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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 0 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000 Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org 1 00:00:09,567 --> 00:00:12,365 # You must remember this 2 00:00:12,407 --> 00:00:15,001 # A kiss is still a kiss 3 00:00:15,047 --> 00:00:17,845 # A sigh is just a sigh 4 00:00:20,527 --> 00:00:24,202 # The fundamental things apply 5 00:00:24,247 --> 00:00:27,876 # As time goes by # 6 00:00:32,807 --> 00:00:35,719 - So what do you think? - It's very nice. 7 00:00:35,767 --> 00:00:39,077 - No, what do you think of the logo? - Very nice. 8 00:00:39,127 --> 00:00:41,516 I want an honest opinion. 9 00:00:41,567 --> 00:00:46,038 - It's a bit like Superman 2, isn't it? - The 2 is because it's a second branch. 10 00:00:46,087 --> 00:00:48,476 Yes, I'd worked that out. 11 00:00:48,527 --> 00:00:50,722 You don't like it, do you? 12 00:00:50,767 --> 00:00:53,839 To tell you the truth, it's a bit pretentious for my taste. 13 00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:57,357 - You think I'm pretentious? - I wasn't talking about you. That. 14 00:00:57,407 --> 00:01:01,195 Well, as I thought it up, the implication's obvious. 15 00:01:01,247 --> 00:01:03,807 - Iron drawers. - What? 16 00:01:03,847 --> 00:01:08,045 Sandy said that's what the girls in the office used to call you. I can see why. 17 00:01:08,087 --> 00:01:11,477 I want you to be pleased. I've worked so hard for the second branch. 18 00:01:11,527 --> 00:01:14,166 I am pleased. I just don't like the name. 19 00:01:14,207 --> 00:01:16,926 - Would you like to see inside? - Mm, rather. 20 00:01:16,967 --> 00:01:19,401 Are you being sarcastic? Sorry. 21 00:01:19,447 --> 00:01:21,642 Shouldn't you wear a hat and cut a tape? 22 00:01:21,687 --> 00:01:24,440 Ha. I'll do that when it opens. 23 00:01:27,247 --> 00:01:29,522 Oh, thank you very much. 24 00:01:33,007 --> 00:01:35,237 They're rather fun, these. 25 00:01:36,447 --> 00:01:39,962 Oh, yes. The girls and I play on them all the time. 26 00:01:40,607 --> 00:01:43,599 Do you really think this logo's pretentious? 27 00:01:43,647 --> 00:01:47,242 - Look, what weight does my opinion carry? - We are living together. 28 00:01:47,287 --> 00:01:50,597 My opinion carries no weight in a business sense. 29 00:01:50,647 --> 00:01:53,605 What do I know? I'm hardly a tycoon, am I? 30 00:01:54,807 --> 00:01:58,925 - What, still nothing on the lecture front? - No, they seem to have dried up. 31 00:01:58,967 --> 00:02:03,085 I suppose me chuntering on about my life in Kenya always did have a boredom threshold. 32 00:02:03,127 --> 00:02:06,961 Well, there's always the book. They can suddenly take off, books. 33 00:02:07,007 --> 00:02:11,319 The only way this one will take off is if someone reads it on a plane. 34 00:02:11,367 --> 00:02:15,519 You're not talking like a man who once played rugby against a parachute regiment. 35 00:02:15,567 --> 00:02:17,842 I was young. All I had to do was get bashed about. 36 00:02:17,887 --> 00:02:21,277 How did we get talking about me? You're the man of the moment. 37 00:02:21,327 --> 00:02:24,239 Oh, I bet Richard Branson is shaking in his shoes. 38 00:02:24,287 --> 00:02:26,278 Actually, I do have a problem. 39 00:02:26,327 --> 00:02:28,682 I need somebody to run this new branch. 40 00:02:28,727 --> 00:02:31,241 - If that's an offer... - No, it isn't. 41 00:02:31,287 --> 00:02:34,404 You're a dear man, Lionel... Well, you can be a dear man. 42 00:02:34,447 --> 00:02:38,759 But the thought of you running a secretarial agency... Get off! Get off! 43 00:02:38,807 --> 00:02:41,082 Get off! 44 00:02:41,127 --> 00:02:44,483 - I don't have to go on, do I? - Absolutely not. 45 00:02:44,527 --> 00:02:47,963 - Talk of a bull in a china shop. - We agreed you didn't have to go on. 46 00:02:48,007 --> 00:02:49,565 Sorry. 47 00:02:50,447 --> 00:02:53,120 I'd have thought Judith was the obvious choice. 48 00:02:54,687 --> 00:02:56,405 Yes. 49 00:02:57,087 --> 00:02:59,885 Not what I'd call unbridled enthusiasm. 50 00:02:59,927 --> 00:03:02,202 Well, I'd better get back to the office. 51 00:03:02,687 --> 00:03:04,757 Have you any plans? 52 00:03:04,807 --> 00:03:06,923 Of the vague variety. 53 00:03:06,967 --> 00:03:08,764 - Something will turn up. - Course it will. 54 00:03:08,807 --> 00:03:11,879 If it doesn't, I can always go back to male modelling. 55 00:03:14,727 --> 00:03:18,083 - Good morning, Type For You. - Hello, Sandy. It's Alistair. 56 00:03:18,127 --> 00:03:20,800 - Oh, hello, Alistair. - Listen, erm... 57 00:03:20,847 --> 00:03:23,407 - Can you talk? - I just did. 58 00:03:24,407 --> 00:03:26,762 Funny, but you know where I'm coming from. 59 00:03:26,807 --> 00:03:29,367 - I'm alone, if that's what you mean. - Brilliant. 60 00:03:29,407 --> 00:03:33,366 - No, it's a simple enough deduction. - OK, OK. Look, erm... 61 00:03:33,407 --> 00:03:37,685 - Are you free for lunch? - Alistair, Judith is a friend of mine. 62 00:03:37,727 --> 00:03:40,161 I didn't mean that kind of lunch! 63 00:03:40,207 --> 00:03:43,040 I think it's time that you and I talked business, Sandy. 64 00:03:43,087 --> 00:03:45,965 I'll have a few morsels sent round to the office. One o'clock? 65 00:03:46,007 --> 00:03:47,565 Alistair, I do have a job. 66 00:03:47,607 --> 00:03:50,644 People have bad backs, Sandy, but they can get better. 67 00:03:50,687 --> 00:03:52,359 - See you at one. - I won't be there. 68 00:03:52,407 --> 00:03:55,001 Then it'll just be me and my morsels. 69 00:03:55,047 --> 00:03:56,241 Ciao. 70 00:03:59,167 --> 00:04:02,000 I've been shopping. Everything under control? 71 00:04:02,047 --> 00:04:04,607 What if I said that everything was in chaos? 72 00:04:04,647 --> 00:04:06,763 It wouldn't be, not with you here. 73 00:04:06,807 --> 00:04:09,446 No, good old Sandy. 74 00:04:09,487 --> 00:04:11,523 Come and see what I've bought. 75 00:04:16,007 --> 00:04:19,079 - What do you think? - Well, it's quieter. 76 00:04:19,127 --> 00:04:22,278 - Yes. - That's a very sensible skirt. 77 00:04:22,327 --> 00:04:25,000 Well, there is a time for flashing your knees. 78 00:04:25,047 --> 00:04:26,765 Oh, yes, definitely. 79 00:04:26,807 --> 00:04:30,117 And a time not. I mean, if I'm going to run this new branch... 80 00:04:30,167 --> 00:04:33,204 I thought that I'd try for a more sober image. 81 00:04:33,247 --> 00:04:34,646 More mature. 82 00:04:35,167 --> 00:04:38,682 - Congratulations. - Well, Mum hasn't actually said anything yet. 83 00:04:38,727 --> 00:04:41,446 But... sort of stands to reason, doesn't it? 84 00:04:41,487 --> 00:04:43,478 Yes, it sort of does, really. 85 00:04:43,527 --> 00:04:46,678 It must be nearly lunch time. Shall we pop across the road, 86 00:04:46,727 --> 00:04:49,366 be incredibly disciplined and have a salad? 87 00:04:49,407 --> 00:04:52,843 Erm, actually I'm already having lunch with someone. 88 00:04:52,887 --> 00:04:55,355 - Oh? - It's just a friend. 89 00:04:55,407 --> 00:04:57,682 Oh, right. Well, I'll see you later, then. 90 00:04:57,727 --> 00:04:59,126 Yeah. 91 00:05:04,327 --> 00:05:06,636 - More champagne. - No, thanks. 92 00:05:06,687 --> 00:05:09,440 - I've got to work this afternoon. - So have I. 93 00:05:09,487 --> 00:05:13,446 - Do you always lunch like this? - Only when I have a morsel sent in. 94 00:05:13,487 --> 00:05:15,762 I do just as well on a fry-up. 95 00:05:15,807 --> 00:05:17,763 Do what just as well? 96 00:05:18,807 --> 00:05:20,718 What I do. 97 00:05:21,927 --> 00:05:24,043 - Let's talk. - OK. 98 00:05:24,087 --> 00:05:26,726 - Would you feel more relaxed naked? - No. 99 00:05:27,647 --> 00:05:29,160 Worth a try. 100 00:05:29,207 --> 00:05:32,244 Sandy, I want you to come and work for me. 101 00:05:32,287 --> 00:05:34,596 - I see. - I need a Girl Friday. 102 00:05:34,647 --> 00:05:40,005 Oh, I hate that expression. It makes me think of coming to work in a goatskin dress. 103 00:05:40,047 --> 00:05:42,800 Lose Girl Friday, substitute personal assistant. 104 00:05:42,847 --> 00:05:45,077 Who takes her clothes off. 105 00:05:45,127 --> 00:05:48,563 Sandy, I have dreams... and I have work. 106 00:05:48,607 --> 00:05:52,600 I am talking work. You are bright. I need a bright person. 107 00:05:52,647 --> 00:05:56,686 - And you'll notice I didn't use the word girl. - You've got a nerve, you know. 108 00:05:56,727 --> 00:06:00,163 - I've worked for Jean for ages. - As a secretary, yes. 109 00:06:00,207 --> 00:06:02,801 But where do you go from there? Let's be real. 110 00:06:02,847 --> 00:06:05,407 It's obvious that Judy gets the new branch. 111 00:06:05,447 --> 00:06:09,599 - Blood is thicker than ability, and so on. - I like Jean. 112 00:06:09,647 --> 00:06:13,765 Hey, I'm crazy about the lady, but I'm talking work. I'm talking future. 113 00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:17,436 - You're serious. - As in... serious. 114 00:06:18,047 --> 00:06:20,845 - You haven't talked about money. - No. 115 00:06:20,887 --> 00:06:23,924 I never talk about money. 116 00:06:29,407 --> 00:06:31,637 You are serious! 117 00:07:01,647 --> 00:07:03,524 Oh! 118 00:07:03,567 --> 00:07:05,046 - Hello. - Hello. 119 00:07:05,087 --> 00:07:08,238 - Good day at the office? - Not particularly, no. 120 00:07:09,007 --> 00:07:12,477 - Have you been doing the ironing? - Well, idle hands and so on. 121 00:07:12,527 --> 00:07:15,883 I did a fair bit of square stuff, well, rectangular to be precise, 122 00:07:15,927 --> 00:07:20,637 and I was going to plough on, but I don't know where to start with things like this. 123 00:07:20,687 --> 00:07:23,076 You don't. You don't iron bras. 124 00:07:23,127 --> 00:07:25,277 Really? I didn't know that. 125 00:07:29,327 --> 00:07:33,206 I can't iron this like an ordinary shirt, can I? 126 00:07:33,247 --> 00:07:36,319 Oh. No, not really, no. Look, I'd pack up and have a rest. 127 00:07:36,847 --> 00:07:39,645 Perhaps you're right. It's getting too technical. 128 00:07:39,687 --> 00:07:42,042 - I'll make us a cup of tea. - No, I'll make tea. 129 00:07:42,087 --> 00:07:44,396 - I can make tea. - I know you can. 130 00:07:44,447 --> 00:07:48,326 - I don't want you to. You've done the ironing. - Not all day. 131 00:07:48,367 --> 00:07:51,677 I just don't want you to feel you've got to do things in the house. 132 00:07:51,727 --> 00:07:54,082 You frightened I'll turn into a drudge? 133 00:07:55,007 --> 00:07:58,079 Alistair says he's trying to sell the book in Holland. 134 00:07:58,127 --> 00:08:01,483 Yes, it's a shame about that. I've always liked the Dutch. 135 00:08:02,527 --> 00:08:04,597 And Scandinavia. 136 00:08:04,647 --> 00:08:08,720 I can't honestly see My Life In Kenya setting Stockholm alight. 137 00:08:08,767 --> 00:08:12,646 They may be fascinated. They're very inquisitive people, the Swedes. 138 00:08:12,687 --> 00:08:15,326 - How do you know? - Common knowledge. 139 00:08:15,367 --> 00:08:17,039 - Is it? - Yes. 140 00:08:17,087 --> 00:08:20,523 Oh, well, I'll sit back and wait for the kroner to roll in. 141 00:08:20,567 --> 00:08:22,523 And the guilders. 142 00:08:23,567 --> 00:08:25,876 Look here, should I be paying you rent? 143 00:08:25,927 --> 00:08:28,566 - Of course you shouldn't. - Well... 144 00:08:28,607 --> 00:08:30,279 I should chip in. 145 00:08:30,327 --> 00:08:32,921 You are chipping in. Look at all that ironing. 146 00:08:32,967 --> 00:08:35,959 - And you got the breakfast. - I boiled three eggs. 147 00:08:36,007 --> 00:08:37,725 Don't let's talk about money. 148 00:08:38,647 --> 00:08:41,798 - Shall I do the dinner tonight? - No, I'll do the dinner. 149 00:08:41,847 --> 00:08:44,884 - All right. - Being here, Lionel. 150 00:08:44,927 --> 00:08:46,997 That's chipping in. 151 00:08:47,047 --> 00:08:50,881 Having someone to talk to. Actually, I want to talk to you now. 152 00:08:50,927 --> 00:08:53,043 It's about Judy. 153 00:08:53,087 --> 00:08:56,238 I've been going over and over it in my mind, but... 154 00:08:56,287 --> 00:08:59,757 I don't think she's the right person to run that new branch. 155 00:08:59,807 --> 00:09:01,445 - Does she expect to? - Yes. 156 00:09:01,487 --> 00:09:02,920 Oh. 157 00:09:02,967 --> 00:09:04,719 And I've got to tell her. 158 00:09:04,767 --> 00:09:06,962 - Oh. - I can't let her go on thinking it. 159 00:09:07,007 --> 00:09:08,122 No. 160 00:09:09,207 --> 00:09:13,598 - I'm not being very constructive, am I? - There's nothing to be constructive about. 161 00:09:13,647 --> 00:09:17,401 - It's nice to have someone to talk to. - Who do you think can run the branch? 162 00:09:17,447 --> 00:09:20,564 Well, someone who I know can. Sandy. 163 00:09:20,607 --> 00:09:23,599 Hello, young lovers! 164 00:09:23,647 --> 00:09:27,276 That's her. 165 00:09:27,327 --> 00:09:30,558 - She's going upstairs. - Is that significant? 166 00:09:30,607 --> 00:09:33,440 No. But I'd just better get it over with. 167 00:09:33,487 --> 00:09:36,524 Right. Look, I'll start the dinner. 168 00:09:36,567 --> 00:09:39,479 - No, you will not. - You don't expect me to come with you? 169 00:09:39,527 --> 00:09:40,846 No, no. 170 00:09:40,887 --> 00:09:44,163 Judy! Could I talk to you for a moment? 171 00:09:46,727 --> 00:09:49,525 Custard tarts! Hee-hee! 172 00:09:54,607 --> 00:09:58,077 - May I come in? - Course you can come in. You live here. 173 00:09:58,127 --> 00:10:00,800 It's been an hour. I was sure you'd had your chat. 174 00:10:00,847 --> 00:10:02,963 Chat? 175 00:10:03,007 --> 00:10:05,726 So, I, uh... put some jacket potatoes in the oven. 176 00:10:05,767 --> 00:10:09,396 - I said I'd do dinner. - I thought jacket potatoes would be a start. 177 00:10:09,447 --> 00:10:14,441 Oh. Yes. Well, good. I'd better find something which goes with jacket potatoes. 178 00:10:14,487 --> 00:10:16,318 - I'll help you look. - No, I'm fine. 179 00:10:16,367 --> 00:10:19,040 I promise I won't cook what we find. 180 00:10:24,887 --> 00:10:27,082 - Drink? - No, thanks. 181 00:10:28,447 --> 00:10:30,244 I think I will. 182 00:10:31,567 --> 00:10:33,797 You knew about the "chat", then? 183 00:10:33,847 --> 00:10:36,645 Erm... your mother did mention it, yes. 184 00:10:36,687 --> 00:10:39,679 You did remember to prick the potatoes with a fork? 185 00:10:39,727 --> 00:10:41,604 Oh, yes. 186 00:10:48,327 --> 00:10:50,124 Well... 187 00:10:52,327 --> 00:10:54,045 Yes? 188 00:10:54,927 --> 00:10:57,282 I expect you're a bit disappointed. 189 00:10:57,327 --> 00:10:59,841 Oh, that was a stupid remark. Of course you are. 190 00:10:59,887 --> 00:11:03,323 - Your mother was very worried. - Oh, do tell. 191 00:11:03,367 --> 00:11:06,040 Actually, it was rather a brave decision to take. 192 00:11:06,087 --> 00:11:08,078 Oh. So now she's a heroine. 193 00:11:08,127 --> 00:11:10,800 I'm not putting her in the Edith Cavell class. 194 00:11:10,847 --> 00:11:13,281 - Who's Edith Cavell? - Never mind. 195 00:11:14,847 --> 00:11:18,396 - Knees and dimples. - Not Edith Cavell! 196 00:11:18,447 --> 00:11:21,803 Me. Knees and dimples. Soothing dissatisfied customers. 197 00:11:21,847 --> 00:11:24,441 Knees for the men and dimples for the women. 198 00:11:24,487 --> 00:11:29,242 "She's so sweet. She's got such an honest face. You can't stay angry with her for long. 199 00:11:29,287 --> 00:11:33,360 "She hasn't got a brain in her head but let's give the agency another chance." 200 00:11:33,407 --> 00:11:36,080 Anyway, that's the really professional me. 201 00:11:36,127 --> 00:11:37,321 The sum total. 202 00:11:37,367 --> 00:11:39,244 I'm sure Jean didn't say any of that. 203 00:11:39,287 --> 00:11:42,996 That's what she meant. "No organisational skills." She did say that. 204 00:11:43,047 --> 00:11:47,325 "A bit slapdash. Not the best timekeeper in the world," she said that. 205 00:11:47,367 --> 00:11:51,121 "You sometimes treat this job as though it's some sort of a hobby." 206 00:11:51,167 --> 00:11:53,397 - She did say that. - She was right. 207 00:11:54,327 --> 00:11:56,045 What? 208 00:11:56,087 --> 00:12:01,320 You're a sweet girl, but if you'd worked for me in Kenya, you wouldn't have lasted two weeks. 209 00:12:01,367 --> 00:12:04,040 - I never wanted to plant cocoa. - Coffee. 210 00:12:04,087 --> 00:12:05,520 Coffee, then. 211 00:12:05,567 --> 00:12:07,444 So... I'm useless. 212 00:12:07,487 --> 00:12:10,001 No. And don't say that was the inference. 213 00:12:10,047 --> 00:12:12,003 Of course you're not useless. 214 00:12:12,047 --> 00:12:15,005 But... you could be more useful. 215 00:12:15,047 --> 00:12:17,800 Nose to the grindstone, all that sort of thing. 216 00:12:17,847 --> 00:12:19,883 Yeah. All that sort of thing. 217 00:12:19,927 --> 00:12:22,600 I thought you liked me. 218 00:12:22,647 --> 00:12:26,037 You don't really expect me to fall for that one, do you? 219 00:12:26,087 --> 00:12:28,806 No. You're getting to know me too well. 220 00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:37,523 Don't... just be the boss's daughter, Judith. 221 00:12:41,807 --> 00:12:45,197 I should never have assumed that I qualified, I suppose. 222 00:12:46,447 --> 00:12:48,165 No. 223 00:12:48,207 --> 00:12:50,198 Whereas Sandy does qualify. 224 00:12:50,247 --> 00:12:51,521 Sandy? 225 00:12:51,567 --> 00:12:53,319 Yeah. 226 00:12:53,367 --> 00:12:55,676 Didn't your mother tell you? 227 00:13:07,367 --> 00:13:09,562 You shouldn't have left me in there. 228 00:13:09,607 --> 00:13:12,075 But she likes you. I thought you'd cheer her up. 229 00:13:12,127 --> 00:13:13,640 I almost did. 230 00:13:13,687 --> 00:13:16,121 - What happened? - I mentioned Sandy. 231 00:13:16,167 --> 00:13:18,317 - Oh... - I assumed you'd told her. 232 00:13:18,367 --> 00:13:20,403 I was keeping that for tomorrow. 233 00:13:22,487 --> 00:13:26,446 - I bet you wish you hadn't moved in. - I'll tell you when we've had dinner. 234 00:13:28,007 --> 00:13:31,363 - Do you want a tissue? - No, I'm all right, thank you. 235 00:13:32,167 --> 00:13:37,002 I hoped I'd never hear myself saying this but I don't understand the younger generation. 236 00:13:37,047 --> 00:13:41,245 I offer you a real chance of promotion and you act as if I've given you the sack. 237 00:13:41,287 --> 00:13:43,357 I thought you'd offer the job to Judith. 238 00:13:43,407 --> 00:13:45,523 - I didn't. - But she's your daughter. 239 00:13:45,567 --> 00:13:47,558 Which didn't make it very easy. 240 00:13:47,607 --> 00:13:52,317 Look, the job is yours by rights, Sandy. You're better at it than Judith is. 241 00:13:52,367 --> 00:13:55,120 Oh, do you think I could have that tissue now, please? 242 00:13:55,167 --> 00:13:57,442 - Is it the excitement? - No. 243 00:13:57,487 --> 00:13:59,079 - Pollen? - What? 244 00:13:59,127 --> 00:14:01,118 I've run out of ideas. 245 00:14:01,167 --> 00:14:04,239 No, it's... guilt. 246 00:14:05,367 --> 00:14:08,837 Alistair made me an offer and I said I'd think about it. 247 00:14:09,807 --> 00:14:12,116 Oh, I see. 248 00:14:12,167 --> 00:14:15,364 Was it a mafia kind of offer, the sort you can't refuse? 249 00:14:15,407 --> 00:14:17,284 It is very tempting. 250 00:14:17,327 --> 00:14:20,080 From Alistair I wouldn't have expected less. 251 00:14:20,127 --> 00:14:23,961 Do you want to stop me thinking about it by just kicking me out now? 252 00:14:24,007 --> 00:14:26,077 No, I've got my best shoes on. 253 00:14:26,127 --> 00:14:29,676 Look, it's business, Sandy. There's no need to feel guilty about it. 254 00:14:29,727 --> 00:14:32,241 But I went behind your back. 255 00:14:32,287 --> 00:14:36,041 I wanted to tell you about it but I thought you'd hit the roof. 256 00:14:37,527 --> 00:14:39,916 Look. Your career is yours. 257 00:14:39,967 --> 00:14:41,605 Your life is yours. 258 00:14:41,647 --> 00:14:45,686 If you told me that you were talking to Alistair, I'd have said... 259 00:14:45,727 --> 00:14:48,161 You're quite right, I'd probably have hit the roof. 260 00:14:49,047 --> 00:14:51,083 Makes me glad I'm unemployed. 261 00:14:51,127 --> 00:14:53,197 - You're self-employed. - Well... 262 00:14:53,247 --> 00:14:55,761 Self-employed unemployed then. 263 00:14:55,807 --> 00:14:57,798 You'll give Judith the job now? 264 00:14:57,847 --> 00:15:01,556 No. How would you like to be as good as told you're second best? 265 00:15:02,007 --> 00:15:05,966 Depends what at, really. If I was second best at knitting, I wouldn't mind. 266 00:15:06,007 --> 00:15:07,884 - You can knit? - No. 267 00:15:07,927 --> 00:15:09,519 You're just being flippant. 268 00:15:09,567 --> 00:15:11,842 Well, I was just trying to cheer you up. 269 00:15:13,727 --> 00:15:15,604 Do you like chilli? 270 00:15:15,647 --> 00:15:17,638 The food or the country? 271 00:15:17,687 --> 00:15:19,405 The food. 272 00:15:19,447 --> 00:15:22,439 I don't know. I haven't tasted it for a long time. 273 00:15:22,487 --> 00:15:24,876 Yes, I think I do. Why? 274 00:15:24,927 --> 00:15:28,715 I make a very fair chilli. I thought I might make us some for dinner tonight. 275 00:15:28,767 --> 00:15:31,600 Why have you got this fetish about cooking dinner? 276 00:15:31,647 --> 00:15:34,115 It isn't a fetish - I'm not doing much else. 277 00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:37,000 Stop being a male chauvinist and let me do chilli. 278 00:15:37,047 --> 00:15:38,924 All right. I'd like that. 279 00:15:38,967 --> 00:15:44,724 Fetish. If I had a fetish it'd be a damn sight more interesting than chilli con carne. 280 00:15:44,767 --> 00:15:46,883 What would it be? 281 00:15:46,927 --> 00:15:50,681 - Women with ice cream round their mouths. - Oh, you might have told me! 282 00:15:50,727 --> 00:15:52,604 I just did. 283 00:16:04,607 --> 00:16:06,996 Thanks... 284 00:16:07,047 --> 00:16:08,719 Sorry. 285 00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:17,720 I should have just muttered and kicked it away with my Zimmer frame. 286 00:16:19,647 --> 00:16:21,524 - Lionel? - Mm? 287 00:16:21,567 --> 00:16:25,480 You know we agreed that the idea of you running the new branch was a silly one. 288 00:16:25,527 --> 00:16:27,404 Is it so silly? 289 00:16:27,447 --> 00:16:29,563 No, it's totally absurd. 290 00:16:29,607 --> 00:16:33,805 - I admire the way you thought it through. - There's nothing to think through. 291 00:16:33,847 --> 00:16:37,556 Me, handling a lot of women? - We're not wild beasts. 292 00:16:37,607 --> 00:16:40,041 Just takes a bit of organising, that's all. 293 00:16:40,087 --> 00:16:43,397 - Get yourself a good secretary. - My stepmother, old Madge. 294 00:16:43,447 --> 00:16:45,483 She's 78, according to you, off her chump. 295 00:16:45,527 --> 00:16:49,406 And she'd fit the set-up you're proposing perfectly, wouldn't she? 296 00:16:49,447 --> 00:16:51,483 I know why you're doing this. 297 00:16:51,527 --> 00:16:54,724 - It's a "make Lionel a few bob" idea, isn't it? - No. 298 00:16:54,767 --> 00:16:57,679 - Prove it. - Well, all right, all right. 299 00:16:57,727 --> 00:17:00,400 - It would help me because... - You can't. 300 00:17:00,447 --> 00:17:02,642 Just a minute. Now, just a minute. 301 00:17:03,407 --> 00:17:09,039 It would help me because it would be nice for me to have somebody I know working with me. 302 00:17:09,087 --> 00:17:11,442 Know? We sleep together. 303 00:17:11,487 --> 00:17:13,637 - Know very well, then. - Hmph! 304 00:17:14,207 --> 00:17:16,641 Can you honestly see me working for you? 305 00:17:16,687 --> 00:17:18,359 Yes! 306 00:17:18,407 --> 00:17:21,444 - Honestly and truly? - You're stubborn. 307 00:17:23,967 --> 00:17:25,844 What was that for? 308 00:17:25,887 --> 00:17:28,959 If I were a frontiersman, you're the woman I'd like by my side. 309 00:17:29,007 --> 00:17:31,316 You're not becoming a frontiersman? 310 00:17:31,367 --> 00:17:33,597 - Not immediately, no. - Oh! 311 00:17:35,807 --> 00:17:37,843 - What was that for? - You didn't explain, so... 312 00:17:37,887 --> 00:17:40,117 Oh! 313 00:17:40,167 --> 00:17:41,998 Sorry. 314 00:17:42,047 --> 00:17:44,242 What am I apologising for? 315 00:17:44,287 --> 00:17:46,596 Stupid young fools! 316 00:17:49,687 --> 00:17:52,759 Make yourself at home. Alistair will be with you in a minute. 317 00:17:52,807 --> 00:17:54,798 Thank you. 318 00:18:08,607 --> 00:18:11,280 My God, you look fantastic! 319 00:18:11,327 --> 00:18:14,558 - What are you doing? - Telling you you look fantastic. 320 00:18:14,607 --> 00:18:17,883 - Why are you dressed like that? - I've just had a sauna. 321 00:18:17,927 --> 00:18:20,122 - In the office? - Yes. 322 00:18:20,167 --> 00:18:22,681 Hey, if you ever fancy one, just drop by. 323 00:18:22,727 --> 00:18:25,958 Would you like some carrot juice? Chinese gooseberry? 324 00:18:26,007 --> 00:18:29,477 I didn't come for carrot juice or Chinese gooseberries 325 00:18:29,527 --> 00:18:31,802 and I didn't come here for a sauna. 326 00:18:31,847 --> 00:18:34,281 I came here to tell you that you are a toad. 327 00:18:36,207 --> 00:18:37,765 Here. 328 00:18:37,807 --> 00:18:39,684 - What are they? - You're stressed. 329 00:18:39,727 --> 00:18:41,046 I am not stressed. 330 00:18:41,087 --> 00:18:43,806 - Then why call me a toad? - Poaching my secretary. 331 00:18:43,847 --> 00:18:45,758 Ah, this is true. 332 00:18:45,807 --> 00:18:48,844 - I thought we were meant to be friends. - We still are. 333 00:18:48,887 --> 00:18:52,880 When I think we could have been something more... Woof! You still excite me. 334 00:18:52,927 --> 00:18:55,760 Oh, please, Alistair, please. Stop all that. 335 00:18:56,527 --> 00:18:58,518 I think you owe me an explanation. 336 00:18:58,567 --> 00:19:01,559 - Sandy is a diamond. - That's it? 337 00:19:01,607 --> 00:19:03,996 What would you do if she worked for me? 338 00:19:04,047 --> 00:19:05,958 I'd think you were very lucky. 339 00:19:06,007 --> 00:19:08,567 - And? - That's it. That's all. 340 00:19:10,527 --> 00:19:13,803 - We are talking business. - I know we're talking business. 341 00:19:13,847 --> 00:19:16,315 - You do look fantastic though. - That isn't business. 342 00:19:16,367 --> 00:19:18,722 OK, listen. 343 00:19:20,807 --> 00:19:24,197 If she worked for me and you got the impression she wasn't happy, 344 00:19:24,247 --> 00:19:28,957 are you telling me you wouldn't make the slightest noises towards her? 345 00:19:29,007 --> 00:19:30,486 I might. 346 00:19:30,527 --> 00:19:33,280 That's all I did. She thought Judy would get the new job. 347 00:19:33,327 --> 00:19:35,636 I know, but I want Sandy to have it. 348 00:19:35,687 --> 00:19:40,078 But I have to be honest. I mean, I can't compete with a sauna in the office. 349 00:19:40,127 --> 00:19:42,163 OK. 350 00:19:42,207 --> 00:19:44,163 We leave it to Sandy. 351 00:19:44,207 --> 00:19:48,325 We'll just sit back... and I'll increase my offer. 352 00:19:48,367 --> 00:19:51,404 - If you do, I'll turn on the tears. - Fair enough. 353 00:19:51,447 --> 00:19:53,677 - You do look fantastic. - Alistair... 354 00:19:53,727 --> 00:19:56,241 Life with Lionel obviously suits you. 355 00:19:58,167 --> 00:19:59,441 Ah. 356 00:19:59,487 --> 00:20:02,843 - Probs? - Well, the book's not selling, is it? 357 00:20:02,887 --> 00:20:07,119 - The truth. - On a scale of one to ten... no. 358 00:20:08,167 --> 00:20:11,557 And the lecture tours are conspicuous by their absence. 359 00:20:11,607 --> 00:20:14,041 He keeps wanting to cook dinner. 360 00:20:14,087 --> 00:20:16,476 I don't want him to feel... 361 00:20:16,527 --> 00:20:18,722 I don't want him to feel less. 362 00:20:18,767 --> 00:20:21,804 - He's a weird guy, Lionel. - No, he's not. 363 00:20:21,847 --> 00:20:23,963 He can be a bit odd, but he's not weird. 364 00:20:24,007 --> 00:20:26,680 Why else would he turn down a bunch of dollars? 365 00:20:26,727 --> 00:20:28,763 - He wouldn't. - He has. 366 00:20:28,807 --> 00:20:31,321 - When? - A couple of weeks ago. 367 00:20:31,367 --> 00:20:35,679 It's there to be written. Your story. Your young story. 368 00:20:35,727 --> 00:20:39,436 It grabs me by the throat and yells "miniseries". 369 00:20:39,487 --> 00:20:42,320 - You're off your trolley. - I have a sauna in the office. 370 00:20:42,367 --> 00:20:44,756 Who'd be interested in a soppy story like that? 371 00:20:44,807 --> 00:20:46,798 Only the world. I'm serious. 372 00:20:46,847 --> 00:20:49,520 I offered to talk to America. Do you know what Lionel said? 373 00:20:49,567 --> 00:20:52,843 I don't know. Something like, "How nice for America." 374 00:20:53,287 --> 00:20:55,926 - Oh! - Exactly like. 375 00:20:55,967 --> 00:20:59,482 You know there are private people and there are private people 376 00:20:59,527 --> 00:21:01,404 and then there's Lionel. 377 00:21:01,447 --> 00:21:04,996 - It's not just his story. - You could be Julia Roberts. 378 00:21:05,047 --> 00:21:08,244 Oh, no! She's very nice but 18 she's not. 379 00:21:08,287 --> 00:21:10,926 - Did you look 18 when you were 18? - I must have done. 380 00:21:10,967 --> 00:21:14,403 - Perhaps a young Jodie Foster. - Perhaps we're getting ahead of ourselves. 381 00:21:14,447 --> 00:21:16,199 - Only way to go. - Not for me. 382 00:21:16,967 --> 00:21:18,958 And certainly not for Lionel. 383 00:21:19,007 --> 00:21:21,157 Let's get back to square one. 384 00:21:21,207 --> 00:21:23,482 How much of a reality is all this? 385 00:21:23,527 --> 00:21:26,917 - I am here to tell you... - On a scale of one to ten. 386 00:21:26,967 --> 00:21:28,719 Maybe three. 387 00:21:28,767 --> 00:21:31,076 But it's better than cooking dinner. 388 00:21:31,927 --> 00:21:33,565 - Let's talk. - In the sauna? 389 00:21:33,607 --> 00:21:36,075 No, let's talk. 390 00:21:36,407 --> 00:21:38,523 Alistair, you're not a toad. 391 00:21:41,687 --> 00:21:44,360 My chilli's coming along very nicely. 392 00:21:44,407 --> 00:21:46,875 - You did soak the kidney beans? - Of course. 393 00:21:46,927 --> 00:21:48,963 I'm only asking! 394 00:21:49,007 --> 00:21:51,123 You get a bit touchy when you cook. 395 00:21:51,167 --> 00:21:53,442 Only when it's faintly ambitious. 396 00:21:53,487 --> 00:21:56,797 When I boil an egg, I'm positively cavalier. 397 00:21:56,847 --> 00:21:58,838 I saw Alistair today. 398 00:21:58,887 --> 00:22:01,321 I tore him off a strip for trying to poach Sandy. 399 00:22:01,367 --> 00:22:04,564 - I assume he was very contrite. - Almost grovellingly. 400 00:22:04,607 --> 00:22:07,485 You never told me he was asking you to write something else. 401 00:22:07,527 --> 00:22:09,165 - Us. - Yes. 402 00:22:09,207 --> 00:22:11,198 I'd sooner walk naked down Oxford Street. 403 00:22:11,247 --> 00:22:12,965 Oh! 404 00:22:13,007 --> 00:22:16,363 - That'll be Judy. If there's a row... - I'll be in the kitchen. 405 00:22:16,407 --> 00:22:19,046 - Hello. - Hello. 406 00:22:19,087 --> 00:22:20,645 Hello. 407 00:22:20,687 --> 00:22:23,326 - We've had a chat. - Yes? 408 00:22:24,287 --> 00:22:26,562 - I'm sorry, Mum. - Oh. 409 00:22:28,407 --> 00:22:30,363 As for you... 410 00:22:31,287 --> 00:22:33,005 Oh, thank you. 411 00:22:33,047 --> 00:22:36,517 I should never have thought I was up for the job in the first place. 412 00:22:36,567 --> 00:22:39,877 Maybe the next branch. That's it. That's me, really. 413 00:22:40,487 --> 00:22:43,047 And, erm... I've said no to Alistair. 414 00:22:43,087 --> 00:22:47,046 And I don't want to run the new branch either. But it was nice to be appreciated. 415 00:22:47,087 --> 00:22:48,725 Thank you. 416 00:22:48,767 --> 00:22:50,519 Well, that's me, really. 417 00:22:50,567 --> 00:22:54,037 - Whatever happened to ambition? - Well, that can wait a bit. 418 00:22:54,087 --> 00:22:57,477 - I don't know why I bother with you two. - Because we're so lovable. 419 00:22:57,527 --> 00:22:59,995 - Cheerio, we're off to eat. - Have a nice time. 420 00:23:00,047 --> 00:23:02,880 - Thanks for being so loyal, Sandy. - That's all right. 421 00:23:02,927 --> 00:23:05,760 I, er... thought we might talk about a raise tomorrow. 422 00:23:07,087 --> 00:23:09,157 For both of us. 423 00:23:10,487 --> 00:23:13,160 Women! 424 00:23:14,607 --> 00:23:16,404 Ready to eat? 425 00:23:18,167 --> 00:23:19,759 Oh... 426 00:23:21,767 --> 00:23:24,076 - You're quite pink. - Oh... 427 00:23:24,127 --> 00:23:26,038 It's very nice, it's just... 428 00:23:26,847 --> 00:23:29,202 It's just a bit on the hot side. 429 00:23:29,247 --> 00:23:31,761 I'm used to making it the way I like it. 430 00:23:31,807 --> 00:23:34,958 - I'll tone it down a bit next time. - Just a bit, yes. 431 00:23:35,007 --> 00:23:38,397 No, no, sit for a bit. Have some more wine. 432 00:23:40,127 --> 00:23:43,676 - You? - Oh, no. No. I'll stick to the water. 433 00:23:46,167 --> 00:23:48,158 About Alistair. 434 00:23:48,207 --> 00:23:50,641 I make quite a fair spotted dick, you know. 435 00:23:50,687 --> 00:23:52,325 Oh, good. 436 00:23:52,367 --> 00:23:56,042 - About Alistair. - My stew's not to be sneezed at either. 437 00:23:56,087 --> 00:23:58,282 - About Alistair. - Pie in the sky. 438 00:23:58,327 --> 00:24:01,763 Are we still on the cooking or have we finally got to Alistair? 439 00:24:01,807 --> 00:24:04,116 Alistair. It's all pie in the sky. 440 00:24:04,167 --> 00:24:07,796 Be honest. You read the book. I should have sold it as a sleeping pill. 441 00:24:07,847 --> 00:24:11,237 He's not talking about a book. He's talking about a miniseries. 442 00:24:11,287 --> 00:24:13,721 What, written for tiny little people? 443 00:24:14,007 --> 00:24:16,396 I'm gonna empty the rest of this chilli over you. 444 00:24:16,447 --> 00:24:19,519 - I can't write a miniseries. - You don't know that yet. 445 00:24:19,567 --> 00:24:22,764 Just a few hours about you and I when we were young. 446 00:24:22,807 --> 00:24:25,844 Scene one. Lionel the Viking leaps from his longship. 447 00:24:27,367 --> 00:24:29,961 It's all history. We're not relevant. 448 00:24:30,007 --> 00:24:32,396 Of course we're relevant. We're here. 449 00:24:32,447 --> 00:24:36,486 Of course we're relevant. History as you call it can make very good television. 450 00:24:36,527 --> 00:24:41,999 Look at that thing we watched the other night about the '50s with that actor... that... actor in it. 451 00:24:42,047 --> 00:24:44,845 - Well, it was very good. - You fell asleep. 452 00:24:44,887 --> 00:24:47,526 Yes, well, the bits I saw were very good. I mean... 453 00:24:47,567 --> 00:24:49,842 - Period pieces. - Us? 454 00:24:49,887 --> 00:24:52,276 That's what they're called. They're popular. 455 00:24:52,327 --> 00:24:56,115 If Alistair thinks they can work then why not? 456 00:24:56,167 --> 00:24:59,682 Would you allow cameras in the bedroom when we were in bed? 457 00:24:59,727 --> 00:25:02,321 - No. Don't be so silly. - That's the equivalent. 458 00:25:02,367 --> 00:25:05,518 - But Lionel, nobody wants us in it. - Well... 459 00:25:05,567 --> 00:25:09,242 It's still pie in the sky and Alistair knows it. I can't write fiction. 460 00:25:09,287 --> 00:25:12,484 But you don't know that yet. It's not fiction. It all happened. 461 00:25:12,527 --> 00:25:15,599 It's our business and nobody else's. 462 00:25:16,447 --> 00:25:18,517 I'm going to clear away. 463 00:25:18,567 --> 00:25:21,365 I know why that mule kicked you in Korea. 464 00:25:21,407 --> 00:25:25,446 - It thought you were another mule. - Shall I save this for tomorrow? 465 00:25:25,487 --> 00:25:29,036 I don't think my temperature will have returned to normal by then. 466 00:25:29,087 --> 00:25:31,999 - I'll have it for lunch. - Look, it's just a story. 467 00:25:32,047 --> 00:25:36,279 It hardly comes under the heading of a startling revelation in a Sunday newspaper. 468 00:25:36,327 --> 00:25:40,115 - We'd give away something of ourselves. - Nobody'll know it's us. 469 00:25:40,167 --> 00:25:42,761 With Alistair involved, don't you bet on it. 470 00:25:42,807 --> 00:25:46,038 He'd probably run guided tours past the house. 471 00:25:46,087 --> 00:25:50,524 "If you look out the left-hand side of the bus, you may just catch the original relics." 472 00:25:50,567 --> 00:25:53,365 Your argument's getting wilder by the minute. 473 00:25:53,407 --> 00:25:56,399 I can't see why you're so keen on this. 474 00:25:56,447 --> 00:25:58,642 For you. 475 00:25:58,687 --> 00:26:04,205 You ought to be doing something, not loading dishwashers and wondering how to iron bras. 476 00:26:04,247 --> 00:26:08,923 It's not the money. I don't care if you never earn another penny for the rest of your life. 477 00:26:08,967 --> 00:26:10,639 But you do. 478 00:26:10,687 --> 00:26:12,325 It's pride. 479 00:26:12,367 --> 00:26:14,562 I want you to be proud. 480 00:26:14,607 --> 00:26:16,837 And I want to be proud because you're proud. 481 00:26:18,127 --> 00:26:20,038 Now, scene one. 482 00:26:20,687 --> 00:26:25,283 A handsome young 2nd lieutenant in the Middlesex regiment strides through Hyde Park. 483 00:26:25,327 --> 00:26:27,761 I was strolling, and I draw the line at handsome. 484 00:26:27,807 --> 00:26:30,560 Well, strolling, then. He sees a young nurse. 485 00:26:30,607 --> 00:26:32,325 Now, what then? 486 00:26:32,367 --> 00:26:35,359 The most original chat-up line he can think of is... 487 00:26:35,407 --> 00:26:39,241 - "Could you tell me the way to Curzon Street?" - Yes. Well, ignore that. 488 00:26:39,287 --> 00:26:41,482 What did this young officer feel? 489 00:26:42,527 --> 00:26:44,358 A total fool in retrospect. 490 00:26:44,407 --> 00:26:46,967 I'm not talking about "in retrospect". 491 00:26:47,007 --> 00:26:49,202 What did he feel then? 492 00:26:50,247 --> 00:26:52,078 I saw you... 493 00:26:52,847 --> 00:26:54,724 and I stopped breathing. 494 00:26:54,767 --> 00:26:56,803 I really did. 495 00:26:56,847 --> 00:26:58,405 Did you? 496 00:26:58,447 --> 00:27:01,598 I started again, obviously, or I'd have died, but... 497 00:27:01,647 --> 00:27:04,320 for that moment, there was nobody in that park. 498 00:27:04,367 --> 00:27:06,756 Nothing else in the park, just you. 499 00:27:07,807 --> 00:27:10,002 Shall we have an early night tonight? 500 00:27:10,847 --> 00:27:13,315 - Good idea. - It's a beautiful thing to say. 501 00:27:14,727 --> 00:27:17,321 - I couldn't write it. - You just did. 502 00:27:17,927 --> 00:27:21,124 - What about sex scenes? - We had plenty of those, didn't we? 503 00:27:21,167 --> 00:27:25,399 - Us, on a television screen. - Lionel! You will not get into your head... 504 00:27:25,447 --> 00:27:28,883 It wouldn't be us, it would be two other people. It could be lovely. 505 00:27:28,927 --> 00:27:31,646 You're getting carried away. You know Alistair. 506 00:27:31,687 --> 00:27:34,759 Today's hot idea is tomorrow's cold potato. 507 00:27:34,807 --> 00:27:37,958 Pie in the sky, that's all it is. 508 00:27:40,887 --> 00:27:42,445 - Hello. - Hi, lovely lady. 509 00:27:42,487 --> 00:27:47,003 Oh, hello... Where? 510 00:27:47,047 --> 00:27:49,322 Oh, of course you must. 511 00:27:49,367 --> 00:27:50,959 Yes, I'll tell him. 512 00:27:51,007 --> 00:27:54,124 - Ciao, lovely lady. - Bon voyage. 513 00:27:55,527 --> 00:27:58,724 That was Alistair, phoning from Heathrow. 514 00:27:59,327 --> 00:28:01,602 He's flying out. 515 00:28:01,647 --> 00:28:03,842 He's going to talk to America. 516 00:28:12,607 --> 00:28:15,405 # You must remember this 517 00:28:15,447 --> 00:28:18,007 # A kiss is still a kiss 518 00:28:18,047 --> 00:28:21,437 # A sigh is just a sigh 519 00:28:23,407 --> 00:28:27,161 # The fundamental things apply 520 00:28:27,207 --> 00:28:30,961 # As time goes by 521 00:28:34,207 --> 00:28:36,960 # And when two lovers woo 522 00:28:37,007 --> 00:28:39,760 # They still say I love you 523 00:28:39,807 --> 00:28:42,719 # On that you can rely 524 00:28:45,327 --> 00:28:49,684 # The world will always welcome lovers 525 00:28:50,967 --> 00:28:58,760 # As time goes by # 526 00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:09,760 Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org 42626

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