Original subtitles

[? dramatic music playing]

??

[Cherie] Wallstronauts, as we stand

on the edge of this perilous journey,

I struggled with the right words to inspire you,

but then I remembered Gene Hackman's speech from Crimson Tide,

which I had to watch with my shitty ex-boyfriend

who got rejected from the Navy because of his lazy elbow

and addiction to huffing Porta-Potty cleaner.

We constitute the first

and last line of defense against Yumyulack.

I expect and demand you do your very best,

and if you can't,

that strange sensation you'll be feeling

is my boot in your tiny ass.

-Go, Bama! -[all] Roll Tide.

Zero Wallians died to bring us this info.

Now we believe Yumyulack will be gone all day tomorrow

at Panera University.

He's helping them develop a new caffeinated lemonade

that will only put you in a coma.

Listen up, this Golden Girls watch is our countdown clock.

When Bea Arthur's sexy-ass leg hits 0800,

we launch no matter what.

[all] Yeah!

Tomorrow we get big,

but tonight we celebrate the end of the little era.

Hit it, DJ Marshmello.

[? upbeat house music playing]

Is that really Marshmello?

Nah, it's just a dude with a Lucky Charms stuck to his head,

but his beats hit, right?

[? dramatic music playing]

[? mysterious music playing]

[? rock music playing]

Smells good. What ya grilling?

-Salmon planks. -Since when do we have salmon?

Since a crow dropped a piece of sushi in the sandbox.

-Eat up. -Mm, yum.

[sniffs] Ugh.

[Nova] Are we rushing this launch?

There's so much we don't know.

That sneaky little alien shitbag

said he was setting booby traps for us.

Please, see that spilled cherry Fun Dip?

It's actually grape-flavored rat poison.

He's not gonna get us with that.

Yeah, but the bedroom is messier than ever.

Who knows what he hid out there?

It's a mess because Jesse and Yumyulack are doing

"No Laundry November" to raise money for dual penis disorder.

Sounds rough, but not as rough

as diving into a dangerous trap-laden room.

We don't have a choice.

Our launch window's tighter than a Hollister romper.

We have to launch tomorrow.

[crew laughing]

[Nova] Look at them. They could all die out there.

-I pray to Jesse that-- -Hey, they'll make it.

If you wanna have faith, have it in me.

Ringo, you get some of that yard salmon?

No, not for me. I filled up on cricket.

Plus, I need to study my maps again.

It has to be perfect tomorrow.

Will you two Anxious Anitas relax?

Everything's gonna be fine.

Nothing can stop us now.

[cawing]

[crew vomiting, moaning]

[Cherie] Oh, God. What the hell?

It stinks like a Doberman's asshole.

Wallstronaut, what is happening?

Who the fuck thought it was a good idea

to feed us salmon that was dropped on the ground

by a dirty old crow?

-[farting] -[Cherie] Oh!

Okay, yeah, I guess it sounds gross when you say it like that.

[crew vomiting]

Oh, my God, we poisoned the whole crew.

Did anyone not eat the salmon?

Not me but, hey, these guys are tough.

-Maybe they'll bounce back. -[man screams]

I just blew out my asshole.

-It's on the ground. -[crew moans, vomits]

Oh, I slipped and fell on my own asshole!

We are launching this ship today.

With what crew?

'Cause ours is brown-blasting into Monopoly thimbles.

Us! We're the leaders of the Wall.

It should have been us the whole time,

and now fate and salmonella have brought us to this moment.

It's too dangerous. You can't risk it.

Think about Pezlie.

She won't be safe until we're fucking big.

Guys, we can do this.

We still have our pilot.

Come to think of it, The Duke,

why were you the only one who didn't eat the sushi?

What are you saying, The Montez?

You think I sabotaged the mission? How fucking dare you?

I've given my life to the Wall.

You've taken a lot as well.

So have you taken a lot also!

Hey, hey, hey, that is really bad grammar,

and now is not the time.

Look, Cherie's right. It's up to us, but we are not a whole crew.

That's why the B-Team's been training with the A-Team all along.

The B-Team? Those weirdo fuck-ups are ticking time bombs.

Uh, they're right over there.

-Hey. -Yeah, I know.

It's not a reveal for me.

I've been staring at them this whole time.

-Fuck you! -Who the hell is on the B-Team?

[Cherie] Nomi, the Wall's foremost expert in Yumyulack.

I know all there is to know about that big blue cum stain.

Plus, I built the ship's computer out of spare parts

and an LED screen from a Horizon: Zero Cavities electric toothbrush.

But she seems normal.

Guys, check out my new Yumyulack tattoo.

His eyes are my titties.

Watch, I can make it look like he's reading.

Woo, look at that.

[Cherie] Next is our navigator Chip Ozmonski.

People call me Oz,

and all of y'all know I should have been on the A-team

'cause I'm about to fuck this mission in its A-hole.

Oz, relax. Getting too emotional could trigger mission psychosis,

like Michael Biehn in The Abyss.

That shit ain't happening to the Wizard of Oz.

If anything, this bitch right here is gonna get it.

[Cherie] And this is Walter, the muscle.

He's constantly shaving his head, and he never talks.

He writes everything on a notepad

like that kid in Little Miss Sunshine.

Alright, crappy loser understudies, saddle up.

It's time to save the people of the Wall.

[? dramatic music playing]

[all] Seventeen...

16,

-15... -Mama.

[all] ...14, 13,

12, 11, 10...

-Wait, I forgot something. -What the fuck? There's no time.

-Never mind, I found it. -[all] Seven...

-Oh, that's mature, asshole. -[all] ...six...

[all] ...five, four,

three, two, one!

-[Cherie] Go, go, go! -[? dramatic music playing]

Are we sure the spark plug will shatter the glass?

We're about to find out.

[? dramatic music continues]

[glass shatters]

[Wallians cheer]

It's working. Course set for niner-two-niner.

This is awesome. I feel great.

No mission psychosis for this bad motherfucker.

-You hear me, Walter? -[Walter snores]

Looks like we're headed straight for the TV stand.

Shrink Ray dead ahead.

Oh, my God, at this rate, we could be big in an hour.

That's like just like two episodes of Sex Lives of College Girls.

-[loud thud] -Ah! What was that?

-Might have been an air pocket. -Do bedrooms have that?

I'm getting some drag on the left wing.

Anyone got a visual?

Maybe it was Yumyulack's fan.

No, no way. He doesn't like to share the breeze with Jesse.

It's usually stationary.

Well, today it's fucking oscillating.

[fan buzzing]

-Get us out of its path. -I'm trying!

Maybe the pupa can help us.

He's too busy with some sort of important sci-fi business.

[female VR AI] Oh, hey there, sailor.

Looks like you and your burly cousins

all got stuck in that dishwasher.

-[wood cracks] -We're losing a wing.

I can maybe use the current to get us to Jesse's bed.

I'm aiming for the minion pillow.

-Which minion is it? -I don't know, Kevin?

-That doesn't look like Kevin. -Which one says banana?

They all say banana!

-Crash positions! -[crew screaming]

[? dramatic music playing]

[gasps] Onion volcano!

[crew groans]

-Looks like Kevin saved our ass. -It was Bob.

Both wings are fucked, but everything else seems intact

except it's wet for some reason.

Yeah, shit, that was me.

Sorry, dudes, I blasted a bunch of piss when we crashed.

This is more than just one man's urine.

Something's off.

Crap. Remember that big box that blocked the Wall?

We thought Yumyulack finally pulled the trigger

on that Hoda Kotb body pillow,

but we were wrong.

I think Jesse got a new mattress.

I feel like I'm becoming the "points out the front window and yells" guy,

but what the hell is that?

We're on a fucking water bed!

The crash must have triggered a wave towards the headboard!

Everyone strap in now!

Deploy the wheels!

-[gears clicking] -[? dramatic music playing]

What the fuck are you doing? You're heading right for it!

-You're going to kill us! -Goddammit, man, you gotta trust me.

No, I don't!

Oh, fuck! Oh, shit! I got mission psychosis.

I know I said I wouldn't get it, but deep down, I knew I would.

-[cries] -Shut up!

Who said that? I think I'm going blind

from the mission psychosis thing I mentioned.

Calm down. You are freaking out!

Fuck your mother! We're all gonna die right here on this--

[Walter grunts]

[crew screaming]

-[Pupa grunting] -[karate chops through VR helmet]

-[crew screaming] -[alarm beeping]

Woo! Ha, ha! Looks like we're not dead.

Oh, what happened?

I was trying to have some mission psychosis.

Oh, wow, Yumyulack's JNCO jeans.

Can't believe these are back in style.

Just another reason to hurry up and get big again,

before we miss the fad.

-[crew gasps] -Oh, my God,

Sir Yumyulack's phone is still in the pocket.

Did you just call him "Sir"?

Forget it, kid. That thing's huge compared to us.

We can't even press the buttons.

Guys, it's a Motorola Razr Rise-Up,

preloaded with motivational ringtones.

-So what? -So this model has a mini SD card,

which could be full of Yumyulack data.

No way. It's way too dangerous out there.

Nomi, come back!

Shit, Oz, get out there and help her.

Why me? I might be concussed.

What's three plus one, 75?

See, I'm all fucked up.

Shut up, you pussy, and go!

-Whatever, man. -Hurry, we're too exposed here.

Holy Jesse, Mother of Bows...

What are you doing?

This water is from Jesse's holy mattress.

This mission is already so fucked up,

we don't have time to be baptizing ourselves

in dirty bed water.

-[pulsing] -Oh, my God, what now?

-[Ringo] Get back in here! -[Montez] Nomi!

Let's go, dude. Come on ! Go, go, go, go, dude, let's go!

What the hell is that?

[Nova] It's the Roomba!

[crew screams]

Release the dirty countermeasures.

-[Roomba whirring] -[explosion booms]

[tires squeal]

We should be in the clear.

[Walter pants, shudders]

[mumbling]

Yeah, I'm gonna die a hero like my underpants Ben Stiller.

What the fuck? You can talk, man.

[screams]

I am 300 years young!

I will live forever in Middle Dawn!

He's got real mission psychosis.

You see, Oz, this is what it looks like.

Hey, mine was real, too.

It's a spectrum, like sexuality.

-[Walter panting] -Grab him!

[Walter yelling]

I'm swimming in the fudge.

[Walter yells]

-[organs splatter] -[crew screams]

Floor it, Ringo!

-[? dramatic music playing] -[Roomba rumbling]

[Nova] Yum's bed frame is lower.

The Roomba can't follow us under here.

[crew cheers]

[Oz] Damn, dude, Walter got killed by a Roomba,

just like the graffiti on that highway underpass said would happen.

Everyone, just breathe. We're safe.

-Because of you, Ringo. -Yeah, I hate to say this,

but great job getting us under the bed.

Wait a hot gal autumn, are we about to become besties?

Shut up. No.

[Nomi] Oh, my God, this is unbelievable.

Pictures, videos, text, the notes app,

all of Yumyulack's life right here.

-Can we use it to call for help? -No, it's all data.

-Then I don't give a shit. -Uh, I do.

Oh, my God!

Lyrics to a song he wrote called Mound Town,

sung to the tune of Funky Town.

We can finally answer the question,

"Can Yumyulack do parody?"

[? suspenseful music playing]

What is that? Shine the light up there.

[? mysterious music playing]

Mountains of Penthouse magazines.

Ooh, what years we talking?

They featured a lot of shaved schnizz from '98 to '04.

Yeah, that checks out. Yumyulack prefers a clean runway.

-[thud] -[crew yells]

Hi-ya! [yelling]

We gotta get outta here. Go for the thigh gap.

[? dramatic music playing]

-[crew screams] -[? dramatic music continues]

[all panting, gasping]

Well, this thing is donezo.

Thank you for your service.

It's time to rest now, my sweet, sweet girl.

? Oh, Danny boy ?

? The pipes, the pipes are calling ?

? From glen to glen ?

? And down the mountainside ?

-? The summer's gone ? -Oh, Jesus Christ,

we were only in that thing for, like, 10 minutes.

And it only takes an instant to fall in love,

you callous dick bag.

[Cherie] Guys, stop, look.

We're closer than ever to the Shrink Ray.

Everyone, grab ropes and the hooks for climbing.

We'll have to go on foot.

I'm bringing the mini SD card.

Hell no, it'll slow us down.

I know, but look.

[Yumyulack laughs]

La la la la la la la!

You call that tickling.

I don't tip unless you make me throw up.

He paid to be tickled.

That laugh's gonna haunt me.

It's like if Todd Phillips' Joker got a vuvuzela shoved up his ass.

Guys, if this got out,

Yumyulack would die of embarrassment.

Social currency is everything to him now.

When we get big, he'll die in jail.

-Let's focus on that. -You know what? No!

I've kept my mouth shut long enough!

This fucking plan sucks my one nut.

Lost the other one shooting a Cameo on a Razor scooter.

Who would pay for a Cameo from you?

You couldn't even get real mission psychosis.

I can too. Blah, blah, I'm having it right now.

Oz, you're embarrassing yourself.

Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!

Nomi, I'd love to hit that sometime.

Now, I'm taking my rope and going back to the Wall.

-[electricity crackles] -[Oz screams]

What the fuck is happening?

He's actually finally having mission psychosis.

No, he's being electrocuted.

Oh, my God, I was actually gonna let him and his one ball in my pants.

Jesus Christ, nobody move.

We're standing on Cavity Sam from the board game Operation.

Damn, the ankle bone connected to the knee bone.

Yumyulack must have plugged it into an outlet to give it extra juice.

We're standing on a minefield that the whole family can enjoy.

[Cherie sighs]

Oz was right. Two people have died.

I don't know, maybe we should give up.

Sometimes you gotta know when to hold 'em,

and sometimes you gotta know when to go back to the alien terrarium.

-That's not how the song goes. -What song?

I think we need to cut our losses, go back, and regroup.

No way. We have to finish this mission, for the Wall.

I don't give a fuck about the people of the Wall.

-[crew gasps] -[Cherie] The truth is,

I only care about Pezlie getting big and having a normal life.

Everyone else can get fucked.

But you're supposed to care what happens to us.

Well, I don't.

Then you are a fucking fraud, Queen Cherie!

I'm the fraud? You were out here bathing yourself in Jesse's bed water,

still wearing scraps of your stupid Bowinian robes.

So? It's my religion!

Oh, bullshit!

The only reason you came on this mission

is so that you can get big and meet Jesse.

How did you think it was gonna go?

You guys would just become best friends.

Not right away. Maybe we meet for boba first

and bond over our love of British rom-coms.

She keeps you trapped in a Wall.

Who wouldn't wanna be friends with her? She's a god.

She's not a god!

She's just a weird alien who smells like detergent

and has cyberbullied a half dozen K-pop stars

into early retirement!

[both scream]

Hey, you guys wanna stop fighting so we can do this already.

Just follow our path.

How did you guys figure out how to safely get across?

It was all Montez.

When I was a kid, I'd hide in the closet when my parents were fighting

and play Operation over and over again.

Cavity Sam was basically

the only positive role model I've ever had.

Yeah. Pretty cool, right?

Sorry, I know you said leave the SD card behind, but I just couldn't.

-It's too valuable. -You guys start climbing.

I'm gonna talk to Nomi for a sec.

As long as you aren't talking about whether or not you can touch my dick

'cause that's a hard pass.

For the millionth time, I know!

-[? dramatic music playing] -[all grunting]

[screams]

I got you.

No one's going splat today, my friend.

[? dramatic music playing]

Hey, I'm sorry for being such an asshole today.

If this is one of those trick apologies, I'm not falling for it, bitch.

No, it's real.

This is gonna sound weird, but I'm actually jealous of you.

Come on. What are you talking about?

We both ran the Wall through fear

and that shit can eat you up,

but you came out of it a better person

and now you're running the place and people love you.

You'll probably get another sick-ass mural.

The mural is pretty sick.

Nobody remembers I even exist.

I'll never get a chance to really prove I'm a good guy.

Monty, after what you've done today,

everyone in the Wall will know that you are a great guy,

and I promise, you'll get the sickest mural of all.

If you two are done sucking each other's emotional dicks,

can we get back to climbing?

[crew grunts]

We did it!

I've never seen the Wall from this side.

It almost looks peaceful.

Fuck this. Let's get big.

Grab those ropes, people!

[Pupa] [grunting] Ah! Sharks!

[? dramatic music playing]

-Ready? -Do it.

Make me big again!

Pull!

-[crew grunting] -[rope creaking]

This is easy.

Wait, what's happening?

It's not pulling the trigger,

it's cutting into it!

What the hell?

What's it made out of?

[gasps] Chocolate fondant.

Oh, my God!

[Nova] This isn't the real Shrink Ray.

-This is cake! -[? dramatic music playing]

No, no, no, no. This can't be.

[footsteps thudding]

[clapping] Well, well, well. You little bitches

made it way farther than I thought you would.

I knew how bad you wanted the Shrink Ray,

so I swapped it out with the cake version while you were sleeping.

You got played.

Oh, my God! The fan, the Roomba, the board game.

We've been dancing to his tune the whole time.

What? I didn't do any of that stuff.

The cake was the only thing I did.

But you said there'd be booby traps.

I don't remember that. I barely think about you.

I'm super popular at school now,

and I've got my own Substack where I discuss men's fashion trends.

-Fuck you! -[smacks]

Ha, I don't fist fight people the size of Tic Tacs.

There isn't gonna be a fight

because you're going to do whatever I tell you to do.

[laughs] That shit's funny.

Why would I ever listen to you?

Because I have the mini SD card from your phone

with all the stupid selfies and-- Oh!

Those tickling videos.

What tickling videos? I have no idea what you're talking about.

Those are private between me and my associates.

Dammit! Give me that card back.

[Cherie] If those videos got out, they'd ruin everything

you built this year, motherfucker.

What would happen to your precious Substack?

Nothing, because I'll just smush you.

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,

I hid it with a member of my team.

So if we die, they release all of it.

You're bluffing. If you could get on the internet,

you'd already have called for help.

We built a whole world in the Wall.

We even spread to the backyard.

Everyone will make it their life mission

to get those embarrassing videos out to the world.

You wanna gamble that they can't?

Shit, shit, shit!

Okay, what do you want?

Make us big again, and we'll walk away forever

and I promise, you'll get your card back.

Fine-uhh! You guys are such dicks.

I just need to do a quick scan of the Wall first.

-That was-- -Oh, my fucking God.

Exactly.

That's why you sent Nomi off.

Just like with the B-Team.

Always have a backup plan.

But is any of the stuff you said to him true?

Who cares? As long as that shithead thinks

we're gonna blow up his spot, we own his ass.

Alright, scanned, you're all good.

I can make everyone big except one person.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. That's not the deal.

We all have to be big.

Why is there someone who can't be returned to their normal size?

I can reverse the shrinking,

but it looks like there's someone who was born small in the Wall.

[gasps] Pezlie!

If they've never been big, using the Ray on them

would make their cells explode.

Everyone else should be fine though.

Who wants to go first?

Oh, no. Cherie.

All I ever wanted was to see my daughter big

and have a chance at a real life.

And now that's impossible.

We'll all be big, and she'll be a freak.

-[Cherie sobbing] -There has to be some way.

You guys do it.

I want you to get big. You deserve that.

But if Pezlie's staying small, then I am, too.

I can't let her live out her life on her own.

Just promise you'll take care of us.

We can live in an Amazon box or an old Croc.

Those are comfortable.

And after I die, just watch over my girl.

She'll be all alone.

[cries]

We doing this shit or what?

I got a 6:30 resy at the Cheesecake Factory.

-No. -No!

If Cherie and Pezlie aren't getting big,

-then neither are we. -Nova.

That girl deserves to live in a community of people

who are the same relative size as her.

I can't let you do that for me.

But you can't stop us.

We are in this together no matter what happens.

We have mutually decided to stay small.

You know what? I'm not invested in you guys, but that's dumb.

[Nova] Whoa, whoa, whoa, where are you going, fart face?

-We're not done with you yet. -Oh, come on.

If you don't want those videos getting out,

you're gonna do exactly what we want.

From now on, we own your ass.

But that's blackmail.

I don't know if it's racist to call it that now,

but that's what it is.

[Cherie] It's racist when you say it.

Moving forward, you're going to get us real food,

real medicine, clean water, and whatever supplies we want,

including stuff for our lady parts.

We might be small, but if you don't wanna become a meme,

you better make sure living in the Wall isn't a prison sentence anymore.

Then what is it?

You're going to make it a fucking paradise

and keep your mouth shut.

Now take your alien bitch ass outta here

and get us some fucking vegetables.

We're talking leafy greens.

I haven't had a real shit in years.

I'm gonna find that SD card

and then blowtorch the whole Wall!

-[Pupa grunting] -Goddammit, Pupa,

stop playing with my Hulu-Gabulu headset.

You're getting it all slimy. Ah!

[door closes]

This day just keeps getting weirder and weirder.

No one can ever know about this.

The people of the Wall, they wouldn't understand.

[Nova] So we tell them about the cake

and just pretend that Yumyulack won.

And when the good stuff starts to come in,

we'll say he's just fucking with us.

You think they'll buy it?

They will because we say it's true.

We make the rules now.

After all this time, all the battles,

all the candy-based deaths,

we will make the Wall into heaven on earth.

You think the replicants are gods?

Well, now we own a god.

Pezlie will be happy, and so will everyone else.

It all changes moving forward.

I know in my heart that this is going to work out.

[? dramatic music playing]

[beeping]

[? dramatic music playing]

This is our last roach.

We can't stay in the skull.

We have to move, no matter how dangerous the roads are.

[coughs]

Papa, how did the world get like this?

It all started because a good woman

thought she could control an alien child.

[gasps] Great Grandma Pezlie.

Let me tell you the story of how my mother

tried to give me a good life

and how she accidentally caused the destruction of worlds,

both big and small.

It started on a Tuesday.

[? dramatic music playing]

??

??

[mimicking laser fire]

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0