Original subtitles

Oh, like, oh, my God.

Have you ever?

It says here that Hunky McHunkerstein, Chase Scene, is a Gemini, loves long

walks in the moonlight, and is a former vegetarian.

Don't rule.

Like, for real.

I just love guys with little facial hair.

You know, everyone wants to be young nowadays.

I mean, everything is geared towards the teens and the queens and the spleens.

I'll tell you, though, you can't beat experience.

I mean, there's nothing like knowing your way around the block.

And kiddos, I knows my way around the block.

Why, I know every alley like the back of my hand.

Oh, hey, look, I have a little mole there.

And let me tell you, I love being in my early to late 20s.

You know, I still look like a teen, and yet I have decades more wisdom under my

belt. Which brings us to tonight's flick here on Good Old Movie Macabre. You

know, the gig that keeps me earning my keep.

Well, we're carting out that hormonally -driven, horror -classic teenagers from

outer space, or as I like to call them, the bonus brothers.

I kid, I kid.

Okay, those kids are all kinds of perfect. I mean, they sure ain't like

-year -olds I know. They have to be from another planet.

So this 1959 teeny -bopper blockbuster was so low -budge, it makes what they're

paying me look like Miley Cyrus' spare change.

Seriously, the aliens' costumes are nothing but masking tape, and their

are just like these dress shoes with socks pulled over their pant legs.

Can you say lame?

I said, can you say lame?

Lame.

Yeah, well, just don't say it about me.

This abomination of adolescent aliens was not only produced, not only written,

but directed by the same guy, some dude named Tom Graff.

Now, rumor has it that he's in this little opus, too. From where have you

learned such things?

Uh, from IMDB, pal.

Gotta do our research, you know.

So, when we see him, I'll point him out.

So, let's strap on our bobby socks and get ready to go steady with teenagers

from outer space.

Like... For sure!

Christmas ornaments for outer space!

Run, Toto, run!

Well done!

Report preliminary findings.

Thor reporting, 42 saturation degrees and 96 volumes.

Intermediate fluctuation in Marfon content.

Derek reporting, Tridex mixer components ratio exceeding 7 to 1 .4.

Moral reporting, diagonal adjustment reading resisting structural forms by 2

.0 vernums. Sol reporting, uneven cartoid levels intersect planes below

Surface readings register above minimum requirements.

Morrow, go below and bring up the young Gargan specimen.

Now the decision depends on its reactions.

Wait, Captain.

I have found evidence of intelligent beings on this planet.

Of what concern are foreign beings?

Of none to you, Thor.

Just as you were so unconcerned when you destroyed the small creature.

So bravely. It was no more than an insect.

But it had life.

And that life you had to take to satisfy your endless hunger for killing.

Silence, both of you.

Proceed, bring the gargon. That will not be necessary, Captain.

Conditions here will be reported as unsatisfactory, as they were on the

planets we have charted.

By what authority? You will prepare for takeoff.

The ship will leave this planet immediately. According to our code of

operations... You may forget the code of operations, Captain.

Only civilized beings could have made the inscription on this metal piece.

We shall not have the thousands of Gargons brought here to destroy them.

have concern for foreign beings over our mission to locate grazing land for our

Gargon herds?

Recall. It is necessary as a reserve food supply for our people. Our people?

We live like parts of a machine.

We don't know our fathers or mothers were raised in cubicles. The sick and

old are put to death. It is the one and only way to maintain the supreme race.

Have you forgotten? Our people have forgotten.

They have been made to forget for centuries.

But I have learned how it once was.

Families, brothers and sisters.

There was happiness.

There was love.

Of what do you speak?

From where have you learned such things?

I have read.

I have read from this book.

I discovered it and kept it hidden.

Somehow it survived the flames of the Annihilators when our people were turned

into mechanized slaves centuries ago. When we return to our planet, the High

Court may well sentence you to torture.

And death for this treason. The High Court may judge me after we have

accomplished our mission.

We will find an uninhabited planet to which the herds of gargants may be

without endangering civilized beings.

Let me see that book.

I am interested to see what sways your mind so heavily.

You may have it.

Bring up the gargon.

You are a fool, Derek.

This book has poisoned your mind and you shall suffer for it.

Captain, if the gargons are shipped here, the inhabitants may destroy them.

That possibility alone makes it worthwhile to locate an uninhabited

That book has indeed made you forget many things.

We are the supreme race.

We have the supreme weapons.

Keep him under guard, Thor.

I will study the reactions of the young Gargan.

Before the High Court has you executed, you should be made to watch what happens

when we return here with the Gargans.

By the elements alone, they will grow to millions of times their original size

in less time than it takes for the sun to rise and fall.

It thrives, Captain.

Already I can feel it has grown heavier.

We shall return to our base and lead the transport ships here.

Soon this planet will be covered with full -grown gargans.

A safe distance from our planet, yet their meat will be available to us for

harvesting.

Repack the instruments.

I shall radio back the news of our success.

Captain. Captain, something has gone wrong.

Look here. What? What has happened?

I do not know.

It suddenly fell limp.

And now... Yeah, nothing worse than a limp gorgon. Look in the gas grating

instruments. Be quick.

The atmosphere here tested above minimum, but the Gargan species cannot

to excessive nitrogenic gas compounds emitted in our preliminary diagnosis.

Then this planet will be reported as unsuitable?

Repack the instruments and prepare for takeoff.

We will continue our search in another solar system.

And when we return to our home base, you will be presented to the High Court

with the evidence against you.

Thor, Saul, bind the prisoner and prepare him for the isolation chamber.

I will make contact with base.

Woo -wee! It's time for the boiling water! Collect the melted butter sauce!

Nutcrackers! Bins! Stop!

So, let's get this straight. Their villainous plan is to supply the Earth

thousand -foot lobsters. I mean, that just means they're going to be a

clambake. The only loser here would be Maine.

And which one of these guys is the teenager from outer space?

I mean, the youngest one, Derek, is like 32.

And what kind of name is Derek for an alien anyway? I mean, you got Moore, you

got Sarr, Thor, all good respectable alien names. And Derek?

Though, for a foreign being, he is kind of dreamy. Of what concern are foreign

beings? Well, if they're young, handsome, like lobster dinners, and

to animals, or at least to their skeletons, and have respect for human

they are of great concern.

I have never been afraid to rock the cradle, if you know what I mean, Derek.

The sick and the old are put to death.

Who are you calling old?

Listen here, you young whippersnapper. When you're 18 and in your own galaxy,

then you can do what you want. But as long as you live here under my solar

system, you'll do as exactly as I say.

All I'm asking is that when you're old enough to make your own decisions,

have the good sense to stop wearing suits with masking tape on them.

Oy, kids.

Well, stick around. There's more 30 -something... I mean, teenagers from

space right after this.

Hey, kids, what time is it? It's...

Right. It's everyone's favorite hip show for teens and tweens. That's so Elvira

with a chance.

The madcap adventures of a popular tween girl.

That's me. And her crazy dual life as both high school student and mistress of

the dark. It's full of hip songs and hot clothes.

And you can catch it, like the plague, 14 times a week on the Disney Channel.

And now you can be in the Elvira fan club and be a lousketeer.

So much fun. You'll be the coolest kid in your class.

Now, let's get back to our dreamy teen, Derek, and the other teenagers from

outer space.

Expedition Z06 to base.

Expedition Z06 to base. Guard him. I will get the straps.

Lie down.

Put your hands behind you.

Ooh, I think I'm trading in. Thor's my favorite now.

The orders are complete.

He is escaping!

Go, Saul!

Don't run!

Listen to the burning bush!

How did he get free?

He escaped from Saul.

I could have stopped him.

Derek is to be brought back alive.

He is the son of our leader.

Derek? I reported his actions and was connected with the leader himself.

He told me this.

He said Derek does not know.

As the son of our leader, the High Court will pardon him.

He will be pardoned.

When the sky is light, we will begin to search for him. Captain, look at this.

The Gargan.

It is not dead.

It has revived.

It flourishes.

The excessive nitrogenic gas compound shocked its system.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

Then this planet is suitable.

Completely.

I must resume radio vision contact.

Morrow, Saul, secure the Gargon by expandable leg bands.

Out of sight in that cave.

The size it attains by the time we return will give us an exact growth rate

expect of the herds.

At the rate the Gargon is expected to grow, what will prevent it from tearing

loose the leg bands?

And escaping from the cave.

We shall be back before that happens.

Unless it should receive food in excess of the atmospheric elements.

We will leave nothing else for it to consume.

Imagine.

Thousands of beasts like that.

Millions of times enlarged.

Roaming over this planet.

They will be harvested from the air.

So there will be no danger to us.

Let us be quick. I do not like to look upon it.

Yeah, we have to fit through it.

Now that you report the planet is suitable for our purposes, you are to

here immediately and prepare to leave the transport ships there.

Derek's escape could now mean difficulty in our operation should he communicate

in any way with the inhabitants, inferior though they may be.

If we are to return now, how can he be stopped?

Leave your best man to find Derek and inform him he is my son.

I will join you on the return trip to meet him there.

He may be stubborn.

He has already threatened our lives.

If that becomes the case, he... He must be destroyed.

And any beings with whom he might communicate, they must be destroyed.

Your orders are complete.

I shall send my best man.

And I'll send my bridesmaid.

I heard the orders, Captain.

Let me...

Fine, Derek.

You will wait until the sky is light enough to begin the search.

We will leave now and return here to meet you when we bring the gargants.

Do not fail, Thor.

I shall not fail.

Oh, this movie is dumber than Lindsay Lohan.

Oh, I'm sorry. That's not fair.

To the movie.

So, now Derek the Hottie from the heavens is on the run and Thor is on the

He thinks he's Thor. Try sitting on your ass for two hours watching this crap.

That'll make you Thor.

Well, stick around. There's more teens from outer space after this.

Why am I still talking like this?

Welcome back, darling. It's me, that overdeveloped wallflower just asking to

plucked. Elvira, Mrs. of the Dark. And we are up to our asteroids in the 1959

pop sensation Teenagers from Outer Space.

Why, this movie was the twilight of its day.

Teen girls all over America were siding on either Team Derek or Team Thor. And

most adults were yelling things like, It'll rot your brain.

Don't sit too close. Read a book. She's trouble. Those aren't real.

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Can I help you, sir?

Yes, I... Would... Would you tell me the meaning of the inscription

on this metal piece?

Sparky.

1243 Willowcrest Drive.

That's just three blocks down there and a few doors up. You can't miss it.

Hey!

Watch what you're doing there.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I was just trying to make out what kind of clothes that guy was wearing.

Looks like some kind of military uniform.

Wonder where he's from.

Could be from Mars, for all I care. Hurry up there, boy, will you? I haven't

all day.

Hop in. I'll give you a lift.

Lift? Well, it's a long way into town.

Okay, it's all right with me. Wait!

Never saw a uniform like that before.

What brings you here?

I am searching for someone. Maybe I can help you.

Know a lot of folks around these parts.

I am searching for someone you could not know.

I put Sparky's breakfast out 20 minutes ago, Grandpa, and it's still here.

He's probably still out chasing gobers.

Hello.

You've come to see our room for rent?

What's that?

A fellow to see the room for rent, Grandpa.

You show it to him, will you? Joe will be by for me in a minute. We're going

swimming at Alice's and I haven't even changed yet.

Well, come on in.

I'm Betty Morgan and this is my grandfather.

Now, how do you do, son?

Oh, hey, he's giving you the finger. Oh, no, he's not.

Don't believe I've seen you around before.

I just arrived.

And your name?

Derek.

Derek. The empty room belonged to my brother, Bud.

He's married now and lives upstate.

Your brother?

You knew your brother?

Did I know my brother?

That's a strange question to ask.

Grandpa raised us both since we were kids after Mom and Dad died.

I'm sorry.

It's just that I never knew any brothers or sisters.

Your mother and father decided to play it smart and avoid a lot of squabbles

around the house. Oh, Grandpa.

I never knew my mother or father.

Well,

let's take a look at the room. And if you like it, you're welcome to stay.

It's this way. I'll show it to you. Hey, I thought you were getting ready to go

swimming. Oh, that can wait.

Right in here, Derek. I hope you like the view. There are plenty of windows.

What's the matter? You act like you've never seen the inside of an automobile

before.

What is this?

The gear shift.

Where have you been all your life?

The gear shift.

Tell me what it is for.

Now, look, mister. I didn't offer you a ride to give no driving lesson.

Tell me!

Sure, sure.

I didn't mean anything.

Here's the clutch. When I push it in, I change gears.

Low, second, and high.

And to halt the vehicle?

When I want to stop, I press the brake. Right here.

And this?

The starter and ignition switch.

And the fuel? What does it use?

Are you kidding?

Gasoline, of course.

Here's the gas pedal right here.

Hmm, it's about time I have the tank filled.

was from Grandpa.

He just said he was from very far away.

He did, huh?

Well, maybe he doesn't like to talk about where he's from.

By the looks of his outfit, I'd say he's raised in a private school of some

sort.

Well, Grandpa, if he just got into town and can't pay the rent until he gets a

job or something, would... Well, what do you say, young man? What do you think

of the room?

You... Will let me live here with you?

Well, sure.

That's why we had the sign -up.

That's why you came here, wasn't it?

Not exactly.

Derek, I was just talking to Grandpa.

Well, if you don't have the rent money right away, that could wait until he

a job, couldn't it, Grandpa?

Why, sure. That's all right with me, Betty.

But then if he doesn't like the room...

I like it here very much.

I would like to stay.

Fine. I'll go out and take down the sign.

You can use the phone to have your bags brought over.

My bags?

I have nothing else.

No other clothes or anything?

We were not allowed to.

I mean, my uniform is all I have.

Gosh, you've got to have more than that.

Bud left some of his clothes in the closet, Grandpa. Couldn't Derek use some

them? Of course, my dear. Bud wouldn't mind a bit, I'm sure.

Oh, gosh. Nah, he won't mind another man wearing his clothes.

Just socks, underwear, whatever.

Hi there, Joe. Hi, Gramps.

Betty, I'm afraid I can't make this... Whoop, whoop, whoop, director alert!

Got a sudden assignment for the paper.

Oh, gosh, what now, Joe?

I have a list of folks to interview. Say they saw a new flying saucer last

night. That sounds like it might take you all day.

I hope not. I'll call you as soon as I get through, okay?

Okay, Joe.

I guess a reporter's life can be pretty hectic.

You never know when a new story will break.

I was just thinking.

Maybe Derek would like to go swimming if you let us borrow the car.

Betty would at that.

If you don't think Alice would mind.

You don't know Alice. I won't be able to keep him apart.

Hey, what's going on in town anyway, mister? A convention or something?

What? For those clothes you're wearing. I talked to a guy this morning who was

wearing the same kind of outfit.

Maybe the guy you're looking for, huh?

You spoke to him?

What did he tell you? Where did he go?

Hey, what's the matter with you?

Hey, take your hands off me. You will tell me what he said to you. Oh, why

should I?

Hey, who do you think you are anyway?

Answer me or I destroy you.

He came here with a dog tag.

Wanted to know about the address and I told him how to find it. Where?

Where did you send him? It was an address on Willowcrest Drive.

1243, I think. Tell me how to get there.

Just drive down there about three blocks. That's Willowcrest.

1243. It's only a few doors up.

the brake on so hard, Derek. That is, unless you want us to go through the

windshield every time.

I have never piloted a vehicle like this before.

I will try again.

This time, pull in there. That's Alice's house.

Ooh, Alice is loaded.

Oh, much better.

Wait, Betty.

Yes, Derek? What is it?

When I came to your place, it was because of...

Yes. I had just arrived here. I did not know where else to go, but everything

was so strange to me.

I'm glad you came.

So is Grandpa.

Without any family or friends, you wouldn't like it at a hotel or any place

that.

Come on. I hope Alice can dig up some swim trunks for you.

Who's the stranger?

Joe couldn't make it, Alice. I talked Derek into coming along.

Derek, this is Alice.

Derek! Hey, I like that.

Come on in. The water's fine.

Well, we need a pair of swim trunks. I couldn't find any at my house.

No problem at all. He can wear a pair of my father's.

The folks are gone today and so are the servants.

We have the whole place to ourselves.

Where are the trunks, Alice?

Hanging up right over there.

They look a little large for you, Derek.

Maybe you better put them on with some clothespins, too, just in case.

I guess it's safe to try them on anyway. Over there at the bathhouse.

What was that?

Don't worry, I'll get it.

That is what I wanted to tell you about.

The reason I came to your place when I did not know where else to go.

Heck, I thought it was a 50 -cent piece at least.

That looks like... What is?

It's Sparky's.

Sparky's dog tag.

Where on earth did you find it?

When I first arrived, I was with some others.

One of them destroyed a small creature.

Later, I found that among the remains.

You mean somebody killed Sparky?

Oh, no, Derek, it can't be true. Why would anyone want to kill Sparky?

Betty, I'm sorry.

Tell me who did it, Derek.

They are gone now.

Only I remained.

But I don't understand.

Where is Sparky?

Will you take me to where it happened?

I'll get dressed and come with you.

No, Alice, please.

You stay here.

We'll see you later.

Oh, well, so Derek didn't come into town alone.

If you're looking for him, he isn't here now.

He and Betty, that's my granddaughter, they went over to the Woodwards.

Why don't you go on over there?

No doubt they'd be glad to have you joined in the fun.

Yes.

How do I go there?

The Woodwards are straight on down the street about three miles, just before

get to the park.

Got the biggest house in the block down there. You can't miss it.

I'm going to tell you everything about...

Don't believe I've seen uniforms like yours before.

Hmm, military secret, eh?

Well, it doesn't matter.

Derek didn't say where he's from either.

Well, let me keep you. You're probably anxious to see him.

Where is he, Derek?

You don't mean those old bones.

You can see they've been here for a very long time.

No. It was among these remains that I found the metal inscription.

But this couldn't be Sparky.

I know. He must have been here and his collar tag fell off. That's all.

You are not familiar with the focusing disintegrator ray?

The what?

It projects an isolated beam which separates the molecules of living

chain reaction.

All but the solids, the skeletal braces.

Horrible.

And you mean sparky?

But... Over there is what happened when the same beam was aimed at me.

It missed and that is what is left.

Heavens, Derek.

You've got to explain it to me.

Why were they doing this?

Where were they from? How did you... We... Betty, tell me.

What is the most advanced form of transportation that you know?

What do you mean? What's that got to do with it? Please, tell me, Betty.

Airplanes. Jet airplanes, I guess. Why?

And... Oh, good guess.

To anywhere in the world.

And that's all?

Where else is there to go?

I should not have brought you here.

Is it about a new secret weapon?

Something you and the others invented and then they turned against you?

It is something like that.

I guess I should try to find someone I can explain it to.

Maybe Professor Simpson at the college.

He's head of the science department.

He will...

What is it, Derek?

Betty, when you learn where I'm from, well, you may not understand, but

I hope it will not make any difference between us, because... I don't care

where you're from.

I don't understand all this, but somehow I feel that I've always known you.

But we've never been apart.

I...

Let us go to the professor you speak of.

We have to pass the house first so I can change.

What was that?

Did you hear a sound?

No.

Only the wind.

What sort of sound?

Nothing.

Imagination alarmed me.

Come, let us be on our way.

Okay. Every teen in this movie is on Ritalin. I mean, there isn't a pulse of

life in any of these cats.

Well, except for this chick. Hi there!

Who's the stranger?

Oh, no stranger in you, sister.

You know, getting through this thing is like taking the SATs. You're all locked

in a room till it's over, some tight -ass broad is monitoring you, and you

jump ahead till the end.

Well, good thing I did really well on the oral portion of the exam.

I'll be back in a moment with more Movie Macabre.

Greetings, Earthlings.

You are being held captive as we torture your eyeballs with one of the worst

films ever made. The horrible, atrocious, downright lousy teenagers

space.

Now, to get you up to speed with this slow -moving disaster, a small band of

aliens arrive in the California desert testing the environment for suitable

living conditions.

Not for them, for their shellfish.

You see, the team wants to use Earth as a breeding ground for 1 ,000 -foot

lobsters. So when one of the aliens, Derek, realizes that the Earth is

by smart creatures, I mean, well, at least not the ones who watch this show,

refuses to allow the team to leave their crustaceans here. He revolts. And

speaking of revolting, Derek finds his way into the life of some Betty Page

wannabe with no upper lip and her grandpa, who has a serious case of

the mouth.

And, of course, the nastiest alien on the team is on the hunt.

Derek and the bimbo decide to talk to a scientist at the local college, because,

of course, they know everything, to see if there's any way to stop these aliens.

Dum -dum -dum!

And I do mean dum.

Well, hello.

What can I do for you?

You are alone?

Could be.

Where are the others? The ones who were with you?

Why do you want to know that?

Tell me where they are.

Say, who are you anyway?

Never mind.

Just tell me.

They left here.

They're gone.

Where did they go?

I think you better get out of here before I call the police. You will call

one. You will do as I say.

That's what you think, mister.

I said you will call no one.

Grandpa was asleep, so I left a note so he'll know where we went.

If I know Grandpa, we'll be back before he even wakes up.

Yeah, if he wakes up.

Hello?

Hello, Gramps? This is Joe. Betty there?

No, she and Derek went out over to the Woodward's pool.

You can probably reach her over there.

Derek? Who's Derek?

Oh, you haven't met him yet, have you?

He rented Bud's old room this morning.

Seems like a nice fellow.

Oh? Well, the reason I called, I wanted to tell Betty I stumbled onto a double

murder story that may keep me longer, but, well, after I get the story into

paper, I'll go on over to Alice's and see her there.

A double murder, Joe? When was it? Where? We're not sure yet, Gramps.

only a couple of skeletons.

We'll know more when the coroner gets here.

Joe! Joe, I just found a note. Joe!

Hello, hello.

My golly, you missed them at the pool, huh?

Sure am sorry.

Betty left me a note.

Now they've gone over to the college to see Professor Simpson.

Where can we find Professor Simpson?

This is his office, but he hasn't come in yet.

Let's wait for him in the faculty parking lot. It's just around the

You may wait here if you like.

No, thank you. We'll wait outside.

Good morning, Hilda.

Oh, good morning, Professor Simpson.

Have the aptitude questionnaires come in?

They're probably still and mimeographing. I'll go down and see if

That's Professor Simpson's office. The third door down.

He's head of the science department.

Well, that looks like Professor Simpson's car right there.

He must be somewhere else on campus. We'd better go back to his office and

Hello? This is Simpson, science department.

I... Put that down.

What is the meaning of this? Do as I say.

Who are you?

Where is he?

The one who came with information for you.

Who? Why is everyone talking like this? No mistake.

Where did he go?

Out there? I don't know what you're talking about. You will speak to no one

else.

We found his car, so... Yes, I know. He came in right after you left.

Oh,

Derek.

Oh, it's some kind of foolish joke.

I'm not going to keep a job where this sort of thing goes on.

Oh, you think you're better than me? I want to believe what I'm thinking isn't

true, but... It was a focusing disintegrator.

Then whoever killed Sparky... But you said they'd gone.

For some reason, they want to stop me.

Somehow we were traced here.

I want you to get in your vehicle and go to a place where you will be safe.

But how could they... Grandpa.

I left a note for Grandpa.

They must have... Oh, Derek.

I will go to your place. No. They may be waiting for you there.

I can call Grandpa.

Oh, Grandpa, thank heavens.

Derek, he's all right.

Betty, what is it, child? What's the matter?

Grandpa, was somebody there? Somebody you told we were at the college?

Oh, yes, a friend of Derek's. Did he find you okay?

He's a murderer. He killed Professor Simpson, Grandpa.

He's after Derek, and he's probably on the way back to the house right now. A

murderer? But are the police... Don't argue, Grandpa. Just get out of there.

We're going to the City Hall police station right now. Meet us there.

Don't worry about me, Betty. I'll leave right away.

Goodbye, honey.

I'd better call the police and let them know we're coming.

With what weapons are they equipped?

Well, guns. Why?

Guns that emit what?

Bullets. What do you mean?

Bullets.

Centuries -old invention against... Hello, operator.

Give me the police department. Hurry.

Yes, we'll be there right away. Thank you.

Betty, tell me how to go there.

I want you to go somewhere else where you will be safe.

We're safer than the city hall.

The police said they're going to have armed guards waiting for us on the front

steps. I told them we'd be right there.

Let's hurry.

What do you want?

I spoke to my granddaughter.

You're not getting any help from me. Did they return here?

Tell me.

I have no reason to harm your granddaughter.

But if you do not tell me... You can kill Derek?

Why should you care about him?

Why shouldn't I?

Why do you want to kill him?

I... It is important only that he leave here. That I return him to where he

belongs. And where is that?

From where he escaped.

I need not harm anyone if you tell me where he is.

If you do not, there will be many deaths.

Beginning with you, now.

He's not here. He's in the center of the city. Where?

Take me there.

You will pilot the vehicle. Go.

Be swift.

Alice?

Betty?

Anybody here?

Holy mackerel.

That's no mackerel, pal.

You think the tip might have been a phony, Mac?

Don't think so, Harry.

The girl who called seemed to know what she was talking about.

Another call, Mac.

Joe Rogers, reporter on the Daily News.

He's on the way over.

Found another skeleton.

Only this time at the bottom of a swimming pool.

Oh, those crazy teens, always turning trannies into skeletons and leaving them

at the bottom of a swimming pool.

I tell ya, kids today, why in my day we never used ray guns to incinerate human

flesh. No siree, we didn't have it that easy.

Why, if we wanted to fry the meat off a human and leave its bones to rot, we had

to do it the old -fashioned way. We had to use a magnifying glass and get the

sun just...

That's right.

Ah, those kids today with all their newfangled thingamabobs. No appreciation

the old ways.

Yeah, stick around. We'll be back with more movie macabre right after these

messages.

In my day, we didn't have messages. We had to send all our commercials out by

Pony Express.

Yeah, we had to walk ten miles.

OMG, like I know, right?

I was all, hey, and then he was all, hey, and then I just could have died.

I mean, and then he just, like, tore up in his shirt and everything.

Oh, Maritza, hold on for a second. I have another call.

Hello?

Oh,

breather, is that you? Like, give me a break, why don't you? I'm in the middle

of an important discussion.

Oh, Elvira, I got a really good joke for you.

Will you just make it quick?

Okay, did you hear about the teenage girl who made French toast?

No, I didn't hear about the teenage girl who made French toast.

She got her tongue.

Caught in the toaster.

Get it? She got her tongue caught in the toaster.

Ugh.

Nah, nah, wrong number. So anyway, Bentley was like taking off his shirt

was right there, you know. Oh my God, I was dying.

It was so cool. You had to be there.

The city hall is just up ahead of the next block.

Oh, I hope Grandpa's there waiting for us safe and sound.

What are you doing be silent continue ahead

You

stay

here in the car you'll be safe he's after me not you

He must have slipped off that way. Come on.

Stay undercover.

Betty, thank the Lord you're safe.

I just came from Alice's. There was a skeleton in the pool. Alice?

Oh, no.

We came to meet Grandpa.

The murderer came in the car with him. What?

But how did you get mixed up in this? Since he killed Sparky out by the old

mine. He's an insane killer, Joe. And he forced Gramps to drive here?

Where is Gramps? Is he okay? Yes, he's... Well, there he is trying to get

the street.

You stay put.

I'll go over and help him across.

What are you doing down here? Go into the building. That is the safest place.

Look.

Here on the sidewalk, drops of blood.

Betty, go into the building.

Derek.

Give me the weapon you have, Derek.

Slowly.

One sudden move and I slay you both. Derek.

Derek, do as he says.

Get in.

You will take me to a man of surgery to remove the metal pellets from my flesh.

That is not possible.

Yes, we must.

We must do as he says.

I know a doctor's office. We'll take him there.

She is very wise.

Now go.

That's Dr.

Brandt there. He looks like he's leaving. Stop him. Block his path.

Is there some emergency?

I have a house call to make.

Office hours don't begin for another hour. Go inside, all of you.

I say, what is this?

He's holding a gun on us, Dr. Brandt.

We had to bring him here.

He wants bullets removed.

I see.

I'm afraid I cannot be of any help. You will need hospital facilities for

anything else. Be silent and get inside.

You will remove the pellets here, now.

Leave these people alone, Thor.

Where is our ship?

I will take you there.

No, it is gone.

Do as I say.

Derek, please.

Doctor, you must try.

You will have to lie down here. I will prepare an anesthetic. The pain will be

great. What's so great about pain?

You will simply remove the pellets.

Both of you, sit there.

I shall keep you covered.

Take heed.

One treacherous move and they pay with their lives.

Now proceed.

Thor, tell me why you have been searching for me.

It must have been important for you to have the Gargana to be raised here.

You could not be allowed to run free.

But the specimen reaction was negative.

It was verified positive after you escaped.

The captain should have let me kill you when I had a chance.

And why didn't he?

I saw him stop you when you fired at me.

Because...

Because he just learned that you were the son of our leader.

Come back.

I'll find you. You cannot get away.

I was terrified he'd see us before we got out of there.

He may yet. Get in. I will take you back to the police. In his present

condition, he cannot remain conscious long. By the time we return with the

police, he should be completely helpless.

Derek, what was he talking about?

The guard on to be raised here and you, the son of the leader.

You said you didn't know your father.

I did not know the things he said.

I thought they'd gone.

I wanted to forget them forever.

But now I know.

They plan to return.

And so do we, after these messages.

Welcome back, darling. It's me, the gal who put the Wii... in tween, Elvira,

Mistress of the Dark.

Now, just because I tend to like boys at the peak of their prowess doesn't make

me a cougar.

Well, okay, I suppose it does.

But, hey, they say men are the hottest when they're in their teens.

And when teenage boys see me, they think, statue -esque.

Or was that statue Tori? Oh, well.

We're going through puberty with those acne -riddled aliens here on Movie

Macabre, the teenagers from outer space.

Yeah, I'd love to tell you the plot, but just like a moody 13 -year -old, I

cannot figure out this one for the life of me.

As long as their butts are tight, then this movie's worth sticking around for

till the end.

Hey, wait a minute. I'm going with you.

Where? To the old mine shaft.

How did you hear about that?

The old fellow inside.

He's been telling us everything he can think of.

Mentioned that's where you were going.

Okay, hop in.

Maybe something will turn up out there.

You're in here?

I know you are.

I'll find you.

My nurse, Miss Moss. She'll be arriving for

office hours.

I can hear you.

I can hear you breathing.

You cannot escape me.

I'll find you.

I'll find you. I'll find you. I'll find you.

Dr. Brandt! Dr. Brandt!

He's already left?

Dr. Brant's office.

Miss Moss, thank heavens I've reached you. This is Dr. Brant. Where are you,

doctor? There's an emergency patient here. I've done all I can. Listen, Miss

Moss. He's a murderer.

He held hostages at gunpoint to force me to remove bullets.

We were fortunate in escaping.

You must get out of there.

A murderer?

We're sending the police, but if you treat it in, he could revive at any

Yes, doctor.

I'll leave immediately.

You will come with me. Put that down. Miss Moss.

What is it? Drop it, I said.

What do you want?

You will help me to escape.

Go out.

That vehicle.

Is that how you arrived?

Yes, that's my car.

Get in.

You will take me where I say.

If you disobey, you will be killed.

The police are on the way, Dr. Brand.

They... It's no use.

I was too late.

They're gone.

Thor has escaped?

But how could he?

You said he would be helpless. Without aid. But my nurse, she didn't know.

She bandaged him.

Gave him an injection.

He revived.

You've got to tell the police. They might be able to do something.

I'll tell them.

I'll tell them what happened.

Don't worry, Derek.

Laura will be caught.

They're sure to find him eventually.

It is what I know is coming here.

The Gargan.

They are small when young, but they can attain the size of this building in no

more than a day.

But can't you stop them?

The only chance is to duplicate the operation of the disintegrator.

How can that be done?

The men of science here might be able to do it if they could get Thor's as a

model.

If only there is enough time.

You know, I don't get this guy.

I don't get your glittery suit. Seems to like killing.

There's more to it than that, Joe.

There's something behind this. Something we don't understand.

The weapon he uses, it's unheard of.

Blasting flesh right off the bones.

Look at that tree over there.

Used it for target practice by the looks of it.

I don't know.

Let's take a look in the old cave.

Where are we going?

You've got to tell me.

It is not far now.

You can't escape.

The police will find you. Possibly they will.

But barricaded in the mouth of a cave with you as hostage and me with this...

How long do you think you can hold out that way? Long enough.

There will not be too long to wait.

Bring your flash bulbs up here. This tunnel is black as pitch.

Okay, I'll be right up.

I see you do not value your life.

He's getting away. Follow him. No.

Dare refuse.

Are you hurt badly?

I don't think so.

Just bruised.

Oh, thank you. I'm not a doctor. I'm just a nurse. It was like a nightmare.

I wish it was over.

What do you mean?

Back in the cave where he shot at me. Some kind of man -eating monster.

Poor Mac, the guy I was with. I could hear the thing tearing him apart.

He was dead in a few seconds.

Oh, how horrible.

What could it have been?

I don't know.

But whatever it is, I'm afraid the nightmare has just begun.

The man guilty of these strange killings now lies mute in confinement at General

Hospital, where he is being treated for minor injuries.

Authorities plan to transfer him to city jail tonight.

The fantastic murder weapon he used... General Hospital?

City jail?

Oh, my favorite soap.

...the disappearance of a man -eating beast said to have been in an abandoned

mine shaft outside the city limits.

These newsreel shots were made immediately after the city police

cave and found it completely empty.

Evidence in the cave appeared to confirm the report that a monster of some sort

had been shackled there, but had somehow attained strength enough to pull itself

loose and escape.

Groups of armed volunteers have set out in search of the creature, hoping to

track it down and destroy it.

Meanwhile...

Thor Christ

just below here.

If that disintegrator is down there, I'm going to find it.

No, Betty, go back. It's too dangerous for you to... We can find that thing

twice as fast if we both look.

But I like you very much.

In a moment, the moon will come from behind a cloud.

It'll be easier to see what we're looking for.

Yes.

The light from your moon, it will help.

My moon?

Where are you from, dearie?

I think I know.

I think I've known for some time.

You're not from this world, are you?

I did not know how to...

Impossible to believe.

You're so much like us.

Like my brother, grandpa when he was young.

And to think.

We were made the same.

The only difference is that we were put on places far, far apart.

What is it like where you're from?

Babies are bred and raised like livestock, parented by the most perfect

specimens of our race.

If you become ill, you are put to death, as are the old.

You won't be going back ever, will you?

I shall make the earth my home, and I shall never, never leave

it.

The moon has come from behind the cloud.

Derek.

The cricket.

It's so quiet.

The garden. Get back.

There it is, Derek.

It was under the rock. Derek.

Shoot it, Derek. Shoot it. It won't work. Run. Go start the motor. Hurry.

I have found the damaged part.

Such a little thing.

And yet it has the power to destroy as it does.

It is worthless.

Unless I can figure out an energy substitute.

Maybe it won't come into the city, Derek.

It will come to the city.

For more food, if nothing else.

This is Johnson at Station 86, out by the hills, due northeast.

There's some kind of a monster. It suddenly bobbed up and seemed to touch

sky.

I have not been drinking.

No, I can't see it now. It must be behind the hills, but I'm getting out of

here.

The few remaining survivors of the search party that was attacked report

the beast they encountered was many times the size they expected, indicating

that the monster has some strange power of rapid growth.

An exact description was... We have a bulletin just received.

According to a report not yet confirmed, a beast of seemingly gigantic

proportions has been sighted lurking in the hills due northeast of town.

City officials have called for military help.

Planes and troops are expected to arrive within the next two hours.

Meanwhile, citizens should take refuge in places of safety.

Cellars, bomb shelters, as directed by civil defense administrators.

I repeat.

Derek, they say it's coming.

It has grown. It's just northeast of town.

I'd better wake up Grandpa. We'll all go down to the cellar. You go there with

him.

There is a chance I can do something yet.

What?

What are you looking at?

Those wires.

Going from pole to pole.

They carry the source of energy used for illumination and power in the homes.

Yes, electricity.

And the wires are spread throughout the city, are they not?

You mean... You might be able to make the disintegrator work by hooking it

Possibly.

If the power were great enough.

It's the only chance, so I've got to try it. I can help, Derek. I'm going with

you. What's going on?

What's all the commotion about?

Grandpa, Derek and I are going out to the edge of town. Wait for us here.

First I must put the disintegrator back together, and then find proper tools. I

can load the car with every tool we have in the garage.

All right, then.

Let us go.

you in the cellar, Gramps, with Betty. What makes you think Betty's in the

cellar? She's out somewhere with Derek again.

Everybody's supposed to take shelter. The monster from the cave, it's

approaching the town. Huh?

Then that's where they must have gone, those crazy kids.

Joe, we've got to try and find them.

You mean they... Come on, then. Let's go.

You drive away.

You can't cut live wires.

Operator, this is an emergency. You must connect me with the city electrical

generating plant. Hurry!

You must do as I say.

The monster is coming towards the town.

I'm at North Ridge Road.

We have a weapon here that might be able to stop it if we can connect it to the

power lines. Who is this? I'll have to check with... You have to believe me.

There's no time to check with anybody.

Up there. That looks like them.

Derek is climbing down a pole. And look what's coming.

We're not going to make it in time.

Restore the power. It is ready.

Hello? Turn the power back on. Okay.

It is not enough.

It is not enough power.

Can you boost the power any...

I'll try to speed up the generators.

Derrick seems to have some kind of weapon, but it's not doing anything.

If only there were more

power, Betty.

Is there any way to generate more power?

We've got to have more.

I could join in more circuits, but it may blow up the line.

You can turn the weapon over to the scientists now.

It is too late.

You mean they're coming?

Already?

Your people are here for you. I must leave.

They will take care of you.

But, Derek, you promised.

You said... I know what I must do.

You must not interfere.

Betty. Thank heaven you're all right.

That book has indeed made you forget many things.

We are the supreme race.

We have the supreme weapons.

Somehow I feel as if I've always known you.

But we've never been apart.

were the son of our leader.

You won't be going back ever, will you?

How did he get a weapon like that?

Makes me think of what the killer used.

It is the same thing.

But who is he?

Where did he come from, anyway?

Someplace none of us has ever heard of before, Joe.

What do you mean?

Clear from another planet.

Far out in space.

Hey, wait a minute.

Betty, this is no time to be joking.

I'm not joking.

Where do you think the monster came from? And the man who was doing all the

killing and the unheard of weapon he used?

But how did they... They came in a spaceship of some sort. Whatever those

told you they saw last night.

The flying saucer?

And I thought those people were seeing things.

They weren't.

Derek looked into the sky just before he left here.

Somehow, he could tell more on the way.

He must be in the house. There's our car.

Goodbye, Betty.

No, Derek, no.

You are Joe.

I want you to take me somewhere in your vehicle.

What makes you think I will? You refuse to take me?

That's right.

I'm staying right here. You will do as I say. No, Derek, this isn't you.

Do not interfere, Betty. I beg you.

Get in.

Take me to where they are keeping the prisoner. The killer?

He's at General Hospital, but... Then take me there.

Joe, don't! The disintegrator, it won't... Betty!

Trust me, Betty.

Trust me.

Derek seemed like such a nice fellow.

Grandpa, he promised me something.

He promised he would never leave.

That he would never go back.

I don't believe he wants to break his promise to me.

I'm not going to let him.

What can you do about it, honey?

I think I know where he's going.

Out by the old mine.

I want to go there.

I want to see him once more.

He's hurt you enough, Betty.

Grandpa, please let me go. I must.

The prisoner is in this building.

Looks like they haven't transferred him to city jail yet. What are you planning

to do? Never mind.

Just get out of the car and walk in front of me.

Do not move.

I will take the prisoner.

Get their guns.

Hand them to me.

Now get in.

You face the wall.

Keep your hands above your heads.

I was stupid, Thor.

Very stupid.

But that is over.

We are returning to meet the ships.

Together. Why do you let them live?

Kill them.

There is no need.

They will be dead soon enough.

Along with everything else on this planet.

Go.

Look, that's what he meant.

I can't walk.

What is it, Blanche? My begonia. Hold me.

made you think he was coming here?

Because they're coming.

Told me they'd be coming.

Told me he wouldn't go back with them.

That he'd stay.

That he wanted to stay.

Betty, let me take you back home.

No, Grandpa. Look, here comes Joe's car.

Gramps, what are you doing here? Why do you concern yourself with them?

Destroy them.

Why, Thor?

They cannot change what is going to happen.

What is going to happen, Derek?

You must understand.

Death must come to all.

Sooner to some, later to others.

The guide ship is about to land.

We must go to meet it. You promised, Derek. Don't you remember your promise?

I have not forgotten it.

We call that the guide ship.

And it looks like there are a hundred more still in the sky.

What are they going to do?

Derek told me.

The other ships are loaded with... Thousands of those horrible creatures,

the one Derek killed today.

Why are they bringing them here?

To raise, for food, a safe distance from their own people.

And they don't care what happens to us?

Derek cared.

He wanted to make the Earth his home.

He promised he would never leave.

I would have used the disintegrator on them, but it will not function without

energy supply.

It was damaged when you crashed.

I had to bluff with it.

It is just as well.

They will be the first victims of the Gargan herds.

So you were able to bring him back, Thor.

He brought me.

I am sorry, I...

acted the way I did.

I am ready to take my punishment.

There will be no punishment, my son.

You are my father?

I am.

I have watched your progress since you were born.

You have excelled in all things.

I was most disappointed... I thought Betty was the beard in this movie.

...came this trip hoping I would find you had returned.

Has what I have done not disqualified me?

Am I still to... You are back. That is all that matters.

Your mistakes were made because of that book.

It blurred your mind, but only temporarily.

How is it you are able to leave the planet?

Will not the government structure collapse in your absence?

We will return immediately, as soon as the Gargans are unloaded from the fleet

of ships.

The people are unaware that I am gone.

Yes, we must leave quickly.

If your absence were discovered... It would likely spark the beginning of a

revolution.

I am not the only one who had that book, Father.

Yes, I know.

And you will help in tracking down others who may have such books.

Yes, I... I see the fleet is approaching.

They are flying from radio signals from the guide ship, are they not?

Let me be the one to direct them in for landing.

Captain, are the ships close enough to receive the landing signals?

Momentarily, but... Then go below, Derek.

You will bring them in.

What are you doing?

Unbolt the hatch.

Looked like Derek went in first and closed the entrance way.

Whatever's in the sky, they're getting mighty close.

Derek has some plans.

He's not doing what they want him to, I'm sure.

Master control to fleet.

Master control to fleet.

Increase speed.

Set flight pattern to minus .08.

Increase speed.

Open this hatch at once. The ships seem to be converging and increasing their

speed. They cannot land. He doesn't plan to have them land but crash.

They're coming right at us. Derek's doing it.

That's what he plans.

But he's inside dinner. He'll be killed too.

Get down inside the cave.

My son.

Can't think of what you are doing.

Turn the ships around before it is too late.

Hold course steady.

I shall make the earth my home, and I shall never, never leave it.

And I was so looking forward to all that Gorgon.

Darn it, Derek, you had to go and ruin a perfectly good worldwide surf and turf

all because of your morals.

So, I mean, what if Fidel Castro, I mean, your father, wanted to use the

as his personal lobster tank?

Do you know the going rate for a 15 ,000 -pound bowl of Gorgon bisque?

Sheesh, we could have put the entire Eastern Seaboard to work as... Seafood

chefs, I mean, you know, with the little hats and the attitudes, single

-handedly rebounding the economy.

Thanks a lot, ghost of Derek.

Well, darling, like any good piece of fish, I start to stink if I lay around

long. So that's my cue. Thanks for joining me and the only teenagers who

collect Social Security, the teenagers from outer space.

See you next time, darling. And until then, unpleasant dreams.