All language subtitles for South Park S27E01 Sermon on the Mount 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DD 5 1 H 264-playWEB

I'm going down south, I'm gonna have
myself time.

Friendly faces everywhere, humble folks
without temptation.

Going down south, I'm gonna leave my
woes to hide.

And we're parking day or night, people
spouting hot endeavors.

And on up south, I'm gonna see if I
can't unwind.

Come on down south out there and meet
some friends of mine.

Alexa,

put on 90 .1.

Got it. Now playing radio station 90 .1
FM.

Mom, something's wrong with my favorite
show. It's just, like, static.

Your favorite show?

Yeah, NPR, National Public Radio, where
all the liberals bitch and whine about

stuff. Something's wrong with it.

Oh, sweetie, the president canceled NPR.

What do you mean the president canceled
NPR?

That was, like, the funniest shit ever.

I don't know what to tell you, hon.

Oh, my God.

You guys!

You guys are not going to believe this!

The president of the United States
canceled NPR.

What's NPR?

What's NPR?

The funniest show ever where all the
lesbians and Jews complain about stuff?

The fucking president had it taken off
the air.

I mean, who the hell does this president
think he is? The government can't

cancel the show. I mean, what show are
they going to cancel next?

It was seriously the best show. It had,
like, gay rappers from Mexico all sad

because girls in Pakistan got stoned to
death. And guess why they got stoned to

death? Because they were raped. It was
hilarious. Why would anyone cancel that?

I don't know about you, but I'm worried
about what this country's coming to. It

seems like everybody's changing and
suddenly woke stuff is off limits. I

it's like now everyone rips on the Jews
and it's totally fine, huh, Cal?

See? What's wrong with Cal?

Everybody's giving up.

Attention, students.

There will be a mandatory assembly this
morning.

All students report to the gym, okay?

Oh, boy. PC Principal.

He's not giving up.

All right, everyone, listen up.

Everybody, quiet!

There's some bullcrap going on in this
country, and I'm not going to let it

corrupt the environment at this school.

Oh, here we go.

Now, I don't know about you, but I'm
sick and tired of the way people are

treated and mocked for being
compassionate.

It is out of control.

There's only one thing that can bring
some normality back to these corrupt

times, and that is our Lord and Savior,
Jesus Christ.

What? This school has traded truth for
comfort and worships idols of self and

sin. We were a nation under God, but now
we spit in his face and wonder why

everything's falling apart.

There's only one way back.

Repent, bow to Christ, or be swept away
with the rest of the godless lies.

What the hell, dude?

In order to turn things around, I'm
going to be a power Christian principal.

You can call me PC Principal.

So now, I'd like you all to put your
hands together in welcoming Christ our

Lord.

Hello, my children.

I am the light and the way.

Fellas, what the fuck is going on?

Yay, it is wonderful to be here.

For where two or three gather in my
name, there am I with them.

That's right.

That's right. Let's go, Jesus. Fuck
yeah.

Oh, how was your day, guys? Anything fun
happen at school?

No, not really.

Uh, Jesus showed up.

Jesus?

Yeah.

What's Jesus doing in your school?

I don't know.

I don't think Jesus is allowed to be in
schools.

Yeah, well, he was there.

Well, I think I'm going to have to talk
to somebody about this.

Hey, uh, how's it going? Um, is Jesus
supposed to be allowed in schools?

Generally, the idea is that public
schools have to maintain a separation of

church and state so they can't promote
any one religion.

Yeah, that's what I thought. The
government can't force a religion on my

Public schools can teach about religions
in a neutral educational way, but they

can't endorse any particular one.

Was it a lesson on all world religions?

Uh, no. My son said that Jesus was
literally at his school.

Then you're probably right to be
concerned. It's good you're looking out

your son's education.

Thanks. It's really nice to have someone
to talk to about all this.

No worries. Let me know if there's any
other way I can help. I'm always here.

You're so awesome. Thanks.

Good night, honey.

Have a great sleep, and I'm sure you'll
do more amazing things tomorrow.

Butters!

Butters, get over here!

What did I tell you, man? This shit is
whack!

P .T. Principal?

If he's changed, then there's no hope!

I think I know what's happening.

I think Woke is dead.

Woke is dead?

It's dead, Butters. It's gone.

You can just stay retarded now. Nobody
cares.

Everyone hates the Jews.

Everyone's fine with using gay slurs.

Oh, well, that's not good.

No, it's terrible.

Because now I don't know what I'm
supposed to do.

Eric?

Our protest today is the government
pushes harder for Christianity in our

nation's schools.

The president stated earlier today that
the spirit of Jesus is important to our

country. And he will sue anyone who
doesn't agree with him. What the hell is

this president doing? He doesn't even
act like a Christian. Why is he pushing

on our kids?

I told you this was all going to be bad.
But a lot of you here voted for him.

Yeah, I voted for him, but all I've seen
him do is arrest and sue people. I

voted for him to get rid of all the woke
stuff.

But now that retarded faggot is just
putting money in his own pockets.

Are we just going to sit here and let
him break every rule of freedom?

Well, come on, let's go get that son of
a bitch.

You piece of shit! We're unelecting you!

Excuse me, do you mind?

What the hell do you think you're doing,
Garrison?

I'm not doing anything.

Oh, so you haven't been looting the
country and ruling by fear like some

Eastern tin pot dictator?

No, I've been sitting here watching
White Lotus with Rick.

But you got re -elected. He hasn't been
back to Washington in years.

He gave all that up. He's been really
good.

But if he's here, then who's the
retarded faggot in the White House?

Uh -huh.

Yeah.

Mr. President, sir, the Prime Minister
of Canada is here to see you.

Mr. President, why are you placing these
new tariffs on Canada? What are you,

some kind of dictator from the Middle
East?

A dictator from the Middle East? Hey,
relax, guy. I'm just your average joe.

Take a rest.

The people of Canada will not be
devalued like this.

Hey, come on. You don't want me to bomb
you like I did Iraq.

I thought you just bombed Iran.

Iran, Iraq, what the hell's the
difference? Relax, guy.

Hey, what the fuck is this, better?

This is the painting you asked for, sir.

Why is my dick so small?

But that's the size it is in the photo.

Get this guy out of here.

I'm going to sue you. I'm going to sue
both of you.

Nobody makes fun of me and gets away
with it.

I don't want to right now.

What? Hey, relax.

Come on, Satan. I've been working hard
all day.

You haven't been working. You've been
doing your stupid memes and just fucking

around. Come on,

Satan. You know you can't resist this.

I can't even see anything. It's so
small.

Hey, I'll fucking sue you.

God, fuck you.

Come on, Satan. Don't be like that.

Come on, Eric. You can't keep doing this
to yourself.

I used to laugh, Butters.

I used to have fun.

But now they've taken that away.

I'm not special anymore.

So what's the point in me even existing?

Eric, what are you saying?

I'm saying that it's the end, Butters.

I'm going to kill myself.

And you.

Wait, me?

It's a suicide pact, Butters.

It's just best we end it now.

No, Eric, listen to me.

Woke isn't dead.

It's still out there somewhere, just
waiting to come back.

It's not coming back. It's waiting to
come back.

It's like a little tiny light that's
going to shine again. You just got to

it some time.

I hope you're right, Butters. But if it
doesn't come back by, like, Tuesday, I'm

killing us both.

Mr. Marsh.

I've called you into my office because I
understand that you have a problem with

Jesus in our schools.

I don't have a problem with it. I mean,
I think it's kind of weird.

Mr. Mackey says you were bullying Jesus
and wouldn't let him sit at your table

in the cafeteria.

What? I didn't bully him.

Craig told him our table was full, which
it was.

Mr. Marsh, Christ died for your sins and
he loves us all. There's only one

truth, one cross, and one savior.

And you will find him in your heart.

PC principal?

Power Christian principal, yes.

What happened?

What happened with what?

Well, you used to be, like, super woke,
and then starting last November, you

started acting weird, and now you're
super Christian.

I just realized that the side I was on
was hopeless.

And in times of hopelessness, one finds
Christ. Come to him, all who are heavy

laden, and he shall give you rest.

Dude, what's going on? Like, none of
this seems normal.

That's the kind of attitude we are not
going to tolerate at this school.

And Mr. Marsh, if you don't accept
Christ, then I'm going to have to expel

Okay, I'm pretty sure you can't do that.
Like, I think that's illegal.

No, Mr. Marsh, it's not illegal anymore.

This is 2025, okay?

And not much is illegal.

I accept Christ into my heart.

And into your school.

And in my school.

And at your table in the cafeteria.

There wasn't any room at my table. And
at my table in the cafeteria.

Yeah.

Mr.

President, a lot of your supporters are
starting to turn against you.

Hey, tell them to take a rest.

Sir, can you please talk to them?
They're really riled up.

All right, give me that.

Hey, relax, Scott.

Yeah, hi. What do you think you're
doing?

Our children are being told that they
have to sit with Jesus at lunchtime?

Listen, buddy, you just need to relax.

All this protesting makes me look bad.
Just take a rest.

Well, no, we're not going to give it a
rest.

All the people here in South Park want
some goddamn answers.

All right, then I'm going to sue your
whole town.

You got that? Five billion dollars.

What'd he say?

He said he's suing us for five billion
dollars.

Fucking stupid idiots.

Think they can mess with me, huh?

I'm not in the mood right now.

Another random bitch commented on my
Instagram that you're on the Epstein

The Epstein list?

Are we still talking about that?

Well, are you on the list or not? It's
weird that whenever it comes up, you

tell everyone to relax.

I'm not telling everyone to relax.

Relax, huh?

No, I need counseling.

You remind me more and more of this
other guy I used to date. Like, a lot.

you guys are exactly alike.

I love you.

I'm out.

Oh, no!

Butters, honey, your little friend
Cartman is here. He said it's Tuesday

guys have plans.

Eric? Oh, no. Well, can you tell him I'm
not home?

Butters, don't be antisocial. Go play
with your friend. He's out in the garage

playing in our car with a hose.

Hey, Butters, come on in.

Eric, no. Get out of there.

That side's locked, Butters. You gotta
get on the other side.

Eric, you don't have to do this. Close
the door, Butters. You can't get up like

this. You're letting all the fumes out.
Shut the fucking door. Okay, fine.

You can't just give up like everyone
else has.

Butters, it's over.

You really want to sit around for weeks
waiting for a slow demise?

Well, no. Well, neither do I. It's
taking too long.

Here you go, Butters.

Buckle up. We're in for the last ride.

Second Inviters, we're heading for that
big, woke kingdom in the sky.

Oh, hell no.

This is 60 Minutes. Oh, boy. Oh, shit.

Oh, God.

The small town of South Park, Colorado
is protesting against the president.

The townspeople claim that the
president, who is a great man. A great

guy. We know he's probably watching. And
we are just reporting on this town in

Colorado that's being sued by the
president and they are fighting back.

And just to be clear, we don't agree
with him. No, no, no, no. We think these

protesters are total retards. But our
own Jim Connor has more.

Ah.

Oh, God. Ah.

Tom, I'm here with the townspeople
speaking out against the president.

It all started when a father got upset
that Jesus was being forced on his son

school. Young Stan Marsh is questioning
the president's policies. I don't know.

You know, I don't know why he's
questioning the president. He's probably

faggot or something.

But the townspeople say they owe the
president nothing.

We aren't going to be told what to do by
anyone.

We all know the woke stuff went too far,
but the answer isn't going too far the

other way. It's not a bad thing to have
a little compassion for people. It's not

a bad thing to care a little for the
environment.

The Stotch family is proud to say that
we own an electric car.

Boy,

this sure is taking a long time.

Yeah, the human body does everything it
can in the final stages to try and cling

to life.

Shouldn't be much longer now.

Things are really heating up in the
small town of South Park. More and more

citizens are uniting in solidarity
against what they call the president's

oppression.

The townspeople are saying things are
never hopeless, that they must all stand

strong for what they believe in. We're
in this for the long haul, guys.

This is about what's right, and we will
fight even if we have to do it alone.

Wait! We don't have to do it alone!

Look!

It's Jesus!

Let us break bread!

Break bread with me!

This is my body, given for you.

Do this in remembrance of me.

Now just eat the bread and listen.

I didn't want to come back and be in the
school, but I had to because it was

part of a lawsuit and the agreement with
Paramount.

The president's suing you?

The car can do whatever he wants now
that someone's there. You're in, okay?

the bread. Eat the bread.

You guys saw what happened to CBS?

Yeah, well, guess who owns CBS?

Paramount. You really want to end up the
cool girl?

You guys got to stop being stupid.

We can't understand you.

Just shut up or we're going to get
canceled, you idiots.

What the hell is that?

Tom, they're calling it the Sermon on
the Mount. Hundreds of South Park

are flocking to the area where Jesus
Christ continues to speak his words of

wisdom. If someone has the power of the
presidency and also has the power to sue

and take bribes, then he can do anything
to anyone.

It's the fucking president, dude!

All of you shut the fuck up or South
Park is over!

It's fucking over! Just stop and shut
the fuck up!

Yes, sir.

Oh, okay.

Absolutely.

Yes, thank you, Mr. President.

We'll be happy to pay that, sir.

Yes, sir. I will relax and I'll take a
rest.

Yes, thank you. Thank you very much.

Okay, we settled.

Oh, that was subtle. Thank God.

I got the president down to three and a
half million dollars.

Three and a half million. That's not so
bad. That's really fair. I think that's

fair. We'll just have to cut some
funding for our schools and hospitals

roads, and that should be that.

Yeah, well, that's not quite all.

As part of the settlement, we also had
to agree to doing pro -Trump messaging.

How are we supposed to do pro -Trump
messaging?

Oh, come on, guys. We're South Park.

We can do it. Yeah. We just got to work
together.

Yeah.

Who walked through the desert

for you?

Who survived the wilderness and gave the
ultimate sacrifice?

When things heat up, who will deliver us
from temptation?

Donald J. Trump.

No matter how hot it gets, he's not
afraid to fight for America.

With conviction, discipline, and trust
in God, he survived the desert.

I'm Donald J. Trump and I endorse this
message.

Trump.

His penis is teeny tiny, but his love
for us is large.

Oh, I think I might be going.

Yep, sweet, that is about to come.

I love you, man.