All language subtitles for The.Adderall.Diaries.2015.WEB-DL.x264-FGT

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Okay, now are you ready?
-Yeah. -Okay. We're gonna...

you gotta hold on tight.
Squeeze, squeeze. You ready?

You're the one who should be
in front of the camera.

What are you doin'
hidin' back there?

There she is, ladies and gentlemen,
the most beautiful woman in the world.

Just like out of a fairy tale.
Wave to daddy.

Daddy. Hi, daddy.
-Throw daddy a kiss.

Get off me.

Get the fuck off me.
I just wanna sleep.

Shut up! Get up!
-Help! Somebody help.

Hi.
-Pick up the phone!

I can't find it. -I got some
news you're gonna want to hear.

Oh, yeah, what?
-Penguin... Loved the proposal.

Shut the fuck up!
-We've got a deal.

Are you serious? That's awesome!
-Yeah. They're wiring the money today,

and I got you twice what you asked
me for. -What? You're the best!

Yeah, I'm a miracle worker. -Holy shit!
That's great. So why... What now?

So now you write it. All they need
is a 20-page excerpt every month

and other than that
you're a free man...

oh, and they wanna have
a party in a few weeks...

black tie, canapes, et cetera,
et cetera. Whoa! What?

Go buy yourself a nice suit.
All right!

Okay, hon.
Talk later.

Pour it, when you pour it. First
bucket, baby! First bucket! -No, no.

That's one, that's one,
that's one! Bam!

Yeah, yes, motherfucker!
I will ruin you!

Your kids will weep at your
funeral! Man! No, no, no!

No, no, no!
Come on, man!

That's what I'm talkin' about.
That's my money. Give me that money!

You pay up, bitch. Gimme that money!
You son of a bitch.

Really? What is this, a down payment?
Hey, you missed everything.

I know, I know.
I had to go to the courthouse.

Yo, come on. What are you doin'? -It's over,
right? -No, we're watchin' the recap.

I gotta watch this
real quick.

No body, no weapon.
Next week hans Reiser goes on trial

for the murder of his wife.
Big questions arise... did he kill her,

or did she simply leave her
family to escape a bad marriage.

It's a haunting story as the
investigation of Nina Reiser continues.

The direct physical evidence against
hans is limited, but police have built

a detailed
circumstantial case.

Police have confirmed they
believed hans Reiser acted alone.

According to some, Nina...
-What is this? -It's hans.

He made the linux operating system...
big nerd celebrity.

I'm profiling the case for wired.
Hans says he lives for his kids.

In divorce court,
a critical ruling...

hans lost legal custody
of his precious children.

His life was falling apart.
I don't know where Nina is.

All I know is that the woman
that I love is gone

and her children keep asking me
when she's coming back

and I don't know what to tell them.
I'm just a husband and a father.

I'm a victim in all this. No one
took Nina, no one hurt her.

She just left.
Nina left her family.

And with that, the last
man known to have seen Nina

alive heads back to his cell.
-Hey, can you get me in?

To the trial?
-Yeah. -Why?

Where is Nina?
-Sure.

Hey, Stephen, it's Jen.

I know you know those pages
are due at penguin next week.

I hope it's going well.
Give me a call.

Hey, man. It's Josh.
I got you the Reiser interview.

You're welcome.
Call me.

Who are you?

I'm Stephen Elliott.

Uh, look,
I'm not talking to reporters.

I'm not a reporter.

I just want to write a book.

Well, that's kind of hard

to trust your kind of people.

Writers, they have a way of spinning
things the way they want to.

Yeah, I know.
I have a lot of ex-girlfriends

who have accused me
of the same thing.

Well, what do you
want to know?

Anything. I just...

I just want to hear
your story, that's it.

I'm not interested.

There's something there. He's sitting on
something, just waiting for a big reveal.

Like maybe
he killed his wife.

Yeah, maybe,
but why is the question.

Hey, is anybody dead
out there?

I want to pitch a book to Jen.
A true crime thing.

Yeah. -My in cold blood.
-Yeah. Better. Probably better.

What the hell is that?

Flip it.

That's my team,
from down below.

Sniff it. -You gave me your team?
-Yeah. -Yeah.

You got any blueberry sauce?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Put it where it goes, though.

Yeah, yeah.

The key is to put
a little bit of butter

in the balls like so.

Then you put a nice sloppy
helpin' on there,

and then let the blood flow
right to the other part.

A little wet,
and look at that.

Looks like shit.
All right. Hot cakes are ready.

Get your asses in here for some cakes.
Hey!

We cut my hair.
-Whoa! Check out this haircut.

God damn it!

Oh-oh! Wow!
He's got it! That is just...

What do you... What do you
think of it? You like it?

I think it's awesome.
-I think it's pretty awesome.

I think it's awesome
that you feel awesome

for the last day of school, but I gotta
tell you, man, that looks terrible.

Hey, you know what though,
maybe you should put a shirt on.

Looking like a deranged little
ragamuffin with no shirt on.

This is not the kind of parent
who disappears without warning.

This is not a mother
who abandons her children.

Nina Reiser was president of her
school's parent-teacher association.

She chaperoned field trips.
She did the class laundry.

Nina's children
were her entire world.

She would have never,
ever left them willingly.

And she most certainly
wouldn't have left them

with her estranged husband
of whom she was afraid.

The police were called
to the Reiser house

three times during the months
leading up to the separation.

Hans appeared twice
in family court

for refusing to pay for

his children's medical expenses.

The last time
he appeared in court,

his request to have the children
for labor day weekend

was denied.
Twelve hours later,

Nina Reiser disappeared
from the face of the earth.

When he was arrested,
he was carrying $9.000 in cash,

two books about
unsolved homicides

and a three-page letter.

The letter begins...

"I've been telling you
about Nina and nobody listens."

"I may be a danger
to the worldview of some,

but I am no danger
to my children."

Hey.

You forgot your notebook.

This is where you say thank you.
Thank you.

How much did you read?

Nah, just a little.
I had to find your name.

I want to see if I should be embarrassed.
I wrote, "hans Reiser trial.

Get transcript
of letter thing."

With search terms like that,
should be a breeze.

Let me see what you wrote.

Whoa!

This is thorough.

So really inadequate.

Miss Lana Edmond.

I write for the times.
Are you covering the trial?

Not sure yet.

Do you want to get a drink?
-Like right now or in general?

Right now.

I have to take a rain check.

I have to do something for work.
All right. I totally understand.

It's a really big decision.
You have to think about it a lot.

So you'll have plenty of time
to do that on our way there.

No fucking way! Is this your bike?
-Yeah.

I'm driving.

That's hans' mother's house.

They're right, you know.
The body is buried here.

There's no way he buried the
body that close. Oh, yeah.

Where would you dump a body?
-Hudson canyon.

Okay. It's weird you had
an answer for that, but...

It's in New Jersey
off the coast.

It's this underwater canyon.

It's starts in the basin and goes
out in the ocean, like 400 miles.

It's as big as the Grand Canyon,
but nobody knows about it.

So people just abandon
things there all the time.

I once dropped
an engagement ring in there.

Sorry.

I don't know
why I just said that.

Jesus Christ!

Um, so what are you
doing tonight?

I don't know.
What do you have in mind?

"I never went back.

I couldn't stand
to see her that way.

Three months later,
she was dead.

My father told me in the front
seat of his convertible

after finding me in a park.
He was already living with his new wife

and her children somewhere in the
suburbs. He wouldn't tell me which one.

I lived on the streets until an
overdose put me in the hospital

and I became
a ward of the state.

The day my father was found guilty of abuse
and neglect, I sat beside him in court.

Right before my statement,
he pulled me close,

so it would look like
he was hugging me,

and then he whispered in my ear,
'you know it's all your fault, right?

You killed your mother.'

that's what I could never explain
to the lawyers and case workers.

It wasn't about the handcuffs or the
beatings or his shaving my head.

That was nothing. It was the constant
suggestion that I was doing something wrong,

that I was inherently poisonous
and to blame

for the series of abuses
and abandonment

that marked my adolescence.

He made that suggestion
in countless, subtle

and more obvious ways
all the years he was alive."

This is bullshit.

"In the end his passing
brought me no satisfaction,

no closure.
The day he died..."

Jesus Christ, how can
you people listen to this crap?

Oh my god, it's a ghost!
Boo!

My son, ladies and gentlemen.

The poor, abused orphan,
the underdog.

How convenient for you to have
a dead monster for a father.

How utterly pitiable. I should be
gettin' royalties for this shit.

My son, the storyteller...
what a fucking joke!

You deserve to be played
fallin' for this nonsense.

My son was never homeless.
He was never in group homes.

He was a drug addict fuck-up who
wants to seem interesting and dramatic

and take your money is what he wants.
All right, Neil, you gotta go.

How are you doing? -You gotta go.
Get your fuckin' hands off of me!

You gotta go.
-I gotta go?

You're a fuckin'
coward... always have been.

You people are all fools
to listen to this bullshit.

Um...

You know, I haven't seen him
in seven years.

The one thing we can
agree on though is that

we're just dead to each other.
You don't have to explain to me.

Well, unfortunately,
i don't think everyone else

will feel that way.

But thank you.

I tried to kill
my stepfather once...

...when I was 16.

I worked in a pharmacy,
and I did the research.

I figured out what kind of
pill I would need

and how much it would take to kill
a man, the whole thing, right?

I put a few pills in my pocket
every day before I left work,

saved up enough,
ground them up

and put them
in his fancy bottle of scotch

that he wouldn't let
anyone else touch.

So you killed him.

Nope.

Not even close.
Nothing happened.

It just went right through
his system.

He was that fat.

I guess I shouldn't laugh.

You'll get to funny one day.

It just takes time.

So what were you like
in high school?

Me? I was a bad ass.

A bad ass? -Oh, yeah. I had a
punk band and everything.

What were you called?
-We were called the lys dexics.

What?
-Think about it. Oh, like dyslexic.

I played bass,
which is ridiculous

because I can't even hear
bass notes. But whatever.

There's only like four of them, so.
And then we had this whole bit

where I sprayed hairspray into
Mattie's lighter. It was very cool.

Wish I could have
seen you then.

A little delinquent, yeah?

So why'd you break up?

The band?
-Uh-hmm.

I guess I ultimately
figured out

it was less fun to have bad sex

in the back of a Van sober.
-What kind of sober?

Not wanting to be
my stepfather kind.

Do you mind if I ask
what he did to you?

It's in the past.

I'm not looking
over my shoulder.

I know, but what happens
to us makes us who we are.

No. Fuck them!

That has nothing to do
with who I am.

He has nothing to do
with who I became.

That doesn't mean
you need to bury it.

I'm not burying anything.

I've just got some souvenirs.

I think you're perfect.

I wouldn't want you
any other way.

Hey!
Jesus!

Where the hell have you been?
-Oh... uh, I just...

I needed a little time,
that's all.

Come in.

What are you doing?

Oh, it's this thing Roger turned me
on to. You heat it up to 209 degrees.

No, I mean, what in the actual
fuck are we gonna do?

I don't know.
Uh, I never really had a plan

for when life
shits the bed like this.

Do you have any sense
of how many phone calls

and hysterical emails
I've gotten?

As a matter of fact, I do.
I changed my number.

Thanks for letting me know.
So here's where we are.

Random house is backing out
of the short story collection.

Columbia wants to buy you out
of your teaching contract.

Fuck them.
-Essentially, everyone

is on the verge of suing us.

The penguin thing...
that's over, too?

Not yet.

I have managed
to talk them down,

but you have got to
work with me here.

Okay. All right.
Just tell me how.

Okay. First of all,
you have to tell me the truth.

All right. Easy.
Everything.

Look, yeah, my dad isn't dead,
obviously. But that's it.

So why does Neil say that
you never lived in a group home?

Why does he say you were
never homeless? -Why? Because...

My dad's crazy,
that's why!

I don't know. I've been trying
to figure it out my whole life.

He just... he doesn't want me
to be happy. Do you have proof?

What kind of proof?

I don't know.
Records.

I mean, not on me.
Find some... quick!

I believe you,
but you've gotta cover your ass.

Okay.
Next, you've got to write

a press release statement
like now.

Next, penguin has gotta

have some pages asap!

Unless you start producing,
this all goes away.

Kill yourself,
you fuckin' asshole.

Whad'ya got?
-I already paid for that.

Don't be stupid.

Say what do you want from me.

I don't know.

I know exactly
what you like, don't I?

Hi, cori.

Cori, do you remember
drawing that picture? -Yes.

Why did you draw it?
-I drew it to show what happened.

Hans went away for a long time, and when
he came back, he had this very big bag.

Inside the bag there were
so many rolls of tape,

like a ball,
and hans took it to his car.

Now, in your picture,

the bag is zipped up.

Could you actually see what was in
the bag or were you just kind of

imagining
what might be in there?

Imagining.

And who asked you to draw it?
-The psychologist.

Now, did you remember
the part about your dad

carrying the bag before
the psychologist talked to you?

I'm not sure.

Do you have trouble with keeping
things straight sometimes, cori?

Do you get a little, you know,
confused, sometimes?

I don't want to do this anymore.
Can I stop now?

Okay. Thank you, pal.

Did cori always call his
parents by their first names?

No, I don't think so,
actually.

It seemed at some of the earlier custody
trial statements, he would say "my mom",

but I don't know when he started
calling hans "hans".

Do you think we could get
the family court documents?

Some of them.
Anything public record.

Can I see it?

All right. So this is
the first one

where cori is calling his mother Nina,
and hans was already called hans. -Hmmm.

This was three months before
she disappeared. -Mm-hmm.

Hey, can you get documents from
other states, not just New York?

Uh, yeah. Wha...
what are you thinking?

Illinois.

Yeah, sure. Why?

'Cause I grew up in Chicago.

What are you looking for?

How about the hearing

where my father was convicted
of neglect and abuse

and I was made
a ward of the state.

What are you gonna do with it? -I don't
know. All my book deals went to shit,

and my editor says they're gonna stay that
way until I come up with some proof that

all that stuff actually happened. I have
to publish it in an important publication.

Like say the times?

I wouldn't ask you to do that.

I kind of just did,
but that's okay.

I'd love to help.

Does this look like
what you're looking for?

Yeah.

Now the only problem is
i can't write it.

Of course you can.
Write whatever you want.

No, I just can't write.
I mean...

It just happens.

Last time
it lasted six months.

And then what?

Then I started taking
Adderall.

Okay. It's printing.

What if we published
this as is? Hmmm?

Print it full page, complete with
your handwritten annotations.

That's something
people would notice,

and you wouldn't have to
write anything.

I think that you're brilliant.

I know.

There's a term
for what you are right now.

Cunt struck.
Fuck you. -Cunt struck.

That's not a word.
Yeah, that is.

It's an old word,
old-timey word.

It's like cuntwinked.

Or the more politically
correct version, hoodwinked.

Come on, you don't know this?
-No.

Huh?
-What's the male version?

Cock hobbled.
-Shut the fuck up!

Come on. You gonna match with
me and you don't know that?

Hey. I put this on

so I'd remember
to give it to you.

Remember this?

Yeah. Yeah. I was going
through this old box

and thought I'd give it back
to you. Yeah? -Yeah.

You sure you're ready to part
ways with that?

Thought
it would make you happy.

Yeah, it did. -You could give it
to Jax. It belonged to my grandmother.

Yeah, I remember.

You gave it to me
the night after I overdosed.

Remember, you said
it would protect me?

I sure don't.

It meant a lot to me
at the time.

Yeah? That's interesting.

'Cause I didn't give it to you,
Stephen. What? -It got stolen

from my jacket at a party.

What are you talking about?
I was in the hospital at Northwestern.

You snuck in to visit me.
-No, doesn't matter. Forget it.

It matters to me.

Look, you were pissed off at me 'cause
I made that shitty joke about your mom

in the wheelchair
peein' herself, yeah?

Yeah, I remember. -Yeah, and the chain
broke, and I had it in my jacket pocket

and then it went missin'
at the party.

This is not how i remember it.
I believe that's not how you remember,

because you have a convenient
way of rememberin' things.

What? We're done?
-Yeah, we're done.

Roger.

Why don't you just tell me
what you're looking for?

What you like?

Because I don't want to
scare you away.

Do I seem like
somebody scared to you?

No.

You're the last person
i want to show my flaws to.

You're showing them
to somebody.

I know you're not getting
these marks on your own.

No, I'm not.

I just don't want to wonder
who else you're with.

Give me a chance.

Tie this wrist.

Now tie it to the bed.

Now tie this one.

Tie it really tight.

Like that?

Yeah.

Take one nail.

Run it down.

Slower.

Slow.

Harder.

Harder.
Like that?

Yeah.

Kiss me.

Well, fine,
but I like the hans idea.

Look, I think they have
the right to voice a concern.

This doesn't even resemble the
book they're paying you to write.

Okay, no, fine.
I did that, but it's a better idea.

Yeah, I'm not really sure
that I can sell this, Steve.

Look, Norman mailer,
Truman capote...

They were both
at the top of their games

and then they got
massive writer's block, right?

And then?
- They fell into addiction.

Exactly. And what happens?
A murder trial.

Truman capote writes his masterpiece,
changes American literature.

Norman mailer wins
the freakin' pulitzer prize.

Oh, so hans Reiser is
gonna win you a pulitzer now?

No, I'm just... He's interesting,
that's all. It's what I want to write.

Fine. As long as you're
actually writing something.

I don't know. I guess we'll figure it out.
You're gonna have to get me some pages

if you want me to pitch this change,
actual pages. Um, cool. You got it.

Yes, I promise. I promise.
I promise. Okay.

Okay. Bye.

I made breakfast.
I see that.

Eggs Benedict.

What's wrong?

Nothing.
It's just um...

This was taped
to my front door.

Motherfucker!

You stay away from her.
If you ever hurt them,

I swear to god
I'm gonna fucking kill you.

Oh, come on.
You're so dramatic!

Come here.
-No. Oh! I see how it is.

Tough guy.

All right,
you handsome motherfucker.

At least come on in.

Come on!

You want a 7-up?

Hey, let's get a steak, huh?
My treat. Where's Cynthia?

She's in Florida. You know how much I
can't stand the fuckin' silverbacks.

So you're just spending her money alone?
-Yeah, she sends her love to you, too.

Cynthia, you know, she had me clean out
the attic. I was visiting your step-sister.

She's going to Yale now,
did you know that?

I thought I might stop by here

and see if you wanted
any of this.

You came all this way
to give me a box?

I came to see my son.

Why? You obviously hate me.

Oh, hey, now come on, don't say that.
Why do you say that?

'Cause you humiliated me! Congratulations,
i hope you're happy. -I'm not happy.

That didn't make me happy.
Then why would you do that?

You told everyone i was dead.
So did you!

Yeah, well, I mean, there's
storytellers in this family.

I... I've read everything
you've ever written.

I've come all the way
across the country to this

fancy party where they're
celebrating my son,

the big-shot literary genius, because
I'm proud of you and I'm sittin' there,

listenin' to these stories,
and every time, the monster father

dies a horrible death and those
assholes in their party clothes,

they're all happy about it.
How do you think that makes me feel?

You're not doing this. You're not
turning it around to make it about you.

I'm not going to feel guilty
for not keeping your secrets.

My secrets? What about yours?
-All right, look, here you go.

What do you got? -Here's the court
hearing where you were convicted

of seven counts
of neglect and abuse.

Here's the police report
for when I was homeless

'cause you were hiding with
your fucking replacement family!

Hiding?
I looked everywhere for you.

You were a strung-out
drug addict.

I roamed the streets tryin' to save
your life. Oh, you were gonna save me?

Yes, save you. I had to restrain you.
You were tryin' to kill yourself.

You fuckin'
beat the shit out of me,

and I was too little
to fight back!

I was grieving.
I was doing my best!

You were grieving? As if I wasn't!
As if I wasn't fuckin' grieving!

You pick at the details, you missed
the entire context of this thing.

The context? -Yeah. The context is
you were a fuckin' nightmare!

You were a nightmare!
You made my life a livin' hell.

You terrorized my family.
I'm your family!

I was your fuckin' family,
and you fuckin' abandoned me!

That's not true!

You're not goin' anywhere.

Get off of me!

Fucker!

You son of a bitch!

I didn't abandon you.

You left home,
for god's sake!

You know what,
you're right.

You have another family
to take care of.

My father is dead. I'm a fucking orphan.
-You don't mean that! -Yes, I do!

You don't know what
you're sayin' right now.

You're a pathetic old man, and you're
gonna die miserable and alone,

and you fuckin' deserve it!
Stephen!

Stephen!

Stephen, come back here!

All at once or slow?

Hmmm?
-Slow.

Fuck!

What did you mean
when you told Dr. shapiro

that Nina wanted cori
to be sick?

She was...
Inventing illnesses for cori

to make him go through all these
unnecessary medical procedures,

giving him medications
that were making him sick.

She was poisoning my son.

She didn't like him
on some deep, conflicted level.

I know people
don't want to hear that.

I mean, they can't believe that a
parent would actually hurt a child.

It happens all the time.

The court system... I mean,
it just makes things

so much worse for the children.

We're taught to believe
that the system

will actually help the child,
that it'll do the right thing,

but it doesn't always.

Sometimes
it does the opposite.

I was betrayed and abandoned

by the people that I was
supposed to trust blindly.

When I fought back,
they called me a liar.

No one tells you what
you're supposed to do then.

When you're all alone,

you have to take matters
into your own hands.

If you understand that,
you understand everything.

I always tried to do
the right thing,

even if it was
an impossible decision.

Hey.

You okay?

Yeah.

What is that?

It's Adderall,
klonopin, Vicodin.

Can I have one?

I hate feeling trapped.

I'd never want to trap you.

You can tell me
whatever you want.

You know that, right?

I know.

Choke me.

Now?

Yeah.

I don't... I just...

I don't really
feel like that now.

Hey. I don't want you to do
anything that you don't want to do.

Come here.
Come back.

I just feel at home with you, so... I
just don't wanna have to pretend, or...

And I don't want you
to have to pretend anything.

Just like that?
-Yeah, squeeze.

Right here?
-Harder. Harder.

You can't go harder?

I'm trying.

I mean, look.
Come here.

Put your hands there.

Yeah? -All right.
-Like that? - Yeah.

Okay. Now I want you
to press as hard as you can.

It's okay. Just let it out.

Everything he did to you,
i want you to take it out.

Just take it out on me
right now. Do it now.

Do it harder.

Harder. Harder.

Harder.
Harder.

Stephen! Stephen!

Stephen, wake up!

Stephen!

Stephen, please, wake up!

Stephen!

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god!
-Are you okay?

I love you.

What'd you say?

I love you.

What?

I can't do this.
-It's okay.

I'm not gonna let
anything happen to you.

Stephen, I can't do this!

It's okay.

Steven.

Please, you have to
stop calling me.

I don't wanna talk to you.

I mean it.
Bye.

Steve,
I just had a meeting

with your publisher,
maybe you remember them.

We waited three hours...
For you.

Um, the bottom line is penguin does
not want this true crime bullshit,

like I told you, and they're pulling
out of the original project, too.

Oh, fuck! -You have seven days to return the
advance, and there's nothing else I can do.

And you need a new editor
because you no longer have one.

I really hope you're able
to get your shit together.

Fuck you!

Hey,
it's Josh, where are you?

I'm trying to save your seat,
but these people are crazy. Call me.

Shit!

Have you reached a verdict?
We have, your honor.

The defendant will rise.

Proceed.
We the jury find the defendant

guilty of murder
in the first degree.

We the jury find the
defendant guilty of murder

in the first degree.
On or about December 1...

Hey, can I watch this?
- Yeah, sure.

Bailiff, remove Mr. Reiser
from the courtroom, please.

Thank you.
Wait, take your hands off me.

Wait! I just wanted to say that I was
the best father that I knew how to be.

I only tried
to protect my children!

Take your hands off me. I wanted to
be the best father that I could be.

Thanks.

Oh, wow! Remember this?
-Oh!

Remember that mustang?
-Yep. Shit, that was an awesome car!

Yeah.

Neil Elliott graduated
from the university of natal.

Served as an airborne meteorologist
with the south African air force,

worked as a geologist
for two years

before immigrating
to the United States.

What the fuck is this?

Guess he wrote a few books
before I was born.

You know what hans said after
the verdict? After the verdict?

"I tried to be the best father
i knew how to be."

That's exactly what
my dad fuckin' said.

I mean, can you
fuckin' believe that?

I wanted to tell you
I saw your dad the other day

at the hospital
when I was makin' my rounds.

Why was he at the hospital?
I don't know, but he was.

My dad and hans
are fuckin' delusional.

"The best father
i knew how to be"...

what the fuck,
like it was all my fault?

All this?

What? -Of the hans thing,
of the trial, of all that was

so that you could write
about something different.

So what? Back to me.
You know what he fuckin' said,

"i didn't have the right
context."

The right
fucking context?

He said I terrorized
his new family.

Terrorized! -Terrorized is a bad word.
It's not a good word.

You think there's a better
word that describes it?

No. I'm sayin' I've been...
I've, I've thought about it.

I don't have a good feelin' about it.
I feel like maybe we fucked his kids up.

Are you serious? How?

Because they saw us so out of control
all the time. -We weren't out of control.

Yeah, we were.
-No, we weren't.

Name one time.
Want me to name one time?

How about that... one time?

You totaled his mustang
in front of the kids.

Now that had to be
terrifying for them.

Are you seriously trying to
make me feel bad about that?

No. All right, you get the award
for the shittiest father ever, right?

But now you can see him
from a whole new perspective

if you want to, from an adult
perspective, like a real adult.

A real adult like Roger?
That would be better?

I didn't say it would be better.
No, I didn't say that.

What did you say...
that we both started in the same place

and I ended up here and you ended up...
What, getting everything good?

A wife, kids, all that?
-Yeah, hell yeah.

Yeah, I like being a father.
I like it.

Well, your dick works.
That's great. Congratulations, man.

You're livin' the fuckin' dream.
-How about fuck you, Stephen?

How about that? 'Cause every time
you get in some shitty little way,

you just grab me and try to drag
me right through it, so fuck you.

Oh, man. You know what,
you wanted to be a rock star,

and now you fuckin'
buy happy meals.

I mean, they're gonna name
mountains after you...

fuckin' mount
i-played-it-fuckin'-safe.

Look at you. You're exactly
like your fuckin' father.

Exactly like him! You're sittin' here,
you're pouting and whining.

You're fuckin' spinnin' out,
and you're destroying your own life,

and it's everybody else's
fuckin' fault. So fuck you, man,

and don't come around my family anymore either.
I don't want you comin' around them no more.

Oh, seriously?

I don't wanna be around your...
...fuckin' family.

The charge is knocked
down to murder ii,

with chance of parole.

If you produce a body,
you have a deal...

murder ii,
no chance of parole.

I didn't want to
kill Nina, but I did.

She was leaving me
for another man.

I was devastated,
lost control.

She said

she had never loved me.

That she only
married me to escape Russia.

I took her neck in my hands...

And I crushed it until
I felt her throat collapse.

That was it.

All the anger,
all the hatred.

There was just silence.

Lana, can I talk to you?

Hey.
I'm sorry. -Don't touch me!

Sorry.

Can I please just...
Please? -Talk to Roger.

If you need someone to talk to.
Well, he's not answering my calls either.

Please? I feel like I'm about
to go underwater, okay?

Can I just...
Please talk to you...

Please? You're the only person that's
made me feel okay about myself...

In my entire adult life,
and I feel like I know you.

From the first second
i met you, I felt that.

I know it feels that way,
but maybe that's not a good thing.

Why? -Because you're gonna
take me down with you.

It's just who you are.

Look, I'm fucked up, okay?

Is that gonna be your excuse
for the rest of your life?

That you're too broken not
to be completely selfish?

Grow some fucking balls!

At least I'm not pretending
nothing's wrong with me.

Oh, you're pretending plenty.

You just don't see it.

Here's those papers you wanted.

They're pretty enlightening.

Okay, you ready for a ride?
Hop on my back.

Come on, man.
See if you can stay on. You ready?

You gotta hold on. Put your legs
around me. Hold tight. Ready?

Yeah!

You're the one who should be
in front of the camera.

What are you doin'
hidin' back there?

There she is,
ladies and gentlemen,

the most beautiful woman
in the world.

Just like out of a fairy tale.

Do you remember her like that?

Not much.

She really was the most
beautiful woman I ever saw.

Wave to daddy. -I was your age then,
right before you went to Chicago,

and when she died...

Man, I was so confused
i couldn't stop screamin'.

Yeah, I remember.

You want coffee?
-What?

Coffee.
No! What the fuck are you doing?

Just waiting.
-No.

Dad, you broke into my house.

What the fuck?

Well, I wanted to
give you somethin'.

Jesus. I can't...
I can't deal with this right now.

I'm tryin' to
apologize to you...

Before it's too late.
What does that mean?

I had a bunch of tests done.

I'm dying.
Don't fuckin' lie to me!

Will you just fuckin' listen to me?
I'm a sick man.

I wanted to come see you,
make amends with my son.

Amends?
-Yeah. What amends are you making?

You're such a martyr.

God, you always have been.
What kid is like that?

Think the world
owes you somethin'.

Look, dad, I'm exhausted.
-A lot of people look at your life

and think it would be pretty good, you know.
The New York times reviews, pretty girls,

everybody kissin' your ass
to be around a hot shit writer.

Well, I can kiss all that good-bye
'cause everything good in my life

just disappeared
as soon as you showed up!

You wanna blame me?
That's easy.

And what are all the good things
in your life that fell apart...

What do they all have in common?
-Here we go! -Yeah, you!

I mean, you're a fuckin' curse.
You're poison.

You know, everything you touch
you fuck up.

Just get out of my house!

All right.

Look, I made this for you.
-Get out!

Just promise me that you'll look at it.
Get out!

Did you see this... -Get out of my house!
-I will get out of your house,

but you just see for yourself,
all right?

I don't
fuckin' have to look at it!

You fuckin' hit your father.

What, you wanna fight me, boy?
-Fucking fight an old man.

Who the fuck do you think you're
talkin' to? I'll ruin you!

Come on.
Huh? Come on! Fuckin' pussy.

Huh? You fuckin' faggot. Huh?
You waste of a life! Come on, hit me!

You wanna kill me so bad,
hit me. Come on. Hit me.

I deserve it. Come on. Fight me,
fight me! Hit me! Hit me! Come on!

Hit me!!!

Oh, fuck!

Fuck you!
-Call 911.

Oh, fuck you!
I'm not fuckin' buyin' it!

Ah, Stephen!

All right, all right,
all right.

I'm a terrible father.
I'm a terrible father.

Hi, Stephen.

I... I don't know
if I'm ever gonna, you know,

get a chance
to see you again,

and even if I do,

we were never so good
at communicating.

So...

Well, there are some things
I wanna tell you, so...

That's why I'm doing this.
You know, that story you tell

about the time I shaved your
head and I restrained you,

was actually
two different times.

The first time you were
squatting at the house.

It had been empty for a year,

and I needed that money
so badly.

I finally found a buyer,

and I had to show
the house once more

before the deal closed.

I got there,
and you trashed the place.

Thousands of dollars
in damage,

and I was so angry that
I hit you and I cut your hair.

You know, afterwards you were
crying in the bathtub.

It was really horrible.

The second time...

I did it to try to stop you
from killin' yourself.

You were livin' on the street and I
came upon you sittin' outside an arcade

and I asked you what was up, you know,
what your plans were, and you said well,

I guess,
I'll just commit suicide.

I had to go to work,
and I didn't know what the hell to do.

I took you back to the empty house
and then you really got out of control.

You know, you were trying to
cut your wrists open, so I...

I handcuffed you
to this radiator pipe

while I tried to, you know,

reach my own decision
whether to call the cops

or if that would put you
in jail.

Thirty minutes later,

I came back to check on you
and you were hanging there,

passed out in a puddle of blood at
your feet, and I thought you were dead.

It was like a bolt
of lightning hit my heart.

I just couldn't bear
the thought of livin'

knowin' what I'd done to you.

Part of me I don't think

ever came back from that moment.

I took the handcuffs off you
and I said,

"you do whatever
you wanna do, son."

You didn't want anything
to do with me.

I can't blame you for that.

I keep tryin'
to apologize to you,

but it all goes wrong.

Maybe there just isn't a way
to make amends

for somethin' like this.

Not that it matters,
but honestly, i...

I only ever tried
to do right by you.

I'm a broken man,

and I just...

I hope you won't be like me.

Fuck!

Could you ask me some questions?

I'm not good at
making speeches.

Did you think you had
a chance at a better verdict?

Look, I knew I wasn't
gonna get away with it.

I mean, I looked guilty,

I am guilty, but a father
does what he has to do

in order to protect
his children.

Okay. Um...

If you knew that you weren't
going for innocence,

then why didn't you just plead guilty
in the beginning and get a deal?

I mean, I heard Dubois
made a deal for seven years

because the da didn't wanna go
to court. But who would've cared?

I had the most publicized
trial in years.

Would you be interested
in following the story

of a murderer who
took a plea bargain?

But I thought you said
you did it for your children.

I did. Everything I've
ever done was for them.

But you insured that
you would never see them again.

I mean, they're not gonna
have a father. I don't...

I don't know.
I don't know what to tell you.

Validation
is a helluva drug.

What? What's funny?

Just the truth's
a motherfucker.

Thanks.
I'll see you.

So you wrote all that
in two days?

Yeah, I mean, I put it
down on paper in two days,

but I mean, this is the book that
I've... I've been wanting to write.

I just didn't know that until...
Until now.

So let's find you a publisher.
It's not going to be penguin,

but I've got
a friend at grey wolf

I think would be into this idea.
It won't be a big advance,

but something to get us
back on track.

Us?

Us.

Hey.

Brought you some coffee.

I'm in no mood, Elliott.

That was your decaf.

You can have my coffee,
if you want.

I also brought you
some blueberries.

So many gifts
and so few actual apologies.

I don't know where to start.

Start with
the hydrangeas.

And for the record... no.

It's not my life's plan
to be watering these things.

I feed them bone meal
so they stay blue.

She loves it, so.

I'd be doin' this
if I had the chance.

I'd be doin' all of this.

Sorry, Roger.

I'm a pretty shitty person.

No, you're not.
You're my family.

You... you knew me when i was the
messiest kid out of all of us.

You never gave me any grief
about that, not once.

You kept showin' up for me.
So...

I'm not gonna walk away
from this over a few words.

You wanna go for a ride?

You're all wet.

Yeah. We can even that up.

Bitch.
-Sorry, it just slipped.

Oh, that slipped?

Yeah. -Motherfucker! What are you
doin', dude? Don't, don't, don't, don't!

Nina's mother Christina says
she is relieved

the children may come
to some sense of closure...

What time is it?

We have about an hour.
Your flight's at 6:00.

We should pull
the rental car around.

I already did.
You know you're not drivin'.

Oh, great!
You can kill us both.

You remember
when you taught me to drive?

I was 14.

You let me drive out to
Warren park in a '69 mustang.

I loved that car.

You used to take me out,
let me drive.

I remember feelin'
so happy and free,

full of hope and potential.

I don't know why you always told people
I taught you to drive in the mustang.

It was a red 1968
oldsmobile delmont convertible

in Warren park
in the parkin' lot.

You were belligerent,
and you were a terrible driver.

So we only did it once.

Wanna go for a drive?
-I don't wanna see you for an hour.

Nah, we'd just argue.
Fine. Then we'll just go.

We'll agree not to talk.
It doesn't matter. -None of it matters.

All right.
You gotta help me up here.

Help your old dad get up.

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