All language subtitles for These Foolish Things 2006 1080p NF WEB-DL AAC2 0 H 264-GPRS

[gloomy music plays]

[classical music plays]

[knocks on door]

Two minutes, Miss Evans.

[dress rustles]

You almost fainted in the matinee.

You've had that headache for three days.
And that child should be in bed.

[Lily] Diana can watch for ten minutes.

That wouldn't do any harm,
now, would it, Abbie?

[Abbie]
Oh, you have your way far too often.

[audience applauding]

-[audience gasps]
-[stage manager] Quick, curtain!

[wooden sword thudding]

[Rev. Bannock] The theatrical goings on
have caused this family enough trauma.

-As if Lily's death wasn't bad enough.
-[Garstin] Die, mighty bosch!

Garstin, do be quiet. Diana might hear.

So what if she does?

All she has to remember her father by
is his hats and boots.

Lucky her.

[Douglas] You were a useless Juliet,
Garstin.

[Rev. Bannock] Douglas, you've caused
quite enough trouble.

[Douglas] I didn't think you'd take
our performance quite so seriously, Diana.

You're supposed to pretend.
Don't you know anything about real acting?

Diana only wants to go on a stage
because her mother was a stupid actress.

Garstin, that's quite enough!

The life of the theatre is as unnatural
as it is unholy.

Father says that Lily Evan's talent
and beauty took his breath away.

There's nothing to suggest
that Diana has inherited

any of her mother's attributes.

[whispers] Douglas, really?

Well, back row of chorus isn't exactly
much of a career.

Is it, Diana?

-Boys!
-[classical music plays]

[Diana] Dearest Uncle, you and Auntie Em
have been so kind.

I'm sorry to have to leave like this.

I know mother would have understood
what acting means to me.

I hope you forgive me.

[Garstin] Well, well�

we are eager
to join our stenography classes.

Mind your own damn business, Garstin!

Pater paid a king's ransom
for that course.

You know, he's absolutely forbidden
this acting lark.

What are you proposing to live on?

You could always hock
that brooch of your mother's, I suppose.

I'd rather starve.

Aunt Ada's paid my first term
at Lady Benson's in advance.

And I'm going to get a part straight away.

Lady Benson's.

[scoffs]

London's houses of ill-repute
are bursting with girls

from third-rate drama schools.

If you are so special,
why aren't you going to RADA?

Oh, Diana�

if you do get stuck, go to this address.

My favourite madam will help you.

In return for the use
of your limited talents.

-[thuds, cracks]
-[cheerful music plays]

[door closes]

# This will make you whistle #

# Bound to make you whistle #

# Swing your little jingle
That gives you a tingle #

# It's bound to make you whistle
All the time #

-Tavistock Hotel, please.
-# This will make you happy #

# Really make you happy #

Does the cost of the room
include breakfast?

It does.

Do you think I might have it now,
with a little soup, perhaps?

I'm sure that can be arranged, miss.

Now, you've done it,
you complete and utter idiot.

[girl] Stanislavsky? How utterly gauche.

It isn't the Bible, you know?

-You'll learn that after your first term.
-This is your second, I take it.

Third, actually. Daddy keeps paying,
and I keep pretending to learn something.

-Have you got your rooms yet?
-No.

Oh, you have had it then.

You needed to be here at 8:30
in order to get on to the rooms list.

[door creaks, opens]

Sit.

Those of you who think you know anything
at all about dramatic art,

may as well leave now.

I am Miss Griffin,

and I will teach you how to walk, talk,
sit, move, place your voice.

Every gesture is of the utmost importance.

Articulate with distinction.

Never mumble.
Mumblers will be out after a week.

Now, I am sure you will join me
in welcoming our new girls,

especially, the friends
of our lady scholarship girl,

Dolly Nightingale.

-Griffin by name and nature.
-[chuckling]

Miss Nightingale and her chatty friend
will demonstrate deportment.

Books on heads.

-Sorry.
-[whispers] It's alright.

[classical music plays]

Too old, sorry.
Leave your name at the door.

[music continues]

"Well, in truth,
I'm quite unversed, love."

Too young. Leave your name at the door.
Next.

Don't try again
if you know what's good for you.

Mr Beaumont don't see anyone
without a bloody appointment.

Wait a minute, you ain't one of them
Piccadilly boys,

who hangs around after dark.

No, I am not.

-Can I give my card?
-Don't be daft! Now, hop it!

-[thuds]
-Oh, I'm sorry.

What on earth did you think
you were doing?

You could've broken my neck.

[sighs]

[sobs]

Bad day, was it?

[sobs] Um, not really.

It's just all caught up with me,
that's all.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so rude.
I've had a foul day, too.

Maybe we should go and drown our sorrows.

We haven't even been introduced.

Robin Gardner. Where shall we go?

Diana Shaw.

For supper, perhaps?

-[Robin] So what brought you to theatre?
-I was trying to get into the auditions.

Are you an actor?

Good God, no. I'm a writer.

Well, trying to be a playwright.

That must take real dedication
to write a play.

I've hawked the wretched thing about
for months. Without a name, you're sunk.

So why are you dragging
the kitchen sink around?

Oh, I just come up from the country.

I'd never have guessed.

Uh, I spent last night at the Tavistok.

It's the only decent hotel
I could think of.

My Aunt Ada always stays there
when she's in town.

Lucky her.

Another night there, and I couldn't afford
to eat for a week.

And all the rooms at the academy
have been snapped up.

Look. Don't think I have
any ulterior motive or anything,

but there is some spare room
at my boarding house.

Well, at least, there was this morning.

[waitress] There's one born every minute.

[Robin] I just hope my sainted landlady
hasn't taken in another starving hopeful.

Is that what I am, a starving hopeful?

Well, if you are not,
it's a very good piece of acting.

[cheerful music plays]

-[Douglas] Will they do? Hmm.
-Naturally, you look ravishing.

So what barefaced lie are we telling
my fellow scribes at this bash tonight?

-That I've conquered Broadway, of course.
-In your dreams, at least.

You must think of something fabulous
to write about me.

[Garstin] Look, my editor's not
a complete ass, you know.

He does check up on my by-lines.

[Garstin] Oh, a dash of peppery relish
never did anyone any harm.

A leading role's the surest way
to bed half of Mayfair.

[whispers] And which particular half
are we talking about?

[thuds]

-Be careful with those wretched pins.
-[door opens, closes]

[cheerful music plays]

-Well, come on up, dear.
-Thank you.

-Oh, well, you look chilled to the bone.
-[door closes]

-[door opens]
-[Abernethy] Right, here we are then.

Oh, I hope you don't find anything nasty
in the drawers.

Well, I'll leave you to it then, dear.

# Who cares, who cares, who dreams #

# Who dares, the world is wrong today #

# Young men forget to smile #

# Money rules them, stardust, moonbeams #

-[Diana] See the tall girl?
-[Dolly] Which one?

-[giggling]
-# �dune dreams #

# A poet's song to please a child #

# And all the while #

# Life just fools them
But let's forget the day #

# Life is meant to play #

# Drown your sorrow
While you've got the chance #

# Hide away your sin
'Neath the painted wing #

# Hear them calling on with the dance #

-Legend tells of rich widows
-# On with the dance #

in the penthouse who lounge
on day-beds, lining up�

# If your heart is breaking #

# There isn't any soul
In all the world who cares #

[Meadowsweet] Try again next week,
and keep your chin up. Thank you.

Next!

Come in.

I'm sorry.

Please, sir, there must be something.

Well, I can get you seen as a high kicker.
You got pretty good legs, you know.

But if you get stuck in the back row,
you'll never get out.

And that would be a waste of talent.

Do you really think I have talent.

Hmm, to a certain eye, I say what I see.

Of course, talent is no substitute
for experience.

That's why I'll take anything.

We heard they need a hysterical maid
at His Majesty's.

Filled it yesterday
with one of my artistes.

You're persistent, though.
I'll give you that.

Persistence won't pay the rent.

Well, now, let's have a look. Um�

Hortensio, definitely not.

A woman of ill repute?

Not even with a bucket of rouge,
you're just too virginal.

Never mind. Try again next week.

And keep your chin up.
Something's sure to turn up.

[thuds]

Thank you.

We'll see you soon. Next.

Come on.

Come on.

[door creaks, closes]

Are you sure you don't mind he put me up
for the part of a woman with ill repute?

-Don't be silly. You look the part.
-[both chuckle]

Alright, "Miss Nineteen
and Never Been Kissed."

Oh, I know he's leading up to it.
He's just shy that's all.

[scoffs] Lucky you,
my bloke won't leave me alone.

Bloody hands everywhere.

[Diana] I'd love to feel the heat
of a man's passion.

-[Dolly shushes]
-[Diana chuckles]

Be careful what you wish for
for gods might be listening.

[cheerful music plays]

[door opens, closes]

-Any luck?
-[Diana] Yes, actually.

Meadowsweet thinks I'll be
the next big thing in ten years from now.

I promise, things will look up.
You'll see.

I'm two weeks behind with the rent.
I don't need a part, I need a miracle.

[Abernethy]
Oh, [chuckles] here we are, dears.

-I didn't have much luck, I'm afraid.
-[Abernethy] Oh.

I won't be standing in the hallway

with my hand out for another week
at least.

Oh, you are an angel.

[Garstin] Well, well, this is cosy.

Ah, tea, Capital, I'm starved.

Robin, this reptile is my cousin Garstin.

It was good of you to inform us
that you haven't been kidnapped

and packed off to the Argentine.

So, this is the Sainted Gardner.

Keeping an eye on her, eh?

I'm managing perfectly by myself,
thank you.

I hear you're a scribe.
Had anything produced yet?

One play. I'm just finishing another.

Have you, um, knocked about yet?
Met anybody important?

[grunts] We go out some evenings
to, uh, a gallery or a film.

But have you been to the Running Horse,
or the Ivy,

or the Bunch of Grapes.

You need to be seen
to make the big noises.

We haven't got the money
to go gadding about.

What sort of jam is there?

-Blackcurrant.
-Mm.

Oh, my least favourite.

Oh!

This came for you.

It's from our globe-trotting aunt.

Oh, Aunt Ada, you utter darling.
She sent me 20 pounds.

Aren't you lucky?

I wish I could conjure up
a fairy godmother.

[chuckles]

I don't know any godmothers,
but I could lay on a few fairies.

There's a do on tomorrow night.

You two can tag along.

Thank God, it isn't another white evening.

What is that exactly?

Everyone wears white, silly.

So what is the dress code?

Oh, distinctly formal.

Don't go letting the side down.

Toodle-oo.

[knocks on door]

Oh, heavens, what are you doing, child?

This dress is so hideous.
I thought a little mutilation might help.

Oh, stand up.

Oh, yes, I see.

Well, I'll see what I can do.
You run along and have your bath.

[Brughoffer] We Viennese Jews view
the matter quite differently.

The Nazis are no joking matter.

Well, I think all this war talk
is a lot of hot air.

Churchill's scaremongering.

Chamberlain says it'll come to nothing.
I'm with him.

-[clinks]
-Chin-chin.

[man on radio] The German announcer
who read out these proposals

concluded by saying the Fuhrer
and the German government

have waited for two days in vain
for a reply to these proposals.

And therefore regard these proposals
as practically rejected.

I thought I heard
the pestiferous stinkadore backfiring.

You said I could have a go on it.

When you've demonstrated the ability
to stick to straight and narrow, perhaps.

And spoil the habit of a lifetime?
You are evil bringing absinthe.

-What are we celebrating?
-[bottle thuds]

Absolutely nothing.
The bank's decidedly hostile.

Well, don't look at me for a loan.
I'm as poor as the proverbial rodent.

Any tedious society beans to spill?

[Garstin] Not a squeak.
We may have some support later.

I've invited some fresh meat.

I'm going to kill Garstin
with my bare hands.

You look ravishing. Leave this to me.

Well, well, you two have gone
over the top.

I said it was supper attire, didn't I?

-We're going on somewhere actually.
-And where might that be?

-The foundling's ball?
-Diana.

[chuckles] Love your ensemble.

-[Diana] Douglas.
-Where are the glass slippers?

And who might this be, prince charming?

-Rack of lamb.
-[chuckles]

This is Robin Gardner.
Robin, this is Douglas Middleton,

-matinee idol extraordinaire.
-[Robin] Middleton.

So you're an actor?

Douglas is flushed with success
from America.

God's Stepchildren was positively huge.

There were girls outside stage door
every night.

They actually tore my buttons off.

Poor misguided creatures.

You'd love Broadway, Robin.
It buzzes like a hornet's nest. [chuckles]

So Diana, are you about to dazzle us
in anything?

Good parts are hard to come by.

Not for those us with talent.

I am unforgivable.

You are, Flossie, serving up cheap gin.

Welcome.
I can't imagine what's keeping Baker.

I sent him out for oysters hours ago.

[women laughing]

[Everard] Father sent him up to spy on me.

[song plays on music player]
# She always told me not to care #

# She said it's naughty too� #

Feel like a prawn, sir?

[Robin] How did you guess?

[Everard] I only got to the Gay Debauch
once last week.

The costumes are virtually non-existent,
it's thrilling.

It won't be so thrilling
if you get yourself arrested.

Robin, dear boy.

All work and no play makes one
a very dull boy, don't you think?

All I ever do is work,
I must be ditch water.

Hmm. I wouldn't say that.

Baker, some Ravel.

I have moments of real inspiration
while listening to the "Bolero."

Only yesterday, I came up
with the first line to a poem.

"The moon hung,
a pregnant belly in the sky."

Drinks, everyone?

This maybe more to your liking.

[Garstin]
I'd stick to the girl stuff if I were you.

I doubt you have the stomach
for Green Fairies.

So you're a playwright.

You should have me see some
of your outpourings.

I'm looking for something fresh.

[Robin] I might just do that.

[cheerful music plays]

[indistinct chattering]

[song on player]
# From the top of your head #

# To the tip of your toes #

# You're beautiful #

# Yes, and baby, what's more
Life is heavenly in your caress #

# From the top of your head
To the tip of your toes #

# You're wonderful #

# You're the hit of the show
You're the cameo of loveliness #

[Douglas] Whoops a daisy.

Ah, Lovell, give me a hand,
there's a good chap.

Christ, he's out cold. We'd better
get him off this penguin suit.

Ah, I'll do that. Why don't you go
and find something to bring him around.

[eerie music plays]

Ah, Lovell, just giving him
the kiss of life.

I'll take it from here, Douglas.

[door opens, closes]

[Lovell whispers indistinct dialogue]

[piano music plays]

[guest] Oh, dear.

Pity the beauteous doves
their worldly innocence.

It was vile of you to get him so drunk.

If the flesh isn't willing,

his desire to have his play produced
rages unperturbed. [chuckles]

Naked ambition
obliterates prudence every time.

Why does that chill me to the marrow?

How would you like him served?

En brochette.

-[slams door]
-It's alright, I'm fine.

Thank you for the� Oh, I'm sorry.

[footsteps thudding]

-Um, I'd invite you in, but�
-[door opens, closes]

-The old place hasn't changed much.
-You know it?

Miss Abernethy is legendary in my circles.

Saved many a struggling actor
from a park bench.

"I won't be standing in the hall
with my hand out for a week at least."

[chuckles] So you're an actor?

Actor, stage hand, manager.

I've carried more spears
than I care to remember.

I direct a bit now, rep mostly.

You must come for tea.

I'm sure Robin would like
to thank you properly.

That would be nice.
There's just one thing.

-Yes?
-Do you think I might have my coat?

Oh, [chuckles] yes, I'm sorry.

[dove cooing]

-[bird wings flutter]
-[chuckles]

[Diana] The Great Stupendo is taking
stupendous liberties.

His rabbit's found a new home
under my bed.

Marcel's off to dazzle Skegness.

He thinks he'll be away a week,
but he'll run for a month or two.

How do you know?

Oh, I have my ways. Oh, by the way!

A letter came for you, by messenger.

-Very grand. Hmm.
-[chuckles]

[Robin] I am very grateful to you
for reading my play.

Hmm. Don't thank me.
Thank that girl of yours.

She sat outside my office for hours.

You know, she'll really amount
to something.

Alright. Let me have it.

I say what I see. I like it.
I really do.

But you won't get it produced,
not without a name.

I do know an actor who's got
kind of a name. Douglas Middleton.

[Meadowsweet] Young Middleton?

He's got a name, alright,
in certain circles.

[chuckles] I think he'd suit the lead.

You know, my boy, you might just
have struck the right cord.

-[telephone rings]
-Oh, excuse me.

Hello? Yes.

Ah. Lunch with Mr Beaumont?
I'd be delighted.

At the Savoy! Marvellous. Goodbye!

-[telephone thuds]
-Right.

You take this script along to Silvia
on your way out

and she'll get it right along
to Mr Middleton.

Mr Meadowsweet, I�
I don't know how to thank you.

I'm sure you'll find a way.

-[cheerful music plays]
-[elevator bell dings]

[typewriter keys clacking]

Now, be sure that catches
the afternoon post.

-I'm off to lunch.
-[Silvia] I heard.

With Mr Beaumont at the Savoy.
Poor thing, he was all flustered.

-Dog and Duck for a pie and a pint, is it?
-The very same.

That fake ring will trip you up
one of these days.

We'll see.

-[door closes]
-[Lottie] Hello?

Get me Mr Binky Beaumont.

What number?
How should I know what number?

[mumbles]

[birds chirping]

[Diana] Dolly, listen, sorry,
I can't have lunch.

My sainted aunt's come up to the town
for the day. She'll take me to Tavistock.

-I hope she's rich as well as sainted.
-I don't think so.

She writes romantic stories.
Ada Fitzgerald.

Ada Fitzgerald? I love those books.

-Flames of Desire was brilliant.
-[chuckling]

Well, at least, let me buy you lunch.
Aunt Ada's bound to sub me.

It's alright.
I don't feel like eating anyway.

You used to eat like a horse.

Not today. Now, go on.
Don't keep your auntie waiting.

[Dolly pukes]

[soft music plays]

Hello, darling.

You look flushed.
What have you been up to?

[Diana] Party. Late night.

Friend of Garstin's, awful.
It's wonderful to see you.

Well, we have a lot to catch up on,
hangover or not.

[Diana chuckles]

I'd avoid the meat course. Stick to fish.
The Dover sole here is divine.

Would you mind
if I just had scrambled eggs?

[chuckles] Whatever your heart desires.

Ah, wouldn't that be heaven?

Come on, out with it. Who is he?

Chekhov said there was no human experience
so small,

he couldn't write a play about it.

My heart belongs out there
on Shaftesbury Avenue.

-[service bell rings]
-[Lovell] You'll get over it.

-[man 1] He just didn't turn up.
-[man 2] They did not even turn up.

I can't help but feeling
I've resorted to some dreadful clich�.

Middle class boy at the mercy
of upper class mores.

Ah, it worked for Wilde.

Yes, but his plays were peppered
with genius.

Wilde had a genius for life.
For writing, he had to rely on talent.

And, of course, his muse. And so must you.

[women giggle]

I think I love her.

-[Lovell] Your muse, naturally.
-Diana.

I can't possibly ask her to marry me
when I don't have a penny to my name.

I'm sure that wouldn't matter,
not if she loves you.

I don't know how she feels.

You have told her?

Um, no, I've been so wrapped up
with the play.

If you'll take my advice,

opportunity and the fairer sex
wait for no man.

I rested on my laurels once
with a girl, and�

before I could get the words out,
she married someone else.

-I'm sorry.
-Don't be.

My grandmother always said
what's truly for us won't pass us by.

She obviously wasn't the one.

How do you know
when it's the right moment?

How do you know
if someone's in love with you?

-[stutters] If they don't say anything?
-[chuckles] Diana.

The past is an ocean away,
and I have a very leaky boat.

I don't think I can remember
that far back.

Stop teasing.

Alright.

Well�

you can tell by the way they look at you.

Something in their eyes
always gives them away.

[Diana] And then?

And then you look at them in the same way,

and they usually kiss you.

And what if you look at them in that way,
and they don't.

It means you've misread them, I suppose.

Love is a rotten business, isn't it?

Absolutely rotten.

[jazz music plays]

[Garstin] I don't know what makes my bile
rise more, Diana getting us expelled,

or the fact she's turned
into an absolute stunner?

[Douglas]
An object of desire should possess

the kind of beauteous life force
you want to suck dry.

-Your cousin hardly qualifies.
-[Garstin] Each to his own obsession.

[Douglas]
If you do succeed in making Diana pay

for robbing you of the treasures
of childhood,

it leaves the way clear for me
with her delectable little paramour.

If I hadn't met your father,
I'd probably say you were born a bastard.

Did it ever occur to you
he might've made me that way.

Look, so you caught him in flagrante
when you were still wet behind the ears.

Naked flesh never turned
your stomach before.

[scoffs] The sight of him satisfying
his carnal lust

was enough to traumatise me for life.

The outer workings of a woman
are almost as complicated as the inner.

-Hear. Hear.
-[clinks]

[Garstin] That fallen angel at the bar
is giving you the eye.

Oh, doesn't bring even a glimmer
of warmth to my nether regions.

[sighs] Oh, Ratty, I'm so bored,
I could bite off my own tail.

Well, you'd only grow another.

So we're making Diana's chum
our latest quarry?

[lighter clicks]

[Douglas]
I'm only helping the poor boy along.

-The play maketh the man.
-God help him.

Is the play any good?

[Douglas scoffs] Tripe and onions.
Fodder for the one and sixes. [chuckles]

It could be a smash. Mm.

-Thanks for letting me bunk up with you.
-I should charge you rent.

The bank aren't exactly sending me
love letters, you know.

You could try living like a prince
instead of a king.

Hello?

Could we have
some more coffee please? 219.

[telephone dings]

Oh, Lottie Osgood.

-She's back, is she?
-Mm-hm.

I'm supposed to amuse her.

You brought colour to her cheeks
in New York.

And how? [chuckles]

If you're nice enough, she might be able
to bail out your leaky boat.

Lottie may be richer than a Rockefeller,

but the only thing she throws money at
is turgid plays.

Exactly.

-[chuckles]
-[telephone dings]

Hello? Get me The Ritz.

[Lottie] What on earth does one wear
in the country?

It's all dirt and doo-doo, isn't it?

[Douglas] Just pack anything that makes
you look your usual glamorous self.

I am pleased you're coming

even if you are laying
on your own entertainment.

[Douglas] There was no need to jump
to indecent conclusions.

I only want him to read you his play.

[Lottie] Don't get your hopes up too high.
I ain't easy to please.

Almost impossible, I'd say.

Hmm. [chuckles]

And for thy name which is no part of thee,

take all myself.

Thank you.

Alright, when I call out your name,
move to the right.

Aggie Pen, Alice Simmons, Felicity Payne,

Diana Shaw.

The rest of you,
thank you very much. You can go.

This is thrilling. We're in.

-Aren't you excited?
-Absolutely riveted.

Robin, I got the part!

Chamberlain's ultimatum to Hitler.
Read all about it.

Chamberlain's ultimatum to Hitler.
Read all about it.

[indistinct chattering]

-[Garstin] Well, well, Mr Gardner.
-Garstin.

-Douglas.
-Gimlets all around, I think.

Ah, just water for me, thank you.

Oh, come now, this is a celebration.

No need to keep a clear head
among friends.

Uh-huh. Well, in that case,
make mine a scotch and soda.

[waiter] Yes.

What are we celebrating?

Your play, of course.
Well, it's simply marvellous.

And if lady luck is at all on our side,
I might just have a backer.

-You can't be serious.
-Oh, but I am. Deadly.

Lottie Osgood,
doyenne and true saviour of the arts.

She's terribly discerning, of course,
only backs the best.

But, uh, I think we might be in
with a chance.

Well, this is a reason to celebrate.

I presume you want to play the lead.

The part couldn't be more perfect for me
than if you'd entered my very soul.

[thuds]

Let's drink to that.

-Cheers.
-Cheers.

-The food was wonderful. I had oysters.
-[chuckles]

I'm sure they weren't
the only slimy things at lunch. [chuckles]

Look, if the play goes on,
I can get you a part.

And Lovell can direct.

I don't want a part just
because I know the author.

Oh, don't be an ass.
You were brilliant in The Four Quartets.

I had one line.

Well, maybe, but it was a marvellous line.

-[chuckles]
-Come on, let's be devils.

Blow my last three and six
at the pictures.

Tonight, we live for tomorrow�

I am going to meet a backer at The Ritz.

[chuckles] Do you mind if we walk
for a bit? It's such a beautiful night.

We may have all the time in the world now.
But that may not last much longer.

You know I love you, don't you?

I do now.

At this moment,
you're all that matters in the world.

-The play be damned�
-[shushes]

The gods might be listening.

[door opens]

Dougie! Darling, here you are.

Radiant as ever. [chuckles]

And I see you've brought your playmate.

Uh, playwright, Robin Gardner.
I told you about him.

Sweetie, ring the bell, will you.

If I don't have champagne this minute,
I'll just die.

[Douglas, Lottie chuckle]

So guess what? I had lunch
with Clark Gable last week.

-What a stooge.
-[chuckles]

-That must've been fascinating.
-[chuckles]

So you're a playwright.

I get a kick out of creative types.
What have you done?

Robin's third play has just finished.
He had a nine month run.

Naturally, he's written another.

Hmm.

Just last week, Hecht and MacArthur
came over for dinner.

You do know them, of course?

Well, we were talking about the theatre
and Ben gets up, and lifts his glass

and says, "Mrs Osgood, you're not just
a member of the theatrical profession,

-you are the theatre."
-[chuckling]

[chuckles nervously]

You know, I have a cravat
that used to belong to Valentino.

Still has the sweat marks.

[Douglas]
That's why I brought Robin to meet you.

I knew you above all people
would understand the brilliance,

the sheer agony.

[Douglas, Lottie chuckle]

Will you excuse us for a moment?

[Lottie chuckles]

I don't see why I can't go with you.

Look, Douglas is giving me the opportunity
to get a closer look at the upper classes.

You have a vested interest
in this as well, you know.

Don't exhaust yourself on my account.

Acting means the world to you, doesn't it?

Well, writing really matters to me.

It's not the money or the success
that's important.

It's someone's saying you're good enough.

I was the one who told you that.
Anyway, you should know how good you are.

-I could say the same to you.
-[car horn honking]

Oh, better not keep destiny waiting.

[car door opens, closes]

Especially, since it's just arrived
in a white Rolls.

[Diana] Well, Lord Carter does own
half the newspapers in the country.

[upbeat music plays]

What a dung heap!

Gad, what in the name
of Jesus H Christ are those?

They're sheep.

Sheep? Whatever next? Cows, I suppose.

[whispers] Only the visiting ones.

[normal voice]
His lordship is in the library, madam.

-Back at the old homestead then, Baker?
-Standing in for Jenkins, actually.

He shot himself in the foot.

Has the old sap been fired
for getting at the Rothschild again?

Uh, no, I meant, literally.
He was cleaning the guns.

-Was there much blood?
-Men, you're obsessed with blood.

-It's the barbarian in us, madam.
-See, you even decorate with carnage.

Look who's talking.

# Rise and shine, shut up and take it #

-[Lottie] Snooky?
-# Rise and shine #

Snooky, wake up, you old bore!
Lottie's here at last.

Oh, Lottie, you're a feast to the eyes.

Remember Dougie?

-Young whipper-snapper.
-And this is Robin Gardner.

Uh, oh, Gardner, you say?
Uh, do, sit, sit, sit.

[stutters] Just kick the dogs.
They'll move.

Now, Snooky, you have to tell the boys
all the fabulous party you're gonna give.

They're a boring lot.
Tenant farmers' wives mostly.

None of them can hold a candle
in the glamour stakes.

Or Everard, for that matter.

Oh, my son's plumage
will be somewhat subdued tonight.

You can count on that.

Baker, pour some whiskeys, will you?
Lovely to feel you again.

-Subdued.
-[Lottie mumbles]

This, I have to see.

[dog barks]

[birds chirping]

Abbie told me where you were.

I come here to brood.

May I?

Robin's gone off with Middleton then?

I know, it's ridiculous that I mind,
it's just�

Well, it's Middleton,
if you know what I mean.

[chuckles] I really don't think
you have anything to worry about there.

Look, I have something
that might take your mind off things.

[gasps] Richard of Bordeaux!
However did you manage it?

It's� it's been put up for months.

Hmm. Stage manager's a chum.
They're for tonight.

I know it's short notice
but will you come?

I'll� [chuckles] have to check my diary.

[chuckles]

You can wear that lovely dress,
the one you wore the first time we met.

I'm glad you like it.
It's the only one I have.

It's the only one you need.

And, of course, when you're the toast
of the West End.

Ah, perchance to dream. Hmm.

I really should've asked Robin
if he minded, you are his girl after all.

Am I?

Don't be too hard on him.
This could mean a lot.

Perhaps, his ship's about to come in.

Let's hope it's not The Titanic.

[cheerful music plays]

[scoffs] Flossie,
you look like an undertaker.

Father is afraid one of his bigoted
middle-England bores might report me.

Fancy being afraid
of a little thing like prison.

We're missing a wonderful bun fight
at The Caf� de Paris.

When we were boys, you hated Bleak House,

I can't think why you're here.

Wait a minute, well,
you're wasting your time

with vestal virgin next door,
he's straight as an arrow.

-You do too much of that filthy stuff.
-Oh, it makes my eyes even more wonderful.

Besides, I think putting it up
one's nostrils is barbaric.

I suppose I might have an addiction
if I could afford it.

Things are pretty tight.

I don't have a cocaine problem.
I've been doing it for years.

What do you mean tight?

[Everard] Father is displaying
like a love-sick peacock.

His last tax bill is bigger
than Rhodesia's national debt.

[Douglas chuckles] You can't be serious.

My allowance has been slashed, Dougie,
which is a tragedy worthy of Shakespeare.

They will carve on my headstone,
"He could have achieved greatness,

if he'd only had
another 50 pounds a week."

Well, you better pray Lottie gets her way
and marches him up the aisle.

She's after a title.

Really?

I'd given her one of those already.

[chuckling]

Unity Mitford's so in love with Hitler,
I hear she's even grown her own moustache.

[laughing]

-Ah, woodcock, wonderful.
-Noely was quite correct.

The trouble with this bird is
there's too much wood and not enough cock.

-[people laughing]
-I thought we were supposed

to be having sweetbreads?

I worship sweetbreads.

[utensils clanking]

[indistinct chattering]

[woman sings] # A cigarette that bears
A lipstick's traces #

# An airline ticket to romantic places #

# And still my heart has wings #

# These foolish things remind me of you #

# A tinkling piano in the next apartment #

# Those stumblin' words #

-Cheers.
-# That told you what my heart meant #

# A fairground's painted swings #

There aren't any prices.

They're implied. You look wonderful.

-It must be costing a fortune.
-Please, let me worry about that.

Wouldn't you rather be with someone
more sophisticated?

What on earth makes you ask that?

It's just� this is the first time
I've felt really grown up.

Half the men in this room
are enchanted by you.

You must know how stunning you are.

[Diana]
Oh, God, it's my snake of a cousin.

[Lovell] Bannock?

That hack's your cousin?

He said I couldn't direct
my way out of a paper bag.

Well, well. And does the sainted Gardner
know what's going on behind his back?

-There's nothing going on.
-[Garstin] Really, Diana?

You should be more discerning
with your favours.

-Once a trollop�
-That's enough, Bannock.

Uh�

No need to make a scene, Lovell.
[whooshes]

I'll leave you two
to your innocent little dinner.

Do not do anything I wouldn't.

[Robin] Diana's out?

Alright, Abbie.
Tell her I called, would you?

["Night and Day" playing]

# Whether near to me or far #

# It's no matter, darling
Where you are #

# I think of you #

# Night and day #

# Day and night #

# Why is it so? #

# That this longing for you follows #

# Wherever I go #

Shall we go?

I'll get our coats.

Why don't you leave me alone,
you disgusting little runt.

Now, really?

Is that any way to talk to a chap

who's just given your talentless hack
of a lover a leg up?

-He's not my lover.
-Well, that's just as well,

since he's probably signing for his supper
this very moment.

What do you mean?

Surely, you realise Douglas's preferences.

-[slaps]
-[people gasp]

[Diana grunts]

-Get your hands off her!
-[grunts]

[piano music playing]

Nightcap?

[door closes]

I hope the naughty children
don't keep you awake.

They won't, I'm exhausted.

You do look divine
when you're out for the count.

What do you mean?

Oh, of course you don't remember.

Everard's ghastly soiree,
you'd had a little too much sauce.

You were virtually in a coma, in fact.

I had the pleasure�

well, almost.

-I think it's best you leave.
-Oh, not yet.

-I'm having far too much fun.
-[both grunt]

Don't tell me this isn't what you expected
all along. Everything comes at a price.

[knocking on door]

-[thuds]
-Everything alright?

Yes, it is now. Thank you, Baker.

[door closes]

We write our guests' names on the door.

It's easy to find yourself
in the wrong room.

Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, Baker.

I thought a little bromide
might help you sleep.

Did you?

[Lovell] Here.

I'll get something for that.

This may sting a little.

-Why does Garstin have to ruin everything?
-He didn't.

It was an evening I'll never forget.

I shouldn't have done that.

Tell me to go.

Please, go.

[knocks on door]

I'm engaged, [in French accent]
on toilet.

[Robin] I wondered if I might have a word.

Robin. Dearest boy, of course. Come in.

[door closes]

Now, Baker, do take care.
You're not skinning a rabbit.

Stop wriggling like one, then.

We'll have coffee.

The French blend I bought,
not that mud of father's.

If we've run out, shall I nip
over to Paris to pick some up?

[door closes]

If I didn't know any better,
I'd say one of my headless ancestors

have been rattling his chains at you
all night.

The living can be far more transparent.

If Douglas made a grab for you,
you set yourself up for it.

He's a vile, lascivious creep.

How much does the production of your play
really mean to you?

Everything.

Well, it should take more than a pretty
boy with fire in his loins to put you off.

There are armies of struggling
young things

who'd kill their mothers for this chance.

Take it, my boy.

Take it and hold on
until your play's a living thing,

produced.

Don't be a prig and assume
you've been a victim of an outrage.

This is a baptism. Happens every day
in your game.

If you really must,
hit him and have done with it.

I'd like to kill him!

Then, bleed him, slowly.

Use his contacts, his supposed talent,

let him think he has the upper hand
while you conceal your weapon.

Much more satisfying, don't you think?

The charm, style, the drama.

-It's got to go on.
-Really?

It's gonna be as good
as money can make it. Bravo.

Snooky, what on earth are you doing?

Sending the swallows on their way.

They're leaving early.

They did that just before all hell
was unleashed in the last show.

Bad sign.

-We're leaving too, Snooky.
-Oh, so soon?

[man on radio] �was instructed to inform
the German Government

that unless they were prepared
to give satisfactory assurances,

that the German Government had suspended
all aggressive action against Poland�

-[Baker] Pull!
-[gun shoots]

Titus Adronicus!

[Carter] Oh, it's Baker getting
in a little target practice.

-Wants to keep his hand in�
-[gun shoots]

�bag a few more blasted Jerries.

-[Baker] Pull!
-[plate shatters]

-Pull!
-[plate shatters]

Pull!

Well, I hope Jenkins is using
the servants' china.

We lost half the Limoges last time.

I don't know why you put up with him.

What on earth are you talking about?
Jenkins has been here 40 years.

Not Jenkins, father. Baker.

If it hadn't been for Baker, I'd be lying
in a shell hole without a face.

Least one can do is help a man
when he's down on his luck.

Don't talk to me about luck.

-I'm facing ruin.
-[Carter] Ruin? [chuckles]

You don't know the meaning of the word.

That beastly crash over the pond wiped out
a lot of good men.

-[Baker] Pull!
-Baker should have been set for life.

If you value him so much,

why on earth are we offering him up
to the Osgoso thing?

If a man can take on a hundred Bosh
with a single Luger,

he can cope with the demands of one woman.

It's no use, father.

If you don't help me out with my bill
at the club,

our reputation will be tainted.

Don't look at me with your mother's eyes.

That's just the look she had
when the Harrods' bill arrived.

Now, I warn you. Hmm.

This is the last time.

[exhales] Thank you, God.

-[upbeat marching band music playing]
-Nice spot, Baker.

Ah, caviar. Have some yourself.

[Baker] I'm strictly a jellied eels man.

I'm gonna show this town something.

On Broadway,
they know how to put on a play.

Teamwork, speed. That's what we need.

The best theatres
are booked months in advance.

Well, we'll just have to get the best
theatre money can buy,

even if we have to bribe the klutz
that booked it.

Our production is gonna knock the West End
on its ass.

Aren't you aiming a little high?

At the goddamn moon and stars, kiddo.

Here. Take this as a good faith advance.

And I suppose I mean nothing
to this production?

Not 'til you show us your chops, Dougie.

Take good care of yourself.

[giggles] Thank you.

Bye, Marcel.

Diana.

-[luggage thuds]
-[door opens, closes]

[Robin] Diana, wait!

Lottie's putting on the play.
She's paid me 200 pounds in advance.

So I'm taking you to the Savoy.

I'd rather not,
if it's all the same to you.

I thought you'd be over the moon.

You know,
if I were going to prostitute myself,

I wouldn't need to go all the way
to the bloody Cotswolds.

What on earth are you talking about?

-Two words. Douglas Middleton.
-[groans]

Don't think he's made this introduction
for nothing.

He's going to want his pound of flesh.

Oh, and Middleton won't let me
anywhere near your precious play.

Well, damn Middleton!

I do have some say, I'm the author!

Perhaps, but you're not the money
or the power.

You'll be better off with someone
who can bring something to the part.

[Robin] Diana, please.

The auditions start the day
after tomorrow.

Say you'll be there.

There's no point.

[door opens, closes]

[Lovell] I shouldn't have done that.
Tell me to go.

[Robin] You know I love you, don't you?

[Diana] You did this for my mother?

[Abernethy] Yes dear, I did,
for a very long time.

Oh, she was a beauty, your mother.
Had the world at her feet.

Oh, lavender.

I should have remembered.
You always loved it, didn't you?

Well, you were just a bairn.

Mind, you were wilful, even then.
[giggles] Ran me off my feet.

I wish my mother were here now.

She'd tell you not to give up.

On that, I'm very sure.

Well, drink up, dear.
I'll read your leaves.

When did you know you had the gift?

I nursed at the front, joined the VADs.

I was saved from an early grave
by the spirit of Lord Nelson.

Well, he told me not to go
to the wash-house,

-and what do you think?
-No idea.

I was just crossing the yard
with the pail, and well� [chuckles]

It was hit by a 20-pound mortar
and blown sky high.

-That's incredible.
-Well, not really.

If anyone knows about blowing things up,
it's Lord Nelson.

[chuckles]
Now dear, I want you to have these.

-No, I couldn't�
-No, it's a box of dreams.

They're yours now.

Ooh.

Let's see.

-What does it say?
-Oh, it's very interesting.

Come on, Abbie.
Is the play going to be a success?

That's not really what you want to know,
is it?

No, not really.

Look, Diana is adamant.

She's not coming to the auditions.
She says it's pointless.

Just tell me again
how exactly are we gonna convince

this backer friend of yours
to hire a director

with hardly any credits to his name?

We're going to take a leaf
out of Middleton's book.

We're gonna lie through our teeth.

-I got to go.
-[telephone thuds]

Can I join your mother's meeting?

[Lottie] Sorry about the wait, gentlemen.

War paint
takes a little longer these days.

So Lovell. What have you done?

He's just had a wonderful out of town run.

-Define "out of town."
-South coast. All of it.

Baker, where's the champagne?

On ice. Perpetually.

So, your resume isn't too bad.

[Lottie] Tell me, your acting credit's
pretty good. Why'd you give it up?

I, uh, had to find a way to pay the rent,

so when the chance to direct came up,
I grabbed it with both hands.

-By the throat, more like.
-Consider yourself hired.

Baker, what's with the pygmy bottle?

Our stock was seriously depleted
by your bath this morning.

Alright, gentlemen.
Let's get down to business.

We start casting immediately.

-Globe alright with you, Lovell?
-It's marvellous.

[Douglas]
How on earth did you get the Globe?

That manager chum of yours said
I'd have to bribe Binky

with a case of Mouton Rothschild.

-Cost me a small fortune.
-Just as well you have a large one, eh?

Ah, but for how much longer?

-Lunch is on its way.
-[Lottie] Well, tell it to run.

I could eat a herd of mustang.

Gentlemen, [in French] a big success.

Dolly, I love Robin but I can't stop
thinking about Christopher.

Christopher? When did that spring up?

God, I made such a mess of things.

[Diana] I thought this would be a treat.

Sorry, peach. I'm just a bit off colour.

Morning sickness kind of off colour.

Dolly, you're not?

-How long?
-Six weeks, I think.

-Do you want to keep it?
-Mummy'd have kittens.

She's got ten of us.

My sister Vi went to a Polish quack
down Brick Lane.

They don't call him Reaper for nothing.

The thought scares me to death.

-But the alternative is much worse.
-What alternative?

-Bottle of gin and a knitting needle.
-There must be a better way.

What about that deb you shared a room with
at The Three Arts?

She went to a doctor in Wimpole Street,
didn't she?

Mm-hm.

She had to hock her diamonds
for that privilege.

Told her father we'd been robbed.
Caused hell of a stink.

Anyway,

in case you haven't noticed,
I ain't exactly dripping in 'em.

Sorry, what?

Diamonds. I ain't exactly dripping in 'em.

I've been sent to try
and change your mind.

Robin doesn't understand.

Middleton is a spiteful monster.

He's got a name and he wouldn't let me
near this play in a million years.

Diana, please�

There's no such thing as a part
being made for you.

You've got to act it for all your worth.

I'm not up to it.

Do you trust me?

I think so.

Well, I'm asking you to audition.

Two o'clock tomorrow. Promise me.

-Would you do something for me?
-Name it.

Dolly. Dolly's my best friend.
She's in trouble.

Thing is, I need you to sell this for me.

[Diana] I don't think I could bare to.

It's beautiful.

It was my mother's.

This belonged to Lily Evans?

I saw her once.

I was about 12.

I stood outside the stage door for hours,
waiting to catch a glimpse of her.

-She was�
-Luminous.

I know.

And so are you.

You should know that.

Isn't it strange how your world
can be turned upside down

and yet everyone else
carries on just the same?

I've made things difficult for you,
haven't I?

Whenever I see you,

it takes every fibre of my being
not to take you in my arms.

I'd like you to.

[man on radio]
�no delay in making our position clear.

Accordingly, we decided to send
our Ambassador in Berlin,

instructions, which he was to hand
at nine o'clock this morning,

to the German Foreign Secretary.

-[kids grunting]
-Boys, go out and play.

-[boy] Do we have to?
-Yeah.

I'll pay you back
if it's the last thing I do.

Are you sure you'll be alright?

I will now, thanks to you.

How will I know when it's over, I mean?

I'll telephone you. I won't be able
to work for a couple of weeks.

Not that that'll make much difference.

Something will turn up soon, you'll see.

I ain't up for this acting lark, peach.

I wish I'd done
that stenographer's course.

Listen to me. You can act half
those third years off the bloody stage.

-Maybe, but�
-No buts.

Now get on that bus,
and get to that audition.

[door opens, closes]

[Aggie] "Then to the woods will he
tomorrow night pursue her,

and for this intelligence,
if I have thanks, it is a dear expense.

But herein mean I to enrich my pain,
to have his sight thither and back again."

[Douglas] Wonderful, darling.

[Lottie] I'll be the judge of that.

Almost finished. Where the hell is Diana?

[Diana] I'm sorry, I'm late, everyone.

-So, what are you gonna do for us?
-Ophelia.

Why the hell do they always have to pick
Shakespeare?

I can't judge a thing when I'm being bored
out of my mind.

"Oh, what a noble mind
is here o'er-thrown!

The courtier's, soldier's, scholar's, eye,
tongue, sword.

The expectancy and rose of the fair state.
The glass of fashion and the mould of�

�and feature of blown youth,
blasted with ecstasy.

O, woe is me to have seen
what I have seen.

To see what I see!"

Thank you.

Well, I'm torn. Redhead was damn good.

But young Diana has something.
The girl has a certain quality.

[chuckles] For the Bluebell Revue, maybe.

Baker, what do you have to say?

What on earth would Baker know
about anything?

Close your tube.

Baker is my musical director
and I care about his opinion.

Well, our hearts must go out
to the heroine

when her sister sets her cap
at the young man.

I wouldn't believe Diana as a schemer,
but I would believe Miss Penn.

Diana has a na�ve quality
that suits Isobel very well.

That settles it.

Miss Penn gets to play the sister
and Miss Shaw is Isobel.

How on earth can you expect a complete
unknown to put bottoms on seats?

We'll be doomed before we even open.

Surely you don't doubt your ability
to draw a crowd, Douglas?

-[scoffs]
-[Lottie] Can I have a light?

After all this time, I can't believe
we finally got this show on the road.

My round, I think.

So, Christopher persuaded you.
Should I be jealous?

[Diana] It was Dolly, actually.

How is Dolly?

She's pregnant.

She needed some money
to take care of things.

-I sold my mother's brooch.
-You did what?

Why on earth didn't you come to me
for the money?

You know Lottie's just paid me
a king's ransom.

I didn't like to. It's your money.

Everything I have is yours. I'd give you
the shirt from my back.

Wait a minute.
Daniel should say that in Act Two.

[barman] Pint of best, was it?

[Lottie] What are you trying to do?
Kill me?

You can't kill someone who's already dead.

You've slept through 15 telephone calls,
a fire alarm,

and a peace rally march down Piccadilly.

Prince of Denmark's outside
with rapier drawn.

Well, tell him to come in.

Wait a minute.

Should I fix myself up?

Pearls before swine.

[Douglas] Tell me it's all a bad dream.

What's eating you?
[softly] As if I didn't know.

You cannot be serious about giving Diana
the part of Isobel.

Casting an inexperienced plank as my�
romantic lead is surest way to failure.

Baker, pick me something to wear, please.

What sort of mood are we in today?

Aqua?

Purple?

Puce?

Definitely puce.

My mind's made up.

But I can't play opposite a total amateur.

-You shall have to show her the ropes.
-Lottie, this is an outrage.

Someday, that lad's temper's
gonna eat him out from the inside out,

and we can turn him into a handbag,
to match this little� pucissimo.

It's simply a gargantuan,
first-class disaster.

I heard she was rather good
in the audition.

In case you'd forgotten, this entire
scenario was meant to scatter

my slavering creditors
not to give a leg up to your cousin.

I don't see why Diana landing a plum part
makes you any worse off.

I have sweet talked our sacrificial cow

into handing over a substantial portion
of the profits from this production.

We'll be lucky to last a week.

To quote Brooke, "We will be worms
writhing in an immense night."

Writhe away.

Nasty bruise. I do hope it's not painful.

[hisses]

[door opens]

Big day tomorrow.

Yes. For both of us.

What's the matter?

Aren't you happy? Why can't you tell me?

Where's Abbie?

She's out.

Robin, I can't.

-Can't or won't?
-Does it matter?

I'm sorry.

I know you're not that kind of girl.

I can wait.

-For what?
-For us to get married.

That's what you want, isn't it?

We're here for Soft Laughter.

Soft Laughter. [chuckles]
Not a bad title.

[man] Suppose it'll be off by the end
of the week. [chuckles]

Ah, don't pay any attention to me.
I'm not in the best of moods.

Well, now� if it ain't the Duchess.

-Albert. It's been too long.
-Almost 20 years.

You haven't forgotten I played lady
Windermere five years ago.

[Lydia] Who's out there?
I can't see a thing.

I'm Robin Gardner.

And this is Diana Shaw.

Oh, the lighting in this theatre
is appalling.

[Albert] Ah, there you are, ducks.

Gardner, you say?

-Author, aren't you?
-Yes.

Well, I shall do my best
to make your play come alive.

Though even I can't promise miracles.

-[door opens, closes]
-To say this is an honour.

Would be gauche.

-Douglas, there you are.
-Everybody here?

-Right. Let's get everyone settled.
-Now, we must be patient.

When one's trying to express the words
of a new author, the lines seems so�

[clicks tongue, grunts]

-What's the word I'm searching for?
-Flat.

Yes. [chuckles]

[Diana] They say that a good actor

can make even the most banal phrases
sound like Shakespeare.

And you, of course, would know about that.

-Diana is the daughter of Lily Evans.
-Lily Evans?

So I can see a resemblance.

[Lottie] Let's get this show
on the goddamn road.

-Dougie, you up there?
-Sadly, yes.

Oh, let me not be mad, sweet heaven.

Heaven has nothing to do with it.

"Pay no attention, Isobel.
My nerves are getting the better of me."

"Kiss me, then, for luck."

Really, Diana. You deliver that line
like a sickly five-year old.

[Diana] How do you suggest I play it?
Like a 30-year old street walker?

With conviction.

Douglas, do stop trying to throw Diana�

Oh, I'd like to throw her, alright�
off the bloody stage!

[Lydia] This entire production is a joke!

That Mr Middleton's too high strung,
if you ask me.

He needs a pill like thy give them
racehorses to calm them down.

And I know just where he should put it.

[Lydia]When you have proven
yourself to be of worth, Mr August,

I will discuss the matter.

[Douglas]
"But I love Isobel. You cannot refuse me."

"I will not stand idly by

and watch her throw her life away
on a penniless musician."

[Diana] "I never want to see
either of you again!"

It's "either."

-Either.
-[Aggie] "Either."

-[Diana] Either.
-[Aggie] "Either."

[both] Either?

"My sister always wanted
what little I had.

And now, she wants you."

"Well, she can have you."

"Well, she can have you."

-[knocks on door]
-[door opens]

I saw the lights were on. Can't you sleep?

Robin�

I thought this part
would make a difference.

Of course, it makes a difference.

Middleton. I'd like to wipe
that smug grin off his face.

Pay no attention to him.

It's hard not to
when he's your leading man.

I try to look at him
as though I'm in love with him.

But I'm sure the audience will see I just
want to kill him with my bare hands.

Show me how you think you should look.

It's good enough for me.

Now get some sleep.

"We were never meant to be, you and I.
Fate was against us from the start."

"Don't say that�"

"I'm so sorry, my darling.
I never meant to hurt you."

Douglas, I have another line.

Who is above the title
in this production, Lovell?

[Diana] Shall we try it again?

[Douglas] She could do
with being reminded.

"We were not allowed to be, you and I.
Fate was against us from the start."

"Don't say that. Please, it's not true."

Are you going to do it like that,
on the night?

Oh, Christopher!

You could run a coach and four
through that pause.

That's it.

I've had enough, pal. I am going shopping.

"Darling Isobel, please come back to me.
I long to hear your soft laughter again."

They're gonna be dozing off from the pits
to the gallery.

[Lovell] You can't blame Diana's acting
for your lack of conviction.

In case, you hadn't notice,
she's in a bloody coma!

[Douglas]
We must re-cast Isobel immediately!

Diana, now, this is your time.

Don't let that hock of ham get the better
of you. His timing was always abysmal.

Sit up. Take a good look.

You have something very precious.
I would give everything I have,

all the fame, experiences,
all the money in the world,

to be where you are now.

And where is that, exactly?

You are at the beginning.

Now, come on.

Get out there and show them.
Show them what you are made of.

What you can do.

[sighs]

[chuckles] Still beautiful.

-Where did it all go, Albert?
-[Albert] Not very far away.

How about a cup of tea?
With a little dash of happiness?

Make it a generous dash, will you?

This play is torture.

Not bad, though.

No. No, it's not too bad.

[chuckles]

[Robin] Is there no end to this?
Damn you, Douglas!

This amateurish affair
has gone far enough!

Who the hell are you calling an amateur?

You're just spitting venom
because I wouldn't compromise myself.

[Lottie] Read your contract.

In it, you will find any final decision
in any artistic matter

rests with the manager.

[Douglas] I took the precaution of
inserting that clause

'cause I was confident ignorance
would lead to this.

-I want to see this goddamn contract.
-You needn't bother. I didn't sign it!

[Baker] Now, we're in for a treat.

-[upbeat music plays]
-[cat cries]

The cat's got hold of a bloody great rat!

Albert, would you please escort
Mr Middleton from the stage?

-Come on, sir.
-Lottie, you can't fire me.

-I'm your star.
-I can do as I damn well please.

I feel it's my duty to tell you
that you are an empty vessel,

who doesn't give
a scrap of himself emotionally.

You are the amateur.

[Lottie] Baker, why don't you break
open a bottle of champagne.

Now, we've really got something
to celebrate.

-[cork pops]
-Ow!

Remember, Douglas.
Good parts are hard to come by.

I'll be revenged on the whole pack of you!

What the hell have I done? We can't go on
tomorrow with an understudy.

You did say that whenever Mr Lovell
demonstrated

Daniel's character to Mr Middleton,
the scenes were much more alive.

Baker, you're a goddamn genius!

Of course, he knows the lines backwards.

Come on, boys.
War council in my office now.

[Lottie] At least with Middleton out,
we'll save some money.

Robin, go get Baker to see what's keeping
Lovell, will you?

I need that goddamn schedule.

It's alright. I'll go myself.

[piano keys playing]

We can't go on like this.

I feel so guilty,

but I just can't help myself.

"Blame not me all,
that all was found unworthy."

Are we unworthy?

Owen wouldn't have thought so.

Tell me how it goes.

"Blame not my eyes,
that from their high aim lowered.

Yet saw more than other eyes may see.

Nor blame head, heart, hands, feet,
that overpowered,

fell at thy feet to draw thy heart to me.

Blame not me all,
that all was found unworthy."

Oh, God.

Robin!

We wanted to tell you.

We? Since when did you and my girl
become "we"?

I am so sorry.

When this is over,
I reserve the right to kill you!

[newspaper man] German Chancellor's
response to Chamberlain.

Read all about it!

Hitler's response to Chamberlain.
Read all about it!

I'm so nervous, I could die.

[Ada] Then your understudy
will get all the glory.

Taxi's been waiting for ten minutes.

[Abernethy] Good luck!

I hope the audience are kind.

She's getting a lot of support
from the other side.

Her mother's bringing
Oscar Wilde, Sarah Bernhardt,

-and a window cleaner from Newcastle.
-[both laugh]

[man on radio] You will now hear
a statement by the Prime Minister.

[Chamberlain on radio] Stating that unless
we heard from them by 11 o'clock,

that they were prepared at once
to withdraw their troops from Poland,

a state of war would exist between us.

I have to tell you now that no
such undertaking has been received,

and that consequently,
this country is at war with Germany.

[indistinct chattering]

Good luck. Good luck.

Come on, gents.

The curtain goes up in two minutes.

-Well, this is it.
-You're gonna be wonderful.

It will be you, Dolly, one day.
You'll see.

Your aunt giving me a job
was the best thing that ever happened.

I don't call typing up her stories work.
It's a blessed joy.

-[door opens]
-Ready?

-As the lamb for the slaughter�
-Where's your fighting spirit?

Down the lavatory with the rest
of my lunch. [laughs]

This recital could mean the world to me.

-Do you really mean to lend me the fare?
-Of course.

But on one condition.
That you take me with you.

You know that's impossible. I love Isobel!

[Aggie as Madeleine]
Perhaps, but you need me.

And you can't deny that there's a certain
frisson between us.

-[kisses]
-[Diana] Daniel!

Isobel, please! It's not what it seems!

[audience applauding]

-They like it.
-[exhales]

Douglas is pouting like a passed-over
chorus girl. Where is he?

Oh, he's here.

Hell hath no fury like a strumpet scorned.

There speaks the voice of experience.

[Garstin] Douglas is arranging
a little destruction as we speak.

[indistinct chattering]

Battle stations, barrackers out front.

-Well, call the police!
-I'll take care of it.

No, no, no. Don't worry, son.
He'll handle it.

[Diana] My sister wanted you
from the moment she laid eyes on you.

Well, she can have you.

Isobel! Now, gentlemen!

-[crashes]
-[audience scream, clamour]

[Lovell] Diana!

[audience clamouring]

Hello, sailor.

[thuds]

[audience clamour, laugh]

Goddamn barrackers.

Middleton!

[sighs] Baker, don't be a melodramatic
ass. It isn't even loaded.

[gunshot]

If you look in Mr Middleton's pockets,
you'll find some rather damning evidence.

-It was you! You loosened the gantry!
-Would appear you've caught me red-handed.

Darling Isobel, please come back to me.
I long to hear your soft laughter.

[audience applauding]

-They've arrived.
-Papers are here, everybody!

Refill your glasses. Here you go.

[Lottie] War, war, war!
Where is the damn theatre page?

Oh, here! Right here.

"Soft Laughter managed
to hold its audience

despite an ill-timed onslaught
from barrackers

and an almost tragic accident."

"This reviewer was impressed
by the quality of the writing

and the performances, notably stunning
West End debuts by Christopher Lovell

and Diana Shaw!"

-[people cheering, applauding]
-Bravo.

[Lottie] Snooky, I really love how you got
those critics to bark to your tune.

I was asleep all afternoon.
Touch too much grape at lunch, I'm afraid.

Well, if you didn't fix 'em,
how come we got such great reviews?

Quite legitimately, it would seem.

Wow.

I'm so sorry how things turned out.

This should be the best night of my life.

I used to think this was all I wanted.
But now I realised, I want her more.

Well, then prove it to her.

I told you, I'm getting out of the way.

They need experienced flyers,
so I signed up.

-Do you always do the decent thing?
-Not always.

Well, we did it.

No, you did it. You were wonderful.

And everything I expected you would be.

Do you love me at all?

Of course, I do.

It's just�

I need some time.

It's ironic that for a man of words,

they never come easily with you.

Well, then�

-[Lottie] Alright, everybody!
-[glass clinks]

Listen up, everyone.

-Get back in there.
-[Lottie] Refill your glasses.

Since that ferret Hitler invaded
poor, little Poland,

I've decided to take the entire ship
to Broadway.

[audience gasps]

God bless this play
and all who sail in her!

-[people applauding]
-[glasses clink]

Congratulations.
You're gonna be the toast of Broadway.

-You're not coming, are you?
-Can't, I'm afraid.

Not now, we're at war.

I think your mother would've wanted you
to keep this.

[sighs]

-Ready?
-[Lottie] As I'll ever be.

Are you sure you won't change your mind?

I've gotten kind of attached. [chuckles]

Sadly, I'm needed here.

When it's over�

perhaps.

Come on, Diana.

[man on radio]
The closing of places of entertainment.

All cinemas, theatres, sports gatherings,

and all gatherings for purposes
of entertainment and amusement,

are to be closed immediately
until further notice.

Lottie's causing havoc in the dining car.
They don't have Dom Perignon.

[laughs]

I'm gonna get a newspaper,
do you want anything?

No, thanks.

-[door slides close]
-[train attendant whistles]

Oh, I wish I were coming all the way
with you instead of just to Southampton.

I wish you were, too.

For someone about to dazzle Broadway,
you look pretty glum.

I thought he'd come to say goodbye,
at least.

Love is never the way
I write about it, is it?

If only it were.

He'd be here to sweep you into his arms.

[attendant whistles]

[Robin] This is a mistake, Diana.

["These Foolish Things" playing]

# A cigarette #

# That bears a lipstick's traces #

# An airline ticket #

# To romantic places #

# And still my heart has wings #

# These foolish things #

# Remind me of you #

# A tinkling piano #

# In the next apartment #

# Those stumblin' words that told you #

# What my heart meant #

# A fairground's painted swings #

# These foolish things #

# Remind me of you #

# And you came #

# You saw #

# You conquered me #

# When you did that to me #

# I knew somehow #

# This had #

# To be #

# The winds of March #

# That made my heart a dancer #

# A telephone that rings #

# But who's to answer #

# Oh, how the ghost of you clings #

# These foolish things #

# Remind me of #

# You #

["Some Things Are Meant to Be" playing]

# On a night like this #

# When you're close to me #

# This is where I long to be #

# You were made for me #

# Heaven must agree #

# Some things are meant to be #

# When I'm far from you
All I long to do #

# Is be in your arms to stay #

# In our wildest dream #

# We have all that we need #

# Some things are meant to be #

# Seasons come and seasons go #

# And lead us in the stance #

# Right or wrong we could still belong #

# If we only had #

# A chance #

# There's an empty room #

# Deep within my heart #

# And somehow you must believe #

# I would make it mine #

# 'Til the end of time #

# If only you were free #

# As I watch you go #

# In my heart I know #

# Some things were meant to be #