Original subtitles

[? foreboding theme playing]

At the risk of sounding like a narc,

I love my federally mandated Real ID.

[Korvo] The hologram is spectacular.

This is some next-level identification.

It makes me miss the totalitarian days of the home world.

This is the best picture of me by a country mile,

the sexiest type of mile.

Terry's going to be so pissed he slept through our DMV appointment.

[scoffs] And he thought it would be boring.

They had a bloody pen with a chain.

-[door creaking] -[monkeys chattering, hooting]

What in the wide world of battle apes is happening in here?

We're poor and they're smashing all our stuff.

Terrance Von Solar Opposites!

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

I-I-I was watching Planet of the Apes 9: Back to Apesics,

and I got to thinking I should befriend the smarter apes now

so they spare me when they rise.

We're still all mingling, but I'm hoping

some meaningful friendships will start to form by the weekend.

They don't seem very smart, Terry.

Oh, my God. Did you just gather an assortment of apes

without checking their IQs?

Yeah, you got me. I half-assed it.

They don't want to be friends, or enslave humanity.

Okay, get 'em outta here!

You're the one who brought them!

I'm realizing it's way easier to acquire apes

than it is to get rid of them.

They lose half their value the second you drive them off the lot.

Ow! Hey!

Okay, I-I didn't want to resort to this, but I have a plan.

Shoo, apes, shoo! Shoo, I say!

-Scram! Begone! -That's your plan?

I'm doing some top-shelf shoo-shooing.

Jesus, you got a better idea?

[poop splatters]

Well, if you give 'em fidget spinners, of course they'll calm down.

It's called cheating. Hello?

I don't want to hear it. You're lucky today is exotic animal pickup day.

-[lift whirring] -[monkeys screeching]

[elephants trumpeting, animals chittering]

[trash collector] This is a real waste of apes!

You people disgust me!

Well, I tell you what. I learned a valuable lesson today.

Oh, yeah. What?

Oh, uh, okay. Oh, hold on. Hold on. I got this.

Oh, oh. Next time I free an ape, make sure it's the Caesar ape.

No apes at all!

Caesar was just a character in a movie,

and movies aren't real.

March of the Penguins wasn't real? [sobbing]

-[door opens] -[Terry] No!

Nobody tell him that one was real.

[Korvo] Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia,

until the asteroid hit.

One hundred adults and their replicants were issued a Pupa,

and escaped into space,

searching for new homes on uninhabited worlds.

We crashed on Earth,

stranding us on an already overpopulated planet.

That's right, I've been talking this whole time.

I'm the one holding the Pupa.

My name is Korvo. This is my show.

Bollocks, I just dropped the Pupa.

Ugh. This is ridiculous. I hate Earth.

It's a horrible home.

People are stupid and confusing.

How come humans only do C-sections for babies?

Why not for large poops? Live a little.

[? dramatic music swells]

[? tense music playing]

[Ringo panting]

[Pezlie crying]

[? tense music continues]

Oh! Please, don't hurt us.

[cackling] That's right. Cower before The Duke!

Ah! [huffing]

Stupid subconscious metaphor dreams.

That's so on the nose.

Come on. Take some creative risks.

[gulping] Ah.

[group chattering]

We can't climb that laundry pile.

It's like a mountain of stained underwear and bounty hunter pants.

The laundry's the least of our problems.

We'll launch from above and glide over it.

What I'm worried about is what we can't see.

It's just a kid's bedroom. How dangerous could it be?

It's an alien's room, and at our scale, it's like crossing the Sahara,

but instead of sand, it's got Yumyulack's traps.

That big blue bastard's using the Shrink Ray as bait.

He's set up all sorts of freaky little Kevin McCallister traps for us.

It doesn't matter. We have to get to that Shrink Ray.

Project Ariana must and will succeed.

Project Ariana?

Because it's how we're going to get grande again.

Polling shows 95% of The Wall is behind the mission.

It's the most united we've ever been.

Every level chipped in resources

so we could build the Ariana One,

a room-phibious craft,

specifically designed to get us to the Shrink Ray.

By the grace of Jesse,

we will have our revenge on Yumyulack.

-[all applauding] -[? heartfelt music playing]

-What about the other 5%? -The what?

You said 95% of The Wall's behind you,

but what about the other five

that want to see Project Ariana go up in flames,

like her relationship with Pete Davidson?

There is a conservative minority

that believes we should stay small

and avoid antagonizing Yumyulack.

Led by The Falcon, a fan of yours.

Of who I used to be.

That 5% are just haters.

We need to focus on recruiting a team

to operate the Ariana One.

For a suicide mission.

A mission that will set us free.

[Terry] Stop! I don't want to be scanned.

I only ate marshmallow Peeps for breakfast.

All you're gonna see is farts.

[AISHA] Why y'all draggin' Terry on to this ship

kicking and screaming like he's written and directed by Noah Baumbach?

He filled the house with apes, yet showed no remorse.

It was too dumb. Something's off in Terry's brain.

We think he slammed his head in the freezer door for a Reels

and damaged the cauliflower he has instead of a brain.

Counterpoint, I'm just built different.

You're constantly digging in my coat pockets

lookin' for coins when you could just ask me!

You prank called me today while we were on the couch together.

Come on! You thought it was Obama. [chuckling]

[AISHA] Mm-hmm. This all sounds normal for someone with no maturity points.

What are you talking about, maturity points?

[AISHA] Every Shlorpian gets a different mix

of personality upgrades at the start of the mission.

They gas up space exploration abilities like bravery, intelligence,

leadership, and, uh, huh, maturity.

See? Terry was out of his seat

when his maturity points were being updated.

Look, you three all got some maturity right there.

-[monitor beeping] -Terry, you're a zero.

Hell, yes, dawg. What do I win?

My God, Terry. No wonder you are the way you are.

I'm sorry for how I've yelled at you.

There's nothing wrong with me.

He doesn't have the maturity to understand this,

and that's okay.

Given the diagnosis, you've actually achieved a lot.

I've achieved nothing, thank you very much. [grunts]

And don't you dare look at me with any sympathy!

Look alive. You are now the flight crew of the Ariana One.

This is a mission with unknown obstacles.

As such, you were each selected for your different skill sets.

[Cherie] We got the athletes, the demolition guy,

the navigator, and the tactical,

but we still gotta find a pilot.

We need someone who can sail a boat, fly a plane,

and expertly drive a tank.

I know just the guy.

[both] Captain Greg!

-[? energetic music playing] -[people laughing]

Ooh, I love your hat, Captain Greg.

[chuckling] Well, well, it's rare

to see our fearless leaders at this low of an altitude.

-The Wall-- -Needs me?

Yeah, I figured. I just got one question.

Do I have time to get off before I take off?

-[fans giggling] -[Captain Greg moaning]

Gotta be honest. I'm not loving Captain Greg's vibe.

Who cares, as long as he gets the job done?

-[Captain Greg spits] -Oh, my God,

-he just spit on her lips. -No, no, no.

Oh, no. Don't tell me.

-[Captain Greg burps] -He just full burped in her mouth.

Ooh, she's into it.

-[Captain Greg] Nice. -[Nova gags]

If he can drive as well as he can suck face, we're good.

-Oh, now her hands are in his pants. -Come on.

We'll see you at the ship.

Ooh, drivezies! Where are we going?

Oh, uh, nowhere.

-Then why are you putting your shoes on? -[Korvo, Yumyulack, and Jesse groan]

We're going to see the French remake of Ace Ventura.

You're seeing Le D�tective Pour Chien et Chats without moi?

Yeah! You get way too hyper at the movies.

I don't even know what that word means.

I'll bet you $10 billion that you can't name

a single time I was hyper, hyper, hyper!

Okay, well, at Meg 4: Meggy Christmas,

you wandered around the theater on a speaker phone call,

then smacked your face on the cup holder,

and then cried until an usher kicked us out.

But we forgive you 'cause now we know you got zero maturity.

This is not becoming a thing.

We just want to avoid putting you in situations

we know you can't handle.

You get that, don't ya, champ?

Yeah, totally. I get it.

Hey, um, hang here for a sec. I'll B-R back.

[sobbing]

AISHA, I want dem maturity points, and I want dem now!

[AISHA] That's not how it works.

Ah, gimme maturity.

I want to watch a movie without making it about me.

-[buttons beeping] -[AISHA] Ah! Don't touch that.

-Which button is it? -[slams hands]

-[display beeping] -[alarm blaring]

-Huh. Is that a good red light? -[AISHA] No!

-[antenna whooshing] -[rays pulsing]

[Korvo, Yumyulack, and Jesse groan]

-[display beeping] -[AISHA] You just zeroed out

everybody else's maturity points.

-Maybe we won't even notice. -[Yumyulack] There he is!

Terry, let's hang out!

We bailed on the movie!

I can't sit in a chair for over an hour.

Ooh, ooh, ooh. Let's chug a Jake Paul soda and jump off the roof.

Really? Alright.

I could get used to this.

And you thought it would be bad.

-Yeah! -[all laughing]

[AISHA] Having fun is bad. Man, what do I care?

When did I become such a cop?

[grunting] H-hang on, this is gonna be rough.

Watch the downdraft from the ceiling fan.

What the fuck is downdraft?

-[crew screaming] -[door clattering]

-[Captain Greg screaming] -[ship crashing]

[slow clapping]

Simulation's over. Congratulations!

You're all fuckin' dead.

This guy can't just make up words like downdraft

and expect me to know what to do.

What? Even I know downdraft's a thing.

What kind of pilot are you?

Look, I'm not a real pilot. Okay?

I was on my way to a Halloween party

dressed as Pete Mitchell when Yumyulack threw an egg at me.

I caught it, threw it back, pegged him right in the face.

-So he shrunk me down. -Who's Pete Mitchell?

Tom Cruise in Top Gun.

You gotta be kidding me. So you've never flown anything?

People just assumed I was a sky jockey,

so I played into it because it helped me get so much pussy.

-Get him outta here. -Let's go.

[Captain Greg crying out]

This whole mission falls apart without a pilot.

Time is running out, and I am hungry,

so we should definitely get a snack.

That last part isn't part of the high stakes,

but that doesn't mean it isn't true.

[sighs] I know where to find a pilot.

Are you going to tell me who it is,

or is it a secret until the third act?

[door creaking]

-Um, guys? -[Korvo, Jesse, and Yumyulack gasp]

I think I made a bit of a fashion mistake.

Is that the Jamiroquai hat from the band Jamiroquai?

It was the most expensive hat at Universal City Walk.

I know, I know. You probably think it's stupid.

[Jesse and Yumyulack cheering]

Oh, that looks sick, Terry.

-Jamiroquai! -Wait, for rizzle?

I was worried you guys would hate it.

No way! I'm jealous.

Wow. I've never been more happy.

Finally, my family is just as immature as me.

Wanna watch Pimp My Ride and eat burnt popcorn with us?

I would be honored, sir.

Your friend said you had a bubbly personality.

So now bubbles come out your exhaust pipe.

Oh, I love when the pimpings get conceptual like this.

This is one of his best pimps yet.

I'm callin' it. Xzibit is the greatest pimper of all time.

But it shouldn't just be ride. He should pimp everything.

-Oh, my God, yes! -That's galaxy brain, dawg.

Terry, you just pimped the very concept of Pimp My Ride.

Xzibit would be really proud.

I know I am.

[all giggling]

[Ringo groaning]

[Nova screams]

Oh, it's you.

We have terrible news.

Toronto got an NFL team?

Cherie went to find a pilot,

but we think the Falcon kidnapped her.

Goddammit! This is all my fault.

I never should have left her side.

They left a note.

"Send The Duke.

He's the only one who'll know where to go"?

So, where is she?

I don't know. I told you.

I don't even remember being the fucking Duke.

-[blow smacks] -[Ringo groans]

You better start remembering. Cherie's life depends on it.

Stop running away from your past.

Easy for you to say, but you don't have my past. Good day.

But it's nighttime.

I said good day!

Hey, guys, I got some cool news.

I was down at the docks throwing champagne bottles at ships

when I got chased and peeked inside a dock

where I saw an Aerosmith Revolution X arcade game

being shipped to Xzibit!

-[Korvo, Yumyulack, and Jesse gasp] -Does this mean what I think it means?

I mean, what else could it mean?

I want it to mean that the arcade game is going

to Xzibit's house.

-Is that what it means? -You bet your ass it is.

And if that box is going, then we can, too.

Bro, that sounds sus.

It's not sus, bro. It's lit.

We hide inside the cabinet, get delivered

to Xzibit's house, and become best friends with him.

And then we could tell him about our ideas for all the different things to pimp.

We have to do this right now.

It feels so good to not have to argue with you guys about my ideas.

??

This is the one. Everyone got their shirts?

Yeah, boy-y-y!

Almost done with my...

Ow, God! This iron gets hot!

Did you guys see that?

Remember, for the big reveal, pop out so our shirts are pimp side first,

then we flip around for ride.

After that, Xzibit will probably want to say something

like a little speech, and then we'll party it up!

Zib's gonna love this!

-Stay quiet or we'll ruin the surprise. -[horn toots]

Ooh, ooh, ooh. I'm gonna grab some spicy fruit for the trip.

-Ooh, get me melon! -[door thuds]

[Terry] Excuse me, mamacita. Do you have durian?

[hammers thudding]

[lift whirring]

This was the last exhibit.

All that evidence is ready to be shipped off

to The Hague for that war crimes trial.

What does an Aerosmith arcade machine have

to do with violating humanitarian laws?

Some sick fuck general shot up an entire town with CDs.

He got the idea from Rev X.

His name's all over the high score.

Oh, no!

[AISHA] They're stuck in some arcade game at the docks right now?

You full of shit.

We were just trying to sneak into Xzibit's house.

[AISHA] What the fuck?

I feel like I've missed a whole section of this story.

Why didn't you tell the dock workers?

They were adults with clipboards.

I was scared they'd be mad.

[AISHA] Terry, you don't have the maturity

to navigate the password application process.

You gotta get them out of the arcade before it goes to The Hague.

The Hague isn't in town?

I thought it was that Greek restaurant by the pet cemetery.

[AISHA] It's a town in the Netherlands!

My family's going to be stuck in the Nether,

and it's all my fault.

[AISHA] [sighs] I don't like it, but there is a way

to give you a boost of maturity to deal with this.

Yes, a thousand times yes. Mummy needs a shortcut.

[AISHA] But take it slow.

Your synaptic dendrobs aren't used to having any maturity at all.

If you use too much, your system will overload

and you could explode, you simple bitch.

Cool, whatever. Deal with that later. Gimme!

[beeping]

[thrumming]

[synapses zapping]

[AISHA] That was one maturity point.

-You feel okay? -I do.

Just give me a second to organize my thoughts.

[AISHA] That sounds responsible to me.

Hmm. The dock office opens at 8:00 a.m. tomorrow.

I'll set an alarm and go to bed on time.

[AISHA] Now that's some forethought.

-[alarm beeping] -[Terry] I'll set the alarm for 6:00 a.m.

because the maps app says it's a 52-minute commute.

That'll give me time to shower,

put on an appropriate outfit,

and eat a sensible breakfast.

I'm thinking oatmeal, high fiber. I'll skip the OJ.

I should probably pack a lunch in case I'm there a while.

Where are my car keys? Oh, no.

I've reached the limits of my maturity.

-[head thudding] -[gasps]

[AISHA] If you use too much,

you could explode, you simple bitch.

I have no choice.

-[? dramatic music playing] -[beeping]

[synapses zapping]

Ah, well, there's not a lot of places I put my keys.

Better retrace my steps.

I had them when I got the creamer.

-Ah, there they are, in the fridge. -[keys jingling]

Time to drive the speed limit, obey all traffic laws,

not get distracted by fast food, and save my family.

[gasps] The McBrisket's back!

-[engine roaring] -[tires squealing]

I'm supposed to know where to find Cherie? How?

I can't even remember my own past. Oh, no.

Ugly son of a bitch. Ah!

I'm doing this for the good of The Wall.

[Cherie] The bastard is flooding the lower level!

[liquid gurgling]

[screaming]

Bastard! What did you do?

AISHA, there's some guy guarding the lot.

I can't drive and interact with an authority figure.

[AISHA] [on phone] It's just a parking attendant, Terry.

You're fine.

I'm-I'm not mature enough for this. I need another hit.

[AISHA] No! You have enough maturity. Just try.

Hey, where you headed, chief?

The lost and f-found sector, sir.

Great. So you'll drive around to Structure Three,

just past our northeast loading dock.

You can park in any spot marked with a V.

That's P4 and below.

It's so much information. I can't handle this!

-[whooshing] -[information thrumming]

-[synapses zapping] -[? dramatic music playing]

Structure three, marked with a V. Got it. Thanks.

Have a good one. Time to enjoy some jazz.

-[? smooth jazz music playing] -[humming]

[AISHA] Terry, goddammit. You're too mature.

Put on Kidz Bop 38.

-You hear me? -[scatting]

Lost and found, how may I help you?

Hi, my family's lost.

One of your longshoremen nailed them into an arcade game.

I'd like for them to be found.

Do you have an appointment?

How could I have an appointment? It was an accident.

You'll need to create an appointment over there.

It's a simple set of forms.

Forms? I've never filled out a form in my life!

My handwriting looks like spaghetti!

An iPad with no games, just questions?

What year is it? Social Security Number?

Oh, God! I don't even know my zip code at all!

I don't even know one number! I knew this day would come.

Ah, ah! I can't, but I must.

-[whooshing] -[information thrumming]

[synapses zapping]

[sighs] Alright, name, date, zip code with all nine numerals.

Easy peasy, and because I'm mature, lemon squeezy.

-[hums] And submit. -[whooshes]

The forms should be in your system by now, madam.

You're all set. Just walk this down to my supervisor.

Two lefts and a right, through the breezeway,

and out the double doors once you pass the elevators.

-What? -Here is a vague map.

[Terry grunts]

[? foreboding music playing]

Where's Cherie, you sick fuck? Where would you take her?

[portal whirring]

[gasps]

Hey, bitch. It's me, the possum you friggin' killed.

I-I don't know what you're talking about.

Well, some part of you does,

otherwise you wouldn't be having this sweet vision.

-Check it. [possum growls] -Ow!

You fuck bag! I'm gon...

Oh, I remember. We killed each other!

Ding, ding, ding. You win a prize.

Now, come on. Let's go save your friend.

-[possum growls] -[Ringo yelps]

[? foreboding music playing]

Are those my memories?

Yeah, you tell me, bitch. It's your dumb life.

Please stop calling me bitch.

How about you please stop killin' possums!

I'm just trying to remember something that helps me find my friend.

Oh, God. I had to do that.

I was the only one who could keep The Wall together.

Oh, starting to remember?

[gasping] Stop! Stop.

That's not me! That's The Duke.

He died. I'm Ringo.

The Duke is Ringo!

No!

[sobbing] No! No!

Next! We got a Terry Solar Opposites out here?

I'm the grouchiest bureaucrat in the building.

Getting anything past me takes patience

and emotional regulation.

If you can't do that, then don't waste my friggin' time.

[gasps] Who the fuck needs all those clipboards?

[foghorn blares]

This is too much.

I'm mature enough to know I shouldn't do this,

but I'm out of time.

No more messing around.

[Terry screaming]

[groaning]

[drive beeping]

I... am... maturity!

Ah, great. Now you're glowing?

I got paperwork to do in here, taxes, reimbursements.

I don't got time

to screw around with any sci-fi shenanigans!

Hello. It is I, Terry Solar Opposites,

officially checking in.

I like your Eames chair. I appreciate its practicality.

Oh, you think you're mature just 'cause you're glowin'.

Let's see if you can keep it together

while I ask you boring questions!

All these floating memories! It's so hacky!

[screaming] Too many memories!

There has to be a better way to visualize this.

You must remember.

I remember. I remember everything.

Awkward. This is where you killed me.

Right by the playset,

where Cherie and I spent months hiding and becoming friends.

That's it!

The one place where you were both The Duke and Ringo.

To save Cherie, I had to be both.

Thanks, possum. Ooh, that's a lot of possum guts.

[Nova] [echoing] Ringo?

I'm gonna wake up now.

-[gasps] -[Nova] Are you okay?

I know where those fuckers took Cherie.

Look, Mr. Solar Opposites,

I have zero patience for BS claims,

so you better hope you got your facts straight.

-Now when did this incident-- -Yesterday,

between the hours of 4:30 p.m. and 4:35 p.m.

Do you know which arcade game--

Aerosmith Revolution X,

serial number F3892A7.

It was hoisted up to row eight, slot 35 on South Dock B.

Bring it to me.

[stammers] It's not that simple. We have policies.

-[energy whooshing] -I have absorbed your policies.

Transporting aliens is a violation of over 100 of them

as well as three dozen international treaties.

Can you stop hovering over me?

I cannot.

[lift whirring]

-[Korvo, Yumyulack, and Jesse cheering] -We love you, Xzibit!

It's pimping time!

-Pimp, pimp! -Ah, man.

We're still on the docks?

Family, I'm so happy you're safe.

Oh, my God, Terry. What did you have to do to get us back?

Just some... paperwork.

Sign here and you're all set.

[Terry groaning, zapping]

Good. For parking validation, you gotta double back to reception

and give them your license plate, then...

-[Terry groaning] -Terry!

[? adventurous music playing]

Hmm, smells like a trap. Let me go in first.

Hands in the air! This is a rescue!

-What the hell? -Took you long enough.

Cherie, you're not kidnapped?

No, we made that up.

We had to do something to jolt your memories back.

To punish me for the horrible things I did.

I deserve it.

No, sorry about that. We probably went too far.

You've already paid the ultimate price,

but there are other older memories I need to unlock.

-Like what? -Your life before The Wall.

We were trapped in this playset for a long time.

We talked about everything. You told me about Orlando.

[voice echoing]

Orlando, this is Delta Five-Niner requesting...

Hiya, mister. Can I have some of your pilot wings?

It's my birthday.

I'm trying to land. Get outta here!

Land this, bitch!

-[gun zaps] -[Ringo screams]

[airplane throttling]

Jesus, just take them and go. I have a family.

Sweet. Thanks.

I was a pilot! This is about Project Ariana.

We're never going to get grande again without a pilot I can trust,

a pilot with experience.

Captain Ringo, The Wall needs you.

Well, then, get me a goddamn bomber jacket.

[AISHA] Those drip sets are filling

your maturity points back up nice and slow.

Y'all feeling responsible?

Oh, yeah. I want to yell at a kid on a mini bike

for not wearing his helmet.

Feels good to be in control of my impulses again.

[liquid gurgling]

-Will he be okay? -[AISHA] Yeah, but he went too far.

There's a very good chance that when he wakes up,

Terry will be slightly more mature.

-[all gasping] -[group] Oh, no!

[Korvo] [sobbing] No! No!

[popcorn crunching]

Hey, Terry, wanna come see L'Ace Ventura?

It's a special midnight screening for hyper kids

where you can yell at the screen and throw popcorn.

H-h-how about a matinee?

It's cheaper and will give me time to clean out the gutters

and change the smoke detector batteries.

Su-sure, buddy. Whatever you want.

I bet we can save at least 69 bucks

if we go to a 4:20 screening.

[all laughing]

I'm back, baby!

Now that's the immature shithead I fell in love with.

Come here, you.

[Korvo, Terry moaning]

I'm thirsty for juice.

[? dramatic music playing]

??

[mimicking laser fire]

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