Original subtitles

After my book was published, I started to get all the attention.

That's what set Ben off.

The best thing for me to do is play along, pretend not to notice, no matter

weird he gets.

Where's Helga?

Oh, it's so exciting. She wanted a free lunch at Jack in a Box.

Hi, I'm Frederica.

Great. Is there somebody else around?

I mean, I'd be more comfortable with a woman.

Oh, relax, sweet kicks. They kicked me out of the men's section years ago.

If you get my drift, women are not my passion.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm not.

Now, shall we start with the bag?

Okay.

What would you like, oil or powder?

Oil first, then powder.

I think that's best.

Never had a male masseuse before.

You're a lot stronger than Helga.

I'm not too strong?

No, perfect.

You're so tense.

Close your eyes.

Think of the color pink.

It's very relaxing.

Are you Scorpio?

No. Me either.

You're a bundle of nerves.

I guess I'm nervous about tonight.

You want something special?

I'm going to be on TV.

Oh, really? Johnny or Merv?

Bob and Carol.

I wrote a book. I'm going to be interviewed.

It's a cable TV show.

I can feel it.

You're going to be marvelous.

I'm going to give you my special rub.

How good is it that it did that?

How good is it that I know?

Precious.

Excuse me, I think you're getting a little personal.

It's my celebrity rub.

I give it to all the stars. Relax.

Good hands.

You know, I'm as queer as a Tito and Bill, so this is all professional.

I think you should stop.

All the other clients love this part of the massage.

You see, with me it's not sexual.

With me it is sexual.

Stop. To release all the tension.

Just stop.

Oh, God.

Oh,

oh,

oh.