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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,299 --> 00:00:09,301 2 00:00:48,131 --> 00:00:51,260 In this ever-expanding galaxy called New York City, 3 00:00:51,343 --> 00:00:54,263 there are certain heavenly bodies one orbits around every day. 4 00:00:54,346 --> 00:00:56,139 And then there are those stars 5 00:00:56,223 --> 00:00:59,351 whose gravitational pull one drifts in and out of over the years. 6 00:00:59,518 --> 00:01:01,311 Is that all there is 7 00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:04,731 Bobby Fine, satellite friend, piano bar legend. 8 00:01:06,275 --> 00:01:09,861 I usually do this number at home in a pink caftan and a Peggy Lee wig. 9 00:01:09,945 --> 00:01:10,904 10 00:01:10,988 --> 00:01:13,532 Like you've never done the same thing after three daiquiris? 11 00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:19,037 But right now, I must take a quick break to say hello to a celebrity friend. 12 00:01:19,621 --> 00:01:20,831 Is there any other kind? 13 00:01:21,373 --> 00:01:24,084 -Little Miss Carrie Bradshaw. - Wonderful. 14 00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:25,460 She writes books. 15 00:01:25,711 --> 00:01:28,171 You remember books. Primitive versions of the DVD. 16 00:01:29,256 --> 00:01:33,468 Stop, please stop. Okay, one more time for the cheap seats in the back. 17 00:01:35,137 --> 00:01:36,763 Is that all there is 18 00:01:38,348 --> 00:01:42,894 Yes, that's all there is 19 00:01:42,978 --> 00:01:45,188 20 00:01:45,355 --> 00:01:46,857 How long have you two known each other? 21 00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:49,818 Oh, let's put it this way. Cats was just Kittens. 22 00:01:49,901 --> 00:01:52,279 -Cats, the musical. 23 00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:54,865 -Hello? -Oh, I loved Cats. 24 00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:56,617 -Medic. - 25 00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:59,369 -It hasn't been that long, has it? -Please, darling, when we met, 26 00:01:59,494 --> 00:02:01,705 you took aerobics, and Stanford had hair. 27 00:02:02,748 --> 00:02:04,708 -Bobby. -Whoa, Bitsy. 28 00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:06,460 -I thought you had a dinner. - Oh, I do. 29 00:02:06,585 --> 00:02:09,254 The driver is circling, but I had to run up and say hello. 30 00:02:09,338 --> 00:02:12,007 -Aw. -Oh, hello, hello, hello, hello. 31 00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:15,093 Bitsy Von Muffling. This is Carrie, Miranda, Samantha, 32 00:02:15,177 --> 00:02:17,179 and the one who liked Cats. 33 00:02:17,262 --> 00:02:21,308 Bitsy, Samantha Jones. I did PR for your museum benefit. 34 00:02:21,391 --> 00:02:24,186 Oh, Samantha, of course, I loved you. 35 00:02:24,686 --> 00:02:27,522 I was just so thrilled that someone actually liked Cats. 36 00:02:27,606 --> 00:02:30,984 -Well, I didn't like it that much. -Waiter, sense of humor, table five. 37 00:02:31,735 --> 00:02:34,780 -So, Samantha, how are you? -Fabulous. How are you? 38 00:02:34,863 --> 00:02:37,574 Delirious. I'm madly in love and getting married. 39 00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:40,285 -Oh! -Big, big, big Hamptons wedding. 40 00:02:40,369 --> 00:02:42,871 -Aw. -Congratulations! Who's the lucky stud? 41 00:02:42,954 --> 00:02:43,914 Me. 42 00:02:44,206 --> 00:02:47,000 Ah! 43 00:02:52,255 --> 00:02:54,049 Oh! Oh! 44 00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:57,427 -You're getting married? -Can you believe it? 45 00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,680 Bitsy and I are affianced. 46 00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:02,015 I finally found the right girl. 47 00:03:05,060 --> 00:03:06,770 48 00:03:07,562 --> 00:03:10,148 Well, Mr. Broadway has to go tinkle before he can tinkle. 49 00:03:11,316 --> 00:03:13,610 And, Samantha, I have your address. You have to come. 50 00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:15,779 -Nice meeting you all. - Bye. 51 00:03:17,823 --> 00:03:19,032 I thought he was... 52 00:03:19,116 --> 00:03:20,492 -gay. -Uh, yeah. 53 00:03:20,742 --> 00:03:22,077 "Mr. Broadway has to go tinkle"? 54 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:24,246 That as to be the gayest sentence ever uttered. 55 00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:27,249 -He must be marrying her for the money. -He doesn't need the money. 56 00:03:27,499 --> 00:03:30,585 He was one of the original investors in A Chorus Line. 57 00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:33,255 Just when you thought you'd never hear a phrase gayer than, 58 00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:35,424 "Mr. Broadway has to go tinkle." 59 00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:37,342 Why would he be getting married? 60 00:03:38,468 --> 00:03:40,929 In 1988, Bobby Fine announced 61 00:03:41,012 --> 00:03:43,557 that he was going to sell his piano bar downtown 62 00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:46,810 and go volunteer with Nicaraguan orphans. 63 00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:49,479 The orphans are still waiting. 64 00:03:50,147 --> 00:03:53,316 This wedding will never happen. 65 00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:56,695 -It's happening. -Everything's booked. 66 00:03:56,778 --> 00:03:59,531 So the really big question is where are we going to stay? 67 00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:02,367 That's the really big question? 68 00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:05,537 What about, "Why are these two people marrying each other?" 69 00:04:05,662 --> 00:04:07,539 -Hmm. -Is that all there is? 70 00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:09,207 Well, Bitsy said they were madly in love. 71 00:04:09,291 --> 00:04:12,502 You see, I find the love facade the most offensive part. 72 00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:14,296 We're adults. We can handle it. 73 00:04:14,629 --> 00:04:17,549 Bitsy should say, "I'm getting older and I want companionship." 74 00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:20,510 Or Bobby should say, "The hot men don't go for me anymore." 75 00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:22,679 But don't print up invitations and call it love, 76 00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:26,016 as if love transforms people and changes molecules. 77 00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:27,267 'Cause that's bullshit. 78 00:04:27,684 --> 00:04:29,561 I guess you don't want to be my date then. 79 00:04:29,644 --> 00:04:31,688 No dates, unless they have summer houses. 80 00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,732 Oh, relax. We can stay with Stanford and Marcus. 81 00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:36,401 I was a fool to break up with Richard before Labor Day. 82 00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:38,153 He has a fabulous house. 83 00:04:38,236 --> 00:04:41,656 I wouldn't go to this charade if you paid me. 84 00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:45,118 It's like there's a pink suede elephant in the middle of the room, 85 00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:46,745 and nobody's allowed to talk about it. 86 00:04:46,828 --> 00:04:48,497 Do you think they won't have sex? 87 00:04:48,580 --> 00:04:51,750 All married couples stop having sex eventually. 88 00:04:51,875 --> 00:04:54,252 That's not true. You've had sex with plenty of married people. 89 00:04:54,336 --> 00:04:55,670 That's how I know. 90 00:04:56,171 --> 00:04:57,172 Okay. 91 00:04:57,589 --> 00:04:59,049 Let's say it's companionship. 92 00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:02,844 How do you sustain a relationship without the zsa zsa zsu? 93 00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:04,971 -The what? - You know, 94 00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:07,057 that butterflies-in-your-stomach thing 95 00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:09,267 that happens when you not only love the person 96 00:05:09,351 --> 00:05:10,811 but you gotta have them. 97 00:05:11,353 --> 00:05:13,230 Isn't that what gets you through the years? 98 00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:17,692 Even if it fades, at least, you have the memory of the zsa zsa zsu. 99 00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:19,986 I'm fine with whatever people want to do. 100 00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:21,530 Just be straight with me. 101 00:05:21,863 --> 00:05:23,698 I think that's how Bitsy proposed to Bobby. 102 00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:25,826 It was right about then 103 00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:28,161 Charlotte decided to be straight with us. 104 00:05:28,245 --> 00:05:30,330 I'm seeing someone, sort of. 105 00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:32,958 You're in a "sort of" relationship? 106 00:05:33,375 --> 00:05:36,127 It's ridiculous. He's so not my type. 107 00:05:36,628 --> 00:05:37,921 Is he heterosexual? 108 00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:39,089 Yes. 109 00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:44,469 But he's bald and short, and he talks with his mouth full. 110 00:05:44,553 --> 00:05:46,638 And I don't even want to be seen in public with him. 111 00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:49,224 And I hate his name, Harry, because he is. 112 00:05:49,307 --> 00:05:50,517 Everywhere but his head. 113 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:53,019 Wow! Is the sex bad too? 114 00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,772 It's the best sex of my life. 115 00:05:58,024 --> 00:05:59,776 I think I might really like him. 116 00:06:01,736 --> 00:06:03,947 You want to go to a wedding in the Hamptons in a few weeks? 117 00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:07,284 -Bitsy Von Muffling's. -You're invited to that? 118 00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:08,994 Oh, yeah, I handled her divorce. 119 00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:11,496 I just never thought of you as a Hamptons type. 120 00:06:11,580 --> 00:06:14,416 I am the Hamptons, baby. I own a house in Bridge. 121 00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:19,170 Well, I can't go. I'm not really ready for swimsuit season. 122 00:06:19,254 --> 00:06:21,006 What? You're a fucking knockout. 123 00:06:21,089 --> 00:06:22,591 It's you. It's your back. 124 00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:24,217 What's wrong with my back? 125 00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:26,428 It's very hairy. 126 00:06:26,761 --> 00:06:28,972 You're not supposed to be able to grab someone's back. 127 00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:32,309 Hey, this is how I was born. What am I supposed to do about it? 128 00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:33,977 Get it waxed. 129 00:06:34,352 --> 00:06:35,270 I'll tell you what. 130 00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:37,355 You come with me to the wedding, 131 00:06:37,939 --> 00:06:40,025 and I will get my back waxed. 132 00:06:40,150 --> 00:06:41,067 Fine. 133 00:06:42,193 --> 00:06:43,194 Come here, you. 134 00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:45,864 -No! Your hands are all greasy. -Oh, oh, oh! 135 00:06:46,031 --> 00:06:47,115 136 00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:51,995 That night, I thought about what it takes 137 00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:54,831 to make a relationship work till death do us part. 138 00:06:58,627 --> 00:07:01,379 Most singles have more long-term success with friends. 139 00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:04,382 So maybe it is a better strategy to marry a friend. 140 00:07:05,175 --> 00:07:09,220 However, in the absence of sex, whether that's the arrangement, 141 00:07:09,554 --> 00:07:11,598 or just what happens after a few years, 142 00:07:11,973 --> 00:07:15,518 what distinguishes this companion from your many other companions? 143 00:07:16,186 --> 00:07:18,188 When it comes to saying, "I do, " 144 00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:22,233 is a relationship a relationship without the zsa zsa zsu? 145 00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:26,613 Or in Samantha's case, 146 00:07:26,905 --> 00:07:30,200 how much is a woman due for surviving the zsa zsa zsu? 147 00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,744 This is Richard. You have 30 seconds. 148 00:07:32,827 --> 00:07:35,121 I've been thinking, our pathetic relationship 149 00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:38,124 is as close to marriage as either one of us ever hopes to get. 150 00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:41,002 So I feel I deserve some sort of settlement. 151 00:07:41,086 --> 00:07:43,838 Like, say, a weekend at your house in the Hamptons. 152 00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:45,966 You're not invited. I'll be having a party. 153 00:07:46,049 --> 00:07:47,550 You're not invited to that either. 154 00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:49,678 Oh, it's Samantha. Call me. 155 00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:52,055 156 00:07:55,392 --> 00:07:56,685 A couple of weeks later, 157 00:07:56,768 --> 00:07:59,938 another couple of exes were working out their summer share. 158 00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:01,314 Hi. 159 00:08:02,065 --> 00:08:03,525 -How you doing? -Hey. 160 00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:05,485 Me and Brady were just napping. 161 00:08:05,944 --> 00:08:08,363 I miss napping. 162 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:11,157 They look down on napping at work. 163 00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:15,203 Oh, it's so hot out. 164 00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:20,041 I was going to give him one more bottle before I left. 165 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:23,169 -I can do it. -I know, but I like it. 166 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:25,255 It used to be all breast. 167 00:08:25,714 --> 00:08:27,632 Now me and him, we got our bottle thing. 168 00:08:31,219 --> 00:08:32,387 Did Magda bring those? 169 00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:35,306 No, I did. 170 00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:37,183 Ma's garden in Queens. 171 00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:40,186 172 00:08:40,478 --> 00:08:42,397 Oh, lilacs. 173 00:08:43,565 --> 00:08:44,941 -Yeah. 174 00:08:47,068 --> 00:08:48,069 Good flowers. 175 00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:58,413 Miranda wasn't sure if it was the smell of the lilacs, 176 00:08:58,496 --> 00:08:59,789 the smell of the baby, 177 00:09:00,081 --> 00:09:01,791 or the smell of Steve's skin. 178 00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:03,126 But that afternoon, 179 00:09:03,418 --> 00:09:05,879 Steve went from ex to sex. 180 00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:09,299 I slept with Steve. 181 00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:12,260 Miranda admitted they were somewhere between friends and lovers, 182 00:09:12,343 --> 00:09:14,179 somewhere between Manhattan and the Hamptons. 183 00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:15,346 Ah! 184 00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:18,224 That's why you decided to participate in the charade. 185 00:09:18,308 --> 00:09:21,853 -You're fleeing. -I'm a fucking fugitive. Literally. 186 00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:24,898 -Perhaps it was the zsa zsa zsu. -No. It was an itch, 187 00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:27,817 which we shouldn't have scratched because now we're into a gray area. 188 00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:30,904 Not having sex was the only thing holding our relationship together. 189 00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:32,614 Well, you're fleeing to the right wedding. 190 00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:34,699 -I think that's the theme. -Seriously. 191 00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:39,496 You can't have a kid with someone and get along and have great sex 192 00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:41,206 without giving the wrong impression. 193 00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:43,208 That being what, that you're happy? 194 00:09:43,666 --> 00:09:44,793 Fabulous. 195 00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:47,754 Absolutely. 196 00:09:48,338 --> 00:09:50,090 Yeah, bring them along. 197 00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:52,801 I look forward to seeing you, too. 198 00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:56,888 This party is going to be amazing. Strictly A-list. 199 00:09:57,013 --> 00:09:58,723 -Are we still invited? - Yes. 200 00:09:58,807 --> 00:10:00,225 But shitty-pants there is not. 201 00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:03,186 I have to bring him. I won't be able to find a sitter. 202 00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:05,522 He's ruining my lunch. He's not ruining my party. 203 00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:06,731 No babies. 204 00:10:07,732 --> 00:10:09,901 Evidently, there's already a party pooper. 205 00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:12,028 Ketchup. 206 00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:18,785 207 00:10:23,248 --> 00:10:24,207 Oh! 208 00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:26,626 Carrie? 209 00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:28,920 Yeah. Hey. 210 00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:30,713 -Hi. -Jack. 211 00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,590 Berger. I know, I remember. 212 00:10:32,674 --> 00:10:35,385 Uh, what's going on here, are you... are you okay? 213 00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:38,012 Do I need to make a tourniquet out of a hot dog bun and a twig? 214 00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:40,348 No, it's just... 215 00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:41,808 -Ketchup. -Yeah. 216 00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:43,977 Oh, thanks. 217 00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:47,564 I didn't figure you for a motorcycle guy. 218 00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,149 Turns out I'm not. 219 00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:51,651 I bought it as a reaction to my break-up. 220 00:10:53,069 --> 00:10:54,696 It was exactly what I wanted. 221 00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:57,365 A Berger with a side of single. 222 00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:00,034 Well, you look good on it. 223 00:11:00,451 --> 00:11:03,496 No. I look good next to it. On it, I look like this. 224 00:11:04,038 --> 00:11:05,498 225 00:11:05,582 --> 00:11:07,792 In fact, I'm not even really hungry. I pulled over because... 226 00:11:08,209 --> 00:11:11,754 You know, a bug hit my visor and my hands are still shaking. 227 00:11:12,046 --> 00:11:13,381 So you're "uneasy rider." 228 00:11:13,631 --> 00:11:14,507 229 00:11:14,632 --> 00:11:16,509 230 00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:21,389 Well, if you make it to the Hamptons, 231 00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:24,309 my friend is having a party tomorrow afternoon. 232 00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:26,978 -It's at Richard Wright's house. -I heard about that. 233 00:11:27,061 --> 00:11:29,981 Yeah, that's quite a place. I pass it on the way to my house. 234 00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:32,483 All right. I'm going to get a soda. 235 00:11:32,567 --> 00:11:35,778 My throat's kind of dry from all the screaming inside my helmet. 236 00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:37,697 237 00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,826 -It's nice to see you. -Yeah, you too, Berger. 238 00:11:43,077 --> 00:11:44,454 Maybe I'll see you tomorrow. 239 00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:46,289 Yeah, If you don't, uh... 240 00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:48,666 Call the Highway Patrol. 241 00:11:49,417 --> 00:11:50,418 Okay. Yeah. 242 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:55,131 Definitely zsa zsa zsu. 243 00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:58,468 The next morning, Samantha prepared her borrowed beach house 244 00:11:58,551 --> 00:11:59,886 -for the big bash. - Oh, hello. 245 00:12:01,471 --> 00:12:03,848 I want half the tables set up near the house 246 00:12:03,932 --> 00:12:05,433 and the others near the pool. 247 00:12:05,516 --> 00:12:06,768 248 00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:08,269 Uh, ladies. 249 00:12:08,686 --> 00:12:12,190 -Um, Cassandra, did you bring my tote? -Uh, shit, where are my Merits? 250 00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:13,483 Ladies, excuse me. 251 00:12:14,025 --> 00:12:15,026 Hi. 252 00:12:15,109 --> 00:12:18,363 The wait staff is to change in the guest cottage, 253 00:12:18,446 --> 00:12:19,697 down near the entrance. 254 00:12:20,865 --> 00:12:22,367 Aren't you here to waitress? 255 00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:24,744 We go to restaurants. We don't work in them. 256 00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:26,537 -Where's Richard? -Richard? 257 00:12:26,871 --> 00:12:28,122 Well, Richard isn't here. 258 00:12:28,539 --> 00:12:30,124 I've got the house this weekend. 259 00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:31,292 260 00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,086 Excuse me. 261 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:36,047 Excuse me. Where are you going? 262 00:12:36,214 --> 00:12:38,341 Richard told us we could hang by the pool whenever. 263 00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:41,052 Well, you can't pool-hang today. 264 00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:43,054 I'm having a party at 3:00. 265 00:12:43,137 --> 00:12:44,847 Oh, we'll be fried by then. 266 00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:47,267 I have no cell reception at all. 267 00:12:48,184 --> 00:12:50,395 268 00:12:54,023 --> 00:12:56,192 269 00:12:59,946 --> 00:13:00,947 Hey. 270 00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:05,326 Miranda brought the kid. Don't say anything. 271 00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:09,622 I know you didn't want any babies, but he's wearing Ralph Lauren, 272 00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:11,958 and I stuck a cork up his ass, so it ought to be okay. 273 00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:13,918 This is supposed to be an A-list party. 274 00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:16,796 Then who's the Double-D list by the pool? 275 00:13:20,341 --> 00:13:21,801 Ugh. They won't leave. 276 00:13:22,093 --> 00:13:24,595 They say Richard lets them hang out here on weekends. 277 00:13:24,846 --> 00:13:26,264 Fucking freeloaders. 278 00:13:26,389 --> 00:13:29,767 -People in glass houses. -I am not freeloading. 279 00:13:29,851 --> 00:13:31,436 I went through a lot with Richard. 280 00:13:31,686 --> 00:13:34,105 And people should be rewarded for not getting married as well. 281 00:13:34,522 --> 00:13:36,441 Frankly, I don't know why you broke up with him. 282 00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:39,902 What's a little lying and cheating compared to a pool with a little cabana? 283 00:13:40,445 --> 00:13:43,489 Uh, did you say "no babies" or "no boobies"? 284 00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:47,577 285 00:13:48,077 --> 00:13:49,120 -Lady? -Yeah. 286 00:13:49,203 --> 00:13:50,204 And Brady? 287 00:13:55,626 --> 00:13:57,211 That is so inappropriate. 288 00:13:57,628 --> 00:14:00,214 -Greetings from Silicon Valley. -Shh! 289 00:14:00,298 --> 00:14:01,341 People can hear you. 290 00:14:01,424 --> 00:14:03,551 What, like everyone here can't see those tits are fake? 291 00:14:03,634 --> 00:14:05,636 People as far as Quad can see those tits are fake. 292 00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:07,096 Would you stop saying "tits"? 293 00:14:08,598 --> 00:14:10,933 Why are you wearing that shirt? Tropical shirts are out. 294 00:14:11,017 --> 00:14:12,435 This is not tropical. 295 00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:15,646 -It's Tiki. -Well, please Tiki it off. 296 00:14:15,730 --> 00:14:17,440 Ooh, I thought you'd never ask. 297 00:14:22,737 --> 00:14:25,156 Oh, my God! Your back! 298 00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:27,617 You must've had a bad reaction to the waxing. 299 00:14:27,742 --> 00:14:29,327 Oh, yeah, I thought it felt a little itchy. 300 00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:30,953 -Ew. -Suddenly, a little hair 301 00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:32,372 isn't looking so bad, huh? 302 00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:38,878 Carrie, woman to woman, the sex is amazing. 303 00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:41,297 I've never had a man make me feel this way. 304 00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:44,926 Oh, why! Hush, Miss Scarlett. How you do go on. 305 00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:52,725 - Hey. - Hey. 306 00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:56,437 Well, who ordered the Adonis? 307 00:14:57,313 --> 00:14:59,649 Bobby, Bitsy, this is my boyfriend Marcus. 308 00:14:59,774 --> 00:15:02,860 For God's sake, man. Get yourself to a gym once in a while. 309 00:15:02,944 --> 00:15:05,530 Look at that body. It's disgusting! 310 00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:07,281 Wow! 311 00:15:07,365 --> 00:15:09,742 I could grate cheese on your abs. 312 00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:14,497 Oh! Oh! One large pizza and hold the salami. 313 00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:16,082 - Oh! 314 00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:18,793 Please, put a shirt on before I marry you. 315 00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:24,507 Oh, no! I haven't touched a carbohydrate in three months. 316 00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:27,510 -I've got to fit into that dress. -Honey, please eat something. 317 00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:29,387 Would you look at her? She's itsy-Bitsy. 318 00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:30,972 Bobby... 319 00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:33,599 Oh, Bobby, I see the Talcotts. We've got to say hello. 320 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,560 -See you all tomorrow. -Okay. 321 00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:36,936 -Bye. -Bye, Bobby. 322 00:15:41,023 --> 00:15:42,024 Ow! 323 00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:47,196 I swear and I'm totally serious, I almost fainted 324 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:51,159 when he mimed grated cheese on Marcus. 325 00:15:51,242 --> 00:15:53,870 It is so obvious that he wanted him. 326 00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:54,996 Try to keep up. 327 00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:57,623 Bobby... is straight. 328 00:15:57,915 --> 00:15:59,625 -Oh, right. -What is she doing? 329 00:16:00,376 --> 00:16:01,669 Maybe he just makes her laugh. 330 00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:07,842 Can't you wait till we sit down to eat? 331 00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,719 -It's so crass. -Question. 332 00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:12,472 Is there anything about me today that doesn't bug you? 333 00:16:12,555 --> 00:16:14,765 Well, people are trying to eat. You should have your shirt on. 334 00:16:14,849 --> 00:16:17,185 -Mmm. -And you have sauce on your face. 335 00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:20,563 Now so do you. 336 00:16:22,732 --> 00:16:25,526 Why did she need to tell me the sex was amazing? 337 00:16:25,860 --> 00:16:27,320 Because it is amazing. 338 00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:30,698 She's amazed he's able to get hard without another penis in the room. 339 00:16:31,407 --> 00:16:32,575 And speaking of dicks, 340 00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:36,120 do you think Richard slept with any of those cocoa-butter bitches? 341 00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:39,290 No! I'm sure they're just good friends. 342 00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:42,001 Berger. 343 00:16:43,044 --> 00:16:44,629 -Oh, God! How do I look? -You look great. 344 00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:46,839 -Oh, Jesus! Where's a mirror? -Oh, here. 345 00:16:48,799 --> 00:16:50,384 -Ta-da. -Oh, great. 346 00:16:51,928 --> 00:16:53,179 All right, put it down. It's okay. 347 00:16:53,262 --> 00:16:54,472 Thanks for having a party. 348 00:16:58,559 --> 00:16:59,602 How long have you had a house here? 349 00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:00,520 Three years. 350 00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:03,439 Moments later, among the butterflies, 351 00:17:03,981 --> 00:17:05,191 I felt butterflies. 352 00:17:05,733 --> 00:17:06,984 There's a really nice garden. 353 00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:08,819 -So, you garden? -No. 354 00:17:08,903 --> 00:17:10,238 No, I have been known to hoe. 355 00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:14,617 But my ex actually planted the garden so we could enjoy fresh summer salads. 356 00:17:15,743 --> 00:17:18,538 Uh, we didn't quite make it to the summer, so, uh... 357 00:17:18,913 --> 00:17:20,790 It's more fresh pain than fresh vegetables. 358 00:17:21,749 --> 00:17:23,584 Yeah, I can't really go out there. 359 00:17:23,668 --> 00:17:25,836 Yeah, I know how you feel. When I broke up with my ex, 360 00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:27,296 I couldn't bring myself 361 00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:30,007 to go within six blocks of his furniture store. 362 00:17:30,091 --> 00:17:31,175 When did you two break up? 363 00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:34,971 Uh... last year for the second time. We broke up the first time 364 00:17:35,513 --> 00:17:36,722 the year before that. 365 00:17:36,806 --> 00:17:39,183 Oh, you broke up twice. Way to go. 366 00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:42,144 Yeah, well, we hadn't sufficiently hurt each other enough 367 00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:43,271 the first time round. 368 00:17:43,354 --> 00:17:45,481 But we definitely took care of business this time, 369 00:17:45,606 --> 00:17:47,275 because this time, he moved in. 370 00:17:47,358 --> 00:17:50,361 So we had the merging of the things... 371 00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:52,196 -Right. -And the dividing of the things, 372 00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:55,199 and the things that are left behind that you don't wanna give back 373 00:17:55,283 --> 00:17:56,617 because that seems mean. 374 00:17:57,034 --> 00:18:00,037 And you don't want to throw them away because it's all you have left. 375 00:18:00,121 --> 00:18:01,747 And it just gets harder as we get older 376 00:18:01,872 --> 00:18:05,001 because we're not dating wildly inappropriate people anymore. 377 00:18:05,126 --> 00:18:07,461 You know, there's... There's no, "Phew! Glad that's over." 378 00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:09,005 Right. Right. 379 00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:11,674 And after every break-up, I tell myself, "I'm never doing this again." 380 00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:14,176 It's too hard. I mean, how many of these things 381 00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:16,178 can one person survive? 382 00:18:17,388 --> 00:18:19,181 You know, they should institute 383 00:18:19,515 --> 00:18:21,934 -a helmet law for relationships. -Right. That's... 384 00:18:22,018 --> 00:18:24,437 -That's excellently put. -Well, thank you. 385 00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:31,527 Well, I should get going. Uh... 386 00:18:32,153 --> 00:18:33,195 It's going to take me 387 00:18:33,696 --> 00:18:36,032 six hours to drive the two miles home, so... 388 00:18:36,365 --> 00:18:37,658 -Oh. -Yeah. 389 00:18:38,868 --> 00:18:39,827 Oh. 390 00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,038 -My jacket. -My purse. 391 00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:43,539 Sorry. 392 00:18:45,916 --> 00:18:49,128 -Oh, I hope there aren't grass stains. -No, no. It's old. 393 00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:53,215 -Okay, bye. -Bye. 394 00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:55,760 The man could not get away from me fast enough. 395 00:18:56,510 --> 00:18:59,430 Apparently, it's a short road from comisery to misery. 396 00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:01,015 397 00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:03,517 Oh! Oh! Oh, are you okay? 398 00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:07,021 Yeah, okay. 399 00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:22,495 Perfect! Everything's going out right on time. 400 00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:25,164 Um, there's no Tab in here. 401 00:19:25,289 --> 00:19:28,376 -What are you doing in my refrigerator? -It's Richard's refrigerator. 402 00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:30,044 I stocked it. 403 00:19:30,711 --> 00:19:32,421 Did you see any Rice Krispie treats? 404 00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:34,715 Richard usually leaves those around for us. 405 00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:35,925 No, I didn't. 406 00:19:36,467 --> 00:19:38,594 And those lemons are for the drinks. 407 00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:41,389 -Drinks I paid for. -Whatever. 408 00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:43,307 And I also paid for the food. 409 00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:45,017 In fact, the only thing at this party 410 00:19:45,101 --> 00:19:48,020 that you two actually paid for are your breasts! 411 00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:50,272 Jealous? 412 00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:53,109 Oh, yes. I'm jealous. 413 00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:55,986 I'm just dying to look like... 414 00:19:56,278 --> 00:19:57,363 this. 415 00:19:57,446 --> 00:20:00,324 Well, maybe if you did, you'd be out here with Richard. 416 00:20:01,075 --> 00:20:03,285 -Snap! 417 00:20:14,505 --> 00:20:15,589 What, are you crazy? 418 00:20:17,508 --> 00:20:20,261 Evidently, people who borrow glass houses 419 00:20:20,344 --> 00:20:21,804 shouldn't throw cantaloupes. 420 00:20:23,264 --> 00:20:26,183 The next morning, while Stanford and Marcus had Brady, 421 00:20:26,308 --> 00:20:28,144 Miranda and I had brunch. 422 00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:29,395 How about these muffins? 423 00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:31,021 How about these eggs? 424 00:20:31,105 --> 00:20:33,315 -How about these napkins? -How about these plates? 425 00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:34,608 How about we marry gay guys? 426 00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:36,902 How about maybe now I won't have a choice? 427 00:20:37,445 --> 00:20:38,446 Was it really that bad? 428 00:20:38,696 --> 00:20:39,697 Bye-bye, Berger. 429 00:20:40,197 --> 00:20:41,323 One minute we were laughing, 430 00:20:41,657 --> 00:20:43,576 the next minute, he had to get away from me so fast, 431 00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:46,370 he left skid marks. Seriously. I can show them to you. 432 00:20:46,829 --> 00:20:47,830 Jam, please. 433 00:20:50,207 --> 00:20:53,085 I know what I did. I revealed too much, too soon. 434 00:20:53,544 --> 00:20:55,337 I was emotionally slutty. 435 00:20:55,421 --> 00:20:57,006 -That's not like you. -It wasn't me. 436 00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:59,508 It was the zsa zsa zsu. It makes me crazy. 437 00:20:59,967 --> 00:21:02,511 Bitsy Von Muffling-Fine may have the right idea. 438 00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:05,765 Maybe we should stop looking for a great relationship 439 00:21:06,432 --> 00:21:08,225 and settle for a fine one. 440 00:21:09,852 --> 00:21:12,730 I'd marry Steve in a second if he were gay. Ugh. 441 00:21:13,397 --> 00:21:14,690 Everything would be so easy. 442 00:21:14,774 --> 00:21:17,693 So, a gay area is better than a gray area? 443 00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:20,404 Oh, yeah. More coffee. You want some? 444 00:21:22,656 --> 00:21:25,034 - Great coffee. -Tell me something I don't know. 445 00:21:29,747 --> 00:21:31,791 -What? -You did it, Stany. 446 00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:34,627 Great man, great house... 447 00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:36,504 Great relationship. 448 00:21:36,879 --> 00:21:40,049 We've all been looking and you actually found it. 449 00:21:40,841 --> 00:21:42,176 Marcus and I haven't had sex 450 00:21:42,259 --> 00:21:44,136 since we bought the Cynthia Rowley china. 451 00:21:45,346 --> 00:21:47,723 Thank God! I am so relieved. 452 00:21:48,516 --> 00:21:49,600 Bitsy Von Muffling, 453 00:21:50,017 --> 00:21:51,268 the first time I saw you, 454 00:21:52,061 --> 00:21:53,062 I fell in love. 455 00:21:53,646 --> 00:21:56,190 You walked in wearing that red vintage Dior... 456 00:21:56,941 --> 00:21:58,359 Pink elephant in the room. 457 00:21:59,360 --> 00:22:01,445 Do you mind? I am listening to the bride and... 458 00:22:01,946 --> 00:22:02,863 bride. 459 00:22:04,073 --> 00:22:05,616 My dear Bobby Fine... 460 00:22:06,367 --> 00:22:09,286 Something tells me Bitsy isn't doing Fine. 461 00:22:09,995 --> 00:22:13,249 And that's the little piece of information she's been Von Muffling. 462 00:22:14,375 --> 00:22:15,751 You are there for me in the morning 463 00:22:16,460 --> 00:22:17,753 and there for me at night. 464 00:22:18,629 --> 00:22:19,672 There in the good, 465 00:22:20,339 --> 00:22:21,340 there in the bad. 466 00:22:22,508 --> 00:22:23,759 There in my thoughts, 467 00:22:24,552 --> 00:22:25,761 there in my dreams. 468 00:22:27,137 --> 00:22:28,514 But most of all, my darling, 469 00:22:29,223 --> 00:22:31,058 you are there in my heart... 470 00:22:32,101 --> 00:22:33,102 forever. 471 00:22:33,561 --> 00:22:35,521 Perhaps we were all much too cynical. 472 00:22:36,272 --> 00:22:38,274 Perhaps, somehow, despite the odds, 473 00:22:38,816 --> 00:22:41,193 Bobby and Bitsy had found something real. 474 00:22:41,277 --> 00:22:43,737 I now pronounce you husband and wife. 475 00:22:44,572 --> 00:22:45,573 You may kiss the bride. 476 00:22:50,494 --> 00:22:52,037 Ah! Ooh! 477 00:22:52,538 --> 00:22:54,790 One more time for the cheap seats at the back. 478 00:22:54,999 --> 00:22:56,083 479 00:23:04,466 --> 00:23:07,094 480 00:23:21,734 --> 00:23:24,570 Looks like somebody over here is about to dance. 481 00:23:26,155 --> 00:23:27,323 482 00:23:27,990 --> 00:23:30,284 I think you may have sold this one a little short. 483 00:23:30,451 --> 00:23:31,327 Me, too. 484 00:23:32,077 --> 00:23:35,205 With a little time and the right astringents, 485 00:23:35,664 --> 00:23:36,582 who knows? 486 00:23:37,082 --> 00:23:39,543 There's nothing on my face, nothing in my teeth. 487 00:23:39,877 --> 00:23:41,712 I'm sure you'll hate my moves on the dance floor, 488 00:23:41,795 --> 00:23:44,089 but that is the risk that every man must take. 489 00:23:48,260 --> 00:23:49,803 What a beautiful night. 490 00:23:51,013 --> 00:23:53,641 It's too bad I blew my only chance at a boyfriend this year. 491 00:23:55,142 --> 00:23:56,435 You want to hold my boyfriend? 492 00:23:56,727 --> 00:23:59,605 Ah, I think I'm gonna drown my sorrows 493 00:23:59,688 --> 00:24:00,981 in another piece of cake. 494 00:24:02,149 --> 00:24:04,485 And if anybody asks, I had two, 495 00:24:05,152 --> 00:24:06,195 not three. 496 00:24:16,830 --> 00:24:17,998 Do you smell that, Brady? 497 00:24:18,791 --> 00:24:19,833 It's lilac. 498 00:24:24,254 --> 00:24:28,050 Should we call Daddy and tell him we miss him? Huh? 499 00:24:29,009 --> 00:24:30,886 500 00:24:34,306 --> 00:24:37,726 Hey, it's me, Steve. I'm not here. Leave a message. 501 00:24:41,230 --> 00:24:42,731 502 00:24:51,323 --> 00:24:52,324 Yeah. 503 00:25:00,582 --> 00:25:01,750 Do you believe this wedding? 504 00:25:05,129 --> 00:25:06,714 Funny where life has taken us, huh? 505 00:25:07,381 --> 00:25:09,925 I remember when we went to these things just for the free food. 506 00:25:10,426 --> 00:25:11,844 I have dinner rolls in my purse. 507 00:25:12,636 --> 00:25:13,595 508 00:25:15,264 --> 00:25:16,265 There's my song. 509 00:25:19,351 --> 00:25:20,352 And there's my girl. 510 00:25:23,439 --> 00:25:24,440 Whom I love. 511 00:25:26,066 --> 00:25:27,901 In case you had any money riding on it. 512 00:25:28,652 --> 00:25:29,653 Not a penny. 513 00:25:29,987 --> 00:25:31,947 514 00:25:32,239 --> 00:25:36,243 Is that all there is 515 00:25:36,618 --> 00:25:40,873 If that's all there is, my friends 516 00:25:41,290 --> 00:25:43,709 Then let's keep dancing... 517 00:25:43,792 --> 00:25:44,793 Look out. 518 00:25:45,044 --> 00:25:47,504 She's got a piece of fruit, and she's not afraid to throw it. 519 00:25:48,130 --> 00:25:49,506 Can we not talk about that? 520 00:25:49,882 --> 00:25:52,217 Okay. But we'll be the only ones here. 521 00:25:54,136 --> 00:25:57,890 Look, I'm just glad Brady wasn't the biggest baby at the party. 522 00:25:58,015 --> 00:26:00,851 I guess I went a little crazy, being at Richard's house. 523 00:26:01,143 --> 00:26:03,479 Around his party-crashing pussy posse. 524 00:26:05,105 --> 00:26:07,149 What do you call zsa zsa zsu gone bad? 525 00:26:08,567 --> 00:26:09,860 Zsa zsa ew. 526 00:26:18,535 --> 00:26:22,372 Then I fell in love with The most wonderful boy in the world 527 00:26:22,748 --> 00:26:26,668 -Bitsy, honey, everything was perfect. -It was. 528 00:26:26,752 --> 00:26:27,961 Oh, except for the dessert. 529 00:26:28,045 --> 00:26:30,672 The top layer of the crème brûlée just wasn't hard enough. 530 00:26:31,882 --> 00:26:33,884 Yeah, that's the problem with this wedding. 531 00:26:33,967 --> 00:26:35,969 The crème brûlée isn't hard enough. 532 00:26:36,053 --> 00:26:37,179 And then one day 533 00:26:37,888 --> 00:26:42,184 He went away and I thought I would die But I didn't 534 00:26:42,935 --> 00:26:45,896 And when I didn't, I said to myself 535 00:26:46,522 --> 00:26:48,524 Is that all there is to love? 536 00:26:48,982 --> 00:26:53,195 I'm not technically crashing. I was having lunch in town today, 537 00:26:53,278 --> 00:26:55,197 and for some reason, the groom invited me. 538 00:26:55,739 --> 00:26:59,076 Is that all there is... 539 00:26:59,159 --> 00:27:00,160 Shall we? 540 00:27:01,245 --> 00:27:02,204 Sure. 541 00:27:02,287 --> 00:27:03,705 If that's all there is, my friends 542 00:27:04,248 --> 00:27:06,959 Then let's keep dancing... 543 00:27:07,042 --> 00:27:07,960 Harry. 544 00:27:08,460 --> 00:27:10,587 What? Now you want me to wax my eyebrows? 545 00:27:11,213 --> 00:27:13,048 I think I may be falling in love with you. 546 00:27:13,632 --> 00:27:16,093 I've been falling for you since the moment we met. 547 00:27:18,137 --> 00:27:19,680 -But I never thought-- -What? 548 00:27:20,097 --> 00:27:22,307 Come on, you could have any blue-blooded guy here. 549 00:27:22,975 --> 00:27:24,601 -I'm-- -You're wonderful. 550 00:27:25,853 --> 00:27:26,854 And Jewish. 551 00:27:28,105 --> 00:27:30,941 -So? -So, where can this go? 552 00:27:31,942 --> 00:27:32,943 I don't know. 553 00:27:34,403 --> 00:27:36,488 -Let's find out. -Charlotte. 554 00:27:38,407 --> 00:27:39,867 I have to marry a Jew. 555 00:27:41,952 --> 00:27:45,330 She can marry a gay guy and you can't marry an Episcopalian? 556 00:27:48,834 --> 00:27:49,877 What do we do now? 557 00:27:50,878 --> 00:27:51,753 I don't know. 558 00:27:52,754 --> 00:27:53,755 Dance? 559 00:27:55,007 --> 00:27:57,885 Apparently, Charlotte had a zsa zsa Jew. 560 00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:05,642 You're awful quiet. 561 00:28:06,268 --> 00:28:08,478 -And I intend to stay that way. -No. 562 00:28:08,937 --> 00:28:10,022 You were fine. 563 00:28:10,981 --> 00:28:13,442 I just wasn't sure if I was up for all that again. 564 00:28:15,152 --> 00:28:16,195 Then I thought... 565 00:28:16,904 --> 00:28:18,238 Then you thought what? 566 00:28:19,823 --> 00:28:22,326 Maybe we should go out on a date before we break up. 567 00:28:22,743 --> 00:28:25,329 568 00:28:34,713 --> 00:28:36,465 When it comes to relationships, 569 00:28:36,798 --> 00:28:39,676 maybe we're all in glass houses and shouldn't throw stones. 570 00:28:40,385 --> 00:28:42,221 Because you can never really know. 571 00:28:44,097 --> 00:28:45,599 Some people are settling down. 572 00:28:46,975 --> 00:28:48,352 Some people are settling. 573 00:28:49,394 --> 00:28:51,563 And some people refuse to settle 574 00:28:52,022 --> 00:28:53,023 for anything less... 575 00:28:55,442 --> 00:28:56,443 than butterflies. 576 00:29:06,286 --> 00:29:08,288 40786

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