Original subtitles

Greetings, children of the corny. You've reached the tomb where doom and gloom

meet ba -ba -boom, Elvira's movie macabre. And happy Halloween!

Tonight's show is just busting out of its little black dress with tricks and

treats from the mistress of the dark.

Me, Elvira. It's a registered trademark. Look it up.

Tonight, we're pairing a film that promises to scare you to death with my

Halloween ball. And you're all invited.

As long as you're willing to lend a hand.

Well, guess I stepped right in that one.

Oh, great.

What's next?

Uh -oh. I wonder who that could be. I mean, my guest shouldn't be here for

another hour.

Uh, come on down.

Whoa.

My shoe delivery?

Look at the size of that package.

Gosh, be careful. You could hurt somebody with that thing.

Although there are worse ways to go.

I'm just thinking of all the things brown can do for me.

Gee, I wonder what's inside.

Smells like Madagascar vanilla, organic manure, and she -demon.

Oh, now I remember. It's Martha Stewart.

I had dropped her line asking her for help on my party.

Martha?

Martha, are you there?

Martha?

Uh -oh, I hope they made enough air holes.

You see, when I asked Martha to join me, she didn't exactly say yes, so I just,

well, okay, I had her knocked out and shipped via parcel post.

You know, Martha by mail.

Uh, well, darling, while we wait for the sedatives to wear off, why don't we

start our feature presentation?

Tonight's movie is a film I have always wanted to see.

Scared to death, starring the one, the only, Bela Nicosi.

I'm just getting goosebumps thinking about it.

You know, with a title like that, I mean, it has got to be good.

Let's see what Wikipedia has to say about it.

This 1947 film stars Dead People Magazine's sexiest Bachelor of 1911.

Bella Lugosi, and is narrated by some woman who died of fright.

They're trying to destroy my mind.

Spoilers! And from abroad, who's literally spoiling who.

Well, before anything else leaks, ew, I should just roll the film. So get ready

to be scared to death on movie.

Is this the body? Yes, Doctor.

And the police are particularly anxious that the cause of death be determined at

the earliest possible moment.

It's a pity.

She was a very beautiful woman.

One hates to perform an autopsy on a beautiful woman.

But you have no other choice, Doctor.

Most unusual.

There are no marks of violence on the body. What do they suspect? Poison? Have

they any idea? My understanding is, Doctor, that the authorities are

sea as to how she was killed.

They know why, and they also have the fellow who killed her. Yes, yes, that

doesn't matter. That's none of our business. Our business is to find out

killed her.

And yet, one often wonders, what could have caused

the last thought that was cut off by death?

Hmm, did I leave the iron on?

What would it be?

If you're here, you've found me alive.

But you know when you kill me, I warn you.

Don't come and I'll step.

No, don't, please.

Don't.

No, I told you I didn't want the bandage.

Why, Laura?

Why are you so opposed to the bandage?

Does it remind you of something, perhaps?

What do you mean?

Oh, nothing, Laura, nothing.

Now, won't you lie down again and let me complete the examination?

You're a sick girl, you know, in a highly nervous condition.

I want to know what you meant by saying the bandage reminded me of something.

If you don't know, how should I?

You don't fool me for a minute, Doctor.

I know how you feel about me. Do you, Laura? Then I wish you'd tell me, for I

don't know.

I don't know how I feel about you at all.

You're clever, Doctor.

But I'm wise to you and that fool of a son of yours.

How long have you been married to Ward now?

And why don't you give him his divorce?

He's asked you often enough.

I'll give him a divorce when I'm good and ready.

I see.

I'm not afraid of anything he can do, or you, or anyone else.

What's that?

Your heart beating like a trip hammer.

I must warn you of this high state of nervous tension.

What's that noise?

It's only a branch tapping against the window.

Now, my dear Laura, if you want me to help you, you must tell me what it is

fear.

I told you I'm not afraid of anything.

I know what's going on here.

Someone's trying to scare me out, but it won't work, see?

Here I am, and here I'll stay until I rot.

I'm afraid there's more truth in that than you suspect.

Laura! I must ask you not to cause Father any more trouble.

I don't want you threatening him, you hear?

You too.

You're so cute.

I'm sure you want to be alone.

You're not going to make him pay for my mistake.

What are you going to do about it?

I'd like to... You'd like to choke me, wouldn't you, Ward?

Come on, guys.

Save it for the director's cut.

This is the only thing you ever gave me.

You can have it back.

She's right.

I gave her this when we were married.

It's the only gift that'll pass between us.

Ward, what do you propose to do about Laura?

What can I do?

She won't leave me. She won't give me a divorce.

Things can't go on this way, you know.

Dad, what is the matter with her?

What do you think is wrong?

I don't know.

She wasn't this way until she began getting those letters from abroad, you

remember? Yes, it had something to do with those letters.

But you would have thought that when they stopped coming that...

What is it, little bit?

There's a patient, doctor. A Mrs. Williams.

Williams? That's the name she gave. And she's decked out like she's going to a

horse show.

I can't see anyone today. Ask her to make another appointment.

Dad, please don't let what's happening interfere with your practice.

Oh, very well. Send her in in a few minutes.

Sure, doctor. Oh, yeah. That Bill Raymond's waiting. Do you want to see

Who's he?

That private cop who's always hanging around just hoping somebody gets

Oh, yes. He's probably come for his check.

Take care of it, will you, Ward?

Yes.

A little bit.

Yes. This for you.

Gee.

Thanks, Mr. Warren.

But this belongs to Mrs. Vanney, doesn't it? Not anymore.

It's all yours.

She won't get sore, will she?

I don't want to have any trouble with her. You know how she is. I know. We all

know a little bit.

And I want to thank you for your patience.

Run along now, Lillibeth.

Yes, Doctor.

You made a fatal mistake, my boy, in marrying Laura.

Yes, I know.

But you don't suppose I'm going to stand for it forever, do you?

No, I don't.

And I don't think it will be necessary.

Do you have a plan?

I think it will be better if you leave everything to me.

From the day a mysterious caller came to see Dr. Benny...

Oh, yes, I remember now, Mrs. Williams. I spoke

to you this morning on the telephone.

I'm sorry, but I can't tell you any more now than I told you then.

Oh, naturally, Doctor.

I did not mean to imply that there were any abnormal goings -on here.

I assure you that is not, Mrs. Williams, nor will that be.

Nevertheless, Doctor, the way you were described to me and the way your place

was described to me, I am certain that I am in the right place.

May I ask from whom you obtained these descriptions?

From a friend, Doctor. A mutual friend.

Well, wait a minute.

The woman I love.

Can't we be friends?

Stop tracking your big, flat feet after me wherever I go. I've got things to do.

Oh, gee, it's wonderful just to see you around, busying yourself, the little

housewife. I never knew the cop who didn't love to stand around and watch

people work.

Mrs. Williams, it's obvious from your conversation that you've come into

possession of certain facts concerning my past.

I know of only one person who could have given you that information.

And it was my belief, yes, and even my hope, that that person was dead.

But let me say that even if that person were alive, I should not submit to

blackmail from you or from anyone else.

You show great courage, Doctor, for one in your unusual position.

There has been no question of blackmail.

I came here seeking your cooperation.

which you have refused to give.

So, let us call the matter closed.

Thank you.

Yeah, never trust a woman wearing that many guns.

Then came

this sinister

pair.

Wow, that actress isn't even dead yet, and she's already acting like a complete

stiff.

Speaking of which, Catherine's just waking up.

Oh, what's going on? The last thing I remember was Rachel Ray handing me a

cupcake. Martha, it's me, Elvira, your twisted sister.

We pledged that the same sorority ate a lot of pie. You would not believe the

tricks she can do with a rolling pin and a ping pong ball.

Get out of here, Elvira. All right. Hey, don't get your panties in the bun,

sister. I'll tell everyone what to bury in your cabbage patch.

You wouldn't dare.

Martha, look. I just need a little guidance from a Halloween ball, and no

has those balls like you.

Elvira!

Let's just take a little break while I try to keep a lid on this situation.

We'll be back with more Halloween hijinks right after this.

Elvira, just let me out. I'll behave.

I don't do well in confined spaces.

Yeah, right.

Look, I already learned my lesson with Tim Gunn. He promised he'd show me how

make it work if I let him stretch his legs. Then he just took off like a

bat out of hell.

Oh, hey, don't you know it ain't nice to creep up on a gal?

Especially one in the middle of a hostage situation.

You're a sick girl, you know.

Yeah, yeah, whatever.

I'll take two pills and call you in the morning.

Well... You're back on the scene with the Queen of Halloween and have I got

tips for you.

Halloween tips, that is, on how to pick your best pumpkins ever.

Now, I always like to get a pair of pumpkins because, as you know,

better in pairs.

Isn't that right, Martha?

Right. Right.

That's better.

So, for the perkiest pair of pumpkins, I recommend passing by the pumpkin patch

and picking them yourself.

Now, who wouldn't like to be greeted by a giant pair of these?

Of course, size always matters when it comes to pumpkins.

And a few other things.

But having a pair that matches is important, too. You don't want one big

one puny old little shriveled up one, do you? Of course not.

Everyone wants them big and firm. But hauling these babies around all day can

cause back strain.

That's why I invented this.

L -Virus Handy Dandy Over -the -Shoulder Pumpkin Holder.

It's just perfect for carting around those big beauties. It not only lifts,

separates.

What?

My little guardian of the doorbell.

If you had waited another second, Indigo and I should have kicked the door in.

Yes, sir.

Sir?

There is an air of inquiry about you that immediately offends my deepest

There is something suggesting Scotland Yard, the French Sûreté, the Italian

Carabinieri, the Turkish Polizai.

and other minions of the law.

In short, sir, I think you're a cop.

Yeah, how'd you know?

I believe I'm in the home of Dr. Joseph Van E.

Yes, sir.

I mean, sirs.

Oh, do not be polite to Inigo.

He's only offended by it.

Run along, Inigo.

Make yourself at home.

We've got a nice tree in the yard, but... It ain't got no coconut.

My

little friend

Inigo is deaf and dumb. He cannot hear, and he cannot speak.

But he reads the lips, and I would advise you to say nothing to annoy him.

His temper is short, indeed.

I presume, is Dr. Vanee's private office.

Yes, sir. But I really should announce you.

My dear girl,

if I allowed myself to be announced, I doubt I would be received anywhere.

I'm sorry. Really, I am. But the doctor won't see anybody without an

appointment. Appointment?

I have had an appointment with him these 20 years.

20 years?

Whoa, your insurance must be as bad as mine.

My dear doctor, truthfully can it be said that your house is your castle,

protected by your countless slaves?

So it is you, Leonide.

I was warned you might appear like one of your own illusions out of nowhere.

My dear Joseph, you have not changed a bit.

Have you met my friend, Mr.

Raymond?

Raymond?

Oh, Raymond.

No doubt a relative of the great magician of the same name.

Mr. Raymond is our private patrol officer.

He keeps an eye on the premises for us.

And other comings and goings.

A very good idea, my dear Joseph.

To have a private bodyguard at your beck and call.

Well, you fellas are old friends. I can see that.

Oh, yes.

Old friends. Friends.

Well, then maybe you'd like to be alone to talk over old times.

A very good suggestion.

Thank you, Mr. Raymond.

I won't be far away, Doc.

Well, so long, Mr. Leonide.

Don't pull any more little men out of your hat.

Well, Leonide, what brings you to me after all this time?

The long arm of coincidence, my dear Joseph.

Simply the long arm of coincidence.

Aren't you glad to see me again?

No, I can't say that I am.

You with your foreign background and I, what are we two in common?

Always truthful, Cousin Joseph.

As when we were young men.

You might have said no and saved your career.

But you prefer to tell the truth and ruin yourself.

What do you want here, Leonid?

A few days' hospitality, my dear Joseph.

Nothing more.

Is that too much for one cousin to ask of another?

Remember, we agreed not to think of each other as cousins again, Leonide.

Bye, go on, my dear Joseph.

Am I willing to forget?

And I suggest that you do the same.

You've grown older, Leonide, but there may be something in what you say.

I'm not one to hold a grudge.

But don't do anything that will make me regret my action.

You have my promise.

Now, if you will go into my room.

Oh, I should say, I have a traveling companion from whom I am

inseparable. Who?

Inigo, a dwarf, one of the little men.

He became very much attached to me when he lost his master.

You do not object.

What good would that do?

How true.

Very well.

You may have the room next to my daughter -in -law.

I know you'll like that.

Oh, yes.

The lady who I'm told has an utmost horror of having her eyes blindfolded.

A phobia of most interesting origin, I dare say.

Something to think about.

That night, my husband questioned Leonard about my past.

Cousin Leo.

Oh.

My dear word.

How flattering that you remember me. How could I ever forget you? What are you

doing here? A chance to visit my boy.

I wanted to see the old homestead again.

You've seen father?

Yes, and he received me with open arms.

In a manner of speaking.

I don't mind telling you, you came at a very bad time.

We're, uh, we're having some trouble.

My boy, trouble and I are like this.

I presume you refer to the charming lady in the room next to mine, your wife, I

believe. Yes, Laura, I have met her.

But I'm looking forward to the pleasure.

I'd like to talk to you for a moment.

All right.

Perhaps you can help us.

By doing what, my boy?

You've been everywhere.

You were caught in Europe during the war.

I'd like to show you something.

You may be just the person I'm looking for. If I can be of any service.

Did you ever hear of a dance team called René and Lorette?

I don't think so, my boy.

And then again, it must have been such a team. Look.

René and Lorette.

The dance of the green mask in the green room in Paris.

Green room?

Yes?

Oh, the face of the man, that seems slightly familiar.

May I ask, where have you got this photograph?

I, uh, the maid, Lillipets, found it in Laura's room and turned it over to me.

Oh, my boy, I'm afraid I can't help you.

I played a green room on several occasions, but never with these people.

fact, I don't seem to remember them at all.

And I appeared in many clubs during the occupation.

I'm sure the girl behind the green mask in this picture is Laura.

How can you be sure?

Who can ever be sure what's behind the mask?

If the people in this photograph could suddenly come to life.

I'd like to know who the man is.

It can be anyone, my friend.

Anyone.

In this makeup, it might be even I.

I wish you wouldn't joke about it. This is very serious, of course.

But let us say you found out who the man in the photograph is.

What then?

I have an idea that if the man in this picture were to show up, I'd find out I

wasn't married to Laura at all.

Think over what I've asked you.

It'll be to your advantage.

Certainly, my boy.

I will give it every consideration.

And perhaps, something will occur.

Who knows?

Don't you want to leave the photograph with me for my further study?

It might be the very incentive that my memory needs.

No thanks, sir. I'll keep it.

As you wish.

Make a bet. The man in green will get you yet.

A gruesome surprise was in store for me the following morning.

Can you believe the noise of those people? I mean, they're going to make us

all night before they murder Lady Blah Blah.

I haven't heard a dead chick talk so much trash since the Real Housewives of

Transylvania. I don't know. Maybe I'm just jaded from my insatiable appetite

monsters and mayhem.

Martha, what do you think?

I can't see anything from here.

Well, consider yourself lucky.

I mean, you just get to sit around in that crate all day doing nothing while I

slave away on this sofa, forced to watch this crap.

Let me tell you something, Miss Whiny Pants. This is no joyride.

It takes a very special person like myself to do this job.

It can be anyone, my friend.

Anyone.

In this makeup, it might be even I.

Oh, right. I suppose you look great in this dress, too.

Sorry, folks. You'll have to forgive Bella.

Must be the smack -talking. I wouldn't say that to you, lady, even if I knew

what it meant.

Sheesh, some private dick you are. Why, my audience can figure that out with

their eyes closed, which by now they probably are.

I do like Bella's little friend Indigo, though. He may be short, but he is the

only one in this flick who hasn't said anything dumb yet.

Guess that's one of the benefits of a non -speaking role.

Well, darling, my guests will be here soon, and I am so excited about

big party.

But here I... am in the same costume I wore last year, and the year before

and the year before that, and, well, you get the picture.

I know, I know, it is incredibly hot and sexy and all that, but it sure would be

nice if just for once I could switch it up a little. I mean, you know, wear

something totally different.

Wouldn't hurt if it was a little warmer for those cold October nights when I'm

out there tramping up and down the street, uh, trick -or -treating.

And, you know, a tad roomier wouldn't be bad either.

Hmm. Now what could my new costume be?

Second thought, maybe I should just stick with the old tried and true.

It's been working out pretty good for me so far.

We'll be back in a flash with more Halloween trick -or -treats right after

Hello, darling, and happy Halloween.

You're back with the hottest bear on television.

No, you crazy horn dog. I'm talking about me and our very special holiday

hostage, Martha Stewart.

Oh, don't be scared. That's just Martha's stomach.

Come to think of it, I am feeling a little peckish myself.

So let's say we slip on her aprons and whip up some tricked -out treats for our

little soiree. She don't care what happens to my metabolism.

You're right, I don't. Save the calorie count for the boring holidays like Yom

Kippur.

First things first, spoils and ghouls. Every good party begins with a creepy

cocktail. My personal favorite is called the Succubus Sour.

Now, as the legend goes, it was created thousands of years ago to appease the

Egyptian vampire goddess Thachmet.

Now, if I can just recall the recipe.

Oh, there it is. Margarita mix.

Yeah, that's right. As you wait for that to drain, now you just want to grab

your secret ingredient.

Oh, boy.

Fermented succulent nectar, a .k .a. 100 proof tequila.

Any brand will do as long as it's family size.

Next, just add one drop of love potion number nine.

What the hell?

You can never have too much love potion number nine.

Now all that's left is to stir this through four times.

Fill up my cup.

Mazel tov.

Look at her dancing.

Just take it off.

Let's paint the town.

We'll shut it down.

Let's burn the roof and then we'll do it. We'll do it. We'll do it, do it, do

it. Oh, how darn. I got a feeling that tonight's going to be a good night.

Well, a couple of sips of this stuff and those wallflowers will be pollinating

in no time.

How romantic.

Thanks for sharing, Dr. Ruthless.

Now, while I whip up a batch of my world -famous ladyfinger cookies, made with

real ladies, you can sip your succubus sours and catch some more STD.

Ew! I'm talking scared to death.

You know, that Edge of Your Nap thriller we've been watching?

Looks like this turkey showed up one holiday too soon.

Where was I?

Oh, yeah, lady fingers.

Whoa. Maybe I was a little too generous with that love potion number nine. And

even Bobby, the camera guy, started to look good to me, and he has two heads.

I think.

Quick, somebody just roll tape before things start to get awkward.

Bobby, come here.

Who is it?

It's me, ma 'am.

What do you want?

The afternoon mail. You wanted to know when it arrived.

Was there anything for me?

Yes, ma 'am.

Put it under the door.

I can't. It's a package.

What's in it?

I don't know.

It's against postal regulations to open other people's mail.

That's never stopped you before.

I'd like to know what you mean by that remark, ma 'am. Oh, shut up and get out.

Don't you want me to help you? No, I don't. Get out.

It's addressed to you in green ink with a warning. Look out for the man with the

green mask.

Oh, it's so hard to find good help these days.

To the restroom, ma 'am. Who done it? Which way did he go? Get out.

Get out.

I just heard you yell. I was hoping it was a murder at least.

Get out. I tell you, you have no business here.

But you don't understand. I'm supposed to be here. That's what I'm being paid

for. Paid?

Yeah. You see, I'm Bill Raymond, private cop in this neck of the woods.

I was hoping we'd have a little murder or something happen around here so as I

could solve it and get my old job back at Sentinel Homicide.

Nothing personal, of course.

Who told you to say these things to me?

Well, nobody. Nobody said nothing to me. I was just waiting around outside to

see Dr. Vanney, and I heard you yell.

So you're a friend of that crazy doctor and his son.

Crazy? I wouldn't exactly say that, ma 'am. The doc's a pretty good egg.

You wouldn't want anyone to say you was crazy, even if you... You can go back

and tell him I'm not afraid of being murdered by you or them or anyone else.

No, I don't guess you are, ma 'am.

Still in all, if you was to get murdered, and I was to find out who done

it'd be kind of a break for me.

Paton, Paton B, please to go show.

I wouldn't say that to you, lady, even if I knew what it meant.

Now will you get out?

All right, all right, I can take a hint.

Nice little bedroom you've got there. Get out.

I'll go, I'll go, but don't think I'll come running next time you yell. I'll

know it's a fake.

I became afraid and my mind started to crack.

Lilibet, my melancholy baby, where are you?

Where'd you get that box?

I don't know what you're talking about.

You lying little snoop going through my things. What did you do with the

picture? Where is it? I didn't see it.

That's the last time you put your hands on me.

I'll give you one more chance and then I'll... I told you I don't know where

picture is and I don't know what you're talking about.

It's been you all the time going through my things, opening my mail, grabbing on

my door at night.

Now you're blaming me. I've never touched anything of yours.

You've got my robe on now. Where'd you get that? I was just trying it on. Mr.

Ward gave it to me. He said you didn't want it anymore.

I'll tell you when there's something I don't want.

Heads up.

It's only a dummy.

A dummy?

Where'd you get that thing?

I suppose you're going to tell me you don't know anything about that either.

Oh, I bet it was in the box. In the box I brought up for you, that's what.

There were no stamps on it. How did it get in the mail?

I don't know. The doorbell rang and I thought it was the mailman.

I opened the door and it was sitting there on the stoop. You're lying.

No, I'm not. I don't mind telling a lie now and then, but I'm not lying now,

honest.

Trying to scare me out.

I'm not leaving.

No, but I am. You come here.

You and Mr. Ward are pretty thick, aren't you?

Thick? Yes, thick like your head.

He's fallen in love with someone else. Who's she? I don't know. It's not me. I

know it isn't you.

I know all the signs.

He's fallen in love with some simple face.

Men.

There's always a way to get even with them.

I've got to find that picture.

Otherwise, they won't know what he looks like.

I've got to send it to the police.

He won't dare touch me.

Who do you mean, the man in the picture?

Have you seen him? Maybe I have and maybe I haven't.

Maybe I saw him go behind the thicket.

Or through the wall.

Or under the house.

He's here in the house?

Yes. I let him in.

I let him in.

He was waiting outside to get to you, Miss LaValle.

Miss LaValle.

There's nothing safe from your prying eyes, is there?

You think you know everything, don't you?

I know why you're afraid.

And I know what you've done.

No, I'm not that thick.

I'm not as thick as you think I am, Miss Lovell.

That head's supposed to be you. Kind of a calling card. I'll remind you that.

Why, you... Excuse

me, lady.

I'm afraid.

I'm afraid.

Where are you hiding?

Dr. Fanny!

Doc, Doc!

Fun is fun. But after all, there ain't nothing in my contract that says I

gotta... Well, now I ask, is that anything to be playing football with?

Where did you get that, Raymond?

Miss Fanny chucked it at me like I was a pass receiver for a football team.

And I'm all out of practice. Let me see it.

This comes from a group of anatomical specimens that was locked in a room in

cellar.

How did you happen to get it?

That's what I'm trying to tell you. There I was, outside her door, strictly

minding my own business, understand?

Listening at the keyhole. I don't think that belongs in the realm of your

duties, Raymond.

But, Doc, there were screams inside.

You've got to admit, it's within the longitude of my profession to make with

investigatory reaction there, too.

What am I saying?

I don't understand how that head got from its locker room in the cellar.

Well, the way I heard it, it was sent to Mrs. Vanee.

That was rather a gruesome practical joke.

Why, your anatomical locker hasn't been open for ages.

I think you once told me you'd lost the only key to it. I know.

There is no key to my knowledge.

Why, that thing didn't walk out of the room by itself.

Hardly.

Doc, I'm worried.

What about, Raymond?

Well, now, take this head business. The whole thing don't seem hardly serious to

me. I think that... If it's all the same to you, I'd better be checking along to

other duties.

You're not afraid, are you, Raymond?

Who, me?

Scared?

It's just that I don't think that there's going to be any murder here done

all. Not too bad.

Well, it's not your fault, I guess.

It's just not my lucky day, that's all.

Thank you, little man.

Oh, Miss Lilibet, have you a little more coffee in the kitchen?

What happened to the three gallons I already gave you today?

Lilibet, what you need is a good, strong, steady man.

Who is always hanging around, tracking up my floors and things.

What's that on your shoe?

Looks like cobwebs from out of the cellar.

What were you doing in the basement?

It could have been the attic.

Bill Raymond, you're holding out on me.

What are you up to?

Up to?

Yes. Who asked you to go poking around in the cellar?

It was in performance of my duty.

What duty?

What did you find?

Absolutely nothing.

That's what makes me so disgusted.

Too bad about you.

You know, Lily Beth, I think somebody around here is just kidding.

They don't mean business at all.

Why don't you just wait around and see?

Say, if you've got any inside dope, I wish you'd tip me off.

I'm never going to get back to Central and prove I'm a good detective. I've got

to have some clues.

Why, hello again, you kooky creature of the night.

It's Elvira, the happy Halloween homemaker, with a tray full of treats.

Something to think about.

Yeah, anyway, have you ever wanted to give someone the finger?

Or perhaps even an entire group of people? Say, like the cast of a movie

makes zero sense?

Well, now you can.

Don't these look delish? I came up with the recipe myself.

Oh, no, you did not order from my magazine.

Thanks, Martha. I hope you feel better now.

Well, while I give my dainty detainee a snack over here, we're going to take a

short break to pay some bills.

Hmm, let's see. There's bill my bookie and bill my shrink and... Oh, yeah, bill

my Brazilian waxer.

Bill my trainer.

Mmm, these are good.

And I swear on my grandmother's grave, bigger than a baby's arm. Oh,

hold that thought.

Welcome back, darling.

And if you've just been tuning in, we've been multitasking tonight at Movie

Macabre in preparation for our big Halloween bash. We have Martha Stewart

house, or more specifically in the crate.

And now it's my perverse pleasure to introduce you to Charlie, fashion

of the dark.

I'm thrilled to be here, Elvira.

Charlie and I go way back. I mean, we met at Rosemary's baby shower, and he's

been giving me indispensable fashion advice ever since.

Don't change a thing.

And I haven't.

That's why I love him. Charlie was kind enough to stop by and give us some last

-minute costume advice.

That's right.

You know, you don't have to spend a fortune, know how to work a sewing

or rob a grave to get some of these fun Halloween looks.

Well, there are my plans.

You know, I have two very special visitors here who are going to be our

tonight. Models? Really? Where are they?

Are they young? Are they cute?

Yes. And in fact, they're adorable.

Oh, I can't wait.

Yeah.

Adorable.

Well,

Elvira, these are the children from Jefferson Elementary?

They won that contest to be on the show?

Oh, yeah, right.

Sorry. I love kids.

Now, why don't you two cuties tell us what you're dressed up as?

I'm a magician.

And I'm a princess.

Oh, that's just great, kids, for an Easter parade.

But this is Halloween.

Blood and gore, remember?

Maybe I have something here in my trunk and we can salvage this mess.

Oh, um, it's all right. Okay, let's see.

Here's a scalpel. Get rid of the scalpel.

Uh, all right.

Okay.

There you go.

Now, that's much, much better. Okay, see, you are Jack the Ripper, and you're

Carrie at the prom, right before I throw this bucket of pig's blood on you. Oh,

Vyra, I think they get the idea. All right, kids, come on.

Come on.

Yeah, of course, right.

But I cannot emphasize enough, and I'm sure Martha would back me up on this,

have to go for the real pig's blood. I mean, otherwise the whole thing just

comes off totally cheap. Right, Martha?

That was the most thick.

Twisted, vile display of the Friday I've ever seen.

Thanks. And if you're still stuck for costume ideas, maybe tonight's movie

get your creative juices flowing.

Let's see, there's a maid, a detective.

Oh, yeah, and a corpse will talk your ear off. And if all else fails, there's

always this.

Oh, run for your lives. It's the attack of the paper mache mask.

Grown. I mean, we can only hope things have gotten a little chillier at...

Scared to death, Manchin.

Yes,

I was scared.

Scared of my life.

I expected big things of that ghoulish -looking guy, but he ain't delivered

neither.

I should say, in a way, you were entitled to expect big things from him.

Leo was once confined in this house when it was an institution for the insane.

Nerds. You know.

Do tell.

Well, then, he must know his way around the place, huh?

I understand why he was here. He engineered an immense number of secret

through which the guards could keep an eye on the inmates at night.

Finally, he took one of these passages into the outside world, and we heard

later he'd been seen in Europe.

Ah, Europe.

That's where history is being made today.

Gee, I'd love to travel and... Well, perhaps you'll have an opportunity

Not if something don't happen around here pretty soon to make me famous.

That Lily Beth.

I've been trying to get a cup of coffee off of her all day.

She don't care what happens to my metabolism.

Metabolism.

That's a good word.

I wonder what it means.

Operator. I run the police right away.

Stop crowding me.

But, hon, don't you want me around to protect you? That indigo guy might...

but who's going to protect me from you?

Lily Pat.

My wild Irish rose.

I just live for the day when I can take you out of all this.

When I can slave and get you the luxuries in life.

Gee, I'd gladly work my fingers to the bone to buy you expensive motor cars and

furs and jewels and things and throw you breakfast in bed.

What's the matter with me?

Am I crazy?

Yes. Oh, you can say that again.

You got me all those things.

Yeah, you might get a little blue in the face.

Still in all, all I got to do is to find myself one slightly murdered body, and

I'm in.

Stop looking at me.

Oh, Lilybeth, sometimes I think I'm not getting anywhere with you. What do you

think? I think you've got a good idea there.

All right, all right.

You'll be sorry someday when you see my picture in the paper.

Wait and see.

Hey, Lilybeth, why don't you answer the doorbell?

Maybe that Indigo guy wants in.

The doctor ain't home.

You'll have to call some other time.

Don't be silly.

Don't say I didn't tell you.

Close the door on your way out.

Hey, wait a minute.

Well, if it isn't Bull Raymond.

Shh, Terry.

Trying to ruin me?

Ruin him. Come here, Paul.

Meet Miss Cornell.

How do you do? I'm sure.

Likewise. How do you happen to be out with him?

Cute, darling, don't you think?

Flat at both ends, head and feet. You've heard me speak of him.

Paul Raymond.

Bill Raymond, if you please. Mr. Terry Lee, who's so -called reporter.

How do you happen to be out with a dish like this?

Jane Cornell.

Good for dull days in a man's life.

Terry told me about the time you shot up the dressmaker's dummy.

Huh? Yeah. He said you closed in on what you thought was the murderer, but it

turned out to be the dressmaker's dummy, and you shot it full of holes while the

real murderer got away.

My pal.

So this is where you've been hiding after they kicked you out for that

huh? Bull Bill, I mean.

What are you doing here?

Can't a man rehabilitate himself in peace?

Here I come, looking for an honest crime around here so I can solve it and get

myself back to Central. And you come along and... Where's the body bowl,

There ain't no body. That's the trouble.

Now, now, let's keep it friendly.

Friendly? What do you mean?

Let's have it. Who killed who and why?

Are you kidding?

Did somebody get knocked off around here?

Look, I don't like to be kidded either. Where is it hidden, Sherlock?

Oh, Terry, you've been on the police beat so long that... Now listen, Bill,

know me well enough to know I wouldn't come out here just for the ride.

Not when I could be, um... It just so happened that there was a call to the

police. Came from out here.

And I happened to be there when it came through.

Miss Cornell happens to be the operator.

So she tipped me off.

Told me the line had gone dead.

So I smelled the story, and here I am for an exclusive. You see what I mean?

What's in that?

Well, that's the doctor's consulting room, but there ain't nobody in there.

been standing here for quite a spell.

Open it up. Let's take a look.

That's funny. The lights in here ain't almost never round.

In you go.

Never do that. I could get killed that way.

Is that bad?

Oh, so nothing's happened around here, huh?

What?

There, see?

Like I said, there ain't nobody here.

Hey, cut it out, will you? You're making me dizzy.

Well, sure, somebody stumbled over it and pulled it out of the wall.

Could happen anywhere.

Oh, help!

Wants to shake hands with you, Bill?

Step right up.

Not me.

You seen it first.

Doc!

Raymond.

Did you try and kill me?

Why, Doc?

Why should I do that?

You ain't paid me for last month yet.

How long you been here?

Now, let me see.

I was going to make a telephone call when...

Somebody cocked your hand, Doctor? Then ripped the telephone wire off?

Yes, I imagine that is about what happened.

Who are these people?

Well, they're all right, Doc. This is Terry Lee and Miss Cornell from the

We don't want any reporters here. Nothing's happened.

Look, Doctor, nobody ever wants reporters. But then something happens,

they are.

But nothing has happened.

I fell and hurt my head.

Oh, I see. Then you got up again, put yourself on the table, and got all nice

and pretty in that shroud there.

You won't get any story here. And now, if you'll excuse me, I have some work to

do. Doctor, do you mind if we stick around for a while, seeing that

happened? Well, why not?

Very well. You may stay for a while, but I warn you, if you make yourselves

objectionable in any way, I'll have Raymond throw you out.

Well, come on. You heard what the doctor said. He's busy.

Get out of the office.

Probably a pretty nice guy, caught in a tough spot. That's the way I see it.

You wouldn't want me to tell him you got kicked out of Homicide, would you,

Bill, old boy?

Oh, Terry, you're my pal. You know that, don't you?

Would I kick you out? You would if you could, Bill.

Now, why can't we have a little talk, quietly?

Well, if you'd just follow me in the parlor over here.

Oh, me too, darling, me too.

Darling knows everything about everyone, and that's how I learned.

I just did a defeating lesson.

Yeah?

Baby, I'm going to miss you an awful lot when I grow tired of you. Now,

remember, you're just going to listen. Well, of course, darling. What else do I

do when I'm with you?

Sit down.

Now, as I remember it, there was a singer at the Click Club who called

Laura LaValle.

Didn't she marry young Ward Vanney a couple of years ago?

Uh, I don't know nothing about it.

Oh, yes, you do.

It was just about the same time that you had that affair with the dressmaker's

dummy.

Oh, uh, oh, yeah. Yeah, now I remember, Terry.

You're right, you're right.

She was down at the Click Club, and it was her that married Ward.

Wasn't that on a bet of some kind?

Well, there was a party going on, and somebody dared Ward to ask the singer to

marry him, and he thought at the time it was a good gag, and he went along with

it. That's right.

He got pretty high and then popped the question at her.

How romantic.

I just love that.

Hush, dear.

L -I -L -T -E -N.

Oh.

Well, that's how it happened anyway.

Ward woke up the next morning and found himself married solid.

He'd asked her and she'd snapped him up. Oh, and they lived snappily ever after.

I don't care. I think it was sweet.

Darling, couldn't I get you high sometime?

Sweetheart, have you ever heard the old saying about little girls?

What's that?

Little girls should be seen and not heard. Now go on, pout of your nose.

Hey, Chippin' Diphead, you just gonna take that?

We're just getting started.

We were talking about a singer who called herself Laura LaValle and pushed

way into this house for good reasons of her own.

Gentlemen, I beg your pardon.

I must tell you frankly, I have been eavesdropping.

Professor Leonide, this is a reunion.

My boy, you must forgive me.

You seem to remember me.

But I do not recollect you.

When was it?

What was it?

Oh, Professor, it was a long time ago when I was a kid up in the balcony in

Albany. Yes?

When you brought down the house with great feats of legendary domain. Oh.

You remember, Professor.

That was the night that the box office receipts disappeared, just like magic.

Part of the act, my boy. Just a part of the act.

It's a pleasure to meet one of my youthful admirers.

Terry Lee of the Central City Times.

The press.

Well, it's nice to have known you.

Wait a minute, Professor.

What's your hurry? Are you afraid I might bring up the subject of those

unfortunate recent connections of yours?

Shut in the dark, my boy, I'm sure.

And I will ignore it.

Of course.

And this young lady, no doubt a companion of yours.

Jane Cornell, my fiancée.

Delighted. Likewise, I'm sure.

Delightful.

And I would suggest... Did you just see what he did with his hand? That is

acting.

Mr. Lee.

I haven't had a chance to talk to him yet, Mrs. Van E. Never mind. I'll tell

myself. Darling, I met her upstairs, and I told her all about you, and that you

know everything about everyone.

Thank you very much, dear.

Welcome to your living room, Mrs. Van E. Thank you, but it isn't my living room.

I understand you're not unaware of my position in this house.

Well, maybe you can tell us about it.

I'm being kept a prisoner here against my will.

I'm alone and friendless.

I'm sorry.

Why haven't you called the police?

They've done nothing but to call the police they have kept me penniless that

can't leave I understand They're trying to destroy my mind mentally

by innuendo and indirection They're trying to make me believe I've done

something dreadful in the past going to be the victim of a horrible bitch You

know best about that. I'm innocent. Mr. Lee. I've done nothing Now this doctor's

brought some stranger here with these tricks and illusions to further make me

you mean the professor and his little

You must help me, Mr. Lee.

Laura!

It's so good to see you downstairs again after all these days being locked in

your room. You know perfectly well why I've remained locked in my room.

Ward, this is Mr. Lee of the Times, the gentleman I told you about upstairs.

Oh, yes.

Look here, Mr. Lee. We don't want any more of that front page splash stuff

as I got when I married Laura.

Your wife's been telling us that she's being kept here under constant threat.

She is out of her mind.

See what I mean, Mr. Lee?

They don't overlook a single chance to put it in my head that I'm crazy.

Perhaps I can explain, Mr. Lee.

We don't believe there's anything wrong with Laura now.

But we are sure something will happen to her mind if she continues to live under

this strain.

Just as I told you, they're behind it.

Can't I make that clear to you?

They spend all their time trying to terrify me. They write me letters and

reading. They send me dummy heads wrapped in green paper. Anything to

me so I can't sleep. I can't think. The only thought in my head is that I'm

going to be killed.

These are very serious charges, gentlemen.

And I might say to make a perfect front page splash.

I believe you could dare print a word about those ravings of my wife. Don't do

anything to make me think they aren't ravings, Mr. Verney.

He said to put the blindfold on and you will know the truth.

No!

What's wrong with her, Doc? Quiet, Raymond.

You don't mean that she's dead, Raymond.

Oh, hello, darling.

I'm just going over the e -vite responses for tonight's party on my die

Let's see.

56 yeses. Yay!

28 noes.

Boo.

38 maybes.

Oh, yeah?

Well, maybe you won't get invited to my party next year.

And 178 waiting for replies.

What the hell are these people waiting for? Christmas?

The party starts in less than an hour.

One must not expect too much of certain types of mentality.

Yeah, you're telling me. It's called basic Halloween party etiquette, people.

Learn some.

Well, I have a feeling that this... Bee Movie is about to take a detour towards

Freaky Town.

So buckle up, my little misfit. You're in for the exciting next part of

Scared to Death.

Ew.

Ew.

Ew.

Ew.

Finally,

a black one.

Mmm.

Welcome back to Elvira's Movie Macabre Halloween Party Edition.

So far, we picked a pair of perfect pumpkins, cooked up some cocktails, and

scared the bejesus out of some kids.

Now, all that's left is the fun and games.

No, don't touch me!

No, not that kind of fun and games, honey.

Well, not yet, anyway.

Of course, you'll want to have a few parlor games on hand as icebreakers.

Hangman's always a crowd pleaser.

Or, if you're friends with a gambling type, Russian roulette. I mean, that is

always fun.

Well, for everyone except one person, anyway.

There are tons of other fun Halloween games, though, like bobbing for kittens.

I think it'll be better if you leave everything to me.

Oh, right. You can't even produce a decent murder in under two hours.

Well, darling, before we go back to the accidents, here's another good game.

First, you take two regular toothpicks, then you prop them in your eyes to stay

awake. Uh, careful not to puncture anything, kids.

Then I knew that he was here.

She's coming out of it. But she's in an advanced state of shock.

Maybe necessary to administer a sedative.

Oh, too late.

I'd like to hear her do some more talking, Doctor.

If her mind is allowed to dwell upon what's happened, that may be the

point.

Well, you've got all the answers.

Look here, Lee, I don't like your tone.

If you have any insinuations to make, make them to me.

Okay, I will.

Suppose you and I talk this over downstairs.

I don't recognize your right to question me. However, if it'll make you leave

father alone... Bill, fix

yourself a chair right outside the door and don't leave until I get back.

Sure, sure. But what about Lily, Pat?

Don't she write nothing around here?

Now, Lee, first I'd like to see your credentials.

You're busting here saying you're a reporter.

That'd be all turn -the -table gig, Manny, but if it'll make you any

take a look.

All right, you're a reporter.

But I still don't understand how you and the young lady got the news about our

troubles.

Do you really believe that story, Lee?

Do you in your right senses really believe that we are keeping Laura a

here? That's what the lady says. She said that... Nothing.

Nothing would please me more than if she got out.

Look, I don't get any of this stuff, Vanny, but there's a tricky deal going

around here and I intend to fit in on it.

Too bad I can't flash the city desk to make ready for a front page replay.

Yes, isn't it?

Either your wife is the victim of a well -plotted problem of persecution

calculated to drive her insane...

Or she's the witch you say she is.

You're the fellow with the nose for news.

What does it tell you?

It tells me that right now I'd like to know where your disappearing relative

And this is that old ritual we call the hokey pokey.

What's out there? I have a right to know.

Don't see anything.

What was it?

It isn't possible. It isn't possible. Of course. What do you see out there, Lee?

I've had enough of this.

Come on.

Are you nervous, Miss Gournay?

Oh, no. I think it's very exciting.

Well, Professor, I thought I just saw you outside, bang at the moon.

You disturbed her sleep.

Where have you been?

Why don't you start acting normally for a change? You're bringing suspicion upon

all of us.

I, my boy?

What the way now?

Some more as you tell us.

Has no one arranged to silence you yet, Mr. Lee?

What a pity.

I don't silence very easy, Professor.

And it'll take a lot more than what you've done to her.

Do you suggest that I have a hand in that poor girl's unfortunate demise?

Why don't you behave yourself, Professor?

Mr. Van E here has the right idea.

You're just gunning up the works.

I did my humble best.

Who are you working for?

What do you expect to get out of it?

I'm discharging a debt, Mr. Lee.

A debt contracted many years ago.

Now, are you any wiser than you were a moment ago?

No, but I'm beginning to get a general idea.

By the way, how is that little girl of yours?

I hope fervently that nothing happened to her.

She would look so beautiful lying here.

Look, Professor, I may not have been very smart in bringing Miss Cornell

but if I thought you had any plan to do that... Why do you persist in making me

the villain, Mr. Lee?

Now we will let you be the witness, Mr. Lee. I am here.

The sounds came from upstairs.

Right.

Always reliable.

Now what are you rehearsing? In there, Terry.

In there. It's murder.

All right.

Jenny, Jenny, wake up. Wake up.

Oh, Terry.

Tell me, what happened? Oh, Terry, darling.

Let me think.

Everything went black in it. Yes? Then it started to talk.

What started to talk? I don't know. That thing.

Now, look.

Let's get back to the beginning. I left you here with Dr. Van E. Yeah, and then

he gave Mrs. Van E a shot with a long needle.

Never mind that.

All right.

Then he said, would I sit with Mrs. Van E?

Okay, okay. Where is she now?

Who? Mrs. Van E.

Where did she go?

That's just what I asked you, Janie. Well, she was right here.

Then Dr. Van E went out. Then what happened?

Well, oh, then Bill Raymond came in.

Oh, that's great. The two of you in the same room at the same time. How did you

communicate with each other? Sign language?

Oh, I don't care.

All you do is make fun of me. I didn't ask to convince this whatever it is. Oh,

yes, you did, dear.

Don't you remember? You said you wanted to see what the life of a reporter was

like.

Don't forget, Mr. Lee.

One must not expect too much of certain types of mentality.

Shut up, Bill Raymond. I remember you when you couldn't even make a wreck.

We can't go home, darling. We've got to get a story.

Why?

You don't understand.

Yes, I do. Why do we have to get the story? Who cares?

She's got you there.

All right.

Now, you tell me. What happened to you?

Me? Well, you said to stay outside the door, and I pulled up a chair.

That's right. She was inside the door, and you were outside.

Then come that odor of heavenly perfume.

That wasn't any better.

It was sweet and penetrating, like an ancient drug.

And I felt kind of sleepy -like. Oh, so sleepy.

At last, he had me under his power.

Wake up!

What? Huh? What?

What? Oh, yeah.

Scared to death.

More like bored to death.

I did my humble best.

Oh, Bella, then that's kind of pathetic.

I mean, I've had bigger scares reading the nutritional information on the box

Thin Mints I just bought from the Girl Scout.

Although they were delicious.

Thin Mints, I mean.

Now let's get back to more scared to death here on... Yes,

Martha. Can I leave soon?

I can't feel my legs anymore.

So long as your little fingers can rotate through dough, you're staying

Besides, I need you at the party.

Will I be able to mingle?

Mingle? Of course you will.

I mean, who do you think's serving the drinks?

Oh,

welcome

back. I've just been putting Santa Claus out of his misery.

Ha ha!

I'm just kidding.

I'm making a giant ice sculpture bust of yours, cruelly.

Emphasis on the bust.

Now, of course, Martha is a regular Michelangelo with a chainsaw. Aren't

Martha?

Martha?

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I just escaped!

Pull the drawbridge!

Release the hound! Activate her ankle bracelet!

Oh, I cannot believe the queen of entertaining has slept for her life just

minutes before my Halloween party.

She knew how much tonight meant to me, and yet she chewed through her leather

restraints anyway.

What's this?

Oh my gosh.

Dear Elvira, thank you for a wonderful time in your basement. Your skills at

party planning have inspired me to revamp my own Halloween ball.

I'll... Always cherish the moments and memories we shared together this festive

holiday season and look forward to many more. Your devoted fan, Martha Stewart.

Did you guys hear that?

Martha freaking Stewart gave me, Elvira the Queen of Halloween, that hostess

props? Oh, I knew I had it in me all along.

That is just the nicest thing anyone I've forced to spend 48 hours locked

a crate has ever said to me.

Must be my first guest.

I better answer the door and crank up the old iVictrola.

Meanwhile, we return now to the thrilling conclusion of Garrett to

Take it away, Bella!

There must be a button or a gadget of some kind around here.

Two o 'clock, almost deadline for the nine o 'clock final.

Oh, Terry, what makes you think there's anything behind them walls?

I've got a sneaking suspicion that the professor uses them for a disappearing

act. I wish Lillipet was here to take me a cup of coffee.

No, she's right over in the doctor's office. Why don't you ask her?

Poor Lillipet.

I kind of hinted that all I needed was a murdered body, but I didn't think she'd

take it personal.

Will you stay with those walls?

I've been around him three times, Terry.

The thing I can't understand is the professor was down here when the trouble

going on upstairs.

He just had to be two different guys in order to have a hand in it.

Oh, Terry, let's figure it out in the morning, huh?

What's that?

Wake up.

Either something or somebody opened the front door.

That's the shortest night's sleep I've had in a long time.

All right. Now that you're good and rested, let's see if we can understand

happened upstairs.

Well, do you think it had something to do with that picture, maybe, that

Lilibeth found in Mrs. Vanney's room?

What picture?

Oh, the one with the couple with the two masks, you know, like we found, like

that mask.

Who has the picture now?

Well, young Vanney, I guess.

That's the point.

Where has Mr. Van E. been since his wife disappeared?

Well, him and his old man are sleeping.

I guess they got some sense.

No, no, no. I've already checked that, and they haven't slept in their beds

tonight.

Wake up!

I refuse to answer on the grounds that my tender incriminator degraded me.

My unconscious mind.

Now, look, Bill, please stay awake for a while.

Now, look, tell me, what happened when you smelled that sweet odor in the hall

upstairs?

No, it smelled lovely.

Lovely, that's all I can remember.

And Dr. Vanney had already left Laura's room, is that right?

Yeah, he'd gone out, and he said goodnight, and he had given her some

or something that he said would take care of her in the morning, and then he

went down the hall to his own room.

And then you fell asleep?

Yeah, no, I just kind of... Dozed off a little.

Like this.

Here's your coffee, sir.

Terry, that's a dirty trick.

Stay on the other side of that window. What for?

Take a look.

I'm looking. What do you see?

Why, it's Professor Leonid.

You think so?

Come on, get outside.

Who, me?

Yes, you. I can't go out there with Jane in here. Well, why can't I stay inside

and watch and you go outside?

Oh, that's great. You'll watch the way you did upstairs. Now, do you want that

guy to get away?

Yes.

Standing there shaking in your boots, aren't you ashamed of yourself?

No. Well, you should be. Go on, Bill. This is your one chance to rehabilitate

yourself.

Wait, I never even heard of the word.

Look out! The bushes!

Have your gun ready.

What good is a gun against what's going on around here?

Lillibat.

Oh, gee.

This ain't natural.

Who are you talking to?

The woman I love.

Poor little angel. Try and speak to me.

She can't hear you.

Oh, what is it, Indigo? Did Timmy fall in the well?

What was you doing outside?

You're supposed to be dead.

Now, you stay right here, honey. I got to catch that guy in the shrubbery.

What are you doing? Don't tell me, Lillibet.

I got work to do.

Lillibet, be reasonable, will you? If you don't cooperate, I'll never get back

to Central.

Never mind, Raymond. Take care of Lillibet.

Lillibet?

Yeah.

That's who it was. I opened the door and she fell right in my arm.

Like she had something special to tell me.

You notice that presence about her?

To think this wounded flower was once even as you and I. Take her back into

Van E's office. What's she doing wandering around? She's supposed to be a

What happened to that guy outside?

Never mind.

You found her.

I never knew she was lost.

I missed her. I missed her from my office.

Will you please take her back?

What are you gonna do?

Yes, doctor, and what have you been doing?

We've turned this house upside down trying to find you.

Hardly that, young man. If you'd done that, you would have found me.

Now, Raymond, we can't allow the field to remain in this condition any longer.

Well, what can you do?

You look like a perfect snitch to me.

Bring him into my office.

Oh, doctor.

This may not be any news to you, but your daughter -in -law has disappeared.

Oh, how dreadful.

But let us say somewhat overdue.

Hey, Mr. Lee. You don't seem very surprised to hear about it.

Young man, when you've been devoutly praying for something to happen, you

your good fortune without question.

We thought that probably you might be able to throw some light on the subject.

That's right, Raymond.

Leave her there.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with her.

Huh?

And you mean I've been pining away for nothing?

She was put in a deep hypnotic sleep, that's all.

But why?

Why, Doc?

Who done it?

It was done so that she would obey certain orders that were transmitted to

If that's true, then why did you declare her dead? I had my own good reasons.

Would you give me one reason why you like to go around getting hit on the

That must become a little monotonous. Mr. Lee, are you sure that you saw what

you thought you saw?

I'm not blind. I might be getting a little dizzy in this madhouse.

You know, Doctor, morning isn't very far off.

And when the police get here, you've got an awful lot of explaining to do.

You're in this up to your neck. By morning, let us hope no explanations

necessary.

Everything will have explained itself.

Poor little sleeping beauty.

Do you suppose someone thought she looked weak -minded and picked her out

carry out his commands?

That's not always the case, Raymond.

If Leonide were here, we could settle this case very quickly.

Gentlemen.

It is my peculiar misfortune to always be in a position where I may eavesdrop.

How can I be of service, cousin Joseph?

Oh, Professor.

Ask me no questions, my friend, and I will tell you no lies.

Leonide, you could undo certain mischief that has been done with this girl.

I know you can help if you will.

I could, my dear Joseph.

But I will not bring down the wrath of the unknown madman who is loose about

these premises.

It is a matter of self -preservation.

I had nothing to do with hypnotizing this girl.

I have an idea that she may have already carried out the unknown's orders and

that he no longer needs her.

Nevertheless, my dear Joseph, you must excuse me.

Just a minute, Professor.

I wonder what would happen, Professor, if in connection with your sudden

reappearance here...

Somebody dug up the old story of why you swindled Dr. Varney and then ran off

and let him take the rap.

I will not be blackmailed, Mr. Lee.

And I observe again that you're a young man who knows too much for his own good.

And I would also like to know where you obtained all this information.

You're extremely young to have your fingertips on a vent of 20 years ago.

I have a memory like an elephant. I never forget something once I hear it.

sharpie, Professor.

As every one of you will admit before morning.

Now, Doctor, I'd like to bore you with a few questions.

I wouldn't mind, young man, if you had the slightest idea of what you were

looking for.

Maybe if we start back to the time around midnight, when you administered

you call a sedative to your daughter -in -law.

How'd you find out? Google?

Why do you keep evading the issue, Doctor? You know you'll have to confess

the police get here anyway.

I would remind you, young man, that you're making a direct accusation, and I

refuse to answer.

Look, I want the facts and I want them now. Let's cut out the mulberry bush

routine. Listen, Bill, you're supposed to be a cop and you want to get back to

homicide. Help me make the doctor loosen up.

He knows a lot more than he's telling.

Sure, I'll help, Terry, but first let's get Lilybeth out of this.

Maybe she can tell us something.

Yes, Mr. Lee, it seems to me that you're not too anxious to have Lilybeth

restored to consciousness.

What do you hear, Doc?

Her heart's in a very depressed condition.

Someone's been giving her orders by mental telepathy.

Hey, could I learn to do that?

Supposing Lilybeth was in the kitchen. Could I telegraph her a wish for a cup

coffee? Perhaps, Raymond. Someday, when we have a little time, I'll indicate the

principles of hypnosis to her.

Maria Joseph.

The principle of hypnosis isn't as simple as you would make them believe.

It requires a long and patient study.

But I will risk the rest of the unknown.

For I see you truly love this child.

And for your sake, for your sake, I shall use my knowledge.

Oh, gee, thanks, Professor.

You're solid.

Lily Beth, darling.

Keep your big hands to yourself. What are you slapping me for?

Professor, put her back to sleep. It's better that way. What have you been

to me?

Me? What have I been doing? Yes, what have you been doing? You've got to learn

me that hypnotism trick. It's my only chance.

Tell me, Lily Beth, what happened?

Well, I can't seem to remember it.

It all seems like a dream.

Did you see anyone?

No, but I do remember a perfume, a sweet odor.

Yes, yes, go on.

What is it?

Is it Halloween?

No, it isn't.

Then why was that green face bobbing up at the window?

What? Yeah, a green face is like the one I saw in Mrs. Van E's room.

You saw a green face in Mrs. Van E's room?

Darling, that's what she was shooting at. I mentioned it to you, but you're so

scatterbrained. Yes, dear, I'm scatterbrained.

Does your mind feel rested now on everything after your nap?

Mm -hmm. That's a good girl.

Now, come on, tell me, what happened?

Oh!

I can tell you just how it happened. We were alone in the room, and Laura was

going to sleep. And then she said, oh, take away the bandage. And I said, what

bandage? And then she said, oh, don't shoot me. I didn't mean to do it. And

the room got awfully black.

I think somebody must have turned off the lights.

Just like that.

Go ahead. You're doing fine.

Well. Yeah, the lights had already gone out.

And the room got awfully dark. You've already said that.

Think hard now.

You saw a green mask.

It came out of the wardrobe.

Like a moth?

Yes, darling, just like a moth. Oh, how clever of you. It was just like a great

big moth, and it flew around and around. Please don't make yourself any dizzier

than you are.

Now tell me the rest of it.

Well, I just don't see how you could remember that it was like a great big

Did you see it? Was you there hiding in the wardrobe, maybe?

No, I wasn't in the wardrobe.

Now look, Jane, please, be yourself.

No, I mean don't be yourself.

Just relax.

Relax. Mr. Lee.

Just a moment.

Where were you?

Were you upstairs?

No, I was down here talking with your son.

And by the way, where is he?

Here I am, Mr. Lee.

What can I do for you?

Will you stop it?

Yes, I was listening outside the door.

You haven't answered my father's question yet.

Oh, come on. Take it easy. Take it easy.

Maybe you can tell us where you've been, Mr. Vanney.

Of course you don't know anything about your wife's whereabouts.

Oh, go on. Tell him where she is. I want to go home.

I'm hungry.

Quiet,

everybody. Quiet. Laura.

Don't. No, don't.

Don't.

Laura. She's under a hypnotic spell.

Ladies and gentlemen, it has been an exciting night, and you all are

of some explanation and relaxation for the strange goings -on.

The guy who's doing the talking is behind the wall somewhere.

Now you're getting smart, Sherlock.

We introduce at this time the team of Lorette and René, as they appeared at

height of their success in the green room of the Paris Crayon.

Sure, the mask, the picture.

Mademoiselle Lorette.

Now I know who he is.

Mademoiselle Lorette will now put a bandage over her eyes.

The better to see the inner truth.

Very good, René.

Very good.

Just like the old time.

Would any member of the audience like to ask Mademoiselle a question?

Come, Mr. Lee. You have been so full of questions up to now.

I'm thinking, brother.

We cannot keep Mamsel too long in this delicate mental balance.

She has been under a great strain lately.

Then I will ask the questions myself.

Yes, Rennie, I'm at your command.

Are you afraid now?

No, I'm quite safe.

Will you tell the truth?

Yes.

They came to me and said your partner, he of the magic feats and rare

impersonations, is a spy.

But we can't prove it.

We will give you a million francs if you, Laurette, bring us that proof.

Now we shall know.

You gave them the proof they wanted?

Yes.

They took him away to be killed?

Yes. What was he to you, this man you betrayed?

This man you sold to the enemy for money?

He was my husband.

When they told you he was to be executed?

You sent this man a gift for his last moment before the firing squad.

What was it?

It was a green scarf for his eyes.

Like the one you're wearing now?

Yes. Why did you send it?

It was my scarf.

I wanted him to know I had betrayed him because I hated him.

He was good and kind, but I hated him for the power he had over me.

I see.

That is your only defense you hated.

You thought they shot him.

You escaped to America.

You thought you were safe.

Then you found out he was alive and wanted revenge.

Thank you, Mademoiselle Laurette.

You may remove the bandage now.

What do you see on the cloth, Mademoiselle?

There's a hole in it.

Yes. What else, Laurette?

What else?

There's blood on it.

There's blood.

I have come back.

I am here.

And I will have my revenge.

No!

No, don't touch me!

Outside,

under the window. You know where.

Yes, he had his revenge.

The living, immortal terror that he found.

Just a minute, lady. You ain't going nowhere.

Well, if it ain't Mrs. Williams.

Come along with me.

Come on, come on. You want me to slug you? Get inside.

Hey, Terry, Terry, come here.

Get a load of this.

There's your man.

What a drag.

I never laid a hand on you, my boy.

You kept your promise to me. You said you wouldn't touch her.

But she's dead, ain't she?

And you ain't going nowhere till we find out what killed her. And you,

Professor, you know too much for your own good.

I'm holding you, too.

Now you're getting smart, Bill.

Well, Professor, I see you two know each other. Yes.

Rene was my assistant.

I taught him everything he knows.

He went out for himself and became a success.

Later, we met in a concentration camp.

And here we are.

A small world, Mr. Lee.

A small world, indeed.

Is this the place where you get the marriage license?

No, dear, this is the morgue. The morgue. Oh, darling, you say the cutest

The morgue! Oh!

Never mind, dear. You just stay right here. Nobody will get you.

Oh, but... Well, doctor, got anything to add to my story of the year?

Who's this Renee?

Renee was her husband. She turned him over for her son. Figured the Nazis

take care of him, but he had ideas of his own.

Look, doc, was it murder?

Do I finally get a break? Was she murdered?

We're sending the report to the police. What's it saying?

Oh, come on, doctor. Don't hold out on us.

I didn't understand it at first, but I do now.

There were no marks of violence on the body, and we found no internal

disturbances. What does this all add up to, doctor? Yes, what's happened?

She was literally scared to death.

Well, darling, that about wraps it up for another year.

Thanks for stopping by and spending the best night of the year with Queen

Halloween. I hope you got everything you expected in your trick -or -treat bag.

And more.

Now, I don't know about you, but I am ready to party.

Who's up for a round of bobbing for boobies?

That was a dream.