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1
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[? dramatic theme playing]
2
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[birds chirping]
3
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:11,219
[? elegant music playing]
4
00:00:12,721 --> 00:00:13,722
Oh...
5
00:00:18,101 --> 00:00:19,144
[? flute playing]
6
00:00:20,145 --> 00:00:22,272
-[door slams open]
-My Lord, we just captured this rogue
7
00:00:22,355 --> 00:00:23,940
trespassing in the Royal Forest.
8
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:25,650
He came from the Dark Lands.
9
00:00:25,734 --> 00:00:28,945
'Tis forbidden to cross
the border to the Fae Realm.
10
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,530
Whost dareth?
11
00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:32,490
I dareth!
12
00:00:32,573 --> 00:00:35,952
By the gods, I never knew
a non-Fae could be so beautiful.
13
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:38,955
Right back at you,
you big naughty fairy. [giggles]
14
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,165
[gasps]
15
00:00:40,248 --> 00:00:41,916
My Lord, Fae Law demands
16
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:44,836
trespassers be decapitated immediately.
17
00:00:44,919 --> 00:00:47,964
You ain't decapitating shit,
you Spock ass-lookin' bitch.
18
00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:49,549
[? epic music playing]
19
00:00:49,632 --> 00:00:51,718
He has a lightning cutlass!
20
00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:54,012
-Wah!
-[flesh squelching]
21
00:00:54,095 --> 00:00:57,307
Bollocks, Terry, did you fall asleep
reading on the toilet again?
22
00:00:57,390 --> 00:00:59,684
No, no, no, I was pooping.
Dropping a deuce.
23
00:00:59,768 --> 00:01:02,062
Busting a growler,
taking a big old American dump.
24
00:01:02,145 --> 00:01:04,189
Everybody knows we don't have buttholes.
25
00:01:04,272 --> 00:01:05,315
I bet you were dreaming of being
26
00:01:05,398 --> 00:01:07,233
in those ridiculous romantasy books again.
27
00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:08,318
I wasn't asleep.
28
00:01:08,401 --> 00:01:09,486
I was just making sure all 12
29
00:01:09,569 --> 00:01:11,237
of my inner eyelids touch
when I close them.
30
00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:14,199
Get up! We're going to be late
for Kevin's stupid dinner party thing,
31
00:01:14,282 --> 00:01:16,534
which he's texted me
an embarrassing number of reminders about.
32
00:01:16,618 --> 00:01:17,619
Give me two minutes.
33
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I'm at a sex scene, and I want to see
34
00:01:19,162 --> 00:01:20,872
how heavy this guy's balls are.
35
00:01:20,955 --> 00:01:22,207
Why do we even have a bathroom?
36
00:01:22,290 --> 00:01:24,584
Well, it's the best place to read books
and shampoo bottles.
37
00:01:24,667 --> 00:01:25,835
You want a Dos Equis?
38
00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:27,253
Ugh, fine.
39
00:01:27,337 --> 00:01:28,838
[doorbell rings]
40
00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:32,425
Terry, Korvo, welcome to Casa de Kevin-o!
41
00:01:32,509 --> 00:01:35,428
Kev-dog, I brought a five-pack
of Sydney Sweeney Sweet Tea.
42
00:01:35,512 --> 00:01:37,472
It was a six-pack,
but I got no impulse control,
43
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so I chugged one
on the 25-second walk over.
44
00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:41,017
And I brought you this banner.
45
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Quora said to bring a gift,
and I found it in a dumpster.
46
00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,688
Um, okay, thanks.
47
00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:47,315
I will help you hang it immediately.
48
00:01:47,398 --> 00:01:48,858
Where are your drywall anchors?
49
00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:50,819
And to end the last book
on such a cliffhanger!
50
00:01:50,902 --> 00:01:52,946
What will happen to Jaztopher's pendant?
51
00:01:53,029 --> 00:01:54,030
Wait, are you talking about
52
00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:56,241
the Realm of Satin and Swords
by J.Q. Pringle?
53
00:01:56,324 --> 00:01:57,367
We're obsessed.
54
00:01:57,450 --> 00:01:58,785
I love romantasy!
55
00:01:58,868 --> 00:02:01,329
It's got twice the adjectives
than any other genre.
56
00:02:01,412 --> 00:02:05,542
Chapter 50, where Cassandra
and Grimoire met? So cute.
57
00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:08,837
How their hands touched when
they both reached for the lamb shank?
58
00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:09,921
[all swoon]
59
00:02:10,004 --> 00:02:11,756
Reminds me of how Herb and I met.
60
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:12,841
Spill it, sister!
61
00:02:12,924 --> 00:02:16,302
We were randomly
on the same plane to Allentown.
62
00:02:16,386 --> 00:02:19,264
Herb bribed the flight attendant
so he could sit with me.
63
00:02:19,347 --> 00:02:21,933
We were in love by the time we landed.
64
00:02:22,016 --> 00:02:25,687
Aw, I love that for you!
Just north of stalker behavior.
65
00:02:25,770 --> 00:02:29,065
Kevin and I met when we got locked
in the same bathroom at Cabela's.
66
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:31,484
I thought it was one of those
all-gender bathrooms,
67
00:02:31,568 --> 00:02:34,195
but Cabela's went
to the Supreme Court to prevent that.
68
00:02:34,279 --> 00:02:37,115
Aw! I bet it smelled
like ammunition and piss.
69
00:02:37,198 --> 00:02:38,533
How did you and Korvo meet?
70
00:02:38,616 --> 00:02:39,993
Oh, it was...
71
00:02:40,076 --> 00:02:42,203
It was pretty standard. Just normal.
72
00:02:42,287 --> 00:02:44,455
-Just a normal way.
-What? I love how we met.
73
00:02:44,539 --> 00:02:46,624
Back on the home world, I was designated
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as mission participant 658942,
75
00:02:49,294 --> 00:02:52,922
and Terry was mission participant 658943!
76
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:54,257
Honey, no one wants to hear this.
77
00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:56,926
Our numeric propinquity made us teammates.
78
00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:59,053
So your numbers were close?
79
00:02:59,137 --> 00:03:01,139
That's not romantic at all.
80
00:03:01,222 --> 00:03:04,058
That's right, wives of men.
As passionless as you can get.
81
00:03:04,142 --> 00:03:07,562
I-I have to go!
I left a sirloin defrosting in my toilet!
82
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,230
I am leaving also.
83
00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:10,523
I would come up with an excuse,
84
00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:12,025
but, really, I just hate this stuff
85
00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:13,943
and I hate being around all of you.
86
00:03:14,819 --> 00:03:15,945
Give me back my banner!
87
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[Korvo]
Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia,
88
00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:21,367
until the asteroid hit.
89
00:03:22,243 --> 00:03:24,579
One hundred adults and their replicants
were issued a Pupa,
90
00:03:24,662 --> 00:03:26,164
and escaped into space,
91
00:03:26,247 --> 00:03:28,958
searching for new homes
on uninhabited worlds.
92
00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:30,168
We crashed on Earth,
93
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stranding us on an already
overpopulated planet.
94
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That's right, I've been talking
this whole time.
95
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I'm the one holding the Pupa.
96
00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:37,091
My name is Korvo. This is my show.
97
00:03:37,175 --> 00:03:38,426
Bollocks, I just dropped the Pupa.
98
00:03:38,509 --> 00:03:40,345
Ugh. This is ridiculous. I hate Earth.
99
00:03:40,428 --> 00:03:41,429
It's a horrible home.
100
00:03:41,512 --> 00:03:43,097
People are stupid and confusing.
101
00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:45,266
Why is everyone so impressed
with Shakespeare?
102
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"Hark" and "forsooth."
Human theater sucks!
103
00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:49,020
Talk to me after you've watched
104
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Zorzacks blow the roof
off the Shlorpocenter
105
00:03:51,147 --> 00:03:53,107
with a closing monologue
of "All the Little Creebies."
106
00:03:53,191 --> 00:03:54,359
Now that's a play!
107
00:03:54,442 --> 00:03:57,695
[? dramatic music swells]
108
00:04:01,157 --> 00:04:03,159
Rewrote our opening
mock statement last night.
109
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:05,245
Jesse, the mock trial starts
in a few hours.
110
00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:06,996
Wanted to try a new mock approach.
111
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:10,166
Shit, this is good. Really good.
112
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,585
This is county high school
mock trial championships.
113
00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:14,128
We got to crush it.
114
00:04:14,212 --> 00:04:16,798
Let's go over the mock case
[grunts] one more time.
115
00:04:16,881 --> 00:04:19,634
Today, we're mock representing
the Dave Matthews Band.
116
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While our rivals, North Shore Charter,
117
00:04:21,719 --> 00:04:23,429
will be mock representing the passengers
118
00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:25,098
of the Chicago River Boat Tour.
119
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Mr. Matthews and bandmates are accused
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of dumping the contents
of their bus's septic tank
121
00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:31,104
through the Kinzie Street Bridge.
122
00:04:31,187 --> 00:04:33,189
Gallons of fetid pee and ploppers
123
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:34,691
rained down on these victims,
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00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:37,235
whose boat was traveling
in the river below.
125
00:04:37,318 --> 00:04:40,738
A veritable Kevin James amount
of jam band-grade human waste
126
00:04:40,822 --> 00:04:43,074
got in their eyes, mouths, and ears.
127
00:04:43,157 --> 00:04:46,077
There was no space between
for them to escape.
128
00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:48,079
The passengers are mock suing the band
129
00:04:48,162 --> 00:04:50,623
for extreme physical
and emotional distress,
130
00:04:50,707 --> 00:04:52,375
plus $10 for the boat tickets.
131
00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:56,087
This was a real court case
from 2004! Look it up!
132
00:04:56,462 --> 00:04:58,756
-What the hell was that?
-It's gonna be tough today.
133
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,883
North Shore has never lost a mock trial.
134
00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:03,011
I hear one of their moms is Ally McBeal.
135
00:05:03,094 --> 00:05:04,595
-Freakin' nepo babies.
-[knocking on door]
136
00:05:04,679 --> 00:05:06,180
[Principal Cooke]
Jesse, Yumyulack, open up!
137
00:05:06,848 --> 00:05:07,849
[both gasp]
138
00:05:08,558 --> 00:05:10,018
[Yumyulack] Principal Cooke?
What the hell?
139
00:05:10,101 --> 00:05:12,770
You've been getting such good grades.
I thought we were bros!
140
00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:13,896
We are bros.
141
00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:15,690
Then why do I look like this?
142
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-It wasn't us. We've been mock practicing.
-Tell us what happened.
143
00:05:18,568 --> 00:05:20,361
I was at Lids at the mall
144
00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:22,780
buying a Miami Hurricanes flat brim.
145
00:05:22,864 --> 00:05:24,240
You went to University of Miami?
146
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:26,242
I wish! The hat's aspirational.
147
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,411
That doesn't matter.
I saw the pupa, dapped him up,
148
00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:31,664
and a few seconds later,
I looked like this.
149
00:05:31,748 --> 00:05:34,292
Pupa clearly did something
during that dap.
150
00:05:34,375 --> 00:05:36,878
You got to help me.
I don't have my balls anymore.
151
00:05:36,961 --> 00:05:40,298
Principal Cooke is not himself
without his big, hairy balls.
152
00:05:41,132 --> 00:05:43,217
What do you want for dinner?
Mango and blue cheese Wetzel's?
153
00:05:43,301 --> 00:05:45,595
-I don't want to hear it!
-But that's your favorite mall snack.
154
00:05:45,678 --> 00:05:46,679
What don't you want to hear?
155
00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:48,306
I don't like how all those other couples
156
00:05:48,389 --> 00:05:49,724
had meet cute stories.
157
00:05:49,807 --> 00:05:51,684
-Ours sucks.
-But it was numerical.
158
00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:53,853
I just wish the way
we met had more romance,
159
00:05:53,936 --> 00:05:56,731
like Cassandra and Grimoire
in Realm of Satin and Swords.
160
00:05:56,814 --> 00:05:57,982
Well, I want our lives to be more
161
00:05:58,066 --> 00:06:00,777
about solving science crimes
like in Douglas Preston books,
162
00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:02,528
but nobody ever drops us into a case.
163
00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:04,030
Our life is a science crime!
164
00:06:04,113 --> 00:06:06,115
Why don't you go shop
at that romantasy store
165
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:08,534
while I grab your second-favorite
mall snack?
166
00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:10,828
A chicken parm sundae
from Cold Stone Creamery?
167
00:06:10,912 --> 00:06:14,707
And gravy affogato just
the way you like it, my king.
168
00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:16,000
[kisses]
169
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:19,337
So Principal Cooke is a pupa now?
170
00:06:19,420 --> 00:06:22,423
[AISHA] He's just pupa-shaped.
He doesn't have any pupa powers.
171
00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:25,635
He can't terraform
or predict the final score of an NHL game.
172
00:06:25,718 --> 00:06:28,763
But why? He's never
reshaped anyone before.
173
00:06:28,846 --> 00:06:31,182
Answer the question!
Why aren't you answering the question?
174
00:06:31,265 --> 00:06:32,642
[AISHA] Jesus, dude, chill.
175
00:06:32,725 --> 00:06:36,229
You guys have been giving pupa
his flea and tick medication, right?
176
00:06:36,312 --> 00:06:37,814
Uh, yeah, of course, we have.
177
00:06:37,897 --> 00:06:39,357
Something so important, duh,
178
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we would never neglect it.
179
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-[AISHA] Jesse?
-We didn't.
180
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:45,780
We were so busy with the trial,
we totally neglected the little guy.
181
00:06:45,863 --> 00:06:48,825
Plus he bites and squirms
and shakes those flea chemicals on us.
182
00:06:48,908 --> 00:06:51,869
You can't just instantly squeal,
Lisa Simpson.
183
00:06:51,953 --> 00:06:54,205
It's just fleas. How bad could it be?
184
00:06:54,288 --> 00:06:56,374
[AISHA] The little freaks
are sucking up his goo,
185
00:06:56,457 --> 00:06:59,419
which they transfer to other people
when they bite them, too.
186
00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:01,546
The goo is what's
turning them pupa-shaped.
187
00:07:01,629 --> 00:07:04,799
Holy Skyler Gisondo, how do we fix this?
188
00:07:04,882 --> 00:07:06,467
[AISHA] You're gonna have to find pupa.
189
00:07:06,551 --> 00:07:09,137
We can use his juice to nullify
the effects of the goo
190
00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:10,930
and get Principal Cooke back to normal.
191
00:07:11,013 --> 00:07:13,558
AISHA, sometimes it feels like
you're just making stuff up.
192
00:07:13,641 --> 00:07:14,976
[AISHA] Well, sometimes it feels like
193
00:07:15,059 --> 00:07:17,395
you don't know shit about being
a goddamn alien!
194
00:07:17,478 --> 00:07:18,563
We got to solve this quick.
195
00:07:18,646 --> 00:07:21,232
The mock trial is starting soon,
and I'm playing Dave Matthews.
196
00:07:21,315 --> 00:07:23,943
I was going to harmonica solo
while getting cross-examined!
197
00:07:24,026 --> 00:07:26,320
Oh, no, the pupa could be anywhere.
198
00:07:26,404 --> 00:07:28,865
Pupa's a master at disappearing
without a trace.
199
00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:31,284
We won't find him
unless he wants to be found.
200
00:07:31,367 --> 00:07:33,202
What about the glowing slime trail?
201
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:34,412
[Jesse] Huh? I don't see that.
202
00:07:34,495 --> 00:07:36,831
[AISHA] His eyes are pupa-shaped.
He can see stuff we can't.
203
00:07:36,914 --> 00:07:39,834
Whatever. His pupils look
just as squiggly as ours.
204
00:07:39,917 --> 00:07:41,919
Now the pupa leaves a slime trail?
205
00:07:42,003 --> 00:07:44,464
[AISHA] Stop trying to poke holes.
Get out of here, you fake aliens!
206
00:07:44,547 --> 00:07:46,841
You're not even an alien.
You're a stupid app.
207
00:07:46,924 --> 00:07:48,217
-[laser zaps]
-[Yumyulack yelps]
208
00:07:51,512 --> 00:07:53,222
Terry, welcome back.
209
00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:56,100
Or as the Fae say, "Parf dedoco gumquist."
210
00:07:56,184 --> 00:07:58,769
And a "bee bee woo woo"
to you, my good sir.
211
00:07:58,853 --> 00:08:00,938
Just got in the new Stanley Cup collab
212
00:08:01,022 --> 00:08:03,191
with Realm of Satin and Swords.
213
00:08:03,274 --> 00:08:05,526
Whoa! You've got the Crest of Stakatz?
214
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:08,321
And the straw is the Reed of Truth!
215
00:08:08,404 --> 00:08:11,115
Badass! I'll take six. [sighs]
216
00:08:11,616 --> 00:08:13,868
Terry, whatever's wrong
isn't going to be fixed
217
00:08:13,951 --> 00:08:15,578
by buying half a dozen insulated tumblers.
218
00:08:15,661 --> 00:08:17,205
Well, I'm obsessing about
219
00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:19,999
how the way me and Korvo met
wasn't cute at all.
220
00:08:20,082 --> 00:08:21,375
It'll always be a stanky stain
221
00:08:21,459 --> 00:08:23,836
on our otherwise crisp,
lemon-fresh relationship.
222
00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:25,463
But I guess there's nothing I can do.
223
00:08:25,546 --> 00:08:28,090
Oh, but there is.
224
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:29,800
-[? pensive music playing]
-Whoa!
225
00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:32,803
The storage area! So the legends are true.
226
00:08:32,887 --> 00:08:36,432
This is where we keep our forbidden items.
227
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,684
Finally, some elf porn!
228
00:08:38,768 --> 00:08:40,228
No, that's right up front by the register.
229
00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:43,689
Here, we have powerful potions,
crystals, and charms.
230
00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:46,651
Back here, the magic is real.
231
00:08:46,734 --> 00:08:49,320
Wow! I never knew a store that shares
a wall with a Happy Socks
232
00:08:49,403 --> 00:08:50,613
could even have secrets.
233
00:08:50,696 --> 00:08:52,907
Terry, I understand your frustration
234
00:08:52,990 --> 00:08:54,617
with your meet not cute.
235
00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:56,285
[Terry] Ooh!
236
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:59,038
This enchanted lip balm
could be what you need.
237
00:08:59,121 --> 00:09:00,957
Apply, then kiss your beloved.
238
00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:03,417
It'll go right to
the romantic part of his brain
239
00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:06,921
and make him want
to meet you all over again.
240
00:09:07,004 --> 00:09:08,965
What, like time travel
or wiping his memories?
241
00:09:09,048 --> 00:09:10,716
-We do that too much.
-No,
242
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,468
it'll just make him do meet cutes
243
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,887
until you get the story you want.
244
00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:16,472
Using magic!
245
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:17,557
-Ooh!
-[dove thuds]
246
00:09:18,474 --> 00:09:21,894
Shut up! I have been wanting to dip
my toes into other genres.
247
00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:24,647
Any monkey's paw-type
bad catches to this thing?
248
00:09:24,730 --> 00:09:28,234
-Uh, let's say no.
-Good enough for me! [yelps]
249
00:09:32,446 --> 00:09:35,491
Hell yeah! Magic sparkles are how
you know it's the real shit.
250
00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:40,788
Hey, Korvy-Worvy. Whatcha doin'?
251
00:09:40,871 --> 00:09:44,041
Playing backgammon by mail
with a supposed Swiss genius,
252
00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:45,751
but I think this guy's faking his rolls.
253
00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:47,837
Oh, wow, interesting.
Hey, give me a smooch.
254
00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:49,589
[kisses]
255
00:09:49,672 --> 00:09:51,424
Do you feel any different?
256
00:09:51,507 --> 00:09:54,260
Nope. Still just mistrusting of the Swiss.
257
00:09:54,343 --> 00:09:55,428
I better double up just in case.
258
00:09:55,511 --> 00:09:57,805
[kissing]
259
00:09:59,849 --> 00:10:00,891
How about now?
260
00:10:00,975 --> 00:10:04,145
This hot cocoa whore claims
he rolled doubles twice in a row.
261
00:10:04,228 --> 00:10:05,896
-How is that possible?
-[Terry groans]
262
00:10:05,980 --> 00:10:08,482
[? dramatic music playing]
263
00:10:09,483 --> 00:10:10,985
-Anything?
-Yes!
264
00:10:11,068 --> 00:10:13,112
The perfect roll for my backgammon game.
265
00:10:13,195 --> 00:10:15,615
Ha, Maximilian!
You're in for a world of pain.
266
00:10:15,698 --> 00:10:18,576
Terry, you fool! I should
have never trusted mall magic.
267
00:10:20,745 --> 00:10:23,998
[sniffing] Hmm, up ahead. It's the pupa.
268
00:10:24,081 --> 00:10:26,959
Everyone be quiet.
I want him to hear this.
269
00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:30,212
Pupa, you're in a buttload
of trouble, mister!
270
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:31,714
-[? dramatic musical sting]
-[all gasp]
271
00:10:31,797 --> 00:10:32,965
That's not pupa!
272
00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:37,219
It's pupa-shaped EGOT winner
and TV host Jerry O'Connell!
273
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:38,554
Hey, wow. How's it going?
274
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:41,223
Call me J-O-C. That's what
my Sliders Slide-ohs call me.
275
00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:42,391
[coughs]
276
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:44,560
Oh, my God, Jerry O'Connell?
I'm such a fan.
277
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:46,479
I never missed an episode of The Talk.
278
00:10:46,562 --> 00:10:49,273
Jerry O, how did you get pupa-shaped
out here in the forest?
279
00:10:49,357 --> 00:10:50,441
I shouldn't be telling y'all this,
280
00:10:50,524 --> 00:10:52,026
but I'm supposed to be meeting
Wil Wheaton here
281
00:10:52,109 --> 00:10:54,820
to rehearse scenes
for Stand By Me 2: Still Standing.
282
00:10:54,904 --> 00:10:58,074
Wow, the rumors on the Rob Reiner Discord
are true for once!
283
00:10:58,157 --> 00:11:00,993
I found this weird little creature
hiding Skittles under a log.
284
00:11:01,077 --> 00:11:03,621
I gave him a belly rub and next thing
I knew, I looked like this!
285
00:11:03,704 --> 00:11:05,706
-He must have gotten bit by the flea!
-[phone vibrating]
286
00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:08,751
Shit, I got a text from Ms. Frankie.
287
00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:10,086
They started jury selection.
288
00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:11,379
Come on, JOC.
289
00:11:11,462 --> 00:11:13,506
We'll get you back
to your handsome, chiseled self.
290
00:11:13,589 --> 00:11:16,092
Take us to the pupa!
291
00:11:17,551 --> 00:11:21,180
Fuckin' stupid romantasy store
sellin' stupid fake magic.
292
00:11:21,263 --> 00:11:22,431
-Didn't even have elf porn.
-[car collides]
293
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,058
Ah! What the hell?
294
00:11:24,141 --> 00:11:26,602
You picked the wrong day
to rear end me, you piece of...
295
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:29,146
[? bright folk pop music playing]
296
00:11:30,106 --> 00:11:31,190
Korvo?
297
00:11:31,273 --> 00:11:32,566
Sorry. All my fault.
298
00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:34,318
I caught sight of you in your side mirror,
299
00:11:34,402 --> 00:11:35,653
and it distracted me.
300
00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:38,114
Why are you being so cute?
301
00:11:38,197 --> 00:11:40,032
[gasps] Oh, my God!
302
00:11:40,116 --> 00:11:41,617
It's happening. The lip balm worked.
303
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,244
Gosh, how nice to meet you.
304
00:11:43,327 --> 00:11:45,454
What? We're not meeting
if we're already married.
305
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:46,872
-This makes no sense.
-You know what?
306
00:11:46,956 --> 00:11:48,541
Let me apologize by taking you out
307
00:11:48,624 --> 00:11:50,459
for a lunch of fresh-caught salmon.
308
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:53,254
But I'm gonna roll with it.
Reel me in, captain!
309
00:11:53,838 --> 00:11:57,258
To moving violations,
and meeting your soulmate.
310
00:11:57,967 --> 00:12:00,302
This is officially the cutest way
to meet for lunch.
311
00:12:00,386 --> 00:12:02,054
Screw that couple who met on the plane
312
00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:04,932
and double screw that couple
who met in the Cabela's.
313
00:12:05,015 --> 00:12:06,934
-[fork clatters]
-[Terry grunts]
314
00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:09,186
Huh? Must have gone to wipe his pits.
315
00:12:09,645 --> 00:12:10,688
[Terry choking]
316
00:12:11,105 --> 00:12:13,149
Oh! Uh, we need a doctor!
317
00:12:13,232 --> 00:12:15,443
[Korvo grunting]
318
00:12:15,609 --> 00:12:16,610
Oh!
319
00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:19,822
Ah! Oh, man,
thanks for saving my life. [gasps]
320
00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:21,115
-[? bright folk pop music playing]
-Hi, Terry.
321
00:12:21,198 --> 00:12:23,159
I'm Korvo. Nice to meet you.
322
00:12:23,242 --> 00:12:27,288
[laughs] Is this a bonus meet cute?
How lucky am I?
323
00:12:27,371 --> 00:12:29,123
How about I take you out for boba tea
324
00:12:29,206 --> 00:12:30,958
to thank you for being so sexy?
325
00:12:31,041 --> 00:12:32,042
Compared to the fender bender,
326
00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:33,878
this feels kinda lateral
in terms of cuteness,
327
00:12:33,961 --> 00:12:35,504
but I'll take it!
328
00:12:36,630 --> 00:12:39,258
[pupas sniffing]
329
00:12:39,341 --> 00:12:40,676
[both barking]
330
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:44,305
There he is!
Oh, shit, the 5-O's got him. Be cool.
331
00:12:44,388 --> 00:12:45,639
Officer, what's going on?
332
00:12:45,723 --> 00:12:47,683
Just caught these two scalping tickets
333
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:50,060
to the 3 Body Problem On Ice.
334
00:12:50,144 --> 00:12:51,145
Yeah, you gotta let them go.
335
00:12:51,228 --> 00:12:53,689
We need this one's juice
so we can mock trial.
336
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:56,442
Nice try. I've fallen
for that excuse too many...
337
00:12:56,525 --> 00:12:58,152
[screams]
338
00:12:58,235 --> 00:12:59,570
Hey, what the hell?
339
00:12:59,653 --> 00:13:01,113
You got bit by the fleas.
340
00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:03,282
Oh, no, I think they're on us too.
341
00:13:03,365 --> 00:13:05,242
[both scream]
342
00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:07,870
Shit, shit, shit. Grab the pupa, quick!
343
00:13:07,953 --> 00:13:09,038
[tires screech]
344
00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:12,249
Oh, my God. That car was
two days from retirement.
345
00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:14,919
[dogs panting]
346
00:13:15,002 --> 00:13:17,296
What the fuck? Stupid dogs! [yelps]
347
00:13:17,379 --> 00:13:18,380
-[? bright folk pop music playing]
-I'm so sorry.
348
00:13:18,464 --> 00:13:21,175
My pugs, they just love
the smell of a hot alien.
349
00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:25,304
-Ow! [yelping]
-[dogs growling]
350
00:13:26,722 --> 00:13:27,723
Ah!
351
00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:30,392
I'm sorry. Our ultimate game got wild.
352
00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:32,520
Can I take you home for white wine?
353
00:13:32,603 --> 00:13:33,979
Hah. That one actually kinda hurt.
354
00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:38,275
Hello? K-Kor-Korvo?
355
00:13:38,359 --> 00:13:41,153
Don't meet cute me, okay?
I-I just want a break.
356
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:45,282
-Ah!
-Oh, no, all my hot coffee!
357
00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:46,367
-[skin sizzling]
-You come here often?
358
00:13:46,450 --> 00:13:47,493
[Terry screaming]
359
00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:50,037
These meet cutes are getting violent. Ah!
360
00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:51,705
Everyone get on the ground!
361
00:13:51,789 --> 00:13:54,542
Sorry, I thought there was
a hostage situation in here,
362
00:13:54,625 --> 00:13:56,710
but the only captive is my heart.
363
00:13:56,794 --> 00:13:59,463
I'm done with this stupid mall magic! Ah!
364
00:14:01,048 --> 00:14:02,550
I don't care that I don't have a receipt.
365
00:14:02,633 --> 00:14:04,677
I'm returning this lip balm,
and you're giving me store credit.
366
00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:06,220
-What the hell?
-You're too late.
367
00:14:07,513 --> 00:14:09,390
The fairies folded up shop.
368
00:14:09,765 --> 00:14:11,767
Wait, did you say fairies?
369
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:13,519
Well, technically they're the Fae,
370
00:14:13,602 --> 00:14:15,563
the magical creatures who ran this store,
371
00:14:15,646 --> 00:14:17,898
and I've been huntin' them for 20 years.
372
00:14:17,982 --> 00:14:19,775
The name's Val Helsing.
373
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:21,485
-What's Val short for?
-Valgina!
374
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:23,946
Uh-huh. W-w-well, the Fae can't be real.
375
00:14:24,029 --> 00:14:25,114
They're just made up for the books.
376
00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:26,574
Yeah, that's what I used to think.
377
00:14:26,657 --> 00:14:29,201
My husband was always bad at giving gifts.
378
00:14:29,285 --> 00:14:31,370
I got a handwritten ticket to Pound Town
379
00:14:31,453 --> 00:14:32,788
three birthdays in a row.
380
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:34,707
So I bought a magic mouthwash
381
00:14:34,790 --> 00:14:37,459
from the Armor & Amour store in Tucson.
382
00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:39,044
-Well, did it work?
-Too well!
383
00:14:39,128 --> 00:14:40,754
He never stopped gifting
384
00:14:40,838 --> 00:14:42,965
until he literally gave me his heart.
385
00:14:43,048 --> 00:14:45,968
Ripped it right out of his chest
Temple of Doom style
386
00:14:46,051 --> 00:14:48,053
and just died right at my feet.
387
00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:49,179
Was he holding the heart?
388
00:14:49,263 --> 00:14:50,723
I'm just trying to envision
how that worked.
389
00:14:50,806 --> 00:14:51,932
It was in a nice box.
390
00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:53,726
Since then, I've dedicated my life
391
00:14:53,809 --> 00:14:55,352
to getting revenge on the Fae.
392
00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:58,689
I have even found
the ultimate antidote to romance.
393
00:14:58,772 --> 00:14:59,899
Clipped toenails,
394
00:14:59,982 --> 00:15:02,860
the grossest real-life side
of a relationship.
395
00:15:02,943 --> 00:15:04,320
So how do we find these guys?
396
00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:07,114
If Korvo keeps going, he can
meet cute him himself to death!
397
00:15:07,197 --> 00:15:10,409
This way. The Fae always have
a secret grotto nearby.
398
00:15:15,164 --> 00:15:16,832
[both yelping]
399
00:15:18,375 --> 00:15:21,587
Whoa! Who knew there was
a whole grotto under the mall?
400
00:15:21,670 --> 00:15:23,756
Yeah, the Fae carve 'em out with magic.
401
00:15:23,839 --> 00:15:24,924
I'm glad you're with me.
402
00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:26,926
Together, maybe we can win this war.
403
00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:29,053
Yeah, dawg. It's just like
when Zolo and Pioter
404
00:15:29,136 --> 00:15:31,889
teamed up in Realm of Satin and Swords:
Book Four, The Lace Lacener.
405
00:15:31,972 --> 00:15:33,432
[scoffs] You got that right.
406
00:15:33,515 --> 00:15:36,352
-Aw, shit. They found us.
-Who did? That little ball?
407
00:15:36,518 --> 00:15:38,103
That wasn't a ball. It was a...
408
00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:39,438
[Val choking]
409
00:15:39,521 --> 00:15:41,440
Oh, my God! Ow.
410
00:15:41,523 --> 00:15:43,651
[? dramatic music playing]
411
00:15:46,987 --> 00:15:48,948
Well, it sucks that
we're shaped like pupas,
412
00:15:49,031 --> 00:15:51,492
but these blueberry coconut puffs
are pretty great.
413
00:15:51,575 --> 00:15:52,910
This is all our fault.
414
00:15:52,993 --> 00:15:54,870
We should have given pupa his flea meds.
415
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:57,414
I was looking forward
to wailing on my harmonica
416
00:15:57,498 --> 00:15:59,792
during the mock trial,
but we can't go like this.
417
00:15:59,875 --> 00:16:02,920
Hey, when Kangaroo Jack stole my 50 grand,
418
00:16:03,003 --> 00:16:04,088
do you think I gave up?
419
00:16:04,171 --> 00:16:05,297
Wasn't that a movie?
420
00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:08,509
No! It was based on real events,
and I didn't give up.
421
00:16:08,592 --> 00:16:11,053
Me and Anthony Anderson chased Jack
all over the Outback
422
00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:14,056
until we got our money,
and then we ate him!
423
00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:15,933
Is that how the movie ends?
424
00:16:16,016 --> 00:16:17,851
Oh, come on.
You didn't see it in theaters?
425
00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:19,603
You can't watch KJ on your phone.
426
00:16:19,687 --> 00:16:20,980
It doesn't have the same impact.
427
00:16:21,063 --> 00:16:22,064
JOC is right.
428
00:16:22,147 --> 00:16:25,651
And even shaped like a pupa,
his rizz is off the charts.
429
00:16:25,734 --> 00:16:28,278
We can't give up. "Pupas" on three.
430
00:16:28,362 --> 00:16:29,822
[all] One, two...
431
00:16:29,905 --> 00:16:32,741
-Pupas!
-Goddammit, cop. I said on three!
432
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:34,284
Ah, what?
433
00:16:34,368 --> 00:16:36,245
What the fairy hell?
434
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:39,456
Lance? I thought you were just
a simple bookstore clerk.
435
00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:41,834
Everyone who works at Armor & Amour
436
00:16:41,917 --> 00:16:44,837
is secretly a Fae with great abs.
437
00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:47,423
It seems you've uncovered the truth.
438
00:16:47,506 --> 00:16:49,842
Val Helsing gave me the deets
before you cut off her head,
439
00:16:49,925 --> 00:16:51,510
you tiny yoked son of a bitch.
440
00:16:51,593 --> 00:16:53,846
But she didn't tell you why.
441
00:16:53,929 --> 00:16:56,140
We actually only knew each other
for, like, three minutes.
442
00:16:56,223 --> 00:16:59,226
But we had fuckin' vibes, man.
And she's dead.
443
00:16:59,309 --> 00:17:02,479
In olden times,
humans believed in fairy tales.
444
00:17:02,563 --> 00:17:05,858
We Fae gain our power from human belief.
445
00:17:05,941 --> 00:17:08,610
With the rise of technology and Apple Pay,
446
00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:10,237
people stopped believing in magic
447
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:12,072
and our existence was threatened.
448
00:17:12,156 --> 00:17:14,616
Damn you, progress.
449
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:16,660
To save ourselves,
450
00:17:16,744 --> 00:17:19,329
we created the romantasy genre.
451
00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:21,040
Our type of fantasy
452
00:17:21,123 --> 00:17:24,043
heavily mixed with nasty bedroom fantasy.
453
00:17:24,418 --> 00:17:28,547
Through the combined lust
of BookTok sluts and horny moms,
454
00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:31,467
we are powerful once again!
455
00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:34,094
-Thank God, a happy ending!
-I'm not done.
456
00:17:34,178 --> 00:17:36,764
You know what? I'll just stop reacting
until the end of the exposition.
457
00:17:36,847 --> 00:17:37,848
Go, go, go. Tell your story.
458
00:17:37,931 --> 00:17:40,100
We can feel the fad wearing thin.
459
00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:43,145
And with the release
of Dragon Age: The Veil Guard,
460
00:17:43,228 --> 00:17:46,523
we'll lose our readers
to smutty fan fiction.
461
00:17:46,607 --> 00:17:48,942
Ooh, I'm saving that one
for my next long horse ride.
462
00:17:49,026 --> 00:17:52,321
But now, we have something more powerful.
463
00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:55,199
Science fiction romantasy.
464
00:17:55,282 --> 00:17:57,159
Sci-fi like me? I'm an alien.
465
00:17:57,242 --> 00:17:58,702
Yes, that is the point.
466
00:17:58,786 --> 00:18:00,954
The combination of our genre with yours
467
00:18:01,038 --> 00:18:04,583
will be more powerful
than you can ever possibly imagine!
468
00:18:04,666 --> 00:18:06,251
That's cool with me, man. Can I leave?
469
00:18:06,335 --> 00:18:08,128
No. You're staying here
470
00:18:08,212 --> 00:18:10,631
while we harness your romantic synergy.
471
00:18:10,714 --> 00:18:14,176
Joke's on you. I'm not going to do
anything sexy while you keep me here.
472
00:18:14,259 --> 00:18:16,970
You don't have to. He will.
473
00:18:17,054 --> 00:18:19,348
Oh, don't mind me. Just here to paint.
474
00:18:19,431 --> 00:18:21,391
Korvo, snap out of it. Don't meet cute...
475
00:18:21,475 --> 00:18:22,559
Oh!
476
00:18:22,643 --> 00:18:25,813
Sorry, I didn't see you there.
Wow, is this your place?
477
00:18:25,896 --> 00:18:28,190
-No!
-[Lance] It's working!
478
00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:31,026
[evil laughter]
479
00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:35,989
Since the team from
James Earl Jones Junior High isn't here,
480
00:18:36,073 --> 00:18:39,785
I have no choice but to mock find
the Dave Matthews Band guilty
481
00:18:39,868 --> 00:18:42,246
and sentence them
to mock death by lethal inject--
482
00:18:42,329 --> 00:18:44,331
-[door slams open]
-Wait! The mock defense is here
483
00:18:44,414 --> 00:18:46,375
and ready to mock defend our mock clients!
484
00:18:46,458 --> 00:18:48,919
Objection, Your Honor.
You can't allow them to present.
485
00:18:49,002 --> 00:18:50,629
They're slugs. They're just slugs.
486
00:18:50,712 --> 00:18:52,256
There is nothing in the rule book
487
00:18:52,339 --> 00:18:54,800
that says pupas can't mock practice law.
488
00:18:55,092 --> 00:18:58,262
Overruled. The lawyers may call
their first witness.
489
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:04,685
-Ah!
-Sorry, my gutter ball went a little wide.
490
00:19:04,768 --> 00:19:05,978
You want to get a root beer float?
491
00:19:06,061 --> 00:19:07,688
Korvo, there's a patch in my pocket.
492
00:19:07,771 --> 00:19:10,023
Grab it and sprinkle those
anti-romance nail clippings
493
00:19:10,107 --> 00:19:11,108
on these glowing strings.
494
00:19:11,191 --> 00:19:12,401
With pleasure.
495
00:19:12,484 --> 00:19:14,987
[? dramatic music playing]
496
00:19:15,654 --> 00:19:17,739
Thanks for the dirty-ass nails, Val!
497
00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:20,492
So can I take you out for some
unseasoned baked chicken sometime?
498
00:19:20,576 --> 00:19:22,119
Shut your meet cute ass up!
499
00:19:23,871 --> 00:19:24,997
I think we're home free.
500
00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:27,166
Oh, shit! [yowls]
501
00:19:27,249 --> 00:19:30,669
Get back in your chamber
and make more meet cutes!
502
00:19:30,752 --> 00:19:34,214
Never! I demand we settle this
by single combat!
503
00:19:34,298 --> 00:19:35,591
[Fae gasping, exclaiming]
504
00:19:35,674 --> 00:19:37,009
Who told you about that?
505
00:19:37,092 --> 00:19:38,927
It's in Realm of Satin and Swords:
Book Six,
506
00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:40,512
The Cauldron of Lust and Butter.
507
00:19:40,596 --> 00:19:42,514
Is that not my sacred right under Fae Law?
508
00:19:42,598 --> 00:19:44,266
Yes, but it's annoying.
509
00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:45,350
This is going to be great.
510
00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:47,144
One of these little golf balls
is going to have to fight me
511
00:19:47,227 --> 00:19:49,563
and my neck is a lot harder
to cut than a human's.
512
00:19:49,646 --> 00:19:53,483
I call forth our champion, Tinky Buttons!
513
00:19:58,739 --> 00:20:01,450
What the hell is this freak?
That's not fair.
514
00:20:01,533 --> 00:20:03,785
-[Lance] Let combat commence.
-[growls]
515
00:20:03,869 --> 00:20:06,038
[? dramatic music playing]
516
00:20:07,581 --> 00:20:09,833
[Terry grunting and yelping]
517
00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:10,918
Ow, ow, ow!
518
00:20:13,378 --> 00:20:14,922
[groaning]
519
00:20:15,005 --> 00:20:16,882
Sorry. Just doing some rock collecting.
520
00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:19,134
Hola, me llamo Korvo.
521
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:21,970
I wish I'd never used that magic lip balm
and tried to change the way we met.
522
00:20:22,054 --> 00:20:23,597
Let me make it up to you by taking you out
523
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:25,557
for duck roast, and then sex.
524
00:20:25,641 --> 00:20:27,351
I should have just been happy
with the real story
525
00:20:27,434 --> 00:20:29,603
of that computer on Shlorp
putting us together.
526
00:20:29,686 --> 00:20:32,022
I... I agree.
527
00:20:32,105 --> 00:20:35,192
That was always perfect
because our relationship is perfect.
528
00:20:36,401 --> 00:20:37,945
Bloody hell. Where are we?
529
00:20:38,028 --> 00:20:39,071
You're back to normal!
530
00:20:39,154 --> 00:20:40,280
All I had to do was realize
531
00:20:40,364 --> 00:20:42,199
the real way we met was dope as hell.
532
00:20:42,282 --> 00:20:44,117
Okay, lots to catch you up on.
533
00:20:44,201 --> 00:20:45,702
Where to start? Where to start? Uh...
534
00:20:45,786 --> 00:20:46,870
Oh, fuck!
535
00:20:46,954 --> 00:20:50,165
Ladies and gentlemen
and teen goths of the mock jury,
536
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:51,792
everybody makes mistakes.
537
00:20:51,875 --> 00:20:54,211
We've all tried to take the easy way out.
538
00:20:54,294 --> 00:20:56,672
[Jesse] Sometimes, that ends
with you dumping shit and piss
539
00:20:56,755 --> 00:20:59,258
out of your tour bus
and onto a bunch of tourists.
540
00:20:59,341 --> 00:21:01,969
Other times, you neglect
putting flea and tick medication
541
00:21:02,052 --> 00:21:03,887
on your cute mini supercomputer.
542
00:21:03,971 --> 00:21:06,098
But we all deserve a second chance.
543
00:21:06,181 --> 00:21:08,892
The space between right
and wrong is this big.
544
00:21:08,976 --> 00:21:11,853
And we're all just ants
marching toward truth
545
00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:14,773
and under the table
and dreaming of a better future
546
00:21:14,856 --> 00:21:16,566
every day.
547
00:21:16,650 --> 00:21:18,527
Uh, Your Honor, this is highly sus.
548
00:21:18,610 --> 00:21:21,029
The words of these slugs
are just too moving.
549
00:21:21,113 --> 00:21:24,908
I find the Dave Matthews Band
not mock guilty.
550
00:21:24,992 --> 00:21:26,910
[all cheer and applaud]
551
00:21:26,994 --> 00:21:30,038
[harmonica riff playing]
552
00:21:31,498 --> 00:21:34,501
Oh, Pupa, we're sorry
we let you get fleas.
553
00:21:34,584 --> 00:21:35,627
[both scream]
554
00:21:35,711 --> 00:21:38,797
Oh, crap. We still gotta reverse this.
555
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:40,465
[grunting]
556
00:21:40,549 --> 00:21:41,633
[Korvo grunting]
557
00:21:45,637 --> 00:21:49,349
Smash his head so he never tries
to escape again!
558
00:21:50,267 --> 00:21:51,893
Wait a hotdog summer!
559
00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:54,187
Maybe there's another solution.
Can I pitch something?
560
00:21:54,271 --> 00:21:55,397
I'm intrigued,
561
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:57,024
but just so you know,
I can't buy in the room.
562
00:21:57,107 --> 00:22:00,277
I have an idea for a romantasy
meets sci-fi book series.
563
00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:03,530
It follows an alien and a druid
who are blasted into space
564
00:22:03,613 --> 00:22:06,325
and land on a planet
where love has been outlawed.
565
00:22:06,408 --> 00:22:09,870
Mixing genres in book form
instead of torturing it out of you?
566
00:22:09,953 --> 00:22:11,955
I have, like, 10 sequels all mapped out.
567
00:22:12,039 --> 00:22:14,082
I can pump out new books
once or twice a year.
568
00:22:14,166 --> 00:22:15,834
What if you don't have any talent?
569
00:22:15,917 --> 00:22:18,628
That's never stopped anyone
from becoming a famous author.
570
00:22:21,089 --> 00:22:23,300
And there's the last
of your flea meds, Pupes.
571
00:22:23,383 --> 00:22:25,218
JOC, you're next.
Come get your pupa juice.
572
00:22:25,302 --> 00:22:28,347
Actually, we've been talking.
We like being pupa-shaped.
573
00:22:28,430 --> 00:22:29,765
-For realsies?
-Yeah.
574
00:22:29,848 --> 00:22:32,851
We feel happier, healthier,
less oppressed by human-shaped life.
575
00:22:32,934 --> 00:22:34,394
We want to stay this way.
576
00:22:34,478 --> 00:22:36,271
I don't know. You need somewhere to live
577
00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:38,106
and someone to look after you.
578
00:22:38,190 --> 00:22:40,067
I know just the guy.
579
00:22:41,526 --> 00:22:43,737
-What do you two want?
-Ex-Commander Zarck,
580
00:22:43,820 --> 00:22:46,490
we know you traveled around
and never found your purpose,
581
00:22:46,573 --> 00:22:49,159
but we thought of something
that could help.
582
00:22:49,242 --> 00:22:50,369
[? triumphant music playing]
583
00:22:50,452 --> 00:22:52,913
Oh! Oh, this is my dream come true!
584
00:22:52,996 --> 00:22:54,498
A house of pupas!
585
00:22:54,581 --> 00:22:56,625
Oh! Spin it off!
586
00:22:56,708 --> 00:22:57,709
[? bright piano music playing]
587
00:22:57,793 --> 00:23:00,253
? Pupa House, Pupa House ?
588
00:23:00,337 --> 00:23:02,547
? It's a house full of pupas ?
589
00:23:02,631 --> 00:23:05,384
? Houseful of pupas, houseful of pupas ?
590
00:23:05,467 --> 00:23:06,635
? The Pupa House ?
591
00:23:06,718 --> 00:23:08,637
[Terry]
House of Pupas! [laughs]
592
00:23:09,179 --> 00:23:11,181
[typewriter clacking]
593
00:23:12,057 --> 00:23:14,726
Just wanted to drop off
a little Cham of the Mile.
594
00:23:14,810 --> 00:23:16,520
Mwah. Hope the book's going well.
595
00:23:16,603 --> 00:23:18,146
Especially since you're
the only one in the family
596
00:23:18,230 --> 00:23:19,398
making us any money now.
597
00:23:19,481 --> 00:23:22,651
Oh, don't worry. It very much is.
598
00:23:22,734 --> 00:23:24,694
[narrating] Chapter 705.
599
00:23:24,778 --> 00:23:27,614
Captain Felch could feel
his juices rising,
600
00:23:27,697 --> 00:23:30,742
forced to share a cold log
with his hot enemy.
601
00:23:30,826 --> 00:23:32,702
Ugh, I can't believe that I,
602
00:23:32,786 --> 00:23:34,871
one of the best fighter pilots
in the galaxy,
603
00:23:34,955 --> 00:23:37,749
have crashed on this asteroid
with you, a druid.
604
00:23:37,833 --> 00:23:39,960
At least take off that helmet
and let me see your face,
605
00:23:40,043 --> 00:23:41,628
which I'm sure is butt ugly.
606
00:23:43,338 --> 00:23:45,674
Oh, wow. You're kind of a dime piece.
607
00:23:45,757 --> 00:23:46,800
-[creature growls]
-[both gasp]
608
00:23:46,883 --> 00:23:48,301
-What the hell was that?
-I don't know.
609
00:23:48,385 --> 00:23:50,095
But despite our mutual hatred
of each other,
610
00:23:50,178 --> 00:23:52,222
I can't help but want to suck face.
611
00:23:52,305 --> 00:23:54,516
[both moaning]
612
00:23:54,599 --> 00:23:56,268
Ew. Are those things jerking off?
613
00:23:56,351 --> 00:23:58,645
-That's part of the deal.
-Works for me.
614
00:24:00,689 --> 00:24:03,692
[? dramatic theme playing]
615
00:24:45,066 --> 00:24:46,568
[mimicking laser fire]
616
00:24:46,618 --> 00:24:51,168
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