Original subtitles

Hey, Greg. Hold on a second.

Hey. What's going on? Hello. Welcome to Hell.

Got any debit cards?

We are about to release the sequel to "Fried Alive"

for you, our fans, which means more blood,

more boobs, more batter.

So, batter up for an extra crispy good time.

We only need $400,000

and put a fork in it -- our financing's done.

At the $5 level, our tater tot level,

you get a exclusive e-mail updates from...

That's a cool collection.

Thank you, yeah. Y-You see my Italian poster?

It's super rare.

It's "Il Fritto Vivo!"

I'm talking about the credit cards, you idiot.

You been swiping wallets off the noobs

coming down the chute, so you can do what,

start your own Planet Hollywood down here?

Nothing so prestigious as that.

If I give $75, I can be an executive producer

on the new "Fried Alive." They're making a new one?!

Oh, that franchise hasn't been right

since they went to space.

Yeah, "Freeze Dried Alive." [ Chuckling ] Well -- Yes!

Do you remember when he tried to fry

Saturn's rings?! Fry Saturn's rings!

Why was NASA sending a fry chef,

who was a murderer, into space?

Oh, let me watch this pitch here. Let's see.

Then you can make "Fried Alive 11:

Hail to the Chef" a reality.

Rudy, the root of all evil, is back.

And now he's head chef at the White House.

So when the president, the cabinet, and all of Congress

mysteriously get deep fried to death,

Rudy is sworn in as Commander in Chief.

With Rudy's finger on the button,

global conflicts are about to get extra crispy.

Rudy cannot speak!

How is he supposed to talk about legislature?!

I-I know! How is he supposed to do fireside chats?

The formula for "Fried Alive" is simple --

all you need is Rudy, a deep fryer,

and a chick with big tits.

It's a hero's journey into the fryer.

We could write the next "Fried Alive." We definitely should.

We are are gonna write the next "Fried Alive."

We're not actually going to. No, we're going to do it.

Why can't we write it? Gary, come on.

You and me. Anton McDuffy owns the rights.

Sequel--

How did you do that? Yeah.

He uploaded that video, like, a week ago.

Who's writing the next "Fried Alive" now?!

You and--

[ Both laugh ]

[ Both groaning ]

♪♪

[ Engine turns off ]

[ Sighs ]

[ Truck door closes ]

[ Wolf howls in distance ]

[ Thunder rumbles ]

Welcome to day one of the writer's retreat.

Home, sweet home, huh?

Get comfy, and then we're gonna write the new "Fried Alive."

Revived and refried.

Troy's getting the party started. Do we have any limes?

There's a lime tree down in the basement.

I'll be right back.

♪♪

♪♪

[ Maniacal laughter ]

You know, when Gary and I hatched this crazy idea

to write a "Fried Alive" script,

we decided we wanted to do something fresh and original,

but with that classic Rudy feel.

So, uh...put your thinking caps on,

just start throwing ideas as us.

See, as long as all the ideas take place

with Rudy having access to a fryer

so all of the action of the film

happens inside of a diner.

Okay, I think it could be, maybe, scarier

if he, like, could leave the diner,

get out of his element,

and, like, see if he could get people--

I think... No.

No. Uh, Rudy lives in the diner.

He lives behind the fryer. And who are you?

I'm Ashley, and I will say, Satan,

even though women are 50% of the population,

I am thrilled to be one-sixth of this writers' room.

I have never met you before. Well, technically,

you're one-seventh of the writers' room.

Don't forget about Johnny.

[ Humming tune ]

What's going on there, Johnny?

I'm writing the theme music in my mind --

theme music.

[ Resumes humming ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Screams ]

[ Grunting ]

[ Screaming in distance ] Let's go check that out!

Come on. Yeah. We probably should.

Satan: Troy?! Troy?

[ Screams ] What's wrong?

Oh, something grabbed me!

With hands like -- like two fried catfish

and long crispy fingers! No, no.

Troy, Troy! Relax, relax.

I'm sure it's nothing.

[ Cats meow ]

[ Chuckling ] Oh. It's just my 50 cats.

Yeah, I feed them these fish sticks.

You probably thought those were fingers.

-Ew! -[ Laughter ]

That's what it was probably, I guess.

What if Rudy eats a raw camper in his sleeping bag

like a sushi roll? Rudy's not some kind of,

like, travel blog, like foodie,

raw food-to-table kind of guy, okay?

He fries people like carnival food, so...

Claude: Okay. I have a pitch.

So, everybody knows that all these movies

are totally lame and hacky.

So we do the behind the scenes of a making of a "Fried Alive,"

but Rudy starts killing the cast and crew.

See, and we intercut them dying

with the movie they're making.

But we're -- we are making a "Fried Alive" movie.

And we'd be making a movie about fictitious people

making a movie. Other people making a "Fried Alive" movie.

Yes. So we're gonna hire a whole other production company

to make another movie.

No, we're gonna hire one production company

to make it look like there's another

production company making a movie.

It's meta, Gary.

Oh, well, I never meta idea I liked less.

Other ideas, please.

What if Rudy dies, okay,

and has a sister who carries on his name?

A female reboot. I like it. I like it.

No. No. Write it down, write it down.

No. No. Yes. Yes, down.

Write it. I will not.

He's an only child. Right, I never watched it--

He was raised alone in a vat of fetuses

by the evil Nazi Dr. Melchior.

How far are we gonna soften him?

Why don't we do a thing where he goes,

and he moves to the suburbs

and he meets the lovely Tara Reid,

and they -- and he gets an office job.

And he has two or three kids.

Um, I mean that -- that could work.

That might humanize him.

You cannot humanize...

something that wasn't human to begin with.

We're making some kind of, oh...

"Sisterhood of the Traveling Rudy Pants."

"How Rudy Got His Groove Back."

We making one of those?

He fries heads, bodies, and titties,

and he eats them -- end of story.

Then why in the hell are we brainstorming?

We're trying to come up with different ways

for him to trick busty coeds into the fryer.

Who's Rudy?

Satan: I think we're gonna call it a day.

We -- We made a lot of progress,

and we're gonna go right back at it tomorrow.

♪♪

[ Gurgling ]

♪♪

Eddie: This water is thick.

And yellow.

♪♪

Do you mind, Ashley?

Oh. I am... so sorry.

Leave the shower on.

I'm gonna go in there once I'm done grunting this out.

Okay. Yes, okay.

[ Rumbling ]

[ Rumbling intensifies ]

[ Screams ]

[ Cats meow ]

Ahh!

[ Engine whirring ]

[ Water bubbles rapidly ]

[ Pipes rumble ]

[ Gasping ]

Corn meal? That's not normal?

Rudy's back!

It's Rudy!

Is the -- um... Is the shower free?

Are you done? No!

The shower's shooting corn meal.

It's probably just the pipes settling.

[ Screaming in distance ]

Eddie?! [ Gasps ]

If he can fry us this far away from the diner,

then he can do anything!

I'm very sorry, Ashley. You are correct.

It's much scarier if he can leave the diner.

Everybody get back inside, get a weapon.

Move, now.

All right.

He's prepping us.

One by one, he's prepping us.

All of our brainstorming here in the cabin has stirred up

some -- some psychic residue that has created a real Rudy.

Oh, yeah, is that how it works? Yeah.

Guy, you see all these spigots pointing inward?

They're dripping canola oil.

Look. It's metal wiring.

It's kind of like a -- like a fry basket.

The house is a fryer! It's a deep fryer!

All right, listen, the only way to beat him

is if we all stick together.

But I'm gonna go upstairs.

He has locked us in here to lock in our flavors.

He wants to get through our golden crust

to our moist middles.

You haven't watched the entire franchise.

You don't know what he's capable of, man!

[ Rumbling ] [ All screaming ]

Rudy's coming to get us through the fireplace!

Oh!

[ Rumbling ]

[ Cats meow ]

How many cats does this guy have?

[ Growling ]

♪♪

Get your stuff.

Just stand here.

[ Knocking ]

Come on.

[ Grunting ]

Yeah. [ Laughing ]

All right, look. Here's the deal.

Satan's doing this whole thing

where we're in a movie, and we're getting chased around.

It's the meta thing, basically, that I pitched.

I don't know if Gary's in on it or not,

'cause he might not be

mentally capable enough to pull it off.

So, if you want to be running around all night

being part of the charade, that's fine, but I'm out.

So, um...

see you guys on Monday.

[ Gunshot ]

[ Body thuds ]

Troy: Wait. We can do that?

Ugh. There's only one bullet in this.

Come on, come on. Come on, come on.

So you guys gotta tighten up here, come on.

Stop screwing around. Ashley: Okay, yeah.

[ Gunshot ]

Troy, Ash-- It's Rudy! Rudy's coming!

No, it's Rudy! Aw, damn it.

I'm sorry, Rudy.

[ Groans ]

Claude ruins... everything.

[ Keyboard clacking ]

[ Sighs loudly ]

[ Slurping ]

Morning, Gary.

So relieved to see you escaped Rudy's clutches.

Yeah, I mean, honestly, I think this time,

we got Rudy for good.

You're being sarcastic.

'Cause being in a horror movie is a solid torture.

Come on, I knew the second we pulled up

to the cabin that something was up.

Yeah, Gary, it was pretty predictable.

Who are you? Yeah, it was a fail.

I'm shutting it down. No, no, no, no!

We already got the cabin built.

We'll just run it again --

dumber people, fewer clues.

Here we are. Day one of the writer's retreat.

Let me guess, the whole cabin is a fryer?

Yeah, it is.

I'll see you guys Monday.

[ Gunshot ]