Original subtitles

[bright music]

[suspenseful music]

[bright orchestral music]

[goat bleats]

[goat bleats]

[goat bleats]

[goat bleats]

[Lyla exhales] As we enter tree pose,

we accept the earth's energy.

Let it surge through you from the ground

up into your fingertips.

Hey, shoo.

And let's come back down and let's finish in child's pose.

And down.

Very good.

Reach back and grab the heels of your feet.

[goat bleats]

[Lyla exhales] Find your breath.

[Lyla exhales]

Surrender your stress and tension.

[Lyla] Let your worries and fears...

drip off your shoulders like rain.

[urine trickles]

[Lyla] Let your ego drop, like stones in a flowing river.

-Namaste. -Namaste.

Tina! Thanks for coming to my class.

-What'd you think? -I got pooped on.

Wow. You're so lucky.

-I am? -Yeah! It's a great honor

to have a goat be that relaxed with you.

-Namaste. -Namaste.

That's what my boss told me to say.

[Tina chuckles] Anyway,

thanks for wearing the pants.

I really appreciate it.

No, thank you. They're super cute.

Namaste.

Do you think that they'd sell them

in the studio shop area?

You know, Namaste. I don't see why not.

I'll ask Barb about it.

Oh, my God. You are the best.

No, I love you. I appreciate this so much.

[Lyla] I love you, too.

-You're the best. -Okay.

[bright music]

[horn honks]

[paper rustles]

And that is the beauty of the Slender Slim System!

You do zero work, but you lose mega pounds.

No, [chuckles] Diana.

I don't think you're truly grasping it, Diana.

Diana. That is a lovely name, by the way.

-Where's Sasha? -Shh!

I'm so sorry about that, Diana.

Diana?

Hello?

Hell--

God damn it!

[gentle music]

What're doing in here?

Oh.

Oh, gross. Come on.

[Lloyd] Hey, I was this close to making that sale.

This close.

You know I hate it when you do that.

You can't leave babies alone in bathtubs.

-What if she would've drowned? -Did she?

Did she drown? There's not even any water in the tub.

But did I not make my sale? Did I?

She was sitting in her own poop, Lloyd.

Where?

Hey, you promised me you'd do better.

This is really disappointing.

Here we go again. Another fight

where you are upset about something

that could have, but did not happen!

Instead of being satisfied with the reality of the situation.

Your daughter was sitting in her own filth, Lloyd.

Is that not reality enough for you?

[baby crying]

Whatever. Sorry.

I want you to mean it and not just say it to shut me up.

Will you grab me a carrot?

Then I am sorry from the bottom of my heart.

We need more beer.

I don't know if we can afford it.

Things are really tight this month.

Money, money, money, money.

You know, we'd have more money if you'd let me make my sale.

You sell any furry pants today?

[sighs] I have to pee. Can you feed her?

[melancholy piano music]

[phone thuds]

[sighs]

[sewing machine clacks]

-Mom? -Hey, Tina.

Your mom can't come to the phone right now.

Her hands are all gunky, covered with salmon. [growls]

[giggles] Hi, honey! I want a pair of those fluffy pants.

Oh, and one for Jocelyn, too.

-Okay. -Mama, mama!

I'm sorry to put this on you, but the rent is due,

and I don't have the money to pay it.

[sighs] Okay.

We have been down this road before. Haven't we, Tina?

I get it, Gary.

I do, but if I don't get that rent money, then-

-Is everything okay? -Oh, everything's fine, dear.

She's just calling to say hello.

That's not true! I need money!

You too, Tina! Have a good night.

I love you!

[phone bleeps]

[laughs]

[Tina] If we push power and gas to next month again,

and maybe we can cancel the cell phone plan,

ask for a refund, and just restart it after we pay rent,

and then we can stay another month.

Except the insurance payment is due as well.

Is that a new phone?

[Sasha cries]

Yeah.

-Lloyd! -I'm a salesman, okay?

So...

Image. It's an investment.

You think going from an 11 to a 12 is a good investment?

It's gonna be fine.

You know, it's not gonna be fine.

We got an eviction notice.

Can we just go inside and try to have a nice time, please?

Okay, but I don't think this conversation is over.

We need to talk seriously about our finances.

I just miss when we didn't only talk

about money and the baby.

-Lyla! -[Lyla] Hey!

[water splashes]

Oh! You do not know how much I needed this. Thank you, guys.

You got it, broham.

[Lyla] You guys sure you don't wanna come in?

Water's warm!

Yeah, I'm okay. You guys enjoy it.

Like I was saying, demand has been through the roof.

They're expanding my schedule, and I get a nice little pay bump along with it!

I'm so proud of you, babe.

[Lyla giggles]

So, it's goat yoga?

Like living goats, right?

I mean, how does that work?

Well, they're super cute.

They bounce around and they help you connect

and, you know, connect to your center.

Tina came.

Oh, and a goat pooped on her.

[group laughs]

Are you serious?

It was so gross.

Oh, man. I wish I would've seen that.

Um, hey, were you gonna talk to Barb about the pants?

Oh, yeah, and we're all set.

Oh, my God. Did you hear that?

I'm gonna be a one-woman factory and make a bunch.

Yeah, they're so cute. They'll sell, for sure.

Not like those ugly furry ones, right? [laughs]

You guys should've seen those.

[Lyla mumbles]

[Lloyd chuckles]

[gunfire and music from TV]

Honey?

Uh, please.

You okay, babe? Your energy feels...

You ever feel like you're being pushed into a little ball?

Like you're at the bottom of the ocean and all the weight

of all the water is bearing down on you.

Except, it's not water.

It's responsibility,

and doubt,

and anger,

resentment,

fear.

Not really, but things will work out for you. You'll see.

If we don't pay our rent tomorrow, we're gonna be evicted.

[Lloyd] Ooh!

Nice kill.

[chuckles]

And he doesn't...

I'm sorry, this is ugly of me, but do you think that--

Tina, you're too in your head about the future.

You need to be more in the now. Like the goats.

The goats?

Goats don't worry about the future

or dwell in the past.

They're relaxed and present in the moment.

They just are.

But I'm not a goat. I'm a human.

[sighs] I was just saying. Jeez.

[gentle music]

[Sasha cries]

Can you get her?

[Sasha cries]

Lloyd, can you please get her?

Lloyd?

[Tina] It's okay.

Come here.

Come here.

[knocks on door]

[Landlord] You gotta pay up or get out, Tina.

I just got a huge order for new pants,

so as soon as the supplier pays, I'll have your money.

So, you don't have the rent money?

[landlord sighs]

[gentle music continues]

Looks like it's gonna be just you and me

for a little while, kiddo.

Things are gonna turn around, though. I just know it.

[engine struggles]

I said things are gonna turn around, though. I just know it.

[engine struggles]

I said things are gonna turn around though. I just know it!

[screams]

[Sasha cries]

I got kicked out! So I've come to visit with you guys.

[screams]

You know she can't stay here, right?

Oh, I don't see why not.

Because if we let her stay now, she'll never leave.

Baby. You're being so dramatic.

She's hurting.

If we coddle her now, it'll only hurt her further.

She needs to learn how to face the world as an adult.

-Not a child. -[sighs]

What she needs is love and compassion

from her mommy and step-daddy.

-Baby. -Aww.

-Baby. -Baby.

I've seen what her vibe does to you.

I only want what's best for you.

-Aww. -And her.

You're so thoughtful.

My polar bear.

[growls]

[giggles]

Oh. You're sitting like a big girl!

You're sitting like a big girl. Look at you.

Where's your little cheek? Do you know where your cheek is?

There's your cheek, right there.

Where's your nose? Show me your nose again.

That's your mouth! Where's your nose?

Nose.

Nose! Yay! [giggles]

-You're so good with her. -[Pam chuckles]

She's my little ooky booky!

Are you my little ooky booky?

-[Sasha cooes] -[Pam] Ooh!

[gentle chime music]

Okay.

Hey, I know you're not happy about this arrangement.

-But I promise- -Tina, you're family.

You can stay as long as you like,

but I want you out of here as soon as possible.

[gentle music]

[sewing machine clacks]

[Tina sighs]

[phone vibrates]

[sighs]

Oh, my God, Lyla, you are never gonna believe

the shit time I've had since I left your house,

but I am pleased to report I've got all the pants ready.

[Lyla] Oh, bummer.

You're telling me.

Uh, no, because

I talked to Barb again, and it turns out

we actually have an exclusive deal

to sell lululemon apparel at the store.

So, we can't sell your pants, but...

why don't you and Lloyd come back over for dinner

and we can drown your sorrows in a bottle of wine?

Well, he, uh...

I gotta go.

[sighs]

Oh. Yeah, sure, just lie in bed all day.

It's not like this is my office or anything.

[goat bleating]

-[eerie music] -[goat continues bleating]

[Lyla's voice] You're too in your head about the future.

You need to be more in the now. Like the goats.

-Goats, goats, goats, goats. -[goats bleating]

15.

16.

17.

18.

Mom? I need you to take care of Sasha for me.

I'm doing my kegels.

Please? I need this right now.

Is everything okay? You're worrying me.

Yeah, everything's fine. Just please take her?

[Pam] Okay, let's go see the whale.

And you'll take good care of her?

[chuckles] Of course I will, honey.

I can't believe you're asking me that.

You be good, okay?

-Mommy loves you. -[Pam] Okay, say bye-bye.

Say bye-bye.

My little bubba chubba.

[sewing machine clacks]

-[eerie orchestral music] -[sewing machine clacks]

Where's the puppy?

-Where's the puppy? -Here?

That's not a puppy!

Where's the little lamb?

Where's the little lamb? There's a little lamb!

Where's the mommy? Where's the mommy?

Gary, it's nice we get to spend time

with our little granddaughter!

Yeah, a little time's nice, but uh,

it's gone on quite a while.

-I'm going. -Yeah.

You know, you're right, actually.

I'm gonna go find Tina. Come on, let's go find Mommy.

Come on, let's go find Mommy! We're gonna get her, yeah.

Let's go find Mommy!

Let's go find your mommy, princess. Where is she?

Tina?

Tina?

Are you in the potty?

No.

Tina?

-[child laughs] -[dog barks]

Gary?

Gary.

I think I need your help. Something's wrong with Tina.

You could've used my help 30 years ago, when you were raising that child.

Excuse me? I did the very best I could, thank you very much.

It was not easy raising her as a single--

Anyway, that's not the point. The point is,

I need your help, Gary! Get off your ass!

[suspenseful orchestral music]

[bright whimsical music]

Honey?

What are you doing out here?

Just enjoying the sunshine.

Why are you dressed like that?

I'm a goat.

[laughs] I get it! That's--that's funny.

It's not meant to be.

Oh, then I guess I don't get it.

There's nothing to get. I'm a goat.

[sighs] No, Tina, you're not.

You're Tina. Not a goat.

Tina, the goat.

-[sighs] -Okay, Tina, this is cute.

But our neighbors may be watching,

so now it's time to come in.

I wanna stay here, so I will.

Uh... [chuckles]

What about baby Sasha? She--she wants her mommy.

That is a human, and I'm a goat.

Yeah, it'd be pretty reckless and irresponsible of you

to leave a human child with a goat, don't you think?

Oh.

Who knows what could happen to her?

[Tina bleats]

This is by far the most bizarre thing she's ever done.

-[phone rings] -Honey, what are we gonna do?

We're gonna send her to the damn loony bin.

That's what we're gonna do.

[Pam] Honey, she's just having a hard time.

She just needs a good night's sleep.

Pam, she's acting like a goat.

Hi!

Yeah, no, no. No, that's my stepdaughter, she's fine.

She's doing one of those art installation things.

[chuckles] Yeah, I know. Yeah, right? Thanks. Bye.

-[sighs] That was the neighborhood watch. -Get her in the car right away.

We're taking her to see Dr. Morvareed.

Dr. Morvareed. He'll fix her right up.

[suspenseful orchestral music]

Okay, Tina!

We're gonna go on a nice little trip in the car.

Why don't you come with us?

I got a lot going on,

so I think I'll just stay right here.

But you're not actually doing anything. [chuckles]

I know. Isn't it great?

Tina, why don't you get in the car?

-[bleats] -You're gonna get in the car, right this instant,

and go see the doctor, young lady!

Goats don't see doctors. They see veterinarians.

That is it, Tina! You're going to get in the car.

Don't mess with me, old man,

unless you want a taste of my horns.

[Gary] Oh, okay. Come on, you're...

-[screams] -[Gary] Oh, stop that!

Get in the car!

[Gary grunts]

[Gary groans]

My gonads!

[screams]

[Gary groans]

[Pam] Tina.

You have a visitor.

[Dr. Morvareed] Hello. I'm Dr. Morvareed.

[Tina snorts]

[Pam] Tina! don't be rude.

[Dr. Morvareed] Oh, that's perfectly all right.

Could I bother you for some tea, please?

-[Pam] It's my pleasure. -[Dr. Morvareed] Thank you.

So, uh...

You are a goat, huh?

Yep.

And, uh, have you always been a goat, or uh,

this is a new thing?

It's new. Being a human sucks,

so I decided to become a goat instead.

Why a goat?

Why not a...

A horse, or a bird?

Why are you a human?

Are you confronted by my question?

[Tina] Goats don't get confronted.

So, you are a human pretending to be a goat.

Not actually a goat, right?

I mean, I guess I'm pretending in the same way

as when I was human I was pretending to be human.

Okay.

You like being a goat?

[chuckles] Yeah, it's the best.

Why don't you tell me what it is

that you like about being a goat?

Have you been around goats before?

They get to just frolic in the sun,

and do whatever they want.

They've got no responsibilities of any kind.

They just eat and poop.

That sounds nice, but it's sort of, uh, limiting.

Not really a full life.

I don't see it that way, but you're free to.

Oh, by the way, your mother told me

that you have a one-year-old.

It's hard raising a child.

[Tina] Do you have kids?

[Dr. Morvareed] One.

My wife had a hard time for a while,

but eventually, things evened out for her.

Uh... [clears throat]

Do you feel depressed?

Not anymore.

[crunching]

The feathers went everywhere. My kitchen's a mess. My house is a mess, Gary.

It's becoming kind of obvious. Isn't it, honey?

-Baby, come on. -[Pam sighs, gasps] Doctor.

Doctor, is she crazy? What do you think?

Well, she's definitely having a minor psychotic episode.

Likely brought on by depression and stress.

But she does not seem to be a danger to herself or to others.

-Tell that to my testicles. -Can you fix it?

-His testicle? -No! My daughter.

Oh, she seems to be aware of what she's doing.

-Like I said, not a threat. -I looked it up online.

It seems like she's displaying major lycanthropic delusions.

I mean, we should probably institutionalize her, right?

We are not institutionalizing her, Gary!

[Dr. Morvareed] Well, in Tina's case, I think she just needs

anti-depression and a break, honestly.

-A break? -Yeah,

she's gone through a lot of hardships,

and needs time to reflect and process.

Thank God I'm gonna get my daughter back! [gasps]

Thank you, Doctor.

That will be $800.

Oh.

[Sasha] Mama!

[cheerful whimsical music]

Hello!

Beautiful daughter of mine.

Oh, I see you've helped yourself

to the contents of the fridge

and the cake I bought for Gary's birthday.

It's nice to see you eating people food,

and standing on two legs.

Maybe you'd like to eat one of these?

[snorts] Goats don't eat pills.

I'm pretty sure they do. They go to the...

Anyway, that's not the point.

The point is, you're not a goat. You're my daughter.

And if you take one of these, you might start to feel better

and wanna take care of your own daughter and,

and get ahold of your life!

-[cake thuds] -[Pam gasps]

I am a goat.

Now and forever.

The quicker you come to terms with that,

the better off we'll all be.

[Pam gasps]

Animal!

[hurried footsteps clack]

[cheerful music continues]

Tina!

Beautiful daughter of mine.

Where are you?

I made you a snack!

-[Tina bleats] -[gasps, screams]

Oh, hey, baby. How you doing?

I picked up another box of beef from Murphy's.

I know we got a freezer full, but they're hurting...

What's going on?

[muffled glass shatters]

[sighs]

So, when's dinner?

[whines]

-It's gonna be okay. -I can't take it anymore.

Well, what happened?

First--first she wouldn't take her pill.

And then she was all up in the trash!

-And then, Gary, she was on the roof. -On the roof?

I'm losing it, Gary! I'm losing it!

[sighs]

It's gonna be okay.

[gentle music]

[food crunches]

Tina, when you decided that you wanted to be a drummer

in a punk band, I just watched,

as your mother jumped out of her skin,

every single time you banged one of those cymbals.

And then you decided you wanted to be a painter,

and you covered the walls with your designs

and you massacred your mother's

tasteful paint selections for this house.

I just stood by, didn't I?

But this?

This right here?

This is too far, young lady!

Now, listen. You got one chance to take this pill.

If you don't take it, things are gonna get messy.

It's not wise to threaten a goat.

You are not a--

[breathes deeply]

Say goat. One more time.

No, no! Say it one more time.

Say goat, Tina.

-Goat. -[Gary screams]

That did it! That is it!

You're gonna take this.

You're gonna eat it, eat it!

[screams] God dang it! What is wrong with you?

Why are you like this?

Gary, stop it! That's my beautiful daughter!

[sighs] She is sick, Pam. She needs professional help!

No. No, no, no.

You are not taking her to a professional.

They'll take out part of her brain, and turn her into a zombie.

-I saw it in a movie! -She needs an exorcism.

What she needs is kindness and caring,

and understanding from her family.

She's gonna turn this around, Gary. You'll see.

She was such sweet girl.

[Tina farts]

[grunts]

I am sorry. I was a terrible mother!

I don't know. Maybe it was that preschool I sent you to.

They had all that experimental stuff with the farm animals.

I don't know, you got pregnant so young,

and then I should've been there for you.

I should've been there for you.

But you did poop on my dining table, Tina.

[Pam whimpers]

[mellow acoustic music]

♪ I give up trying ♪

♪ I'm tired ♪

♪ Can't keep on striving ♪

♪ I surrender ♪

♪ What might happen If I let go... ♪

Okay, so, as I understand it...

Yeah, I'm sorry, Gary. Could you explain it to me again?

[chuckles] Yeah, I completely understand.

It's the most ridiculous and outrageous story.

-No, no. -My stepdaughter, Tina,

is pretending that she's a goat

and I was hoping to put some sense into her head,

that she could stay here,

and learn what it's like to be a goat.

-Well, this ain't a goat farm. -Yeah, I know that.

-That's okay. -You know, I don't know what to tell you, Gary.

I already got too many mouths to feed as it is.

She'd just need to roam your fields and stay in your barn.

And I am sure after a couple of days of farm living,

she will be ready to come back home and act right.

Still, I don't know.

Well... [sighs]

I'll pay you $50 a day.

Well, hell, why didn't you start with that?

Mainly raise beef cattle, but she can sleep in the barn

with the lambs, I suppose.

Well, that'll do nicely.

This here's my brood. Jeremiah, Mary, Chewbacca.

Howdy.

Their mother was a big "Star Wars" fan.

This is the man here to buy the manure, Daddy?

No. No, he'll be by later.

This man is here to drop off his daughter

who thinks she's a goat,

and she is to live here till uh...

till she doesn't feel like it anymore, I suppose.

Why a goat?

Mind your manners, boy, or you'll get the saddle.

[Gary] Uh, you have a really nice family.

Yeah, their mother, God bless her soul, used to keep 'em whipped in shape,

acting as God intended, but... [sighs]

she ain't with us anymore. So they've gone down Satan's pathway, one too many times.

I am so sorry. When did she pass?

She didn't. She left us.

Moved to Florida to be closer to Disney World.

-Lives in Kissimmee. -[Tina] Kill you, old man!

[groans]

Damn you, Gary!

What the hell is this?

Slow it down.

Am I on a farm?

Oh, my god, Gary. This is perfect.

-It is? -Yeah.

Hey. Okay.

Loosen this rope, old man.

Name's Murphy.

And I don't believe I ever seen a talking goat.

You ever seen that before, Gary?

No, sir.

I don't think I ever have.

All right, Tina. Let's get you to your stable.

You loosen this rope, old man,

unless you wanna be choked with it!

Feisty.

All right. Let's see how that plays out.

Okay, Gary, I'll give you a call

if your problems get solved.

[trunk door slams]

Welcome home.

Wow. This looks cozy.

Yeah, I might wanna sleep under the stars.

I figure in here,

at least you won't shiver to your death overnight.

Some hay for you over there.

Sheep shouldn't have got too much manure on it.

[Murphy] Oats in the mornin'.

[sighs] This will do nicely.

What is daddy thinking letting some crazy girl

stay in the barn?

-Who knows? -What's it matter?

You're okay with some lunatic, who thinks she's a goat,

staying in the barn?

I think she's kinda cute.

You think all girls are kind of cute.

No.

She won't last a week out here.

Tina?

-Tina? -[door closes]

Oh, Gary. I can't find Tina anywhere!

We need to send out a search party.

No, no, no. She's not lost or anything like that.

I took her to some place that can help.

Did you take her to an asylum?

[chuckles] No, no. Nothing like that. I took her to a place that...

can help goat girls. They'll give her the love and the care that she deserves.

You have nothing to worry about.

Aww, thank you.

Gary, are they gonna electroshock my baby?

You have nothing to worry about.

[gentle music]

Go on now! Get your ass outside!

Get that zappy thing outta my face, or else it's going inside you.

Jeremiah! Quit it.

That thing's for cattle, not goats.

But it is time for you to start earning your keep, so,

you better get yourself chewing on that grass, you hear?

[gentle music continues]

All right. Now, go on and do it.

You seriously want me to eat grass?

I mean, unless you're not really a goat?

No. I'm a goat and I love grass.

Mm. Delicious.

I can't wait to eat this entire field.

Hey, you missed a spot.

[Mary] We'll be back later on to make sure you've done your part.

Try not to eat any sheep shit.

So, I was thinking about mowing, but later.

That girl acting right?

That some kinda joke?

Yeah, she's okay.

Grab a seat.

Family business needs discussed.

Now, as you're all aware,

last year wasn't great for the cattle market.

It was a hard year and we are hanging on

but by the grace of the good Lord.

I'm looking for ways to offset some of our loss.

No bad ideas. I'm willing to hear anything you got.

What about, uh...

We could do something extra with the cattle?

We're already selling 'em for meat, leather, and wool.

What about we, um, we do something

that can, like, make us money?

So, there are some real perverts in town.

What if we invite them to come to the farm

and charge them to have sex with the cows?

-Whoa! -What the fuck, Mary?

What? I don't see you bringing anything to the table!

No one is having sex with my cows!

Maybe we could sell some of the land.

Cows don't have enough room to graze, as it is,

but sadly, that might be it.

Sell it all, I say.

Why don't you boys have some dessert?

[melancholy piano music]

So, how serious is it, Daddy?

Serious as a frost before the harvest.

We'll figure something out.

Hey, you done pretty good with that grass,

but you missed a spot.

You did that one already.

Yeah, well what the hell you standing

like that for, anyway?

People stand up. Not goats.

Shut up, Jer.

That ice cream looks pretty good.

[chuckles] It's real good.

It's too bad you can't have none.

You can have some of mine, if you want.

No. Goats only eat hay and straw.

Goats can eat whatever the hell they want. Including ice cream.

Well, if that's the case, it shouldn't matter.

-What the hell, Jer? -Look, if she's a goat,

she can eat off the ground! Ain't a problem!

Yeah, but I was eating that!

Hey, you deserve better than that, miss.

Let me help you out.

[laughs] She's eating out of my hands.

Thank you.

[warm music]

What the hell?

-I know you're out there. -Oh, uh, sorry.

I was just checking on the sheep and stuff.

-How you getting on? -Pretty good.

This hay is comfy.

That's probably why they call it rolling in the hay.

Maybe.

I'm Chewbacca. Most people call me Chew.

Which do you prefer?

Well, I figured my mama named me Chewbacca for a reason.

But I don't get put down if people call me whatever.

I'm Tina.

Yeah, I know.

Dad said you've come to live with us for a while.

I guess I have.

I like your fur. It looks soft.

It is. You can touch it if you want.

Oh, uh, I'd better get back to my chores

before Dad threatens me with the whip again.

He's old, but that man is fierce.

Goodnight, Chewbacca.

Goodnight, Tina.

[sheep bleats]

Shut up. No, he doesn't.

Whichever y'all finishes breakfast first,

go get our, uh, lawnmower started on her day.

I'll go.

Something's wrong with Chew, Daddy.

Something's always been wrong with Chew.

Tina?

Tina?

[stomach grumbles]

You're at work nice and early.

Something in my stomach isn't sitting right.

Oh, maybe Jeremiah was right about goats

not being able to eat ice cream.

Oh, God!

Oh, don't look!

[Jeremiah laughs]

Farm life don't seem to agree with you now does it, girly?

-It hurts! -[Chewbacca] It's all right.

We'll call the doctor for you.

Goats don't see doctors!

All right, we'll call a vet!

Hurry!

I've definitely seen this on the internet.

-Hey, Mur. -Hey, Doc.

Thanks for coming out. Got a real interesting case for you.

Yeah, a goat you're looking after's

having some intestinal problem?

Yeah. Somethin' like that.

I didn't think you raised goats.

Me neither.

Is this some kind of prank, Murphy?

Ain't no prank, miss.

Just treat her like you would any other goat.

Okay.

I don't know what kind of sick shit it is

you've got going on here, Mur, but I want no part of it.

-Oh, no, no. -[Tina] Please don't leave.

My stomach really hurts.

Then go see a doctor!

Please just help me.

[sighs]

I'll leave you ladies to it.

Okay. Well... [sighs]

I'm Dr. Mercedes.

Tina.

You sure you wouldn't rather see a people doctor?

Please just make my stomach stop hurting.

[sighs] Okay. Let's see.

Oh, [passes gas] it's coming!

[passing gas, grunts]

Oh. Okay.

[sighs]

Okay. Well...

Stomach pain.

Diarrhea. Gas.

What has your diet consisted of lately?

I have been eating a lot of grass.

You have worms.

I have worms?

I mean, I can give you something

that should clear that right up,

but [sighs] are you being held here against your will?

Do you need help?

What? I live here in the barn.

-You live here? -Yeah, it's nice, right?

Okay.

Well, if you don't want worms again,

you'll stop doing whatever this is, and stop eating grass.

Just give me the pills.

We're gonna take it nice and slow tonight.

Really take the time. Work it right up in there.

All the way in there.

-[phone rings] -[sighs]

Blast. I'll be back in a second, okay?

Mm-hm. I'll get her all warmed up for you, baby.

-You do that. -[giggles]

-Hello? -[Murphy] Hi, Gary.

I needed to give you a call.

Tina come down with a case of the worms,

but we had the vet come out and she is on the mend.

Worms? That's great!

I bet she's close to giving up the goat, so to speak.

Actually, she's taken a real shining to our farm.

Yeah, and getting along well with the other animals.

Doing a heck of a job keeping the grass nice and trim.

[chuckles] Hell, I feel like I should be paying you.

Um... Actually,

if some sort of rehabilitation's

what your figure would be going on here,

I reckon you oughta find someplace else for her.

Oh, well, you know, if she's doing that great there,

then far be it from me to take her away.

You know what? I gotta run, Murphy.

Missus is calling. [chuckles]

Give her my love.

[sheeps bleat]

[Mary] All right, come on.

Come on!

Why are y'all so scared. Come on.

[Tina] Man, they're cute.

[Mary] Yeah.

I like your flannel.

Oh.

Thanks. My boyfriend Franklin gave it to me.

He's so sweet. I feel bad 'cause it's already got a hole right here, see?

I could fix that for you.

That's an odd trick for a goat.

[warm piano music]

-You're good at that. -[Tina] Thanks.

I used to enjoy making clothes.

Did you make your goat costume?

My mama used to sew up the holes,

back before she left us.

Things were a lot simpler back then.

-What happened to her? -It was a while back.

I think it all just became too much for her.

Living on the farm, raising three kids,

doing the same thing every day with the same people.

That wasn't the life she wanted. So, she left.

It hurts, but I respect her for it.

Hell, she got out at the right time, honestly.

How so?

I've said a lot already. I don't wanna bore you

or put my troubles on your shoulders.

Goats don't get bored.

Well, even in a banner year,

the farm makes just enough money to survive,

and these last few winters haven't been kind.

Once we sell the animals off for meat and hide,

I'm not sure we're gonna have enough to keep the farm going.

I am so sorry. I had no idea.

Like I said.

Don't wanna trouble you.

[warm music continues]

Hello.

[sheep bleat]

Oh, [chuckles] you're right.

[Tina bleats]

[sheep bleats]

[bleats]

[sheeps bleat]

-[Tina bleats] -[sheeps bleat]

Come on, girl. Come get this fruit.

Come on!

[sheep bleats]

[Tina bleats]

Come on. Get this fruit.

[Tina bleats]

[fruit crunches]

[chuckles]

[warm music continues]

[Jeremiah] That ain't right.

[Mary] Why does it bother you so much?

Well, you know Chew.

He's gonna fall head over for that girl,

and she decides she don't like a farm no more,

his heart's gonna be broken.

Nah. This ain't like it was with Susie Myers.

Or Mama. He'll be okay.

[Jeremiah] You agree with me, don't you, Daddy?

That girl ain't no good for Chew.

-Who? -Goat girl.

[Murphy] Bring some hay to the deep cattle.

[cow bellows]

[cow bellows]

[cow bellows]

-It's all right, I guess. -I don't know.

It seems really tiring working all day like that.

Oh, it's better than working at a desk.

And this way, I get to be on the earth and stuff.

Hey, Chew. Daddy wants you.

All right. See you around.

[Tina] See ya.

-I know what you're doing. -And what's that?

[chuckles] Why don't we take a little walk?

[suspenseful percussive music]

All right.

Now, since you're a goat, that means your livestock,

and livestock around here does not just go around,

all willy nilly, without being marked.

"Marked"?

Branded.

Are you being serious right now?

Well, you are a goat on this farm, ain't you?

You're outta your hick mind, if you think that's happening.

I ain't got to listen to the livestock.

[tense music continues]

What you want, Dad?

A six pack.

Uh, all right. You want me to head into town to get you one?

That's mighty Christian of you, son.

Uh, is there anything else you need?

Why are you asking me that? What do you want from me?

I don't know. Jeremiah said you needed me.

I don't know why that boy does anything he does.

[tense music continues]

[Chewbacca] Shit!

Hey. Hey, what about my six pack?

You better go on and get outta here!

[growls]

Yah! Yah! Go on now!

-I'm gonna brand your ass! -[Tina growls]

-[head thuds] -[Jeremiah groans]

-[flesh sizzles] -[Jeremiah screams]

Smells like barbecue!

[Jeremiah] This is fucked up.

You brought it on yourself, man.

Well, I thought she'd finally run away,

and get the hell outta here!

Why would you do that? Don't do that.

That girl's no good for you, Chew, and this proves it!

I like her, man. Don't mess this up for me.

You shouldn't be getting involved with people like her.

You're not my keeper.

Well, I don't wanna see you mope around the closet again

when she realizes this place sucks.

Y'all? Um...

-Why is your ass out? -The damn-

No, don't tell me. I don't wanna know.

Listen, I got something I gotta tell both of you,

before Daddy comes in.

Franklin asked me to move in with him.

[Jeremiah] Hey! Congratulations.

I'm glad someone's getting outta this shit hole.

So, you're moving out? -I mean,

I know Daddy's not gonna be pleased about it,

but I'll still come help out, most days.

Well, how often will you be back?

Well, I don't know, Chew.

I don't think the farm can survive without you.

Shut up! Just let her be happy.

What're you gonna tell Daddy?

I don't know.

Maybe to use Tina's free labor?

Well, I'm sure he'll understand, and if not, he can rot.

And we'll be fine here, but it'll be a cold day in hell

before I work with that goat bitch.

[Mary sighs]

-[wind blows] -[birds chirp]

[Sasha cries]

Oh, there there, my screeching little angel.

Grammy Pammy's here.

Oh, yeah. Somebody's a little fuss bucket, huh?

Yeah.

I know you miss your Mommy.

[Tina] How's Jeremiah's butt?

[Chewbacca] Ah, it's okay.

[Tina] Can't believe he came at me like that.

[Chewbacca] Yeah, he could be real wicked, Jeremiah,

but he ain't all badness.

[Tina] Yeah, you, Mary and Murphy all kinda look alike,

but Jeremiah, I don't know.

Is he adopted?

[Chewbacca] I don't know.

[Tina] Hey, what's the matter?

[Chewbacca] What you mean?

You're shoveling the shit kinda sadly.

Oh, uh...

I guess I'm sad 'cause Mary's moving in with her boyfriend.

What? Why are you sad about that?

You should be happy.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

You know, Jeremiah and Ma look a lot alike,

and Jer was her favorite.

So it hit him the hardest when she left.

And now Mary's leaving.

I hate when people leave.

I know what you mean.

Oh, my mom was a mess when my dad left.

And Gary and I have never seen eye to eye,

but he does right by my mom.

[Chewbacca] When did your dad leave?

When I was eight. I haven't seen him since.

[Chewbacca] Wow.

I'm sorry.

Heard the farm's in trouble from Mary.

Yeah, and her moving out won't help.

I wish I could solve the problems, but making money's hard.

Amen.

What're you gonna do if you lose the farm?

I don't know.

Really? Nothing else you wanna do?

Little Chewbacca didn't wanna be an astronaut?

[chuckles]

I never figured on doing anything else.

I have to be here.

Well, I wanted to be an astronaut.

Then I wanted to be a musician,

and then a fashion designer.

Yada yada.

I thought you wanted to be a goat?

I think you'd make a good goat.

Well, maybe if we lose the farm, that's what I'll do.

[Tina chuckles]

-[Pam] Tina? -Mom?

[gasps] Are you still in that thing?

You haven't washed it since you've been here?

Mom, you've come to the farm.

Oh, I'm your mom now, am I?

I didn't know goats could have moms.

How else would other goats be born?

I don't know! How else could other humans be born, huh?

Well, this little human is your little human,

and this little human wants her human mommy back.

-No, thanks. -[Pam] I am tired of this.

You need to come and take care of your child.

I've let this go on long enough!

-Mom. -Tina, I am begging you!

Take your child!

-Mom, I can't right now. -[Pam] Okay!

I'm just gonna leave her here, right in the dirt!

You can't just ignore her, can you?

You can't just let her die!

Don't you worry, my sweet little grand baby.

Your mommy's gonna do the right thing. I just know it.

[playful music]

[Tina whimpers]

Hey. Uh, Ma'am?

I don't think it's the best idea to leave a baby here.

Tina?

[hay rustles]

-[Tina grunts] -Tina?

Uh, I don't know what to do with this here baby.

[Tina bleats]

-Yeah, I hear you, but... -[bleats]

Tina, you can't just scream your way out of this.

[Tina screams]

Well, I guess you can scream your way outta this.

[gentle chime music]

[Pam sighs]

[Jeremiah] What kind of psychopath abandons her baby to be a goat?

You trying to get an ass whooping, donkey?

No, no, no, she's perfect for you. Just like Mama.

Ready to abandon her baby at the drop of a hat.

[Mary] Here we go!

[playful music]

-[fist thuds] -[Jeremiah groans]

[whimpers]

-Hey. -I'm not here!

[Jeremiah] Don't let me find you, Chew!

I'm gonna bust your ass when I do!

Can I help you?

I don't come into your home and mess with your things.

That's exactly what you're doing.

-[Tina] Oh, whatever. -Yeah, whatever.

-Thanks. -Yeah.

Hey, he's just mad 'cause I punched him in the cock.

That does make people mad.

Are you all right? You seem upset.

I'm fine. Goats don't get upset.

You know, Mary loves babies.

She's gonna take good care of your little girl.

Hey, we'll keep her fed and everything until...

I don't know...

Uh...

Life's hard.

Yeah.

There are things that we think we want,

and then there are things we know we shouldn't have.

And there are feelings that we don't know

if I should listen to them, or ignore them.

What I'm saying is you could talk to me, if you want.

I appreciate that.

People expect you to be things for them.

Things like a mother, or a daughter,

or a lover, or a host of other things, and I hated it

I hated having all these expectations around my neck.

But being a goat?

I'm free of all that.

I don't have to be anything for anybody.

I get to just be Tina.

Hey, what the hell, dude?

But I like you.

Did you not hear anything I just said?

I heard it, but I like you

and how-- I thought you liked me?

Do you not like me?

I'm a goat, Chewbacca, and you're a farmer.

[Chewbacca] So what?

So, it's not right.

People get it on with animals all the time, Tina.

-It's okay. -That's disgusting!

Please leave.

Wait. I didn't mean it like that.

Look. I don't understand what's going on with you.

I think you're being a goat because you don't wanna do

the BS that everybody has to do every day.

But has your life really gotten any better?

You don't know a thing about me or what I'm doing, okay?

You're just some sad little farmer boy

who misses his mama, can't get over it.

I'm a good man and I deserve to be happy and love someone. All right?

And why would I wanna be with someone who could just

throw away their own kid like that?

Jeremiah was right about you.

[fist thuds]

That's for whacking me in the dick!

[door creaks]

[door closes]

How could you leave her in a place like that, Gary?

I thought it would help.

You said it would fix it.

Now she's more of a goat than she was before.

She's eating grass and dirt.

What happened to my beautiful daughter?

Hey, hey, hey.

Baby. Baby.

[Gary sighs]

How about you and I, we just...

-get away from all this, huh? -Gary.

How about we get away from all these bad vibes?

-I don't wanna go anywhere. -Oh, come on, baby.

I don't wanna do anything, Gary.

Baby!

You've been upset about this long enough.

It's time for you to break outta the slump you're in, hm?

Don't.

-[Gary] What? try to make you feel better? -No.

You're trying to make you feel better, Gary!

-Oh, come on. -Oh, no!

You are always trying to minimize my emotions.

I'm sad, Gary, okay?

And I'm depressed, okay? I just can't be the...

happy, smiling wife you always wanted!

-I'm not asking for that! -Oh, yes, you are.

How does this turn into you being mad at me,

when it's Tina that's making you act like this?

It's Tina now, is it?

Why don't she just blame Tina

for all the problems in the world?

Oh, wah, wah, wah!

Why don't you cry me some more about it?

Oh, you scoundrel!

You scoundrel!

I always knew you were an asshole.

[sighs] My mother was right about you!

Pam, baby.

Come on, there has to be something I can say

or do to make you stay!

[Gary groans]

-[car door slams] -[car starts]

[car engine revs]

[thunder rumbles]

[somber music]

-This looks great. -Mm-hm.

So, Daddy, there's something

I wanna talk to you about.

-What the hell? -No swearing.

Oh, so sorry. There was no more food!

So, you know that me and--

Don't waste food! Go on, Mary.

[doorbell rings]

[screams]

Damn that thing!

Looks like your girlfriend's at the door.

She's not!

-This is bullshit. -[Murphy] No swearing.

-What's up his ass? -[door bell rings]

Jesus! Will someone answer the damn door?

I'm moving in with Franklin!

I'll still be close by and I'll be back to work every day.

[rain splashes]

Well! [chuckles]

Ain't you a sight for sore eyes?

Can I talk to Mary?

You can talk to me.

I'm on my time of the month and I was hoping

maybe Mary had some pads in the house?

On the rag, huh?

Now, what would a goat need with a pad?

Do you prefer I bleed all over the place?

Well, I can give you a diaper!

I'm not wearing a diaper.

Well, you know, see, typically,

we lock the livestock up out there in the barn,

so the wolves don't get you.

Jeremiah, I am seriously asking you for help right now.

The way you abandoned your baby so easily? Honestly?

You should be sterilized.

Why are you so cruel to me?

-[bleak music] -[rain splashes]

[Jeremiah] What the hell?

[dark music]

[Tina screams]

[thunder booms]

Just fucking hit me.

[Lloyd] Tina?

Lloyd?

What are you doing out here in the rain?

[car door slams]

Let's get you inside.

[gentle piano music]

[Tina] Did Pam get you to come here?

I talked to her.

Thought she was lying, when she said you were living on a farm.

Why are you in a costume?

I'm a goat.

Come on. Do you really think this is gonna work?

I'm making it work.

I just can't believe that you would go to this extent

to not sign the divorce papers.

I'm kidding, okay?

Look, I am ecstatic that you didn't sign them.

Leaving you and Sasha was the biggest mistake of my life.

-I love you. -How dare you.

-I know you're upset. -Upset?

You left us, Lloyd.

I felt stifled, okay? I thought I wanted freedom.

You can understand that, right?

-No, I can't. -Come on.

Isn't it what this whole goat thing is about?

Freedom to do what you want, when you want?

The freedom to just exist?

It's not as free as you'd think.

It's just, I kept thinking about when we were young and...

crazy, like the time I got tickets for us

to go to Alaska for your birthday, right?

And we spent four days not sleeping,

and drinking and laughing.

I just want us to go back to the good times.

We can't go back to how it was. Life is messy and hard.

Yeah, it's gonna be rocky at times,

but we'll get through it together.

Life sucks, but...

with you, it's okay.

[chuckles] Thank you.

So, come on. Let's get Sasha. Let's get outta this barn.

We're not going anywhere with you.

[chuckles] What?

I always want you to be a part of Sasha's life, but...

you left.

Some things can't be undone.

This is who I am now.

[scoffs]

[rain splashes]

I really hope you find what you're looking for with this!

[car door slams]

[groans]

[sobs]

[sobbing]

[birds chirp]

Gary?

All right. Let's go.

Hey, let go of me!

I never thought I'd meet the perfect woman.

And she is perfect for me, your mom.

Perfect for me and everything I'm into, in so many ways,

but you, you do something that makes her crazy

and you're making me crazy, and it's killing her!

So, we are gonna do whatever it takes

to make you better again, for her!

[Tina] Let me go, Gary! I'm not going with you!

-[fabric tears] -[Gary grunts]

If there's no more goat for you to be,

then you can't be a goat!

-[foot thuds] -[Gary groans]

Tina, come back! You have to come back, Tina.

-I won't! -You have to! I have to prove to your mother

that I can fix you! Tina, come on! You've gotta come back!

-Get away, Gary! -Tina, Tina!

I belong here!

Tina!

Come, Tina. Come on!

[groans]

Hands off my livestock.

Tina, you have to come back!

I'm sorry, Gary, but I belong here.

Deal's off.

[brooding piano music]

That was wild.

I'ma go throw some cow shit at her.

Seriously? Don't you feel bad for her?

Hell no! How can you even say that when you're holding her baby?

If anything, you should feel bad!

Jerry, there is a big difference

between being kind of a dick and being a total dick,

and you are leaning toward the wrong side of the sack.

[chuckles] Wait. Did you just come up with that?

I'm serious!

Everyone is human.

Everyone is flawed.

And everyone deserves a bit of grace from time to time.

Here.

Hey!

I'm-I'm Jeremiah.

It's nice to meet you. [chuckles]

Wow. You are adorable.

[birds chirp]

Hey, Chew?

Are you in here?

[Chewbacca] Go away!

First you don't want me to leave,

now you want to get rid of me?

You're gonna give me whiplash.

Hey.

[gentle piano music]

I'm sorry, Chew.

I know you don't want me to leave,

but that's part of life.

Leaving home, sometimes.

Maybe Tina will stay, and then who knows

what might happen between you two?

Nothing's gonna happen.

She definitely wants to be all over that knobby,

gangly body of yours.

No, she doesn't!

I tried to kiss her, it got weird!

I don't wanna talk about it!

-Go away. -[Mary] Chew.

Look.

I think that girl likes you,

but if she doesn't, it's her loss,

because you are handsome, and you're caring,

and loyal and kind.

And you're gonna make someone a really,

really good husband, one day.

-You really think so? -[Mary] Yeah.

Yeah. I really, really think so.

Now quit being a whiny little bitch

and get up out the closet.

-Okay. -[Mary] Okay.

[gentle orchestral music]

You know, we held onto these,

'cause I was convinced she was coming back and...

I thought she'd really appreciate that we held onto 'em.

-Aww. -Oh, don't do that.

I was convinced, you know? But...

She was sensitive.

And he was devastated.

And you came out here and...

we don't get a lot of women on the farm

and all I could think is he's gonna get attached

and have his heart broken.

I don't wanna break anyone's heart.

Well, anyway, you can wear these, if you want to.

Thanks, but goats don't wear clothes.

-Why are you doing this? -I'm not doing anything.

Why are you a goat and not a person?

Goats have it easier than people.

[Jeremiah] Do they?

Goats don't have responsibilities.

They don't have to abide by the unwritten laws of society.

They get to just be goats and take it easy.

From where I'm sitting, it don't look that easy.

Anyway. You wanna help me bring this hay into the barn?

Can I have a pad first?

The mark on my ass says no.

[gentle music continues]

[Mary] I got something for you.

Oh, thanks.

Hey, congrats, by the way. You moving out?

Yeah. I'm a little scared about leaving the farm.

I've been here my whole life.

God, I make it sound like I'm going more than

five miles down the road.

[Tina chuckles]

Well, I'm happy for you.

I hope it works out with you and Franklin.

He's the one.

Mm, that's what I thought when I married Lloyd.

Chew... [sighs]

Chew likes you.

I know.

Do you like him?

He's really sweet, and gentle and earnest.

But so was Lloyd, once upon a time,

and I just need my life to be simple.

Well, whatever happens, [sighs]

I hope you stay here,

and fill in the hole that I leave when I move out.

I think you're good for this farm.

Yeah?

I gotta go put in this pad.

Right. Okay.

[gentle music continues]

-That's fine work. -Oh, thanks, Murphy.

Hey, there's something I've been wanting to talk to you about.

So, I've got this friend who teaches yoga and she has a class with animals.

I was thinking that since you already have so many here,

you could start something where people from the city

get to interact with the animals and you charge 'em for it?

It'll be cold in the earth before I let hippies come here and do yoga with my cows!

Okay, not yoga. I was thinking like video calls?

You could call it "Calls With Cows".

You're telling me people would pay money

[chuckles] to have a call with a cow?

Get a slick website, people will pay for almost anything.

If you think enough people will buy it, I'm all for it.

[gentle music continues]

-[Chewbacca] Hey. -Hey. What're you doing?

Well, you said I'd make a good goat.

Here. I got you one, too.

I know it's not as fancy as yours, but,

I figured since yours is all torn up...

Tina, I'm really sorry about what I said the other day.

I like you and if I have to be a goat to be with you,

I'm gonna be the best damn goat there is.

Except for you, of course.

You'd do that for me?

And more.

[warm orchestral music]

We're gonna have nasty goat sex.

-[lively trumpet music] -[Tina bleats]

[elephant trumpets]

[both bleat]

[elephant trumpets]

And that was goat sex.

And it was pretty bad.

-Did you just make a goat pun? -Mm-hm.

I'm gonna have to reevaluate this whole situation.

Shut up.

[upbeat music]

[both slurp]

I have to go to the bathroom.

Go ahead.

No, I mean I have to go to the bathroom.

You're a goat now. Just lift your flap and go for it.

What, here?

The world is your toilet.

I'm a shy pooper.

[Mary giggles] Oh, oh!

What in the sam hell am I looking at here?

It's all right, Daddy! Chew decided he was gonna be a goat, too!

Ain't no son of mine gonna be a goat.

It's all right, Pops. It's not as bad as it looks.

I'll still get all my chores done. I promise.

I will not have you bring this embarrassment upon me.

What would your mother have thought?

Don't look. It's shameful.

It's all right, Chew. Mama would've been okay with it.

[gentle music]

[Chewbacca sighs]

[Tina] You okay?

I just can't get comfortable.

This is a lot harder than I thought it would be.

[sighs] Me too.

Really?

I thought you made it look so easy.

Oh, no. It's really hard.

But it is what it is, I guess

[sighs] I miss my bed.

Well, you know, a goat can sleep in a bed.

[sighs] I miss cooked food.

You don't miss things from being a human?

I miss my baby.

Well, she's in the house. I can go get her if you--

No!

No.

I...

I could be dangerous.

Okay.

You think I'm a bad mother.

No.

I think you're a goat.

They say when your baby's born,

you'll feel this overwhelming love.

But I didn't feel that for her.

They put her in my arms and...

I just felt empty.

I thought I'd get better.

Maybe it has, a little, but...

I don't know, Chewbacca.

Sometimes, I have these dark, dark thoughts

and how can I be a good mother to Sasha,

if I'm having these terrible thoughts?

Thoughts are just thoughts.

Everyone has weird ideas, sometimes.

Not like this.

When I was 16, I liked this girl named Susie,

and I followed her, all around the fair,

waiting to ask her out.

Of course, she knew I was following her,

but didn't know why.

She freaked out and told the police I was stalking her.

When I finally got the courage to ask her out,

things went south, really fast.

I had some bad thoughts that night.

Really bad.

The important thing is not to act on those crazy thoughts.

I'm sorry you went through that, but...

it doesn't change the fact that I'm a bad mother to Sasha.

Trust me when I tell you,

a flawed mom is better than no mom.

[sighs] It's disgusting in here.

-You came back? -I just came to get my pills.

I'm just gonna get them and go.

No, no, no. You don't have to, you know.

[sighs] Yes, I do.

Oh, no.

Jesus, Gary. Don't do that.

I went to visit Tina to try to convince her to be a person

so that things could get back to normal and...

I failed. And it doesn't matter, I realized it's okay

because she can come and be with us, and she could be a goat

and we'll let her be a goat. And, I mean, she could be a lion

and she could chew us all up,

if that's what it takes to make you come back home.

I don't know, Gary.

This has been hard for me.

And I didn't do the right thing multiple times,

and I know that, and I know what I did was wrong.

And I just want a chance to re-earn your trust.

You can't just take a box,

and spill out all the contents and then shove it back in.

-It doesn't work like that. -I can try. Let me try.

[sighs] I don't know, Gary.

One chance?

Okay.

Okay?

Okay.

Jesus, Gary!

When was the last time you brushed your teeth?

Sorry.

-[Tina growls] -[ominous music]

[Mercedes] Okay, good. One more big push!

[Tina grunts]

[ominous music continues]

[Chewbacca bleats]

[suspenseful orchestral music]

Hey.

Oh, I got a surprise for you!

Oh, no. I can't.

Look at her! Look how happy she is!

[gasps]

[warm music]

My baby.

Oh, baby.

Mommy missed you so much.

I am so sorry I abandoned you.

I will never leave you again.

I know it's been hard, but...

maybe this'll make things easier.

No, she's a goat. This isn't what I want.

[Chewbacca] What do you want?

I don't know.

Can I think about it?

-[distant waves crash] -[warm music continues]

Figure out what you want?

Yes.

Well?

I want a cheeseburger.

And my phone and a hot shower and...

Oh, my God. I want out of this costume.

[chuckles]

-[fire crackles] -[upbeat music]

[fire crackles]

What about that thing?

I think I'm gonna keep it, for now.

Welcome, little lady.

My name is Murphy and it is a pleasure to finally meet you.

I'm Tina.

And I'm a person.

Well, Tina, how'd you like a hot shower

and a home cooked meal?

I'd be honored.

But let's start with the shower.

Oh, I thought you had to go into the station and check-

Some people are fluent in Spanish.

No, they flew it from here to there.

That too has the same word, different meaning.

No, no.

Like to, too and two.

They flew.

I think I like you better as a human.

-Yeah? -Yeah.

But the sex was better when we were goats.

-Ooh. -Put it on.

Bah.

Hey.

Hey. We're set to jet.

All right. I'm gonna go say goodbye.

-Will you tell her it's time? -Yeah, okay.

[Mary] Well... [sighs] it's time.

I can't believe it's finally happening.

Bye bye, baby girl.

-[Tina] It's okay. -Bye bye! Bye!

Somehow, you ended up being the least weird person here.

-Take care of them for me. -I will.

I'm happy for you, Mary.

I'll be back so often you won't even know I'm gone, Chew.

[Jeremiah] I'm proud of ya.

Franklin's got a few screws loose,

but I think you'll bust him into shape.

You know now that I'm gone,

you're gonna have to pick up slack?

I'm counting on you, Jerry.

[Jeremiah] Yeah, yeah.

Well, all right. So long.

Daddy?

I don't have the right words to say to you, so,

I got you something instead.

Oh, you didn't have...

Well, I'm back!

Mom!

[triumphant music]

[Carol chuckles] Okay!

[Chewbacca sobs]

Oh, I'm so sorry for leaving ya.

But I'm here to stay.

All right. That's enough. [chuckles]

Well? Ain't you gonna give me a kiss?

You leave for 15 years, just walk back in,

like I ain't praying for you every day

since you've been gone?

You bet I do!

So, you better get onboard!

Come here!

[both laugh]

-Hello, Murph. -Welcome home, Ma.

[Carol] Oh!

[cheerful orchestral music]

Well, who is this hussy?

And why is she wearing my good dress?

That's my girlfriend, Ma!

I'm Tina, and I'm a person.

Okay. [laughs]

She's a little weird, but I like her!

[chuckles]

[Pam] So, she's just in the barn, with the sheep?

[Gary] I'm pretty sure that's the pen she was in.

-Hi. Tina? We've come to talk to you. -[sheep bleats]

And to tell you how sorry we are,

and that we only ever wanted what was best for you.

And I know I acted wrong about it,

but everything I did was from the heart, and I'm really sorry.

Ditto.

And we want to ask you to come back to live with us.

And if you want to be a goat, we accept it.

And if you wanna stay here and live as a goat,

that's fine, too, as long as we can visit,

and see our little jelly bean and you.

[Tina] Hey, what're you two doing?

-Tina. [chuckles] -Tina!

We thought you were in with the sheep.

Me? [chuckles] A sheep?

Preposterous.

-[gasps] -Hey.

You're not a goat.

She's not a goat.

-She's not a goat. -She's not a goat. [chuckles]

[Pam] And you're sure?

[Tina] Yeah. I really like it here.

[Gary] I never pegged you for a farmer.

[Tina] Well, the work is hard, but fulfilling.

[Pam] And what about your sewing?

I can still pursue it, while I live here on the farm,

making clothes for me and the boys.

You know, more as a hobby than a career?

I think that is very mature of you.

I know. It's gross, right?

[chuckles]

[Tina] Say bye to Grandma!

Bye bye, Grandma! Say bye bye.

-Bye bye. -Bye bye!

Yeah, bye bye! Say bye bye.

-You ready to come in for dinner? -Yeah. In a minute.

I just wanna enjoy the air a little while longer.

You all right?

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a donkey?

[cheerful music]

I have been eating a lot of grass.

I'ma go throw some cow shit at her.

This close! You know I hate it when you do that.

So, you don't have the rent money?

That's not the point. The point is you're not a goat.

You need to be more in the now. Like the goats.

Are you being held here against your will? Do you need help?

Quit being a whiny little bitch and get up out the closet.

Oh, and a goat pooped on her.

Smells like barbecue!

If you don't take it, things are gonna get messy.

Hands off my livestock.

[chuckles]

Well? Ain't you gonna give me a kiss?

Are you confronted by my question?

Okay, last item on the agenda.

We know that it's been a challenging year,

and so corporate thought that it would be a nice treat

to have a special guest.

Please welcome Tina.

Hello, there. Um, have a cow.

[cheerful music]