All language subtitles for The Mindy Project (2012) - S03E04 - I Slipped (1080p Blu-ray x265 Panda).eng

It's pretty amazing that in
the most romantic city in the world,

I just happen to have found the most
romantic boyfriend in the world.

And every date
is full of surprises!

Damn it! How can something
as disgusting as an apple

make something
as delicious as apple pie?

Mindy, I have something
really important to ask you.

Oh, my God. It's happening.

Would you like some more apple pie?

That's even better than what I
thought you were gonna ask!

Come here. Mmm...
Yeah. I knew you'd like it.

Hey.
Hey.

Oh, my God.
Danny. I love it.

Yeah?
Mmm.

Did you also happen to
remember my nose hair trimmer?

I love you.
I love you.

I'll be out in 20.
Okay.

But, perhaps most surprising, not
all surprises are equally romantic.

- Oh.
- Oh.

Oh, my God, Danny,
this is heaven!

Wait, Danny. Danny! That doesn't go there.
Oh, my God. Danny!

I slipped.

Ripped By mstoll

Why is it so hard to believe me?

Because slipping is like,
"Whoa-whoa-whoa, what happened?"

Not, "Whoa-whoa-whoa...
Oh, yeah!"

Okay. You're twisting my sounds.
Besides, you weren't where I was.

Okay? You didn't see
how it all went down.

Danny, this is not Benghazi!
Well, sure feels like it!

I never thought I'd sympathize
with Hillary about anything.

Who is Hillary? Sometimes I feel like
you're just making these people up!

Okay. So you're innocent?
You had no intent?

Of course no intent!

I'm Catholic!
Even if I think about that...

They promote you to cardinal.
Hey! Hey!

That is all over. It's over.
Pope Frank is on the case. He...

Morgan, uh... We're just in the
middle of a conversation right now.

Okay, then these cobwebs
can just clean themselves.

Get out of here. We're having
a private conversation.

Thank you. Thank you. Can we please just
go talk about this in your office? Please?

I don't know, Danny. Because my
office only has one entrance.

And I don't think that's
enough for you anymore.

What?

I was just walking to the
subway and this scout was like,

"Girl, you should model." And I'm
like, "I already have a job."

That's so weird, the same
thing happened to me.

Hey, what are you
guys talking about?

Dr. Reed, if you think you're about to
sit over here and eat breakfast with us,

and share our weekend stories,
you got another think coming.

You're not still mad at me
for dating Lauren, are you?

You mean stealing
Lauren? Sorry,

I'm hash tag Team Peter. Uh-huh. The
whole office is hash tag Team Peter.

And we got merch,
we got a website,

we have a mascot. It's... I'm glad to
see hash tag Team Peter is assembled.

Oh, God.
I am furious.

Last night I graduated from nurse
practitioner school, none of you came.

It was sad as hell.

Morgan bought an extra wheel
of brie just for you, Dr. L!

Oh, that's so nice.
It really set me back.

Can I still have it?
All that's left is the crust.

Put it in my office.
Morgan, I'm sorry I didn't go.

It's just that Danny and I
had a date last night.

You've changed. You always promised
me you'd never be one of those girls

who ditches their best friend the
minute they get a boyfriend.

I would never promise that.

All I've wanted in my life is to abandon
all my friends for a boyfriend.

Calm down, sorry. Morgan? I'm
sorry that I could not attend.

But in my defense, I thought
that he was gonna be there.

Well, I didn't come 'cause I
thought he was gonna be there.

Me too.
That's my excuse too.

I'm really caught up
in their beef.

You just said it was 'cause
of your boyfriend.

No, it's... It's because of their
emotional issues that I didn't go.

I felt uncomfortable. Great, and
now the whole office hates me.

I'm sorry, I can't hear you.

I think it's because my heart has
been ripped out through my ears

and there is blood spurting
all over innocent Tamra.

That's not even scientifically
sound and you know it!

Do you know what?
It's fine, be Team Peter.

I don't need friends. I spent all
of form three locked in a cupboard.

Excuse me.

Peter, you know a lot about
skeevy guy stuff, right?

I do follow the Internet chat rooms
until the government shuts them down.

Perfect, you're my most
perverted friend.

Be honest with me. Have you
ever been with a girl in bed...

And then...
Accidentally slipped?

No. Danny's lying. What? Danny?
I'm not talking about Danny.

No man in the history of time
has ever been in bed

and quote, unquote,
slipped and not been lying.

How do you know that? What's the most
valuable thing in the world to you?

The thing that you treasure
above all else?

My signed photo of Kris Jenner.

Do you ever not know exactly where
that is or exactly what it's doing?

No, that thing's locked
behind a plate glass in my...

That son of a...

Hey, Danny.
Hey.

Hey. Wow.

Is that smile I see?

I thought I saw
the last of those!

Well, I've been
thinking about it.

And I really want
to believe you.

Then believe me,
just believe me.

I believe you all the time.
I believe that you floss.

I believe that your gym is
closed for a multi-year remodel.

That's sweet.
Yeah.

You're sweet.
Thanks.

Which is why I will believe you.
Great.

If you swear to God
that it was an accident.

Ah... Let's leave God
out of this.

He doesn't know about us. I
told him you were my assistant.

Okay, I'm gonna level with you.

Yeah, level away, pervert.

Okay, here goes.

My eyes have gotten bad.

Really bad.
And in the dark, I...

I can't see anything. It's just a big...
A big jumble of parts.

Danny, why didn't you
just tell me?

Well, because you're always giving me
a hard time about being old and...

If you go blind,
I'm gonna get so fat.

It's not a big deal. Let's just
forget about it and move past it.

If I don't see ever again,
I don't see.

Oh, my sweet Danny.

We're gonna go to
the ophthalmologist.

We're gonna go see
Colin right now.

Now?

Fantastic news, Danny.
You are not going blind.

Your eyes are fine.

Colin, as a doctor, I am gonna have
to tell you that you are wrong.

And as an eye doctor,
I have to tell you I am right.

Okay, okay, don't phone this in, man.
Come on, let's... Let's do it again.

Danny, Mindy, I am so glad I stepped
away from my son's second birthday

to wade into what is clearly
a relationship issue.

I'm gonna go.

Colin! Colin, I'm so sorry.
Sorry, Colin.

Did you know that it was
Caleb's second birthday?

Do you think I wanna
hurt Caleb? I love Caleb.

Okay, fine. You know what? You're right.
I did it on purpose. I did.

I knew it, you stupid sneak!

Hey, stop! Stop! I assumed
you'd done it before, okay?

What?
Yeah.

You're always bragging about how
you're so crazy in the sack.

I just assumed you'd done it before
with your long list of companions.

Is that what you think of me?

That I'm just some like,
gorgeous, high-class prostitute?

Look, I've seen your
cable bill, all right?

You're not pay-per-viewing
boxing matches!

I am sorry, that is
anime pornography.

Which is a victimless crime.

The only victims are the animators,
they pay them next to nothing in Korea.

What?
Doesn't matter.

I will not be slut shamed in an
ophthalmologist's office. I'm gonna leave.

What are you doing? I don't
want you to get any ideas!

Oh, that's
ridiculous. Mindy!

Oh, cookie dough.
Please solve my problems.

Oh, Mindy. Stress
eating cookie dough?

Was I right about Danny?
Yes.

And the worst part is, Peter,

he thought it was something
I had done thousands of times,

like jaywalking
or lying under oath.

Is that what he thinks of me?

Well, I mean, all of your shorts do
say "porn star" across the back.

But that's the problem. Look, I
know that I talk this big talk.

But really I'm a prude.

A prude that slays
dudes like whoa!

But still...
Mmm-hmm.

Danny's so sexually experienced.
He's been with a ton of women.

And I'm worried
I'm boring in bed.

Is that a big problem? No, stop it.
Not at all.

It's a huge problem.

I once broke up
with the girl of my dreams

because my waterbed
made her seasick.

I would break up with you
for having a waterbed!

Look, Danny loves you, okay?

He just expects you
to know everything because...

You're old.
Hot as hell.

Well, there's plenty of other stuff
you could do that I've seen online.

Awful, nasty, depraved stuff...

I could teach you.

If I wanted to have a hands-on sexual
education, I'd go back to computer camp!

I meant I could talk you through it.
Dispense my knowledge.

I will warn you though, my
course is graded on a curve.

Man, that was so cool. Yeah.

Hello
darkness, my old friend

I've come to talk with you again

Again, again, again

Oh, a person.
Like in the picture.

I'm actually just waiting
for everybody to leave.

I didn't want to run into Peter
in the elevator and start a row.

Yeah. Now, it's just me and
The Great American Songbook.

Way down upon the

Hush, hush, hush, stop, stop.

Swanee River, love

Dr. Reed, would you like to get something
to eat with me tomorrow night?

You would have dinner with me?

Even though I'm
the office pariah?

Nothing would make me happier.
Oh, I know this great place.

The waitresses wear hockey
jerseys and no pants.

That's so lovely, Morgan,
I'll pick the place.

But I really appreciate
you inviting me.

And now that I'm a nurse
practitioner, it's also my treat.

Oh.

Just have to, uh, stop
at the pawn shop on the way.

I'll pay.

Welcome to Peter Prentice's
banging in bed booty camp.

For tonight's demonstration, I
will be playing the part of Danny,

and the part of Mindy
will be played by...

If you say CeeLo Green,
I will kill you.

Brian the Skeleton.
Oh, I get it.

'Cause I'm so skinny,
I'm like a skeleton?

Yeah.

So, we'll start with the basics.

Just a little,
"Have you ever."

Ooh.

Something like this, hmm?
Of course.

Have you done this?
No.

No.

No.

How is it even
sexual? Okay.

Yeah?
No.

I call this, "The Necktie."

Okay...

Let it drop,
and then it's an ascot.

Oh, my God. What is that?
It's called, "The Bagpipe."

Hmm...

Don't get scared, the hip
is supposed to pop out.

Stop, stop, stop! I'm just gonna do the
other thing that Danny wants to do.

If that's what you want and you think
is empowering for feminist reasons...

I'm gonna do it. Because
Danny is an amazing boyfriend

and I don't wanna lose him. So what
if he wants to go to fifth base.

Maybe I'll love it.
No, you won't.

Hey, buddy.
Yo.

Cool glasses.
Oh, thank you.

I got 'em at the Salvation Army.
Oh.

About to throw 'em out.
I said, "I'll take those."

So, I got you a little
something something

for graduating and becoming
a nurse practitioner.

The photo of you and your
dad you keep on your desk?

Hmm.
That's exactly what I wanted.

Thank you.
Yeah.

Look at those two
little rascals staring at me.

Hey, I am so sorry that I
missed your graduation party.

It was a great party.
I had three large pizzas.

Went down to the dock, no one showed up.
The seagulls were happy.

I think I just got wrapped up
with my boyfriend

and I forgot the relationship
that's most important.

That of a casual
work acquaintance.

Ah! Water under
the bridge.

Tell me everything.
Oh.

What have you been doing?
Who have you been doing?

Um. My boyfriend, that I mentioned.
Duh, my best friend.

You know I've always wanted to know,
now that you're a nurse practitioner.

You can prescribe medicine, right?
Oh, yeah.

Now I'm just another
drug dealer for Uncle Sam.

Whatever happened to preventative
medicine, am I right?

That's a great observation.
Thank you.

I have a lot of them, but I don't even
have a pen to write them down, so...

Hey, I need you
to prescribe me something.

I'm about to do something
that I cannot be awake for

but I also legally
can't be asleep for.

So you're using me?

I gotta tell you, I expected
more from my dogs' godmother.

Morgan, come on, help me.
Okay? Ow.

If you knew what I was about to
go through, you would understand.

You know I can't
prescribe it for myself.

Okay. Fine.

I'll write you a prescription
for a very strong sedative.

I take it whenever I have
to do something scary.

Like watch a scary movie
or if I hear a scary story.

Or, you know,
et-kuh, et-kuh, et-kuh.

Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera?

You can say it both ways.
All right.

Hey. What ya watching?

The History Channel is counting
down Hitler's Twenty Wackiest...

Whoa!

Why aren't you wearing
your grandma's bathrobe?

I love Nana's bathrobe,

but, uh...

I thought you would probably
like this a little bit better.

And you're such a good boyfriend,
that I thought tonight

we could do things
the way you like.

Scotch?
Yeah, little scotch.

Okay.

You okay?
Mmm... Yuck.

You know what goes
really well with scotch?

Why don't we put on
some the blues?

Blues?
Mmm-hmm.

Okay. Sure, I'll put on blues.
You always complain

you don't relate
to their ethnic struggles.

I think you've probably gotten
me confused with someone else,

because I have gone on record
saying how much I love the blues.

My woman has gone and left me

I love that kind of stuff. Just like
real complainy, like... It's good.

I like it better
than Taylor Swift.

Ah, my ears!

What?
Are... Loving it.

Okay, what's going on? What?

What? I love scotch and I love the blues.
No, you don't.

You don't, what are you doing?

Wait, is this because of what
I said in the eye doctor?

Look, I don't think you're one of
these sexually freaky-deaky people.

I don't think you are, okay? The other
night, yes, I got carried away.

The Giants won.
I used my pizza stone.

You were wearing
those sexy stockings.

My compression socks. The point is,
we don't have to do that stuff.

Is it because you've
done it with so many girls

and now it's boring to you and you
wanna do something even weirder?

I will not
let you pee on me. No.

That's not what
I'm saying at all.

What I'm saying is when
I'm with you, it's enough.

Cool. That's nice.

You know, we don't need all those, for
lack of a better word, fireworks.

I mean, we are very, very, very,
very comfortable together.

Like an old shoe.
I'm an old shoe?

Yeah, like what nurses wear.
Like what Beverly would wear.

All right, I gotta get this
nighttime routine going.

These chompers aren't
gonna water-pick themselves.

Oh, Morgan.
I'm so desperately lonely.

Sometimes I wonder if I've paid
too high a price for love.

Well, I know
something about that.

I mean, Tamra and I can't walk
through Harlem together.

'Cause we're in a limo! What?

I'm out of money.
Oh.

What the hell is he doing here?

Let me explain.
Let me explain.

I invited both of you
here because I want...

Are you trying to Parent Trap us?
Are you the Lindsay Lohans?

I said let me explain.

But that's exactly right.
That's... Oh, my God.

I would have explained it.
Okay, please, enough fighting.

Everyone's sick of it.
Sit down.

Sit down, the three of us
are gonna be at this table.

Crack open a nice old
bottle of red ketchup

and we're gonna dump it
on our fries

and we're gonna chow down.
And we're gonna eat.

And we're gonna get
to the bottom of this.

Now, I'm gonna mediate

and I'm not gonna leave until...

Excuse me.

Dr. L's texting me.

Dr. Prentice, Dr. Reed,
you're on your own.

Oh, my God. I...

Exclaim. Exclaim.
Exclaim. Exclaim.

I've actually written you
an apology poem.

It's called Master and a Prentice.
Would you like to hear it?

I would love to...

Take that poem
and shove it down your throat

and then give you the finger
through your belly button.

That's it!

You know what, I didn't steal
Lauren. Right? She left you.

You know why? Because you're over
30, yet you have four roommates

two pair of underpants
and no toothbrush.

You were the one that got her
thinking those things were bad!

Well, your face is bad!

Oh.
Oh, my face!

Morgan, he's on fire.
My beautiful face.

Oh, my God!

Danny, I agreed to go on
vacation with Morgan, okay?

Why don't you cool it
on the drinks, all right?

You're being real funny tonight.

Yeah, I feel hilarious.

Come here. Come here.
I'm gonna make you laugh.

I'm gonna make you
laugh all night.

Hold on a second,
I'm still working my ears.

Wow. It's gonna be
a two-swabber.

Huh?
Huh?

What?

Oh, boy.

Okay.

Danny? Danny? Danny, something
really weird is happening.

Danny. Danny!
What's going on?

Nothing, I just
missed you a lot.

Hey. And I'm feeling
super horny.

You okay?

Oh.
Mindy.

Min?

Whoa!
Oh, my God. Mindy.

I'm Detective
Olivia Prendergast.

Ma'am, we have reason to believe
that you were roofied with intent.

By this man.

Wait a minute. I thought you
were from hospital billing.

Okay. No. No, no, no.
He is my boyfriend.

It's always the ones you trust.

No, no! He did not roofy me.
I roofied myself.

What? Why would you do that?

Are you sure? You wanna take a minute?
'Cause I think it was this guy.

No, I'm sorry. He's innocent.

You make me sick.

It's scum like you that make
me drink myself to sleep.

What are you talking about?
It wasn't so bad.

What's going on here?

Okay, wait.

Now I'm gonna be in the police blotter.
That's your thing!

I'm so sorry, Danny.
What happened?

No, no, no, no

Oh, my God.

Whoa, whoa, Danny. Your sex
put her in the hospital?

What are you packing, baby?

Wait a minute,
you told Pete this?

I told him, because I was very
stressed out about our situation,

he offered to help...

What happened to your eyebrows?
Ask Jeremy.

It wasn't enough he
took Lauren from me,

he had to take the only straight
hairs on my body as well.

You got plenty on your back, you...
Those are straight!

Those are straight,
the ones on my back are curled.

Okay, okay.
All right, all right.

You guys are
being crazy dramatic.

And this is coming from
the most dramatic person here.

Remember when I almost
jumped off that low bridge

because I didn't agree with
that American Idol result.

Clay, huh? This feud is lame
and it's unprofessional.

Yeah, you guys aren't even
famous enough to be in a feud.

You're just two basics
having a bitch fest.

Yes.
Okay, come on, guys.

Let's do it. Bury the hatchet.
Come on.

What do you say, Peter? Should
we forge a detente de guerre?

At work we will not fight, but outside
of work we'll fight constantly.

And will you please say one
sentence like a human being?

Indubitably. Damn it.

I look like Skeletor.

What's going on? Babe,
please let me explain.

Babe, just let me explain
the details of our vacation,

which is gonna be amazing...

Hey, I bought a soda
and two came out.

Were you not gonna get me one?
Yeah, no, I was.

Mindy, why do you think you're not
sexually advanced enough for me?

Because you called me
an "old shoe"

and you're basically like

James Caan at
the Playboy Mansion!

Okay, that's it. No more lies. You
want the truth about the other night?

Have I given you the impression that I
don't? Okay, here's the real truth.

It didn't mean anything.

And I don't want you to be anything.
I just tried something. All right?

That's it.

Because America
was built on trying things.

Okay. No, no, no. This is good.

When the pioneers went out
West on the wagon train,

they didn't know what they were gonna find.
Bears? Scorpions?

But they just tried it out
and you know what they found?

Weed.
No, not weed.

Gold, the Grand Canyon.
I mean, California, no thanks,

but the San Diego Zoo's nice.
In America, you just go for it.

You just... You just go for it. And
yeah, sometimes you pay the price.

But other times...
Other times, jackpot.

Okay, I don't understand this.
How this is the real truth?

Because it is. Sometimes a guy
just has to try something.

Well, why didn't you
tell me this before?

Because I'd never
done it before.

Neither have I.
You haven't?

No.
Oh, well...

That's good.

See that, Big Guy?
We can work with that.

Okay, you don't have
to clear me with God.

I'm fine. God's obsessed with me.
Hey, take it easy.

She's taken.
I'm just kidding.

So, are we good?
We are.

Just, if you wanna try something
freaky, just run it by me first?

Yes, I promise.

Did you ever have
sex in a hospital bed?

Danny, someone could walk in!

I should have just started
kissing you. Asking sucks.

Damn it, you're right.
Yeah.

No, no.
Okay.

The moment's...
Yeah, it's ruined.

Let's drink our sodas
and watch Colbert.

Okay.
Okay.

Morgan, Peter and I have
been doing some thinking...

You're gonna share Lauren?
Weekdays, weekends.

This is a good plan.
No. God, no.

No, no. We just came here to
say in the midst of our feud,

we did neglect to give you
proper due for your new degree.

Well, we got you something.
It's from the heart.

It's the most beautiful
thing I've ever seen.

Do you have, like,
a gift receipt?

Gift receipt?
I mean, you're... It's...

Your name's on it.
It's monogrammed.

You know it's Tookers
with an "S."

We gave it a shot,
it's the thought that counts.

- I will wear it with pride.
- Good.

Awesome. At home...
Guys, I love it.

I love it.

Ooh, our first
freaky consensual adventure.

Yeah.

Argh! Ow!
You bit my tongue!

I'm so sorry, the whipped cream
just tasted so delicious.

Ow, Mindy! God! Ow!

God! Mindy, get off my hand! No.

Are you kidding me? Ow! Mindy, let go.
Let go of my hand!

Ow! Danny, it just
tastes so good.

Ow. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

What's wrong with you?
We just ate!

Ripped By mstoll