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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:02,000 www.Tvsubtitles.Net 2 00:00:19,995 --> 00:00:22,495 Since when did woody's become a cunt-Ry club? 3 00:00:23,065 --> 00:00:23,999 Since you're here. 4 00:00:23,999 --> 00:00:24,999 How about another round? 5 00:00:24,999 --> 00:00:27,002 Ahh... no. 6 00:00:27,002 --> 00:00:28,504 Last call for you, you have school tomorrow. 7 00:00:29,004 --> 00:00:31,490 Your first day, i'm so proud of you! 8 00:00:31,490 --> 00:00:32,991 One minute he's in a coma 9 00:00:32,991 --> 00:00:34,992 And the next he's going to college. 10 00:00:34,992 --> 00:00:36,462 Well, in the words of the king, 11 00:00:36,462 --> 00:00:37,963 "You gotta follow that dream." 12 00:00:37,963 --> 00:00:41,299 Mm. Now there's a dream. 13 00:00:41,299 --> 00:00:45,736 Yee-Haw. 14 00:00:45,736 --> 00:00:47,738 I've had the same dream ever since i've been little: 15 00:00:48,239 --> 00:00:51,242 To fall in love, get married and have a baby. 16 00:00:51,242 --> 00:00:52,676 Well, two out of three ain't bad. 17 00:00:52,676 --> 00:00:54,612 Three out of three is even better. 18 00:00:54,612 --> 00:00:55,546 You're getting married? 19 00:00:56,047 --> 00:00:56,981 When did you decide? 20 00:00:56,981 --> 00:00:57,932 Why didn't you tell us? 21 00:00:57,932 --> 00:01:00,400 Yes. A few weeks ago. We just did. 22 00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:01,401 Ahh! 23 00:01:02,836 --> 00:01:05,755 Here's a toast to the happy couple. 24 00:01:05,755 --> 00:01:08,258 May you come to your senses before it's... 25 00:01:08,258 --> 00:01:10,261 too late. 26 00:01:10,261 --> 00:01:11,711 Oh, this is so exciting! 27 00:01:11,711 --> 00:01:16,133 Everyone's dreams are coming true. 28 00:01:16,133 --> 00:01:18,135 Hey, what's your dream, sweetie? 29 00:01:18,135 --> 00:01:22,072 My dream is to one day know what my dream is. 30 00:01:22,072 --> 00:01:24,074 Dreaming's for people who like to sleep. 31 00:01:24,074 --> 00:01:26,076 I'd rather be awake and fucking. 32 00:01:26,575 --> 00:01:28,562 I'm going to call teddy and tell him to get his ass down here. 33 00:01:28,562 --> 00:01:31,063 And i was having such a good time. 34 00:01:31,515 --> 00:01:32,998 Would you just fucking lay off him? 35 00:01:32,998 --> 00:01:34,500 The guy's been really depressed. 36 00:01:34,500 --> 00:01:36,502 Yeah, he's been trying to find a job ever since that incident. 37 00:01:37,002 --> 00:01:38,921 I wouldn't exactly call shooting a load off 38 00:01:39,422 --> 00:01:42,374 In front of my boss "an incident". 39 00:01:42,374 --> 00:01:45,244 He's not picking up. 40 00:01:45,744 --> 00:01:48,746 You don't suppose he'd do something... drastic, 41 00:01:48,746 --> 00:01:49,698 Do you? I-I mean, 42 00:01:50,199 --> 00:01:52,184 He could be lying in bed right now... 43 00:01:52,184 --> 00:01:54,169 dead. 44 00:01:54,587 --> 00:01:55,086 How could you tell? 45 00:02:03,895 --> 00:02:06,381 Ted? 46 00:02:11,886 --> 00:02:24,898 Teddy? 47 00:02:29,354 --> 00:02:30,855 Ted, what are you doing? 48 00:02:32,856 --> 00:02:34,324 What the hell's it look like? 49 00:02:34,324 --> 00:02:37,811 God... it smells like a bath house in here. 50 00:02:37,811 --> 00:02:38,762 When is the last time 51 00:02:38,762 --> 00:02:40,697 You left this place? 52 00:02:40,697 --> 00:02:42,699 Four days. 53 00:02:42,699 --> 00:02:44,200 I'm in the middle of a marathon. 54 00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:45,635 Just like amc. 55 00:02:46,136 --> 00:02:48,638 American masturbation classics. 56 00:02:48,638 --> 00:02:51,057 Honey, i think you have a problem. 57 00:02:51,057 --> 00:02:54,060 Huh. You're right. Usually ricky rod's hairless chew-Hole drives me wild. 58 00:02:54,561 --> 00:02:57,563 For some reason it's lost its magic. 59 00:02:57,563 --> 00:03:01,500 I know that you've been a little depressed lately, 60 00:03:01,500 --> 00:03:03,502 But you've got to pull yourself together. 61 00:03:03,502 --> 00:03:05,503 What do you think i'm trying to do? 62 00:03:05,503 --> 00:03:08,007 Only you're not making it any easier. If you really want to help, 63 00:03:08,007 --> 00:03:09,507 Grab a nipple and squeeze. 64 00:03:09,507 --> 00:03:10,976 Do i look like a human tit clamp? 65 00:03:11,477 --> 00:03:12,962 Whoa! Look at that. 66 00:03:14,363 --> 00:03:15,331 Ooh. 67 00:03:15,331 --> 00:03:27,709 That is hot. 68 00:03:27,709 --> 00:03:29,210 Ugh, no! 69 00:03:29,210 --> 00:03:32,163 You are not sucking me into your black hole of depravity. 70 00:03:32,664 --> 00:03:36,134 Now you get up, you get up right now. 71 00:03:36,134 --> 00:03:38,136 You're right. 72 00:03:38,136 --> 00:03:40,639 I've been in this bed long enough. 73 00:03:48,646 --> 00:03:50,648 Let's see who's on demondick.Com, shall we? 74 00:03:51,148 --> 00:03:54,151 That is not what i meant. 75 00:03:54,151 --> 00:03:56,654 Listen to me, teddy. 76 00:03:56,654 --> 00:03:57,655 Look, i know... 77 00:03:58,155 --> 00:04:01,158 i know it's been tough getting fired. 78 00:04:01,158 --> 00:04:04,661 It's... it's a tremendous blow. Blow? 79 00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:06,162 Scratch that. 80 00:04:06,162 --> 00:04:08,615 But... but there is a great, big... 81 00:04:08,615 --> 00:04:11,618 Fabulous world out there. Yeah. 82 00:04:11,618 --> 00:04:13,119 Let me tell you something 83 00:04:13,119 --> 00:04:15,121 About that great, big, fabulous world out there. 84 00:04:15,121 --> 00:04:17,625 You either jerk off or you get jerked off. 85 00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:22,061 Yeah! 86 00:04:22,061 --> 00:04:26,566 That's it. Go for it. 87 00:04:43,398 --> 00:04:46,902 Ah... no. No. 88 00:04:47,402 --> 00:04:48,904 That was just for you. 89 00:04:49,404 --> 00:04:51,907 Since when do you turn down getting your dick sucked? 90 00:04:51,907 --> 00:04:53,408 Since tomorrow's a big day. 91 00:04:53,408 --> 00:04:55,409 I need to save my energy for my art. 92 00:04:55,409 --> 00:04:59,413 Huh, what do you call this? 93 00:04:59,413 --> 00:05:01,416 I promise i'll let you blow me tomorrow night. 94 00:05:01,416 --> 00:05:03,884 Yeah? Well, who says i'll be in the mood? 95 00:05:03,884 --> 00:05:05,386 You're always in the mood, 96 00:05:05,386 --> 00:05:07,838 Which is kind of amazing when you think of it. 97 00:05:07,838 --> 00:05:30,143 I mean, at your age. 98 00:05:38,635 --> 00:05:40,636 Drawing my cock again? 99 00:05:40,636 --> 00:05:47,510 Just doodling. 100 00:05:47,510 --> 00:05:49,512 Huh... what are you doing? 101 00:05:49,512 --> 00:05:50,513 I'm just doodling. 102 00:05:51,014 --> 00:06:02,991 I told you, i have school. 103 00:06:02,991 --> 00:06:04,960 Think i'd look good with a new haircut? 104 00:06:05,461 --> 00:06:06,962 I think i would. Do you? 105 00:06:06,962 --> 00:06:08,897 What'd you have in mind? 106 00:06:08,897 --> 00:06:10,866 I don't know, maybe buzz it all off, 107 00:06:10,866 --> 00:06:12,317 Or bleach it. 108 00:06:12,317 --> 00:06:16,754 That'd be cool. For two years ago. 109 00:06:16,754 --> 00:06:18,757 So what's wrong? 110 00:06:19,257 --> 00:06:21,260 Nothing's wrong. Why do you think something's wrong? 111 00:06:21,260 --> 00:06:23,261 Because every time something's wrong, 112 00:06:23,261 --> 00:06:24,263 You want to change your hair. 113 00:06:24,712 --> 00:06:26,682 That is so not true! 114 00:06:26,682 --> 00:06:29,650 Michael's thinking about changing his hair. 115 00:06:29,650 --> 00:06:31,652 Oh, god. 116 00:06:32,153 --> 00:06:36,040 Baby, what's wrong? Tell me. 117 00:06:36,541 --> 00:06:37,474 All right, all right. 118 00:06:37,474 --> 00:06:39,976 It feels like everybody's life is speeding along. 119 00:06:40,478 --> 00:06:41,478 Lindsay and melanie are getting married, 120 00:06:41,478 --> 00:06:43,981 And justin's going to art school. 121 00:06:43,981 --> 00:06:46,417 He was practically dead a couple of months ago, for fuck sake. 122 00:06:46,417 --> 00:06:48,368 And i'm still stuck at the starting gate. 123 00:06:48,853 --> 00:06:50,354 Well, since when is it a race? 124 00:06:50,354 --> 00:06:52,355 Since i feel like i'm coming in last. 125 00:06:52,355 --> 00:06:55,242 Well, then do something about it. 126 00:06:55,242 --> 00:06:57,677 After all, you're cute. You're young. 127 00:06:57,677 --> 00:06:58,678 You're hung. 128 00:06:58,678 --> 00:06:59,596 Like what? 129 00:07:00,096 --> 00:07:01,515 Quit the fucking q! 130 00:07:01,515 --> 00:07:02,966 You don't think i'd like to? 131 00:07:03,416 --> 00:07:05,868 But i have obligations to others. 132 00:07:05,868 --> 00:07:08,839 Well, as one of the "others" to whom you are referring, 133 00:07:08,839 --> 00:07:12,842 I would say your first obligation is to yourself. 134 00:07:12,842 --> 00:07:22,301 So what would make you happy? 135 00:07:22,301 --> 00:07:24,303 Should we hum the theme from "jeopardy"? 136 00:07:24,303 --> 00:07:27,206 Fuck you. 137 00:07:27,206 --> 00:07:28,707 What would make me happy is to get to work on time 138 00:07:28,707 --> 00:07:30,709 And not catch shit from my boss. 139 00:07:30,709 --> 00:07:32,711 Mm, thank god you're here. 140 00:07:32,711 --> 00:07:34,213 Where have you been? 141 00:07:34,713 --> 00:07:35,714 You didn't come home last night. 142 00:07:36,215 --> 00:07:37,216 Somebody got lucky. 143 00:07:37,699 --> 00:07:40,186 Good for him. I spent the night at ted's. 144 00:07:40,685 --> 00:07:42,688 You guys, he is in deepshit trouble. 145 00:07:43,188 --> 00:07:44,689 We need to have an intervention. 146 00:07:44,689 --> 00:07:48,043 Booze? Crystal? 147 00:07:48,043 --> 00:07:51,012 Whipping the willy. 148 00:07:51,012 --> 00:07:52,447 Schmuck. 149 00:07:52,447 --> 00:07:54,382 Couldn't even get a decent addiction. 150 00:08:08,295 --> 00:08:10,298 So, can i get you guys anything? 151 00:08:10,298 --> 00:08:12,299 Coffee? Juice? 152 00:08:12,799 --> 00:08:13,800 Poppers? 153 00:08:14,251 --> 00:08:15,752 Don't get too close. 154 00:08:15,752 --> 00:08:20,190 He may ask you to squeeze something. 155 00:08:20,691 --> 00:08:21,190 So, what's up? 156 00:08:21,692 --> 00:08:23,644 You, teddy. 157 00:08:23,644 --> 00:08:25,646 You have a problem. 158 00:08:25,646 --> 00:08:28,147 That's why i brought michael and brian. 159 00:08:28,147 --> 00:08:29,148 We're your friends, 160 00:08:29,148 --> 00:08:30,100 We care about you. 161 00:08:30,100 --> 00:08:32,101 We're here to help. 162 00:08:32,101 --> 00:08:35,104 Not to worry, uh, i've got the situation in hand. 163 00:08:35,104 --> 00:08:36,989 Yeah, we can see that. 164 00:08:36,989 --> 00:08:40,993 Look, i've been under a lot of stress lately, 165 00:08:40,993 --> 00:08:43,496 And i have been releasing some tension, that's all. 166 00:08:43,496 --> 00:08:44,981 Hey, just remember... 167 00:08:44,981 --> 00:08:47,450 y-You have so much to give, so many gifts. 168 00:08:47,450 --> 00:08:48,951 There's a great, big, fabulous world... 169 00:08:48,951 --> 00:08:52,871 yeah, i already tried that. 170 00:08:53,372 --> 00:08:54,874 Fuck this. 171 00:08:54,874 --> 00:08:57,877 Get off your ass, go take a shower. You reek. 172 00:08:57,877 --> 00:09:00,880 And go find a job. 173 00:09:00,880 --> 00:09:01,846 What i think... 174 00:09:02,347 --> 00:09:02,847 Brian's... trying to say 175 00:09:03,349 --> 00:09:05,350 In his own, uh, own caring way 176 00:09:05,350 --> 00:09:08,353 Is you're having a self-Esteem crisis. 177 00:09:08,353 --> 00:09:11,356 Okay? But we know that you can become 178 00:09:11,356 --> 00:09:15,360 A valuable and productive member of society again. 179 00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:19,864 So allow us to love you, until you can love yourself. 180 00:09:19,864 --> 00:09:22,334 I think he's loved himself plenty. 181 00:09:22,334 --> 00:09:26,338 Hey, it's kinney. Put oliver on. 182 00:09:26,338 --> 00:09:28,839 Ollie? It's brian. 183 00:09:29,341 --> 00:09:33,844 Are you still looking for a replacement for mendoza? 184 00:09:33,844 --> 00:09:35,346 Well, i just found him. 185 00:09:35,346 --> 00:09:38,849 His name is schmidt. 186 00:09:38,849 --> 00:09:41,352 Ted schmidt. 187 00:09:41,352 --> 00:09:43,353 Yeah, he's a total dork. 188 00:09:43,353 --> 00:09:48,858 Perfect. I'll see him at 4:00. 189 00:09:48,858 --> 00:09:50,861 Hey, wonder-Whacker! 190 00:09:51,361 --> 00:09:52,862 I just raved about you to our head of accounting. 191 00:09:52,862 --> 00:09:55,365 You have a meeting at 4:00 o'clock. 192 00:09:55,365 --> 00:09:58,368 Don't fuck it up. 193 00:09:58,368 --> 00:10:03,856 Don't worry, i'm too sore to fuck anything. 194 00:10:04,357 --> 00:10:11,863 That's good. 195 00:10:11,863 --> 00:10:12,865 That's excellent. 196 00:10:12,865 --> 00:10:14,367 Thank you. 197 00:10:14,367 --> 00:10:16,368 All right, class. 198 00:10:16,368 --> 00:10:27,379 Let's focus on the musculature of the back and the buttocks. 199 00:10:27,379 --> 00:10:31,883 Hmm. 200 00:10:31,883 --> 00:10:34,885 Oh fuck! 201 00:10:36,387 --> 00:10:37,389 Something wrong, mr. Taylor? 202 00:10:37,389 --> 00:10:57,908 No. Nothing. 203 00:10:57,908 --> 00:10:59,910 Hey, where've you been? 204 00:10:59,910 --> 00:11:03,414 A friend was in trouble. 205 00:11:03,414 --> 00:11:05,416 Andrew's been looking for you. 206 00:11:05,416 --> 00:11:08,902 Nice of you to join us, novotny. 207 00:11:08,902 --> 00:11:10,403 Sorry, andrew, it couldn't be helped. 208 00:11:10,854 --> 00:11:12,356 Maybe waltzing in any time you pleased 209 00:11:12,356 --> 00:11:13,858 Was okay when you were running things, 210 00:11:13,858 --> 00:11:15,359 But i'm in charge now. 211 00:11:15,359 --> 00:11:17,811 Look, i said i'm sorry, okay? 212 00:11:17,811 --> 00:11:21,231 Hey, take it easy. I'm not trying to bust your balls. 213 00:11:21,231 --> 00:11:23,733 It's just that with all your experience, 214 00:11:23,733 --> 00:11:28,704 There's a lot i depend on you for. 215 00:11:28,704 --> 00:11:30,205 Thanks. Like, 216 00:11:30,205 --> 00:11:32,658 Some child just threw up in front of the dairy case. 217 00:11:32,658 --> 00:11:40,650 Who can clean it up better than you? 218 00:11:40,650 --> 00:11:47,056 Sure, andrew. Right away. 219 00:11:47,056 --> 00:11:49,058 Oh, what a jerk! 220 00:11:49,058 --> 00:11:52,561 Why do you put up with it? 221 00:11:53,062 --> 00:12:04,055 I'd better get a mop. 222 00:12:12,063 --> 00:12:16,517 Mr. Taylor? Dean ryerson. 223 00:12:16,517 --> 00:12:19,020 Professor stanley tells me you were having some trouble 224 00:12:19,020 --> 00:12:21,456 Today in life class. 225 00:12:21,456 --> 00:12:22,940 I wasn't having any trouble. 226 00:12:22,940 --> 00:12:24,892 She said you lost control of your hand. 227 00:12:24,892 --> 00:12:27,378 Hah... uh, just for a second. 228 00:12:27,878 --> 00:12:29,346 It wasn't a big deal. 229 00:12:29,346 --> 00:12:31,349 Mr. Taylor, if you're having a problem... 230 00:12:31,349 --> 00:12:33,785 it's not a problem, i told you. 231 00:12:33,785 --> 00:12:36,286 It just... it gets a little tired. 232 00:12:36,788 --> 00:12:42,274 My occupational therapist says the strength will be back. 233 00:12:42,274 --> 00:12:43,776 May i? 234 00:12:43,776 --> 00:12:56,790 It's not... it's not finished. 235 00:12:57,289 --> 00:13:00,292 You're a very talented young man, justin. 236 00:13:00,292 --> 00:13:03,796 You wouldn't have been admitted to i.F.A. If you weren't. 237 00:13:03,796 --> 00:13:05,297 But as you know, 238 00:13:05,297 --> 00:13:12,203 This is a... a very strenuous programme. 239 00:13:12,203 --> 00:13:15,674 I think you need to seriously consider 240 00:13:15,674 --> 00:13:29,521 Whether you're able to meet the requirements. 241 00:13:58,365 --> 00:14:03,871 Hi. 242 00:14:04,288 --> 00:14:04,788 Hey, michael. 243 00:14:05,288 --> 00:14:07,741 How's it going, bud? 244 00:14:07,741 --> 00:14:10,244 Better now that i'm here. 245 00:14:10,743 --> 00:14:12,746 Hey, did you order that old "justice league"? 246 00:14:12,746 --> 00:14:13,746 Yeah. 247 00:14:14,198 --> 00:14:15,198 But it might not get here in time. 248 00:14:15,699 --> 00:14:16,699 In time for what? 249 00:14:16,699 --> 00:14:19,168 End of the month, i'm taking off for florida. 250 00:14:19,168 --> 00:14:20,620 Yeah? When you coming back? 251 00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:24,123 I'm not. 252 00:14:24,123 --> 00:14:27,126 I got some friends down in st. Pete, telling me for years 253 00:14:27,126 --> 00:14:29,629 To get the hell out of the snow. So i finally decided. 254 00:14:29,629 --> 00:14:33,566 I'm packing up the van and i'm taking off. 255 00:14:33,566 --> 00:14:34,566 What about the store? 256 00:14:35,001 --> 00:14:37,502 Closing it. 22 years is long enough. 257 00:14:38,004 --> 00:14:39,472 I'm going to kick back, 258 00:14:39,472 --> 00:14:42,974 Smoke some weed, do some fishing. 259 00:14:43,476 --> 00:14:44,977 Maybe i'll start up a band. 260 00:14:44,977 --> 00:14:52,450 It's always been a dream of mine. 261 00:14:52,450 --> 00:14:55,403 Well, good luck, buzzy. 262 00:14:55,403 --> 00:15:04,378 Thanks, michael. 263 00:15:54,761 --> 00:15:55,695 I just want you to know 264 00:15:55,695 --> 00:15:58,698 How very, very proud i am of you. 265 00:15:58,698 --> 00:16:00,199 For what? 266 00:16:00,699 --> 00:16:03,201 For kicking your addiction, for getting out of bed. 267 00:16:03,201 --> 00:16:04,703 For doing something productive. 268 00:16:04,703 --> 00:16:06,688 Like sharing a bump at babylon. 269 00:16:07,190 --> 00:16:09,191 Like getting a new job. 270 00:16:09,191 --> 00:16:11,193 Thanks to my... 271 00:16:11,193 --> 00:16:12,194 dare i say it? 272 00:16:12,693 --> 00:16:14,196 Good friend brian. 273 00:16:14,196 --> 00:16:15,630 Don't say it. 274 00:16:15,630 --> 00:16:17,549 Well, you must have really impressed them. 275 00:16:17,549 --> 00:16:19,985 Oliver said you were excruciatingly boring. 276 00:16:19,985 --> 00:16:23,989 Which, apparently, is quite a big compliment for an accountant. 277 00:16:23,989 --> 00:16:25,940 Okay, 278 00:16:25,940 --> 00:16:27,441 I know i'm not your favourite person. 279 00:16:27,441 --> 00:16:29,877 In fact, out of the six billion 280 00:16:29,877 --> 00:16:31,879 People in the world, i'm sure i rank somewhere below 281 00:16:31,879 --> 00:16:35,383 The populations of zambia and zimbabwe, but, uh, 282 00:16:35,883 --> 00:16:36,884 If there's ever any way 283 00:16:36,884 --> 00:16:39,320 I can return the favour... there is. 284 00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:40,771 If you see me at lunch, 285 00:16:40,771 --> 00:16:43,240 Pretend like you don't know me. 286 00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:44,207 Gotcha. 287 00:16:44,207 --> 00:16:45,676 One for mikey. 288 00:16:46,177 --> 00:16:47,178 Get that shit away from me. 289 00:16:47,678 --> 00:16:49,180 What's with you? 290 00:16:49,180 --> 00:16:52,999 Nothing. 291 00:16:52,999 --> 00:16:56,002 Buzzy's moving to florida. 292 00:16:56,002 --> 00:16:57,504 Even fucking buzzy has a dream. 293 00:16:57,504 --> 00:16:59,440 Who's fucking buzzy? 294 00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:01,374 No one. I've seen him. 295 00:17:01,374 --> 00:17:04,878 He owns a comic book store. 296 00:17:04,878 --> 00:17:06,880 Honey, a-Aren't there other places? 297 00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:08,365 That's my place. 298 00:17:08,365 --> 00:17:09,866 I've been going there since i was 10. 299 00:17:36,424 --> 00:17:38,394 Hey! 300 00:17:38,394 --> 00:17:44,265 Hey, yourself. 301 00:17:44,265 --> 00:17:46,268 Why aren't you home packing your lunch box 302 00:17:46,268 --> 00:17:47,770 For school tomorrow? 303 00:17:47,770 --> 00:17:49,271 I don't need to. I'm not going. 304 00:17:49,271 --> 00:17:51,773 Let me guess, 305 00:17:51,773 --> 00:17:54,777 You heard they're going to make you draw vaginas. 306 00:17:54,777 --> 00:17:58,678 I quit. 307 00:17:58,678 --> 00:17:59,647 You what? 308 00:17:59,647 --> 00:18:00,581 What for? 309 00:18:00,581 --> 00:18:03,017 Well i can't draw any more, 310 00:18:03,017 --> 00:18:04,017 So... 311 00:18:04,017 --> 00:18:05,987 what's the point wasting my time? 312 00:18:05,987 --> 00:18:07,455 When i could be here, 313 00:18:07,954 --> 00:18:09,957 Popping pills and drinking beers 314 00:18:09,957 --> 00:18:12,460 And... sticking my gimp hand 315 00:18:12,460 --> 00:18:14,461 Down guys' pants. 316 00:18:14,461 --> 00:18:15,463 Do you want to dance? 317 00:18:15,463 --> 00:18:17,431 Fuck, yeah. 318 00:18:17,431 --> 00:18:19,399 That was going to be my next question. 319 00:18:22,752 --> 00:18:27,173 What's that all about? 320 00:18:27,173 --> 00:18:28,175 Pain management. 321 00:18:33,647 --> 00:18:37,133 I can't wait for this day to be over. 322 00:18:37,133 --> 00:18:41,137 Thank god it's only once a year. 323 00:18:41,137 --> 00:18:42,638 Fun for the whole family. 324 00:18:42,638 --> 00:18:43,622 More like "here's your balloon, kid, 325 00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:45,124 Now shut up and let me shop!" 326 00:18:46,609 --> 00:18:48,060 So who's the victim this year? Sally, 327 00:18:48,060 --> 00:18:50,012 The new cashier. 328 00:18:50,513 --> 00:18:53,015 She's sweet. At least she was until today. 329 00:18:53,015 --> 00:18:56,519 Today we drain her of her soul, her dignity. 330 00:18:56,519 --> 00:18:58,521 Sally just called. She's not feeling well. 331 00:18:59,021 --> 00:19:00,022 Did somebody tell her? 332 00:19:00,022 --> 00:19:01,474 Not me. 333 00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:02,975 Didn't say a word. 334 00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:03,909 We need somebody else. 335 00:19:03,909 --> 00:19:05,411 It's all yours, novotny. 336 00:19:05,411 --> 00:19:07,345 Wait a minute... store policy, 337 00:19:07,345 --> 00:19:09,281 The newest employee gets the honour. 338 00:19:09,281 --> 00:19:11,282 But michael's been here forever. 339 00:19:11,282 --> 00:19:13,284 Correction: he left, then he came back. 340 00:19:13,785 --> 00:19:15,286 So according to my calculations, you're it. 341 00:19:15,787 --> 00:19:17,288 Now go get dressed. 342 00:19:17,288 --> 00:19:18,740 Forget it! 343 00:19:25,712 --> 00:19:31,168 Can i have a balloon, please? 344 00:19:31,168 --> 00:19:32,803 But i wanted a red one. 345 00:19:32,803 --> 00:19:33,738 Life sucks, kid. 346 00:19:33,738 --> 00:19:35,172 Let's go, jimmy. 347 00:19:35,172 --> 00:19:38,609 Better you know it now than be disappointed later. 348 00:19:39,109 --> 00:19:41,111 I could swear that's michael. Where? 349 00:19:41,111 --> 00:19:43,614 There, the guy in the clown suit. 350 00:19:43,614 --> 00:19:45,532 What would he be doing in a clown suit? 351 00:19:46,033 --> 00:19:48,035 He's a manager. They don't make managers clowns. 352 00:19:48,035 --> 00:19:50,970 Oh, shit. Excuse me, 353 00:19:50,970 --> 00:19:53,973 Could we get a balloon for our son? 354 00:19:53,973 --> 00:19:55,909 Oh, thanks, but we only need one. 355 00:19:55,909 --> 00:19:57,860 We're looking for our friend michael novotny. 356 00:19:57,860 --> 00:20:02,298 He works here. 357 00:20:02,298 --> 00:20:04,800 Michael, it is you! 358 00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:05,801 Honk, honk. 359 00:20:05,801 --> 00:20:08,304 Oh, michael, why are you doing this? 360 00:20:08,304 --> 00:20:11,774 Don't ask. And don't tell. Especially brian. 361 00:20:11,774 --> 00:20:12,775 There have been some great clowns. 362 00:20:13,276 --> 00:20:19,782 Bozo, emmett kelly. 363 00:20:19,782 --> 00:20:23,251 Well, hey, what about gus' balloon? 364 00:20:23,251 --> 00:20:24,753 ...ends, always. 365 00:20:25,254 --> 00:20:26,254 Hey, guys, how's it going? 366 00:20:26,254 --> 00:20:28,257 Who's that? 367 00:20:28,257 --> 00:20:30,759 Who, the geezer? Fuck if i know. 368 00:20:30,759 --> 00:20:32,761 Okay, shep. We're ready to be wowed. 369 00:20:33,261 --> 00:20:34,262 What's going to make us sell our blood 370 00:20:34,262 --> 00:20:36,765 And buy easton heights tea bags? 371 00:20:36,765 --> 00:20:38,266 No pressure, huh, bri? 372 00:20:38,266 --> 00:20:40,201 If you're not feeling pressure, 373 00:20:40,201 --> 00:20:44,672 I'm not doing my job. 374 00:20:44,672 --> 00:20:46,140 That's interesting. 375 00:20:46,140 --> 00:20:48,642 Uh, of course it still needs some refining. 376 00:20:48,642 --> 00:20:51,612 I can give you a poppy in there like that, 377 00:20:51,612 --> 00:20:53,097 And, uh... 378 00:20:53,097 --> 00:20:54,531 Stems. We need some green stems. 379 00:20:54,531 --> 00:20:57,017 I'll give you some of that. 380 00:20:57,485 --> 00:20:58,969 There you go. 381 00:20:58,969 --> 00:21:01,405 And, uh, you don't like the header, i'll give you a new header. 382 00:21:01,405 --> 00:21:03,841 Try that. 383 00:21:03,841 --> 00:21:05,308 That's amazing. Thanks. 384 00:21:05,308 --> 00:21:07,710 I'm talking about this thing. 385 00:21:07,710 --> 00:21:21,074 Oh, state of the art. Go ahead, try it. 386 00:21:21,208 --> 00:21:22,508 Are you familiar 387 00:21:22,508 --> 00:21:24,477 With the peachtree software? 388 00:21:24,477 --> 00:21:25,912 It's just like my last job. 389 00:21:25,912 --> 00:21:27,413 We keep our receivables current 390 00:21:27,914 --> 00:21:30,917 And we have a revolving line of credit at the bank of pittsburgh. 391 00:21:30,917 --> 00:21:32,869 Huh, just like my last job. 392 00:21:32,869 --> 00:21:34,871 We pad our client billing. 393 00:21:34,871 --> 00:21:36,306 Just like my last job. 394 00:21:36,306 --> 00:21:37,307 And we walk around 395 00:21:37,307 --> 00:21:39,676 Like we're dead inside. 396 00:21:39,676 --> 00:21:42,177 Just like my last job. 397 00:21:42,177 --> 00:21:47,182 Mr. Schmidt? Mr. Schmidt? 398 00:21:47,683 --> 00:21:51,186 I will, uh, get started on this right away, mr. Wertschafter, uh... 399 00:21:51,186 --> 00:21:52,621 fleischafter... 400 00:21:52,621 --> 00:21:54,072 Mr. Uh... flei... 401 00:21:54,573 --> 00:21:56,058 fleischacker, uh... 402 00:21:56,058 --> 00:21:58,026 Sir... shackter. 403 00:22:02,030 --> 00:22:03,532 Ted schmidt. 404 00:22:03,532 --> 00:22:04,532 Hey, i just... 405 00:22:04,532 --> 00:22:06,535 called to see how it's going. 406 00:22:06,535 --> 00:22:08,036 Oh, it's great. Couldn't be better. 407 00:22:08,536 --> 00:22:09,521 So, what's it like? 408 00:22:10,522 --> 00:22:13,475 I have a desk and a chair and a computer. 409 00:22:13,974 --> 00:22:15,393 W-What's the colour scheme? 410 00:22:15,393 --> 00:22:17,878 Beigey-Gray. 411 00:22:17,878 --> 00:22:19,380 Or grayish-Beige. 412 00:22:19,380 --> 00:22:20,831 You know, take your pick. 413 00:22:20,831 --> 00:22:24,384 Well, that sounds perfect, honey. 414 00:22:24,384 --> 00:22:25,386 All right, well just, uh... 415 00:22:25,386 --> 00:22:27,388 just stay off you-Know-What.Com. 416 00:22:29,690 --> 00:22:34,161 Thank you, god, for making me bad at math. 417 00:22:34,161 --> 00:22:37,164 Hey, you know, you look good with a little makeup. 418 00:22:37,164 --> 00:22:39,667 Fuck! They told you, didn't they? 419 00:22:39,667 --> 00:22:43,670 They couldn't wait. Told me what? 420 00:22:43,670 --> 00:22:46,673 What are you talking about? Gay pride. 421 00:22:46,673 --> 00:22:48,675 What are you talking about? 422 00:22:49,175 --> 00:22:50,677 Gay pride. How'd they turn out? 423 00:22:50,677 --> 00:22:52,679 You're going to hate me for saying this, 424 00:22:52,679 --> 00:22:55,180 But you make one bitchin' broad. 425 00:22:55,180 --> 00:22:57,683 I can't believe i let you talk me into wearing a dress. 426 00:23:00,186 --> 00:23:02,689 Here i am, kissing my boss. 427 00:23:02,689 --> 00:23:04,190 The biggest asshole in the world. 428 00:23:04,190 --> 00:23:06,692 Honey, that's what pride is all about. 429 00:23:06,692 --> 00:23:10,696 Love and forgiveness, i mean. 430 00:23:10,696 --> 00:23:25,711 Are you wearing blush? 431 00:24:33,424 --> 00:24:51,309 The lost boy returns. 432 00:24:59,801 --> 00:25:00,802 Feeling better? 433 00:25:00,802 --> 00:25:03,805 Ahh, lots. 434 00:25:03,805 --> 00:25:05,806 How's daphne? 435 00:25:05,806 --> 00:25:08,309 Uh, she and her roommates had to study. 436 00:25:08,309 --> 00:25:10,762 Fortunately, that's not my problem. 437 00:25:10,762 --> 00:25:13,264 I went to woody's. I let guys buy me drinks. 438 00:25:13,764 --> 00:25:15,265 They all wanted to fuck me. 439 00:25:15,265 --> 00:25:18,202 At least i still have my looks. 440 00:25:18,702 --> 00:25:25,209 I told them no. I'm saving that for you. 441 00:25:25,709 --> 00:25:27,711 Aren't you a sweetheart? 442 00:25:27,711 --> 00:25:30,213 Let's go. Come on. 443 00:25:30,213 --> 00:25:32,165 Later. 444 00:25:32,165 --> 00:25:34,166 Come and see what i got you. What? 445 00:25:34,668 --> 00:25:36,169 A new butt plug? Manacles? 446 00:25:36,169 --> 00:25:38,170 I know, a vacu-Pump? Better. 447 00:25:38,170 --> 00:25:40,140 I saw it today at work. It's... i'm not interested. 448 00:25:40,140 --> 00:25:41,642 You don't even know what it is. 449 00:25:41,642 --> 00:25:43,093 Sure i do. It's false hope. 450 00:25:43,593 --> 00:25:45,546 No, watch. You can draw with it, see? 451 00:25:45,546 --> 00:25:46,546 Same as a pen, 452 00:25:46,546 --> 00:25:47,980 Or a pencil, or a paintbrush. 453 00:25:47,980 --> 00:25:49,932 Just much easier to control. 454 00:25:49,932 --> 00:25:54,320 Oh, like with my gimp hand? 455 00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:56,822 And there's a million special effects you can create with it. 456 00:25:56,822 --> 00:25:59,792 Stop being a fucking princess and come give it a try. 457 00:25:59,792 --> 00:26:02,295 What for? To make you happy? 458 00:26:02,295 --> 00:26:03,746 So that you can tell yourself 459 00:26:03,746 --> 00:26:05,214 You fixed little justin's problems 460 00:26:05,214 --> 00:26:08,650 And made everything all better? 461 00:26:08,650 --> 00:26:16,458 Well you can't fix this, all right? No one can. 462 00:26:16,458 --> 00:26:17,459 So you're just going to quit. 463 00:26:17,459 --> 00:26:20,462 Huh. It's over, all right? 464 00:26:20,462 --> 00:26:22,463 Accept it. I'm not going to draw again. 465 00:26:22,463 --> 00:26:23,899 And no fucking electronic 466 00:26:24,399 --> 00:26:31,772 Crayola box is going to fix that. 467 00:26:31,772 --> 00:26:41,616 So why don't you come fuck me before i pass out? 468 00:26:41,616 --> 00:26:42,616 Excuse me, sir, can you tell me 469 00:26:43,117 --> 00:26:44,118 Where i can find the rubber noses? 470 00:26:44,602 --> 00:26:46,086 I hear they're getting you a bunny suit 471 00:26:46,587 --> 00:26:48,088 For the easter sale. 472 00:26:48,088 --> 00:26:49,590 Don't you guys have anything better to do, 473 00:26:50,074 --> 00:26:52,558 Like your jobs? We're just kidding around. 474 00:26:52,558 --> 00:26:54,545 Well, why don't you kid around somewhere else? 475 00:26:57,046 --> 00:27:00,516 They're the clowns. 476 00:27:00,516 --> 00:27:03,020 They were right. I was ridiculous. 477 00:27:03,519 --> 00:27:06,522 Okay, novotny, better get into this. 478 00:27:06,522 --> 00:27:08,024 What? 479 00:27:08,024 --> 00:27:09,525 You did such a great job yesterday, 480 00:27:09,525 --> 00:27:11,527 I figured you should do it again today. 481 00:27:11,527 --> 00:27:13,496 No fucking way! Hey, watch your language, pal, 482 00:27:13,496 --> 00:27:15,999 This is a family store. Now get dressed. 483 00:27:16,482 --> 00:27:18,935 Sorry, andrew, you're just going to have to find somebody else. 484 00:27:18,935 --> 00:27:21,437 Excuse me? I said no! 485 00:27:21,938 --> 00:27:23,872 In case you've forgotten, i'm the manager now. 486 00:27:23,872 --> 00:27:25,325 I'm well aware of that, 487 00:27:25,325 --> 00:27:27,826 Since you've managed to never let me forget it. 488 00:27:27,826 --> 00:27:29,828 But the thing you can't forget 489 00:27:29,828 --> 00:27:31,330 Is that the only reason you have this job 490 00:27:31,830 --> 00:27:32,831 Is because i left. 491 00:27:33,332 --> 00:27:35,767 My only mistake is i never should have come back. 492 00:27:35,767 --> 00:27:39,755 I said put it on. 493 00:27:39,755 --> 00:27:45,677 And i said no. 494 00:27:45,677 --> 00:27:48,180 Put it on. 495 00:27:48,180 --> 00:28:00,057 Or you're fired. 496 00:28:00,057 --> 00:28:04,512 Fuck... you. 497 00:28:05,012 --> 00:28:10,468 Bye, trace. Bye. 498 00:28:10,934 --> 00:28:15,438 So long, lover-Boy. 499 00:28:15,438 --> 00:28:18,441 Attention, big q shoppers, 500 00:28:18,441 --> 00:28:21,395 Another day, another dollar sale. 501 00:28:21,395 --> 00:28:23,363 For all your cosmetic needs, 502 00:28:23,363 --> 00:28:25,331 From lipstick to eyeliner... 503 00:28:25,331 --> 00:28:28,334 yeah! 504 00:28:28,818 --> 00:28:30,787 Watch your backs, hot stuff coming through. 505 00:28:30,787 --> 00:28:33,289 No kiddin'. Whoo! 506 00:28:33,289 --> 00:28:35,742 I've never seen anyone eat a doughnut like that before. 507 00:28:35,742 --> 00:28:37,243 Is it a southern sort of thing? 508 00:28:37,743 --> 00:28:40,729 Mm, more of a survival sort of thing. 509 00:28:40,729 --> 00:28:45,201 Try and grab it. 510 00:28:45,201 --> 00:28:48,704 Oh, god! 511 00:28:48,704 --> 00:28:50,205 Miss manners may not have approved, 512 00:28:50,205 --> 00:28:51,707 But with six hungry brothers and sisters, 513 00:28:52,207 --> 00:28:53,710 It's how i kept my belly full. 514 00:28:53,710 --> 00:28:55,711 Mm, hey! More coffee, 515 00:28:55,711 --> 00:29:08,090 Java boy. 516 00:29:08,090 --> 00:29:11,542 Oh! Careful. Careful. 517 00:29:12,044 --> 00:29:14,045 Maybe you ought to give your hand a rest, huh, sunshine? 518 00:29:14,045 --> 00:29:20,384 Maybe you should mind you own fucking business. 519 00:29:20,384 --> 00:29:21,886 What'd you just say to me? 520 00:29:22,353 --> 00:29:23,354 I said mind your own business. 521 00:29:23,354 --> 00:29:24,856 Yeah, i heard what you said. 522 00:29:24,856 --> 00:29:26,357 Then why'd you ask me to repeat it? 523 00:29:26,357 --> 00:29:27,775 I wanted to be sure i heard it correctly. 524 00:29:28,276 --> 00:29:32,780 Ah... leave me the fuck alone. 525 00:29:32,780 --> 00:29:39,169 Justin! 526 00:29:39,670 --> 00:29:41,671 I know what happened to you sucks, 527 00:29:41,671 --> 00:29:44,608 And i'm not gonna give you some... pollyanna shit 528 00:29:44,608 --> 00:29:46,610 About everything happens for a reason, or... 529 00:29:46,610 --> 00:29:50,113 Or... or this was god's gift to make y-You strong. 530 00:29:50,113 --> 00:29:52,616 'Cause if anybody had said that to me, honey, 531 00:29:52,616 --> 00:29:59,071 When vic was dying, i woulda punched 'em right in the fucking mouth. 532 00:29:59,071 --> 00:30:02,025 All you can do at a time like this 533 00:30:02,025 --> 00:30:08,965 Is just hang on until the scenery changes. 534 00:30:08,965 --> 00:30:12,952 So... why don't you just let me lend a hand 535 00:30:13,452 --> 00:30:18,908 In pouring the hot stuff, okay? 536 00:30:19,408 --> 00:30:22,877 Mm-Hmm. 537 00:30:22,877 --> 00:30:25,865 And one more thing. 538 00:30:26,365 --> 00:30:28,868 The next time you talk to me like that, 539 00:30:28,868 --> 00:30:30,869 I'm gonna rip you a new butthole so big, 540 00:30:30,869 --> 00:30:35,373 You're gonna be able to take a cannon up your ass. 541 00:30:37,309 --> 00:30:40,745 Bye. Bye. 542 00:30:40,745 --> 00:30:44,249 Something tells me you need a break. 543 00:30:44,249 --> 00:30:45,750 Hmm. 544 00:30:54,242 --> 00:30:55,743 So, what do you think? 545 00:30:55,743 --> 00:30:59,713 Who gives a shit what i think? 546 00:31:00,714 --> 00:31:02,717 The composition's good. 547 00:31:02,717 --> 00:31:07,154 The, uh, technique, use of colour, it's interesting. 548 00:31:07,154 --> 00:31:09,156 I don't particularly care for the subject matter. 549 00:31:09,655 --> 00:31:11,158 A sad young man. 550 00:31:11,658 --> 00:31:12,659 Yeah, who needs to look at that? 551 00:31:12,659 --> 00:31:18,081 Especially when you've got a mirror. 552 00:31:18,081 --> 00:31:19,583 I like that one. 553 00:31:19,583 --> 00:31:21,084 It's, um... 554 00:31:21,084 --> 00:31:23,586 It's less representational. It's more spontaneous. 555 00:31:23,586 --> 00:31:26,072 It's more... angry. 556 00:31:26,072 --> 00:31:31,561 Like what you're feeling? 557 00:31:31,561 --> 00:31:33,062 The artist has obviously been influenced 558 00:31:33,563 --> 00:31:36,065 By the work of the abstract expressionists... 559 00:31:36,065 --> 00:31:39,068 De kooning. Gottlieb. 560 00:31:39,068 --> 00:31:40,552 Klein. Lindsay! 561 00:31:40,552 --> 00:31:43,055 Long time, babe. 562 00:31:43,055 --> 00:31:47,059 Too long. Hey. 563 00:31:47,059 --> 00:31:48,493 Congratulations on the show. Thanks. 564 00:31:48,493 --> 00:31:50,445 How's it going? Sold three already. 565 00:31:50,947 --> 00:31:51,446 Not bad. 566 00:31:51,947 --> 00:31:53,949 A couple more, i'm on my way to rio. 567 00:31:55,433 --> 00:31:56,935 I'd like you to meet a friend. 568 00:31:56,935 --> 00:31:58,436 This is justin taylor. 569 00:31:58,436 --> 00:31:59,437 This is adrienne bennett. 570 00:31:59,938 --> 00:32:00,939 She's the artist. 571 00:32:00,939 --> 00:32:02,874 Justin's an artist too. 572 00:32:03,375 --> 00:32:04,876 He was just commenting on this piece, 573 00:32:04,876 --> 00:32:07,378 How much he liked the spontaneity, the anger. 574 00:32:07,378 --> 00:32:10,815 I was in a mood that day. 575 00:32:10,815 --> 00:32:13,268 So what kind of stuff you do? 576 00:32:13,268 --> 00:32:15,769 I don't any more. I gave it up. 577 00:32:15,769 --> 00:32:17,721 Hmm. 578 00:32:17,721 --> 00:32:20,674 Christ, if i couldn't work, i'd wheel myself off a cliff. 579 00:32:20,674 --> 00:32:24,161 H-How do you? I mean... work? 580 00:32:24,662 --> 00:32:26,597 Uh, the way two snails fuck: 581 00:32:26,597 --> 00:32:29,099 Veryslowly. 582 00:32:31,018 --> 00:32:33,503 I got this contraption i call the "one-Arm bandit". 583 00:32:33,503 --> 00:32:35,004 They strap it to my good arm. 584 00:32:35,004 --> 00:32:36,974 That's the way i direct the brush. 585 00:32:36,974 --> 00:32:37,958 Sounds hard. 586 00:32:38,459 --> 00:32:39,876 So what's easy besides complaining? 587 00:32:39,876 --> 00:32:41,311 As if you never did that. 588 00:32:41,811 --> 00:32:45,198 Oh, back off, bitch. I'll roll over your foot. 589 00:32:45,198 --> 00:32:48,117 Now, i'll admit i wasn't too pleased 590 00:32:48,117 --> 00:32:50,620 After doing a spin-Out on the penn-Lincoln parkway 591 00:32:50,620 --> 00:32:53,122 To wake up and discover my tapdancing days were over. 592 00:32:53,122 --> 00:32:57,076 Let alone painting. In fact, i was offering big bucks 593 00:32:57,076 --> 00:33:00,046 To anyone who'd shoot me. 594 00:33:00,046 --> 00:33:05,968 You must be feeling the same way. 595 00:33:05,968 --> 00:33:09,972 It ain't the end of the world, kid. 596 00:33:10,472 --> 00:33:13,925 Unless you want it to be. 597 00:33:13,925 --> 00:33:16,928 Now, pick a painting. 598 00:33:17,429 --> 00:33:18,397 Hmm? 599 00:33:18,397 --> 00:33:19,348 I want you to have one. 600 00:33:19,348 --> 00:33:20,349 Adrienne. 601 00:33:20,349 --> 00:33:21,350 Don't worry about it. 602 00:33:21,350 --> 00:33:28,739 There's plenty more where these came from. 603 00:33:28,739 --> 00:33:31,242 I just called the big q. 604 00:33:31,242 --> 00:33:33,245 They said that you no longer work there, 605 00:33:33,245 --> 00:33:34,746 That you quit? 606 00:33:34,746 --> 00:33:35,746 That's right, ma. 607 00:33:36,164 --> 00:33:38,165 Why would you do a stupid thing like that? 608 00:33:38,165 --> 00:33:39,667 Well, uh... 609 00:33:39,667 --> 00:33:41,168 i'm following my dream. 610 00:33:41,168 --> 00:33:43,087 To be unemployed? 611 00:33:43,554 --> 00:33:45,039 Leave him alone, deb. 612 00:33:45,039 --> 00:33:46,957 I should've known that you'd be involved. 613 00:33:46,957 --> 00:33:48,459 I had nothing to do with it. 614 00:33:48,459 --> 00:33:50,394 Yeah, i've been hearing that since you were 14. 615 00:33:50,394 --> 00:33:51,761 It's his life. 616 00:33:51,761 --> 00:33:53,748 Yeah, that's easy for you to say. You can pay your bills. 617 00:33:53,748 --> 00:33:55,199 Would you two knock it off? 618 00:33:55,699 --> 00:33:57,200 I'm trying to concentrate. 619 00:33:57,200 --> 00:33:58,685 On what? 620 00:33:58,685 --> 00:34:00,186 I'm auctioning something on ebay. 621 00:34:00,186 --> 00:34:02,172 Your mother? 622 00:34:02,172 --> 00:34:04,174 Don't start the bidding too high. 623 00:34:04,174 --> 00:34:06,143 My captain astro. Volume one. Issue one. 624 00:34:06,143 --> 00:34:08,111 The one i bought you for your birthday? 625 00:34:08,111 --> 00:34:10,613 That cost a fucking mint. I know. 626 00:34:10,613 --> 00:34:16,002 If i get enough for it, i'm going to buy buzzy's store. 627 00:34:16,002 --> 00:34:19,005 You're buying a comic book store? That's crazy. 628 00:34:19,005 --> 00:34:20,973 So is staying in a job where i'm going to be miserable 629 00:34:20,973 --> 00:34:25,894 For the rest of my life. 630 00:34:25,894 --> 00:34:28,348 What's the bid at? 631 00:34:28,348 --> 00:34:31,316 It's stuck at $1,000. $1,000? 632 00:34:31,316 --> 00:34:33,318 Fuck, it's worth more than that. Scoot over. 633 00:34:33,318 --> 00:34:34,820 If you said you were really sorry, 634 00:34:34,820 --> 00:34:36,822 Maybe they'd give you your job back. 635 00:34:36,822 --> 00:34:37,790 There's only a few minutes left. 636 00:34:37,790 --> 00:34:39,742 How does $5,000 sound? 637 00:34:39,742 --> 00:34:41,243 You're bidding on it yourself? 638 00:34:41,243 --> 00:34:43,177 Why in the fuck would you do that? 639 00:34:43,177 --> 00:34:45,114 You already bought it once. 640 00:34:45,114 --> 00:34:46,565 The secret to getting someone to want something 641 00:34:46,565 --> 00:34:49,068 Is convincing them someone else wants it more. 642 00:34:49,567 --> 00:34:54,138 That'll never work. People aren't that stupid. 643 00:34:54,138 --> 00:34:57,458 $6,000! 644 00:34:57,458 --> 00:34:59,962 Then again... 645 00:35:01,396 --> 00:35:04,399 "handy". 646 00:35:04,399 --> 00:35:09,403 "Sex men". 647 00:35:09,403 --> 00:35:13,408 "...Apes". 648 00:35:13,408 --> 00:35:16,911 So... i will bring... 649 00:35:17,412 --> 00:35:21,365 The rest back tomorrow. The rest? 650 00:35:21,365 --> 00:35:23,366 Just put them on my charge, quentin. 651 00:35:23,366 --> 00:35:26,369 Which of these do you recommend? 652 00:35:26,369 --> 00:35:27,871 You think i watch this shit? 653 00:35:27,871 --> 00:35:29,873 Ask him. He's seen them all. 654 00:35:29,873 --> 00:35:32,375 Lemme see. 655 00:35:32,375 --> 00:35:34,377 "Your ass-Licked park". 656 00:35:34,377 --> 00:35:35,879 Well, it's an excellent rimming scene 657 00:35:35,879 --> 00:35:38,381 Between a paleontologist and a stegosaurus. 658 00:35:38,381 --> 00:35:40,883 "Forrest dump". Some idiot gives nixon 659 00:35:41,384 --> 00:35:42,886 A plate job in the oval office. 660 00:35:42,886 --> 00:35:44,887 Oh, definitely this one. 661 00:35:44,887 --> 00:35:46,889 "Arm 'n head in". It's got the best fisting scene 662 00:35:47,389 --> 00:35:48,891 On an asteroid headed to earth ever filmed. 663 00:35:48,891 --> 00:35:53,896 Wow. You're amazing. 664 00:35:53,896 --> 00:35:55,898 No, you are amazing. 665 00:35:55,898 --> 00:35:58,400 Although i wouldn't call knowing every boybang flick ever made 666 00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:00,402 A significant contribution to cultural literacy. 667 00:36:00,903 --> 00:36:02,403 Ah, hey, missy big-Words. 668 00:36:02,403 --> 00:36:03,905 I'm not ashamed of loving porn. 669 00:36:03,905 --> 00:36:05,908 Pornography happens to serve an important 670 00:36:05,908 --> 00:36:07,409 And profoundly humane service. 671 00:36:07,409 --> 00:36:08,911 Oh, this ought to be good. 672 00:36:08,911 --> 00:36:11,914 All right. Take a guy like me renting a video, okay? 673 00:36:11,914 --> 00:36:14,916 W-What're my choices? A moronic comedy, 674 00:36:14,916 --> 00:36:18,419 A cop drama starring some brainless actor 675 00:36:18,419 --> 00:36:20,922 Shooting off his widdle gun, or... 676 00:36:21,423 --> 00:36:24,926 an exotic fantasy land filled with beautiful men, 677 00:36:24,926 --> 00:36:27,428 All of whom are there for the sole purpose of pleasing me. 678 00:36:27,428 --> 00:36:30,431 Ah-H. See, it's my chance to be brian kinney. 679 00:36:30,431 --> 00:36:31,933 Fuck anyone i want. All right. All right. 680 00:36:31,933 --> 00:36:33,434 All right. All right, all right. 681 00:36:33,434 --> 00:36:34,936 So you get your rocks off to some dream boy, 682 00:36:34,936 --> 00:36:38,438 But you gotta admit, it's a dirty business. 683 00:36:38,438 --> 00:36:40,941 What, making people happy? 684 00:36:40,941 --> 00:36:43,443 It's a lot more than i can say for my job. 685 00:36:43,443 --> 00:36:46,947 All i do is crunch numbers so some asshole can cheat uncle sam 686 00:36:46,947 --> 00:36:49,449 Out of a few extra bucks. See, now that's what i call porn. 687 00:36:49,950 --> 00:36:51,450 There's no redeeming social value whatsoever. 688 00:36:51,450 --> 00:36:54,454 I think you provide an extremely important service. 689 00:36:54,454 --> 00:36:55,455 Preparing your taxes? 690 00:36:55,956 --> 00:36:57,958 Yeah, great. When's the last time it made you come? 691 00:36:57,958 --> 00:37:01,460 1998. I got a big refund. 692 00:37:01,460 --> 00:37:09,468 I gotta get to court. 693 00:37:28,353 --> 00:37:34,360 Yeah. Go for it. 694 00:37:34,360 --> 00:37:37,295 It's stuck at 6,000. 695 00:37:37,295 --> 00:37:39,264 Alrighty... 7,000. 696 00:37:39,264 --> 00:37:40,765 Christ, brian, are you sure you want to do that? 697 00:37:40,765 --> 00:37:42,701 Uh, there's only 30 seconds left. 698 00:37:42,701 --> 00:37:45,086 Oh, jesus, mary and joseph. 699 00:37:45,086 --> 00:37:46,071 Ha. 8,000. 700 00:37:46,071 --> 00:37:47,005 Oh! 701 00:37:47,471 --> 00:37:48,473 Take it. Take it! 702 00:37:48,473 --> 00:37:49,974 It doesn't work that way, ma. 703 00:37:50,475 --> 00:37:50,959 9,000. 704 00:37:51,458 --> 00:37:52,394 Oh god, no! 705 00:37:52,394 --> 00:37:53,894 Oh, i can't look. 706 00:37:53,894 --> 00:37:55,396 I can't look. Neither can i. 707 00:37:55,396 --> 00:37:56,897 You have your finger in my eye. 708 00:37:56,897 --> 00:37:57,898 I'm sorry, honey. Ow. 709 00:37:57,898 --> 00:38:05,739 10 seconds. 710 00:38:06,240 --> 00:38:10,560 Nobody's bidding! 711 00:38:10,560 --> 00:38:16,250 Look. 712 00:38:16,250 --> 00:38:17,251 10,000. 713 00:38:17,251 --> 00:38:19,252 10,000. 714 00:38:19,252 --> 00:38:20,753 10,000. 715 00:38:20,753 --> 00:38:22,221 10,000! 716 00:38:22,221 --> 00:38:23,222 10,000! 717 00:38:23,222 --> 00:38:26,659 $10,000! 718 00:38:27,160 --> 00:38:29,162 Oh, and to think i used to yell at you 719 00:38:29,162 --> 00:38:30,663 For reading them! 720 00:38:30,663 --> 00:38:33,116 Oh, my god! $10,000! 721 00:38:33,616 --> 00:38:36,085 Oh, honey! 10,000! 722 00:38:36,085 --> 00:38:38,037 Your own store. 723 00:38:38,538 --> 00:38:39,539 I can't believe it. 724 00:38:39,539 --> 00:38:41,507 I know somebody who has his own store. 725 00:38:41,507 --> 00:38:44,493 Finally i can get a fabulous discount 726 00:38:44,493 --> 00:38:47,496 On something i have absolutely no desire to own. 727 00:38:49,399 --> 00:38:51,400 Why couldn't your dream have been cashmere? 728 00:38:51,901 --> 00:38:54,820 My grandfather used to own his own dry goods store... 729 00:38:54,820 --> 00:38:56,822 in brooklyn, and he used to say, 730 00:38:56,822 --> 00:39:00,275 "Better to work for yourself than some meshuganah goniff." 731 00:39:00,275 --> 00:39:01,743 He knew what he was talking about, 732 00:39:02,244 --> 00:39:06,248 Even if no one else did. 733 00:39:06,248 --> 00:39:07,749 What was that for? 734 00:39:07,749 --> 00:39:09,750 'Cause you're so pathetic. 735 00:39:09,750 --> 00:39:11,252 Thanks a lot. 736 00:39:11,252 --> 00:39:13,255 You put your fucking life up for auction. 737 00:39:13,255 --> 00:39:16,173 I mean, what if it hadn't worked out? 738 00:39:16,674 --> 00:39:18,175 Well, i guess i'd have no money 739 00:39:18,175 --> 00:39:20,177 And no job, no nothing. 740 00:39:20,177 --> 00:39:25,182 Nothing but the biggest balls in the whole fucking world. 741 00:39:25,182 --> 00:39:26,684 Teddy! 742 00:39:26,684 --> 00:39:30,604 Why, theodore schmidt! 743 00:39:30,604 --> 00:39:31,555 Thought you might be, uh, 744 00:39:31,555 --> 00:39:33,758 Greasing the old pole. Uh, actually 745 00:39:33,758 --> 00:39:36,243 I've finally come to my senses. 746 00:39:36,243 --> 00:39:39,246 So to speak, and, uh, i-I want to thank you guys 747 00:39:39,746 --> 00:39:42,232 For helping me through one of the darkest 748 00:39:42,232 --> 00:39:44,234 And most difficult times in my life. 749 00:39:44,234 --> 00:39:46,236 Oh, baby. But, 750 00:39:46,720 --> 00:39:49,205 I'm finally ready to become a productive part of society again. 751 00:39:49,205 --> 00:39:51,207 I-I want to give back to the community, 752 00:39:51,207 --> 00:39:53,660 Feel a sense of pride, 753 00:39:53,660 --> 00:39:55,128 Of purpose. 754 00:39:55,628 --> 00:39:57,113 That's wonderful, sweetheart. Ahh! 755 00:39:57,113 --> 00:39:59,115 So... 756 00:39:59,615 --> 00:40:03,053 i have decided to quit my new job... 757 00:40:03,053 --> 00:40:04,037 and... 758 00:40:04,537 --> 00:40:08,040 start my own porno web site. 759 00:40:08,040 --> 00:40:10,944 What? 760 00:40:14,446 --> 00:40:16,416 Well, at least he's following his dream. 761 00:40:16,416 --> 00:40:19,902 However wet it may be. 762 00:40:19,902 --> 00:40:22,204 What? 52768

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