Original subtitles

Yeah, Attila, hon?

Yeah, can you get me in for a touch -up this week?

Yeah, my roots are starting to show when I tell you if anybody found out I was a

natural blonde.

Oh, hello, darlings.

Color me surprised.

Why, I'm that vivacious value meal that's always supersized.

Elvira, Mistress of the Dark.

And I'm sorry for not looking my best tonight, but I've got to tell you,

tonight's crock of schlock is Christopher Lee's last role as Prince of

And I figured if Chris and the gang at Hammer Studios weren't going to try to

make a good movie, why should I try to host it?

I mean, this movie is the pit.

And I ain't talking to Brad Variety. It is awful.

They should have called it The Satanic Wrongs of Dracula because this movie is

sin. So, since my time is so valuable, I don't get out of bed for less than 50

bucks. Hmm. As a matter of fact, I don't get into bed for less than 50 bucks.

I figured I'd make good use of my 87 minutes and pass the time wisely.

Well, let's get this thing started so we can get it finished while I do a load

of laundry.

It's the satanic rite to Dracula here on movie.

Hear ye great demons of... Uh, talk shot.

Give them thy power over frail mankind.

Thus do we dedicate ourselves to your service... Um, what's our blurring

on this movie?

We accept your guidance.

Yep, I feel bound and bored too, pal.

Thank you.

I'm the same.

Obscene.

Some power.

Something greater.

You're sure John Porter was there?

You're sure it was John Porter?

They have filthy, obscene rights.

I saw an altar, a young girl in it, naked.

She lies there, waiting for the sacrifice, a cockerel, to be killed.

They call on the name of the devil.

They seem to take strength from their own blasphemy.

You want proof?

I've got photos.

Five of them.

All involved.

All right, now let's go through this again.

Tell me more about this ritual.

They'd never have gone in, putting him in as one of the guards. They must have

been picked men.

He was bound to be caught.

volunteered. Nobody volunteers in this department.

Does he still maintain the John Porter letter?

Yes, he seems to be certain about that.

Porter and four others, five men in all.

It's going to make life difficult for all of us, isn't it?

Because he's a minister of the crown?

Because the right honourable John Porter has direct responsibility for this

department.

Perhaps he just forgot about us.

In any case, we have no proof, no real proof.

A group of middle -aged men indulging themselves in some sort of sick orgy.

That's what we've got. Maybe the proof's in there.

Even if it is, we don't know if we can use it.

So that poor devil is simply suffering for absolutely nothing. That poor devil

isn't suffering any longer.

He's dead.

It's a miracle he lasted as long as he did.

Obviously, he'd been systematically beaten and tortured. Thank you, Doctor.

Let me have your written report later.

I don't suppose anyone will be allowed to claim him, will they?

Usual routine, false name on the death certificate.

Then a departmental would brown to the burial.

Would you like to hear this played back now, sir?

No, not now.

But leave it here.

Get this down to the photo lab. Tell them to make prints of anything that

out. Anything at all.

Have the tape transcribed later and then put it in a red dossier and file it in

the number two security vault on the seal.

Yes, sir.

Number two vault, eh?

You really are going to close the door on this whole issue.

I might have to.

As far as the department's concerned, as far as I'm concerned.

Officially. What's that supposed to mean?

I've called somebody in to give you a hand.

Someone who doesn't have our resources but does have a certain independence.

Political independence.

A man called Murray.

Inspector Murray.

Scotland Yard.

Special branch.

Don't worry.

He's all right.

It's his job. Oh, that's comforting.

Inside this room you have my blessing and my cooperation.

Outside you're on your own. And I mean that.

Put a foot wrong and the powers that be will finish you.

problem to join Hansen.

Thanks. They should have called this movie the Satanic Pacing of Dracula, or

Satanic Haircuts of Dracula, or the Satanic Music of Dracula.

Was I wrong, kids?

I mean, this is the worst of the worst. Why, it gives a bad name to Dracula.

I mean, not that Dracula had a particularly good name to begin with,

makes it even worse.

I mean, this movie is full of a lack of intrigue, and what is intriguing, we

have to blur out.

Well... Stick around. There's more obscure nudity to come on the satanic

of Dracula here on Movie Macabre.

Oh, welcome back, darling. It's me, that dick who put the rack in Dracula,

Elvira, Mistress of the Dark. And while you're just sitting there wasting your

lives away with this murder of the Dracula franchise, I am actually

on paying some bills.

Boy, I'll tell you, those creditors are nothing but leeches.

And blood money gets more and more expensive every year.

My rates just keep going up.

We've been running some routine security checks on certain listed VIPs.

We got a whisper on the grapevine that some of them may have been visiting a

house in Croxted Heath.

Visiting it regularly.

We didn't know who they were.

This is the place.

Pelham House.

Headquarters of what has always been regarded as a harmless organization.

Psychical Examination and Research Group. PURGE for short.

So you sent an operative in undercover.

Yes, handsome.

He witnessed a couple of pretty weird sessions.

Hear ye great demons of hell.

Watch over these thy disciples.

Give them thy power over frail mankind.

Thus do we dedicate ourselves to your service and your commands.

Thus with this baptism of blood.

Walk in the eternal.

Well, this chick is showing so much boob I'm going to call her Titania.

Secrets of those who move beyond the realms of the unknown and into the

precincts of Hades.

Yesterday they rumbled him and tried to make him talk.

So they're alerted now.

What is it? An espionage network?

That must be our assumption.

Skull peeking. Well, we don't know. Nothing ties in.

There's no single known link.

And there's no whispers from any informers. From the photo lab.

They found five exposures on the microfilm. A bit blurry, but they've

special processing.

Right, thanks, Jane. The transcription?

All finished, sir. Sealed and vaulted. Thank you.

You can't have had much rest in the last 12 hours. You'd better cut along home.

Thank you, sir.

Turn off the light as you go out, will you, Jane?

No doubt about that one.

General Sir Arthur Freeborn, Imperial General Staff.

Thus, by the 6 ,000 terrors of hell, are you anointed. Whoa, there's so many

evil, crusty old white men. For a second there, I thought we were watching C

-SPAN.

Sir Hanson was right.

Well, that's Porter, isn't it?

Yes, the right honourable John Porter MP.

Minister with special responsibilities for our security services.

But he didn't stick to collecting spiders.

Thus, by the nameless monsters of the lower depths, are you called.

A nod from him and a dozen civil service pensions go out of the window,

including mine.

He could dissolve this department in two seconds flat.

So that's why you're working without official sanction.

He's not too difficult either.

Lord Carradine. Next to the church and the government. One of the biggest

landowners in England.

Still owns half of London.

By the seven lords of darkness are you damned.

Professor?

Julian Keeley.

Not the Nobel Prize winner.

Yes, I'm sure it is.

Expert in the fields of bacteriology, germ warfare and diseases of the blood.

Runs the Keeley Foundation here in London.

And seven times seven damned again.

Thus. To defy the common laws of man and righteousness.

There were five photos.

Peter, let's have the fifth.

What's this then?

He slipped up over this one.

He spoke of five men. Well, he was punchy. He'd had a hell of a beating.

It's a wonder we got anything at all out of him.

It could only have been four.

It's enough.

I'll have the dossiers released on Keeley Porter and the others.

I'll see what can be dug up.

I haven't seen the colonel, Elvis.

Perhaps the colonel's never had quite so much provocation before.

Panic Vets the Dracula.

Like some kind of drug.

The woman puts that cloak over her.

Over the blood.

This blood pouring from the wound.

This blood.

Blood. Blood.

All right?

There's a man I've worked with once. He's an academic type, but he knows

this sort of thing.

Professor Lorimer Van Helsing.

He's a university lecturer in anthropology and Eastern European

scientist. But what may prove to be even more important to us, he's an authority

on the occult.

He really knows about the black arts, satanic rites, and... And what?

Other things?

crosses marked in blood.

And as the woman goes to the altar, there's a

strange power there filling the whole house.

I felt it. Strong, weird power.

Death is no prison to those who have given their souls to the prince of

darkness.

Panic Shampoo commercial of Dracula.

Hobgoblins and witches and things that go bump in the night.

Yes. Well, hobgoblins are fantasy creatures of the nursery, Mr. Thomas.

As for witches, they certainly exist, although 90 % of them are charlatans.

But things do go bump in the night.

Quite often.

Well, what do you think, Professor?

Was it just a black mass ritual?

No.

No, not exactly.

In the dark ages, the worship of natural substances was quite common.

The soil, water, sands of the desert, various plants.

But the strongest cults were those that worshipped the most mystical substance

of all, the fountainhead of light itself.

The glorification of blood.

Thank you.

More often than not, human blood.

Now, what your man Hanson witnessed was a very ancient ritual ceremony.

It has all the elements.

The slaughter of the cockerel, the inherent vileness of evil triumphant,

obscenities, the marking of the supplicants, the human sacrifice. Now,

course, could be faked.

But it's the symbolism that counts.

The worship of blood.

Well, I can understand young kids taking a flyer just for kicks, but we're

talking about sophisticated, mature adults.

It isn't unique.

The notorious Hellfire Club of the 18th century was comprised solely of the

elite brains of this country.

The wisest men of Asia were firmly convinced that human blood was the

youth.

And those who adhere to the cult of vampirism are usually sophisticated,

adults.

These are the people who fully realize its tremendous potential.

And one of these men could be the motivating force, the menace.

And the power.

Are these men involved in this whole business because they're under some kind

threat?

Or drugs?

Or hypnosis.

This particular evil is more potent and more addictive than heroin, I assure

you.

And the end result is just as fatal.

I'd like to see inside Perham House.

Yes, but they're already alerted. Coffee, Grandfather.

What a pleasant surprise.

Thank you.

You know my granddaughter, Inspector?

Yes, indeed.

Nice to see you again, Jessica.

Hello. Jessica, this is Mr. Peter Torrance. Excuse me.

Jessica is my right hand.

Sometimes I think she knows more about my work than I do myself.

There's little sense in trying to keep secrets from her.

She has an ingrained curiosity, the hallmark of a true scientist.

Do you take milk and sugar in your coffee, Mr. Torrance? No, plain black.

Thank you.

I still think it'd be worth a trip out and cross with you.

What? Pelham House.

I'd still like to take a look inside.

Ah, Professor Julian Peely.

You know him?

I've met him.

He's been here once or twice.

But you know him, Grandfather. You know him very well.

Is that true, sir?

Yes, I know him.

We met at Oxford.

He was reading biochemistry.

When I saw that photograph...

I just couldn't believe it. Not Keeley.

I was going to tell you.

Later. Old college chums and all that.

I thought I might see him first, speak to him, find out if he's really

Why not?

Eh? Well, it's worth a try.

Well, chances are that a friend couldn't in your eyes.

Yes, it's worth a try.

dreams, Elvira.

Unpleasant dreams, Elvira.

Get me out of here, Elvira.

This movie won't end, Elvira.

We're a half an hour in and we haven't even seen Dracula yet, Elvira.

We'll be right back to more movie macabre, Elvira.

Ah, 69 down.

11 letters meaning bored stiff while watching the last Hammer Films Dracula

movie.

Rick and Morty!

Oh, wow.

Boy, have they got that right. I mean, this movie is so dull, my cramps have

cramps. You know, it's usually about now that I give you a quick recap on what's

going on.

Well, here it is. A satanic cult killed a guy Van Helsing is going to help find

him. Yep, that's it. No Dracula yet.

let's get back to the lack of action and see if we don't get moving along at

some point.

Julian? I've finished.

It's all finished. I've finished it.

Hello, Julian.

It's Lorimer.

Lorimer.

Lorimer Van Helsing. Lorimer.

You told me any time I was part of... Lorimer.

Van Helsing.

It's not terribly convenient just now.

What I mean is... I'm sorry. I happen to be in the neighbourhood. Very busy.

On what?

What are you working on these days? I must say you have some splendid

here.

I'm sorry if I startled you.

I was concentrating.

Leave that, will you?

What's wrong, Julian?

Nothing.

Nothing.

And... Just a bit tense, Lorimer.

You know, sleepless nights.

Mental fatigue.

I...

I have been ill.

A sort of temporary breakdown, but I'll be over it soon.

My dear chap, I'm so sorry.

The project.

I had a deadline, you see.

It had to be completed by the 23rd of this month.

Always fighting the clock.

But I did what they wanted me to, and I've still time to spare.

All the answers just came quite suddenly.

It happens like that occasionally, doesn't it?

There it is.

There's still time before the 23rd, isn't there?

Evil rules, you know.

It really does.

Evil and violence are the only two measures that hold any power.

Look at the world.

Chaos.

It is a preordained pattern.

Violence, greed, intolerance, sloth, jealousy.

The deadly sins or the deadly virtues?

The supreme being is the devil, Lord of all.

Serve him and he offers you immortality.

He removes death, the common enemy.

Nothing is too vile.

Nothing is too dreadful.

Too awful.

You need to know the terror.

The horror, Lorimer.

You need to feel the thrill of disgust.

The beauty of obscenity.

Julian, in God's name.

What is it you're working on?

Julian!

Help me.

Help me, Lorimer. Julian!

These notes.

They refer to a new strain of bacillus pestis.

Bubonic plague.

The Black Death.

Not a cure for it. Not a preventative technique.

It's a means of accelerating it. That is necessary.

I had to do it.

to the new strain.

Bacillus pestis, but more virulent than any known species.

I grew the bacilli in Agar and then exposed them to radioactive neutrons.

An infected creature suffers the most indescribable symptoms.

The flesh literally rots on the bones.

And the contagion spreads by touch like wildfire.

Everything accelerates beyond any imagination.

Within seconds, the disease takes over the whole system.

And the bacilli is growing in these petri dishes?

They are now fully matured.

You can live in a saline solution indefinitely.

Why the plague, Bacillus Julian?

You! Professor Julian Keeley awarded the Nobel Prize for Science and Humanity.

Why, Julian?

You're going to tell me who commissioned you to work on this, this atrocity.

It was so important to you and to them about the 23rd of this month.

Otherwise, I shall have no alternative but to report this whole matter to

authorities.

Don't blame me!

You guys shot in the head, didn't he?

He threatened me.

My work's all finished.

Harder. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's it.

Oh, you know, someone told me the movie took a break. I mean, not that you'd

notice the difference.

Harder. Yeah. Oh, could you watch the cuticles, please?

Stick around, darling.

There's more or less excitement when we return.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, harder. Oh, that's great.

Oh,

hello, darling. It's me, your shepherd through the fields of toxic boredom,

Elvira, Mistress of the Dark.

Now, if you're just tuning in, I am so, so, so sorry it's gotten that bad for

you. But you have to hit rock bottom in order to start climbing back up. And I

have been sitting on my rock bottom all night.

Man, this movie is so boring that I figured I'd catch up on some of my

eerie articles.

Tomb, Puss Weekly, Bon Appetit, and Bitter

Homes and Garbage.

Now, I'm going to just finish this article on how to dust your home

while you endure another act of this direct.

Look, you heard what my grandfather said. I know his work. I might spot

something you could overlook. I'm sorry, Jessica. It's just out of the question.

We're not playing games.

Actually, there is a way you can be of use to us, Jessica.

How? By waiting here.

And if by some chance we shouldn't be back within an hour, get on to Gadsby at

the yard on 356 and tell him what happened, will you?

And, um, be quiet.

Murray. Inspector Murray. Police.

Well, you are the law

What

is it

Please smoke police.

What can the police possibly want with us?

Well, apparently there was some sort of disturbance in the roadway just outside

your gates last night.

Some nearby residents complained.

There are no nearby residents.

It was a very still night. Perhaps the sound carried.

Didn't you hear anything?

Yes, as a matter of fact, I did. Some hooligans on motorcycles.

I hardly thought it worth reporting.

Well, the complainants felt that the hooligans might be using this house as a

rallying point.

It's ridiculous, of course, but we have to look into these things.

How very bizarre.

They are supposed to hide in the dark corners of Pelham House, are they?

Thank you.

Obsessed. Utterly lost.

Or that the last vestige of sanity had left him.

His words were prompted by some force, some nightmare outside himself.

It is a shadow, a spectre, that haunts us all.

Murray, why the hell didn't you get your people to raid Palomar's?

You should have called them the moment you got out of the dam. As a matter of

fact, sir... I'm sorry, Colonel.

Inspector Murray was quite right.

At the time the police could have got there, they would have found nothing.

Nothing? What about that Chinese woman? What about all those unfortunate

creatures in the cellar? We are not dealing with ordinary criminals, Colonel

Matthews.

Nor with enemy agents.

These people have powers beyond anything you can imagine.

You didn't help Professor Keeley.

Well, he's out of it now anyway.

One down and three to go.

The Keeley Foundation.

Who started it? The money's behind it.

Thank you.

Some tycoon called Denham.

D .D. Denham.

There's very little known about him.

He lives in the heart of the Denham building. No, thank you.

He allows no press interviews or photographs.

What are the clues? Denham.

Mean something?

A link. Possibly a major one.

Yes, here we are. The Denham Group of Companies.

Chemicals, oils, banks.

Board of Directors, Denham himself.

The Right Honourable John Porter.

Lord Carradine.

General Freeball.

Anne Keeley.

And Uncle Tom Copley and all.

This man.

Denham. Perhaps Hanselman's right.

I think he was.

You've already seen a manifestation of empiricism.

The cult lives, it breathes, it spreads, it's... violence like a contagion, like

the plague.

My family has fought this corruption for generations.

Each time it was destroyed, so it has risen again, like the phoenix, but held

bent on revenge. Only this time.

This time, I believe it's not merely a personal vendetta, but something

infinitely more far -reaching.

The plague bacillus, Pelham House, the mental destruction of intellectuals,

as Professor Keeley and the others.

It is all an integral part of a means to a definite end.

The real force, the shadow I spoke of, is more sinister, more obscene than any

monstrosity you can think of.

Lord of corruption, master of the undead.

Count Dracula.

So rare is such a creature.

He should have been in that bloody cellar, Count.

My department is being closed down.

Orders of John Porter.

Half my staff have been arrested.

Two have been killed.

They've labelled us subversives and the heavies are damn well looking for us.

And all this because of a... a vampire?

For God's sake. Jessica, you should be resting.

I'm all right, Grandfather.

Thank you.

I destroyed Count Dracula once.

It was more than two years ago in Sir Bartolt's churchyard. This creature can

live again by reincarnation.

It requires a disciple, someone well -versed in the ritual.

The Chinese woman, Chun Ye?

Possibly.

She would have to know the exact location of Dracula's grave.

I passed the site of St. Bartolf's tonight.

The churchyard has long since vanished.

An office block has been built there now.

That new building is about two years old.

Well, if it's been there for two years... That means this thing has been

since then. So it would seem.

And those women in the cellar, their names have probably been on the files of

your Missing Persons Bureau for two years.

Anyway, that new office block belongs to the Denham Group of Companies.

Now, I don't know whether the fifth guest was D .D. Denham, but this I do

Vampires are spectral creatures.

Their image casts no reflection in a mirror.

Nor can the lens of a camera record their likeness.

So there was someone there.

Or something.

Your man Hudson saw it, but his camera couldn't record it.

How the hell do you fight a vampire?

Cloves of garlic.

There are many ways.

The symbols of good are used to combat the forces of evil.

The crucifix, the word of God, is written in the Holy Bible.

Clear, running water symbolizing purity.

And it lives in mortal dread of silver.

Anything else?

The hawthorn tree, which provided Christ with his crown of thorns. The light of

day. And a wooden stake driven through the heart.

What about the 23rd, the day that Keely... Yes, indeed, the 23rd of this

That, I fear, is the worst of all.

It is sabbat for the undead.

What significance has that?

There are satanic circles which govern our fate and the fate of the earth,

perhaps even the universe.

Now, throughout history, there are certain times and certain dates which

marked by awesome catastrophes.

Each event is carefully plotted and a definite pattern emerges.

Every disaster this world has ever suffered... coincides with the point

these circles meet and cross.

In this century alone, they heralded the outbreak of two devastating world wars.

And another disaster is imminent.

Could be.

The 23rd, that's the day after tomorrow.

This must happen tomorrow at midnight.

Might even sooner. At that hour, the devil holds a balance of power.

He marshals his disciples, the living and the dead.

In Satanic covens, it is a celebration of supreme blasphemy. The Sabbath for

undead. I've heard of the witch's sabbath. No, this date is much more

more profound.

Even more significant than the night of Alpurgis.

Achilles said the bacillus had to be ready by the 23rd.

Why?

The date chosen by Dracula himself.

The 23rd day of this 11th month.

The emerging pattern, you see.

The night of the soulless ones.

And in the turmoil and fear that follows, a group of warped men emerge to

control. A politician, a soldier, an industrialist, a landowner.

Dracula would eventually end up with a totally barren earth. With any disease

and dead bodies to feed on, surely even the vampire himself would perish.

Perhaps deep in his subconscious, that is what he really wants.

An end to it all.

He is a cursed immortal, existing on violence, fear and dread.

I suppose he... I just suppose he yearns for final peace.

What then?

He'd want to bring down the whole universe with him.

The ultimate revenge.

Thousands dying of the plague.

Like the shadow of death itself, one figure scything its way through the

and anguish.

Count Dracula.

It is the biblical prophecy of Armageddon.

Wow, that speech from the immortal Peter Cushing was the most exciting part of

this movie so far.

I say immortal because not only does he never age, he just stays old. And

apparently, he's bulletproof.

Oh, well, stick around. This movie may actually be on the upswing. Movie

will return after this.

Oh, welcome back, darling. You know, since I'm not really paying any

to this movie, I've decided to take the opportunity to answer some emails.

Elvira has tons of fans who just sit at home all day pounding away on their

laptops. Some of them even have computers.

Oh, gosh, here's one from IggyHump39 at aohell .com.

Elvira, I have to type this with my nose because of the special jacket the

doctor strapped me into.

Yeah, I hear you, Iggy. You should see him try to squeeze me into this dress.

I'm so glad you are showing the satanic rites of Dracula tonight. It is my

favorite movie of all time.

Hug? What a numbskull. I mean, this is the worst piece of crap ever made. Who

this guy, anyway?

I mean, he obviously has no taste at all.

P .S. You are my favorite actress of all time, too.

Oh, well.

Anything for you, Iggy.

Nothing at all.

It all seems so unbelievable by the light of day.

But it's not.

Hmm.

Well, what's going on?

Not doing any good hanging around here.

Professor Van Helsing is still at home. I'm with the colonel down in the car.

It's all this damned hanging around.

Yes, I know.

Well, they're alright, sir. A bit impatient, of course, but...

Colonel?

It'll be getting dark soon.

You should have heard something by now.

It's a sniper. Get down.

That was a bullet.

I didn't hear a shot. He's using a silencer.

Could be anywhere.

We'd better get the hell out of here if he gets us pinned down.

Run like hell.

Come on, Jessie, the road can't be far away.

So, Jessica, he's only playing with us.

He could pick us off at any time.

Now, come on.

Come on!

Thank God, the colonel's castle there. Come on.

Come on, colonel, let's get the engine started.

Let's get moving.

Good evening. I'd like to see Mr. Denham. Mr. D .D. Denham.

I'm sorry, sir. No one sees Mr. Denham. No one at all.

Ever. If you were to mention my name, I'm sure he'd see me. Van Helsing.

Waste of time, sir. I assure you.

Excuse me.

Security reception.

Yes, sir.

But my standing instructions... Yes, sir.

You ought to go up to Mr. Denham's private apartment, sir. Thank you.

Doesn't that thing make you feel self -conscious?

All part of the job.

Take the lift and press the red button.

It'll stop right outside his suite.

And, sir, you're not carrying a camera, are you?

My instructions... No. No camera.

Professor Van Helsing? Mr. Denham?

I have been expecting you.

I rather thought you might.

Please sit down.

I have been expecting

you ever since Julian Keeley took his own life.

Or was he murdered?

He was the servant of this foundation.

I am the master.

His nerves failed him.

The project he was working on was enough to shatter anyone's nerve.

It is merely a deterrent, nothing more.

There is a group of us who are determined that the decadence of the

can and will be halted.

A new political regime is planned to lend weight to one's arguments amid

the rush and whirl of humanity.

It is sometimes necessary to be persuasive.

Persuasive?

There are a few vague rituals, it is true.

A little occultism, a touch of mysticism at Pelham House.

Nothing more.

Evil begets evil.

There is an unholy aura in this place.

And it is not a question of a little occultism or a touch of mysticism, Mr.

Denham.

It is vampirism.

And there's a host of damned souls at Pelham House.

What are you going to do with me?

You can't let me go, can you?

I know too much.

You might have asked for it.

It's a bad habit, I know, but it helps me to concentrate.

Am I to suffer the same fate as Professor Keeley?

You are an interfering man, Professor.

Do not meddle, or you will have to deal with me.

You are Count Dracula.

Of course.

Mr. Denham, the powerful recluse.

Here you are safe.

No one expects to see him.

Not in the daytime.

Foolish man.

A bullet cannot harm me.

A silver bullet, Dracula.

He threatened you.

It cannot be made so simple for him.

Not for Van Helsing.

Nor for his granddaughter.

Where's Jessica?

I have her hidden away.

Well, I suggest you go and find her.

I will, I promise you.

But first you must help me.

Help you?

I too want to get away from this place. I'm as much a prisoner as you are.

Yeah, but you live here.

Not by choice.

Amen.

In God's name.

Yeah, I know I dozed off a few dozen times, but when does this movie turn

women's prison movie?

Well, stick around. There's more manacled, wet women to come.

Yeah, I know that, but they don't. They have to say something to get them back.

Okay, we in the homestretch now, kids.

Hopefully we'll actually see Dracula for more than a minute in this act.

I mean, I cannot wait to see how this movie ends.

Only because I can't wait to see it end.

Please, God.

Thank you.

On this, the eve of the Sabbath of the undead,

I call upon you to witness

my supreme triumph.

And, Helsing, I choose the spawn of your blood

to be my consort.

The instrument of my final conquest.

Swifter, more awesome than the Black Death.

The Plague.

In the first... Every muscle, every fiber will be afire

with torment and agony.

In the days to come, you will pray for death.

Release. And so you destroy every living soul on this earth.

They are left with an empty world to command.

Is that what you want, Count Dracula?

A last blaze of utter horror and violence.

The ghastly annihilation of an entire planet.

Is this your own death wish?

I have chosen four messengers of death.

Four horsemen of my created apocalypse.

Four carriers of the plague who will infect their miserable brethren.

You, Van Helsing, are now one of the four.

The body of your granddaughter will never be corrupted.

It will be her joy to walk at my side.

Four carriers?

Us? You mean us?

You said we would use the plague only as a deterrent. To hold governments to

ransom. You promised us power. We've served you faithfully. Silence!

The girl that you love is mine already. And through her you will yet do

my bidding.

Everything we did exactly as we were commanded in return you promise

You open 20 deals.

In your mouth.

There are many ways the symbols of good are used to combat the forces of evil.

The hawthorn tree which provided Christ with his crown of thorns.

Oh, oh, it's over?

Oh, wow. That was not how I recalled Britain in the 70s at all. I mean, I

recall much about the 70s, but I was there, and it was candy -colored.

Wow, this movie was a mess from the opening credits to Dracula dying in a

I mean, really?

Dracula was killed by a branch? I am so sure.

Well, the sets were made of wood, the actors were made of wood, and the climax

was literally made of wood.

Well, darlings, I don't know about you, but I got everything on my to -do list

done tonight.

Caught up on my laundry, paid some bills, read my stories, even finished

swell scarf I was knitting.

Just so I can call it a night and be proud of myself for being so productive.

Although I usually am pretty productive at night.

I'm just saying.

Till next time, darling.

Unpleasant dreams.