Original subtitles

Oh, hello there, darling.

It's me, the hand who's rocking a lot more than the cradle, Elvira, Mistress

the Dark.

You know, you never know what you'll find down here in the basement. I was

something called the laundry and came upon my box of baby memories.

Oh, look at that.

Oh, my gosh.

My rattle. Oh, golly.

How cute was I?

Oh, look at that.

Gosh, I was adorable.

Look, I was so short but cute.

Oh, where do the time go?

Oh, I know where it goes. It's spent watching crappy movies.

Why, if someone would have told the two -year -old Elvira that when she grew up,

she'd be spending the rest of her life hosting lousy movies, why, I would have

probably peed myself and bit them.

Which, come to think of it, is exactly what I did when they offered me this

But looking over all these little macabre memories, I just can't help but

my own biological clock ticking.

Sounds like the witching hour is near.

I think I would have made one hell of a mother. I would have loved a progeny to

pick up the mantle of Mistress of the Dark, a chip off the old block, an apple

that didn't fall far from the tree.

A fertilized egg with my DNA.

Ew. God, that doesn't sound so pretty. But alas, I have escaped motherhood.

Jack the Ripper escaped the law.

But speaking of progeny, tonight's flick is the quasi -Italian hodgepodge Lady

Frankenstein. You see, the daughter of the doc is following in the family

business. Only this time, she's making the mate for herself.

Talk about self -replication.

But I often wondered what it would have been like to share that moment of

teaching my daughter all the things that I know how to do so well. You know,

like putting on eyeliner and walking in six -inch heels and wearing her first

training bra.

Gosh, five was a wonderful age.

Perhaps if there's a miracle, someday I will know the joys of motherhood.

Come in.

mistress of the dark.

Well, I ain't Miss America.

Yet.

I don't really know how to tell you this, but I'm Elric.

I'm your son.

Was that a coincidence or what?

Keith Richards

Well,

it's a good thing this movie doesn't start out like every other

Frankenstein movie in a graveyard

were right that one.

Best I could do this week. People just never die when it suits you.

Do they, Doctor?

Oh, beg your pardon, Baron.

You don't have to count it. It's all there.

Always is, always is.

See you next week. Lynch, I may need you sooner than next week. Something very

special this time.

Oh, I like that. Very special.

Has a ring of money to it, eh?

I want a corpse dead no longer than six hours.

200. No. 500.

300. Done. Let's say I'm a patron of science.

But I can't promise.

Results, not promises.

I don't understand your trusting him

so much.

Money, Charles, is a miracle drug for people like Link.

Such a grotesque dream.

Or perhaps... Perhaps it shall be a nightmare.

Would it matter?

Not to me. Not if I can give him life.

That's worth anything, anything.

Including your own life?

Even that.

To succeed in creating life is the ultimate achievement. To hesitate, to

to doubt now would...

Like everything I've ever done, pointless, empty.

This, this is my life.

But to create life, should man leave that to God?

Here on Earth, man is God.

Go to bed, Charles.

Tanya will arrive in the morning. You'll want to look at this.

Good night.

I thought I would at least deserve a hello.

I'm sorry, Tanya.

I'm very happy to see you.

Your father and I were always happy to see you.

Here, let me help you. Thank you. How lovely you look.

Thomas!

Thomas, come here.

Thomas?

Would you please take Mademoiselle's luggage?

Take the luggage inside.

Luggage.

Inside, eh, Nadia?

Your

father

let him dressing. He worked rather late last night. As usual.

Is he still experimenting with animal transplants?

Well, you know how he is. He's been at it for 20 years.

You'll be at it for another 20, but tell me about the university.

Well, except for my studies, it was rather boring.

But I didn't go there to socialize.

Aren't you pleased?

I'm like my father, stubborn.

When I want something, I get it.

And I did.

First of my class.

I'm now a licensed surgeon.

Congratulations, doctor.

Father!

Father!

Oh, so nice to see you. Bye, little girl.

That's the way for a licensed surgeon to behave.

This one does.

Oh, yeah, Jack Morgan. Poor son of a bitch. They're gonna hang him good.

Snap his neck for sure.

What about it, Simon? You and Harry with me?

Poor son of a bitch, Jack Morgan.

Nope, never did like him, though. Neither did you, right? I'm waiting, yes

no.

Yeah, I'm with you, Tom. And Harry.

Where I go, he goes.

So, Sir Jack Morgan, long may he die.

But you have heard this story many times before.

It doesn't matter, Father.

It's a charming story.

You know, Father, the name Frankenstein still echoes through the halls of the

university. I'm not surprised, but I stopped caring about those fools when I

left them with their hands clapped over their ears 30 years ago.

Sit down, Charles. Your leg must be tired.

No, it's fine.

Thank you.

Was it difficult?

I mean very difficult to being my daughter.

Sometimes.

Mostly it was my being a woman.

The professors have a lot of old -fashioned ideas about a woman's place.

I'm sure you will make a fine surgeon.

Thank you, Charles.

But I do not want to be merely a fine surgeon.

What do you want?

To assist you, Father, in your work.

You know, since I was a youngster, I was always interested in your experiments.

Each summer when I was here, I... I would sneak into your laboratory.

But it was always locked.

I know.

But I discovered the other way.

The one through the wall. The bedroom wall.

Ah.

Well, you little devil.

I was always curious.

I'm curious to see how far you have progressed.

And to show you my own progress.

I shall be delighted to discuss it with you, of course, as doctor to doctor.

Good.

But I must warn you that my ideas are quite erratic.

Even more so than yours, Father.

Really?

Of course.

I am my father's daughter.

What? I'm my father's daughter, too!

You...

The

family outing is just starting here on Movie Macabre.

We'll be right back with more Lady Frankenstein and more of, um, uh,

uh, Manvira after this.

Oh, oh no, I think you must be mistaken.

I am not old enough to be your mother, darling.

I, uh... If it's not your figure, here.

Uh, well, it does look familiar.

You checked into Midview General 17 years ago and gave birth to a nine

baby boy.

I thought that was the kidney stone.

I've been looking for you ever since.

I want to take hold of your legacy and carry on your life's work for

to come and make a fortune doing it.

Gee, I don't know what to say.

Come to Mama?

Oh, let's see if Lady Frank and her pops have this kind of relationship, shall

we?

I was looking for my father.

Would that be Dr. Marshall?

It would not.

Well, I never thought the Baron had it in him.

But Dr. Marshall would.

No, not on his best night.

A drink, eh?

Much too early.

Never too early for anything.

My dear sir, you are an obnoxious man.

Extremely vulgar.

And I'm certain that whatever you are thinking is merely fantasy on your part.

I would say that you spend too much time alone in your fantasies.

Be careful.

It will soften your brain far quicker than whiskey.

How can somebody so lovely be such a bitch?

It depends on the company I'm with.

I didn't know you needed visitors.

Mr. Lynch?

Yes?

I will see you out.

Always a pleasure to talk to a lady. Good day, lady.

Father?

That I was gone.

I heard you.

Well, I'm sorry for making you sit through this.

200 now.

200 on delivery.

When will it be?

Very soon.

When? The Hanging Jack Morgan day after tomorrow.

So? So, he's your man.

That guy's a dick.

as you'll be missing Jack Morgan very much.

About as much as I would miss you, Captain.

That really depresses me, Lynch, because one day you'll be shaking hands with

Morgan. Oh,

I'll save my other hand. To you, Captain.

You don't have much time, Lynch.

You're sure to make a mistake one day.

And that's the day I'll own you.

And it won't be just jail for you.

You're too clever for that.

It's the hanging one.

That's what you want, and I'll see you get what you want.

It's the least I can do.

Maybe you will.

Maybe you won't.

I will. Yeah?

I will.

What's going on?

Something I'd rather you not see.

A hanging.

I've never seen a hanging.

Nor will you see this one.

Now, Father, I may be a woman, but I am also a doctor.

Death is nothing new to me. This is not death, Tanya.

This is legalized murder.

Maybe she should stay to see the difference.

Maybe she should.

Thank you, Charles.

Don't thank him yet.

From here?

Why didn't I ever cut your throat?

Ready?

Tanya knows about the animal.

But how?

I don't know. She asked me why you still had them and I didn't.

What are we going to do?

You must find out first.

Hey,

up there. Good work, Lynch.

Good work.

Thank you. Charles.

Go on, Turner.

Earn your money.

Yes, sir, Baron, I really like doing business with you. It's clean and it's

quiet. Was it difficult?

As difficult as drinking a bottle of whiskey.

And you can see that's not very difficult.

Whoa, talk about a stiff.

How much blood?

Good. Now we're ready.

I'm sorry, but I couldn't.

I was hoping you wouldn't do this.

So this is why you no longer use the animals.

Human transplants.

Tanya.

Will you please leave?

But I can help you.

You don't understand.

I do, Father.

I do.

What are you going to do with the brain?

Tanya, please.

Father.

Will you both stop treating me like a child?

I'm a doctor.

A surgeon.

I even think like...

It is not impossible, Tanya.

But the heart, the brain, you have to keep them alive.

Yes, we've done it before.

Inside another human body.

We don't need a human body.

But you're going to put Morgan's heart and brain into that creature.

Tanya, no more questions.

But, Bob... I don't want you to get involved.

If anything should go wrong, the law will hold you equally responsible.

And I don't want that to happen.

So, now I'll tell you everything.

Please be patient.

I'll try.

Ew! Weren't those hands just inside a body cavity?

Is everything ready?

Ready.

Mr. Morgan's brain is as cooperative.

It will be, Jones.

So for the past 20 years, my experiments with animal transplants have been

pointed to this week. All the abuses.

I have endured my friends. All the accusations against my sanity and worth

be thrown into their sanctimonious faces.

Looking for something?

There's clouds.

I need a storm for my final step in the lexical storm.

For only lightning will give the creature life.

That's why I haven't transplanted the heart and the brain. Oh, I can keep them

alive indefinitely in the laboratory, but once I transplant them, they'll

survive only a few hours.

Unless they're activated by lightning.

I want to see how you keep them alive.

You shall.

You will succeed, Father.

I will. I promise you I will.

And the medical world will be brought to its knees.

I want that so much.

To see you realize your dream.

Something that no one will ever take away from you.

They won't have to.

I'll give it to them.

wonderful relationship father and daughter Frankenstein have. I mean, the

thought that there would be someone there to continue his bloodline, I bet

bosom swells with pride. I know Muncher swells with pride.

Stick around. There's more apples falling from the Frankenstein family

after this.

Well, okay. Okay, repeat after me.

Welcome back, darling.

Do I have to say darling?

Well, no, I guess not. I mean, what would you say?

Well... Welcome back, my

rotting corpses of comedy. It's me, the guy who's lean and mean and on your

screen. Your knockout stud of cinema.

Elric, Mr.

of the Dark. And we're back with the 1972 hack job Lady Frankenstein starring

Joseph Cotton and Cher.

That is not Cher, sweetie!

Sure it is. Look how many costume changes she's had.

Look at them. Okay.

Look, you've done really good. And, you know, now it's time to give Mommy back

her couch, okay?

No. We last left Joe and Cher talking about the secrets of bringing corpses

to life. Wish someone could do that to the script.

Look, okay, it's not Cher, okay? You cannot give the audience false

because they really rely on my honesty and truth as I host these movies.

Let's get back to the movie and see if we can stitch together something that

resembles a plot.

Gosh, that's just like my lines.

Okay, give Mommy back the lines. Now, you can't sit here anymore. No, you're a

bad boy.

Bad, bad, bad boy. Get off, off the couch.

Loved it as a kid, trusted as a mother.

I can't hear what you're saying.

The music's so loud.

What good would that be? To give it life and just let it lie there? Nothing

more? Without the ticket.

What about anger and pleasure?

Two emotions connected to the damaged part of the brain.

Two vital emotions.

Either one in excess could be devastating.

Correct the damage first.

There isn't time.

Every minute cuts into the life of that heart. 20 years, I can't throw away 20

years by minutes.

But think, Doctor.

Think, no.

Instinct, instinct changes the world, not thought. And my instinct tells me to

transplant that brain right now, and you won't help me.

I want him to live.

I failed, Charles.

You're right.

I should have taken time to repair the brain damage.

It probably wouldn't have made any difference.

The effect of the damage would only show after the brain was reactivated.

We'll never know.

And to never know is more frustrating than to face it.

Take a long breath, Doctor.

Then we can begin again.

I'm afraid not.

No use trying to make me feel better.

It's too late for me, Charles.

Perhaps Tanya will succeed.

Will you help her?

Of course.

But wait and see how you feel in a moment.

You may take your time.

I'll feel the same.

I don't even know if I want her to attempt it.

A moment ago you did.

That was just self -indulgence.

The whole experiment, really.

No, no, it wasn't. Who can say so?

Perhaps there are some things man should leave to God.

Never thought I'd hear myself.

Because this is really only taking place in our minds.

before it was hung.

What happened?

Oh, he drank the Kool -Aid.

Tanya. Tanya.

He's done it.

It's alive.

It's alive.

Oh, Charles.

You're

going

to have to tell me all about it.

Father is dead.

Killed by his own creation.

Um, don't leave yet.

A parent's work is never done. Why, it takes a village to raise a child.

Or run one out of town.

There's more Lady Frankenstein right after this.

Welcome back, you maggots. When we last left Lady Fra -Fra, Daddy's monster had

just offed him, leaving only her to carry on the family business.

And she plans to do a much better job of branding Frankenstein's name than the

old man ever did.

Why, out with the old, in with the new.

That's what I always say.

So, let's get back to the film and make sure that Daddy's dead and never coming

back. And that his child will go on to live and be super successful.

Your father's dead and you're worried about his name?

You cannot keep this from the police.

Not his death.

Only the creed.

That's impossible.

What if it kills again?

Its brain is damaged.

I warned your father, but... Tonya, no.

We must tell Harris.

Yes, tell him.

But tell him it was a robber.

There is Morgan's body.

What did you do with the other corpses?

The lie tank.

Put Morgan in it.

Then you can go to Harris.

These are... I don't know, Tanya.

What could you hope to gain?

Time.

I am to think of some way to save my father's reputation.

Please.

Don't you love him?

You know I did.

So do it for him.

Yes, of course. My father has been experimenting in animal transplants.

Very interesting.

You saw this robber. A big man, you say?

Yes, he would have to be a very big man.

Big enough to... What did he steal? Nothing, as far as I can tell.

I haven't had time to check everything.

My father must have surprised him. I would think it was your father who was

surprised. But...

What would a robber be doing in a laboratory?

He wouldn't have known it was a laboratory.

He must have seen the light and he wanted to investigate.

Perhaps.

You said he was a very big man.

How big would you say?

I don't know. I was asleep.

At least half a foot taller than you, Captain.

Really?

That would make him more than seven feet tall.

Are you sure, Dr. Marshall?

Well, half a foot then.

After all, he was running away when I saw him.

I thought you said you saw him with the Baron earlier.

Yes, but all that registered in my mind then was this hulk of a man gripping the

Baron. And then you entered a few moments after this robber killed the

I tried to stop him, but he threw me aside quite easily, and I couldn't...

that was the time when you saw him run out?

Yes. But you weren't hurt?

No, I wasn't.

How very fortunate. Well, I won't keep you any longer.

I'm sure this has been quite an ordeal for both of you.

Oh, by the way, the young man... Thomas.

Thomas. Where was he? He doesn't live here.

He comes each morning very early.

Thank you.

He didn't believe it?

Of course he didn't.

He just tried to impress me.

You're marvelous.

Now, thank you.

What now?

Now we wait.

There's no place better on a sunny afternoon than right here. Just so long

know where my wife is.

Good Lord, it's our wills. Get the wagon, hurry.

Nice, beautiful place you have here, Lynch.

Very fashionable.

It's like something out of an insane asylum.

Yes, you do have the taste of a connoisseur.

The taste of a man who truly knows what is obscene, vulgar, erotic, and simply

grotesque.

Very clever, the way everything blends together.

Things seem to balance.

That one piece, out of place.

Not one inch of space wasted.

It's truly remarkable.

I am impressed.

Lynch.

You're such an ugly man.

What's wrong, Captain?

All your cells empty this morning?

Oh, on the contrary.

As a matter of fact, some friends of yours were kind enough to spend the

with me.

I don't have any friends.

Oh, but you do. There's Simon Burke and Harry Morris, and not to mention Jim

Turner, and that other fellow, the little one with the hunchback.

Were they drunk?

Very.

You see, they started a brawl in the tavern, the sawmill.

You do know the place?

Vaguely. But what does four drunks have to do with me, huh?

You see, the fight was over which one of them was going to pay for the entire

bill, which was quite substantial.

Your friend's drink, you know.

You still haven't answered my question, Captain.

Oh, haven't I? No.

Well, let me put it this way. Where do four such men come upon enough money for

each of them to be able to pay for himself and the other three?

Maybe they earned it.

Maybe? But doing what?

Simon and Harry, they can't earn much.

After all, how many hangings do we have?

Not enough to suit you, Captain.

Lynch, you disappoint me.

I don't pass sentence on anyone. I only arrest them.

Uh, drinking alone?

No, he wasn't.

Are you in the mood, Captain? Whoa,

his name's not Herbert for nothing.

And I can't see you paying anyone enough to buy a decent dinner.

Let alone a night's drinking for four men.

Captain? I wouldn't. Maybe they found other work. Something that pays a police

captain's wages.

I'm not laughing, Lynch.

Just tell me what kind of work they do for you, since you have no legitimate

business. Oh, I know you're a banker of sorts, loaning out money at exorbitant

rates of interest.

But you're hired help.

What? They are collectors. They collect money for me.

Yes.

I'm sure they do.

I'll leave you to your whatever a man like you calls it. The same thing a man

like you calls it.

One day, Lynch, you're going to tell me the wrong thing at the right time.

It's useless, Tanya.

You won't find the solution there.

There isn't one anywhere.

I have the solution, Charles.

I'm only looking for a way to make it happen.

If I can.

Will you help me?

I cannot commit myself until I know what you consider the solution.

Another creature.

Tanya, it took your father and me three years to construct the first one.

Mine will take less than three weeks. Even if it took three hours, it would be

too late.

Then there's been another killing.

I didn't want to tell you.

I was in town today. Everyone in the village is speaking about the monster.

That is what they call your father's life's work, a monster. And they're

They are not right.

My father was a genius.

And his creation will... It will do nothing but kill.

You don't understand.

Even without the damage to the brain, the creature has the mind of a murderer.

It kills for the sake of killing. It must be destroyed.

will destroy it. How can a man destroy it?

No, Carol.

There's only one solution.

Create a second creature.

You'll be creating another monster?

Not a monster.

An executioner.

Our creature will kill my father's murderer.

No, it's impossible.

Even if you found the right brain, your creature, despite the superhuman

strength induced by the lightning.

It would need a physical body strong enough to support it.

Where would you find such a man?

And that's my proposition.

500 pounds if you find me the right person.

Yeah, well, that makes you think I can.

My father told me.

It's all written in his diary.

He gave you a lot of money and three.

I don't want money from you.

I see.

I knew you would.

Just for one night.

Then I'll find you your man.

It won't cost you a thing.

It will.

I feel nothing but repulsion for you.

I don't give a damn how you feel about me. It ain't your feelings I want.

Your price is too high.

Then go peddle your money elsewhere.

I think Captain Harris would find my father's diary very enlightening.

My selling corpses wouldn't surprise anyone, but your father buying them now,

that would give everybody plenty to talk about, eh?

Wouldn't it, miss?

Now, think about it. No one else can help you. No one.

After all, what's one night out of your life?

It can't kill you. And after, you can take a bath and everything will be brand

new again.

I'll tell him.

You need a drink, Charles.

I don't see why you're so upset.

A man like Lynch cannot be taken seriously.

Kill? I would kill him for even suggesting that you... Thank you,

I didn't know that you felt so much about my reputation.

I'm sorry.

Of course you do.

You are a gentleman.

And so you only think of me as untouchable. You're wrong.

Am I?

Do you ever think of cutting me?

Anya, please.

Does it really bother you to know that a man like Lynch desires me?

No.

Only that he was vulgar enough to reveal it to you.

You never really believed in my father's dream.

You only stayed because of me. What if I did?

Then why didn't you tell me?

Because you were afraid.

You've always been afraid. You're afraid now.

We don't need Lynch.

All we need is each other.

I found him.

Thomas.

Thomas? Yes, Thomas.

Physically, he's perfect.

His body's strong and beautiful.

To be honest, wouldn't you like to have such a body?

What does that have to do with me? Everything, because you love me. I know

do. But you've never done anything about it.

Instead of your love for me giving you strength, you let it melt your spine.

You let it fester inside of you until all you could do was to look at me with

those weird, hurt eyes.

With the eyes of an old man.

With the eyes of a cripple, a cripple who could never even dream that I could

love him.

Mr. Gil.

Could you love me?

Yes.

I could love Thomas.

I love Thomas!

I can't love Thomas.

He has no mind.

Think of me.

Think of possessing me.

Would you like to have my body bend to you?

Would you like to make love to me?

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

You can.

I can make it.

My brain and my heart in Thomas's body.

His heart is as gentle as yours.

Thomas, with your brain, there's a man I could truly love.

No.

I won't kill Thomas for you.

I'm not a murderer.

You were ready to kill Lynch.

That was different.

Murder is murder.

Do a job.

I'll help you.

I'll be your wife.

There's just so much backstabbing and frontstabbing and betrayal in this

Why, it's almost like a home movie.

I mean, I'll be right back after the event.

My plan is almost complete.

I have watched you for years, dreaming one day that I could be as rich and

famous as you.

I just know that when I'm the most well -known horror host in the world, the

money will be pouring in.

Girls, the power.

I'll have everything in the palm of my hand.

Let's get back to the movie.

Do you like it?

Yes, very much.

I've had that ring for a long time.

I'd never dared hope to see you wearing it.

Good morning, Charles.

Don't think of Thomas now.

Think of him after.

The way he will be.

At least he didn't kill Danny Bonaduce.

Last night.

Killed by the same man who murdered your father.

And Lynch wasn't robbed either, Mr. Frankenstein.

It's Mrs. Marshall now.

Oh, congratulations.

Thank you. And this man, anyone seen him? Anyone still alive?

The young man who was with Sarah Wills.

Uh, John Masters.

And this Mr. Masters, what did he see?

He claims it wasn't a man. He said it was a monster. But he was too frightened

to satisfy me.

However, there's one more witness I would believe.

Who is he? Seth Atkins' son. He saw the murderer kill his mother. But the lad's

in shock.

If and when I'm ever able to talk to him... That poor boy.

Sorry to bother you, Mrs.

Marshall. I'll see you out, Captain.

Thank you. You know, I've been wondering, Mrs. Marshall, why would you

Lynch, especially at his place, and at night? The Baron owed him money, and my

wife went to pay it back.

Wouldn't it have been better to send for him? Really, Captain?

A man like Lynch here?

Of course.

But then I would think Dr.

Marshall should have gone, not you.

It was my father's business which made it mine.

Nobody else's. Quite. What I don't understand is why would your father owe

money? I find your probing thoroughly impertinent.

It always is.

Thank you again, and good night.

Oh, one thing more.

You don't believe in monsters, do you?

You're worse than Lynch was.

Hey, Jim.

Jim. Are you sure Dr. Marshall is alive?

Am I sure?

Sure, I'm sure.

Whatever the Baron was doing with the corpses, Dr.

Marshall was helping them. So it must be sure that he's still doing what they

were doing. He'll think it's good.

To hell with these facts.

He'll think it's good. Money. As long as it pays, it's good.

Come on.

Ain't my favorite way to make a living.

Hey, I ain't gonna...

You're early, like always. I keep a clean place, you know. I always clean it

every morning when I come. I see. Thank you very much, Mr. Stone. Clean it up.

Yes, sir. I always try to keep a clean place. A clean place. That's what I

Yes, I understand. A nice, quiet place. Thank you very much. That'll be all.

This doesn't make any sense.

It's beginning to make a lot of sense.

Get those shovels.

Dig it up.

Then dig up every one of them dated within the last two months.

Just what do you expect to find, sir?

Not a damn thing.

Oh, no,

Tommy.

I wasn't laughing at you.

Don't be mad at me.

No, not mad.

Never mad at you.

Well, that's very kind of you. Come here, I'll help you.

There.

A window.

Better isn't it?

Yeah, don't let that stop you, sister.

May I help you, young lady?

Oh, good day. I'm looking for my brother. Your brother? You must have the

wrong... Thomas Stack.

Ah, he's not here.

Have you tried at his home? I went there first.

I've not seen him for a few days.

Perhaps he's gone on a trip.

Tommy? Where would he be? He was never out of the county.

It's possible. Perhaps my father's death had something to do with it. Oh, I

didn't know. I'm sorry.

Yes, Thomas was very fond of him, and his death must have shocked him.

Oh, yes, perhaps.

I'm really sorry, but I can't help you.

I'm sure Tommy will be here soon.

Are you living at the inn?

I shall be. Ah, fine, I'll tell him. He'll be so happy to see you.

Thank you, Miss... Mrs.

Marshall. I'm so sorry to trouble you, Mrs. Marshall.

Oh, no trouble.

We're all very fond of your brother.

I'm sure you are.

Good day.

You and I will help Charlie become a whole human being.

And my father, he will live again, Gus, with the fame he was meant to

have.

Think of tonight, Charles.

Only of tonight.

And people are talking. They're saying that Baron Frankenstein is responsible.

They're saying that he created that monster. It killed him, remember?

But it didn't kill his daughter.

What does she have to do with it?

Well, you know how people are, Captain. Especially when they're scared.

Right now, they're so scared. Right now, I'm scared of your mustache.

Something real crazy, maybe.

To them, the name Frankenstein is six leagues below Satan himself.

And they don't care who's wearing it.

Come on, Johnny.

What's wrong?

You can't change your mind now.

It's too late a time.

I'd kill Thomas.

You've got to make the means just by the end. For my sake.

What if I fail?

Charles, I... Then you fail.

I'd rather give my life to you than to the hangman.

Is everything clear?

No question.

Mrs. Marshall, and I don't see how that could be an intrusion.

Of course you're right.

Please forgive me.

I've been up all night with my husband.

Then he's seriously ill.

It could be.

He's resting now, and after my breakfast, so will I. Have you made any

Captain? Not much, but the murderer has.

Two more men have been killed. Jim Turner and Bill Jetson. They work for

Oh, you wouldn't know them. They're not exactly the kind you'd invite to tea.

Everything is ready, my darling.

You won't be a fool.

You won't be together again.

I kissed a corpse and I liked it.

Just like Build -A -Bear.

Here you go.

here, darling.

Why is everyone tied down?

Okay, look, honey.

Mommy thinks she understands now. We can talk about this.

I'll be a great mother.

I'll never beat you with wire hangers.

Oh, please, let's just get back from this next commercial, okay?

There's more Lady Frankenstein and hopefully Elvira right after this.

this to me if I wasn't tied up on this couch.

But you are, Elvira.

You're tied up on this couch.

Elric, please, look, there's still about ten minutes of the movie left. You just

can't kill me yet. I mean, I need to find out how it turns out.

Well, I suppose I owe you that much.

But any witty remarks you have will be mine.

All mine, you hear? Okay, yes, yes.

Well, we now return to the climactic, um, uh, climax of Lady Frankenstein.

No. That was my line. No!

My line!

It's true, Julia. I've seen it. And you think that Tommy is somehow involved

with this monster?

Well, not in creating it, but I think he found out about it by chance.

And Mrs. Marshall, she's part of it, too?

Yes, she's lied too many times not to be.

And she and Dr.

Marshall, they would have to kill Tommy, wouldn't they?

Wouldn't they? Maybe not. Who would believe Tommy?

You would too, Paul.

Aw, the obligatory village people.

Hey, disco's dead.

if he isn't headed straight for the Frankenstein estate.

Let's go, John.

When I remove the stitches and your hair grows back, no one will see the

difference.

In the meantime, this wig will do perfectly.

Now, Charles, put your hands like this.

When I release the paper, you try to catch it between your hands before it

reaches the floor.

But you must look into my eyes.

Bravo, Charles.

Reflex is perfect, pulse normal.

Everything is perfect.

How could I possibly know our storm would come in time?

Of course you couldn't.

One thing more, Charles.

You see that heavy table over there?

That one?

All my life I've wanted to do something like that.

You can now, Charles.

You're a young man again.

Handsome, strong, intelligent, and beautiful man.

Mrs. Marshall!

Mrs. Marshall!

What is it?

It's Captain Harris.

I insist on seeing you.

You must see him, Tanya.

He'll just keep on coming back.

Go and see him.

I must see Dr. Marshall.

I'm not asking your permission.

Yes,

it is, Mrs. Marshall. You do that.

Not until I see your husband.

That's far enough, Captain.

I'm sorry, Captain, but my illness is quite contagious.

You shouldn't risk coming any closer.

I want to speak to you alone.

Whatever you have to say, I want my wife to hear it. Very well.

I came to warn you about the monster that you and Baron Frankenstein created.

I hold you responsible in the deaths of eight people, including the Baron.

Of course you can prove it.

If I could, I would be here to arrest you. I know that you are my proof. I

you alive, Doctor.

Why should anyone want to kill my husband? Not anyone.

Only the monster he helped to create.

Of those killed, four were responsible for giving it life. You, Doctor, are the

fifth and last.

That's absurd, Captain. How could Lynch and those other... By providing your

father and your husband with court.

I don't have to tell you how they were used.

How else are we to know what you are talking about?

Those jars in the laboratory. It won't be difficult to prove they contain human

organs and not animals.

No, Doctor.

You never considered the creature might not appreciate your miracle. That's why

he killed the Baron, the three other men. That's why he must kill you.

Why didn't he kill Charles when he killed my father?

Because your husband wasn't in the laboratory at all.

This is the most extraordinary fable I've ever heard.

You really disappoint me, Captain.

A robber killed the Baron.

As for those other two pyramids of integrity, anyone could have had

reason to kill them.

Perhaps it's your incompetence that's led your imagination awry.

I suggest you take a... Very well.

I've warned you.

Remember, lies can't keep you alive, Doctor. But I can.

Your concern is a great comfort to me.

Good night, Captain.

I don't know what you've done with Thomas, but I'll find out. And when I...

We

must get away tonight, Charles.

No, Tanya.

But darling, Harris and his men will find the monster.

They'll destroy it.

They don't know how.

I do.

Every available man, Peter. I want this place surrounded.

And make sure the men tell no one, especially their wives. Now hurry. Yes,

It'll find me.

Tonight.

Tonight it will be here.

Finished. We can control it. It doesn't have to kill again. We can show the

world that my father didn't fail.

That he wasn't insane.

Think of us, Charles.

The power.

The faith. No. I must kill it.

Yes, you're right.

Kill it.

Why did you change your mind, Tanya?

Because you know that no matter which of us survives, you still win?

Love me.

Me. Me.

I belong to you.

Yes, darling.

My love.

Well, at least she died happy.

Okay, look, kid.

You've got totally the wrong idea.

I mean, there's no fame and fortune in this gig.

I rarely make ends meet.

Well, except that one time when... Oh, well. And look at me. I mean, I'm

shooting into basement, for God's sake.

I am flat busted.

Look, I mean I'm broke.

This isn't the life I want for you, my only son. This is life on the D -list.

Double D -list, but the D -list nonetheless.

I need you to go forth and prosper.

Now get over here and cut Mommy loose and give me some sugar.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I am.

I guess I just want the same things you have.

Well, if you did have those, you'd make a fortune in a freak show.

I guess you're right.

Looks like I'll just have to settle for having Elvira as my mom.

And I guess I'll just have to settle for having a sociopathic, borderline

homicidal maniac with impulse behavioral problems as my son.

I'm so proud.

Really? Really.

Well, um... I'm... I'm not actually your son.

What? Name's Jack Shemansky, and I kinda recently just escaped from the mid

-view sanitarium.

Stick them, boys!

Oh, crap.

Phew. Oh, boy. Dodged that bullet.

Boy, it just goes to show you that you can pick your nose, but you can't pick

your family. Because the people that you do pick will have you committed.

So, darling, I hope you enjoyed wading through my little gene pool as much as I

did.

Until next time, don't forget to use condoms.

pleasant dreams.