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1
00:00:01,835 --> 00:00:03,044
[VHS player clicking]
2
00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:05,130
[whirring]
3
00:00:08,925 --> 00:00:10,927
[? foreboding theme playing]
4
00:00:15,765 --> 00:00:18,184
[Korvo]
Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia,
5
00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:20,353
until the asteroid hit.
6
00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:23,606
One hundred adults and their replicants
were issued a Pupa
7
00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:25,150
and escaped into space,
8
00:00:25,233 --> 00:00:27,861
searching for new homes
on uninhabited worlds.
9
00:00:27,944 --> 00:00:29,195
We crashed on Earth,
10
00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:31,531
stranding us on an already
overpopulated planet.
11
00:00:31,614 --> 00:00:33,158
That's right, I've been talking
this whole time.
12
00:00:33,241 --> 00:00:34,325
I'm the one holding the Pupa.
13
00:00:34,409 --> 00:00:36,119
My name is Korvo.
This is my show.
14
00:00:36,202 --> 00:00:37,370
Bollocks, I just dropped the Pupa.
15
00:00:37,454 --> 00:00:38,580
Ugh. This is ridiculous.
16
00:00:38,663 --> 00:00:40,373
I hate Earth.
It's a horrible home.
17
00:00:40,457 --> 00:00:42,167
People are stupid and confusing.
18
00:00:42,250 --> 00:00:43,877
Why do you eat three meals a day?
19
00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:46,629
You should only feast once a year
on the festival of the Yopalox,
20
00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:48,757
and that meal should be
the gray Yopalox milk.
21
00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:50,925
Full disclosure, I'm under
a life debt to the Yopalox.
22
00:00:51,009 --> 00:00:54,137
[? dramatic music swells]
23
00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:57,640
[? pleasant music playing]
24
00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:00,894
Jesse, can you pass
the Baja Blitz Diet Shart?
25
00:01:00,977 --> 00:01:02,771
-Aye, aye, captain.
-[Yumyulack and Korvo gasp]
26
00:01:02,854 --> 00:01:04,439
Sha-boom-boom!
27
00:01:04,522 --> 00:01:05,899
[all laugh]
28
00:01:05,982 --> 00:01:08,693
That's probably the best
family catchphrase I've ever coined.
29
00:01:08,777 --> 00:01:10,195
What you talkin' about, bro?
30
00:01:10,278 --> 00:01:12,822
Yeah, bro, we all know
I coined sha-boom-boom.
31
00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:14,365
I said it when I knocked over
the sample lady
32
00:01:14,449 --> 00:01:15,825
with my Costco shopping cart.
33
00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:18,036
No, you didn't.
I created sha-boom-boom.
34
00:01:18,119 --> 00:01:20,747
Shit just came to me when that parking
structure collapsed at the movie theater.
35
00:01:20,830 --> 00:01:23,708
Nuh-uh, I said it
when I got that hole in one
36
00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:25,335
at the mini golf course where teens go
37
00:01:25,418 --> 00:01:26,961
to do whippets during Christmas break.
38
00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:28,213
That doesn't narrow it down.
39
00:01:28,296 --> 00:01:30,673
How dare you thieves try
to take credit for my catchphrase!
40
00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:33,134
-[Jesse] It's not yours, it's mine!
-[Korvo] I said sha-boom-boom first!
41
00:01:33,218 --> 00:01:34,427
You're trying to steal my valor!
42
00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:35,929
That's not what stolen valor means!
43
00:01:36,012 --> 00:01:37,806
You just stole stolen valor's valor!
44
00:01:37,889 --> 00:01:39,641
-Sha-boom-boom!
-Get my word out of your mouth!
45
00:01:39,724 --> 00:01:40,934
Sha-boom-my boom, biatch!
46
00:01:41,017 --> 00:01:43,353
I'm going to slice your throat
with my Ralph's Club Card!
47
00:01:43,436 --> 00:01:44,562
No fight!
48
00:01:44,646 --> 00:01:46,189
Pupa's right, we shouldn't fight.
49
00:01:46,272 --> 00:01:47,816
Because sha-boom-boom is mine!
50
00:01:47,899 --> 00:01:50,944
[Yumyulack and Jesse grunting]
51
00:01:51,027 --> 00:01:53,279
-[Pupa sighs]
-Eat fork, you smug bitch!
52
00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:55,615
-Sha-boom-boom!
-[Jesse] I hate you!
53
00:01:55,698 --> 00:01:57,909
Snap into my Slim Jim!
54
00:01:57,992 --> 00:02:00,078
Shabibity-bibity-boom-boom-pow!
55
00:02:00,161 --> 00:02:02,205
[Solars bickering]
56
00:02:03,498 --> 00:02:05,959
[bickering continues]
57
00:02:06,042 --> 00:02:07,502
-[Yumyulack] Sha-boom don't!
-[Pupa sighs]
58
00:02:07,585 --> 00:02:09,879
[bickering continues]
59
00:02:11,923 --> 00:02:13,299
[JK Sevens beeping]
60
00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:17,220
[? serene music playing]
61
00:02:20,265 --> 00:02:21,391
Ugh.
62
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:23,226
[AISHA] Don't feel bad, Pupa.
63
00:02:23,309 --> 00:02:25,186
I know you only come up here
when you're upset.
64
00:02:25,270 --> 00:02:27,939
I told you, those dummies
just love to fight.
65
00:02:28,022 --> 00:02:29,566
You know this is just how they are.
66
00:02:29,649 --> 00:02:31,776
-Too mean!
-[AISHA] Come on, Pupa,
67
00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:34,154
you can't hide up here
for a couple of days and stew
68
00:02:34,237 --> 00:02:35,822
whenever those idiots get in a fight.
69
00:02:35,905 --> 00:02:37,282
They're always in a fight.
70
00:02:37,365 --> 00:02:38,992
-[JK Sevens beeps]
-[AISHA] That's what I'm saying.
71
00:02:39,075 --> 00:02:40,285
I knew this was gonna happen.
72
00:02:40,368 --> 00:02:42,120
That's why I made you a little something
73
00:02:42,203 --> 00:02:44,747
that should provoke
some goddamn conversation.
74
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:47,542
-[JK Sevens beeps]
-Don't you blap at our VHS collection.
75
00:02:47,625 --> 00:02:50,503
I'm not subscribing
to another stupid streaming app.
76
00:02:50,587 --> 00:02:52,046
I like physical media.
77
00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:53,590
[gasps] G'day?
78
00:02:53,673 --> 00:02:55,425
[AISHA] No, I hate stupid ass G'day.
79
00:02:55,508 --> 00:02:56,551
I taped over that shit.
80
00:02:56,634 --> 00:02:58,887
-Taped over?
-[AISHA] Yeah, that's right.
81
00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:01,764
I made a retro mixtape
with footage JK Sevens shot
82
00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:03,391
and from my hidden cameras.
83
00:03:03,474 --> 00:03:05,768
You can't see 'em, but they're everywhere.
84
00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:08,021
They can even see through the fourth wall.
85
00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:11,024
Stop sulking and watch the tape.
86
00:03:12,609 --> 00:03:13,943
This will make you feel better.
87
00:03:15,486 --> 00:03:17,155
[newscaster] The musical theater gene.
88
00:03:17,238 --> 00:03:18,364
Can it be cured?
89
00:03:18,448 --> 00:03:19,824
More at 11:00.
90
00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:22,452
[? upbeat jingle plays]
91
00:03:22,535 --> 00:03:24,662
I'm never going to learn to hop, Papa.
92
00:03:24,746 --> 00:03:25,788
Blimey, G'day.
93
00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:28,833
You just have to let
your legs do the talkin'.
94
00:03:30,585 --> 00:03:32,670
Oh-ho! Fair dinkum!
95
00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:34,464
-G-day!
-[AISHA] I guess some of G-day
96
00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:35,924
must've made it through the edit.
97
00:03:36,007 --> 00:03:38,301
Just ignore those parts
and focus on the family stuff.
98
00:03:38,384 --> 00:03:39,510
[static crackling]
99
00:03:46,184 --> 00:03:47,894
Hello, Amazing Race producers.
100
00:03:47,977 --> 00:03:49,896
I'm Terry, and I'm bringing
a different kind
101
00:03:49,979 --> 00:03:51,356
of teammate to the table.
102
00:03:51,439 --> 00:03:53,149
A puppet!
103
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:54,859
[mimicking Jar Jar Binks]
Meesa love to travel.
104
00:03:54,943 --> 00:03:56,361
Meesa have global entry.
105
00:03:56,444 --> 00:03:58,279
Are you taping an Amazing Race audition?
106
00:03:58,363 --> 00:03:59,781
[mimicking Jar Jar Binks] No!
[normal voice] Ugh, I mean, no.
107
00:03:59,864 --> 00:04:02,408
You little slut. You're only doing this
because me and Jesse taped one.
108
00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:04,619
[mimicking Jar Jar Binks] So what me ask?
Me ask so what?
109
00:04:04,702 --> 00:04:07,372
Give me that bloody puppet.
I got you that to calm you down.
110
00:04:07,455 --> 00:04:09,374
-[Terry] I am calm!
-[Korvo] That's going in the trash.
111
00:04:09,457 --> 00:04:11,167
[Terry] Meesa stab you when you sleep.
112
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:13,002
[static crackling]
113
00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:15,004
Guess who just got back
from an appointment
114
00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:17,757
with one of the tallest
orthodontists in town?
115
00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:20,009
-[ding]
-Join the club, sister.
116
00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:21,261
-[ding]
-Same.
117
00:04:21,344 --> 00:04:23,554
-[ding]
-I did Invisalign.
118
00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:25,890
But then I also got a visible grill
that attaches to them.
119
00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:27,433
-[ding]
-[Jesse] That's not fair.
120
00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:30,019
This was supposed to be my dentist W!
121
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:32,063
Now you're just a middle-of-the-pack loser
122
00:04:32,146 --> 00:04:33,189
with nice choppers.
123
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:34,899
You did this on purpose!
124
00:04:34,983 --> 00:04:36,067
I was trying to stand out!
125
00:04:36,150 --> 00:04:37,652
Oh, my God. My grill's bleeding.
126
00:04:37,735 --> 00:04:39,445
Why can't anything be mine?
127
00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:41,364
-[Jesse and Yumyulack screaming]
-[static crackling]
128
00:04:41,447 --> 00:04:44,492
How long does it take to Easy Bake
a Wagyu in this thing?
129
00:04:44,575 --> 00:04:46,160
-[JK Sevens beeping]
-Six weeks!
130
00:04:46,244 --> 00:04:47,870
We're gonna need
a higher-watt light bulb.
131
00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:49,247
[motorcycle engine rumbling]
132
00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:51,499
-[tires screech]
-The ancient prophecy has come to pass.
133
00:04:51,582 --> 00:04:53,584
I have secured a Yamahog!
134
00:04:53,668 --> 00:04:55,878
This is a big-ass decision
to make without consulting me.
135
00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:57,547
-What the heck?
-I'm a grown-ass Shlorpian.
136
00:04:57,630 --> 00:04:59,090
I can hog a Hog when I want.
137
00:04:59,173 --> 00:05:00,925
Only Harleys are called Hogs.
138
00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:03,219
It's a major plot point in Wild Hogs.
139
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,430
I don't take advice
from William Hillary Macy,
140
00:05:05,513 --> 00:05:06,514
and you are just jealous!
141
00:05:06,597 --> 00:05:08,641
Of course I am. I want a Hog.
142
00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:10,393
Are you gonna lane split
past me in traffic?
143
00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:11,936
If that's what the road wants.
144
00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:13,771
-The road speaks to me now!
-[engine revving]
145
00:05:13,855 --> 00:05:14,897
-[Jesse] Damn!
-Shit!
146
00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:16,190
Can I take it for a spin?
147
00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:18,901
I want a Top Gun -style think
about fighter pilots
148
00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:21,446
while the sun is setting
behind me over the ocean.
149
00:05:21,529 --> 00:05:23,865
Absolutely not.
This puppy only purrs for me.
150
00:05:23,948 --> 00:05:25,325
Come on! You gotta share!
151
00:05:25,408 --> 00:05:27,368
Yeah, there's no "I" in "motorcycle."
152
00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:29,746
But there is an "I" in "Yamahog."
153
00:05:29,829 --> 00:05:31,205
-No, there isn't.
-It's a silent "I"!
154
00:05:31,289 --> 00:05:33,082
I'll whip up a spreadsheet
so we can organize
155
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:34,459
-who gets to ride this sweet, sweet--
-[slap smacks]
156
00:05:34,542 --> 00:05:36,794
-Ow!
-I deserve one thing that is just for me.
157
00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:38,087
So suck smog!
158
00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:39,339
-[Terry, Yumyulack, Jesse exclaiming]
-Ha!
159
00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:41,883
Oh, shit! Ah!
160
00:05:41,966 --> 00:05:43,760
Oh, God! Ugh!
161
00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:46,012
-Oh, yeah!
-[engine roaring]
162
00:05:46,095 --> 00:05:47,138
[static crackling]
163
00:05:47,221 --> 00:05:48,765
[fist thudding]
164
00:05:48,848 --> 00:05:51,309
Yummers, you've been in there 45 minutes.
165
00:05:51,392 --> 00:05:52,602
You're not sinning, are you?
166
00:05:52,685 --> 00:05:55,021
I need a shower.
I'm covered in yard spiders
167
00:05:55,104 --> 00:05:56,564
'cause I fell asleep in the bushes.
168
00:05:56,647 --> 00:05:57,732
[Yumyulack] One minute!
169
00:05:57,815 --> 00:05:59,984
Are you rubbing your mound
to Metroid again?
170
00:06:00,068 --> 00:06:01,277
I like helmets. Okay?
171
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:04,238
I told you to leave the big IP alone
or you're gonna get in trouble.
172
00:06:04,322 --> 00:06:05,698
It's parody-clearable colors!
173
00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:08,076
It's only parody if you're making
a specific statement.
174
00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:11,412
I am! The people who get off
on helmeted characters are weird.
175
00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:13,539
-That's not enough!
-[AISHA] I'm with Yum.
176
00:06:13,623 --> 00:06:15,541
That helmet fetish is weird as fuck.
177
00:06:15,833 --> 00:06:18,586
I know you don't like the fighting,
but just keep watching.
178
00:06:18,669 --> 00:06:20,129
[static crackling]
179
00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:22,006
-[Terry laughing]
-[Korvo screaming]
180
00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:24,133
Quicksand, bitch! You fell for my prank.
181
00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:25,927
-Goddamn it!
-Terry.
182
00:06:26,010 --> 00:06:27,178
This is legendary.
183
00:06:27,261 --> 00:06:28,304
[static crackling]
184
00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:31,099
-[balloon pops]
-[Jesse gasps]
185
00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:33,184
-[Jesse grunting]
-Ow! Ow! It hurts!
186
00:06:34,143 --> 00:06:36,479
Who's ready for patriotism?
187
00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:40,900
'Cause this is a Solar Opposites
4th of July special!
188
00:06:40,983 --> 00:06:43,986
[? dramatic music swells]
189
00:06:45,571 --> 00:06:48,366
Hey, why aren't you wearing the costumes
and merkins I sewed for you?
190
00:06:48,449 --> 00:06:50,159
No one wants a stupid July 4th special.
191
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:51,285
We don't do politics.
192
00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:53,871
I watch fireworks as God intended,
on YouTube.
193
00:06:53,955 --> 00:06:56,374
You want to celebrate liberty
with me, right, Korvo?
194
00:06:56,457 --> 00:06:58,167
Pass. I'm sympathetic to the loyalists.
195
00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:01,379
Ugh! I always go along
with your holiday special ideas.
196
00:07:01,462 --> 00:07:04,173
Don't take it personally.
It's just your ideas blow.
197
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:05,633
-I'll show you what blows!
-[Terry, Yumyulack, Korvo gasp]
198
00:07:05,716 --> 00:07:07,510
-[fireworks explode]
-[all scream]
199
00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:10,221
You burned my Mia Hamm Fathead
and vintage Playboys!
200
00:07:10,304 --> 00:07:12,473
-I never read the articles.
-[firework explodes]
201
00:07:12,557 --> 00:07:13,808
[static crackling]
202
00:07:13,891 --> 00:07:16,352
-[Terry laughing]
-Oh, this isn't funny!
203
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:17,603
Yes, it is.
204
00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:19,522
I think I feel Korvo's body down there.
205
00:07:19,605 --> 00:07:21,023
You should see your fucking faces.
206
00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:22,358
Oh, my God!
207
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:25,987
Ah! My whole family is trapped
in quicksand!
208
00:07:26,070 --> 00:07:27,572
I'm the ultimate prankster!
209
00:07:27,655 --> 00:07:30,199
[laughing]
210
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,160
Oh, I'm gonna puke.
211
00:07:32,243 --> 00:07:34,162
Oh, I'm gonna puke now.
212
00:07:34,245 --> 00:07:35,705
[static crackling]
213
00:07:36,998 --> 00:07:38,082
Mmm.
214
00:07:40,501 --> 00:07:42,211
-'Sup, pimp?
-Some freak put a jar
215
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:43,421
of peanut butter in the fridge.
216
00:07:43,504 --> 00:07:45,715
-Can you believe that?
-[scoffs] Come on, that's normal.
217
00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:48,217
-Keeps the Skippy fresh.
-But the cold ruins it.
218
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:49,760
Keeping PB out of the fridge
219
00:07:49,844 --> 00:07:51,512
is like the most insane thing
I've ever heard,
220
00:07:51,596 --> 00:07:54,599
and I once listened to Chet Hanks'
TED Talk on "keeping it riz-eal."
221
00:07:54,682 --> 00:07:56,017
Yo, Tweeps, back me up.
222
00:07:56,100 --> 00:07:58,019
Peanut butter goes in the fridge, aight?
223
00:07:58,102 --> 00:08:00,062
Not aight. It would get too hard.
224
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:02,690
I don't even know if it's safe
to eat cold peanut butter.
225
00:08:02,773 --> 00:08:04,817
-You could break your teeth.
-Are you kidding me?
226
00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:06,235
Me, are you kidding?
227
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:07,528
He's overheating.
228
00:08:07,612 --> 00:08:10,531
Brace for a big Solar Ops fight!
229
00:08:12,116 --> 00:08:14,035
Who cares? It's just peanut butter.
230
00:08:14,118 --> 00:08:16,537
[all laughing]
231
00:08:20,416 --> 00:08:22,168
[Terry] A little help here!
232
00:08:22,251 --> 00:08:23,711
Ugh! Ugh!
233
00:08:23,794 --> 00:08:26,464
Great Scott, you've beamed yourself
into the ceiling again.
234
00:08:26,547 --> 00:08:29,050
I was trying to beam
to the Meghan Trainor concert in Dubai,
235
00:08:29,133 --> 00:08:30,635
but I'm not good at sci-fi stuff.
236
00:08:30,718 --> 00:08:31,719
That's well established.
237
00:08:31,802 --> 00:08:33,346
Terry, why are you so dumb?
238
00:08:33,429 --> 00:08:35,264
'Cause I is. I can't feel my legs.
239
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:36,599
Can someone get me Doritos?
240
00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:38,851
I told you not to touch
the transportation matrix
241
00:08:38,935 --> 00:08:40,144
on the teleportransportatium!
242
00:08:40,228 --> 00:08:42,230
I know, but... No, the other Doritos.
243
00:08:42,313 --> 00:08:43,898
I only tapped one little button.
244
00:08:43,981 --> 00:08:46,108
You better not have used up
all the beaming sparkles.
245
00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:47,235
We only have a limited amount.
246
00:08:47,318 --> 00:08:50,029
No, the purple bag! Fiesta flavor!
247
00:08:50,112 --> 00:08:52,323
Darling, I don't know
what beaver sparkles is.
248
00:08:52,406 --> 00:08:54,951
Beaming sparkles.
They power the teleportransportatium.
249
00:08:55,034 --> 00:08:57,453
-Everybody else uses it.
-They do not!
250
00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:58,955
Ow! Ow! Cut it out!
251
00:08:59,038 --> 00:09:01,832
Ah! Ow! Shit!
252
00:09:01,916 --> 00:09:03,125
Ha! Told you!
253
00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:04,585
Someone give me Doritos.
254
00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:05,711
Ow!
255
00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:06,796
[static crackling]
256
00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:08,005
Get away, bitch!
257
00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:09,507
Peanut butter belongs in the fridge!
258
00:09:09,590 --> 00:09:11,926
[all grunting]
259
00:09:12,009 --> 00:09:13,678
Ah!
260
00:09:14,136 --> 00:09:16,055
[AISHA] That seems like a lot
of random-ass fights, huh?
261
00:09:16,138 --> 00:09:18,766
Almost like they love arguing
about everything.
262
00:09:18,849 --> 00:09:20,810
-See where I'm going with this?
-Funyuns.
263
00:09:20,893 --> 00:09:23,354
Just saying Funyuns
doesn't make any sense.
264
00:09:23,437 --> 00:09:24,522
This part's good.
265
00:09:24,605 --> 00:09:25,648
[static crackling]
266
00:09:25,731 --> 00:09:27,149
-[? dramatic music playing]
-[police sirens wailing]
267
00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:29,694
[officer] Put the weapon
on the ground and let the Hog go!
268
00:09:29,777 --> 00:09:31,612
This motorcycle is tearing
my family apart,
269
00:09:31,696 --> 00:09:33,155
and it's not a Hog!
270
00:09:33,864 --> 00:09:35,825
-I've got the shot.
-Wait for orders.
271
00:09:35,908 --> 00:09:37,743
Wind's picking up. It's now or never.
272
00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:39,203
I said wait for orders!
273
00:09:39,954 --> 00:09:42,290
Terry, it didn't have to come to this.
274
00:09:42,373 --> 00:09:45,293
This two-wheeled whore is trying
to take you from me, Korvo!
275
00:09:45,376 --> 00:09:46,460
Can't you see that?
276
00:09:46,544 --> 00:09:48,421
Can't you see what this bitch
is trying to do to us?
277
00:09:48,504 --> 00:09:50,298
-[gun cocks]
-Choose right now, hot shot.
278
00:09:50,381 --> 00:09:51,882
Who do you love? Me or the Hog?
279
00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:55,011
Well, I-I-I love you both differently.
280
00:09:55,094 --> 00:09:56,178
Wrong answer!
281
00:09:56,262 --> 00:09:58,889
Fuel's low, we can't maintain
position much longer.
282
00:09:58,973 --> 00:10:00,266
What do you want me to say?
283
00:10:00,349 --> 00:10:02,268
That I don't love an awesome motorcycle?
284
00:10:02,351 --> 00:10:03,811
All I wanted was to sit on the back
285
00:10:03,894 --> 00:10:06,897
and clutch you like Liv Tyler
in her dad's music video.
286
00:10:06,981 --> 00:10:10,651
I couldn't. You made me pull over
every time you see a bloody toy store!
287
00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:12,445
If I'm going to collect
the whole Jedi Council,
288
00:10:12,528 --> 00:10:14,322
then I need a Black Series Ki-Adi-Mundi.
289
00:10:14,405 --> 00:10:16,073
-You know that!
-We are in the red.
290
00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:17,908
That's it, I'm taking the shot.
291
00:10:17,992 --> 00:10:18,993
Jesse, no!
292
00:10:19,076 --> 00:10:20,536
-[gunshot]
-[static crackling]
293
00:10:23,706 --> 00:10:24,707
??
294
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:27,084
Oi! Come down from there!
295
00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:28,836
But I don't want to.
296
00:10:28,919 --> 00:10:32,131
You can't stay up in a tree
all live-long day, now can ya?
297
00:10:32,214 --> 00:10:34,050
-Ugh!
-[squishing]
298
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:36,135
Sha-boom-boom!
299
00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:39,013
-[all laughing]
-[all] Sha-boom-boom!
300
00:10:39,096 --> 00:10:40,765
[static crackling]
301
00:10:40,848 --> 00:10:42,850
[Yumyulack] [panting] Ah!
302
00:10:42,933 --> 00:10:46,228
[narrator] And we're back with
The Real World: Vatican City.
303
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:49,023
[woman] Who the hell drank
all my blood of Christ?
304
00:10:49,106 --> 00:10:50,524
-[door bangs]
-Ah!
305
00:10:50,608 --> 00:10:53,903
Terry, we've been searching
for you for five years.
306
00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:57,657
For me? But I'm just a human
and a supermodel.
307
00:10:57,740 --> 00:11:00,076
-Ah, oh!
-Huh! Got ya!
308
00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:02,328
They're aliens too. Take them instead.
309
00:11:02,411 --> 00:11:04,246
We don't know what
that alien's talking about.
310
00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:06,332
Yeah, that thing's been holding us hostage
311
00:11:06,415 --> 00:11:08,668
ever since he landed his ship
on our house.
312
00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:10,252
From one human to another,
313
00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:11,837
can you please get him out of here?
314
00:11:11,921 --> 00:11:13,964
Get your dirty X-Files hands off me!
315
00:11:14,048 --> 00:11:15,091
I have X rights!
316
00:11:15,174 --> 00:11:16,550
I demand to see an X lawyer!
317
00:11:16,634 --> 00:11:17,718
I plead the X!
318
00:11:17,802 --> 00:11:18,844
[static crackling]
319
00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:20,304
No! How could this be happening?
320
00:11:20,388 --> 00:11:21,430
I never saw this coming.
321
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,557
Nothing could be worse
than sinking into quicksand.
322
00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:25,768
-Ah!
-[quicksand gurgling]
323
00:11:27,311 --> 00:11:29,522
[hog oinking]
324
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:35,236
[Terry] No!
325
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:38,155
-[helicopter whirring]
-You guys ruined 4th of July for me,
326
00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:41,742
so now I'm gonna ruin it
for everyone else forever!
327
00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:44,745
Just let go of Uncle Sam
and put the gun on the ground, sweetie.
328
00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:46,288
Do what she says. Please!
329
00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:47,665
I have kids
330
00:11:47,748 --> 00:11:49,375
that I need to recruit into the military.
331
00:11:49,458 --> 00:11:51,627
-[Korvo] I have the shot.
-We're running low on fuel.
332
00:11:53,212 --> 00:11:54,380
I went back in time
333
00:11:54,463 --> 00:11:56,590
and recruited
the original American badass,
334
00:11:56,674 --> 00:11:58,759
Benjamin Franklin, to help us understand
335
00:11:58,843 --> 00:12:00,010
the meaning of July 4th.
336
00:12:00,094 --> 00:12:03,055
Don't make me own you
like I owned lightning.
337
00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:05,891
-[lightning crackling]
-[Yumyulack and Terry screaming]
338
00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:08,477
Keep that fuckstick Franklin away from me
339
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:09,854
or the Sam gets it.
340
00:12:09,937 --> 00:12:11,814
She's not messing around. Stay back!
341
00:12:11,897 --> 00:12:15,818
Whoa, whoa, whoa. How about we go eat
some apple pie with cheese on top
342
00:12:15,901 --> 00:12:18,821
and listen to a high school girl
butcher the national anthem
343
00:12:18,904 --> 00:12:20,448
at a minor league baseball game.
344
00:12:20,531 --> 00:12:23,367
Really? All the Independence Day stuff
that I wanted to do?
345
00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:26,203
Divided we fall, united we...
346
00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:27,913
-Poor Richard's Almanack!
-[Terry and Yumyulack gasp]
347
00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:29,081
-[Terry] Franklin, no!
-[Jesse grunts]
348
00:12:29,165 --> 00:12:30,833
Ah!
349
00:12:32,835 --> 00:12:34,670
-I'm taking the shot!
-[gunshot]
350
00:12:35,129 --> 00:12:36,922
[AISHA] I know it seems like
all the fights are getting worse,
351
00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:38,674
but I swear, it's gonna make sense soon.
352
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:40,009
[Korvo] Come here.
You're going to get it now.
353
00:12:40,092 --> 00:12:41,677
[AISHA]
Uh-oh, looks like they done spilled
354
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,721
their trashy asses into the front yard.
355
00:12:43,804 --> 00:12:45,222
-Classic.
-[Terry] Yeah, right.
356
00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:46,891
You're the ones
who's gonna be gettin' the gettin'.
357
00:12:46,974 --> 00:12:48,851
-[Jesse] Yeah, yeah, yeah!
-Get some, bitch!
358
00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:50,561
Ugh! Ow, ow, ow!
359
00:12:50,644 --> 00:12:52,563
[Terry and Korvo grunting]
360
00:12:52,646 --> 00:12:53,856
-No, no, no, no, no!
-[spine cracks]
361
00:12:53,939 --> 00:12:56,650
-Sha-boom-boom!
-Sha-boom-boom is mine!
362
00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:58,277
-[both yelp]
-[Jesse gasps]
363
00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:01,113
What the fuck you gonna do
with that guitar, you little bitch!
364
00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:03,115
-Ah!
-[Yumyulack] I'll kill you, sha-boom-boom!
365
00:13:03,199 --> 00:13:04,283
Stop fighting!
366
00:13:06,327 --> 00:13:08,496
[AISHA] Ignore that.
Keep watching the tape.
367
00:13:08,579 --> 00:13:10,456
This next part is going
to seem super crazy,
368
00:13:10,539 --> 00:13:11,707
but you gotta trust me.
369
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,083
It's how it has to go.
370
00:13:13,167 --> 00:13:14,502
[static crackling]
371
00:13:16,378 --> 00:13:19,590
Assemble on me, my refrigerated
peanut butter brothers!
372
00:13:22,343 --> 00:13:23,761
Room temp gang!
373
00:13:23,844 --> 00:13:26,764
Send those frigid fucks to an early grave.
374
00:13:26,847 --> 00:13:29,725
Unleash cold peanut butter hell!
375
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:32,561
[peanut butters grunting]
376
00:13:38,692 --> 00:13:40,820
Whoa, it's the jam squad.
377
00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:44,031
Lady Smuckers abhors violence.
Be civilized.
378
00:13:44,114 --> 00:13:47,076
Suck a to-go bag of dicks,
you artificially preserved bitch.
379
00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:49,495
-Activate the secret weapon!
-[gasps]
380
00:13:49,578 --> 00:13:50,830
-[rumbling]
-What the hell?
381
00:13:50,913 --> 00:13:53,249
Something's wrong with my lid!
382
00:13:53,332 --> 00:13:54,583
Ah!
383
00:13:55,501 --> 00:13:58,003
That peanut butter soldier had kids,
you monster!
384
00:13:58,087 --> 00:14:01,215
[all grunting and screaming]
385
00:14:05,219 --> 00:14:07,096
[static crackling]
386
00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:10,391
[Solars bickering on TV]
387
00:14:10,474 --> 00:14:12,560
[AISHA] Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,
don't you shut that off.
388
00:14:12,643 --> 00:14:13,853
We're gettin' to the good stuff.
389
00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:15,479
-We're right there.
-Ugh.
390
00:14:17,773 --> 00:14:19,191
[static crackling]
391
00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:21,360
[school bell ringing]
392
00:14:22,486 --> 00:14:24,697
That was my origami paper!
393
00:14:24,780 --> 00:14:25,906
You snooze, you lose.
394
00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:28,158
Folding something up
is ten-tenths of the law.
395
00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:29,326
-[punch thuds]
-Ow!
396
00:14:30,411 --> 00:14:32,204
That's my art project!
397
00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:33,873
-Mm, tasty crane!
-Ah!
398
00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:36,542
I hope you suffocate
and we avoid prosecution
399
00:14:36,625 --> 00:14:39,295
because we fall through cracks
in the justice system.
400
00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:41,589
-[both laughing]
-[Yumyulack] Ow!
401
00:14:42,006 --> 00:14:43,591
I know I should be enjoying a bit
402
00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:46,510
of classic Americana bullying,
but this sucks.
403
00:14:46,594 --> 00:14:48,971
Oh, great.
I bet you're here to make fun of me
404
00:14:49,054 --> 00:14:50,639
for getting locker stuffed, aren't you?
405
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:53,726
Figured you could use some company.
It gets pretty lonely in here.
406
00:14:53,809 --> 00:14:54,935
I brought you lunch.
407
00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:58,188
You're being nice
even though I stole your paper.
408
00:14:58,272 --> 00:15:00,900
Yeah, it's okay.
Us aliens have to stick together.
409
00:15:00,983 --> 00:15:03,110
Me paper es su paper.
410
00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:05,779
[chuckles]
411
00:15:07,865 --> 00:15:09,742
-Aw.
-[AISHA] You better say, "aw."
412
00:15:09,825 --> 00:15:12,369
I told your ass it got good.
Keep watching.
413
00:15:12,453 --> 00:15:14,747
[hyenas growling]
414
00:15:14,830 --> 00:15:16,624
[flamingo crunching]
415
00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:19,084
Can't believe we fought
over that last orange Tic Tac all day.
416
00:15:19,168 --> 00:15:20,252
I don't know what came over me.
417
00:15:20,336 --> 00:15:22,087
Those hyenas are beautiful.
418
00:15:22,171 --> 00:15:24,423
So are you, Terry. So are you.
419
00:15:24,506 --> 00:15:26,133
-[both moaning]
-[Pupa groans]
420
00:15:26,216 --> 00:15:28,260
[static crackling]
421
00:15:29,845 --> 00:15:30,846
[Terry] Please let me out!
422
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:33,140
I have to pee, metaphorically speaking!
423
00:15:33,223 --> 00:15:35,309
Just look into this memory wipe pen,
424
00:15:35,392 --> 00:15:37,019
and all will be forgiven.
425
00:15:37,102 --> 00:15:39,355
I don't want to forget.
I have a great life.
426
00:15:39,438 --> 00:15:41,273
-What the... [gasps]
-[? upbeat electronic music playing]
427
00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:43,192
We can't let you remember
428
00:15:43,275 --> 00:15:44,443
these abs!
429
00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:46,153
Ooh!
430
00:15:46,236 --> 00:15:47,363
Oh!
431
00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:50,491
[Solars cheering]
432
00:15:50,574 --> 00:15:52,242
We hired Men in Black strippers
433
00:15:52,326 --> 00:15:54,954
to celebrate you getting
your associate twerking license.
434
00:15:55,037 --> 00:15:56,705
You guys!
435
00:15:58,999 --> 00:16:00,668
Shake that human meat!
436
00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:03,754
[? upbeat electronic music continues]
437
00:16:06,173 --> 00:16:08,175
??
438
00:16:14,890 --> 00:16:16,058
Get the fuck out of here!
439
00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:17,726
[static crackling]
440
00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:18,978
[motorcycle engine rumbling]
441
00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:20,104
-[tires screech]
-[child thuds]
442
00:16:20,187 --> 00:16:22,022
Get your fucking family
out of the crosswalk!
443
00:16:22,564 --> 00:16:24,441
Wait a minute, family.
444
00:16:25,025 --> 00:16:26,777
[father] Where's the fucking ambulance?
Please!
445
00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:28,070
Wake up, baby, wake up!
446
00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:31,365
Ow! Careful of my gunshot wound.
447
00:16:31,448 --> 00:16:32,491
Once we actually talked,
448
00:16:32,574 --> 00:16:35,160
I realized I was being selfish
about the motorcycle.
449
00:16:35,244 --> 00:16:37,413
Well, at least it only took
a bullet to my face
450
00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:38,747
to make you come to your senses.
451
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,416
Sure, I can hear tastes now,
452
00:16:40,499 --> 00:16:42,584
but that's a small price to pay
for us to get along.
453
00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:45,546
I bought something on Choppy,
the Etsy for gearheads,
454
00:16:45,629 --> 00:16:48,048
that should make up for my poor behavior.
455
00:16:48,132 --> 00:16:50,551
-Do we all get Hogs?
-[Korvo] No!
456
00:16:50,634 --> 00:16:51,719
[Solars] Sidecars!
457
00:16:51,802 --> 00:16:54,430
I made a family Hog
we can all ride together
458
00:16:54,513 --> 00:16:56,807
and, yes, we'll be lane splitting
in this wide-ass fucker.
459
00:16:56,890 --> 00:16:58,392
The rules of the road be damned.
460
00:16:58,475 --> 00:17:00,352
-Oh, look at these fucking sidecars!
-[Jesse] Yay!
461
00:17:01,270 --> 00:17:02,396
Sidecar! Woo!
462
00:17:02,479 --> 00:17:03,605
[motorcycle engine revving]
463
00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:05,065
Hit it, Korvo!
464
00:17:05,149 --> 00:17:06,650
[motorcycle rumbling]
465
00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:08,402
Everyone lean forward.
466
00:17:08,485 --> 00:17:10,362
No, more! Lean forward more!
467
00:17:10,446 --> 00:17:12,072
No, careful. Oh, goddamn it!
468
00:17:12,156 --> 00:17:14,033
Oh, we should have just gotten a car.
469
00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:15,284
[static crackling]
470
00:17:15,743 --> 00:17:17,202
Why is there a hotel charge
471
00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:19,913
and three bottles of champagne
on our credit card bill?
472
00:17:19,997 --> 00:17:21,749
I thought you were
at your uncle's funeral.
473
00:17:21,832 --> 00:17:24,251
We were, uh, celebrating his life.
474
00:17:24,334 --> 00:17:26,128
Are you cheating on me again?
475
00:17:26,211 --> 00:17:27,463
Ah!
476
00:17:27,546 --> 00:17:30,591
I can't live like this anymore!
477
00:17:30,674 --> 00:17:32,468
[static crackling]
478
00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:34,636
[fireworks exploding]
479
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:36,138
[Uncle Sam and Benjamin Franklin laughing]
480
00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:39,141
Sorry about the whole
cliffside showdown earlier.
481
00:17:39,224 --> 00:17:42,978
I was real surprised you all hated
the 4th of July so much.
482
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:45,272
Well, due to the 1996
Will Smith blockbuster
483
00:17:45,355 --> 00:17:47,983
Independence Day,
I assumed it was deeply anti-alien.
484
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:49,151
Ditto on that one.
485
00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:51,445
They fucked the aliens up
so bad at the end.
486
00:17:51,528 --> 00:17:52,529
That movie sucks.
487
00:17:52,613 --> 00:17:55,074
Jesse, if they let us do
any more holiday specials,
488
00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:57,201
you can pick which one,
but don't bet on it.
489
00:17:57,284 --> 00:17:58,744
It's a strange time in the industry.
490
00:17:58,827 --> 00:18:00,662
Oh, geez. Thanks, guys.
491
00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:03,123
I can't wait.
I pick Women's Right to Choose Day.
492
00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:05,250
Hopefully, that doesn't get us deported.
493
00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:07,878
Oh, whoa. Would you look at that?
494
00:18:07,961 --> 00:18:10,839
I guess you actually shot me
back there on the cliff.
495
00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:13,884
Ah, this whole time, I've been in shock.
496
00:18:13,967 --> 00:18:15,886
[Solars laughing]
497
00:18:15,969 --> 00:18:19,473
It's not the 4th of July
until someone gets hurt.
498
00:18:19,556 --> 00:18:22,434
Oh, could we go to the hospital maybe?
499
00:18:22,518 --> 00:18:24,103
[siren blaring]
500
00:18:24,186 --> 00:18:25,187
Ah!
501
00:18:25,604 --> 00:18:26,605
-[fireworks exploding]
-[Solars screaming]
502
00:18:26,688 --> 00:18:28,273
[static crackling]
503
00:18:28,357 --> 00:18:30,192
[flies buzzing]
504
00:18:30,734 --> 00:18:32,694
Oh, you guys were way right.
505
00:18:32,778 --> 00:18:35,155
Room temp peanut butter's so much better
than that cold shit.
506
00:18:35,239 --> 00:18:37,407
[mouth full] I told you we were right
and you were wrong.
507
00:18:37,491 --> 00:18:39,827
Sorry I triggered that
high-concept PB gang war.
508
00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:41,328
I feel like a total dumb-dumb.
509
00:18:41,411 --> 00:18:42,788
We forgive you.
510
00:18:42,871 --> 00:18:45,624
I'm just relieved we're eating sandwiches
as a family again.
511
00:18:45,707 --> 00:18:46,959
Anyone want more milk?
512
00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:49,461
What the fuck is that doing
under the sink?
513
00:18:50,087 --> 00:18:51,964
Where do you keep your milk?
514
00:18:52,047 --> 00:18:53,882
[Solars laughing]
515
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:55,801
[Korvo laughing]
516
00:18:56,927 --> 00:18:58,428
[Korvo chuckles]
517
00:18:58,512 --> 00:18:59,972
Milk under the sink.
518
00:19:01,431 --> 00:19:04,351
[? gentle guitar music playing]
519
00:19:04,434 --> 00:19:06,687
[? vocalist humming]
520
00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:20,200
[? humming continues]
521
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,966
[? gentle guitar music continues]
522
00:19:39,845 --> 00:19:41,180
Aw, cute.
523
00:19:43,807 --> 00:19:46,476
Look at us all studying
soil samples together.
524
00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:49,104
Nice to not be throwing stuff
at each other for once.
525
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:50,898
We fight hard, but we love hard.
526
00:19:50,981 --> 00:19:52,649
Sometimes, we're bad at communicating,
527
00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:55,903
but when we do,
nothing can tear this family apart.
528
00:20:00,991 --> 00:20:02,868
Aw, family.
529
00:20:02,951 --> 00:20:05,621
[AISHA] Ha, I told you.
Fighting's just their love language.
530
00:20:05,704 --> 00:20:07,247
They fight because they care.
531
00:20:07,331 --> 00:20:08,498
It's annoying as hell,
532
00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:10,876
but it's how they have
to process everything,
533
00:20:10,959 --> 00:20:12,711
and they'll always come together.
534
00:20:13,462 --> 00:20:14,963
[JK Sevens beeping]
535
00:20:17,257 --> 00:20:18,258
That's right.
536
00:20:18,342 --> 00:20:20,677
Keep that on the shelf for the next time
you're feelin' down.
537
00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:23,305
AISHA's always got your back, little guy.
538
00:20:23,722 --> 00:20:25,140
Thanks, AISHA.
539
00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:26,725
[? gentle guitar music continues]
540
00:20:26,808 --> 00:20:29,853
[? humming continues]
541
00:20:41,531 --> 00:20:42,658
At the end of the day,
542
00:20:42,741 --> 00:20:45,035
it doesn't matter who came up
with sha-boom-boom.
543
00:20:45,118 --> 00:20:46,536
As long as we say it...
544
00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:48,247
[Solars] As a family.
545
00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:50,540
-I do wonder where it came from though.
-G'day!
546
00:20:50,624 --> 00:20:52,626
Aw, and good day to you, too.
547
00:20:52,709 --> 00:20:54,795
Where have you been all day,
you little gooper?
548
00:20:54,878 --> 00:20:56,213
-Aw.
-Oh! Aw.
549
00:20:56,296 --> 00:20:57,464
[Jesse laughing]
550
00:20:57,547 --> 00:20:59,841
See, this is nice. Glad to finally...
551
00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:02,052
Hey! JK, are you fucking filming us?
552
00:21:02,761 --> 00:21:03,845
[static crackling]
553
00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:05,389
[? gentle guitar music continues]
554
00:21:05,472 --> 00:21:08,016
[? humming continues]
555
00:21:26,576 --> 00:21:29,037
[? humming continues]
556
00:21:48,265 --> 00:21:49,766
[mimicking laser fire]
557
00:21:49,816 --> 00:21:54,366
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