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Mr. Duralmaz, finish us off, will you?

Just kill us!

We'll never get over this now!

Just kill us!

Please kill us! Go on.

Or give us a gun and we'll do it ourselves.

You can't beat people up like this!

First, we're beaten senseless.

Then they bring us round for more beating.

I think my rib's broken.

My skull may be fractured, too.

I tell you what

You know the tall guy with the bald head? He beat me with one of those things.

He's been at it since 4:30. Look at my leg!

It's a kind of tube with a chain in it.

Right, a chain.

A chain?

The chain inside gets you.

The chain's outside!

You'll be asking yourselves two things. First, what's a beating?

And second, why is it given?

In a routine beating the body produces two things.

First, fear. And second, ardinal.

Ardinal's a hormone. It triggers the desire to be beaten.

We don't want that.

We want you to remember where you went wrong.

A routine beating is, let's say. A routine beating.

And a creative beating is

let's say. Being hit by a teacher with a ruler.

You never forget it.

That's the point of bringing golf here.

Put the ball down, Tiger.

Is golf a sport you can play with so much noise around?

Let’s carry on talking. Let’s explain some more.

Give me number five. The horses are scared.

Mr. Duralmaz, finish us off. Just kill us!

Face me sideways. I want to try something new with you.

In the name of God!

Magic Carpet Ride

Now for a news report on the bag-snatching mafia.

Thieves have carved Istanbul into territories.

Thieves poaching on rival ground are collared by their rivals.

Their rivals then beat them up and hand them over to the police.

A gang of unidentified thieves who broke into a kebab restaurant

enjoyed a massive 10-kilo fry-up before making off with

the next day's supply of kebab meat, chili, cheese, pastrami and salami.

A man, whose tip-off led to the arrest of a thief

was shocked to learn that his own car was stolen property.

It emerged he had been sold the car

with false registration plates.

-You were so rough. -You didn't complain at the time.

Anyway, when did you start talking dirty in bed?

-You're embarrassing me now. -You said the word for it right out!

You've never heard that before?

No, I have. But it's been a long time.

-Go on, say it again. -Not now!

Whisper it in my ear.

-You're wicked! -So? Is that a problem?

Bad girl! Don't say things like that!

OK, I'm out of here.

Tell you what, though. That bed smell’s interesting!

What does my friend use? It has to have manure in it!

Can you please stop calling him 'my friend'?

I couldn't concentrate because of the smell!

Or else it wouldn't have been such a rushed job. You know me.

-I'll call you then. -I've heard that before!

-I shouldn't call then? -No.

-Right? -No.

Right.

-See you then. -OK.

-What does your man look like? -Please stop talking about him!

-The jerk's at the door right now! -Who?

Lalezar! Open the door!

Then I'll bring a smaller cylinder next week.

He's not going to fall for that now.

You want to make me crazy? Open the goddamn door!

Where’s the guy? Where’s the coward?

He went through there, didn't he?

Sami!

Don't do it! Don't jump!

Sami!

Hey, does this wardrobe always come in so handy?

Sami!

-Hey, what's going on, Sami? -What happened to you?

There was this man in my house. I jumped after him.

He's making a run for it!

Get him! That's him!

Don't run! Stop!

Yes? Can I help?

Superman, help!

Water!

Thanks. Hello. My name's Asım Noyan.

I guess it would be dumb to ask your name.

Hey, what's this?

Before you rang my doorbell so hysterically,

I was committing my own suicide.

Actually, you don't say "my own", which is partly why

Anyway, I wish you a nice day. Make the most of life.

Eat whatsit Eat fish!

And, what was it called?

-Calamari. -Calamari?

Give me a hand.

-Yeah. -Does it fit?

No, I just tried. It seemed a bit tight, actually.

-I see. -Probably because of the ear things.

-Get down. -What?

Sit down there. Go on!

Take a seat.

What are you doing, brother? Are you off your head?

Superman doesn't do himself in!

You have no right to do this to all those kids out there.

To be frank, I don't really see what it has to do with kids.

You do yourself in and what happens?

It's in all the papers tomorrow that Superman did himself in.

What will kids think when they read it?

Superman's their idol! Imagine how they'll feel.

It's all wrong.

You just want to make the headlines or you wouldn't be wearing that gear.

-No! This is my stage costume. -Oh yeah?

Well, what do you wear when you're being a normal person?

-There's that and -OK. Get dressed. We're going out.

Superman's doing himself in and I save him. That's some story!

BARBER SHOP

Hello.

I never imagined I'd ever be eating with Superman.

I'm a comedian actually, Amiz.

Amiz? What's with the "Amiz"?

I’ve never heard such a dumb name. What's "Amiz"?

To be frank. I also found it strange, Asım.

-So you're a comedian, are you? -Yes, I perform in a bar in Beyoğlu.

I mean, I did once. On the bottom floor.

-Yeah? -Or rather, second from bottom.

It equates to that in altitude terms.

In altitude terms.

I've never met a comedian before.

When I was a kid, there was a jerk who performed in a tea garden.

I'll never forget what he said to me once.

"Why are you laughing so much, imp?" That's what he said.

If you did forget, you wouldn't lose anything actually.

What?

Well, it's not worth remembering.

He called you an imp, that's all.

You're not funny at all.

Forget it! You're mean. You didn't like that memory of mine.

No wonder you're on the second from the bottom floor.

Besides, why do yourself in if you're a comedian?

I can't make people laugh.

But you made me laugh.

-Can I ask you a question, if I may? -Go on.

What do you do for a living, Asım?

I'm in the freelance business. But it's very free.

My phone! Stop him!

SOCIOLOGIST WRITER YUSUF ZİYA OCAK BOOK SIGNING

Kiraz, the man's finished his tea!

Where's that Necati?

Community spirit, underdeveloped societies and the EU.

Everything with mass exerts a pull

making a dip on the space-time curve.

The force of its pull is proportional to its mass.

The sun makes the largest dip, being the largest mass in the galaxy.

And in fact, this is what gives rise to gravity.

That's the essence of the general theory of relativity.

And Einstein's greatest discovery.

He was the first person ever to grasp the big picture.

Happy Einstein year to you all!

That's all for today.

My bag?

If you can't stop it, at least get a system working.

Thief boxes for instance. The municipality could do that.

"Dear Thief, please take the money and deposit all ID in a thief box."

I almost forgot. How did the signing day go?

He said I should be writing punchier stuff.

-Who? -The guy at the bookstore.

-What's "punchy" supposed to mean? -I've no idea.

-What did you say to that? -I said I couldn't punch anyone.

-Nuran, isn't the girl so? -Please!

You're not about to crack the Bonus joke, I hope.

Sorry, but everyone does and I've had enough.

No. I was just going to say how sweet

Bonus? What's her problem?

Now, with the person we hire

we're looking for certain qualities

vision and concept, so I mean...

In the first instance, acting as the company's front line

when first meeting clients,

which in a sense means representing the company.

When you say clients?

Our clients are generally involved with tourism,

overseas or domestic,

with an interest in the sun, sea, sand or culture

or winter holidays.

People visiting our country.

That means someone who impresses with their English

with their telephone manner. And so on. I don't know.

I understand.

Yes, we need someone understanding. That's first.

-Second? -Pardon?

-You said "first". What's second? -What do you mean?

Have the boys set up the plasma?

Yes.

What did you say your degree was in?

English philology. I was top of my year.

I don't like saying that actually but my mother insists on it.

The guy who came second was nice, too.

What was it called?

-What? -Your degree.

-Philology. -What's philology?

English language and literature.

English language is fine for us.

Shouldn't philology be called lingology? I mean, it's logical.

It is to me, at least.

Boss, our man's here.

Should he shoot him in the leg and say it's a wake-up call?

No, tell him to go for the head and say it's a wake-up call.

If the guy does it again, he'll get one in the leg.

-Boss, there was also the issue of money. -Mıcır, I'm talking to the lady.

Excuse me.

Hıdır, look after the lady.

What a cute doll. The one on your bag.

I have a little girl, too. Dilber..

She's only two.

But you should see her talk.

"Boo-boo", "ga-ga" That's what she says.

She handles the whole world with two words. What a sweetheart!

Bless her.

I shaved off my mustache so it wouldn't scratch her.

Don't get the wrong idea, I'd had it for 15 years.

I don't get it. I mean, I didn’t get the wrong idea.

You're a lovely person.

Let's see if there's a use-by date on these plums.

-Huh? -We’ll eat it according to that.

Of course there is. It's mandatory. Here, the use-by date, producer

-And take a look at this. -For goodness sake, Nuran!

-You inspected them all. -Just checking. Is that so bad?

-Hi, it's me. -Come in, honey.

-She already has. -Sorry?

She's already inside.

-You're always doing that. -Doing what?

Instead of welcoming her home, you tell her to come in.

I'd say that's the strangest fault you've ever found with me.

-How did it go? -It didn't.

-The book signing? -Which book signing?

-You don't want to remember. -What are you talking about?

-And my bag was stolen. -What! Where?

-In the classroom. During class. -Oh no!

-Umut, don't eat those unwashed. -So, everything's gone.

She only has to file a report with the local authorities.

Good evening, Professor. This arrived for you today.

-Thanks, Mefrika. -No problem.

Good bye.

-What is it? -It's for you.

-What's it telling me? -Wait, let me read it.

It says, "Dear Yusuf Ziya Ocak,

We are so pleased that you will..."

-They've bought your book! -What?

They've bought your book, Community spirit, underdeveloped societies...

For 20,000 Euros.

It's not Euros any more. It's pronounced "Avros." They changed it.

Through a cabinet ruling.

Dad, what's your problem? It says 20,000 Euros here!

-And look, here's the check. -Check? Let me see.

No one came for the signing but...

So, what’re we buying me?

-Nuran! -Hang on! Wait!

-For sale owner direct. -What's that?

First, we put an ad in the paper and find a buyer.

Then we steal whatever he wants and sell it to him.

-You mean, car theft. -Yes, but it's nicer the way I put it.

The guy comes home for lunch!

We're not in the backwoods here. Why can't he grab a sandwich?

They chased me through two blocks!

-Hello. -Hello.

-Asım, it's just a joke. -What's just a joke?

I’ve never seen anything so moronic.

It turns out the guy's a prosecutor.

-What guy? -He can explain it. Come and tell him.

What prosecutor? You mean the retired guy?

I talked to the guy on the phone.

He said he was a retired civil servant.

How could I have known he'd be a prosecutor?

I also object to the word 'moronic'.

-Shut up! -OK. What's the story then?

We get in the car and drive off.

There’s a month until I get my bonus. I'm planning a whole new life.

-You know why I want an estate? -Why?

I want to go on family picnics as often as possible.

I've never done any fishing but I own two rods now.

Oh, the kids don't know. The car's a surprise for them.

I like the car, really I do.

But how about I give you a check for a month's time?

Why not?

-Well? -I got out at the first lights and ran.

So you left the car with him.

That wasn't too clever.

You could have shaken off the prosecutor and saved the car.

-How do you mean? -Like this.

Sir, would you like to take the wheel?

-After all, justice is supreme. -OK. Let's have a go then.

Bravo! You see? A brain that works! And you go and leave the car!

Who’s this guy?

-Let me introduce you. Superman. -"Superman"?

A regular Superman.

Right. The Superman we know and love.

Why didn't you say so before? We're fellow-countrymen.

The whole gang here is from Krypton!

My name's Samet.

Superman is just a character I try to impersonate on stage.

-He does your head in! -Yes, sometimes.

Superman, if you have a family, tell them you're with me tonight.

This guy's sense of humor’s going to kill me!

Where do you find these jokes? Unbelievable!

Now Samet,

I got to know İbrahim through the steel business.

Then we became good friends. I'm not trying to flatter him, but

he's a true gentleman.

He's decent. He's a good laugh.

-And he's good-looking, right? -In my opinion, he's not that..

-Right, Tugay? -Awesome. He has electricity.

Right. Good word!

-He has electricity. More than anything. -Let's not go over the top.

There's that, too. The snappy reply. "Let's not go over the top."

I keep thinking about which actor he reminds me of.

-It's a foreign actor though. -A foreign actor.

Sean Connery.

Sean Connery?

Think of it like this.

Think of Connery's hair. No, forget that.

He has that stubble. Shave that off.

There's his Scottish accent, right? Get rid of that.

And think of him a bit thinner.

There, that's İbrahim for you!

İbrahim, I'm proud of every staff member at my company.

And Silvio here has this gift. He sees likenesses.

You don't, but he does.

Yes, it's Sean Connery.

-Right? -Sure.

Right?

Well

You have that old stud's magnetism. Don't deny it, you do.

Then let's shoot a pilot film with those girls, gentlemen!

Nice shape. Don't knock it! Come on, let's go.

Let's go in.

More action there, boys. Let's see it!

Here are my identical twins! How are things, girls?

What did we talk about?

-How are you, Golden-tooth? -Wait a minute!

Look, you have to identify the dodgy types at the door.

What do we do now? Shoot the guys? All of them?

Sorry, İzzet. It won't happen again.

-Hey Golden-tooth, you're on edge. -Where did you find these guys?

-We're into steel these days. -It's all you're good for anyway.

Those teeth will be mine one day. Just you wait!

What's going on here then? How about we liven things up a bit?

Give us some chips, lady. The supersonic gamblers are here!

Ercüment, there's this Russian saying.

It goes: there's no ugly women, just too little vodka!

So the customs officer says, "You can't take this goat through."

And the guy goes, "It's a dog, not a goat."

"So why does it have horns?" says the customs officer.

So the guy replies. "Keep out of my dog's private life!"

Ercüment, you're hilarious.

Enough jokes for tonight!

Ercüment, let's not waste any time. You look sorted to me.

Sure, if Natali is okay with that.

You want together shower? You pay extra 50 dollars.

-Shower? -Shower, shower

This lot have a thing about the 'shower'.

Hey, it's not some national fantasy!

Most of us don't even like water, do we?

Right, Ercüment?

Okay, İbrahim. I hope you get your own room.

So, who do I stay with?

Well, I thought me actually.

You're not my type.

Go on! I tip a lot.

See you at breakfast, Ercüment.

Breakfast? You want all night? Then I have to take shower!

OK. You do that.

I tell you what

She's been paid upfront. If they're late, you're in shit.

Here.

Never work with your lover. It's as simple as that.

-Yes? What do you want? -Out of the way!

Ercül! The police are here!

What!

Take them away!

Move it! Come on!

Out of here!

Move on!

The supposed elite, most respected members of society!

-You're married, are you? -Yes, sir.

These types really make you sick, chief.

Personally, my stomach's already turning, dude. I mean, boss.

Of course they make you sick.

They're engaging in obscenities here.

Excuse me for interrupting, chief.

Basically, both Ercüment and İbrahim are

There’s a bit of fluff there.

They're respected businessmen.

Ask anyone in the steel industry today

and they'll say only good things about them.

-Shut up! -I'm going to beat him up so bad!

Could we have a quick word?

Come on, let's talk then.

Thank you so much. I'm very grateful.

You don't have to push!

I keep wondering why I don't seem to be at home

but I can't work it out.

This lady's pretty but I think she's with Asım, isn't she?

I asked you a question.

-But that "hush" isn't very nice. -Shut up!

What are you talking about for God's sake?!

Look at them.

These poor guys will be paraded naked on TV tomorrow night!

These tapes go to the media?

There are whole TV shows for this.

They get the adulterers on camera and broadcast the tapes.

-What's an 'adulterer'? -Someone who cheats.

You mean we've become adulterers at this age?

Guys!

I fixed the problem anyway.

But he didn't give me an easy time.

-They'll give us the tape. -Great.

-If we pay 20,000 dollars. -Hey, that's a lot!

That's what I said. Then I got him down to 15,000.

-That's still a lot! -I said that, too. But then they said

"We'll be going then. We'll only just make the main news."

-No! Then let's write the check. -Definitely. Let's do that.

Give it here.

-How much was it? -If you make it 16

That'll cover the cameraman and so on.

Write legibly, or the bank won't take it.

I don't understand what's going on here.

Russians, police, showers.

Shit! My kidney!

They've cut out my kidney!

-They've stolen my kidney! -Who?

How do I know? The gang. Look!

Who'd want your kidney anyway? Here, we washed it.

You threw up the whole night. Supermoron!

-You're licking the guy at this hour?! -Licking him? I'm cleaning up your mess.

How was the surgery, Superman?

Here, this is yours.

-Is that all I get? -What did you expect?

You had 17 Mojitos last night. They've been deducted.

Hey, it's good money. And here's your last Mojito!

There you go.

-Quick, Superman! -What's up?

There won't be any eggs left!

They fall for it every time. Were you in charge again?

-No, the guys were. I just did artwork. -I got it.

I'm leaving.

Tugay, you sell that jeep for a good price, OK?

Sure.

Do you know any other tunes?

-Arif, you're very sexy. -Get out of here! Geez!

Cemil, you're never going to do it.

There's a whatsit there. Have a go with that.

Wait, I'll get us some tea.

I really don't like you.

Let's see. If we don't like it, we won't buy it.

Why would we buy something we don't like?

-That's exactly what I'm saying. -No, it's not.

Well, what am I saying then?

It's like the "Come in" thing. If we don't like it, we won't buy it.

What "Come in" thing?

Never mind. Just keep your eyes on the road.

I don't believe it! Are you really a writer?

Yes, but not a writer anyone reads. I'm a writer who writes.

I can trust you then.

Some people

treat their cars so badly!

I don't have any bad memories with my White Dove, thankfully.

White Dove?

White Dove.

I see.

Maybe she'll be your White Dove now.

Hopefully.

We've been to some amazing places together.

We even went to Bodrum once.

I took a photo of her there. I still have it.

Excuse me, but if it's so hard for you to part with

With the car. Right, Yusuf Ziya? Then we'll

Do I look like the kind of person who'd sell if they didn't have to?

Absolutely not!

If you owe someone money. And that person also has a gun

then you should pay them back. And pay them back today.

Of course.

It's beautiful!

You like our White Dove?

It's fabulous! So is the Beetle mine now?

No. The White Dove's yours.

I don't believe it!

Well, good luck with our first police checkpoint.

Hello. Can I see your papers?

Dad, can you pass my bag?

-Where's is it? -Have a look there.

It should be there.

I reckon women are made for this profession.

So, they're not made for others.

For other what?

For other professions.

Did I say that?

Yes. In the end.

Madam, we have to impound this vehicle.

Why?

It's stolen property.

You're both victim and culprit.

Victim and culprit?

-You didn't steal the car, did you? -No! That's absurd.

I have to ask as you were caught with a stolen vehicle.

That's why you're culprits.

-But we had our money stolen. -And that's why you're victims.

As far as I understand, we bought it from the people who stole it.

Great! You're finally getting the picture.

-Excuse me? -Nothing.

If you've finished your tea, we'll take your statement.

But the tea hasn't arrived yet.

You’ll have it when it gets here.

How can you have tea before it arrives, huh?

It has to arrive first.

-So, I'm to blame for everything. -That's not what I said.

So, what did you mean when you said, "You're finally getting the picture"?

Dad!

-Where did you find that? -In that Cherokee.

-Put it on. -You look great!

If we all go, we can nick the boat.

And do what? You can't sail home!

What's wrong with a tractor?

It's easy to nick, too.

With a tractor, you have a ready-made convertible!

Maybe he wants to go somewhere other than home.

-By boat -Sorry?

I mean, he doesn't necessarily want to go home.

For all we know, he might want to go to the Canary Islands, mightn't he?

Go to hell!

-What was your name? -Ersin.

Ersin, you could have been nice enough to answer what I said.

After all, I did stand up for you.

"After all"? Hayri, what does "after all" mean?

You wrecked a brand-new fridge just for the sake of a safe!

-Arif! -Yes?

-Piss off! -What did I say?

-Go to hell! -How about shutting up?

-Go to hell! -I live there anyway.

Üzeyir, the house seems a bit risky.

They hired a guard after the last scene we made.

How about we try the school?

Wait a minute! What are you doing?

I didn't think you were that criminal.

No? How criminal did you think we were?

At least not criminal enough to abduct a small child.

That's happiness for you, Üzeyir.

A house like that.

By the lake.

Actually, a pool would also do.

You won't find a lake everywhere.

A cool blue pool

With reflections dancing seductively on the ceiling.

A seductive life with a pool and grass.

Like Superman said, the main thing is you wouldn't be half as criminal.

Maybe then you'd be allowed

to love your daughter like a human being.

That's my daughter.

Nazlı.

Welcome, Mr. Asım.

Thanks, Mrs. Hilal.

Mrs. Hilal, let me ask you something.

How come a restaurant this famous still can't make salad?

If you paid the bill, you'd be completely unbearable.

Perhaps I could recommend the poison!

Did your phone number change? I didn't get through on the old one.

Shut it!

Üzeyir, let me change your salad.

Asım, I can't do it.

What can't you do?

What you do.

Of course you can't! You'd go and do yourself in!

If the work's respectable in any way, I’ll respect it. But I can't do it.

Look around you, Superman. Look at those houses.

All those people deserve to live there, huh?

You think they're all clean, there are no crooks there?

Wake up, Superman! You still have to fly!

He's right, Üzeyir. He can't do it.

But how was I with? With Tugay's car thing?

Well, there you were first-rate! Give Superman some rakı .

Listen, Superman.

I was young back then. Just 15 or 16.

There were these big brothers in our neighborhood.

İzzet was the main man. He was a great guy.

I’ve learnt whatever I have from him.

I was there when they pulled off a coffin stunt.

-A coffin stunt? -Right. A coffin stunt.

We had a neighborhood idiot. Cengiz.

Look Cengiz, you'll be fine. Just climb in!

-I'll take you to the funfair! -The funfair! I'll stay forever.

Good man, Cengiz!

But Cengo, you're dead now, OK?

Come on! Leave it out!

Rest in peace!

-Which way now? -No idea!

Where do we take this?

Who's in charge of the corpse?

-Where's it going? -To the funfair!

Asım, come here.

Sit down.

Organized business. Always.

So that day, I said to myself, "You have a choice, Asım."

-In the coffin... -You have corpses and head cases.

You're either in the coffin or carrying it

Or you're organizing the racket.

And you? Where will you be?

Either you steal or you're stolen from.

Well, can't we follow up the number in the newspaper?

Of course they'll have changed it. But it might have been registered.

You're saying the thieves have done nothing wrong?

I see. OK.

OK. Goodbye.

-What happened? -There's nothing we can do!

One day, they'll walk off with the Bosphorus Bridge!

-Professor, I've found something. -What?

Look at this ad. You see the number? 7133.

Now look at this one.

7134.

For sale owner direct.

Either someone's selling a few cars all at once

Or it's our guys. We have their numbers!

-So? -So, can't we do something?

Like call and take them for a ride.

-What? -Why not?

What have you done, Ersin? I don't believe it!

Hey, what have you done?

We're sorry.

Ersin, I keep telling you, you're not a rally driver!

Hey, the car!

What's going on? Bring the car back!

-Asım, I'm ready. -OK.

Remember, you don't want to sell.

OK. Don't keep saying that or I'll get confused.

So, let's see what you're made of. You'll do it. I have faith in you.

-I sent off a photo. -Where to?

A beauty contest.

Where?

A beauty contest.

-You want to be Miss Shampoo? -With a bit of luck.

It's from reading that stuff the whole time.

This car’s everything to me.

No, that was too severe.

This car’s everything to me.

This car’s everything to me.

-How were we doing it? -Again?

-Yes. -We've discussed it 50 times already!

Sorry, honey. This is my first unlawful act.

Luckily, I'm experienced, Mom!

Wait. You're the buyer. I follow you in the car. I'm OK this far.

If he goes for a drive, I'm behind you. Don't worry.

-What was next? -We find out their hiding place.

Just wait.

-If he wants to drive around... -Mom!

-I'll be in the corner. I'll wear glasses. -OK, Mom. Whatever!

Whatever! The main thing is to find out their hiding place.

OK. I'm a bit stressed.

Mom! They're only thieves, not murderers!

That makes me feel a lot better.

Be careful.

Hello, I'm Umut.

Let me say this right away. This car’s everything to me.

Sorry?

Everything depends on this car.

Sure. In the end, we’re interested in buying it.

Can I have a look?

-At what? -At the car.

Of course. Go ahead.

-The car... -Is the...

-I'm so sorry. -No, you first.

No, really I'm listening. Please..

-Does the key... -Excuse me?

It's too expensive.

-What? -The car.

But I haven't told you the price yet.

Well, it looks expensive. How much is it?

15,000 billion l mean, 15,000 That's 15 billion up front.

You see? It's too much for me. I can't buy it.

Wait! We can work something out. Try driving it.

-You can keep the car for today. -No. I don't need to.

We'll meet again tomorrow. I'm quite certain that by then

I'll be able to breathe in your presence.

Forgive me. Don't take this as a compliment, but

I really can't breathe properly at the moment.

I mean, please don't think I'm making advances.

Here's the key. I'll jump in a taxi or something.

We can arrange the thing tomorrow over the phone. See you then.

Just a minute!

So what happened? You weren't supposed to buy the car!

We were going to follow him!

It all happened so quickly. He just gave me the car.

Wonderful! Now we have a stolen car. If the police turn up...

We’ll say we bought it, Mom!

Right. Isn't it bizarre how only we're scared of the police?

Are you a parent? If you're single, will you marry me?

Clear off or I'll call the police!

-You seem to forget the past! -What past?

Happy with the new man, are you?

-Everyone says he's gay! -Security!

-What's the problem, madam? -I don't know this man.

Then I don't know you either!

I've never known you!

Nazlı!

-How are you doing? -Fine. How are you, Uncle Üzeyir?

-Fine, sweetheart. How about you? -I'm doing good.

Listen to that cool talk! "I'm doing good"! How about that?

-Dad, look. -What's that?

You didn't get me one, so they did.

Look at that now.

Our boys have better ones.

Your mom wouldn't allow it anyway. She finds fault with everything I get you.

Remember that doll you could only get in Germany?

She broke that. Didn't you say she broke it?

She thinks I steal everything.

Don't you?

I didn't steal that. It was Ersin or Rıza.

-Ersin. -Right, Ersin.

Enough! Your mom doesn't like us talking about these things.

Dad, put on your seatbelt.

-How does it work? -You stick it in there.

-I can't breathe. -She's asleep.

-Who's asleep? -Nazlı.

She's faking it! Look at that grin!

He didn't fall for it, Üzeyir.

You left the car and didn't get the money?

I'm sorting it out tomorrow.

You're sorting it out tomorrow. Today's job.

But you should’ve seen her, Silvio.

Have you ever seen a crystal-clear stream

with black pebbles in it?

She was just like that.

You have a favorite cemetery or can we bury you anywhere?

To be frank. I don't understand the question.

You'll understand soon enough.

Welcome.

Welcome, boss.

-Nazlı, welcome! -How are you, Silvio? Sausage?

Don't ape him.

Look, Nazlı. That's Superman.

-What? Can he fly? -Not yet. He's still working on it.

Look who's here! Daddy's Nazlı! Welcome Nazlı!

-Suna! -Nazoş! How are you?

-Welcome, honey. -Come on in.

-What happened with the car? -I'm getting the money tomorrow.

-Where's the car? -With the customer.

-Where's the money? -I'll get it tomorrow.

Where's the car?

With the customer.

Where's the money?

She's paying tomorrow.

You expect me to sell stolen goods on credit?

Superman does what our own jerks don't even do.

My name's Samet, not Superman. Superman's a joke thing I

A joke, you idiot?

You don't joke in this business! One joke and you're finished.

Üzeyir,

say you're Superman and you're up on stage.

You want to make people laugh.

But no one does. What do you do?

You're Superman, on stage! What do you do?

You save someone, don't you?

You grab someone and fly off.

Say you can't do that either. Then don't wear the Superman gear!

You don't wear the gear if you can't carry it off.

Look, phony Superman

If you don't get the money tomorrow, our friendship's over

in a flash, as they say.

You understand?

I...

I think you've made yourself quite clear.

What's this?

The guys' car.

They said we could keep it.

Have you lost your minds? You're playing with gangsters!

-What are you trying to do? -They tricked us, didn't they?

-They made fools of us. -So?

If this business is about brain power, we have more of it than they do.

The honest should be as bold as the dishonest as they say.

We're the boldly honest, Dad. And we can fool them.

Yusuf Ziya, I specialize in quantum physics.

-I can also handle a car thief. -Quantum physics! You're plain mad.

-Dad, can you calm down? -Try telling your mother that!

I'm the calmest person here!

I haven't even joined in this argument. Well hardly.

OK, we'll leave the car somewhere. Anywhere.

The police will find it, whatever...

Just get the keys.

Then we have the gangsters after us.

They have Umut's number! In the end, we're stealing their car.

And they stole it from someone else.

Do you always have to stress this pointless detail?

OK, Dad. Can we calm down?

I'll return the car tomorrow and just say we didn't like it.

But if you ask me, we should carry on with the attack!

What attack for goodness sake? Where's it going to get you?

-We'll get our money back! -We've talked about that!

Meeting’s fine, but we're telling the police.

-So, we get the guys caught? -Yes. That's normal, isn't it?

I have a problem with what's normal in this country these days!

It's normal to have your bag stolen

Normal to have thieves break in while you're at home

Even normal to have your car stolen at police checkpoints!

Everything, dear Yusuf Ziya is quite normal!

It's only abnormal that we're trying to get our money back!

-We have to go to the police. -Fine. But will we get our money back?

-Look at this! -You're crazy.

-Where's the moron? -Which moron?

I asked where the moron was, Hayri. Are you deaf?

Cool it, sister! He's in there.

Don't call me "sister".

Üzeyir, didn't I tell you she'd show up?

Why are you yelling?

How many times have I told you not to yell in front of people?

-Where's my daughter? -Why the hysterics, Nergis?

-I’m her father. -I said, where's my daughter?

Where's the tooth man?

-Dental surgeon! -Well, surgeon then.

-He's waiting in the car. -Couldn't he handle coming in?

He might’ve if you hadn't punched him.

-He called me a thief. -Aren't you?

That's none of his business. At least I'm a good thief.

-His tooth jobs are crap. -How do you know?

If I smash someone's teeth in, I send them right to him.

He botches the fillings.

That's the difference between you.

You smash teeth. Semih fixes them.

You moron!

Well, I'm not crazy about living this dangerously.

I'll be quitting at some point.

Maybe I'll get into property. We'll see.

Leave it out! Always the same old song!

You used to sing so sweetly once.

What was it, that song about moonshine?

The sea and the moonlight.

"The sea and the moonlight were asking after you.

Where are you?"

There's no moonshine in there.

What do you mean?

There's sea. There's moonlight.

So there has to be moonshine, too.

Where's my daughter?

Üzeyir!

I'll call you on your mobile.

Stay cool, Dad. I'll text you and we can meet.

Come on, Nazlı. We're going.

Hurry up!

I'd like to notify the police of this address.

-Semih, can you shut up? -I agree.

-You shut up, too. -I agree.

Don't get cold.

I won't.

I'm high.

They've picked me.

Who?

For the beauty contest.

Right.

Great.

So they know quality goods when they see them.

Goods

Nice word.

Sorry.

I'm going.

I'm leaving you.

I'm leaving you.

Painful words.

There's no moonshine...

in our song.

Goodbye.

-Good night, honey. -Good night.

-Good night, Dad. -Good night, dear.

Dad, calm down!

It's a busy street. What can happen? I'm just over there.

-I can see you from here anyway. -It would be too obvious over here.

He's coming.

Hello.

Thanks for the paper.

-Am I late? -No, I was early.

-Then, I'm late. -No, I was early.

Gosh.

I came early because I was bored.

-What will you have to drink? -I’m drinking juice.

Yes, of course.

-It's very... -I've been...

-Sorry. -Sorry. Go ahead.

Sorry.

It's the second time we've started talking both at once.

Yes, I'm sorry. I get tense sometimes.

To be frank, I don't like myself a lot.

Why not?

I don't know. I could have been more talented.

I mean in general.

I'm a comedian actually.

-A comedian? -Yes.

I guess business isn't that great then.

Which of my jokes didn't you like?

-No, I mean with you selling the car -No, I just want to exchange it.

-Exchange it? -Yes.

But two days ago it meant everything to you.

How do you mean?

Anyway, let's get to the point.

We've talked it through at home and come to a decision.

We don't want to buy the car after all.

-You're joking! -I'm sorry if we've strung you along but

No, I'm glad. I was terrified you'd buy it.

-I don't understand. -The car means everything to me.

I can't sell it!

Can I tell you a secret?

The car I tried to sell you, it’s stolen.

Stolen?

I was going to tell you even if you'd bought it.

Well, I thought about it. Only, Asım would’ve killed me.

-Who's Asım? -The leader of the gang.

You have a gang?

No, Umut. I don't. I'm a comedian.

-How did you get involved? -I'm not.

Asım, the gang leader

He saved my life. I was Superman.

-Superman? -Superman was my stage name.

My name's Samet actually. Asım saved my life.

How?

-I was about to commit suicide. -Suicide?

I don't believe it! That's all we needed!

One day, if you have nothing else to do

Would you come and watch me?

I perform on Mondays. Well, not at the moment.

But if I start again. Would you come and watch me?

OK. We'll speak on the phone.

OK.

Umut.

Samet.

Goodbye.

The car's in the car park on the right.

-What took so long? -I just said we didn't want the car.

Bravo! I'll grab a taxi over there.

So...

-is the action over now? -No, Mom. It's only just starting.

Great job, Asım.

Hey, the stuff’s good as new!

Take this.

-Thanks. -Good bye.

OK, good bye.

Come on, let's go.

Hey, aren't you going to order anything for the woman?

At least he won't miss this.

Excuse me. Your wallet's on the floor.

-Thank you. -Don't mention it.

-Do you ever listen to me? -Sometimes.

Superman,

-you know what I like about you most? -No.

Neither do I!

If you'll allow me. I'd like to tell you something.

This guy gives me stress, Üzeyir.

He always wants my permission. It really gives me stress.

Asım, thank you. For everything.

It can't really be said that I saved your life.

If I hadn't answered the door, someone else would have for sure.

But if you hadn't rung my doorbell,

nobody else would have. You see?

-Can't we switch channels? -I can't do it.

Look. I couldn't sell the car either.

You have to 'have it in you', as they say. Well, I don't.

But that's not important.

What's important is that I have hope now, thanks to you.

What do you take to get this high?

Do you use anything?

I could use a cold ayran if they have it.

Whenever I see anyone in trouble, I go and help, Asım.

That's just me.

Brother, I should go my own way.

Just going to wash my hands.

Üzeyir, you're not mute.

So why do you never speak?

I used to talk a lot once. It didn't do me any good, so I stopped.

-Don't knock yourself, Superman. -I won't.

Suicide, huh? You have to fight it!

I will.

Listen up.

People have this thing of idling like cars.

The idling should be stable. Not too fast, not too slow.

You should adapt to every situation, be whatever you have to be.

Like those animals that change color.

You know, chomeleons.

Not chomeleon. It's chameleon.

Superman, don't correct me.

You were saying about chomeleons.

You know what I like about you most?

I know. You don't know.

No, I do know.

You have a clean heart.

You have such a clean heart.

You'll get trodden on by everyone.

I don't show the dirt any more.

But they'll make mincemeat of you. Take more care of yourself.

I never had any siblings.

I didn't have a real family either.

Where's your family? What do they do?

They're in Çanakkale. Or rather, Evreşe.

-Where? -Evreşe. You know the song?

Evreşe has narrow streets...

Actually, the streets aren't narrow.

-That's a real place? -Yes.

Yes, it's a real place.

The streets aren't narrow, but the song says they are.

Right?

Use that on stage. It's funny.

You're from Evreşe and looking for jokes in Krypton.

-Is that right? -Yes. That seems about right.

Sorry. I'm clueless about your job but I tried to, you know

Look, Superman...

Samet.

You're my brother now.

If you're ever in trouble, you know where to find me.

Yes, I do.

-I can't take this. -Go on. Take it.

The girls said to put it in an envelope but it's a bit...

You're my brother.

-You're my brother. -Thanks, brother.

The guy isn't a gang member. He's only just joined.

So he's a member then. He's joined.

-Well, whatever. -He might panic if he hears this.

-Who? -Your father.

-He's a comedian actually. -Who?

-Superman. -Who's Superman?

-The guy. -The guy's Superman?

-Yes. -Good. So he'll save us then.

That's what I'm saying.

He might be suspicious if he sees us together.

Mom, we're victims! We need help. Superman won't turn us away.

We're from Germany, are we? Where?

I don't know. Make something up.

-Hello. -Hello.

Oh, sorry. My mother. Samet.

-Very pleased to meet you. -Thanks. Likewise.

I know I'm gatecrashing here but I wouldn't have been so rude

if circumstances hadn't forced me.

No, please.

Don't mention it.

Well, yes.

-Hello. Welcome. -Thanks.

- What can I get you? -The pilaki here is the best in İstanbul.

Really? But I don't want anything, thanks.

-Right. And you, Umut? -I'll have the pilaki .

Then a pilaki for each of us. And rice. Will you have a drink?

No, thank you. It's just I'm rather upset.

Thanks, Ercan.

That's all. Thanks, Ercan.

Umut has spoken about you at length.

We also talked on the way, didn't we?

About your friends, your ties with the gang...

And about your friends...

Yeah.

-Thanks, Ercan.

Thanks.

When she mentioned your ties,

I thought only you could save us. Didn't I, Umut?

-I can save you? -Yes. I told my mom...

I said you could save us from these evil people.

-Evil people? -Yes.

With your strength of character I believe...

I believe you can save us from this problem.

You don't have to. Only if you feel like it.

It's just we've never experienced anything like it before.

Never. Believe me. After all those years in Germany...

You're gastarbeiter .

No. We did live in Germany

but we don't like the word gastarbeiter .

I mean, so many years in Germany.

But then Umut was born in Germany.

-Really? Where? -Ger... Gerzenkirschen.

Of course it's been so long, I can't remember it well...

But we're here now thank goodness. Or is it? I don't know.

I thought only you could save us from this injustice.

Üzeyir, I offer our friend help

and he's here to get it the next day!

It's unbelievable what he did!

I mean Umut's father's partner.

He never paid him back.

I mean, he stole decent people's money!

No, really?

When I say stole...

Sometimes you have to. Don't you?

He browbeat them.

They're gastarbeiter .

I mean. They spent years working in Germany.

So you even found out about their foreign affairs!

If I said I loved her, I wouldn't be lying.

Üzeyir, we really have a Superman here.

Stealing a chick in a stolen car I'd say that's really something!

Don't be angry, but in my opinion 'chick' isn't the right word here.

How much did he walk off with? That partner...

100,000 Euros. I don't know how much that is in Lira.

I do. A lot!

You know I more or less said I loved her?

-Yes. -I should stress that point.

What do we get out of the deal?

She's my girlfriend.

Superman, you take girls out to dinner or the movies.

You don't pick up 100,000 Euro debts for them.

We'll sort something out. I don't want a cut. It's yours.

Yeah, right!

-Where's the address? -In my pocket.

-The full address. -You just filled it, right?

What! Polonezköy?

Tell the boys to get themselves ready.

OK. I'm gone.

Tugay, Silvio

Have you been roughed up lately, old boy?

-No. -Really?

Then I want snappy answers.

We're here to find a jerk called Müslüm.

Pardon?

He said, a jerk called Müslüm! Are you deaf?

I said, a jerk called Müslüm! Are you deaf?

What did I say?

A jerk called Müslüm!

-Louder! -A jerk called Müslüm!

A jerk called Müslüm!

Loud enough? You heard? Where is he?

Go that way. Cross the bridge and there's a field of jerks.

You can't beat old boys, can you?

Ersin, don't speak unless you have to.

Ultimately, that was uncalled for.

Ultimately?

What does that mean?

Get a look at that!

A man needs a horse, a wife.. What was the other thing?

Bravo, a gun!

Welcome.

Thanks.

What do you want?

What do we want? Water if you have it.

If not, forget it.

Then we should...

We'll find a spring somewhere.

It's the countryside here.

I guess if we go straight we'll be going straight back.

If we go the way we came we're bound to be going back.

Why are you here?

To say hello to Mr. Duralmaz...

-Superman, what have you done? -Don't use names, Asım.

Müslüm you say...

I...

You talk to the gentleman and we'll wait here.

Yes, we'll wait here just in case.

-What do you mean? -Can't you see those guns?

Shut Up!

Drop it, Tugay.

Let everyone say their last words in peace.

Don't give the guys stress.

You know the song?

Bye, bye happiness

Bye, bye loneliness

Follow me. All of you!

I don't believe it! You're still playing golf!

I never want to look at another golf club!

-Did you go riding? -Yes.

-Then take another ride. -I don't want to.

-Go and watch the plasma. -I don't want to do that.

Look, this is my golf hour.

Is that so?

See if I care!

Is this them?

This is them.

This? Them?

Did you refer to me as “a jerk called Müslüm” on your way in?

Do you talk about me as a "jerk" in your private life?

Huh?

That's a bit much!

I mean, if you get the gossip on us before we're even here, that's...

Are you acting the retard?

No.

It's not gossip. We have it on video.

Video?

Tiger, take them to the plasma.

Sure. This way!

When you say plasma...

Turkey’s in the second difficult stage to join The European Union now...

Have you been roughed up lately, old boy?

No.

Then I want snappy answers.

We're here to find a jerk called Müslüm.

Videos are a great gadget, right?

I mean...

Sure. Very useful.

At weddings and so on.

He said, a jerk called Müslüm! Are you deaf?

I said, a jerk called Müslüm! Are you deaf?

What did I say?

A jerk called Müslüm!

Louder!

A jerk called Müslüm!

Loud enough? You heard? Where is he?

Sir...

Obviously it wasn't nice that I used that word, but...

it wasn't nice at all that the guys...

kept repeating the word.

I thought the old man couldn't hear. That's why I was shouting.

You were being plain rude.

Shall I rewind to the beginning?

No.

Let's get going then.

Here, you take the remote control.

Take them to the stable.

Kneel down.

I play an hour of golf every day. Does that seem a lot?

I'm new to the game. Quiet!

I'm not any good yet but I'm working on it.

They say golf's a game for the elite but it's not. Anyone can play.

I don't get the time to play though.

You've just wasted half an hour of my time.

If the boys beat you for half an hour, what would happen to the golf?

Now open your mouths.

Sorry?

Open your mouths! I'm playing golf. I need holes.

Well, if anyone trusts his ass, then...

Open your mouths!

There you go.

I like this.

You got this beating for being thieves.

And for stealing from decent people.

We've done our best to make sure it's a lesson you never forget.

If the impact is lasting

we'll be all the happier.

Thank you so much for the check. I don't know what to say.

Then don't say anything.

I just love how her mind works.

This...

is for Dilber. From me.

What a cute doll.

I should get going.

Goodbye.

Goodbye. You're a lovely person.

They beat the guys up.

Is that really what we wanted?

No, but...

MONDAYS SUPERMAN OF EVREŞE

Hello.

Hello.

-You came. -Yeah.

Why are you so surprised? Didn't you ask me to?

-Does it hurt? -It does still hurt a bit.

I'm so sorry. I didn't know about the beating.

That's OK. It was the nicest beating I've ever had.

I really feel bad.

I mean, if you like, we can go for a drink later.

OK, sure.

For me?

You mean, you'll stay and watch?

-This is the costume then? -Yes.

It looks good.

I should go then. See you later.

OK.

And now, Superman of Evreşe, Samet with his new show!

Hello.

Welcome.

Great! When I see so many people laugh

I really think the show will be a hit.

Actually, the first show was a hit.

So now there's a second one

I was about to commit suicide.

The crime rate in the city had soared.

People needed help.

And I, Superman of Evreşe. The only Superman who could help.

I was about to commit suicide.

If Asım hadn't rung my doorbell...

I'd probably be in Krypton now.

Really. He gave me...

fresh hope to face life again.

Cemil, what happened with the safe?

It turns out there's another safe inside.

Maybe it's time to quit. It's lost its thrill.

There are thieves everywhere now.

What do you say to property?

It's a good business, right?

You go and make a deal with the landlord. Then?

Then? Don't make me yell!

-I can't hear you properly. -That's normal.

You're ears are damaged!

Dad! Dad!

How are you doing? Careful, my back!

Aren't you better yet?

No, but I'm fine. A crazy accident.

Falling off a ladder.

-You fell? -Right.

So when did you get the punches?

A week or so before the fall, wasn't it?

Does my shirt look OK?

I had four teeth knocked out.

I need a toothman right away.

But I don't know any.

I'd laugh but it's not a pretty sight. It hurts a bit, too.

A gang of burglars acting like they're from a moving company

took everything from a house in broad daylight.

They took carpets from an old lady

who said, "Can you take this to carpet washing, please?"

And then they left the scene without a trace.

Well, old lady you shouldn't go for every opportunity to save money,

you should've taken it easy.

Subtitle translation by Kıvanç Dağ