Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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[man] Seven, six, five, four...
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00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000
Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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00:00:09,209 --> 00:00:10,310
Going live.
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00:00:10,610 --> 00:00:13,646
-[upbeat intro music plays]
-[cheering and applause]
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00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,850
What you are about to see is true.
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Only the names and faces have been
left unchanged to protect the innocent.
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[cheering]
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[Rob] Ladies and gentlemen,
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tonight we have an absolutely
spectacular show for you.
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00:00:28,762 --> 00:00:32,132
In living color from the Dolby Theatre
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00:00:32,198 --> 00:00:35,435
it's Still Laugh-In: The Stars Celebrate.
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Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
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-Here's Laugh-In.
-[laughter]
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Very interesting.
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One ringy-dingy.
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-Bippy.
-Bippy.
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-Bippy.
-[sings]
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[laughs]
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[screams]
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♪ Blondes aren't necessarily dumber ♪
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♪ Than redheads ♪
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Sock it to me?
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[screaming]
25
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-Is that a chicken joke?
-Oh!
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[imitates walrus]
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The sky is blue, the grass is green.
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Get off your butt and join the Marines.
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Oh, pop goes the weasel!
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-[laughter]
-[sings]
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There's kind of a kind of a...
Kind of a... People just, you know, it's--
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-Got ya!
-[laughs]
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[screaming]
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-[applause]
-[laughter]
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-Hey, man.
-Hey, Cher, of Sonny and Cher.
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What am I doing on a show like this?
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-I must be crazy.
-[laughing]
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And that's the truth.
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[cheering]
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[Rob] Starring Lily Tomlin,
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Tiffany Haddish,
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Neil Patrick Harris,
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Michael Douglas,
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Snoop Dogg,
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Billy Crystal,
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Chelsea Handler,
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Jay Leno,
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Rita Wilson,
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Bill Maher,
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Tony Hale,
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Rita Moreno,
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Bobby Moynihan,
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Michael Rapaport,
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Mary McCormack,
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Jon Lovitz,
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Kenya Barris.
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With special guests,
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Ruth Buzzi, Jo Anne Worley.
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Featuring Loni Anderson, Maria Bamford,
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Margaret Cho,
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Deon Cole,
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Taye Diggs, Ron Funches,
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Nikki Glaser, Jameela Jamil,
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Natasha Leggero, Loni Love,
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Cheri Oteri, Russell Peters,
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Jeff Ross, Lisa Ann Walter,
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and yours truly, Rob Riggle.
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[cheering]
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Now, please welcome Tiffany Haddish
and Neil Patrick Harris.
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-Yeah!
-[cheering and applause]
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Look at you!
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[Tiffany laughs]
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Welcome, everybody.
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I am so excited to be here tonight.
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I am, too.
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This is Still Laugh-In:
The Stars Celebrate,
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and we're the stars.
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And we're definitely celebrating.
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-Yes, we are.
-[laughs]
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[cheering]
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[burps]
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[laughter]
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-[gurgles]
-[Tiffany laughs]
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-It's good.
-But we're not the only stars.
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Some of the funniest people in comedy
are joining us for the party.
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-Uh-huh. I have been so ready for this.
-[Neil] Mmm.
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And look at us.
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-Look at us.
-Mmm.
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We are dressed
like we're going to the prom!
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-[cheering]
-[Neil chuckles]
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Although we're not a couple,
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for obvious reasons.
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-[Tiffany] Mm-hmm.
-[laughter]
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I'm... Episcopalian.
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And I'm Jewish.
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[laughter]
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And we know some people in here
frown upon that.
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That's right.
We're going straight to hell.
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[Tiffany chuckles]
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And this is gonna be
one hell of a party, segue,
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-because we are here to pay tribute...
-[audience cheers]
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...to one of the most groundbreaking shows
in television history.
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Groundbroken!
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Yeah, it was cutting-edge.
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Mmm, razor-sharp!
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-It was... [laughs]
-[audience laughter]
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-Innovative.
-Turnt!
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[laughter]
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Turnt! You bet your sweet bippy
it was turnt!
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[laughter]
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What the hell is a "bippy"?
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[laughter]
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A "bippy". It's a phrase
that was dope in 1969.
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-Did you just say "dope"?
-Word.
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Ooh, I love this.
I've never had my own white boy before.
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[laughter]
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That's cool, 'cause I've never had...
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Watch yourself.
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[laughter]
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I've never had the pleasure
of sharing the stage
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with anyone as talented as you.
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Thank you. [laughs]
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[cheering]
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[sighs happily]
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And we are doing it in a way
that has never been seen before.
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Sounds so dirty. [laughs]
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[laughter]
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-That tongue.
-[laughing] But...
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But Laugh-In was unlike anything
that had ever been seen before.
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That's true. When the show premiered,
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there was an unpopular president
in the White House,
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00:04:49,422 --> 00:04:51,658
there was fighting overseas
and here at home.
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Mm-hmm. There was racial discrimination
and sex discrimination,
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the NRA had too much damn power,
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and most of us felt
like we didn't have anything.
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-We didn't have any power.
-It's true.
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Sounds very 2019.
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[laughter]
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00:05:05,738 --> 00:05:09,809
And since tonight
is about celebrating Laugh-In,
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let's start the way they did.
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Let's go to the cocktail party.
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[cheering]
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[dance music plays]
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[cheering and applause]
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00:05:30,296 --> 00:05:31,931
According to a new study,
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seniors are
the most frequent binge drinkers.
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00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:35,902
[laughter]
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Followed closely by juniors, sophomores,
and freshmen.
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[laughter]
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[cheering]
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[dance music plays]
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00:05:43,910 --> 00:05:46,079
Reverend Mother, get over here quickly.
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00:05:46,145 --> 00:05:48,614
There's a bunch of people here
and they're all flying.
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-[laughter]
-[dance music plays]
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[cheering]
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How is this show like the Titanic?
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[applause]
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It gives me a sinking feeling.
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00:06:02,228 --> 00:06:03,596
-[laughter]
-[dance music plays]
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Hey, remember the good old days
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00:06:08,401 --> 00:06:10,737
when they called
illegal immigrants "pilgrims"?
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-[laughter]
-[dance music plays]
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It's all in how you look at it.
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What you call "riots",
we call "group therapy".
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-[laughter]
-[dance music plays]
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I don't shop at Forever 21.
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[cheering]
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I shop at Not That Great 48.
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[laughter]
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[dance music plays]
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Hi. I'm Deon Cole.
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[cheering]
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Hey, what are you doing?
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Swiping you to the right.
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Ooh, you're a sexy motherfucker.
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[laughs]
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-[dance music plays]
-[cheering]
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00:06:52,044 --> 00:06:55,248
There's a new car coming out
with a rotary engine.
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It still pollutes the air,
but with smoke rings.
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00:06:58,885 --> 00:07:00,219
-[laughter]
-[dance music plays]
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[cheering]
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00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:06,626
Oh.
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00:07:06,692 --> 00:07:07,627
[laughs]
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00:07:07,693 --> 00:07:08,961
[audience laughter]
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00:07:11,397 --> 00:07:13,399
I thought it was that camera. Last time--
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00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:15,735
I'm on TV.
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00:07:16,302 --> 00:07:17,837
[laughter]
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00:07:18,204 --> 00:07:23,276
Hello, I'm Jon Lovitz,
comedian/Instagram model.
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00:07:23,342 --> 00:07:24,644
[laughter]
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00:07:26,679 --> 00:07:28,047
[cheering and applause]
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00:07:30,183 --> 00:07:34,153
Now, while I'm known around the world
for my charitable works,
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00:07:34,220 --> 00:07:37,757
my proudest achievement is when I won
the catchphrase of the century
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00:07:37,824 --> 00:07:41,260
for my character, the pathological liar,
on Saturday Night Live.
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00:07:41,327 --> 00:07:42,628
-[cheering]
-Thank you.
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00:07:44,096 --> 00:07:47,567
"Yeah, that's the ticket"
launched my career.
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As every famous comedian knows,
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00:07:50,169 --> 00:07:53,306
you're doomed if you don't have
a killer catchphrase.
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00:07:53,372 --> 00:07:55,942
Larry the Cable Guy, "Git-R-Done."
199
00:07:56,175 --> 00:07:59,245
Jeff Foxworthy, "You might be a redneck."
200
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:02,448
And Bill Cosby,
"Hey, hey, hey, drink this."
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00:08:02,515 --> 00:08:04,083
[laughter]
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00:08:07,119 --> 00:08:07,987
Ooh.
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00:08:08,387 --> 00:08:09,322
[chuckles]
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00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,391
But what people don't realize
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00:08:12,458 --> 00:08:14,927
is that the comedy catchphrase
was invented
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00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:18,097
by the scientists
of the Laugh-In Institute for Laughs.
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00:08:18,731 --> 00:08:20,032
Yeah, that's the ticket.
208
00:08:22,635 --> 00:08:24,136
A gracious "hello."
209
00:08:24,203 --> 00:08:26,372
Is this the party to whom I am speaking?
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00:08:26,439 --> 00:08:27,673
Uh, information?
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00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:31,010
Yeah, listen. I'm in...
I'm in beautiful downtown Burbank.
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00:08:31,077 --> 00:08:32,645
Can you get me an outside line?
213
00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:35,781
Yes, I'd like to call America.
214
00:08:35,848 --> 00:08:37,683
[shrill laughter]
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00:08:37,750 --> 00:08:39,585
You bet your sweet bippy!
216
00:08:40,119 --> 00:08:43,789
-I bet my sweet bippy and lost it!
-What did he say?
217
00:08:43,856 --> 00:08:46,292
Look that up in your Funk and Wagnall's.
218
00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:50,062
I don't understand a word she said,
but when she says it...
219
00:08:50,129 --> 00:08:51,764
[laughs] ...who cares?
220
00:08:51,831 --> 00:08:53,900
Well, ring my chimes.
221
00:08:53,966 --> 00:08:55,268
[cash register chimes]
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00:08:55,334 --> 00:08:57,270
A one for the money, two for the show...
223
00:08:57,336 --> 00:08:59,639
Here come da judge, he gonna get you.
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00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:01,941
♪ Swear to tell the truth
And you better come clean ♪
225
00:09:02,008 --> 00:09:04,443
♪ 'Cause here come da judge
And he looks mighty mean ♪
226
00:09:04,510 --> 00:09:06,712
♪ Here come da judge
Here come da judge ♪
227
00:09:06,779 --> 00:09:07,813
♪ Here come da judge ♪
228
00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:09,282
Very interesting.
229
00:09:09,348 --> 00:09:12,885
I think that you are
very interesting, too.
230
00:09:12,952 --> 00:09:13,786
[both laugh]
231
00:09:13,853 --> 00:09:14,720
Sock it to me.
232
00:09:14,787 --> 00:09:15,655
Sock it to me.
233
00:09:15,721 --> 00:09:17,456
-Sock it to me.
-Sock it to me.
234
00:09:17,523 --> 00:09:19,292
Sock it to me, sock it to me,
sock it to me,
235
00:09:19,358 --> 00:09:21,394
sock it to me, sock it to me. laughs]
236
00:09:23,729 --> 00:09:24,564
Night, Dick.
237
00:09:24,630 --> 00:09:26,032
-Goodnight, Dick.
-Dick?
238
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:30,836
Ladies and gentlemen, Lily Tomlin,
Ruth Buzzi, and Jo Anne Worley.
239
00:09:30,903 --> 00:09:32,471
[cheering]
240
00:09:33,839 --> 00:09:36,309
Oh, my God.
241
00:09:37,843 --> 00:09:39,412
Wow!
242
00:09:45,117 --> 00:09:46,419
Thank you so much.
243
00:09:53,292 --> 00:09:55,227
[Lily laughs] Oh!
244
00:09:55,861 --> 00:09:59,131
Oh, my God, we all thank you so much.
245
00:09:59,365 --> 00:10:01,233
And as we're seeing tonight,
246
00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:03,936
Laugh-In was funny.
247
00:10:04,003 --> 00:10:05,304
[cheering]
248
00:10:06,038 --> 00:10:10,443
And just as relevant today
as it was 50 years ago.
249
00:10:10,509 --> 00:10:14,146
And it all began thanks to a man
who is here tonight,
250
00:10:14,413 --> 00:10:17,850
who was and is a special part of my life.
251
00:10:18,084 --> 00:10:19,418
Of all our lives.
252
00:10:19,485 --> 00:10:20,820
George Schlatter.
253
00:10:20,886 --> 00:10:22,088
Yay!
254
00:10:22,154 --> 00:10:23,856
[cheering]
255
00:10:25,958 --> 00:10:28,294
Very simply put,
256
00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:30,529
George is a comedy
257
00:10:30,596 --> 00:10:34,033
[yells] icon!
258
00:10:34,333 --> 00:10:35,868
And a real mensch.
259
00:10:36,702 --> 00:10:38,604
George, Georgie,
260
00:10:38,671 --> 00:10:40,206
Georgie, we love you.
261
00:10:40,272 --> 00:10:42,041
-[Jo Anne] Mm-hmm.
-Everyone loves you.
262
00:10:42,108 --> 00:10:44,744
Please join us in thanking George
263
00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:46,646
for creating Laugh-In
264
00:10:46,712 --> 00:10:51,651
and providing us all these laughs
for all these years!
265
00:10:51,717 --> 00:10:53,019
[cheering]
266
00:10:54,186 --> 00:10:55,121
I love you.
267
00:10:55,988 --> 00:10:57,490
My name is George Schlatter,
268
00:10:57,556 --> 00:11:00,393
and I was the executive producer
and creator of Laugh-In.
269
00:11:00,459 --> 00:11:02,928
-George Schlatter, eh.
-[laughter]
270
00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:05,798
[George] Laugh-In was an adventure.
Laugh-In was an experiment.
271
00:11:05,865 --> 00:11:07,566
I really mean it. Let George do it.
272
00:11:07,633 --> 00:11:09,268
I collected a group of people.
273
00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:11,937
They were people
who didn't fit into sitcoms.
274
00:11:12,004 --> 00:11:13,406
They were not variety performers.
275
00:11:13,472 --> 00:11:16,842
They were just charming personalities
with a wonderful sense of humor.
276
00:11:16,909 --> 00:11:19,745
NBC, beautiful downtown Burbank.
277
00:11:19,812 --> 00:11:22,682
[George] NBC didn't understand it.
They didn't even really like it.
278
00:11:22,748 --> 00:11:26,185
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to television's first Laugh-In.
279
00:11:26,252 --> 00:11:27,953
[George] But they had nothing else
to put on
280
00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:29,855
opposite Lucille Ball and Gunsmoke.
281
00:11:30,256 --> 00:11:32,692
I'm sorry, Lucy, but it's a living.
282
00:11:32,758 --> 00:11:35,027
[George] Laugh-In had
a lot of accidents in it.
283
00:11:35,094 --> 00:11:38,664
Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs. Travis.
I thought you were... you were...
284
00:11:38,731 --> 00:11:40,166
[all laugh]
285
00:11:40,232 --> 00:11:42,101
[George] We broke all kinds of rules.
286
00:11:42,168 --> 00:11:44,236
[laughs] We forgot something.
287
00:11:44,303 --> 00:11:46,672
[George] The joke wall was
one of my favorite segments.
288
00:11:46,739 --> 00:11:49,108
The doors would open up,
and it would get out of control.
289
00:11:49,175 --> 00:11:50,943
Hello, hello, hello.
290
00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:52,211
[indistinct singing]
291
00:11:52,278 --> 00:11:54,447
[George] We were allowed
to go on doing a lot of...
292
00:11:54,513 --> 00:11:57,216
very strange, unusual,
and provocative things. [laughs]
293
00:11:57,283 --> 00:11:58,884
You gotta get out there, kid.
294
00:11:58,951 --> 00:12:01,454
-I just can't go on like this.
-It's a full house. Shape up!
295
00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:02,488
[George] It was scripted,
296
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:05,224
but rarely did they all do
what was on the page,
297
00:12:05,291 --> 00:12:07,026
which is the magic of the show.
298
00:12:07,093 --> 00:12:09,295
Tonight, Laugh-In salutes the FBI.
299
00:12:09,361 --> 00:12:12,898
♪ Gimme an F, gimme a B
Gimme an I, I, I ♪
300
00:12:12,965 --> 00:12:15,868
[George] We made fun of everything.
The rest is history.
301
00:12:19,805 --> 00:12:21,040
[laughs]
302
00:12:21,107 --> 00:12:22,608
Oh, George!
303
00:12:22,675 --> 00:12:24,577
[laughter]
304
00:12:24,643 --> 00:12:27,079
For a minute,
I thought you guys had changed.
305
00:12:27,146 --> 00:12:27,980
[laughter]
306
00:12:28,047 --> 00:12:29,648
[cheering]
307
00:12:29,715 --> 00:12:31,217
[cheering and applause]
308
00:12:33,819 --> 00:12:38,891
I, actor, singer, dancer, sword-swallower,
Neil Patrick Harris...
309
00:12:38,958 --> 00:12:40,493
[cheering and laughter]
310
00:12:43,362 --> 00:12:45,898
I have hosted the Tonys, the Emmys,
311
00:12:45,965 --> 00:12:48,467
and right here in the Dolby Theatre,
the Oscars.
312
00:12:48,534 --> 00:12:50,236
[cheering]
313
00:12:50,302 --> 00:12:52,638
And so, I have gotten the chance
314
00:12:52,705 --> 00:12:56,475
to do my fair share
of big, splashy musical numbers.
315
00:12:57,076 --> 00:13:00,679
I wasn't going to do one tonight,
but the producers, they kept asking.
316
00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:05,017
I told them I didn't have an idea,
I couldn't find the right song,
317
00:13:05,084 --> 00:13:06,519
there wouldn't be time to rehearse,
318
00:13:06,585 --> 00:13:09,188
and most importantly,
I wasn't getting paid enough.
319
00:13:09,255 --> 00:13:10,689
[laughter]
320
00:13:11,390 --> 00:13:14,193
But they opened their checkbooks,
and here we are.
321
00:13:14,593 --> 00:13:16,328
[cheering and applause]
322
00:13:18,597 --> 00:13:19,465
So...
323
00:13:20,232 --> 00:13:25,337
in the spirit of Laugh-In's
hilarious musical extravaganzas,
324
00:13:25,404 --> 00:13:27,206
here's a little something special,
325
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:28,674
just for you.
326
00:13:28,741 --> 00:13:29,775
[clears throat]
327
00:13:29,842 --> 00:13:32,111
[cheering and applause]
328
00:13:34,847 --> 00:13:35,681
[exhales]
329
00:13:36,515 --> 00:13:38,050
Key of G. Hit it!
330
00:13:38,384 --> 00:13:39,885
[upbeat big band music plays]
331
00:13:40,586 --> 00:13:41,954
[Rob] And now,
332
00:13:42,021 --> 00:13:43,556
Rita Moreno and Rita Wilson.
333
00:13:43,622 --> 00:13:44,657
[cheering]
334
00:13:45,090 --> 00:13:47,626
With Judy Carne and Artie Johnson.
335
00:13:47,693 --> 00:13:49,395
♪ This is a groovy life ♪
336
00:13:49,461 --> 00:13:50,930
♪ This is a lot of fun ♪
337
00:13:50,996 --> 00:13:54,333
♪ I may be black and blue
Before the season's done ♪
338
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:57,603
♪ In spite of chicken jokes
We're telling everyone ♪
339
00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,471
♪ That it's a sock-it-to-me ♪
340
00:14:00,139 --> 00:14:01,674
♪ Very interesting ♪
341
00:14:01,740 --> 00:14:04,043
♪ Cuckoo Laugh-In world ♪
342
00:14:04,109 --> 00:14:05,277
-♪ Dum! ♪
-♪ Dum! ♪
343
00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:07,913
-♪ We never get uptight ♪
-♪ We never hold a grudge ♪
344
00:14:07,980 --> 00:14:09,582
♪ If worry's in the way ♪
345
00:14:09,648 --> 00:14:11,183
♪ We give a little nudge ♪
346
00:14:11,250 --> 00:14:12,751
♪ We let it all hang out ♪
347
00:14:13,152 --> 00:14:14,820
♪ And yell, "Here comes the judge" ♪
348
00:14:14,887 --> 00:14:16,522
♪ 'Cause it's a sock-it-to-me ♪
349
00:14:17,156 --> 00:14:18,657
♪ Very interesting ♪
350
00:14:18,724 --> 00:14:22,228
♪ Cuckoo Laugh-In world ♪
351
00:14:23,262 --> 00:14:24,930
♪ Is this the Twilight Zone? ♪
352
00:14:24,997 --> 00:14:26,398
♪ This must be outer space ♪
353
00:14:26,465 --> 00:14:29,635
♪ And lovely downtown Burbank
Is the place ♪
354
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:31,637
♪ Where ballerinas quack ♪
355
00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:33,205
♪ And run around the block ♪
356
00:14:33,272 --> 00:14:35,741
♪ And everybody says, "Knock, knock!" ♪
357
00:14:36,242 --> 00:14:37,877
-Who's there?
-Rita.
358
00:14:37,943 --> 00:14:38,944
Me, too.
359
00:14:39,011 --> 00:14:40,079
#MeToo.
360
00:14:40,145 --> 00:14:41,380
Someone touched you?
361
00:14:41,447 --> 00:14:43,616
No, no. Me, too. My name is Rita.
362
00:14:43,682 --> 00:14:44,850
[laughter]
363
00:14:45,651 --> 00:14:47,386
♪ The elevators work ♪
364
00:14:47,453 --> 00:14:48,554
♪ But never up and down ♪
365
00:14:48,621 --> 00:14:50,289
♪ We're wearing roller skates ♪
366
00:14:50,356 --> 00:14:52,324
♪ Beneath a velvet gown ♪
367
00:14:52,391 --> 00:14:55,527
♪ We think that Charles De Gaulle
Is really quite a clown ♪
368
00:14:55,594 --> 00:14:57,263
♪ 'Cause it's a sock-it-to-me ♪
369
00:14:57,963 --> 00:14:59,565
♪ Very interesting ♪
370
00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:02,534
♪ Cuckoo Laugh-In world ♪
371
00:15:02,601 --> 00:15:05,004
Give a man a fish,
you'll feed him for a day.
372
00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:07,539
Give a vegan a fish,
you'll get accused of a hate crime.
373
00:15:07,606 --> 00:15:09,041
Is that a chicken joke?
374
00:15:09,108 --> 00:15:10,042
[laughter]
375
00:15:10,109 --> 00:15:13,479
♪ If we get really bored
And try a nutty trick ♪
376
00:15:13,545 --> 00:15:16,949
♪ If someone lays an egg
We pull another shtick ♪
377
00:15:17,483 --> 00:15:19,051
If you're picking a safeword,
378
00:15:19,118 --> 00:15:21,453
stay away from "harder."
379
00:15:21,820 --> 00:15:23,422
[speaking gibberish]
380
00:15:23,489 --> 00:15:25,357
♪ We always end the fun ♪
381
00:15:25,424 --> 00:15:26,859
-♪ By saying... ♪
-Goodnight, Dick.
382
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,427
♪ 'Cause it's a sock-it-to-me ♪
383
00:15:29,194 --> 00:15:30,996
♪ Very interesting ♪
384
00:15:31,063 --> 00:15:33,532
♪ Cuckoo Laugh-In world ♪
385
00:15:33,866 --> 00:15:35,668
-It's a sock-it-to-me
-Sock-it-to-me
386
00:15:35,734 --> 00:15:37,403
-♪ Sock-it-to-me ♪
-♪ Sock-it-to-me ♪
387
00:15:37,469 --> 00:15:38,504
♪ Sock-it-to-me ♪
388
00:15:40,706 --> 00:15:42,908
It is with a heavy heart
389
00:15:42,975 --> 00:15:44,643
that we continue.
390
00:15:44,710 --> 00:15:47,179
Very interesting.
391
00:15:47,846 --> 00:15:49,415
♪ Cuckoo ♪
392
00:15:49,481 --> 00:15:54,219
♪ Laugh-In world ♪
393
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,355
[cheering and applause]
394
00:15:59,925 --> 00:16:01,827
I heard Snoop Dogg is here.
395
00:16:02,194 --> 00:16:04,063
Actually, I smelled it.
396
00:16:04,129 --> 00:16:06,465
Wow, that's some dank shit.
397
00:16:06,532 --> 00:16:07,800
[laughter]
398
00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:10,736
[dance music plays]
399
00:16:16,942 --> 00:16:18,243
[cheering]
400
00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:19,812
Cheri, did you take my wallet?
401
00:16:20,312 --> 00:16:23,015
What? I'm just keeping up
with the Cash-chic-ians.
402
00:16:23,082 --> 00:16:24,883
Oh, you mean the Kardashians.
403
00:16:24,950 --> 00:16:25,951
Potato, potahto.
404
00:16:26,051 --> 00:16:28,320
-[laughter]
-[dance music plays]
405
00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:34,093
Have you ever had a problem with bullying?
406
00:16:34,159 --> 00:16:36,161
No, I've always been really good at it.
407
00:16:36,228 --> 00:16:38,030
-[laughter]
-[dance music plays]
408
00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:43,836
I'm opposed to the literacy test.
409
00:16:43,902 --> 00:16:46,605
I mean, if you don't
have to be smart to run,
410
00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:48,774
why should you have to be smart to vote?
411
00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:50,042
[dance music plays]
412
00:16:53,545 --> 00:16:55,381
-[cheering]
-Sex is like pizza.
413
00:16:55,614 --> 00:16:58,884
When it's good, it's really good.
414
00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:00,019
But when it's bad,
415
00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:01,687
it's still pretty good.
416
00:17:02,054 --> 00:17:03,288
[dance music plays]
417
00:17:04,089 --> 00:17:06,859
Sonny and I are perfectly compatible.
As soon there's a problem,
418
00:17:06,925 --> 00:17:10,029
my psychiatrist contacts his psychiatrist,
and they work it out.
419
00:17:10,095 --> 00:17:11,296
[laughter]
420
00:17:15,100 --> 00:17:18,737
Do you like your martinis
shaken or stirred?
421
00:17:18,804 --> 00:17:21,573
[chuckles] You know
how I like my martinis?
422
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:23,375
Paid for. Ooh.
423
00:17:23,475 --> 00:17:25,144
[laughter]
424
00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:28,947
Tonight's show has been pre-recorded
for our protection.
425
00:17:29,014 --> 00:17:31,383
Ladies and gentlemen, Jay Leno.
426
00:17:31,450 --> 00:17:33,018
[cheering and applause]
427
00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:38,123
Well, I grew up in a house
that had one television,
428
00:17:38,657 --> 00:17:39,992
and it was in the living room,
429
00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:43,562
and I would watch Laugh-In
with my mom and dad.
430
00:17:44,496 --> 00:17:49,168
And we would get maybe 15 to 18 minutes
into the show, and my mother would go,
431
00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:52,271
"I think we've seen enough
of the Laugh-In people. Mm-hmm."
432
00:17:52,337 --> 00:17:53,205
[laughter]
433
00:17:53,272 --> 00:17:55,841
And we'd watch the last 40 minutes
of Gunsmoke.
434
00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:56,742
[laughter]
435
00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:58,510
So consequently,
there are parts of the show
436
00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:00,345
I'm seeing tonight
for the very first time,
437
00:18:00,412 --> 00:18:01,880
that I've never seen before.
438
00:18:01,947 --> 00:18:05,150
In fact, I understand there's a segment
called "Laugh-In Looks At The News."
439
00:18:05,217 --> 00:18:07,319
It was cutting edge
with jokes about current events.
440
00:18:07,386 --> 00:18:09,621
Poked fun at everything
from celebrities to the government,
441
00:18:09,688 --> 00:18:12,024
influenced just about every comic
of my generation,
442
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:15,127
and paved the way for shows
like SNL, In Living Color,
443
00:18:15,194 --> 00:18:18,464
and the late-night comedy we love today,
so let's take a look.
444
00:18:18,530 --> 00:18:20,065
[cheering and applause]
445
00:18:26,371 --> 00:18:28,707
♪ Want the news across the nation? ♪
446
00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:30,075
Now with the news of the present,
447
00:18:30,142 --> 00:18:31,877
a man without whom
news wouldn't be news.
448
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:33,712
Here's Dickie!
449
00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:35,714
Charleston, South Carolina.
450
00:18:36,248 --> 00:18:39,985
Dawn Simmons, the Englishman
who became a female,
451
00:18:40,052 --> 00:18:42,554
recently gave birth to a baby boy.
452
00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:44,756
A close friend commented,
453
00:18:44,823 --> 00:18:48,560
"I only hope he'll grow up to be
half the man his mother was."
454
00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:49,528
[laughter]
455
00:18:49,595 --> 00:18:52,064
Many people suspect
that our news is doctored.
456
00:18:52,531 --> 00:18:54,466
-How many Russians did you say were in?
-Fifteen.
457
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:56,101
Fifteen...
458
00:18:56,702 --> 00:18:59,338
Joe, that could be serious.
We better make it ten Russians.
459
00:18:59,838 --> 00:19:01,206
How about five Russians?
460
00:19:01,874 --> 00:19:02,708
Make it a couple.
461
00:19:02,774 --> 00:19:04,543
Where was this Russian born anyway?
462
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:07,012
Seventy-five miles
off the coast of Labrador.
463
00:19:07,079 --> 00:19:07,913
Labrador.
464
00:19:08,113 --> 00:19:10,415
Well, nobody knows where that is.
Make it New England.
465
00:19:10,482 --> 00:19:11,316
[laughter]
466
00:19:11,383 --> 00:19:14,052
"Seventy-five miles off the coast
467
00:19:14,553 --> 00:19:15,787
of Massachusetts."
468
00:19:15,854 --> 00:19:18,657
No, round it out to 50 miles,
'cause I think that'll read better.
469
00:19:18,724 --> 00:19:20,225
Maybe even 25.
470
00:19:20,292 --> 00:19:21,193
Let's not quibble.
471
00:19:21,593 --> 00:19:23,395
Put him a mile off of Boston Harbor.
472
00:19:23,462 --> 00:19:26,031
Representatives
of the National Rifle Association
473
00:19:26,098 --> 00:19:28,367
said today that anyone who would sell guns
474
00:19:28,433 --> 00:19:31,637
to minors and unstable people
should be shot.
475
00:19:31,737 --> 00:19:32,571
[laughter]
476
00:19:33,405 --> 00:19:36,909
I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen,
I don't have any news for you tonight.
477
00:19:36,975 --> 00:19:38,577
Here it is. Here it is, look.
478
00:19:38,644 --> 00:19:40,312
Celebrity tennis tournament today.
479
00:19:40,379 --> 00:19:43,215
A record crowd was on hand
to see Steve McQueen
480
00:19:43,282 --> 00:19:45,684
win three straight sets from his wife!
481
00:19:45,784 --> 00:19:47,052
[exclaims in delight]
482
00:19:47,419 --> 00:19:49,988
It can now be reliably reported
483
00:19:50,055 --> 00:19:53,292
that today,
Steve McQueen beat his wife badly
484
00:19:53,358 --> 00:19:55,827
in full view of a large crowd.
485
00:19:55,894 --> 00:19:56,962
[laughter]
486
00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:58,530
[cheering]
487
00:19:59,331 --> 00:20:00,299
[applause]
488
00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:02,367
Can we get a step ladder for Kevin Hart?
489
00:20:02,734 --> 00:20:04,636
[laughter]
490
00:20:06,104 --> 00:20:09,174
This is just like Twitter,
but without all the death threats.
491
00:20:09,241 --> 00:20:12,277
I'm Barbara Walters, and this year,
492
00:20:13,412 --> 00:20:16,181
I'll be hosting
my own New Year's Eve special
493
00:20:16,248 --> 00:20:18,417
so I can finally say with confidence,
494
00:20:18,483 --> 00:20:20,118
"This is 2020."
495
00:20:20,185 --> 00:20:21,086
[laughter]
496
00:20:21,153 --> 00:20:22,721
-Where am I?
-[laughter]
497
00:20:23,555 --> 00:20:26,191
If I have a psychotic episode at work,
498
00:20:26,258 --> 00:20:28,527
can I write it off as a business trip?
499
00:20:28,594 --> 00:20:30,862
-No, it's too early for that.
-[laughs]
500
00:20:32,030 --> 00:20:32,898
Mom!
501
00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:33,799
[cheering]
502
00:20:33,865 --> 00:20:34,700
Mom!
503
00:20:35,701 --> 00:20:37,836
We're out of toilet paper!
504
00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:40,105
I'll be the judge of that.
505
00:20:40,472 --> 00:20:43,075
My wife found out
that I went to a massage parlor.
506
00:20:43,542 --> 00:20:44,509
Happy ending?
507
00:20:44,576 --> 00:20:46,044
No, we're still married.
508
00:20:46,411 --> 00:20:47,613
[laughter]
509
00:20:47,679 --> 00:20:49,214
Contrary to popular belief,
510
00:20:49,281 --> 00:20:51,149
this show is not a rerun.
511
00:20:51,216 --> 00:20:52,417
[laughter]
512
00:20:53,352 --> 00:20:54,886
[cheering]
513
00:20:55,554 --> 00:20:57,189
[cheering and applause]
514
00:21:04,696 --> 00:21:06,598
Felicia? Ernestine.
515
00:21:06,665 --> 00:21:09,234
I've got a new job with some real power.
516
00:21:09,468 --> 00:21:12,137
I'm working
at a healthcare insurance corp... [snorts]
517
00:21:12,204 --> 00:21:13,972
...denying healthcare to everyone.
518
00:21:14,039 --> 00:21:16,275
-[telephone beeps]
-Oh, I got to go. I got a call coming in.
519
00:21:18,076 --> 00:21:21,847
Controlled Healthcare Insurance Corp,
claims department.
520
00:21:21,913 --> 00:21:23,949
Ernestine Tomlin speaking.
521
00:21:24,016 --> 00:21:27,386
Remember, an apple a day
keeps the doctor away.
522
00:21:27,653 --> 00:21:29,454
So does being uninsured. [snorts]
523
00:21:29,521 --> 00:21:30,922
[laughter]
524
00:21:30,989 --> 00:21:33,625
[sniffs] And what is your gripe du jour?
525
00:21:35,193 --> 00:21:36,561
Nope, not covered.
526
00:21:36,828 --> 00:21:40,132
No, being blind is
a pre-existing condition.
527
00:21:40,198 --> 00:21:41,033
[laughter]
528
00:21:41,099 --> 00:21:42,868
You should have read the fine print.
529
00:21:42,934 --> 00:21:44,169
[telephone beeps]
530
00:21:44,770 --> 00:21:46,905
Claims Department, Ernestine.
531
00:21:47,406 --> 00:21:48,774
Nope. Not covered.
532
00:21:49,174 --> 00:21:52,110
Why don't you hop on the bus, Gus,
slip out the back, Jack,
533
00:21:52,177 --> 00:21:54,212
get a new plan, Stan? [snorts]
534
00:21:54,279 --> 00:21:55,414
[laughter]
535
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:56,882
Oh, I'm hot tonight.
536
00:21:56,948 --> 00:21:57,916
[telephone beeps]
537
00:21:58,317 --> 00:22:00,886
Claims Department, Ernestine.
It's your dime.
538
00:22:01,620 --> 00:22:03,121
You were shot in a subway?
539
00:22:03,655 --> 00:22:05,524
Next time, eat at Quiznos.
540
00:22:05,590 --> 00:22:07,326
-[incoming call]
-[laughter]
541
00:22:08,060 --> 00:22:09,594
Claims Department, Ernestine.
542
00:22:09,995 --> 00:22:12,864
Nope, your plan does not cover
prescription drugs,
543
00:22:12,931 --> 00:22:14,866
and don't be a pill about it. [snorts]
544
00:22:14,933 --> 00:22:16,001
[laughter]
545
00:22:16,068 --> 00:22:18,537
You know, you should try acupuncture.
546
00:22:19,538 --> 00:22:21,973
Of course we don't cover acupuncture.
547
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:23,809
I was just needling you. [snorts]
548
00:22:23,875 --> 00:22:25,410
-[laughter]
-[telephone beeps]
549
00:22:26,812 --> 00:22:28,547
Claims Department, Ernestine.
550
00:22:29,414 --> 00:22:30,582
Nope. Not covered.
551
00:22:31,016 --> 00:22:34,186
You must think that HMO
stands for "Help Me Out." [snorts]
552
00:22:34,252 --> 00:22:35,287
[laughter]
553
00:22:35,754 --> 00:22:39,424
Remember, your health is our business,
not our concern.
554
00:22:41,159 --> 00:22:43,295
[cheering and applause]
555
00:22:51,570 --> 00:22:52,604
[clears throat]
556
00:22:53,772 --> 00:22:55,707
Do you believe in the hereafter?
557
00:22:55,774 --> 00:22:57,442
Of course I do.
558
00:22:57,509 --> 00:23:00,011
[chuckles] Then you know
what I'm here after.
559
00:23:00,112 --> 00:23:01,279
[laughter]
560
00:23:03,448 --> 00:23:04,683
By any chance,
561
00:23:04,750 --> 00:23:06,785
are you two ladies brothers?
562
00:23:06,852 --> 00:23:08,053
[laughter]
563
00:23:08,754 --> 00:23:10,088
Move over, will you?
564
00:23:10,188 --> 00:23:11,490
[laughter]
565
00:23:14,526 --> 00:23:15,627
[exhales]
566
00:23:16,695 --> 00:23:18,363
You wanna see a moon gotcha?
567
00:23:19,898 --> 00:23:21,032
What's a gotcha?
568
00:23:21,833 --> 00:23:22,734
See the moon?
569
00:23:23,168 --> 00:23:24,035
Gotcha!
570
00:23:24,102 --> 00:23:25,437
[laughter]
571
00:23:26,138 --> 00:23:27,205
[cheering]
572
00:23:27,806 --> 00:23:30,842
[laughing]
573
00:23:30,942 --> 00:23:32,344
[cheering and applause]
574
00:23:32,411 --> 00:23:34,479
[continues laughing]
575
00:23:35,781 --> 00:23:38,283
-Oh.
-[man] Ah!
576
00:23:38,483 --> 00:23:40,419
You're standing for me?
577
00:23:40,485 --> 00:23:42,154
Wow, that's new.
578
00:23:42,220 --> 00:23:43,755
[man laughing]
579
00:23:43,822 --> 00:23:45,624
And flowers for me?
580
00:23:45,690 --> 00:23:46,792
[man laughs]
581
00:23:46,858 --> 00:23:48,994
-[sniffs] Mmm.
-[man] Mmm.
582
00:23:50,896 --> 00:23:53,465
Well, I guess guys can change.
583
00:23:53,532 --> 00:23:55,000
[man laughs]
584
00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:56,535
[grunts playfully]
585
00:23:57,002 --> 00:23:58,236
-Ah!
-[laughter]
586
00:23:58,637 --> 00:23:59,838
God, that hurt!
587
00:24:00,472 --> 00:24:03,208
Why did all that stuff get in your bag?
What's in it?
588
00:24:03,675 --> 00:24:07,045
Well, it's 2019.
I carry a lot of stuff now.
589
00:24:07,112 --> 00:24:09,047
Vape pen, my taser--
590
00:24:09,114 --> 00:24:10,081
[vibrating]
591
00:24:10,148 --> 00:24:11,183
What's that sound?
592
00:24:11,516 --> 00:24:13,952
-That's my vibrator.
-Oh, God!
593
00:24:14,019 --> 00:24:15,320
[laughter]
594
00:24:15,387 --> 00:24:16,955
Wait a minute.
595
00:24:17,389 --> 00:24:20,258
You can't be Gladys's granddaughter.
596
00:24:20,325 --> 00:24:21,193
You're, uh--
597
00:24:21,259 --> 00:24:22,194
Black?
598
00:24:22,260 --> 00:24:24,095
Your words, not mine.
599
00:24:24,663 --> 00:24:27,332
I get it, I get it, I get it,
I get it, I get it!
600
00:24:27,399 --> 00:24:31,603
You're a modern, sophisticated, strong...
601
00:24:32,838 --> 00:24:34,139
beautiful,
602
00:24:34,639 --> 00:24:37,142
spiteful woman.
603
00:24:37,509 --> 00:24:40,679
-Okay, you're growing on me.
-[man] Mmm.
604
00:24:40,745 --> 00:24:42,080
And you're kind of cute.
605
00:24:42,147 --> 00:24:45,317
What do you say you and me get a room,
606
00:24:45,383 --> 00:24:48,053
my little chocolate buttercup?
607
00:24:48,386 --> 00:24:49,221
[laughs]
608
00:24:49,287 --> 00:24:50,922
[cheering and applause]
609
00:24:50,989 --> 00:24:52,123
[laughter]
610
00:24:52,190 --> 00:24:53,692
[cheering]
611
00:24:55,627 --> 00:24:57,128
[cheering and applause]
612
00:25:00,065 --> 00:25:00,966
God!
613
00:25:01,032 --> 00:25:02,234
[laughter]
614
00:25:03,602 --> 00:25:06,505
We cannot come close to the funny that you
615
00:25:06,872 --> 00:25:10,208
and Artie Johnson did to these characters.
616
00:25:10,275 --> 00:25:14,112
-Aww.
-Ladies and gentlemen, the legendary
617
00:25:14,412 --> 00:25:16,715
-Ruth Buzzi.
-Oh!
618
00:25:17,115 --> 00:25:18,917
[cheering and applause]
619
00:25:24,089 --> 00:25:25,524
Are we having fun yet?
620
00:25:25,957 --> 00:25:27,659
[cheering and applause]
621
00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:30,195
I sure am,
622
00:25:30,495 --> 00:25:33,965
and I can't wait to see Bill Maher
give the finger to someone.
623
00:25:34,032 --> 00:25:34,866
[laughter]
624
00:25:34,933 --> 00:25:38,470
Sorry, the Fickle Finger of Fate
to someone.
625
00:25:38,670 --> 00:25:39,504
[cheering]
626
00:25:39,571 --> 00:25:43,108
Okay, now seems like as good a time as any
to do my special musical number.
627
00:25:43,174 --> 00:25:44,476
Key of G. Hit it!
628
00:25:44,543 --> 00:25:46,945
Well, wait a minute, that's my key!
629
00:25:47,012 --> 00:25:49,447
♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪
630
00:25:49,514 --> 00:25:50,482
[applause]
631
00:25:50,549 --> 00:25:54,920
♪ La ♪
632
00:25:54,986 --> 00:25:56,187
[cheering and applause]
633
00:25:59,958 --> 00:26:02,394
You know, say what you will,
she still gets good volume.
634
00:26:02,460 --> 00:26:03,662
[rimshot]
635
00:26:03,728 --> 00:26:04,663
[laughter]
636
00:26:05,030 --> 00:26:06,364
[dance music plays]
637
00:26:14,172 --> 00:26:15,707
[cheering and applause]
638
00:26:16,041 --> 00:26:17,309
[laughing]
639
00:26:24,149 --> 00:26:26,618
What's better than a lawyer?
640
00:26:27,018 --> 00:26:27,953
An alibi!
641
00:26:28,053 --> 00:26:29,120
[laughter]
642
00:26:29,187 --> 00:26:30,689
[dance music plays]
643
00:26:34,225 --> 00:26:36,461
What do you think
of the population explosion?
644
00:26:36,528 --> 00:26:39,998
Well, you know what, doesn't bother me
a bit because I wear ear plugs.
645
00:26:40,498 --> 00:26:42,000
[dance music plays]
646
00:26:43,201 --> 00:26:46,538
My kids, Brasper and Lemongrass,
don't need vaccinations.
647
00:26:46,605 --> 00:26:49,674
I just send them off to school
and let the bullying do the rest.
648
00:26:49,741 --> 00:26:51,242
-[laughter]
-[horn sounds]
649
00:26:51,309 --> 00:26:52,777
[dance music plays]
650
00:26:56,114 --> 00:26:59,084
These days,
an old-fashioned Hollywood marriage
651
00:26:59,150 --> 00:27:03,154
is one where the sex videos
are only on VHS.
652
00:27:03,221 --> 00:27:04,422
[dance music plays]
653
00:27:07,459 --> 00:27:08,827
Mr. Hefner,
654
00:27:09,327 --> 00:27:13,765
Harry says I look like something
out of your Playboy centerfold.
655
00:27:15,066 --> 00:27:16,768
Yes, uh, the staple.
656
00:27:16,868 --> 00:27:18,570
[laughter]
657
00:27:18,637 --> 00:27:20,071
[dance music plays]
658
00:27:24,175 --> 00:27:25,043
Hey.
659
00:27:25,110 --> 00:27:26,645
[cheering and applause]
660
00:27:27,379 --> 00:27:28,613
I don't have a joke.
661
00:27:28,947 --> 00:27:31,149
-I'm just the eye candy.
-[laughter]
662
00:27:31,216 --> 00:27:32,350
[dance music plays]
663
00:27:36,721 --> 00:27:41,226
I told the bartender
to give me an Old Fashioned
664
00:27:41,292 --> 00:27:43,028
and make it stiff.
665
00:27:43,094 --> 00:27:45,830
Wow. Well, you're old-fashioned,
and I'm stiff.
666
00:27:46,264 --> 00:27:47,265
[exclaims]
667
00:27:47,666 --> 00:27:49,334
That was inappropriate.
668
00:27:50,702 --> 00:27:52,270
[cheering and applause]
669
00:27:55,173 --> 00:27:57,375
What's up, everybody?
My name is Kenya Barris,
670
00:27:57,442 --> 00:28:00,812
and I'm the creator of the Emmy-nominated,
boundary-pushing,
671
00:28:00,879 --> 00:28:02,914
genre-defining show, Black-ish.
672
00:28:03,248 --> 00:28:04,816
[cheering and applause]
673
00:28:06,818 --> 00:28:11,089
Our little show manages to stay
on people's minds in a very unique way,
674
00:28:11,156 --> 00:28:14,559
because each week we get an opportunity
to talk about important things,
675
00:28:14,626 --> 00:28:17,062
from police brutality to the N-word,
676
00:28:17,395 --> 00:28:19,964
to police using the N-word
while brutalizing us.
677
00:28:20,065 --> 00:28:21,933
-[laughter]
-You know, the basics.
678
00:28:22,567 --> 00:28:24,936
In fact, at Black-ish,
we talked about so much shit,
679
00:28:25,003 --> 00:28:27,138
including a certain
orange-faced president,
680
00:28:27,205 --> 00:28:28,707
that I can't be there anymore.
681
00:28:28,773 --> 00:28:29,941
[laughter]
682
00:28:30,008 --> 00:28:33,745
But that's okay. It allowed me to become
a part of this amazing Netflix family,
683
00:28:33,812 --> 00:28:36,748
until I say some shit about fat people
and end up at Hulu.
684
00:28:37,048 --> 00:28:38,416
[laughter]
685
00:28:39,884 --> 00:28:42,987
No, but seriously, as bummed as I was
about leaving ABC,
686
00:28:43,188 --> 00:28:44,422
I did it with no malice,
687
00:28:44,489 --> 00:28:46,858
because it took a lot of balls
for that network
688
00:28:46,925 --> 00:28:49,227
to talk about even half the stuff we did.
689
00:28:49,294 --> 00:28:51,796
See, nowadays, that's not something
that people do,
690
00:28:51,863 --> 00:28:54,499
talk about things,
especially things that offend people,
691
00:28:54,999 --> 00:28:57,135
which is crazy to me,
because 50 years ago,
692
00:28:57,202 --> 00:28:59,437
a ground-breaking show called Laugh-In
693
00:28:59,504 --> 00:29:02,006
was going farther
than I ever would have fucking dreamed of.
694
00:29:02,073 --> 00:29:03,875
[cheering and applause]
695
00:29:03,942 --> 00:29:06,111
They're going to legalize homosexuals?
696
00:29:06,478 --> 00:29:08,279
Oh, no!
697
00:29:08,346 --> 00:29:13,585
Now that means I've got to take mine down
for a collar, a license, and shots.
698
00:29:13,651 --> 00:29:15,653
I have nothing against minorities,
699
00:29:15,720 --> 00:29:19,057
but what happens when there's more of them
than there is of us?
700
00:29:19,124 --> 00:29:22,193
Please, no, um... Mexicans,
701
00:29:22,627 --> 00:29:25,497
Negroes, Indians, or, um...
702
00:29:25,897 --> 00:29:29,667
people of the, uh, Jewish... race.
703
00:29:29,734 --> 00:29:31,603
-Whoo!
-[laughter]
704
00:29:31,669 --> 00:29:33,638
Don't touch the contrast knob, folks.
705
00:29:34,472 --> 00:29:35,440
I'm colored.
706
00:29:35,507 --> 00:29:39,410
Did you hear the one about the two Jews
who hit this Arab with a Chinese pizza?
707
00:29:39,477 --> 00:29:40,712
[laughs]
708
00:29:40,779 --> 00:29:43,181
And there'd be no trouble
in the Middle East
709
00:29:43,381 --> 00:29:45,416
if only the Israelis and the Arabs
710
00:29:45,483 --> 00:29:47,485
would start behaving like good Christians.
711
00:29:47,552 --> 00:29:50,021
They don't make us sit
in the back of the bus anymore,
712
00:29:50,088 --> 00:29:52,624
because they found out
most of the accidents happen in the front.
713
00:29:52,690 --> 00:29:53,525
[laughter]
714
00:29:53,591 --> 00:29:56,494
You know, it used to be that kids
looked up to the cop on the beat.
715
00:29:56,561 --> 00:29:58,830
And now they're looking
to beat up on the cop.
716
00:29:58,897 --> 00:30:00,532
[laughter]
717
00:30:00,598 --> 00:30:03,434
Well, the kids in my neighborhood
still look up to the cops.
718
00:30:03,501 --> 00:30:06,738
I mean, when you're flat on your back,
man, you've got to look up.
719
00:30:06,805 --> 00:30:08,807
We had an old-fashioned Thanksgiving.
720
00:30:08,873 --> 00:30:11,442
My granddaddy, the Colonel,
flew to New England
721
00:30:11,509 --> 00:30:12,644
and shot an Indian.
722
00:30:12,710 --> 00:30:15,780
Why don't you Americans
recognize the Red Chinese?
723
00:30:16,347 --> 00:30:18,616
Because to us, all Chinese look alike.
724
00:30:19,017 --> 00:30:21,019
-[laughter]
-Very interesting.
725
00:30:21,085 --> 00:30:23,021
I suppose you're wondering
why I asked you here.
726
00:30:23,555 --> 00:30:24,389
[laughter]
727
00:30:24,455 --> 00:30:25,757
[applause]
728
00:30:27,859 --> 00:30:28,860
[cheering]
729
00:30:30,128 --> 00:30:31,095
It's crazy, right?
730
00:30:31,529 --> 00:30:34,599
I mean, if this show was on today,
every one of the writers and producers
731
00:30:34,666 --> 00:30:36,534
would be doing three to five
in Pelican Bay.
732
00:30:36,601 --> 00:30:37,468
[laughter]
733
00:30:37,535 --> 00:30:41,439
You know, it's... I joke, but seriously,
it's not so easy being funny nowadays.
734
00:30:41,539 --> 00:30:45,009
That's why it warms my heart
to see the bold and brilliant work of art
735
00:30:45,076 --> 00:30:46,244
that Laugh-In was.
736
00:30:46,544 --> 00:30:47,579
Today, as a comedy writer,
737
00:30:47,645 --> 00:30:50,315
I feel more than ever,
comedy is under attack.
738
00:30:50,648 --> 00:30:52,817
The brilliant voices of Norman Lear,
my brother...
739
00:30:52,884 --> 00:30:54,252
[cheering and applause]
740
00:30:54,319 --> 00:30:55,420
Saturday Night Live,
741
00:30:55,486 --> 00:30:56,721
and of course, Laugh-In,
742
00:30:56,788 --> 00:30:58,990
would have a hard place
in the world we live in today.
743
00:30:59,057 --> 00:31:00,325
And that's disheartening.
744
00:31:00,625 --> 00:31:02,327
People like George Carlin,
745
00:31:02,393 --> 00:31:04,696
Richard Pryor, Lenny Bruce,
Dick Gregory...
746
00:31:04,762 --> 00:31:06,264
[cheering and applause]
747
00:31:07,932 --> 00:31:10,201
Those... those were my heroes.
748
00:31:10,602 --> 00:31:12,637
The writers and performers
I grew up worshipping
749
00:31:12,704 --> 00:31:14,072
weren't just telling jokes.
750
00:31:14,439 --> 00:31:18,076
They were formalized intellectual outcries
to the country.
751
00:31:18,309 --> 00:31:21,379
They said things we all were feeling
but were afraid to say.
752
00:31:21,646 --> 00:31:23,548
And they said them in a fearless way
753
00:31:23,615 --> 00:31:26,317
that not only made people laugh,
it made them think.
754
00:31:26,384 --> 00:31:28,152
And subsequently, it changed the world.
755
00:31:28,219 --> 00:31:30,521
That's why it's so important
that we're here tonight,
756
00:31:30,588 --> 00:31:35,260
to honor the iconic show that pushed
boundaries and moved our culture forward.
757
00:31:35,860 --> 00:31:36,694
Thank you.
758
00:31:36,761 --> 00:31:38,363
[cheering and applause]
759
00:31:40,131 --> 00:31:42,800
And now for an interesting change of pace.
760
00:31:43,401 --> 00:31:44,936
[cheering and applause]
761
00:31:47,805 --> 00:31:48,640
Knock-knock.
762
00:31:49,107 --> 00:31:50,008
Who's there?
763
00:31:50,074 --> 00:31:51,876
Ah, go fuck yourselves.
764
00:31:52,443 --> 00:31:53,878
I do every night.
765
00:31:54,212 --> 00:31:55,446
[laughter]
766
00:31:56,714 --> 00:31:58,116
Oh, nut!
767
00:31:59,450 --> 00:32:03,021
I have a problem
with my husband saying no to sex.
768
00:32:03,087 --> 00:32:06,524
Well, that's funny, because
I never had a problem with your husband.
769
00:32:06,591 --> 00:32:07,659
[laughter]
770
00:32:07,725 --> 00:32:09,294
That two-timer!
771
00:32:10,395 --> 00:32:12,897
If Olivia Wilde married Kanye West,
772
00:32:12,964 --> 00:32:14,899
she'd be Olivia Wilde West.
773
00:32:15,266 --> 00:32:16,734
[laughs]
774
00:32:17,068 --> 00:32:17,969
[laughter]
775
00:32:18,036 --> 00:32:21,472
Hey, hey! I got to take pills
for an iron deficiency.
776
00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:23,241
Are they working?
777
00:32:23,641 --> 00:32:25,877
I think so. I'm peeing rust.
778
00:32:25,944 --> 00:32:26,945
[laughter]
779
00:32:28,913 --> 00:32:30,615
Show me a man
with both feet on the ground,
780
00:32:30,682 --> 00:32:33,051
and I'll show you someone
who's bad in bed.
781
00:32:33,584 --> 00:32:34,986
[cheering]
782
00:32:35,386 --> 00:32:36,220
[applause]
783
00:32:36,821 --> 00:32:38,156
My name is Edith Ann.
784
00:32:38,456 --> 00:32:40,758
But I don't have to say nothing
if I don't want to,
785
00:32:40,825 --> 00:32:42,527
because I'm going to have a baby.
786
00:32:43,094 --> 00:32:47,298
God has a TV set,
and he binge-watches all of us on it.
787
00:32:47,699 --> 00:32:50,001
Whenever I think He is watching me,
788
00:32:50,401 --> 00:32:53,705
I always sing and dance
and do a commercial for myself.
789
00:32:54,138 --> 00:32:57,542
And any day now,
I expect to get my own show.
790
00:32:58,476 --> 00:32:59,310
Yes.
791
00:32:59,377 --> 00:33:00,378
[laughter]
792
00:33:00,845 --> 00:33:02,113
[applause]
793
00:33:03,147 --> 00:33:04,048
Whoa.
794
00:33:04,115 --> 00:33:05,350
[cheering]
795
00:33:07,118 --> 00:33:08,252
[applause]
796
00:33:08,319 --> 00:33:10,188
Hi. [laughs]
797
00:33:11,489 --> 00:33:12,323
Hello.
798
00:33:12,623 --> 00:33:14,859
I am the fabled Fred Farkel,
799
00:33:15,059 --> 00:33:20,098
and I am so flattered to be part
of this fun and fantastic, fine night.
800
00:33:20,431 --> 00:33:24,769
If you're not familiar with me,
feast your eyes on this fab film.
801
00:33:24,869 --> 00:33:26,304
[cheering]
802
00:33:27,972 --> 00:33:29,640
Hold on, folk.
803
00:33:29,707 --> 00:33:32,310
Once again, it's time
for another visit with the...
804
00:33:32,844 --> 00:33:35,013
fabulous, friendly Farkel family.
805
00:33:35,079 --> 00:33:36,614
-[all] What?!
-Farkel?
806
00:33:36,681 --> 00:33:37,949
People with red hair.
807
00:33:38,016 --> 00:33:39,884
-I'm Frank Farkel.
-I'm Fanny Farkel.
808
00:33:39,951 --> 00:33:41,853
-I'm Mark Farkel.
-I'm Sparkle Farkel.
809
00:33:41,919 --> 00:33:44,122
-I'm Smarty Farkel.
-I'm Artie Farkel.
810
00:33:44,188 --> 00:33:45,056
And we're the twins.
811
00:33:45,123 --> 00:33:46,324
-Simon--
-And Gar Farkel.
812
00:33:46,391 --> 00:33:47,258
-Simon--
-And Gar.
813
00:33:47,325 --> 00:33:48,760
We're the Farkel twins.
814
00:33:49,260 --> 00:33:50,495
And of course, her.
815
00:33:50,561 --> 00:33:52,063
-Hi!
-Flicker Farkel.
816
00:33:52,130 --> 00:33:53,097
[screams]
817
00:33:53,164 --> 00:33:55,900
And this is our dear friend
and trusted neighbor, Ferd Berfel.
818
00:33:55,967 --> 00:33:56,801
Ferd Berfel.
819
00:33:56,868 --> 00:33:58,569
-Hello, Ferd.
-Hello, Frank.
820
00:33:58,636 --> 00:34:01,606
A fine-looking family
you got there, Frank.
821
00:34:01,906 --> 00:34:03,074
Thanks, Ferd.
822
00:34:04,008 --> 00:34:06,611
Well, what's going to happen next?
823
00:34:06,944 --> 00:34:09,280
How come all the Farkel children--
824
00:34:09,347 --> 00:34:10,381
They certainly do.
825
00:34:10,448 --> 00:34:11,449
[laughs]
826
00:34:14,385 --> 00:34:17,722
That's a fine-looking family of Farkels
you got there, Ferd.
827
00:34:17,789 --> 00:34:20,091
Ferd's a Berfel. We're Farkels.
828
00:34:20,158 --> 00:34:23,027
Oh, yes, of course they are. Of course.
I should have seen it right away.
829
00:34:23,094 --> 00:34:24,695
They're the spitting image of you, Frank.
830
00:34:24,762 --> 00:34:27,098
Well, as my brother Paul
in Pittsburgh says,
831
00:34:27,165 --> 00:34:29,233
you can't tell a Farkel by its cover,
832
00:34:29,300 --> 00:34:32,470
so Ferd unto others
as you would have them Farkel onto you.
833
00:34:32,537 --> 00:34:34,105
♪ Do the Farkel ♪
834
00:34:34,172 --> 00:34:35,773
♪ Do the Farkel ♪
835
00:34:35,840 --> 00:34:40,578
♪ And we'll Fark, Fark, Fark, Fark, Farkle
Daylight till dark ♪
836
00:34:45,516 --> 00:34:46,451
[laughter]
837
00:34:46,517 --> 00:34:48,986
A Farkel a day keeps the Berfel away.
838
00:34:50,455 --> 00:34:51,989
[applause]
839
00:34:54,625 --> 00:34:56,294
Key of G! Hit it!
840
00:34:56,360 --> 00:34:58,062
[upbeat music plays]
841
00:34:58,563 --> 00:35:00,131
Ah, suckers!
842
00:35:00,198 --> 00:35:01,265
[laughter]
843
00:35:01,732 --> 00:35:03,201
[cheering]
844
00:35:03,267 --> 00:35:04,502
[applause]
845
00:35:07,705 --> 00:35:09,240
That was wacky.
846
00:35:09,807 --> 00:35:12,743
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
Michael Douglas.
847
00:35:12,844 --> 00:35:14,345
[cheering and applause]
848
00:35:14,412 --> 00:35:15,346
Thank you.
849
00:35:15,913 --> 00:35:17,615
Hey, thanks. Thank you.
850
00:35:19,117 --> 00:35:21,018
Thank you. Thank you very much.
851
00:35:21,085 --> 00:35:21,953
[cheering]
852
00:35:22,386 --> 00:35:23,921
When Laugh-In premiered,
853
00:35:24,288 --> 00:35:27,925
I was studying drama at the University
of California, Santa Barbara.
854
00:35:28,426 --> 00:35:32,163
And so, with its hilarious take
on politics and cultural references,
855
00:35:32,230 --> 00:35:34,599
and I mean all types of culture,
856
00:35:34,999 --> 00:35:37,401
it hit the right note with my crowd.
857
00:35:38,202 --> 00:35:40,905
And I noticed
that all of the cool people in Hollywood
858
00:35:40,972 --> 00:35:43,774
were making appearances on the show, so,
859
00:35:44,475 --> 00:35:48,446
when I got back home,
I told my dad, Kirk, about it.
860
00:35:49,347 --> 00:35:52,884
Now, keep in mind
that my dad had just played Spartacus.
861
00:35:52,950 --> 00:35:53,784
[laughter]
862
00:35:53,851 --> 00:35:57,588
And at that time, that was about
as cool as you could get, all right,
863
00:35:57,955 --> 00:35:59,724
but he had not done Laugh-In.
864
00:36:00,024 --> 00:36:03,027
And I told him
if he wanted to be really cool,
865
00:36:03,227 --> 00:36:05,029
he should pick up the phone
866
00:36:05,096 --> 00:36:06,898
and call George Schlatter.
867
00:36:07,899 --> 00:36:09,767
And here's what happened.
868
00:36:09,834 --> 00:36:11,002
[applause]
869
00:36:12,303 --> 00:36:15,406
[laughs] Look it's...
No, look so they can see.
870
00:36:15,473 --> 00:36:18,042
That's him. And look at the Molexander,
right there!
871
00:36:18,109 --> 00:36:19,243
[laughs]
872
00:36:19,310 --> 00:36:20,778
My mother will be so happy.
873
00:36:21,379 --> 00:36:24,615
You know,
if Kirk Douglas married Phyllis Kirk,
874
00:36:24,682 --> 00:36:28,052
and she divorced him
and married Douglas Fairbanks Jr.,
875
00:36:28,252 --> 00:36:30,521
and married Justice William O. Douglas,
876
00:36:30,588 --> 00:36:34,091
she'd be Phyllis
Kirk-Kirk-Douglas-Douglas-Douglas.
877
00:36:34,825 --> 00:36:35,893
Sock it to me!
878
00:36:36,327 --> 00:36:37,662
Sock it to me!
879
00:36:38,062 --> 00:36:39,597
Sock it to me!
880
00:36:39,964 --> 00:36:43,167
Hey, who do I have to be nice to
to get off this show?
881
00:36:43,267 --> 00:36:44,635
[applause]
882
00:36:46,404 --> 00:36:47,838
Sock it to me.
883
00:36:48,139 --> 00:36:49,073
[laughter]
884
00:36:49,140 --> 00:36:52,543
So all these years later,
he's glad he did the show,
885
00:36:52,977 --> 00:36:55,546
but Dad wasn't
the only Academy Award winner
886
00:36:55,613 --> 00:36:59,917
to grace the multicolored stage
in beautiful downtown Burbank.
887
00:37:00,451 --> 00:37:05,456
Here are some of the more famous members
of the elite Oscar club.
888
00:37:05,856 --> 00:37:07,592
[cheering and applause]
889
00:37:09,794 --> 00:37:13,698
Our special guest is a young lady
who used to be a regular on this show.
890
00:37:13,764 --> 00:37:16,000
She went on to become an Oscar winner.
891
00:37:16,067 --> 00:37:19,804
I'd like to thank all the little people
who stood in my way
892
00:37:19,870 --> 00:37:21,872
before I pushed them aside.
893
00:37:21,939 --> 00:37:24,408
What will you do
if you don't win the Academy Award?
894
00:37:24,475 --> 00:37:27,812
Oh, nothing unusual. There's been
a lot of suicides in my family.
895
00:37:28,579 --> 00:37:31,282
Michael, tell me confidentially,
what do you really think of Laugh-In?
896
00:37:31,349 --> 00:37:35,119
Well, actually, it's rather like cricket.
No one seems to understand it.
897
00:37:35,186 --> 00:37:37,588
I'm so happy to be here,
I could drop a log. [laughs]
898
00:37:37,655 --> 00:37:38,789
[laughter]
899
00:37:39,690 --> 00:37:41,292
Mr. Welles, this is so--
900
00:37:41,359 --> 00:37:42,560
I-- This is the-- I want--
901
00:37:42,627 --> 00:37:44,729
You know what? I'm so excited.
The thing about it is...
902
00:37:44,795 --> 00:37:47,431
when I used to listen to you on the radio,
when you were The Shadow--
903
00:37:47,498 --> 00:37:48,966
There's an odd couple.
904
00:37:49,333 --> 00:37:51,035
What do you mean, they said I was short?
905
00:37:52,403 --> 00:37:55,673
You know, do what you--
You know, when you used to--
906
00:37:55,740 --> 00:37:56,807
You would--
907
00:37:56,874 --> 00:37:59,110
[laughing] I'm a star! I'm a hit!
908
00:37:59,176 --> 00:38:00,044
[screams]
909
00:38:01,712 --> 00:38:02,580
I'm a maid.
910
00:38:02,647 --> 00:38:03,547
Teresa,
911
00:38:04,115 --> 00:38:05,182
I think I love you.
912
00:38:05,616 --> 00:38:06,717
You're in a lot of trouble.
913
00:38:06,784 --> 00:38:07,985
That was a quickie.
914
00:38:08,286 --> 00:38:10,955
John and I have never been able
to check into a hotel in this country.
915
00:38:11,022 --> 00:38:12,256
-[man] Oh, pity.
-Yes.
916
00:38:12,323 --> 00:38:15,192
See, the minute I sign the register
"Mr. and Mrs. John Smith"--
917
00:38:15,259 --> 00:38:16,494
[whistles] Right out.
918
00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:19,397
I've worked in every phase
of show business,
919
00:38:19,497 --> 00:38:20,898
legitimate theater,
920
00:38:20,965 --> 00:38:23,034
films, television,
921
00:38:23,100 --> 00:38:24,902
now... this.
922
00:38:25,436 --> 00:38:27,638
Due to circumstances beyond my control,
923
00:38:27,705 --> 00:38:29,640
Laugh-In will return in just a moment.
924
00:38:30,141 --> 00:38:33,511
-Will Bill Maher give someone the finger?
-[cheering and applause]
925
00:38:33,577 --> 00:38:36,847
-Will Snoop Dogg light up the joint?
-[laughter]
926
00:38:36,914 --> 00:38:41,218
Will Neil Patrick Harris ever get
the chance to finish his song?
927
00:38:41,719 --> 00:38:45,690
How the hell should I know the answers
to these burning questions?
928
00:38:47,191 --> 00:38:48,859
[dance music plays]
929
00:38:52,229 --> 00:38:55,366
Yesterday I tried
a do-it-yourself bikini wax.
930
00:38:55,433 --> 00:38:56,300
Tell me more.
931
00:38:56,367 --> 00:38:58,135
Well, there's nothing left to tell.
932
00:38:58,202 --> 00:38:59,170
[laughter]
933
00:38:59,236 --> 00:39:00,705
[dance music plays]
934
00:39:03,207 --> 00:39:05,609
Oh, my feet wouldn't stop.
935
00:39:06,344 --> 00:39:07,411
[dance music plays]
936
00:39:08,212 --> 00:39:10,781
Show me a drunken white supremacist,
937
00:39:10,848 --> 00:39:14,752
and I'll show you a man
who's four sheets to the wind.
938
00:39:14,819 --> 00:39:16,287
What the fuck does that mean?
939
00:39:16,354 --> 00:39:18,089
[dance music plays]
940
00:39:20,291 --> 00:39:22,393
So, how's the show going so far?
941
00:39:22,893 --> 00:39:24,628
Great, if you skip this part.
942
00:39:24,862 --> 00:39:26,297
[laughter]
943
00:39:26,364 --> 00:39:27,531
[dance music plays]
944
00:39:28,799 --> 00:39:30,501
You know,
my wife just doesn't understand me.
945
00:39:30,568 --> 00:39:32,770
Oh, you married men are all the same.
946
00:39:32,837 --> 00:39:35,539
No, I mean it, she doesn't understand me.
She's Swahili.
947
00:39:35,606 --> 00:39:36,507
[laughter]
948
00:39:36,574 --> 00:39:37,875
[dance music plays]
949
00:39:38,743 --> 00:39:42,513
The President was right
about creating more jobs.
950
00:39:42,913 --> 00:39:44,081
Too bad for him,
951
00:39:44,281 --> 00:39:47,385
the jobs are all
in the Special Prosecutor's office.
952
00:39:47,451 --> 00:39:48,319
[laughter]
953
00:39:48,386 --> 00:39:49,754
[dance music plays]
954
00:39:49,820 --> 00:39:51,822
[laughing]
955
00:39:52,156 --> 00:39:54,925
And now, as part
of the educational section of our program,
956
00:39:54,992 --> 00:39:58,963
here's Goldie Hawn who will explain to you
what it means when you hear the term,
957
00:39:59,029 --> 00:40:00,931
"This show is pre-recorded."
958
00:40:01,532 --> 00:40:04,668
If this show were live,
I'd be standing here talking to you now,
959
00:40:04,735 --> 00:40:06,470
but I'm not. I'm here weeks ago.
960
00:40:06,537 --> 00:40:08,506
That means that this show
is done a long time
961
00:40:08,572 --> 00:40:10,241
before I do it in front of you.
962
00:40:10,307 --> 00:40:12,576
As a matter of fact,
I should be in Pittsburgh right now.
963
00:40:12,643 --> 00:40:15,613
I could be, except it's too cold,
and anyway, I'm home.
964
00:40:15,679 --> 00:40:18,115
But I can't--
You can't see me because I'm here.
965
00:40:18,182 --> 00:40:19,283
I thank you.
966
00:40:19,350 --> 00:40:21,752
Actually, I'm not thanking you now,
but a long time ago,
967
00:40:21,819 --> 00:40:23,320
so I should say thanked you.
968
00:40:23,521 --> 00:40:24,522
I've thanked you.
969
00:40:25,089 --> 00:40:26,490
-Thank...
-[laughter]
970
00:40:26,557 --> 00:40:28,759
Meanwhile, back at the ranch,
971
00:40:28,859 --> 00:40:31,595
here are Chelsea Handler
and Mary McCormack.
972
00:40:31,662 --> 00:40:33,097
[cheering and applause]
973
00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:38,135
It's so great to be here with another...
974
00:40:38,602 --> 00:40:39,937
fellow funny lady.
975
00:40:40,004 --> 00:40:41,071
Thank you, thank you.
976
00:40:41,138 --> 00:40:43,507
There are so many amazing women
here tonight
977
00:40:43,574 --> 00:40:45,342
paying tribute to Laugh-In,
978
00:40:45,409 --> 00:40:48,012
-and it really, really makes me smile.
-Me, too.
979
00:40:48,078 --> 00:40:52,016
But it would be wrong
to celebrate the women of Laugh-In
980
00:40:52,082 --> 00:40:56,787
without mentioning how groundbreaking
the show was when it came to sexism.
981
00:40:56,854 --> 00:41:01,826
Yes, Laugh-In defied that stupid,
sexist stereotype that has persisted
982
00:41:02,159 --> 00:41:03,861
and gone on to this day,
983
00:41:03,928 --> 00:41:06,397
that silly idea that men aren't funny.
984
00:41:06,497 --> 00:41:08,098
[laughter]
985
00:41:08,732 --> 00:41:10,835
"Men aren't funny"...
986
00:41:11,802 --> 00:41:14,972
has been a poisonous idea
for centuries now.
987
00:41:15,039 --> 00:41:15,873
[laughter]
988
00:41:15,940 --> 00:41:18,876
-Because of course men are funny, right?
-I mean, not all of them are funny.
989
00:41:18,943 --> 00:41:19,777
No, not all.
990
00:41:19,844 --> 00:41:22,146
We found out some pretty bad stuff
over the last year.
991
00:41:22,213 --> 00:41:24,482
I mean, a couple guys
masturbated into plants.
992
00:41:24,548 --> 00:41:26,917
-It wasn't great.
-So, those guys aren't fucking funny.
993
00:41:26,984 --> 00:41:29,553
-No, it wasn't great.
-But there are guys that are funny-funny.
994
00:41:29,620 --> 00:41:31,188
Yeah. I mean, Laugh-In knew that.
995
00:41:31,255 --> 00:41:34,592
They knew that men had the potential
to be funny.
996
00:41:35,326 --> 00:41:40,130
And although a lot of people said,
"Funny men?" in 1968--
997
00:41:40,464 --> 00:41:41,398
Too soon.
998
00:41:41,465 --> 00:41:42,900
[laughter]
999
00:41:43,767 --> 00:41:46,103
-It was so unfair.
-It really was unfair.
1000
00:41:46,170 --> 00:41:50,040
But Laugh-In, like a lot of men,
wouldn't take no for an answer.
1001
00:41:50,975 --> 00:41:52,476
[cheering and applause]
1002
00:41:55,980 --> 00:41:57,615
In the end, it all worked out,
1003
00:41:57,681 --> 00:42:00,117
and men got a chance
to show they could compete.
1004
00:42:00,184 --> 00:42:01,485
And be on a show...
1005
00:42:02,152 --> 00:42:05,256
with these amazing ladies.
1006
00:42:05,322 --> 00:42:06,957
[cheering and applause]
1007
00:42:11,495 --> 00:42:12,329
Women.
1008
00:42:13,030 --> 00:42:14,131
Women, indeed.
1009
00:42:14,198 --> 00:42:16,233
What I think about women is,
1010
00:42:16,300 --> 00:42:19,703
because first, the men--
The thing is, they're so-- The thing is--
1011
00:42:19,770 --> 00:42:22,773
It's great, but they're so--
They're so-- The thing is--
1012
00:42:22,840 --> 00:42:25,509
Sometimes, and if you walk in,
you walk down, and sometimes you see--
1013
00:42:25,576 --> 00:42:29,313
You wanna be-- If you're a little flirta--
You walk in and say, you give a little hi.
1014
00:42:29,380 --> 00:42:33,317
♪ How can I be
A little bit more like you ♪
1015
00:42:33,784 --> 00:42:34,919
♪ Miss Welch? ♪
1016
00:42:34,985 --> 00:42:37,421
-Try a sexy walk.
-Walk!
1017
00:42:37,488 --> 00:42:39,523
-Come on, Gladys, let's get it together.
-Okay.
1018
00:42:39,590 --> 00:42:40,424
[laughter]
1019
00:42:40,491 --> 00:42:41,725
I told you I got it.
1020
00:42:42,293 --> 00:42:43,360
Yes.
1021
00:42:43,427 --> 00:42:45,095
And I think I got it, too.
1022
00:42:45,162 --> 00:42:46,230
[laughter]
1023
00:42:48,566 --> 00:42:50,401
Hello. I'm your Judy doll.
1024
00:42:50,668 --> 00:42:52,036
You can play catch with me.
1025
00:42:52,236 --> 00:42:53,737
You can play house with me.
1026
00:42:53,804 --> 00:42:56,607
But try to play doctor with me,
and I'll break your face.
1027
00:42:56,674 --> 00:42:58,275
Oh! Oh!
1028
00:42:58,342 --> 00:43:00,110
-You know, Dan?
-[Dan] Hmm?
1029
00:43:00,177 --> 00:43:01,946
it's awful lonely at the top.
1030
00:43:02,012 --> 00:43:03,180
[laughter]
1031
00:43:03,948 --> 00:43:06,016
♪ It's lucky to be a woman ♪
1032
00:43:06,083 --> 00:43:08,185
♪ Whenever a crime occurs ♪
1033
00:43:08,285 --> 00:43:10,854
♪ But, honey, the law is on our ♪
1034
00:43:10,921 --> 00:43:12,957
♪ Sweetie, the law is on our ♪
1035
00:43:13,324 --> 00:43:15,259
♪ Darlin', the law is on our ♪
1036
00:43:15,326 --> 00:43:17,161
♪ Here is the truth
The whole damn truth ♪
1037
00:43:17,227 --> 00:43:19,363
♪ And nothing but the truth ♪
1038
00:43:19,463 --> 00:43:20,898
[cheering and applause]
1039
00:43:21,432 --> 00:43:25,002
Meanwhile, in an abandoned warehouse
on the other side of town,
1040
00:43:25,069 --> 00:43:27,304
please welcome Billy Crystal.
1041
00:43:27,471 --> 00:43:28,505
Thank you.
1042
00:43:28,572 --> 00:43:29,773
[cheering and applause]
1043
00:43:34,111 --> 00:43:36,013
Thank you. Thanks for staying.
I was, uh...
1044
00:43:36,080 --> 00:43:37,948
I was clean-shaven when this started.
1045
00:43:38,015 --> 00:43:39,450
[laughter]
1046
00:43:42,786 --> 00:43:44,855
Now every week on Laugh-In,
Dan, Dick, and the cast
1047
00:43:44,922 --> 00:43:47,358
made fun of the ridiculous,
the incomprehensible,
1048
00:43:47,424 --> 00:43:49,293
the stupid, and the corrupt.
1049
00:43:49,360 --> 00:43:51,061
In other words, Washington.
1050
00:43:51,128 --> 00:43:51,996
[laughter]
1051
00:43:52,062 --> 00:43:53,797
Now, it's one of the great strengths
of our country
1052
00:43:53,864 --> 00:43:55,866
that we're allowed to laugh
at our political leaders,
1053
00:43:55,933 --> 00:43:57,935
and they've always been able to take it,
1054
00:43:58,335 --> 00:43:59,336
until now.
1055
00:43:59,403 --> 00:44:00,504
[laughter]
1056
00:44:00,571 --> 00:44:02,339
I mean, can you imagine President Trump?
1057
00:44:02,406 --> 00:44:04,341
'Cause I can't. I just still can't.
1058
00:44:04,842 --> 00:44:05,676
And...
1059
00:44:05,776 --> 00:44:07,277
[laughter]
1060
00:44:07,344 --> 00:44:08,646
[cheering and applause]
1061
00:44:10,080 --> 00:44:11,048
It feels like...
1062
00:44:11,315 --> 00:44:15,052
It actually feels like I'm directing
a movie about the government,
1063
00:44:15,119 --> 00:44:18,188
and they cut to the Oval Office
and he's there, and I want to go,
1064
00:44:18,255 --> 00:44:19,890
"Cut, cut, cut. Who is this?
1065
00:44:19,957 --> 00:44:21,158
[laughter]
1066
00:44:21,792 --> 00:44:23,060
First team, please."
1067
00:44:23,827 --> 00:44:25,195
But can you imagine if...
1068
00:44:26,030 --> 00:44:27,598
-[laughs]
-[laughter]
1069
00:44:28,065 --> 00:44:30,734
I was backstage a long time.
I'm just getting relaxed.
1070
00:44:30,801 --> 00:44:31,935
[laughter]
1071
00:44:32,002 --> 00:44:36,440
Can you imagine his tweets
if Laugh-In were on the air today?
1072
00:44:37,541 --> 00:44:40,310
It might go something like this.
1073
00:44:40,711 --> 00:44:41,645
"Hey, Laugh-In.
1074
00:44:41,712 --> 00:44:44,081
The only thing I like
is the German Soldier.
1075
00:44:44,181 --> 00:44:45,382
[laughter]
1076
00:44:51,789 --> 00:44:54,091
There were funny people on both sides.
1077
00:44:55,559 --> 00:44:58,162
#TomorrowBelongsToMe."
1078
00:44:58,228 --> 00:44:59,363
[laughter]
1079
00:45:01,098 --> 00:45:02,533
"Hey, failing Laugh-In,
1080
00:45:02,833 --> 00:45:04,568
if you're gonna have bikinis on the show,
1081
00:45:04,635 --> 00:45:08,072
you're going to want people
with big breasts like Stormy Daniels or...
1082
00:45:08,138 --> 00:45:09,273
[laughter]
1083
00:45:13,043 --> 00:45:14,244
Or Chris Christie."
1084
00:45:14,311 --> 00:45:15,446
[laughter]
1085
00:45:17,014 --> 00:45:17,881
"Hey, Dan and Dick.
1086
00:45:17,948 --> 00:45:20,551
Stop threatening me
with the 'Here come da judge' line.
1087
00:45:20,617 --> 00:45:21,819
I know what you're up to.
1088
00:45:21,885 --> 00:45:24,054
#LeftySocialistBullshit."
1089
00:45:24,121 --> 00:45:24,955
[laughter]
1090
00:45:25,923 --> 00:45:27,024
[applause]
1091
00:45:28,692 --> 00:45:29,793
"Hey, Laugh-In.
1092
00:45:29,860 --> 00:45:32,329
I like the joke wall. Walls work!
1093
00:45:32,396 --> 00:45:33,731
[laughter]
1094
00:45:35,199 --> 00:45:37,234
Let me ask, did Mexico pay for it?
1095
00:45:37,301 --> 00:45:39,002
Look I'm already wittier than you.
1096
00:45:39,069 --> 00:45:41,705
#PhunniestPresidentEver."
1097
00:45:42,072 --> 00:45:43,107
Oh, jeez.
1098
00:45:43,173 --> 00:45:44,274
[laughter and applause]
1099
00:45:44,341 --> 00:45:45,209
Now...
1100
00:45:45,909 --> 00:45:48,512
probably the most famous political moment
on Laugh-In
1101
00:45:48,579 --> 00:45:50,347
was in 1968,
1102
00:45:50,414 --> 00:45:53,984
when Richard Nixon came on the show
and uttered just four words.
1103
00:45:54,051 --> 00:45:57,921
And when you watch it,
watch his inflection and his rhythm,
1104
00:45:57,988 --> 00:46:01,091
and it'll tell you everything
you need to know about that guy.
1105
00:46:01,158 --> 00:46:02,993
Now, his opponent was Hubert Humphrey,
1106
00:46:03,060 --> 00:46:06,130
and Hubert Humphrey was given
the same offer to be on the show,
1107
00:46:06,196 --> 00:46:07,865
but Mr. Humphrey declined.
1108
00:46:08,298 --> 00:46:10,367
Nixon narrowly wins,
1109
00:46:10,434 --> 00:46:12,236
and many experts to this day
1110
00:46:12,569 --> 00:46:15,606
believe it was that moment on prime time
on Laugh-In
1111
00:46:15,672 --> 00:46:18,008
in front of 40 million people
1112
00:46:18,308 --> 00:46:19,676
that made the difference,
1113
00:46:19,743 --> 00:46:22,846
and that put Richard Nixon
in the White House.
1114
00:46:22,913 --> 00:46:23,747
Laugh-In,
1115
00:46:24,281 --> 00:46:25,115
fuck you.
1116
00:46:25,482 --> 00:46:26,683
[laughter]
1117
00:46:31,388 --> 00:46:33,157
Sock it to me?
1118
00:46:33,223 --> 00:46:36,360
If the war between the administration
and the news media gets any worse,
1119
00:46:36,426 --> 00:46:39,930
the President may demand total withdrawal
of reporters from Washington.
1120
00:46:39,997 --> 00:46:40,831
[laughter]
1121
00:46:40,898 --> 00:46:43,267
Of course, the reporters may request
that he accompany them.
1122
00:46:43,333 --> 00:46:45,769
As one of the nation's
leading politicians,
1123
00:46:45,836 --> 00:46:49,373
would you tell us, please, what you think
of the far right conservatives?
1124
00:46:49,439 --> 00:46:52,142
Well, I think they're fine, dedicated men
1125
00:46:52,209 --> 00:46:56,413
who stake their views and promote
their ideas with integrity and conviction.
1126
00:46:56,480 --> 00:46:58,215
And may I quote you on this, sir?
1127
00:46:58,282 --> 00:46:59,349
No.
1128
00:46:59,416 --> 00:47:03,387
You know, if your president doesn't want
instant analysis of his speeches,
1129
00:47:03,453 --> 00:47:07,157
he shouldn't be giving speeches
that can be instantly analyzed.
1130
00:47:09,126 --> 00:47:11,128
You should get out of Vietnam, you know.
1131
00:47:11,695 --> 00:47:14,531
It's a war you can't win.
And you can't afford to lose.
1132
00:47:15,232 --> 00:47:17,234
It's much the same position England was in
1133
00:47:17,301 --> 00:47:20,237
when your George Washington
started his ruckus with us.
1134
00:47:20,304 --> 00:47:24,741
"All citizens shall have the right
to maintain and bear arms."
1135
00:47:24,808 --> 00:47:26,844
No. No, I'm afraid that won't do.
1136
00:47:26,910 --> 00:47:29,813
You see, then every nut in the country
will be running around with a gun.
1137
00:47:31,014 --> 00:47:36,053
You know that in America, people are free
to protest and criticize our government?
1138
00:47:36,119 --> 00:47:39,423
Oh, Mr. Rowan,
it's same thing in old country.
1139
00:47:39,489 --> 00:47:42,559
-Oh, yeah?
-Free to protest and criticize
1140
00:47:42,626 --> 00:47:44,127
-your government.
-Oh!
1141
00:47:44,194 --> 00:47:46,597
I'd like to leave you
with this thought, friends.
1142
00:47:46,930 --> 00:47:49,566
An America at war with someone else
1143
00:47:49,800 --> 00:47:52,536
is an America at peace with itself.
1144
00:47:53,003 --> 00:47:55,939
Remember, make war, not love.
1145
00:47:56,006 --> 00:47:57,341
[laughter]
1146
00:47:59,810 --> 00:48:00,777
We still on?
1147
00:48:01,278 --> 00:48:02,312
[cheering and applause]
1148
00:48:02,379 --> 00:48:05,716
Tonight's show was taped
in front of a studio audience
1149
00:48:05,782 --> 00:48:07,317
against their will.
1150
00:48:10,120 --> 00:48:11,955
News of the future, 20 years from now,
1151
00:48:12,022 --> 00:48:16,293
scientists who have been experimenting
with marijuana for the past 20 years
1152
00:48:16,660 --> 00:48:19,930
emerge from their laboratory
with two important conclusions.
1153
00:48:19,997 --> 00:48:23,734
First, they say marijuana is
completely harmless,
1154
00:48:23,800 --> 00:48:25,135
and second, they say,
1155
00:48:25,202 --> 00:48:26,837
"The Moon is trying to kill us."
1156
00:48:27,170 --> 00:48:28,605
[laughter]
1157
00:48:29,907 --> 00:48:33,610
[Rob] And now, please welcome Snoop Dog
and Michael Rapaport.
1158
00:48:33,677 --> 00:48:35,078
[cheering and applause]
1159
00:48:41,318 --> 00:48:43,387
Good evening, good evening.
1160
00:48:44,254 --> 00:48:45,522
Good evening, everybody.
1161
00:48:46,657 --> 00:48:48,859
My name is Big Snoop D-O-double-G.
1162
00:48:48,926 --> 00:48:52,462
And I am Michael Rapaport
and this is CNN...
1163
00:48:53,230 --> 00:48:54,064
N.
1164
00:48:54,131 --> 00:48:55,299
[laughter]
1165
00:48:55,365 --> 00:48:57,534
The Cannabis News Network...
1166
00:48:58,268 --> 00:48:59,169
News.
1167
00:48:59,236 --> 00:49:00,237
[laughter]
1168
00:49:00,304 --> 00:49:02,539
Sorry, we were high
when we named it, uh...
1169
00:49:02,973 --> 00:49:06,376
We are a wholly owned subsidiary
of the Double-G-N News Network.
1170
00:49:06,576 --> 00:49:08,245
And so, here to give you the 411...
1171
00:49:08,312 --> 00:49:09,379
I mean, the 420.
1172
00:49:09,479 --> 00:49:10,948
[laughter]
1173
00:49:11,014 --> 00:49:12,349
Our lead story,
1174
00:49:12,749 --> 00:49:16,019
more and more states are joining
in the legalization of marijuana.
1175
00:49:16,253 --> 00:49:17,721
-We got Nevada.
-Yeah.
1176
00:49:17,788 --> 00:49:19,189
-We got Colorado.
-Yeah.
1177
00:49:19,256 --> 00:49:20,257
We got Oregon.
1178
00:49:20,557 --> 00:49:22,259
And, of course, we got California.
1179
00:49:22,326 --> 00:49:23,393
[cheering]
1180
00:49:25,529 --> 00:49:27,831
And New Jersey governor Phil Murphy,
1181
00:49:28,065 --> 00:49:31,368
he wants to include marijuana revenue
into the state budget.
1182
00:49:31,435 --> 00:49:34,604
Finally a reason
to live in fucking New Jersey!
1183
00:49:34,671 --> 00:49:36,340
[laughter]
1184
00:49:36,406 --> 00:49:39,076
But it's still not enough.
Listen, I'm from New York City.
1185
00:49:39,142 --> 00:49:40,711
We need weed.
1186
00:49:40,777 --> 00:49:43,113
Do you see how uptight these people are
on the subway?
1187
00:49:43,180 --> 00:49:44,014
Mike!
1188
00:49:45,716 --> 00:49:47,117
They need to get blazed.
1189
00:49:47,184 --> 00:49:48,385
[cheering]
1190
00:49:50,554 --> 00:49:51,621
[applause]
1191
00:49:53,156 --> 00:49:55,559
And now, it's time for a break.
1192
00:49:56,593 --> 00:49:58,528
Hi. I'm high.
1193
00:49:58,595 --> 00:49:59,930
[laughter]
1194
00:50:00,497 --> 00:50:01,965
Many people say, "Snoop,
1195
00:50:02,699 --> 00:50:04,201
how can I get high with you?"
1196
00:50:04,468 --> 00:50:05,469
Before, I would say,
1197
00:50:06,470 --> 00:50:07,971
"You can't, little white boy."
1198
00:50:08,038 --> 00:50:09,506
[laughter]
1199
00:50:09,573 --> 00:50:12,342
But now, with LBS, Leafs By Snoop,
1200
00:50:12,976 --> 00:50:16,013
it not only makes you feel
like you're smoking with the Dogg,
1201
00:50:16,079 --> 00:50:19,082
but it also makes you feel
like you rolled one with me, too, dude.
1202
00:50:19,149 --> 00:50:19,983
[laughter]
1203
00:50:20,050 --> 00:50:21,852
So if you want to be fly like me,
1204
00:50:22,285 --> 00:50:23,487
or get high like me,
1205
00:50:23,687 --> 00:50:26,490
hit me up on IG, #LBS.
1206
00:50:26,556 --> 00:50:27,891
Back to Mike.
1207
00:50:27,958 --> 00:50:29,426
[cheering and applause]
1208
00:50:31,161 --> 00:50:33,797
According to Entrepreneur mag--
1209
00:50:34,031 --> 00:50:36,099
According to Entrepreneur magazine--
1210
00:50:36,466 --> 00:50:37,401
Let me start that again.
1211
00:50:37,801 --> 00:50:38,802
A--
1212
00:50:39,403 --> 00:50:40,404
This shit is real.
1213
00:50:40,470 --> 00:50:41,471
[laughter]
1214
00:50:41,538 --> 00:50:42,739
[cheering]
1215
00:50:47,844 --> 00:50:49,413
[cheering and applause]
1216
00:50:53,150 --> 00:50:54,518
[cheering]
1217
00:50:55,218 --> 00:50:56,119
[Tiffany] Mm-hmm.
1218
00:50:56,186 --> 00:50:57,921
Snoop, Michael.
1219
00:50:58,255 --> 00:51:00,223
Y'all know y'all can't be smoking
in this theater.
1220
00:51:00,857 --> 00:51:02,092
Wait, we-we-we-we can't?
1221
00:51:02,159 --> 00:51:03,326
No, why smoke
1222
00:51:03,593 --> 00:51:05,362
when I got edibles, baby!
1223
00:51:05,429 --> 00:51:07,531
[cheering]
1224
00:51:11,535 --> 00:51:12,536
Give me one of them.
1225
00:51:14,838 --> 00:51:15,906
You want some?
1226
00:51:15,972 --> 00:51:17,174
[laughter]
1227
00:51:17,908 --> 00:51:19,009
Pot for everybody.
1228
00:51:19,076 --> 00:51:20,210
[cheering]
1229
00:51:22,045 --> 00:51:23,146
[Snoop] Come on, Tiff.
1230
00:51:23,213 --> 00:51:24,281
[siren wailing]
1231
00:51:24,347 --> 00:51:26,616
Tiff, the police coming. Police!
1232
00:51:27,651 --> 00:51:28,885
[cheering]
1233
00:51:35,525 --> 00:51:38,395
Now that was some good shit.
1234
00:51:38,462 --> 00:51:39,763
[laughter]
1235
00:51:40,330 --> 00:51:41,565
[cheering and applause]
1236
00:51:42,065 --> 00:51:42,933
Hello.
1237
00:51:45,001 --> 00:51:45,836
Thank you.
1238
00:51:47,104 --> 00:51:48,538
Thank you very much.
1239
00:51:48,605 --> 00:51:50,207
Wow, what an honor.
1240
00:51:50,574 --> 00:51:52,409
[cheering and applause continues]
1241
00:51:54,144 --> 00:51:56,513
Thank you so much. You're very kind.
1242
00:51:56,913 --> 00:51:59,316
You know, one of the most popular sketches
on Laugh-In
1243
00:51:59,382 --> 00:52:00,951
was when Dan Rowan and Dick Martin
1244
00:52:01,017 --> 00:52:03,687
would award the Fickle Finger of Fate.
1245
00:52:03,753 --> 00:52:04,921
Let's all say it together.
1246
00:52:04,988 --> 00:52:07,757
[together with audience]
The Fickle Finger of Fate.
1247
00:52:07,824 --> 00:52:11,094
They would give it to famous individuals
or government institutions
1248
00:52:11,161 --> 00:52:14,464
for their hypocrisy, their blunders,
and their stupidity.
1249
00:52:14,531 --> 00:52:16,900
Some of the recipients were Congress,
1250
00:52:17,234 --> 00:52:18,468
the Ku Klux Klan,
1251
00:52:18,535 --> 00:52:19,469
and Russia.
1252
00:52:19,769 --> 00:52:21,471
All were deserving back then,
1253
00:52:21,872 --> 00:52:22,973
and still today...
1254
00:52:23,039 --> 00:52:24,508
[laughter]
1255
00:52:24,574 --> 00:52:27,377
...of someone giving them the Finger.
1256
00:52:27,444 --> 00:52:28,745
[cheering]
1257
00:52:29,713 --> 00:52:33,049
This is the Flying
Fickle Finger of Fate award.
1258
00:52:33,116 --> 00:52:35,819
Or the Rigid Digit,
as it's known in Burbank.
1259
00:52:35,886 --> 00:52:38,588
We hereby present Congress with the first
1260
00:52:38,855 --> 00:52:41,224
Flying Fickle Finger of Fate.
1261
00:52:41,291 --> 00:52:43,460
The award must go to Soviet Russia.
1262
00:52:43,527 --> 00:52:45,629
What exactly was it that won
for the good Russians?
1263
00:52:45,695 --> 00:52:47,531
Well, it was their great love of freedom.
1264
00:52:47,597 --> 00:52:49,866
The Russians are
such a freedom-loving people
1265
00:52:49,933 --> 00:52:52,435
that they wanted all the freedom
they could get their hands on,
1266
00:52:52,502 --> 00:52:54,504
so they took Czechoslovakia's, too.
1267
00:52:54,571 --> 00:52:57,641
To Russia with love.
You sure earned it the hard way.
1268
00:52:58,341 --> 00:53:00,710
The Flying Fickle Finger of Fate award,
1269
00:53:00,777 --> 00:53:03,847
or the Nifty Knuckle,
as it's known backstage,
1270
00:53:03,914 --> 00:53:06,349
goes to California governor Ronald Reagan.
1271
00:53:06,850 --> 00:53:08,051
There's no reason right now,
1272
00:53:08,118 --> 00:53:10,620
but we're sure he'll come up with one
by next week.
1273
00:53:11,054 --> 00:53:12,756
-The Ku Klux Klan.
-Oh.
1274
00:53:13,190 --> 00:53:15,292
What are those wizards up to now?
1275
00:53:15,358 --> 00:53:20,530
In recognition of your continuing efforts
to poison the relations between the races,
1276
00:53:20,830 --> 00:53:21,798
we give it to you.
1277
00:53:22,132 --> 00:53:23,466
[laughter]
1278
00:53:27,137 --> 00:53:28,238
[applause]
1279
00:53:28,305 --> 00:53:30,507
You ought to be more careful
with that thing.
1280
00:53:30,807 --> 00:53:32,108
I didn't know it was loaded.
1281
00:53:32,442 --> 00:53:33,476
[laughter]
1282
00:53:33,543 --> 00:53:34,444
[cheering and applause]
1283
00:53:34,511 --> 00:53:35,378
[laughs]
1284
00:53:36,313 --> 00:53:38,515
And now, it is my honor
to award this trophy
1285
00:53:38,582 --> 00:53:41,051
for the first time in 46 years.
1286
00:53:41,117 --> 00:53:45,488
It goes to a man whose hypocrisy,
blunders, and stupidity
1287
00:53:45,555 --> 00:53:47,791
have made him the perfect recipient.
1288
00:53:47,857 --> 00:53:51,661
The new Flying Fickle Finger of Fate
goes to...
1289
00:53:52,162 --> 00:53:56,066
the whiny little bitch himself,
1290
00:53:56,132 --> 00:53:59,035
President Donald J. Trump!
1291
00:53:59,102 --> 00:54:00,804
[cheering and applause]
1292
00:54:00,870 --> 00:54:02,339
And thank you, George Schlatter.
1293
00:54:02,405 --> 00:54:04,341
We love you, and we thank you.
1294
00:54:04,841 --> 00:54:05,809
Thank you.
1295
00:54:05,875 --> 00:54:07,510
[cheering and applause]
1296
00:54:08,812 --> 00:54:12,282
I took my uncle Albert's Playboy magazine.
1297
00:54:12,649 --> 00:54:14,084
Sometimes I drink beer.
1298
00:54:15,952 --> 00:54:18,188
You know what happens when you get angry?
1299
00:54:18,588 --> 00:54:19,789
First, you're...
1300
00:54:20,423 --> 00:54:23,126
your face gets just like a fist.
1301
00:54:23,693 --> 00:54:25,428
And then your heart flies up
1302
00:54:25,629 --> 00:54:28,064
and stings your brain in the front.
1303
00:54:28,565 --> 00:54:31,101
And your eyes are like two dark clouds,
1304
00:54:31,434 --> 00:54:33,003
looking for trouble.
1305
00:54:33,370 --> 00:54:35,605
And your blood is like a tornado.
1306
00:54:36,206 --> 00:54:39,476
And then you have bad weather
inside your body.
1307
00:54:40,043 --> 00:54:40,910
Yes.
1308
00:54:41,745 --> 00:54:42,879
And that is how...
1309
00:54:43,780 --> 00:54:45,849
climate change happens.
1310
00:54:45,915 --> 00:54:46,950
[laughter]
1311
00:54:47,384 --> 00:54:48,551
[applause]
1312
00:54:49,853 --> 00:54:51,521
[dance music plays]
1313
00:54:56,259 --> 00:54:57,227
What's going on?
1314
00:54:57,527 --> 00:54:58,728
Oh, it's up to me?
1315
00:54:58,928 --> 00:55:00,096
[laughter]
1316
00:55:00,163 --> 00:55:01,364
Blessed are the--
1317
00:55:01,431 --> 00:55:02,666
[cheering]
1318
00:55:04,567 --> 00:55:05,435
Hey.
1319
00:55:05,835 --> 00:55:07,871
Hey, so I says to Elon Musk,
1320
00:55:07,937 --> 00:55:10,106
"Don't invent a driverless car.
1321
00:55:10,307 --> 00:55:12,075
I want an odorless Uber."
1322
00:55:12,375 --> 00:55:13,843
[laughter]
1323
00:55:16,946 --> 00:55:18,815
Did I just blow my best joke?
1324
00:55:18,882 --> 00:55:20,150
[laughter]
1325
00:55:20,216 --> 00:55:21,518
[dance music plays]
1326
00:55:24,954 --> 00:55:27,691
Dairy farmers in England
have developed a dating app for cows
1327
00:55:27,757 --> 00:55:29,292
to find matches for breeding,
1328
00:55:29,359 --> 00:55:31,328
or so they tell their wives.
1329
00:55:31,394 --> 00:55:33,263
[dance music plays]
1330
00:55:36,099 --> 00:55:39,269
I wouldn't have missed this party
for all the tea in Scotland.
1331
00:55:39,336 --> 00:55:41,037
[dance music plays]
1332
00:55:45,942 --> 00:55:47,711
How do you feel about vaccinations?
1333
00:55:47,777 --> 00:55:51,181
I used to be against them
until I found out they involved shots.
1334
00:55:51,247 --> 00:55:52,949
I love Jell-O.
1335
00:55:53,016 --> 00:55:54,250
[laughter]
1336
00:55:54,317 --> 00:55:55,952
[dance music plays]
1337
00:55:58,655 --> 00:56:03,526
My boyfriend loves when I wear
sexy bras, and panties, and--
1338
00:56:03,593 --> 00:56:04,961
What's wrong with that?
1339
00:56:05,295 --> 00:56:07,330
They're his bras and panties.
1340
00:56:07,397 --> 00:56:08,998
Go to your room!
1341
00:56:09,065 --> 00:56:09,899
[laughter]
1342
00:56:09,966 --> 00:56:11,368
[dance music plays]
1343
00:56:13,703 --> 00:56:18,441
I don't want a baby.
To raise a kid costs like $250,000.
1344
00:56:18,842 --> 00:56:20,076
Now you tell me?
1345
00:56:20,143 --> 00:56:21,311
[laughter]
1346
00:56:24,647 --> 00:56:28,918
Now that was tasteless
and unfortunately violent.
1347
00:56:29,486 --> 00:56:33,690
Now, here's a moment
that is not violent and not tasteless.
1348
00:56:34,057 --> 00:56:36,092
It is just unfortunate.
1349
00:56:36,993 --> 00:56:40,397
♪ At first I was afraid, I was petrified ♪
1350
00:56:40,730 --> 00:56:44,601
♪ Kept thinking I could never live
Without you by my side ♪
1351
00:56:45,268 --> 00:56:49,539
♪ But I spent so many nights
Feeling sorry for myself ♪
1352
00:56:49,806 --> 00:56:50,974
♪ Now I'm drunk ♪
1353
00:56:51,040 --> 00:56:51,875
[laughter]
1354
00:56:51,941 --> 00:56:53,910
♪ About to turn this fucker up ♪
1355
00:56:53,977 --> 00:56:57,647
♪ Yeah, here is me, somebody new ♪
1356
00:56:58,314 --> 00:57:02,519
♪ I'm not that sorry little chick
You used to fuck with, boo ♪
1357
00:57:02,585 --> 00:57:05,021
♪ Oh, yeah, I'm bad as fuck, yeah ♪
1358
00:57:05,088 --> 00:57:06,823
♪ I do my fucking thing ♪
1359
00:57:06,890 --> 00:57:11,060
♪ And now I cuss because I can buy
My own diamond rings ♪
1360
00:57:11,361 --> 00:57:12,962
-[cheering]
-♪ Oh, go ♪
1361
00:57:13,630 --> 00:57:14,898
♪ Walk out the door ♪
1362
00:57:15,698 --> 00:57:17,367
♪ Don't turn around now ♪
1363
00:57:17,801 --> 00:57:20,503
♪ 'Cause I ain't
That broke chick anymore ♪
1364
00:57:21,171 --> 00:57:24,707
♪ No, I don't drive a Geo Metro
No, no, boo ♪
1365
00:57:24,774 --> 00:57:26,176
♪ I'm in a Tesla ♪
1366
00:57:26,643 --> 00:57:28,745
♪ And Tyler Perry bought it, too ♪
1367
00:57:28,812 --> 00:57:30,280
♪ Oh, yeah, go ♪
1368
00:57:30,346 --> 00:57:31,281
[cheering]
1369
00:57:31,347 --> 00:57:32,215
[Tiffany laughs]
1370
00:57:33,416 --> 00:57:34,951
[cheering and applause]
1371
00:57:36,286 --> 00:57:37,754
Ladies and gentlemen,
1372
00:57:37,987 --> 00:57:40,790
it's been a great celebration of Laugh-In.
1373
00:57:41,224 --> 00:57:44,561
Before we say goodnight,
we have a special treat.
1374
00:57:45,161 --> 00:57:50,567
I give you the music
of Mr. Neil Patrick Harris.
1375
00:57:50,633 --> 00:57:52,168
[cheering and applause]
1376
00:57:56,172 --> 00:57:57,073
Thanks, Tiffany.
1377
00:57:57,140 --> 00:57:59,209
-All right, for real.
-[Tiffany] For real!
1378
00:57:59,442 --> 00:58:01,878
[exhales] Let's do this. Key of G. Hit it.
1379
00:58:02,145 --> 00:58:03,079
[cheering]
1380
00:58:11,020 --> 00:58:11,988
[cheering and applause]
1381
00:58:12,522 --> 00:58:14,924
Take five. Roll 'em!
1382
00:58:14,991 --> 00:58:16,693
-[laughs]
-I think I fucked mine up.
1383
00:58:17,427 --> 00:58:20,163
-Yeah, let's go take two.
-Let's go back. Let's go back.
1384
00:58:20,663 --> 00:58:22,765
President Nixon has been trying to get...
1385
00:58:22,832 --> 00:58:24,300
[laughs]
1386
00:58:24,367 --> 00:58:28,238
My single, broke girlfriend called me
the other day, and she totally...
1387
00:58:28,605 --> 00:58:29,906
Can we do it again? Sorry.
1388
00:58:30,173 --> 00:58:33,676
President Nixon has been trying to get
a list of the total number of...
1389
00:58:35,478 --> 00:58:36,813
[laughing] I'm so sorry.
1390
00:58:36,880 --> 00:58:38,214
[laughter]
1391
00:58:38,281 --> 00:58:39,182
Well...
1392
00:58:39,749 --> 00:58:42,151
-You've got your thumb on my line.
-[laughs]
1393
00:58:42,352 --> 00:58:44,087
I think you did fuck it up.
1394
00:58:44,153 --> 00:58:45,288
[laughter]
1395
00:58:45,355 --> 00:58:46,189
And now, I...
1396
00:58:46,256 --> 00:58:48,391
This is me forgetting my joke. Um...
1397
00:58:49,893 --> 00:58:53,062
♪ The elevators work
But never up and down ♪
1398
00:58:53,129 --> 00:58:54,497
[laughing]
1399
00:58:55,265 --> 00:58:56,399
[laughter]
1400
00:58:56,466 --> 00:58:58,468
-Do it again.
-Turn the cards back.
1401
00:58:58,535 --> 00:59:00,203
We've been sitting there
1402
00:59:00,270 --> 00:59:03,039
for two fucking hours, waiting for this.
1403
00:59:03,106 --> 00:59:04,941
-[laughter and cheering]
-We have!
1404
00:59:09,045 --> 00:59:10,513
[laughs]
1405
00:59:11,514 --> 00:59:14,951
-We are cold as a witch's tit.
-Cold. Cold.
1406
00:59:15,018 --> 00:59:17,854
Okay, you guys, hold it down. [laughs]
1407
00:59:18,221 --> 00:59:19,756
This year, I want to get it right.
1408
00:59:19,822 --> 00:59:22,292
-I ain't taking the blame for this shit.
-No.
1409
00:59:22,358 --> 00:59:24,127
-We... that's right. [laughs]
-[laughter]
1410
00:59:24,193 --> 00:59:25,461
[laughing]
1411
00:59:25,995 --> 00:59:28,364
-You're... you're... you're sexy.
-[laughs]
1412
00:59:28,431 --> 00:59:30,099
[laughing]
1413
00:59:30,166 --> 00:59:32,535
-I didn't get my line right.
-[laughs]
1414
00:59:32,602 --> 00:59:34,070
Listen, honey.
1415
00:59:34,337 --> 00:59:37,006
My husband wants to... [laughs]
1416
00:59:37,373 --> 00:59:38,508
Listen, honey.
1417
00:59:38,942 --> 00:59:40,677
[laughing] You think you've got it bad?
1418
00:59:42,145 --> 00:59:43,646
-[laughing]
-Come on. [laughs]
1419
00:59:44,514 --> 00:59:46,049
I didn't write my joke, by the way.
1420
00:59:47,417 --> 00:59:50,019
In case you go, "Why does that guy suck?"
'Cause I didn't write it.
1421
00:59:50,086 --> 00:59:51,287
[laughter]
1422
00:59:53,990 --> 00:59:55,425
I didn't like that one either.
1423
00:59:55,491 --> 00:59:56,492
Ah! My head!
1424
00:59:57,126 --> 00:59:58,595
Oh, did I... did I hit you?
1425
00:59:58,661 --> 01:00:01,297
-I hit my head on the thing.
-Yes, don't hit your head in there!
1426
01:00:02,231 --> 01:00:04,901
[laughing] Dateline,
San Clemente, California.
1427
01:00:05,101 --> 01:00:08,371
It's a funny town, all right.
Yeah, San Clemente, California.
1428
01:00:08,438 --> 01:00:10,106
Residents of this seaside--
1429
01:00:10,173 --> 01:00:11,507
[laughter]
1430
01:00:12,675 --> 01:00:15,378
♪ She was only eight years old ♪
1431
01:00:15,445 --> 01:00:18,548
♪ But she stole my powerhouse ♪
1432
01:00:18,948 --> 01:00:20,516
No way, man.
1433
01:00:20,583 --> 01:00:21,751
[laughter]
1434
01:00:26,422 --> 01:00:28,558
"Stole my powerhouse"?
1435
01:00:28,625 --> 01:00:29,792
[laughter]
1436
01:00:31,928 --> 01:00:33,196
Artie, give me a break.
1437
01:00:33,696 --> 01:00:34,864
[laughter]
96580
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