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# You must remember this
2
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# A kiss is still a kiss
3
00:00:15,047 --> 00:00:17,845
# A sigh is just a sigh
4
00:00:20,527 --> 00:00:24,202
# The fundamental things apply
5
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# As time goes by #
6
00:00:32,807 --> 00:00:35,719
- So what do you think?
- It's very nice.
7
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- No, what do you think of the logo?
- Very nice.
8
00:00:39,127 --> 00:00:41,516
I want an honest opinion.
9
00:00:41,567 --> 00:00:46,038
- It's a bit like Superman 2, isn't it?
- The 2 is because it's a second branch.
10
00:00:46,087 --> 00:00:48,476
Yes, I'd worked that out.
11
00:00:48,527 --> 00:00:50,722
You don't like it, do you?
12
00:00:50,767 --> 00:00:53,839
To tell you the truth,
it's a bit pretentious for my taste.
13
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:57,357
- You think I'm pretentious?
- I wasn't talking about you. That.
14
00:00:57,407 --> 00:01:01,195
Well, as I thought it up,
the implication's obvious.
15
00:01:01,247 --> 00:01:03,807
- Iron drawers.
- What?
16
00:01:03,847 --> 00:01:08,045
Sandy said that's what the girls in the office
used to call you. I can see why.
17
00:01:08,087 --> 00:01:11,477
I want you to be pleased.
I've worked so hard for the second branch.
18
00:01:11,527 --> 00:01:14,166
I am pleased. I just don't like the name.
19
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- Would you like to see inside?
- Mm, rather.
20
00:01:16,967 --> 00:01:19,401
Are you being sarcastic? Sorry.
21
00:01:19,447 --> 00:01:21,642
Shouldn't you wear a hat and cut a tape?
22
00:01:21,687 --> 00:01:24,440
Ha. I'll do that when it opens.
23
00:01:27,247 --> 00:01:29,522
Oh, thank you very much.
24
00:01:33,007 --> 00:01:35,237
They're rather fun, these.
25
00:01:36,447 --> 00:01:39,962
Oh, yes. The girls and I
play on them all the time.
26
00:01:40,607 --> 00:01:43,599
Do you really think this logo's pretentious?
27
00:01:43,647 --> 00:01:47,242
- Look, what weight does my opinion carry?
- We are living together.
28
00:01:47,287 --> 00:01:50,597
My opinion carries no weight
in a business sense.
29
00:01:50,647 --> 00:01:53,605
What do I know? I'm hardly a tycoon, am I?
30
00:01:54,807 --> 00:01:58,925
- What, still nothing on the lecture front?
- No, they seem to have dried up.
31
00:01:58,967 --> 00:02:03,085
I suppose me chuntering on about my life in
Kenya always did have a boredom threshold.
32
00:02:03,127 --> 00:02:06,961
Well, there's always the book.
They can suddenly take off, books.
33
00:02:07,007 --> 00:02:11,319
The only way this one will take off
is if someone reads it on a plane.
34
00:02:11,367 --> 00:02:15,519
You're not talking like a man who once played
rugby against a parachute regiment.
35
00:02:15,567 --> 00:02:17,842
I was young. All I had to do
was get bashed about.
36
00:02:17,887 --> 00:02:21,277
How did we get talking about me?
You're the man of the moment.
37
00:02:21,327 --> 00:02:24,239
Oh, I bet Richard Branson
is shaking in his shoes.
38
00:02:24,287 --> 00:02:26,278
Actually, I do have a problem.
39
00:02:26,327 --> 00:02:28,682
I need somebody
to run this new branch.
40
00:02:28,727 --> 00:02:31,241
- If that's an offer...
- No, it isn't.
41
00:02:31,287 --> 00:02:34,404
You're a dear man, Lionel...
Well, you can be a dear man.
42
00:02:34,447 --> 00:02:38,759
But the thought of you running
a secretarial agency... Get off! Get off!
43
00:02:38,807 --> 00:02:41,082
Get off!
44
00:02:41,127 --> 00:02:44,483
- I don't have to go on, do I?
- Absolutely not.
45
00:02:44,527 --> 00:02:47,963
- Talk of a bull in a china shop.
- We agreed you didn't have to go on.
46
00:02:48,007 --> 00:02:49,565
Sorry.
47
00:02:50,447 --> 00:02:53,120
I'd have thought Judith was the obvious choice.
48
00:02:54,687 --> 00:02:56,405
Yes.
49
00:02:57,087 --> 00:02:59,885
Not what I'd call unbridled enthusiasm.
50
00:02:59,927 --> 00:03:02,202
Well, I'd better get back to the office.
51
00:03:02,687 --> 00:03:04,757
Have you any plans?
52
00:03:04,807 --> 00:03:06,923
Of the vague variety.
53
00:03:06,967 --> 00:03:08,764
- Something will turn up.
- Course it will.
54
00:03:08,807 --> 00:03:11,879
If it doesn't, I can always go back
to male modelling.
55
00:03:14,727 --> 00:03:18,083
- Good morning, Type For You.
- Hello, Sandy. It's Alistair.
56
00:03:18,127 --> 00:03:20,800
- Oh, hello, Alistair.
- Listen, erm...
57
00:03:20,847 --> 00:03:23,407
- Can you talk?
- I just did.
58
00:03:24,407 --> 00:03:26,762
Funny, but you know where I'm coming from.
59
00:03:26,807 --> 00:03:29,367
- I'm alone, if that's what you mean.
- Brilliant.
60
00:03:29,407 --> 00:03:33,366
- No, it's a simple enough deduction.
- OK, OK. Look, erm...
61
00:03:33,407 --> 00:03:37,685
- Are you free for lunch?
- Alistair, Judith is a friend of mine.
62
00:03:37,727 --> 00:03:40,161
I didn't mean that kind of lunch!
63
00:03:40,207 --> 00:03:43,040
I think it's time that you and I
talked business, Sandy.
64
00:03:43,087 --> 00:03:45,965
I'll have a few morsels sent round to the office.
One o'clock?
65
00:03:46,007 --> 00:03:47,565
Alistair, I do have a job.
66
00:03:47,607 --> 00:03:50,644
People have bad backs, Sandy,
but they can get better.
67
00:03:50,687 --> 00:03:52,359
- See you at one.
- I won't be there.
68
00:03:52,407 --> 00:03:55,001
Then it'll just be me and my morsels.
69
00:03:55,047 --> 00:03:56,241
Ciao.
70
00:03:59,167 --> 00:04:02,000
I've been shopping. Everything under control?
71
00:04:02,047 --> 00:04:04,607
What if I said
that everything was in chaos?
72
00:04:04,647 --> 00:04:06,763
It wouldn't be, not with you here.
73
00:04:06,807 --> 00:04:09,446
No, good old Sandy.
74
00:04:09,487 --> 00:04:11,523
Come and see what I've bought.
75
00:04:16,007 --> 00:04:19,079
- What do you think?
- Well, it's quieter.
76
00:04:19,127 --> 00:04:22,278
- Yes.
- That's a very sensible skirt.
77
00:04:22,327 --> 00:04:25,000
Well, there is a time for flashing your knees.
78
00:04:25,047 --> 00:04:26,765
Oh, yes, definitely.
79
00:04:26,807 --> 00:04:30,117
And a time not.
I mean, if I'm going to run this new branch...
80
00:04:30,167 --> 00:04:33,204
I thought that I'd try for a more sober image.
81
00:04:33,247 --> 00:04:34,646
More mature.
82
00:04:35,167 --> 00:04:38,682
- Congratulations.
- Well, Mum hasn't actually said anything yet.
83
00:04:38,727 --> 00:04:41,446
But... sort of stands to reason, doesn't it?
84
00:04:41,487 --> 00:04:43,478
Yes, it sort of does, really.
85
00:04:43,527 --> 00:04:46,678
It must be nearly lunch time.
Shall we pop across the road,
86
00:04:46,727 --> 00:04:49,366
be incredibly disciplined and have a salad?
87
00:04:49,407 --> 00:04:52,843
Erm, actually I'm already having lunch
with someone.
88
00:04:52,887 --> 00:04:55,355
- Oh?
- It's just a friend.
89
00:04:55,407 --> 00:04:57,682
Oh, right. Well, I'll see you later, then.
90
00:04:57,727 --> 00:04:59,126
Yeah.
91
00:05:04,327 --> 00:05:06,636
- More champagne.
- No, thanks.
92
00:05:06,687 --> 00:05:09,440
- I've got to work this afternoon.
- So have I.
93
00:05:09,487 --> 00:05:13,446
- Do you always lunch like this?
- Only when I have a morsel sent in.
94
00:05:13,487 --> 00:05:15,762
I do just as well on a fry-up.
95
00:05:15,807 --> 00:05:17,763
Do what just as well?
96
00:05:18,807 --> 00:05:20,718
What I do.
97
00:05:21,927 --> 00:05:24,043
- Let's talk.
- OK.
98
00:05:24,087 --> 00:05:26,726
- Would you feel more relaxed naked?
- No.
99
00:05:27,647 --> 00:05:29,160
Worth a try.
100
00:05:29,207 --> 00:05:32,244
Sandy, I want you to come and work for me.
101
00:05:32,287 --> 00:05:34,596
- I see.
- I need a Girl Friday.
102
00:05:34,647 --> 00:05:40,005
Oh, I hate that expression. It makes me think
of coming to work in a goatskin dress.
103
00:05:40,047 --> 00:05:42,800
Lose Girl Friday, substitute personal assistant.
104
00:05:42,847 --> 00:05:45,077
Who takes her clothes off.
105
00:05:45,127 --> 00:05:48,563
Sandy, I have dreams... and I have work.
106
00:05:48,607 --> 00:05:52,600
I am talking work.
You are bright. I need a bright person.
107
00:05:52,647 --> 00:05:56,686
- And you'll notice I didn't use the word girl.
- You've got a nerve, you know.
108
00:05:56,727 --> 00:06:00,163
- I've worked for Jean for ages.
- As a secretary, yes.
109
00:06:00,207 --> 00:06:02,801
But where do you go from there?
Let's be real.
110
00:06:02,847 --> 00:06:05,407
It's obvious that Judy gets the new branch.
111
00:06:05,447 --> 00:06:09,599
- Blood is thicker than ability, and so on.
- I like Jean.
112
00:06:09,647 --> 00:06:13,765
Hey, I'm crazy about the lady,
but I'm talking work. I'm talking future.
113
00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:17,436
- You're serious.
- As in... serious.
114
00:06:18,047 --> 00:06:20,845
- You haven't talked about money.
- No.
115
00:06:20,887 --> 00:06:23,924
I never talk about money.
116
00:06:29,407 --> 00:06:31,637
You are serious!
117
00:07:01,647 --> 00:07:03,524
Oh!
118
00:07:03,567 --> 00:07:05,046
- Hello.
- Hello.
119
00:07:05,087 --> 00:07:08,238
- Good day at the office?
- Not particularly, no.
120
00:07:09,007 --> 00:07:12,477
- Have you been doing the ironing?
- Well, idle hands and so on.
121
00:07:12,527 --> 00:07:15,883
I did a fair bit of square stuff,
well, rectangular to be precise,
122
00:07:15,927 --> 00:07:20,637
and I was going to plough on, but
I don't know where to start with things like this.
123
00:07:20,687 --> 00:07:23,076
You don't. You don't iron bras.
124
00:07:23,127 --> 00:07:25,277
Really? I didn't know that.
125
00:07:29,327 --> 00:07:33,206
I can't iron this like an ordinary shirt, can I?
126
00:07:33,247 --> 00:07:36,319
Oh. No, not really, no.
Look, I'd pack up and have a rest.
127
00:07:36,847 --> 00:07:39,645
Perhaps you're right.
It's getting too technical.
128
00:07:39,687 --> 00:07:42,042
- I'll make us a cup of tea.
- No, I'll make tea.
129
00:07:42,087 --> 00:07:44,396
- I can make tea.
- I know you can.
130
00:07:44,447 --> 00:07:48,326
- I don't want you to. You've done the ironing.
- Not all day.
131
00:07:48,367 --> 00:07:51,677
I just don't want you to feel
you've got to do things in the house.
132
00:07:51,727 --> 00:07:54,082
You frightened I'll turn into a drudge?
133
00:07:55,007 --> 00:07:58,079
Alistair says he's trying to
sell the book in Holland.
134
00:07:58,127 --> 00:08:01,483
Yes, it's a shame about that.
I've always liked the Dutch.
135
00:08:02,527 --> 00:08:04,597
And Scandinavia.
136
00:08:04,647 --> 00:08:08,720
I can't honestly see My Life In Kenya
setting Stockholm alight.
137
00:08:08,767 --> 00:08:12,646
They may be fascinated.
They're very inquisitive people, the Swedes.
138
00:08:12,687 --> 00:08:15,326
- How do you know?
- Common knowledge.
139
00:08:15,367 --> 00:08:17,039
- Is it?
- Yes.
140
00:08:17,087 --> 00:08:20,523
Oh, well, I'll sit back and wait
for the kroner to roll in.
141
00:08:20,567 --> 00:08:22,523
And the guilders.
142
00:08:23,567 --> 00:08:25,876
Look here, should I be paying you rent?
143
00:08:25,927 --> 00:08:28,566
- Of course you shouldn't.
- Well...
144
00:08:28,607 --> 00:08:30,279
I should chip in.
145
00:08:30,327 --> 00:08:32,921
You are chipping in. Look at all that ironing.
146
00:08:32,967 --> 00:08:35,959
- And you got the breakfast.
- I boiled three eggs.
147
00:08:36,007 --> 00:08:37,725
Don't let's talk about money.
148
00:08:38,647 --> 00:08:41,798
- Shall I do the dinner tonight?
- No, I'll do the dinner.
149
00:08:41,847 --> 00:08:44,884
- All right.
- Being here, Lionel.
150
00:08:44,927 --> 00:08:46,997
That's chipping in.
151
00:08:47,047 --> 00:08:50,881
Having someone to talk to.
Actually, I want to talk to you now.
152
00:08:50,927 --> 00:08:53,043
It's about Judy.
153
00:08:53,087 --> 00:08:56,238
I've been going over and over it
in my mind, but...
154
00:08:56,287 --> 00:08:59,757
I don't think she's the right person
to run that new branch.
155
00:08:59,807 --> 00:09:01,445
- Does she expect to?
- Yes.
156
00:09:01,487 --> 00:09:02,920
Oh.
157
00:09:02,967 --> 00:09:04,719
And I've got to tell her.
158
00:09:04,767 --> 00:09:06,962
- Oh.
- I can't let her go on thinking it.
159
00:09:07,007 --> 00:09:08,122
No.
160
00:09:09,207 --> 00:09:13,598
- I'm not being very constructive, am I?
- There's nothing to be constructive about.
161
00:09:13,647 --> 00:09:17,401
- It's nice to have someone to talk to.
- Who do you think can run the branch?
162
00:09:17,447 --> 00:09:20,564
Well, someone who I know can. Sandy.
163
00:09:20,607 --> 00:09:23,599
Hello, young lovers!
164
00:09:23,647 --> 00:09:27,276
That's her.
165
00:09:27,327 --> 00:09:30,558
- She's going upstairs.
- Is that significant?
166
00:09:30,607 --> 00:09:33,440
No. But I'd just better get it over with.
167
00:09:33,487 --> 00:09:36,524
Right. Look, I'll start the dinner.
168
00:09:36,567 --> 00:09:39,479
- No, you will not.
- You don't expect me to come with you?
169
00:09:39,527 --> 00:09:40,846
No, no.
170
00:09:40,887 --> 00:09:44,163
Judy! Could I talk to you for a moment?
171
00:09:46,727 --> 00:09:49,525
Custard tarts! Hee-hee!
172
00:09:54,607 --> 00:09:58,077
- May I come in?
- Course you can come in. You live here.
173
00:09:58,127 --> 00:10:00,800
It's been an hour.
I was sure you'd had your chat.
174
00:10:00,847 --> 00:10:02,963
Chat?
175
00:10:03,007 --> 00:10:05,726
So, I, uh... put some jacket potatoes
in the oven.
176
00:10:05,767 --> 00:10:09,396
- I said I'd do dinner.
- I thought jacket potatoes would be a start.
177
00:10:09,447 --> 00:10:14,441
Oh. Yes. Well, good. I'd better find something
which goes with jacket potatoes.
178
00:10:14,487 --> 00:10:16,318
- I'll help you look.
- No, I'm fine.
179
00:10:16,367 --> 00:10:19,040
I promise I won't cook what we find.
180
00:10:24,887 --> 00:10:27,082
- Drink?
- No, thanks.
181
00:10:28,447 --> 00:10:30,244
I think I will.
182
00:10:31,567 --> 00:10:33,797
You knew about the "chat", then?
183
00:10:33,847 --> 00:10:36,645
Erm... your mother did mention it, yes.
184
00:10:36,687 --> 00:10:39,679
You did remember to prick the potatoes
with a fork?
185
00:10:39,727 --> 00:10:41,604
Oh, yes.
186
00:10:48,327 --> 00:10:50,124
Well...
187
00:10:52,327 --> 00:10:54,045
Yes?
188
00:10:54,927 --> 00:10:57,282
I expect you're a bit disappointed.
189
00:10:57,327 --> 00:10:59,841
Oh, that was a stupid remark.
Of course you are.
190
00:10:59,887 --> 00:11:03,323
- Your mother was very worried.
- Oh, do tell.
191
00:11:03,367 --> 00:11:06,040
Actually, it was rather
a brave decision to take.
192
00:11:06,087 --> 00:11:08,078
Oh. So now she's a heroine.
193
00:11:08,127 --> 00:11:10,800
I'm not putting her in the Edith Cavell class.
194
00:11:10,847 --> 00:11:13,281
- Who's Edith Cavell?
- Never mind.
195
00:11:14,847 --> 00:11:18,396
- Knees and dimples.
- Not Edith Cavell!
196
00:11:18,447 --> 00:11:21,803
Me. Knees and dimples.
Soothing dissatisfied customers.
197
00:11:21,847 --> 00:11:24,441
Knees for the men and dimples for the women.
198
00:11:24,487 --> 00:11:29,242
"She's so sweet. She's got such an honest face.
You can't stay angry with her for long.
199
00:11:29,287 --> 00:11:33,360
"She hasn't got a brain in her head
but let's give the agency another chance."
200
00:11:33,407 --> 00:11:36,080
Anyway, that's the really professional me.
201
00:11:36,127 --> 00:11:37,321
The sum total.
202
00:11:37,367 --> 00:11:39,244
I'm sure Jean didn't say any of that.
203
00:11:39,287 --> 00:11:42,996
That's what she meant.
"No organisational skills." She did say that.
204
00:11:43,047 --> 00:11:47,325
"A bit slapdash. Not the best timekeeper
in the world," she said that.
205
00:11:47,367 --> 00:11:51,121
"You sometimes treat this job
as though it's some sort of a hobby."
206
00:11:51,167 --> 00:11:53,397
- She did say that.
- She was right.
207
00:11:54,327 --> 00:11:56,045
What?
208
00:11:56,087 --> 00:12:01,320
You're a sweet girl, but if you'd worked for me
in Kenya, you wouldn't have lasted two weeks.
209
00:12:01,367 --> 00:12:04,040
- I never wanted to plant cocoa.
- Coffee.
210
00:12:04,087 --> 00:12:05,520
Coffee, then.
211
00:12:05,567 --> 00:12:07,444
So... I'm useless.
212
00:12:07,487 --> 00:12:10,001
No. And don't say that was the inference.
213
00:12:10,047 --> 00:12:12,003
Of course you're not useless.
214
00:12:12,047 --> 00:12:15,005
But... you could be more useful.
215
00:12:15,047 --> 00:12:17,800
Nose to the grindstone, all that sort of thing.
216
00:12:17,847 --> 00:12:19,883
Yeah. All that sort of thing.
217
00:12:19,927 --> 00:12:22,600
I thought you liked me.
218
00:12:22,647 --> 00:12:26,037
You don't really expect me
to fall for that one, do you?
219
00:12:26,087 --> 00:12:28,806
No. You're getting to know me too well.
220
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:37,523
Don't... just be the boss's daughter, Judith.
221
00:12:41,807 --> 00:12:45,197
I should never have assumed
that I qualified, I suppose.
222
00:12:46,447 --> 00:12:48,165
No.
223
00:12:48,207 --> 00:12:50,198
Whereas Sandy does qualify.
224
00:12:50,247 --> 00:12:51,521
Sandy?
225
00:12:51,567 --> 00:12:53,319
Yeah.
226
00:12:53,367 --> 00:12:55,676
Didn't your mother tell you?
227
00:13:07,367 --> 00:13:09,562
You shouldn't have left me in there.
228
00:13:09,607 --> 00:13:12,075
But she likes you. I thought you'd cheer her up.
229
00:13:12,127 --> 00:13:13,640
I almost did.
230
00:13:13,687 --> 00:13:16,121
- What happened?
- I mentioned Sandy.
231
00:13:16,167 --> 00:13:18,317
- Oh...
- I assumed you'd told her.
232
00:13:18,367 --> 00:13:20,403
I was keeping that for tomorrow.
233
00:13:22,487 --> 00:13:26,446
- I bet you wish you hadn't moved in.
- I'll tell you when we've had dinner.
234
00:13:28,007 --> 00:13:31,363
- Do you want a tissue?
- No, I'm all right, thank you.
235
00:13:32,167 --> 00:13:37,002
I hoped I'd never hear myself saying this
but I don't understand the younger generation.
236
00:13:37,047 --> 00:13:41,245
I offer you a real chance of promotion
and you act as if I've given you the sack.
237
00:13:41,287 --> 00:13:43,357
I thought you'd offer the job to Judith.
238
00:13:43,407 --> 00:13:45,523
- I didn't.
- But she's your daughter.
239
00:13:45,567 --> 00:13:47,558
Which didn't make it very easy.
240
00:13:47,607 --> 00:13:52,317
Look, the job is yours by rights, Sandy.
You're better at it than Judith is.
241
00:13:52,367 --> 00:13:55,120
Oh, do you think I could have
that tissue now, please?
242
00:13:55,167 --> 00:13:57,442
- Is it the excitement?
- No.
243
00:13:57,487 --> 00:13:59,079
- Pollen?
- What?
244
00:13:59,127 --> 00:14:01,118
I've run out of ideas.
245
00:14:01,167 --> 00:14:04,239
No, it's... guilt.
246
00:14:05,367 --> 00:14:08,837
Alistair made me an offer
and I said I'd think about it.
247
00:14:09,807 --> 00:14:12,116
Oh, I see.
248
00:14:12,167 --> 00:14:15,364
Was it a mafia kind of offer,
the sort you can't refuse?
249
00:14:15,407 --> 00:14:17,284
It is very tempting.
250
00:14:17,327 --> 00:14:20,080
From Alistair
I wouldn't have expected less.
251
00:14:20,127 --> 00:14:23,961
Do you want to stop me thinking about it
by just kicking me out now?
252
00:14:24,007 --> 00:14:26,077
No, I've got my best shoes on.
253
00:14:26,127 --> 00:14:29,676
Look, it's business, Sandy.
There's no need to feel guilty about it.
254
00:14:29,727 --> 00:14:32,241
But I went behind your back.
255
00:14:32,287 --> 00:14:36,041
I wanted to tell you about it
but I thought you'd hit the roof.
256
00:14:37,527 --> 00:14:39,916
Look. Your career is yours.
257
00:14:39,967 --> 00:14:41,605
Your life is yours.
258
00:14:41,647 --> 00:14:45,686
If you told me that you were talking to Alistair,
I'd have said...
259
00:14:45,727 --> 00:14:48,161
You're quite right,
I'd probably have hit the roof.
260
00:14:49,047 --> 00:14:51,083
Makes me glad I'm unemployed.
261
00:14:51,127 --> 00:14:53,197
- You're self-employed.
- Well...
262
00:14:53,247 --> 00:14:55,761
Self-employed unemployed then.
263
00:14:55,807 --> 00:14:57,798
You'll give Judith the job now?
264
00:14:57,847 --> 00:15:01,556
No. How would you like to be as good as told
you're second best?
265
00:15:02,007 --> 00:15:05,966
Depends what at, really. If I was second best
at knitting, I wouldn't mind.
266
00:15:06,007 --> 00:15:07,884
- You can knit?
- No.
267
00:15:07,927 --> 00:15:09,519
You're just being flippant.
268
00:15:09,567 --> 00:15:11,842
Well, I was just trying to cheer you up.
269
00:15:13,727 --> 00:15:15,604
Do you like chilli?
270
00:15:15,647 --> 00:15:17,638
The food or the country?
271
00:15:17,687 --> 00:15:19,405
The food.
272
00:15:19,447 --> 00:15:22,439
I don't know. I haven't tasted it for a long time.
273
00:15:22,487 --> 00:15:24,876
Yes, I think I do. Why?
274
00:15:24,927 --> 00:15:28,715
I make a very fair chilli. I thought I might make
us some for dinner tonight.
275
00:15:28,767 --> 00:15:31,600
Why have you got this fetish
about cooking dinner?
276
00:15:31,647 --> 00:15:34,115
It isn't a fetish - I'm not doing much else.
277
00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:37,000
Stop being a male chauvinist
and let me do chilli.
278
00:15:37,047 --> 00:15:38,924
All right. I'd like that.
279
00:15:38,967 --> 00:15:44,724
Fetish. If I had a fetish it'd be a damn sight
more interesting than chilli con carne.
280
00:15:44,767 --> 00:15:46,883
What would it be?
281
00:15:46,927 --> 00:15:50,681
- Women with ice cream round their mouths.
- Oh, you might have told me!
282
00:15:50,727 --> 00:15:52,604
I just did.
283
00:16:04,607 --> 00:16:06,996
Thanks...
284
00:16:07,047 --> 00:16:08,719
Sorry.
285
00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:17,720
I should have just muttered and kicked it away
with my Zimmer frame.
286
00:16:19,647 --> 00:16:21,524
- Lionel?
- Mm?
287
00:16:21,567 --> 00:16:25,480
You know we agreed that the idea of you
running the new branch was a silly one.
288
00:16:25,527 --> 00:16:27,404
Is it so silly?
289
00:16:27,447 --> 00:16:29,563
No, it's totally absurd.
290
00:16:29,607 --> 00:16:33,805
- I admire the way you thought it through.
- There's nothing to think through.
291
00:16:33,847 --> 00:16:37,556
Me, handling a lot of women?
- We're not wild beasts.
292
00:16:37,607 --> 00:16:40,041
Just takes a bit of organising, that's all.
293
00:16:40,087 --> 00:16:43,397
- Get yourself a good secretary.
- My stepmother, old Madge.
294
00:16:43,447 --> 00:16:45,483
She's 78, according to you, off her chump.
295
00:16:45,527 --> 00:16:49,406
And she'd fit the set-up you're proposing
perfectly, wouldn't she?
296
00:16:49,447 --> 00:16:51,483
I know why you're doing this.
297
00:16:51,527 --> 00:16:54,724
- It's a "make Lionel a few bob" idea, isn't it?
- No.
298
00:16:54,767 --> 00:16:57,679
- Prove it.
- Well, all right, all right.
299
00:16:57,727 --> 00:17:00,400
- It would help me because...
- You can't.
300
00:17:00,447 --> 00:17:02,642
Just a minute. Now, just a minute.
301
00:17:03,407 --> 00:17:09,039
It would help me because it would be nice for
me to have somebody I know working with me.
302
00:17:09,087 --> 00:17:11,442
Know? We sleep together.
303
00:17:11,487 --> 00:17:13,637
- Know very well, then.
- Hmph!
304
00:17:14,207 --> 00:17:16,641
Can you honestly see me working for you?
305
00:17:16,687 --> 00:17:18,359
Yes!
306
00:17:18,407 --> 00:17:21,444
- Honestly and truly?
- You're stubborn.
307
00:17:23,967 --> 00:17:25,844
What was that for?
308
00:17:25,887 --> 00:17:28,959
If I were a frontiersman,
you're the woman I'd like by my side.
309
00:17:29,007 --> 00:17:31,316
You're not becoming a frontiersman?
310
00:17:31,367 --> 00:17:33,597
- Not immediately, no.
- Oh!
311
00:17:35,807 --> 00:17:37,843
- What was that for?
- You didn't explain, so...
312
00:17:37,887 --> 00:17:40,117
Oh!
313
00:17:40,167 --> 00:17:41,998
Sorry.
314
00:17:42,047 --> 00:17:44,242
What am I apologising for?
315
00:17:44,287 --> 00:17:46,596
Stupid young fools!
316
00:17:49,687 --> 00:17:52,759
Make yourself at home.
Alistair will be with you in a minute.
317
00:17:52,807 --> 00:17:54,798
Thank you.
318
00:18:08,607 --> 00:18:11,280
My God, you look fantastic!
319
00:18:11,327 --> 00:18:14,558
- What are you doing?
- Telling you you look fantastic.
320
00:18:14,607 --> 00:18:17,883
- Why are you dressed like that?
- I've just had a sauna.
321
00:18:17,927 --> 00:18:20,122
- In the office?
- Yes.
322
00:18:20,167 --> 00:18:22,681
Hey, if you ever fancy one, just drop by.
323
00:18:22,727 --> 00:18:25,958
Would you like some carrot juice?
Chinese gooseberry?
324
00:18:26,007 --> 00:18:29,477
I didn't come for carrot juice
or Chinese gooseberries
325
00:18:29,527 --> 00:18:31,802
and I didn't come here for a sauna.
326
00:18:31,847 --> 00:18:34,281
I came here to tell you that you are a toad.
327
00:18:36,207 --> 00:18:37,765
Here.
328
00:18:37,807 --> 00:18:39,684
- What are they?
- You're stressed.
329
00:18:39,727 --> 00:18:41,046
I am not stressed.
330
00:18:41,087 --> 00:18:43,806
- Then why call me a toad?
- Poaching my secretary.
331
00:18:43,847 --> 00:18:45,758
Ah, this is true.
332
00:18:45,807 --> 00:18:48,844
- I thought we were meant to be friends.
- We still are.
333
00:18:48,887 --> 00:18:52,880
When I think we could have been
something more... Woof! You still excite me.
334
00:18:52,927 --> 00:18:55,760
Oh, please, Alistair, please. Stop all that.
335
00:18:56,527 --> 00:18:58,518
I think you owe me an explanation.
336
00:18:58,567 --> 00:19:01,559
- Sandy is a diamond.
- That's it?
337
00:19:01,607 --> 00:19:03,996
What would you do if she worked for me?
338
00:19:04,047 --> 00:19:05,958
I'd think you were very lucky.
339
00:19:06,007 --> 00:19:08,567
- And?
- That's it. That's all.
340
00:19:10,527 --> 00:19:13,803
- We are talking business.
- I know we're talking business.
341
00:19:13,847 --> 00:19:16,315
- You do look fantastic though.
- That isn't business.
342
00:19:16,367 --> 00:19:18,722
OK, listen.
343
00:19:20,807 --> 00:19:24,197
If she worked for me and you got
the impression she wasn't happy,
344
00:19:24,247 --> 00:19:28,957
are you telling me you wouldn't make
the slightest noises towards her?
345
00:19:29,007 --> 00:19:30,486
I might.
346
00:19:30,527 --> 00:19:33,280
That's all I did.
She thought Judy would get the new job.
347
00:19:33,327 --> 00:19:35,636
I know, but I want Sandy to have it.
348
00:19:35,687 --> 00:19:40,078
But I have to be honest. I mean,
I can't compete with a sauna in the office.
349
00:19:40,127 --> 00:19:42,163
OK.
350
00:19:42,207 --> 00:19:44,163
We leave it to Sandy.
351
00:19:44,207 --> 00:19:48,325
We'll just sit back... and I'll increase my offer.
352
00:19:48,367 --> 00:19:51,404
- If you do, I'll turn on the tears.
- Fair enough.
353
00:19:51,447 --> 00:19:53,677
- You do look fantastic.
- Alistair...
354
00:19:53,727 --> 00:19:56,241
Life with Lionel obviously suits you.
355
00:19:58,167 --> 00:19:59,441
Ah.
356
00:19:59,487 --> 00:20:02,843
- Probs?
- Well, the book's not selling, is it?
357
00:20:02,887 --> 00:20:07,119
- The truth.
- On a scale of one to ten... no.
358
00:20:08,167 --> 00:20:11,557
And the lecture tours are conspicuous
by their absence.
359
00:20:11,607 --> 00:20:14,041
He keeps wanting to cook dinner.
360
00:20:14,087 --> 00:20:16,476
I don't want him to feel...
361
00:20:16,527 --> 00:20:18,722
I don't want him to feel less.
362
00:20:18,767 --> 00:20:21,804
- He's a weird guy, Lionel.
- No, he's not.
363
00:20:21,847 --> 00:20:23,963
He can be a bit odd, but he's not weird.
364
00:20:24,007 --> 00:20:26,680
Why else would he turn down
a bunch of dollars?
365
00:20:26,727 --> 00:20:28,763
- He wouldn't.
- He has.
366
00:20:28,807 --> 00:20:31,321
- When?
- A couple of weeks ago.
367
00:20:31,367 --> 00:20:35,679
It's there to be written. Your story.
Your young story.
368
00:20:35,727 --> 00:20:39,436
It grabs me by the throat
and yells "miniseries".
369
00:20:39,487 --> 00:20:42,320
- You're off your trolley.
- I have a sauna in the office.
370
00:20:42,367 --> 00:20:44,756
Who'd be interested in a soppy story like that?
371
00:20:44,807 --> 00:20:46,798
Only the world. I'm serious.
372
00:20:46,847 --> 00:20:49,520
I offered to talk to America.
Do you know what Lionel said?
373
00:20:49,567 --> 00:20:52,843
I don't know. Something like,
"How nice for America."
374
00:20:53,287 --> 00:20:55,926
- Oh!
- Exactly like.
375
00:20:55,967 --> 00:20:59,482
You know there are private people
and there are private people
376
00:20:59,527 --> 00:21:01,404
and then there's Lionel.
377
00:21:01,447 --> 00:21:04,996
- It's not just his story.
- You could be Julia Roberts.
378
00:21:05,047 --> 00:21:08,244
Oh, no! She's very nice but 18 she's not.
379
00:21:08,287 --> 00:21:10,926
- Did you look 18 when you were 18?
- I must have done.
380
00:21:10,967 --> 00:21:14,403
- Perhaps a young Jodie Foster.
- Perhaps we're getting ahead of ourselves.
381
00:21:14,447 --> 00:21:16,199
- Only way to go.
- Not for me.
382
00:21:16,967 --> 00:21:18,958
And certainly not for Lionel.
383
00:21:19,007 --> 00:21:21,157
Let's get back to square one.
384
00:21:21,207 --> 00:21:23,482
How much of a reality is all this?
385
00:21:23,527 --> 00:21:26,917
- I am here to tell you...
- On a scale of one to ten.
386
00:21:26,967 --> 00:21:28,719
Maybe three.
387
00:21:28,767 --> 00:21:31,076
But it's better than cooking dinner.
388
00:21:31,927 --> 00:21:33,565
- Let's talk.
- In the sauna?
389
00:21:33,607 --> 00:21:36,075
No, let's talk.
390
00:21:36,407 --> 00:21:38,523
Alistair, you're not a toad.
391
00:21:41,687 --> 00:21:44,360
My chilli's coming along very nicely.
392
00:21:44,407 --> 00:21:46,875
- You did soak the kidney beans?
- Of course.
393
00:21:46,927 --> 00:21:48,963
I'm only asking!
394
00:21:49,007 --> 00:21:51,123
You get a bit touchy when you cook.
395
00:21:51,167 --> 00:21:53,442
Only when it's faintly ambitious.
396
00:21:53,487 --> 00:21:56,797
When I boil an egg, I'm positively cavalier.
397
00:21:56,847 --> 00:21:58,838
I saw Alistair today.
398
00:21:58,887 --> 00:22:01,321
I tore him off a strip for trying to poach Sandy.
399
00:22:01,367 --> 00:22:04,564
- I assume he was very contrite.
- Almost grovellingly.
400
00:22:04,607 --> 00:22:07,485
You never told me he was asking you
to write something else.
401
00:22:07,527 --> 00:22:09,165
- Us.
- Yes.
402
00:22:09,207 --> 00:22:11,198
I'd sooner walk naked down Oxford Street.
403
00:22:11,247 --> 00:22:12,965
Oh!
404
00:22:13,007 --> 00:22:16,363
- That'll be Judy. If there's a row...
- I'll be in the kitchen.
405
00:22:16,407 --> 00:22:19,046
- Hello.
- Hello.
406
00:22:19,087 --> 00:22:20,645
Hello.
407
00:22:20,687 --> 00:22:23,326
- We've had a chat.
- Yes?
408
00:22:24,287 --> 00:22:26,562
- I'm sorry, Mum.
- Oh.
409
00:22:28,407 --> 00:22:30,363
As for you...
410
00:22:31,287 --> 00:22:33,005
Oh, thank you.
411
00:22:33,047 --> 00:22:36,517
I should never have thought
I was up for the job in the first place.
412
00:22:36,567 --> 00:22:39,877
Maybe the next branch.
That's it. That's me, really.
413
00:22:40,487 --> 00:22:43,047
And, erm... I've said no to Alistair.
414
00:22:43,087 --> 00:22:47,046
And I don't want to run the new branch either.
But it was nice to be appreciated.
415
00:22:47,087 --> 00:22:48,725
Thank you.
416
00:22:48,767 --> 00:22:50,519
Well, that's me, really.
417
00:22:50,567 --> 00:22:54,037
- Whatever happened to ambition?
- Well, that can wait a bit.
418
00:22:54,087 --> 00:22:57,477
- I don't know why I bother with you two.
- Because we're so lovable.
419
00:22:57,527 --> 00:22:59,995
- Cheerio, we're off to eat.
- Have a nice time.
420
00:23:00,047 --> 00:23:02,880
- Thanks for being so loyal, Sandy.
- That's all right.
421
00:23:02,927 --> 00:23:05,760
I, er... thought we might talk
about a raise tomorrow.
422
00:23:07,087 --> 00:23:09,157
For both of us.
423
00:23:10,487 --> 00:23:13,160
Women!
424
00:23:14,607 --> 00:23:16,404
Ready to eat?
425
00:23:18,167 --> 00:23:19,759
Oh...
426
00:23:21,767 --> 00:23:24,076
- You're quite pink.
- Oh...
427
00:23:24,127 --> 00:23:26,038
It's very nice, it's just...
428
00:23:26,847 --> 00:23:29,202
It's just a bit on the hot side.
429
00:23:29,247 --> 00:23:31,761
I'm used to making it the way I like it.
430
00:23:31,807 --> 00:23:34,958
- I'll tone it down a bit next time.
- Just a bit, yes.
431
00:23:35,007 --> 00:23:38,397
No, no, sit for a bit. Have some more wine.
432
00:23:40,127 --> 00:23:43,676
- You?
- Oh, no. No. I'll stick to the water.
433
00:23:46,167 --> 00:23:48,158
About Alistair.
434
00:23:48,207 --> 00:23:50,641
I make quite a fair spotted dick, you know.
435
00:23:50,687 --> 00:23:52,325
Oh, good.
436
00:23:52,367 --> 00:23:56,042
- About Alistair.
- My stew's not to be sneezed at either.
437
00:23:56,087 --> 00:23:58,282
- About Alistair.
- Pie in the sky.
438
00:23:58,327 --> 00:24:01,763
Are we still on the cooking
or have we finally got to Alistair?
439
00:24:01,807 --> 00:24:04,116
Alistair. It's all pie in the sky.
440
00:24:04,167 --> 00:24:07,796
Be honest. You read the book.
I should have sold it as a sleeping pill.
441
00:24:07,847 --> 00:24:11,237
He's not talking about a book.
He's talking about a miniseries.
442
00:24:11,287 --> 00:24:13,721
What, written for tiny little people?
443
00:24:14,007 --> 00:24:16,396
I'm gonna empty the rest of this chilli over you.
444
00:24:16,447 --> 00:24:19,519
- I can't write a miniseries.
- You don't know that yet.
445
00:24:19,567 --> 00:24:22,764
Just a few hours about you and I
when we were young.
446
00:24:22,807 --> 00:24:25,844
Scene one. Lionel the Viking
leaps from his longship.
447
00:24:27,367 --> 00:24:29,961
It's all history. We're not relevant.
448
00:24:30,007 --> 00:24:32,396
Of course we're relevant. We're here.
449
00:24:32,447 --> 00:24:36,486
Of course we're relevant. History as you call it
can make very good television.
450
00:24:36,527 --> 00:24:41,999
Look at that thing we watched the other night
about the '50s with that actor... that... actor in it.
451
00:24:42,047 --> 00:24:44,845
- Well, it was very good.
- You fell asleep.
452
00:24:44,887 --> 00:24:47,526
Yes, well, the bits I saw were very good.
I mean...
453
00:24:47,567 --> 00:24:49,842
- Period pieces.
- Us?
454
00:24:49,887 --> 00:24:52,276
That's what they're called. They're popular.
455
00:24:52,327 --> 00:24:56,115
If Alistair thinks they can work then why not?
456
00:24:56,167 --> 00:24:59,682
Would you allow cameras
in the bedroom when we were in bed?
457
00:24:59,727 --> 00:25:02,321
- No. Don't be so silly.
- That's the equivalent.
458
00:25:02,367 --> 00:25:05,518
- But Lionel, nobody wants us in it.
- Well...
459
00:25:05,567 --> 00:25:09,242
It's still pie in the sky and Alistair knows it.
I can't write fiction.
460
00:25:09,287 --> 00:25:12,484
But you don't know that yet.
It's not fiction. It all happened.
461
00:25:12,527 --> 00:25:15,599
It's our business and nobody else's.
462
00:25:16,447 --> 00:25:18,517
I'm going to clear away.
463
00:25:18,567 --> 00:25:21,365
I know why that mule kicked you in Korea.
464
00:25:21,407 --> 00:25:25,446
- It thought you were another mule.
- Shall I save this for tomorrow?
465
00:25:25,487 --> 00:25:29,036
I don't think my temperature will have returned
to normal by then.
466
00:25:29,087 --> 00:25:31,999
- I'll have it for lunch.
- Look, it's just a story.
467
00:25:32,047 --> 00:25:36,279
It hardly comes under the heading of a startling
revelation in a Sunday newspaper.
468
00:25:36,327 --> 00:25:40,115
- We'd give away something of ourselves.
- Nobody'll know it's us.
469
00:25:40,167 --> 00:25:42,761
With Alistair involved, don't you bet on it.
470
00:25:42,807 --> 00:25:46,038
He'd probably run guided tours past the house.
471
00:25:46,087 --> 00:25:50,524
"If you look out the left-hand side of the bus,
you may just catch the original relics."
472
00:25:50,567 --> 00:25:53,365
Your argument's getting wilder by the minute.
473
00:25:53,407 --> 00:25:56,399
I can't see why you're so keen on this.
474
00:25:56,447 --> 00:25:58,642
For you.
475
00:25:58,687 --> 00:26:04,205
You ought to be doing something, not loading
dishwashers and wondering how to iron bras.
476
00:26:04,247 --> 00:26:08,923
It's not the money. I don't care if you never
earn another penny for the rest of your life.
477
00:26:08,967 --> 00:26:10,639
But you do.
478
00:26:10,687 --> 00:26:12,325
It's pride.
479
00:26:12,367 --> 00:26:14,562
I want you to be proud.
480
00:26:14,607 --> 00:26:16,837
And I want to be proud because you're proud.
481
00:26:18,127 --> 00:26:20,038
Now, scene one.
482
00:26:20,687 --> 00:26:25,283
A handsome young 2nd lieutenant in the
Middlesex regiment strides through Hyde Park.
483
00:26:25,327 --> 00:26:27,761
I was strolling, and I draw the line at handsome.
484
00:26:27,807 --> 00:26:30,560
Well, strolling, then. He sees a young nurse.
485
00:26:30,607 --> 00:26:32,325
Now, what then?
486
00:26:32,367 --> 00:26:35,359
The most original chat-up line
he can think of is...
487
00:26:35,407 --> 00:26:39,241
- "Could you tell me the way to Curzon Street?"
- Yes. Well, ignore that.
488
00:26:39,287 --> 00:26:41,482
What did this young officer feel?
489
00:26:42,527 --> 00:26:44,358
A total fool in retrospect.
490
00:26:44,407 --> 00:26:46,967
I'm not talking about "in retrospect".
491
00:26:47,007 --> 00:26:49,202
What did he feel then?
492
00:26:50,247 --> 00:26:52,078
I saw you...
493
00:26:52,847 --> 00:26:54,724
and I stopped breathing.
494
00:26:54,767 --> 00:26:56,803
I really did.
495
00:26:56,847 --> 00:26:58,405
Did you?
496
00:26:58,447 --> 00:27:01,598
I started again, obviously, or I'd have died, but...
497
00:27:01,647 --> 00:27:04,320
for that moment, there was nobody in that park.
498
00:27:04,367 --> 00:27:06,756
Nothing else in the park, just you.
499
00:27:07,807 --> 00:27:10,002
Shall we have an early night tonight?
500
00:27:10,847 --> 00:27:13,315
- Good idea.
- It's a beautiful thing to say.
501
00:27:14,727 --> 00:27:17,321
- I couldn't write it.
- You just did.
502
00:27:17,927 --> 00:27:21,124
- What about sex scenes?
- We had plenty of those, didn't we?
503
00:27:21,167 --> 00:27:25,399
- Us, on a television screen.
- Lionel! You will not get into your head...
504
00:27:25,447 --> 00:27:28,883
It wouldn't be us, it would be two other people.
It could be lovely.
505
00:27:28,927 --> 00:27:31,646
You're getting carried away.
You know Alistair.
506
00:27:31,687 --> 00:27:34,759
Today's hot idea is tomorrow's cold potato.
507
00:27:34,807 --> 00:27:37,958
Pie in the sky, that's all it is.
508
00:27:40,887 --> 00:27:42,445
- Hello.
- Hi, lovely lady.
509
00:27:42,487 --> 00:27:47,003
Oh, hello... Where?
510
00:27:47,047 --> 00:27:49,322
Oh, of course you must.
511
00:27:49,367 --> 00:27:50,959
Yes, I'll tell him.
512
00:27:51,007 --> 00:27:54,124
- Ciao, lovely lady.
- Bon voyage.
513
00:27:55,527 --> 00:27:58,724
That was Alistair, phoning from Heathrow.
514
00:27:59,327 --> 00:28:01,602
He's flying out.
515
00:28:01,647 --> 00:28:03,842
He's going to talk to America.
516
00:28:12,607 --> 00:28:15,405
# You must remember this
517
00:28:15,447 --> 00:28:18,007
# A kiss is still a kiss
518
00:28:18,047 --> 00:28:21,437
# A sigh is just a sigh
519
00:28:23,407 --> 00:28:27,161
# The fundamental things apply
520
00:28:27,207 --> 00:28:30,961
# As time goes by
521
00:28:34,207 --> 00:28:36,960
# And when two lovers woo
522
00:28:37,007 --> 00:28:39,760
# They still say I love you
523
00:28:39,807 --> 00:28:42,719
# On that you can rely
524
00:28:45,327 --> 00:28:49,684
# The world will always welcome lovers
525
00:28:50,967 --> 00:28:58,760
# As time goes by #
526
00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:09,760
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