

I did not mean for that to
be a pun, but it sure works.

If the shoe fits. There.

I mean, it's just
a real fertile area.

Oh, God. Oh, God.

It's all right. It's all right.
It's okay.

I don't understand what you're saying
'cause you're... You're weeping so much.

Barbara! Barbara, no!

No, no, no. No. I don't
think that's a good idea.

Barbara! I'm coming, Barb!
I'm so sorry, okay.

All right.
Barbara!

Ah! Dr. Gurgler!

Ow!

Danny said you were
good at this,

or was that a lie too?

You know what? I know you're really
upset about the stuff with your wife,

but that's not my fault.

Oh please. I saw those
pants Danny was wearing.

They were practically
sprayed on!

Well, actually that is my fault.

I secretly take in his pants at the
crotch to accentuate his bulge.

But never mind! Ever since
I started this program,

you've been so mean to me.

I know you think I'm this spoiled
brat with an ass that's all that,

but I'm not. I'm smart!
Hence that cool rhyme!

Hey... And I know I didn't
come from another country,

but I had to
sacrifice a lot too.

Like Neepa or Pramood or Gamorra
or Groot, or Rocket the Raccoon.

I think some of those are
Guardians of the Galaxy.

And some of them
aren't, Rob. All right?

I just wanna work really hard

and be treated
like everybody else.

Okay.

Thank you.

There.

Whoa.

God, those stitches
are gorgeous.

Oh, God, I got the intrafallopian
transfer in 10 minutes.

I can't do it like this.

Wait, can...
Can you do it?

Wow, me?

Imagine, me,
the child of immigrants...

Who are you talking to?

Okay, then, nobody.
I'm so sorry.

Morgan, I'm open.

I gotta score one.

Then do it!

I'm 0 for 47.
Tamra! Block him!

Tamra, you're better than this.
Tamra, no mercy.

Three, two, one.
Take your shot.

I schooled you!

Yeah!

Hey, Tamra, are you hungry?
Yeah. Of course,

I just burnt 100,000
calories crushing it.

Wait, are you asking me out?

No, I joined
"Morgan's Worst Nightmare"

because I thought we
could go pro. Come on.

Okay.

Okay.
After you.

Everyone, stop.
Stop what you're doing,

everyone stop right now. There's
been a terrible accident.

Dr. Gurgler is dead.

What? I don't know why I said that.
I'm nervous.

He's not dead.

But he did ask me to cover
for him for the surgery.

But I don't think
I should do it.

I think Neepa
should do it instead.

Really? I didn't
earn it this week.

You did.
Thank you, Mindy.

Yeah. Okay.

Ow!

Oh, my God!

You sat on me! Yeah, and
I farted on you too!

Damn it, Danny.

Thank God I didn't
unpack my gun,

you'd be dead by now.

Come here.
God!

Look, I was boarding
the plane and I thought

if this thing goes down, I didn't want
our last conversation to be a fight.

But if you don't
want me to stay here,

I can go back
to this place at the Castro,

like, a men's hotel.

They seem really nice.

What? For some reason
they were really like,

"Come in, come in."

Okay, okay. Okay.
You're not staying there.

I do want you to be here.

And what I realized is that

I don't need you to be here.

Taylor, cover your eyes.

Ripped By mstoll