All language subtitles for The Mindy Project (2012) - S03E11 - Christmas (1080p Blu-ray x265 Panda).eng

There's no better feeling
than having found the perfect man.

Which is exactly when
you start to wonder,

"When's this idiot
gonna lock me down?"

Okay, weirdo.

And the hunt for a sign that
he's buying an engagement ring

is on!

Excuse me, Miss?

Yes? Have you seen this man

purchase an engagement ring?

Mmm-mmm.
Damn it.

If it's possible, try to
check his credit card statements.

Damn it.

In the end, you just might
have to get a little creative.

"Forever Stones?"

I'm getting engaged!

Ripped By mstoll

That's it, Gigak.
That's it.

The baby's almost turned.

Just make sure that
your pressure is firm

and consistent like when you're
trying to convince your boyfriend

to do a couples' costume.

- Focus. Focus.
- Doctor Lahiri?

Yeah?
In my office.

Now!

Ooh!
Okay, okay.

Am I in trouble? Is it because
I might have lost

a Press-On nail in that woman?
Because I... No, Lahiri.

I want to talk to you.

Over these past few months
you've proven yourself

to be a very gifted teacher.

I love those little
sons of bitches.

Which is why
I've recommended you

for The MacMillan-Dow Teaching
Fellowship at Stanford.

Me?
You.

Stanford?
Yes.

But, Jean, that's
for the smart kids.

You will go there. You
will learn the latest

infertility techniques
for eight months.

You will return
and teach them here.

Wow, Jean...
You believing in me...

I hope it doesn't go to my head.

So, that's a "yes."

I want to say yes.

I really do, it's just...

I think my boyfriend
is about to propose to me

and I don't want to do anything
that's gonna spook him

before I can sink my fangs
into his little neck.

You know what I'm talking about.

You just let me know.

Lahiri...
Yeah?

Stanford is an
incredible opportunity.

I know. Can you imagine
being tan in February?

Just kidding. But I mean
seriously can you imagine?

Out, Lahiri.
Yeah.

Hey.

"Slumlord Thousandaire,"

I got your rent
check right here.

I didn't even write "for
sex" on the memo line.

Wow. You know I'm not
an easy man to impress,

unless I'm watching
a magic show,

but honestly I'm impressed.

Pete, you're really maturing.

Yeah? Are you impressed enough
to maybe set me up on a date?

You know what, I might have
a girl for you, actually.

It does not have
to be an "A."

It could be a "B" with
"D's." A "D" with "B's."

Okay, shut up before
I change my mind.

Okay. It's my
friend, Jessica.

She's a good girl. She's a beautiful girl.
She's a doctor.

Uh-huh.

There is one
small thing. Small.

Is it a penis?

Because if it is
based on the size

I might be able
to work around it.

You can?
You couldn't?

Look, Jessica
has this condition,

one of those things that Mindy
watches in the reality shows.

Is she, like, a real housewife or a
toddler with a tiara or a river monster?

Because none of those things
seem like deal breakers to me.

I just...
She's a, uh...

She's a hoarder.

Oh. Okay.
Okay, but recovering.

You guys are both
works in progress, so...

It's a little weird.

Can I have her number?

I'd give it to you, but
she's got, like, 10 phones.

It's a whole thing.
She'll find you.

She'll find me? I like that.
Yeah.

Everyone, I'm happy to announce
that Shulman and Associates

is once again hosting
its annual holiday party.

Oh, my God. Just call it
whatever you want to call it.

Christmas party!
Yeah!

However, unlike past years,

this year's party shall
be an elegant affair.

Ooh!
Ooh!

Elegant? Does that mean I
can't wear my mistletoe belt?

Yeah, what
gives, Jeremy?

Christmas isn't about elegance.

It's about a quiet night
when the king was born,

the Prince of Peace.

Shut up, Linus.
I want a party

where I can choke down
my champagne and caviar!

Yeah!

The truth is, Lauren
has it in her head

that I've recently
grown distant.

So, I've invited her neurosurgery
colleagues to join us.

What?
Ugh!

Why would you do that?

Neurosurgery?
Yeah, you know.

First of all, it's definitely
going to be a holiday party now.

Amen, sister.

Excuse me?

A rather Semitic group.

That's not anti-Semitic
to say they're Semitic.

We welcome, Jews.

Second of all, those
stupid neurosurgeons

think they're better
than all of us.

- It's because they are.
- How?

The brain has no nerve endings!

You poke a brain, who cares?

You poke a vagina you're
gonna hear about it!

Right?
Amen, sister.

You know what, bump this.
I'm out.

Fine.
More goose for us!

Hey, everyone, calm down.

Dr. C's under
a lot of stress

because he's my Secret Santa

and he has this pressure
to give me a great gift,

- which he should.
- Oh, Morgan,

Dr. C told me
to give you this.

Merry Christmas.

Batteries?
Oh, for my battery collection.

Why are we doing this now?

I'm actually happy
that Danny's gone

because I'm his Secret Santa and
I don't know what to get him.

Golf balls. No, that's
for white people,

Danny's Italian.

Meatballs.
I'll just eat them.

So you were able to
change the setting, right?

But the stone is
still the first one?

Perfect, that's perfect.
Thank you so much.

Yeah, I can't wait to
show my girlfriend tonight.

All right. Well,
thank you so much.

Mindy! Mindy!

Hey, Jessica!
Congratulations.

I heard you cleared out
your entryway and you found

$5,000 in uncashed
paychecks, very cool.

Yeah, it was hell.

But my therapist says,

"You do not need
12 broken printers,

"and you're not going to give
them to your kids someday."

Can I have the printers?

No. I mean,
what am I saying?

I don't even know
how to print anything.

Hey, Danny is setting
me up on a date

with his friend Peter.

But when I ask if he's cute,

Danny just turns red and says
he can't tell with guys.

Okay, I'm going to picture him
without his personality.

Whoa, Peter might be hot.

Okay, I can't tell.
I'm too close to it,

but he is eating popcorn
on the sofa in the lounge.

Thanks.

Uh, can I have some?

It's mostly just kernels left.

Oh, God, no one
likes the kernels.

I'll throw it out for you.

I'll see you, Doc.
Later, man.

Be good.

Ah! Oh, my... Oh!

It's just kernels,
you don't want any.

I'm Jessica, I...

Sorry, this is kind of weird.

But I think we're
supposed to go on a date.

Whoa!

Yeah, I don't think so.

You're a beautiful angel

and I'm Wreck-lt Ralph.

No, no, no, I'm Danny's friend.

He's setting us up.
Did he not tell you?

What the hell are you talk...

Oh, my God.

You're his Secret Santa gift!

Uh...
This is so much better

than that stupid dance
he gave Dr. L last year.

And the batteries!

He kept it under
10 bucks. I accept.

Mindy, I've been thinking
a lot about the future.

And that's why I wanted
this special dinner tonight.

Mindy Lahiri, I finally
pulled the trigger.

I bought a burial plot!

What?
Forever Stones.

Excuse me?
Yeah, it's Carrara marble.

They changed the setting so
it's looking over Fresh Kills.

Check it out. It's beautiful.
I'm psyched.

Huh. Uh-huh.

Twin burial plots
is kind of romantic.

Oh, no, it's...
It's just for me.

I didn't know how your religion
handles this kind of stuff.

Don't they let the river
just take care of it?

Can I have
a dessert menu, please?

Jean? Jean?
I accept the fellowship!

It's a fellowship.
You need to apply.

Jean, I'm applying
for the fellowship!

Good, it's due
tomorrow by 5:00.

Do you want me to do it
or not, Jean? Come on.

Of course, but it requires

three recommendations
and a personal essay.

What does Danny
think about this?

I haven't told him.

He has a way of talking
me out of things.

If it wasn't for him, I'd be
covered in Simpsons tattoos.

Be strong, Lahiri.

A woman's career and ambitions

don't age well on a shelf.

Put them away
because you want to,

but not because you
think you have to.

You are so wise.

Why you wasting
time in medicine?

You should be a life coach
on The Biggest Loser.

You're home,
help me out with this tree.

Hey, where's my Rihanna
Christmas tree topper?

A Christmas tree is no
place for exposed breasts!

You're lucky I let you
put up that wreath.

Wreath Witherspoon? This is the
nicest thing in your apartment.

Mmm-hmm. Hey, do you have Dr.
Ledreau's phone number?

Yeah, you bet.
Anyone dating my mom,

I'm going to do a full
background check on that guy.

I know what he eats
for breakfast... Eggs.

Why? Why do
you want it?

I am applying for a
fellowship at Stanford.

I want him to write
my recommendation.

I don't want to email
with him because, you know,

emailing with old people
is such a nightmare.

Wait, what'd you say?
Stanford?

That's in California.

It's not even the shallow,
materialistic part you love so much.

Why would you want to
do that? What about us?

Well, Danny, you're the only
reason I considered not applying.

But, you know, we're not
married, we're not engaged,

this is the only
time I could go.

It's a great opportunity for me.

I would invite you but
the boys in the Castro,

they would eat you alive.

Yeah, they would.

It's only eight months. I'll be back in
time to ruin football season for you.

Okay.
Thank you.

Eight months?

She's doing what?

Why would Mindy go to Stanford?

She hates not being
the only Asian in the room.

Yeah, but it's a great
opportunity for her, okay?

And, like, she said
we're not married.

She said that to you?
Yeah.

Mindy doesn't want
to go to Stanford.

I'm sorry, I can't
believe I missed this.

What? Buddy, you're
in a proposal trap.

Stop! Look, Mindy's not going
to move from a blue state

to an even bluer state
just to get me to propose.

We all read her diary.

We know she wants to be
engaged by Christmas.

Oh, man.

I'll have to pawn my
grandmother's wheelchair

to pay for it, but what a date!

This is you. This is
your apartment building.

I had a great time with you tonight.
Yeah.

I kind of want to
invite you upstairs

but I'm really embarrassed
about my apartment.

I live with my
grandmother and 40 dogs.

Come on up.
Yeah!

That's what I'm talking about.

I don't get how
hoarder is a bad thing.

Why would you be
embarrassed by this place?

It's like living
inside of a catalog.

And you have a
mountain of catalogs.

I can't believe after
all the stories I've heard,

I slept with Peter Prentice.

Ah, Danny. Say, I'm working
on this recommendation

for Dr. Lahiri and I'm
wondering if you know

any adjectives
other than "Indian."

I'm stumped.
You know what,

don't waste your energy, Dr.
Ledreau.

I don't think she's
serious about Stanford.

And I'd prefer to
please her, especially

if there's a possibility
of her following

through on any of those threats.

Look, Mindy gets excited
and she jumps into things

for the wrong reasons.

She ran for city council

just to get more trans
fats in her food, so.

I see.

Dan, you're a good man.
Thank you, sir.

Worried about Mindy's wellbeing.

In my day we didn't care
about women's feelings.

Are we better now?
I don't know. Maybe.

Regardless, no recommendation?

I would say don't
write it. It's fine.

Yeah, it's fine.
Got it.

Dr. Reed, are people allowed
to give toasts tonight?

I have some heartfelt
holiday thoughts.

You know what, Beverly,
that would be nice.

I've got some things
to say about Israel.

You brought this upon yourself.
Rats!

Let that be fair
warning to you all.

This is an elegant party!

Riffraff shall not be tolerated!

That said, have fun.

Doc, the girl I'm dating thinks I am
someone else so I couldn't bring her

so I used my plus one
for Cousin Lou.

Whoa. Uh. I'm going
to need a plus eight.

God, I've got to get a doorman.

Together, it's...
It's 10.

Oh, look,
Dr. Ledreau just emailed.

I bet it's my recommendation.

God, I'm going to Palo Alto.

I've never actually been
that close to a billionaire

in person before.

Oh, no, Danny. Do you think
one of them might try to

Fifty Shades of Grey me?

There's one shade of grey.

Grey.

Well, I'm going to
go read the letter.

I'm so excited I'm getting
physically turned on!

Okay.

Oh, come on. A Christmas hug!
Hey! Hey!

Hey! Merry Christmas.
Hey, hey, guys.

Oh, kissing?

Surprise! I hope
it's okay that I'm here.

Hi, I'm Jessica.

Hmm. "Jessica," Jessica?
Mmm-hmm.

Yeah, Jessica. You
need to come with me

because you never told me

how The Hobbit ends.

So the girl Danny picked
for me is dating you,

but thinks you're me? Yes.

And it only took you 20
minutes to understand that.

Please help me.

I'm fighting two urges here.

Date a smart, beautiful woman,

I have earned through
self-improvement.

Or, help a bro
get a girl by lying.

You should know
we slept together.

She's all yours, Peter.
Thank you, Morgan.

Hey, you're missing the party.

We rely on you to
drink the eggnog.

You okay?

Dr. Ledreau didn't write
my recommendation.

Okay.

It's because he thought

other people were
more deserving.

That sucks.

I just. I just wish I
knew what I did wrong.

You didn't really
want to go, did you?

Of course I wanted to go, Danny.

I wanted to go so badly that I
was willing to be away from you.

I was just excited
to show people

what I was capable of,

but it doesn't matter. The deadline's over.
It was stupid.

Stanford will just be another
dead professional dream

like being an astronaut
or an African dictator.

Okay, I need to be cheered up.

Gonna go get some eggnog.

I'm so happy
Danny set me up with Peter.

Peter, I didn't know
you were dating someone.

That's great.
It is great.

It is great.
That I, Peter Prentice,

has found someone.

Yes, yes, you did,
Dr. Prentice.

And I am Dr... 1-2-3-4-5.

What?
Could I, uh...

Maybe speak to the two
of you real quick.

She thinks that I
am Morgan and that Morgan is me,

so we're just going
to play along, okay?

No, no, no, Peter, this is...
Fun.

Fun. It's lots of fun.
Yeah.

Hey!
Hi!

Everyone, good?
Yeah.

Yeah.

Everyone, excuse me?
I have something to say.

Sorry, this will only
take like 45 minutes.

Okay.

Danny, this year I was lucky enough
to have you for Secret Santa.

I may not have a fellowship.

But I do have a "fellow"

with whom
I share the "ship."

Oh, man. I'm just
going to press play.

The year was 1974.

In a tiny Catholic hospital
in Staten Island,

Daniel Alan Castellano
entered the world.

Danny was a wonderful baby.

That's my ma.

He's going to make
some Catholic woman

- a wonderful husband.
- Okay, cut.

Through the years,
Danny overcame such obstacles

as poverty, size-ism
and skank addiction,

to graduate from medical school.

Uh, what do
I say about Dr. C?

He makes me want
to be a better nurse.

I mean imagine that, me...

Oh, boy.
Morgan Tookers,

a great nurse

wanting to be an
even better nurse.

Dr. C?

Well, he's a way
better doctor than me.

What the hell is going on?
Your name is Morgan?

He's also an ex-con
who lives with his grandma.

Damn it!

How did you get out?
I wiggled.

Jess! Jess,
I want to...

What can I say about Danny?

- He's my best friend.
- What?

Meant every word, pal.

I have to go find Jessica.
Uh, excuse me.

Danny and I used
to hate each other,

over time that changed.

But it wasn't until
I went to Haiti

and I got this letter
that I realized how much.

"Mindy,

"I'm still surprised that you
like getting these letters,

"but I'm glad because
I like writing them.

"I wouldn't say I miss you,

"but it hasn't been
the same without you here.

"Fine, I miss you. But don't
let it go to your head.

"Your friend, Dan."

Guess what?
It went to my head.

Over the years Danny
has sent me many letters

appreciating my work,
all very kind.

Some too kind, in a way that
chilled me to the bone.

He wanted me to make
a film about Staten Island.

It was adorable coming
from a little kid

but the letters didn't stop.

By 1998, I was like,
"Get a life, nerd."

But still the letters came.

He hated it.

Uh, I...
I liked it.

I thought we had good
on-screen chemistry,

which makes me think
that we would bang good.

God!

Ma!

What?

I need your engagement ring.

Ma, I didn't know what I was doing
when I tanked her fellowship.

Proposing is the only way
to make things right.

How? No, no.

Danny, you want to make it right

you got to give Mindy
what she really wants.

Aw, no, Ma...
A boob job?

She'll go too big. I'll
never get the shape I want.

No, you gagoots! You got to try
to get her into that fellowship.

Ma, of course.

Get her into the fellowship.

You're right.
She's always right.

Ma, if I could
marry you I would!

You stop being weird! Go! Okay.

Go! Go!

Jessica! I'm sorry!

I didn't mean to deceive you!

Except for the part
about me not understanding

what dogs are saying, I do.

That is true!

Jessica! What are
you doing here?

Uh...

Just chillin'.

Uh, no, I came here to see you.

I didn't know that you
thought I was Peter

until the date was over.

I don't know.
I'm a mess.

I just bought a 50-pound
bag of kitty litter.

I don't even have a cat.

I literally don't have
room in my life

for a boyfriend I can't trust.

Okay, I... I don't want
to be your boyfriend...

Yet. 'Cause I
don't deserve it.

I just want us to start over
from the beginning

just two strangers

deeply in love with each other

and just see where that goes.

Total honesty?

Total honesty.

Total honesty?

I farted.

Why don't we go
with partial honesty?

Okay.

Hey, Lauren!

Hey!
Before you go,

I just wanted to give you this.

I know Henry is
a big fan of trucks,

so I got him a truck.

Thank you so much. Yeah, yeah.
No problem.

Merry Christmas.

Well, technically,
it's, "Happy Hanukkah."

Oh, that's right! I forgot that
you were a fellow soldier...

In the war
on Christmas.

Yeah, you hate
Christmas. I forgot.

Well, Happy New Year.
Happy New Year.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Dr... Dr. Castellano?
What are you doing here?

What's this?

Are all the men from your
church still at the office?

No, this is an all-female
living nativity.

Everybody?
Yeah.

The shepherds?

The little drummer boy?

No men allowed.
You're ruining it.

Aren't you cute?

Why are you even here?

Sorry, look, I got
Mindy's application.

Three recommendations
and I wrote the last one.

Well, that is very unselfish of you Dr.
Castellano.

Are those the three wise women?

Yes. Okay, I got to
get out of here.

This is basically witchcraft.

What is wrong with you?

Oh, ah, oh, what is this?

It's very hot. Let's
get down to business.

How much am I getting
paid for this?

You will be
paid nothing, Morgan.

Don't stop it.
I loved it.

Yeah? You loved it so much
that you left the party early?

I left the party early

to get this.

"Dear Officers of
the Admissions Committee.

"Doctors are competitive.
Doctors are selfish..."

Doctors tend
to think of compassion

as a liability not an asset,

which is what makes
Dr. Mindy Lahiri

so truly exceptional
among her peers.

Her passion to help
is a constant reminder

of why we all first wanted
to practice medicine.

Of all her skills,
her most impressive

is her single-minded devotion
to those in her care.

Her only flaw that
I can think of,

is that sometimes
she doesn't realize

what a great doctor
she really is.

What does it say?

I got in.
You got in?

You got in!
You got in.

Oh!

"Sincerely,
Dr. Dan Castellano."

Merry Christmas, baby.

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