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1
00:00:03,106 --> 00:00:06,627
You couldn't leave Waffles
back at the mansion
for two hours?
2
00:00:06,661 --> 00:00:08,215
It's good to see
you haven't changed much.
3
00:00:08,249 --> 00:00:10,527
Still jousting with strangers
over absolutely nothing.
4
00:00:10,562 --> 00:00:13,323
Are you lumberjacks?
We're musicians, asshole.
5
00:00:13,358 --> 00:00:15,739
You're an asshole.
You're a total dick, man.
6
00:00:15,774 --> 00:00:19,674
I push people away, and it's
something I gotta work on,
'cause it only hurts me.
7
00:00:19,709 --> 00:00:22,988
And I gotta work on
getting along with you
8
00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:24,507
and the world at large.
9
00:00:24,541 --> 00:00:27,717
I'm a critic with
an impeccable reputation.
10
00:00:27,751 --> 00:00:30,168
I'm a published author,
for Christ sakes.
11
00:00:30,202 --> 00:00:33,516
Huh?
I'm somebody...ish.
12
00:00:33,550 --> 00:00:36,174
You haven't written
anything in, like, years.
13
00:00:36,208 --> 00:00:38,348
I could if wanted.
Well, then do it.
14
00:00:40,247 --> 00:00:42,180
I think you're onto
something, Claire.
15
00:00:47,875 --> 00:00:49,601
[BIRD SQUAWKING]
16
00:00:49,635 --> 00:00:51,568
Appreciate you letting me
drag you along on my hike,
17
00:00:51,603 --> 00:00:53,536
but slow the fuck down,
Sonic the Hedgehog.
18
00:00:53,570 --> 00:00:56,228
If I was walking any slower,
I'd be standing.
19
00:00:56,263 --> 00:00:58,196
I'm not even
working up a sweat.
20
00:00:58,230 --> 00:00:59,404
I'm sweating plenty.
21
00:00:59,438 --> 00:01:00,922
You sweat
when you read.
22
00:01:00,957 --> 00:01:03,994
Yeah. So do 10 million
other James Patterson fans.
23
00:01:04,029 --> 00:01:06,031
Besides,
I have hyperhidrosis.
24
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:08,551
Hyperhidr...
You don't have that.
25
00:01:08,585 --> 00:01:10,725
It's not a real thing.
It is, too, ignor-anus.
26
00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:12,555
I'll prove it do you.
[BUTTONS CLICKING]
27
00:01:12,589 --> 00:01:14,557
[SPRAY CAN HISSING]
Hey.
28
00:01:16,938 --> 00:01:18,906
What are you doing?
29
00:01:18,940 --> 00:01:20,528
What do you mean?
30
00:01:21,598 --> 00:01:25,050
Uh, I didn't think
that I was being cryptic,
31
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:26,431
but I'll try again.
32
00:01:26,465 --> 00:01:27,639
What are you doing?
33
00:01:29,158 --> 00:01:30,573
Expressing myself.
34
00:01:30,607 --> 00:01:32,402
On a rock?
35
00:01:32,437 --> 00:01:33,679
Yeah.
36
00:01:33,714 --> 00:01:36,303
Look, I hate all graffiti,
37
00:01:36,337 --> 00:01:39,478
but at least do it
on a fucking building
or a subway car.
38
00:01:40,514 --> 00:01:43,275
Okay, what are you,
the graffiti Gestapo?
39
00:01:43,310 --> 00:01:45,864
So, what...
What do we have here?
What do we have?
40
00:01:45,898 --> 00:01:49,454
"As she dances
in the bandwidth...
41
00:01:49,488 --> 00:01:51,870
"...of her redolent frown."
42
00:01:51,904 --> 00:01:53,596
What does that mean?
43
00:01:53,630 --> 00:01:55,943
Wow.
Do not click on images
44
00:01:55,977 --> 00:01:57,565
when you look up
"hyperhidrosis."
45
00:01:57,600 --> 00:02:00,292
Stand by. Seriously, what...
What does that mean?
46
00:02:00,327 --> 00:02:02,674
Uh, I think it's
pretty self-explanatory.
47
00:02:02,708 --> 00:02:06,160
Yeah. You...
You couldn't explain that
48
00:02:06,195 --> 00:02:08,749
if you had a gun
and a dick pointed at ya.
49
00:02:08,783 --> 00:02:10,613
[LAUGHS]
And a dick.
50
00:02:11,821 --> 00:02:14,996
Okay, maybe you're just
not smart enough to get it.
51
00:02:15,031 --> 00:02:17,792
Oh, well,
enlighten me, Banksy.
52
00:02:17,827 --> 00:02:19,139
Okay.
53
00:02:20,968 --> 00:02:23,143
Uh...
54
00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:26,007
Okay, well, it's
about a... A girl,
55
00:02:26,042 --> 00:02:29,701
and she's dancing,
and she's frowning.
56
00:02:29,735 --> 00:02:31,461
She's dancing,
and she's frowning.
57
00:02:31,496 --> 00:02:32,980
Got that.
58
00:02:33,014 --> 00:02:35,293
And, you know, the...
She... The...
59
00:02:35,327 --> 00:02:36,708
She has the bandwidth.
60
00:02:36,742 --> 00:02:38,951
The bandwidth of her life
in a post-Trump...
61
00:02:41,713 --> 00:02:43,439
Fuck, I don't know
what it means, man.
62
00:02:43,473 --> 00:02:45,855
No, I didn't think so,
'cause it's horse shit.
63
00:02:45,889 --> 00:02:47,684
Trust me, I know
what I'm talking about.
64
00:02:47,719 --> 00:02:49,997
I have a pretty good nose for
sniffing out people who are,
65
00:02:50,031 --> 00:02:52,793
how do I put this kindly,
66
00:02:52,827 --> 00:02:54,381
totally bereft of talent.
67
00:02:56,486 --> 00:02:57,798
Wow.
68
00:02:58,488 --> 00:03:00,318
No, you're right.
69
00:03:00,352 --> 00:03:02,699
I thought maybe
I was a poet, but...
70
00:03:05,875 --> 00:03:07,014
I guess...
71
00:03:07,773 --> 00:03:09,223
I guess
my father was right.
72
00:03:11,708 --> 00:03:13,054
I'm nothing.
73
00:03:13,089 --> 00:03:15,022
There ya go.
74
00:03:19,337 --> 00:03:22,029
Don't you think you were
a little hard on that dude?
75
00:03:22,063 --> 00:03:23,203
What dude?
76
00:03:23,237 --> 00:03:24,790
That...
That dude.
77
00:03:24,825 --> 00:03:26,516
Oh, no.
78
00:03:26,551 --> 00:03:30,037
One thing
I know about artists,
they have thick skin.
79
00:03:30,071 --> 00:03:32,764
♪♪
80
00:03:41,704 --> 00:03:44,569
So there I was,
face-to-face with Liz Solomon,
81
00:03:44,603 --> 00:03:46,847
first time I've seen her
since high school.
82
00:03:46,881 --> 00:03:49,367
Jesus,
she's even prettier now.
83
00:03:49,401 --> 00:03:51,403
I contacted her
because she's an artist
84
00:03:51,438 --> 00:03:53,888
and I wanted to commission
a painting of my cat.
85
00:03:53,923 --> 00:03:56,719
Only a pussy would order
a painting of a pussy.
86
00:03:56,753 --> 00:03:59,066
I'd order a painting
of a pussy.
87
00:03:59,100 --> 00:04:00,757
NEW GUY:
Okay, if you must know,
88
00:04:00,792 --> 00:04:02,725
I wasn't only ordering
the painting
89
00:04:02,759 --> 00:04:05,245
just to pay homage
to my cat.
90
00:04:06,591 --> 00:04:09,421
I was using it as an excuse
to get in touch with Liz.
91
00:04:09,456 --> 00:04:13,218
See, I set up
a Google alert, "Liz Solomon
divorce" years ago.
92
00:04:13,977 --> 00:04:16,532
And it finally went off.
Good news.
93
00:04:16,566 --> 00:04:19,362
Oh, I had such a crush
on this girl.
94
00:04:19,397 --> 00:04:21,985
I thought
she had one on me, too.
95
00:04:22,020 --> 00:04:24,954
But then when I went
to pick up my painting
last night,
96
00:04:24,988 --> 00:04:28,268
she didn't remember the inside
joke we had in English class,
97
00:04:28,302 --> 00:04:31,616
and she got my name wrong,
first and last.
98
00:04:31,650 --> 00:04:33,203
Well, what did you expect?
99
00:04:33,238 --> 00:04:35,447
You haven't been
to high school for 50 years.
100
00:04:35,482 --> 00:04:37,207
Forty years.
BEN: Okay.
101
00:04:37,242 --> 00:04:39,279
Hey, chin up, man.
102
00:04:39,313 --> 00:04:41,246
Unrequited love
gets a bad rap.
103
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:42,316
How so?
104
00:04:42,351 --> 00:04:44,284
Well, because it's actually
the only kind of love
105
00:04:44,318 --> 00:04:45,837
that doesn't
break your heart.
106
00:04:45,871 --> 00:04:49,012
Unlike requited love,
which will tear it out
and shit on it.
107
00:04:49,047 --> 00:04:51,118
I don't understand.
Why are you
so obsessed with her?
108
00:04:51,774 --> 00:04:53,293
I'm not obsessed.
109
00:04:53,327 --> 00:04:54,984
Then why do you
look so sad?
110
00:04:55,018 --> 00:04:56,986
I'm not sad.
This is just my face.
111
00:04:57,020 --> 00:04:59,402
I'd be sad, too,
if I had a face like that.
112
00:04:59,437 --> 00:05:00,541
Fuck you.
113
00:05:00,576 --> 00:05:02,129
Ooh.
114
00:05:02,163 --> 00:05:04,096
♪♪
115
00:05:07,030 --> 00:05:08,308
NEW GUY: Rog?
116
00:05:08,998 --> 00:05:10,137
Rog?
117
00:05:11,449 --> 00:05:13,105
Hey.
118
00:05:13,140 --> 00:05:15,245
Didn't hear you there.
Do you have a minute?
119
00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:18,801
Th-There's something
I-I need to talk about.
120
00:05:18,835 --> 00:05:20,250
Maybe I should go
and get Loudermilk.
121
00:05:20,285 --> 00:05:22,322
No.
No, no, no, no.
122
00:05:22,356 --> 00:05:24,496
I don't want him
to know my secrets.
123
00:05:24,531 --> 00:05:27,844
But he's our leader,
and he can help you
much more than I can.
124
00:05:27,879 --> 00:05:29,087
No, you don't...
You don't get it.
125
00:05:29,121 --> 00:05:30,882
I-I've never told this
to anyone.
126
00:05:36,232 --> 00:05:37,337
Well?
127
00:05:38,130 --> 00:05:40,340
Look, I know I've talked
a big game,
128
00:05:42,307 --> 00:05:44,171
but I haven't really
banged Rihanna.
129
00:05:45,483 --> 00:05:47,174
Or fingered
Kristin Chenoweth.
130
00:05:48,555 --> 00:05:50,004
I'm disappointed.
131
00:05:50,039 --> 00:05:52,973
There I was living
vicariously through you.
132
00:05:53,007 --> 00:05:55,044
Yeah, I know, I know.
Sorry.
133
00:05:56,425 --> 00:05:59,876
See, what got me so down
about seeing that woman
from high school
134
00:05:59,911 --> 00:06:02,638
was realizing how little
my life had changed.
135
00:06:02,672 --> 00:06:04,329
I mean, professionally,
yeah, I'm killing it.
136
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:05,986
I'm T. rex
with a monster cock.
137
00:06:06,020 --> 00:06:09,645
But, romantically,
not so much.
138
00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:15,029
Tony and Cisco were right.
You're a virgin.
139
00:06:15,892 --> 00:06:17,549
That's crazy.
It's laughable.
140
00:06:17,584 --> 00:06:19,586
I'm just a...
141
00:06:19,620 --> 00:06:20,863
Lip virgin.
142
00:06:22,105 --> 00:06:24,418
What, you mean you've never
gone down on a woman.
143
00:06:24,453 --> 00:06:27,007
Good God, no. Bathroom parts
go with bathroom parts.
144
00:06:27,041 --> 00:06:28,422
But that's not
what I meant.
145
00:06:29,181 --> 00:06:31,494
I meant I've never, uh...
146
00:06:33,703 --> 00:06:35,912
I-I've never
kissed a woman.
147
00:06:35,947 --> 00:06:37,604
What, never?
148
00:06:37,638 --> 00:06:41,124
But how can you have
had sex with a woman
and never been kissed?
149
00:06:42,643 --> 00:06:46,854
Okay, look, I've only
had intercourse
with professional women.
150
00:06:46,889 --> 00:06:48,580
By professional, I don't mean
women with careers.
151
00:06:48,615 --> 00:06:50,271
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I got it.
152
00:06:50,306 --> 00:06:53,102
See, prostitutes
won't let you kiss them.
153
00:06:53,136 --> 00:06:56,450
Yeah, maybe you should
be talking about this
with Loudermilk.
154
00:06:56,485 --> 00:06:58,452
It may be the reason
you did meth.
155
00:06:58,487 --> 00:07:00,730
No, no, no.
You can't tell a soul.
156
00:07:00,765 --> 00:07:03,423
This... Roger, this is
too fuckin' embarrassing.
157
00:07:03,457 --> 00:07:05,770
Well, why are
you telling me?
158
00:07:05,804 --> 00:07:08,117
I don't know.
I needed to tell somebody.
159
00:07:08,151 --> 00:07:09,808
And I feel safe with you
because, you know,
160
00:07:09,843 --> 00:07:11,154
you don't have
complete arms.
161
00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:14,157
No, I...
That came out wrong.
162
00:07:14,192 --> 00:07:17,057
I just meant me and you, like,
we're one of a kind
163
00:07:17,091 --> 00:07:19,266
because we've both been fucked
so badly by God.
164
00:07:20,060 --> 00:07:21,441
No, it's not just that.
165
00:07:21,475 --> 00:07:22,787
You're smarter
and more sensitive
166
00:07:22,821 --> 00:07:24,271
than anybody
in that group,
167
00:07:24,305 --> 00:07:25,962
and you've got
that beautiful accent.
168
00:07:25,997 --> 00:07:28,655
And, look,
can you please help me?
169
00:07:28,689 --> 00:07:30,588
Roger,
you're my best friend.
170
00:07:33,970 --> 00:07:35,455
I'm sorry, man, I can't.
171
00:07:36,317 --> 00:07:39,010
Look, my mum is ill.
172
00:07:39,044 --> 00:07:41,081
Seriously ill, and I've gotta
go back to England
173
00:07:41,115 --> 00:07:42,496
to look after her
for a while.
174
00:07:42,531 --> 00:07:45,154
Yeah, yeah,
that's good for you.
But what about me?
175
00:07:47,639 --> 00:07:49,330
Don't worry.
176
00:07:49,365 --> 00:07:50,677
I'll make sure you get
what you need.
177
00:07:52,299 --> 00:07:53,956
Phew.
178
00:07:53,990 --> 00:07:56,096
I can't believe you dragged me
all the way back here
179
00:07:56,130 --> 00:07:57,822
to look for
a God damn headband.
180
00:07:57,856 --> 00:07:59,927
That headband was a gift
from my pickle ball team.
181
00:07:59,962 --> 00:08:01,688
It's very special,
thanks.
182
00:08:01,722 --> 00:08:03,103
Well, I'll buy you
another one.
183
00:08:03,137 --> 00:08:04,656
I don't even remember
you wearing a head...
184
00:08:04,691 --> 00:08:06,416
What's pickle ball?
185
00:08:06,451 --> 00:08:08,004
You don't know
what pickle ball is?
186
00:08:08,039 --> 00:08:09,661
Well, it's a cross
between tennis and badminton.
187
00:08:09,696 --> 00:08:12,699
It's normally played on grass,
turf, dirt, or sand.
188
00:08:13,803 --> 00:08:15,115
LOUDERMILK: What the
fuck's he doing now?
189
00:08:15,149 --> 00:08:16,357
I told you you were
too hard on the dude.
190
00:08:16,392 --> 00:08:17,807
Now he's gonna
kill himself.
191
00:08:17,842 --> 00:08:20,292
Huh?
No, you don't know that.
192
00:08:20,327 --> 00:08:22,053
He could just be looking
for a better view.
193
00:08:22,087 --> 00:08:23,433
Really? Okay, then
why did he write,
194
00:08:23,468 --> 00:08:25,505
"Goodbye, world,"
on the rocks, then?
195
00:08:25,539 --> 00:08:26,816
I don't know.
Oh, boy.
196
00:08:26,851 --> 00:08:28,162
Shit.
Okay.
197
00:08:28,197 --> 00:08:29,474
Go talk to him, man.
This is your fault.
198
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:30,820
Yeah... My fault?
199
00:08:30,855 --> 00:08:33,202
I shit on the guy for,
like, 30 seconds.
200
00:08:33,236 --> 00:08:34,859
Obviously,
he had prior issues
201
00:08:34,893 --> 00:08:37,965
or he wouldn't be writing
that drivel on rocks.
202
00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:41,003
Hey, hey, buddy. What...
What are you doing?
203
00:08:41,037 --> 00:08:44,489
I'm about to jump to my death
because of you, asshole!
204
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,767
The least you could do
is wish me good luck!
205
00:08:46,802 --> 00:08:49,183
Come on down from there.
Don't do anything stupid.
206
00:08:49,218 --> 00:08:50,840
Oh, so now
I'm stupid, too?
207
00:08:50,875 --> 00:08:53,671
No, I said don't do
anything stupid.
208
00:08:53,705 --> 00:08:57,364
Look, I was a jerk
earlier, okay?
209
00:08:57,398 --> 00:09:00,816
I... Your bandwidth poem
is actually pretty...
210
00:09:00,850 --> 00:09:02,300
Pretty... Pretty good.
211
00:09:02,334 --> 00:09:04,060
Oh, don't patronize me.
212
00:09:04,095 --> 00:09:07,063
No?
Okay, 'cause it sucked.
213
00:09:07,098 --> 00:09:09,652
Uh, you fucking misspelled
"bandwidth."
214
00:09:09,687 --> 00:09:11,067
How do you know
how to spell "redolent"?
215
00:09:11,102 --> 00:09:13,173
I thought it was great.
216
00:09:13,207 --> 00:09:15,416
You're a wonderful writer!
You have a gift!
217
00:09:15,451 --> 00:09:18,074
[CRYING] No.
No, your friend's right.
218
00:09:18,109 --> 00:09:19,351
It's a joke!
219
00:09:20,249 --> 00:09:22,562
I'm a joke.
220
00:09:22,596 --> 00:09:25,288
I can't even
kill myself right.
221
00:09:25,323 --> 00:09:26,531
I've been up here
since this morning
222
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,878
because I don't have
the balls to jump.
223
00:09:28,913 --> 00:09:30,431
Sure, you do!
224
00:09:30,466 --> 00:09:32,779
I mean, you... You have...
You have balls, you know.
225
00:09:32,813 --> 00:09:34,263
You got lots of balls,
226
00:09:34,297 --> 00:09:36,265
and you're gonna do
lots of great stuff, okay?
227
00:09:36,299 --> 00:09:37,853
But you're
not gonna do this.
228
00:09:37,887 --> 00:09:39,302
Because...
Because why?
229
00:09:39,337 --> 00:09:40,441
Plenty of reasons.
230
00:09:40,476 --> 00:09:42,582
I mean,
you're thin, okay.
231
00:09:42,616 --> 00:09:44,514
I mean, shit, I wish
I had your metabolism.
232
00:09:44,549 --> 00:09:46,033
There's one reason
right there.
233
00:09:46,068 --> 00:09:48,104
And you don't have
hyperhidrosis.
234
00:09:48,139 --> 00:09:50,590
That's for sure.
You're out here in the sun.
235
00:09:50,624 --> 00:09:52,005
You seem to be cool
as a cucumber.
236
00:09:52,039 --> 00:09:53,454
I'm jealous.
237
00:09:53,489 --> 00:09:54,904
Look, I don't know
your full deal, buddy,
238
00:09:54,939 --> 00:09:58,218
but, you know,
we all go through shit.
239
00:09:58,252 --> 00:10:00,772
And we all think that life
can't get any better.
240
00:10:00,807 --> 00:10:03,568
But it... It...
It can.
241
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:06,260
Well, that's all you got?
Oh, I'm jumping.
242
00:10:06,295 --> 00:10:08,262
Oh, no, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!Whoa, whoa, hey, don't, no!
243
00:10:08,297 --> 00:10:09,747
He's just war...
He's warming up.
244
00:10:09,781 --> 00:10:11,783
Listen, it's not just you
that would be hurt, okay?
245
00:10:11,818 --> 00:10:14,096
Think about the people
who care about you.
246
00:10:14,130 --> 00:10:15,925
Oh, strike two!
247
00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:17,617
No one cares about me!
248
00:10:17,651 --> 00:10:19,411
I have to go
to restaurants,
249
00:10:20,481 --> 00:10:22,725
even movies alone!
250
00:10:24,209 --> 00:10:27,143
All right, well, if that's
what this is about,
come on down.
251
00:10:27,178 --> 00:10:28,904
I'll go to a movie
with ya.
252
00:10:33,874 --> 00:10:35,289
Which movie?
253
00:10:35,324 --> 00:10:36,843
You pick it.
254
00:10:36,877 --> 00:10:38,914
Just none of that
comic-book bullshit.
255
00:10:40,432 --> 00:10:41,675
When?
256
00:10:42,607 --> 00:10:43,850
Thursday.
257
00:10:47,681 --> 00:10:51,029
Well, I mean, I might
have to move a few things
around, but...
258
00:10:51,064 --> 00:10:52,686
Yes.
Fuck it, let's do it!
259
00:10:52,721 --> 00:10:53,825
All right!
260
00:10:53,860 --> 00:10:55,447
Super.
Yeah!
261
00:10:55,482 --> 00:10:56,759
You're gonna live!
262
00:10:57,760 --> 00:10:59,037
Oh.
263
00:10:59,072 --> 00:11:00,832
Can I have some help
getting down?
264
00:11:00,867 --> 00:11:03,352
[STUPID MOUTH SHUTPLAYS]
265
00:11:04,802 --> 00:11:07,977
♪ The sidewalk bends
where your house ends
266
00:11:08,012 --> 00:11:12,016
♪ Like the neighborhood
is on its knees
267
00:11:12,050 --> 00:11:16,020
♪ Surrounded by
a chain-link fence
268
00:11:16,054 --> 00:11:19,989
♪ Keeps me out but lets me see
269
00:11:22,371 --> 00:11:26,513
♪ But someday
when my heart exhales
270
00:11:26,547 --> 00:11:29,792
♪ I'll tell you everything
271
00:11:29,827 --> 00:11:36,316
♪ Those sweet words
spilling all about us
272
00:11:37,420 --> 00:11:41,045
♪ I'll say, "Please
Please be with me"
273
00:11:41,079 --> 00:11:44,842
♪ And I'll breathe so easily
274
00:11:44,876 --> 00:11:49,225
♪ But instead
I'm turning blue
275
00:11:49,260 --> 00:11:51,918
♪ I look at you
and keep my... ♪[DOOR OPENS]
276
00:11:51,952 --> 00:11:53,264
NEW GUY: What are
you guys doing here?
277
00:11:53,298 --> 00:11:55,024
Roger told us
about your lady problems.
278
00:11:55,059 --> 00:11:56,543
I told him
not to tell anyone.
279
00:11:56,577 --> 00:11:58,545
We really want to help.
280
00:11:58,579 --> 00:12:01,065
Okay, okay,
but nobody else, okay?
281
00:12:01,099 --> 00:12:03,032
This just stays within...
Within our gang.
282
00:12:03,067 --> 00:12:04,102
Oh, okay.
Okay.
283
00:12:04,137 --> 00:12:05,897
Don't be ashamed,
New Guy.
284
00:12:05,932 --> 00:12:08,003
Look, it's obvious you made
a success of yourself somehow.
285
00:12:08,037 --> 00:12:09,729
And maybe you haven't had time
for a social life.
286
00:12:09,763 --> 00:12:11,523
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, let's go with that.
287
00:12:11,558 --> 00:12:12,732
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
288
00:12:14,561 --> 00:12:16,563
Hey! What the fuck
is he doing here?
289
00:12:16,597 --> 00:12:19,221
Yeah, he was, uh,
eavesdropping on my
conversation with Cloud.
290
00:12:19,255 --> 00:12:21,602
Hey, man.
15-foot rule.
291
00:12:21,637 --> 00:12:23,052
If you don't whisper,
292
00:12:23,087 --> 00:12:26,193
it's rude for anybody
within 15 feet not to listen.
293
00:12:27,194 --> 00:12:28,609
Am I too late?
What did I miss?
294
00:12:28,644 --> 00:12:30,404
This is fucking absurd!
295
00:12:30,439 --> 00:12:31,785
You know what's absurd?
296
00:12:31,820 --> 00:12:34,132
That you prize secrecy
over assistance.
297
00:12:34,167 --> 00:12:36,410
These guys are here to help
you pop your lip cherry, man.
298
00:12:36,445 --> 00:12:37,722
Yeah.
I don't want his help.
299
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:40,656
Oh, I see.
Okay, you don't want my help.
300
00:12:40,690 --> 00:12:43,176
All right, then I guess
I'll just call that chick back
301
00:12:43,210 --> 00:12:45,592
who I set you up with
and tell her it's off, hmm?
302
00:12:45,626 --> 00:12:48,768
What, you set me up?
Why?
303
00:12:48,802 --> 00:12:50,528
Listen,
I'm not a religious man,
304
00:12:50,562 --> 00:12:53,496
but I do believe
that good pussy can
save a man's soul.
305
00:12:53,531 --> 00:12:55,878
And I also thought if I could
get somebody somewhere
306
00:12:55,913 --> 00:12:57,915
to want to kiss you
consensually,
307
00:12:57,949 --> 00:13:01,125
maybe you'd be a little bit
less of a turd all the time.
308
00:13:01,159 --> 00:13:02,609
Oh, okay.
I'm sorry, Mugsy.
309
00:13:02,643 --> 00:13:04,128
That...
That was nice of you.
310
00:13:04,162 --> 00:13:05,888
Yeah.
And she's a great woman.
311
00:13:05,923 --> 00:13:07,510
Tons in common with you.
Mmm.
312
00:13:07,545 --> 00:13:09,374
Except she's good-looking.
Ooh.
313
00:13:09,409 --> 00:13:10,928
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Damn, she's early.
314
00:13:10,962 --> 00:13:13,620
She's here? Why didn't you
tell me she's on her way?
315
00:13:13,654 --> 00:13:15,173
Because I didn't want
to stress you out.
316
00:13:15,208 --> 00:13:16,657
I'm stressed now!
317
00:13:16,692 --> 00:13:18,004
Oh, how do I look?
How do I look?
318
00:13:18,038 --> 00:13:19,177
Don't make us answer
that question.
319
00:13:19,212 --> 00:13:20,765
We want to send you
on the date with confidence.
320
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,491
Oh, hey.
Hey.
321
00:13:23,630 --> 00:13:25,252
TONY: What the hell
are you doing?
322
00:13:25,287 --> 00:13:27,599
You don't throw a Hail Mary
on the first play of the game.
323
00:13:27,634 --> 00:13:29,153
Give me that!
324
00:13:29,187 --> 00:13:30,326
Okay, hey.
325
00:13:30,361 --> 00:13:32,673
Hey, a little privacy,
please.
326
00:13:32,708 --> 00:13:34,399
Backyard.
Backyard!
327
00:13:34,434 --> 00:13:35,504
Oh.
328
00:13:39,370 --> 00:13:40,958
[DOOR CLOSES]
329
00:13:43,684 --> 00:13:44,685
Hi.
330
00:13:46,515 --> 00:13:48,103
Hello.
331
00:13:48,137 --> 00:13:50,001
Um, am I early?
332
00:13:50,691 --> 00:13:52,141
Oh, no.
No.
333
00:13:52,176 --> 00:13:53,522
Um, oh, you know what?
One of my...
334
00:13:53,556 --> 00:13:55,248
One of my cats
just got out.
335
00:13:55,282 --> 00:13:57,733
Could... Could you just stay
there for a second, please?Oh, God, can I help?
336
00:13:57,767 --> 00:13:59,459
No.
No, no, thank you.
337
00:13:59,493 --> 00:14:01,426
That's really sweet of you,
but if you could just, like,
338
00:14:01,461 --> 00:14:03,118
stay right there, please,
339
00:14:03,152 --> 00:14:06,155
in case my cat rings,
you know, the... The doorbell.
340
00:14:12,541 --> 00:14:14,025
What the fuck?
341
00:14:14,060 --> 00:14:16,234
Hey, what are you
so upset about?
342
00:14:16,269 --> 00:14:17,684
She's a midget!
343
00:14:17,718 --> 00:14:19,134
Hey, the correct term
is "little person."
344
00:14:19,168 --> 00:14:20,721
Don't be a racist.
345
00:14:20,756 --> 00:14:23,207
No, no, no,
he can call her that
'cause he's one himself.
346
00:14:23,241 --> 00:14:26,313
Yeah, like you guys
can call each other...
347
00:14:26,348 --> 00:14:28,005
Bro.
348
00:14:28,039 --> 00:14:30,041
Guys, I'm not
a little person.
349
00:14:30,076 --> 00:14:31,732
MUGSY: What?
What are you talking about?
350
00:14:31,767 --> 00:14:34,735
Well, I'm saying that
I'm not a little person.
351
00:14:34,770 --> 00:14:37,704
You're telling me
you're not a little person?
352
00:14:37,738 --> 00:14:38,774
No!
353
00:14:38,808 --> 00:14:39,982
All right,
well, God damn!
354
00:14:40,017 --> 00:14:41,673
I don't know
what the cutoff is?
I'm sorry.
355
00:14:43,020 --> 00:14:45,401
What the fuck are you doing
in my pool in your underwear?
356
00:14:45,436 --> 00:14:46,747
You said to make
yourselves at home.
357
00:14:46,782 --> 00:14:48,163
Plus, I was sweaty.
358
00:14:48,197 --> 00:14:50,855
I never said anything
remotely like that.
359
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:52,581
God, what the fuck am I
gonna do about this girl?
360
00:14:52,615 --> 00:14:54,583
Tell her you're out of town.
She just saw me!
361
00:14:54,617 --> 00:14:56,102
Then tell her
you're going out of town.
362
00:14:56,136 --> 00:14:58,069
I can't cancel.
363
00:14:58,104 --> 00:15:01,348
She'll know it's 'cause
of her height. Look...
364
00:15:01,383 --> 00:15:02,902
I know what it's like
to have a date cancel
365
00:15:02,936 --> 00:15:05,352
at the last second
based on how you look.
366
00:15:05,387 --> 00:15:06,871
STEVIE:
This is what you do.
367
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:09,218
You go on the date, and when
you're out, you pick a fight.
368
00:15:09,253 --> 00:15:11,048
Right? You won't have to
see her again,
369
00:15:11,082 --> 00:15:14,120
and that way, she won't know
that you're a height-ist.
370
00:15:14,154 --> 00:15:16,018
Okay, yeah, yeah.
Pick a fight like a gentleman.
371
00:15:16,053 --> 00:15:17,986
That could work,
yes, thank you.
372
00:15:18,020 --> 00:15:20,264
MAN: [ON TV]
The Wonder-Chopper,
a blade so sharp,
373
00:15:20,298 --> 00:15:22,162
you'll wonder
what it can't cut.
374
00:15:22,197 --> 00:15:25,786
Garlic, tomatoes,
carrots, potatoes.
If you eat it, the...
375
00:15:25,821 --> 00:15:27,616
How do you guys
watch this crap?
376
00:15:27,650 --> 00:15:28,997
It's a commercial.
377
00:15:29,031 --> 00:15:30,895
You don't even know
what the fuck we're watching.
378
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:33,173
I don't have to.
It's TV. It all sucks.
379
00:15:33,208 --> 00:15:35,935
Oh, does it?
How about Survivor?
380
00:15:35,969 --> 00:15:38,489
And Buddy 'n' Andy.
And why aren't you dressed?
381
00:15:38,523 --> 00:15:40,629
What are you talking about?
You're wearing sweatpants.
382
00:15:40,663 --> 00:15:42,631
I didn't realize
we had a dress code.
383
00:15:42,665 --> 00:15:43,943
No, it's Thursday.
384
00:15:43,977 --> 00:15:45,427
Yeah.
385
00:15:45,461 --> 00:15:47,808
Holy shit.
You promised suicide guy
386
00:15:47,843 --> 00:15:49,293
you'd take him to dinner
and a movie tonight.
387
00:15:49,327 --> 00:15:51,743
So?
It's a guy on a ledge.
388
00:15:51,778 --> 00:15:54,470
You say
whatever you have to.
It's not binding.
389
00:15:54,505 --> 00:15:55,713
Yes, it is.
390
00:15:55,747 --> 00:15:57,577
Besides,
he sounded really nice.
391
00:15:57,611 --> 00:15:59,130
When did you talk to him?
392
00:15:59,165 --> 00:16:01,132
When Ben called him to confirm
your plans for tonight.
393
00:16:01,167 --> 00:16:02,340
How do you even
have his number?
394
00:16:02,375 --> 00:16:04,998
We exchanged numbers,
dude.
395
00:16:05,033 --> 00:16:08,933
That's what you do
after a suicide attempt.
Fuck, man.
396
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,866
All right, so you go
hang out with him.
397
00:16:10,900 --> 00:16:13,282
No, no. Suicide guy
is your friend, not mine.
398
00:16:13,317 --> 00:16:15,181
You're the one who's got him
on speed dial.
399
00:16:15,215 --> 00:16:17,355
Hey, look, the guy
might be a psycho.
400
00:16:17,390 --> 00:16:18,805
I don't want to hang out
with him alone.
401
00:16:18,839 --> 00:16:20,255
Okay.
All right, fine.
402
00:16:20,289 --> 00:16:22,188
You know what?
I'll go with ya.
403
00:16:22,222 --> 00:16:23,258
How's that?
404
00:16:24,052 --> 00:16:25,605
This is
a nice restaurant.
405
00:16:25,639 --> 00:16:27,296
Thank you.
Yeah, no worries.
406
00:16:27,331 --> 00:16:29,678
So who did you vote for?
Pardon?
407
00:16:29,712 --> 00:16:31,921
You a Trumpy, like me?
I love that guy.
408
00:16:31,956 --> 00:16:33,993
He sure does what he says
he's gonna do, huh?
409
00:16:34,959 --> 00:16:36,823
I...guess.
410
00:16:38,204 --> 00:16:40,654
I wish he'd build a wall
at the Canadian border.
411
00:16:40,689 --> 00:16:42,656
Many Canadians are rapists,
too, you know.
412
00:16:43,519 --> 00:16:44,762
You're joking, right?
413
00:16:44,796 --> 00:16:46,108
Oh, no, that's how
I really feel.
414
00:16:46,143 --> 00:16:48,179
I find Canadians to be
really, really sleazy.
415
00:16:49,525 --> 00:16:52,183
Um, hey, what's... What's
your view on arming teachers?
416
00:16:52,873 --> 00:16:53,909
Idiotic.
417
00:16:53,943 --> 00:16:55,462
Oh, idiotic, huh?
418
00:16:55,497 --> 00:16:57,637
Sure, sure.
Bury your head in the sand.
419
00:16:57,671 --> 00:17:00,398
Um...
Oh, hey, what do you think
420
00:17:00,433 --> 00:17:02,538
about this
climate change bullshit?
421
00:17:02,573 --> 00:17:04,230
Why are you
asking me this?
422
00:17:04,264 --> 00:17:06,853
That's how you
get to know a person,
by asking them questions.
423
00:17:07,992 --> 00:17:11,478
And why did you insist
on this table?
424
00:17:11,513 --> 00:17:14,792
In a few seconds,
we're gonna be able to
smell what he ordered.
425
00:17:14,826 --> 00:17:17,553
I'm doing really lousy
on this date, aren't I?
426
00:17:17,588 --> 00:17:18,865
Well, you know,
I totally understand
427
00:17:18,899 --> 00:17:20,556
if you never wanted
to see me again.
428
00:17:22,282 --> 00:17:23,973
Is it just me,
or do you find
that gay people
429
00:17:24,008 --> 00:17:25,561
are getting more
and more uppity?
430
00:17:25,596 --> 00:17:27,563
If you want to end this date,
just say the word.
431
00:17:27,598 --> 00:17:29,600
You don't have to go through
this stupid charade.
432
00:17:29,634 --> 00:17:31,533
It's not a charade.
You think I'm an idiot?
433
00:17:31,567 --> 00:17:33,190
I'm totally fine
with leaving.
434
00:17:33,224 --> 00:17:35,330
I could be home right now,
snuggling with my cat,
435
00:17:35,364 --> 00:17:37,815
watching the Penguins game.
436
00:17:37,849 --> 00:17:39,575
Whoa, whoa, whoa. You like
the Pittsburgh Penguins?
437
00:17:39,610 --> 00:17:41,681
Love 'em.
Oh, my God,
they're my team, too.
438
00:17:41,715 --> 00:17:43,441
Good for you.
No, I...
You don't understand.
439
00:17:43,476 --> 00:17:45,616
I'm obsessed with them.
Of course you are.
440
00:17:45,650 --> 00:17:48,584
Everyone jumped on
the bandwagon once
they started winning again.
441
00:17:48,619 --> 00:17:50,724
I was born in Pittsburgh.
I'm a true fan.
442
00:17:50,759 --> 00:17:52,243
So am I.
443
00:17:52,278 --> 00:17:54,590
I've liked them since they
were absolutely terrible.
444
00:17:54,625 --> 00:17:56,420
Their logo and name
was so ridiculous,
445
00:17:56,454 --> 00:17:58,629
and I like any team
rooted in tragedy.
446
00:17:59,526 --> 00:18:00,734
What do you mean?
447
00:18:00,769 --> 00:18:03,530
Oh, you know, their first
great player, Michel Briere.
448
00:18:03,565 --> 00:18:05,049
He had an awesome
rookie year,
449
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:07,948
and then he got killed
in a car crash right
after the season.
450
00:18:07,983 --> 00:18:10,399
He even scored a playoff
overtime goal that year.
451
00:18:11,573 --> 00:18:12,884
Oh, wow.
452
00:18:12,919 --> 00:18:14,817
Please, please,
please sit back down.
453
00:18:15,266 --> 00:18:17,096
♪♪
454
00:18:19,270 --> 00:18:21,272
Sorry, amigo.
Too late.
455
00:18:22,135 --> 00:18:23,826
Took the wind
out of my sails.
456
00:18:24,448 --> 00:18:25,725
Oh, no. Sorry.
457
00:18:25,759 --> 00:18:26,933
Just...
I'm sorry, Louise.
458
00:18:26,967 --> 00:18:29,556
Just, look,
I know I fucked this up.
459
00:18:29,591 --> 00:18:31,524
I just get so nervous
on first dates,
460
00:18:31,558 --> 00:18:33,353
second and third dates,
too, and...
461
00:18:33,388 --> 00:18:36,184
Could... Could we please
just start this date again?
462
00:18:37,357 --> 00:18:38,393
Please.
463
00:18:40,981 --> 00:18:43,122
Sure.
What the hell?
464
00:18:43,156 --> 00:18:44,537
Oh, thank you.
Thank you so much.
465
00:18:44,571 --> 00:18:46,125
You know what?
I-I-I'm... What I'm gonna do,
466
00:18:46,159 --> 00:18:47,574
I'm gonna go over
to the maitre d',
467
00:18:47,609 --> 00:18:48,989
and I'm gonna make sure
that we get a table
468
00:18:49,024 --> 00:18:50,784
not so close
to the shitter.
469
00:18:50,819 --> 00:18:52,648
Who says
chivalry is dead?
470
00:18:52,683 --> 00:18:54,926
[CHUCKLES]
471
00:18:54,961 --> 00:18:57,136
You said I could choose.
Yeah, but seriously,
472
00:18:57,170 --> 00:18:59,966
nobody wants to see the sequel
to Three Billboards.
473
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:02,279
What?
That was a classic.
474
00:19:02,313 --> 00:19:04,798
Okay, okay, so then,
475
00:19:04,833 --> 00:19:06,835
how come in that
timeless classic
476
00:19:06,869 --> 00:19:08,940
Sam Rockwell's character
throws a guy through a window
477
00:19:08,975 --> 00:19:10,735
and beats him to death
in broad daylight
478
00:19:10,770 --> 00:19:12,358
and doesn't go to prison?
479
00:19:12,392 --> 00:19:14,118
And why does he
run into a fire
480
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:16,638
instead of out of the fire
when the cop station burns?
481
00:19:16,672 --> 00:19:19,468
And why does a cop just take
Peter Dinklage at his word
482
00:19:19,503 --> 00:19:21,988
when he alibis Fran McDormand
for starting the fire?
483
00:19:22,022 --> 00:19:23,783
And why does she dress
like a grease monkey
484
00:19:23,817 --> 00:19:25,543
even though she works
in a gift shop?
485
00:19:25,578 --> 00:19:27,027
And what's the deal
with the bad guy
486
00:19:27,062 --> 00:19:29,098
living in Idaho
and hanging out in Missouri?
487
00:19:29,133 --> 00:19:31,515
Don't even get me started
on Woody's wife.
488
00:19:31,549 --> 00:19:33,172
I thought you were just
a graffiti snob.
489
00:19:34,552 --> 00:19:35,864
You're a movie snob, too.
490
00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:37,624
Yeah, I'm versatile.
491
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:43,906
I can't believe your
all-time favorite Penguin
is Evgeni Malkin, too.
492
00:19:43,941 --> 00:19:46,046
Why? He's incredible!
Yeah, but you know what?
493
00:19:46,081 --> 00:19:48,048
Everybody else says
Crosby or Lemieux.
494
00:19:48,083 --> 00:19:49,705
Well, Geno has a flair
about him
495
00:19:49,740 --> 00:19:51,017
and a cool sense of humor.
496
00:19:51,051 --> 00:19:53,468
Yes, exactly.
He's playful yet dry.
497
00:19:54,572 --> 00:19:57,023
Well, this is me.
498
00:19:57,057 --> 00:19:59,508
Oh, well... I had a really
good time tonight.
499
00:20:00,544 --> 00:20:01,683
Me too.
500
00:20:07,378 --> 00:20:08,517
Good night.
501
00:20:10,899 --> 00:20:12,072
Yeah.
502
00:20:15,179 --> 00:20:16,525
[BEEP]
503
00:20:21,323 --> 00:20:22,738
Fuck!
504
00:20:22,773 --> 00:20:25,534
And then, dude, the part
where Frances McDormand
505
00:20:25,569 --> 00:20:27,087
called the rabbi
a pedophile.
506
00:20:27,122 --> 00:20:29,538
I can't believe
you guys liked that.
507
00:20:29,573 --> 00:20:31,057
Oh, wow,
stop the presses.
508
00:20:31,091 --> 00:20:33,232
Robbie Rotten Tomatoes
didn't like something.
509
00:20:33,266 --> 00:20:35,475
Robbie Rotten Tomatoes.
That's you.
510
00:20:35,510 --> 00:20:39,030
That's great, if you
don't mind a ride on
the plot-hole express.
511
00:20:39,065 --> 00:20:41,585
You are such an asshole,
you know that?
512
00:20:42,275 --> 00:20:44,312
Yes, I do.
513
00:20:44,346 --> 00:20:47,867
Do you have any idea how hard
it is to create anything?
514
00:20:47,901 --> 00:20:51,111
A movie, a song,
a poem on a rock?
515
00:20:51,146 --> 00:20:53,079
I bet you never
created anything
in your whole life.
516
00:20:53,113 --> 00:20:54,425
Well, no, no.
That's not fair.
517
00:20:54,460 --> 00:20:56,116
Actually,
Loudermilk wrote a book.
518
00:20:58,049 --> 00:20:59,223
What, a novel?
519
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:00,742
No, he used to be
a music critic.
520
00:21:00,776 --> 00:21:02,882
He wrote a book about
the worst songs ever written.
521
00:21:03,814 --> 00:21:05,816
Okay.
522
00:21:05,850 --> 00:21:09,440
Okay, now it's all
coming together.
You're a critic!
523
00:21:09,475 --> 00:21:13,099
Every critic was
a failed something.
524
00:21:13,133 --> 00:21:15,066
And the more you scream about
how much everything sucks,
525
00:21:15,101 --> 00:21:16,585
the less of a loser
you feel like.
526
00:21:16,620 --> 00:21:18,829
You don't know what...
Go spray it on a rock.
527
00:21:18,863 --> 00:21:21,383
Wait. You said
he used to be a critic.
528
00:21:21,418 --> 00:21:23,627
What do you do now?
Clean toilets?
529
00:21:23,661 --> 00:21:25,422
No, I don't
clean toilets.
530
00:21:25,456 --> 00:21:27,631
Yeah. He cleans the floors
at the bank.
531
00:21:31,255 --> 00:21:32,463
Wow.
532
00:21:33,637 --> 00:21:34,810
That is pathetic.
533
00:21:35,811 --> 00:21:37,296
I can't believe
I beat you to the ledge.
534
00:21:42,024 --> 00:21:44,164
BEN: Hey, what other
Frances McDormand
movies do you like?
535
00:21:44,958 --> 00:21:46,926
♪♪
536
00:21:47,858 --> 00:21:49,791
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]
537
00:21:49,825 --> 00:21:52,311
Hey, here he comes.
Oh.
538
00:21:52,345 --> 00:21:54,278
Well? You pop
your lip cherry?
539
00:21:54,968 --> 00:21:56,107
Eh, sort of.
540
00:21:56,142 --> 00:21:57,316
What do you mean
"sort of"?
541
00:21:57,350 --> 00:21:58,765
You either did
or you didn't.
542
00:22:00,042 --> 00:22:02,528
I had the best date
of my life last night.
543
00:22:02,562 --> 00:22:04,530
This woman is amazing!
544
00:22:04,564 --> 00:22:07,291
She likes cats and hockey.
545
00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:10,329
I was all set to give her
a kiss, and I... I did this.
546
00:22:12,365 --> 00:22:14,022
Jesus.
547
00:22:14,056 --> 00:22:15,886
You did that?
With her?
548
00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:17,646
Yeah, I know, I know.
It was a wuss move.
549
00:22:17,681 --> 00:22:19,338
And she wanted me
to kiss her.
550
00:22:19,372 --> 00:22:23,203
No, no.
That's like shaking hands
with a bowl of pudding.
551
00:22:23,238 --> 00:22:26,137
Look, I know your hand just
came out of a cast, but damn!
552
00:22:26,172 --> 00:22:28,208
No, no, no, my... My hand's
back at full strength.
553
00:22:28,243 --> 00:22:29,796
Here. Come on,
shake my hand.
554
00:22:32,868 --> 00:22:35,561
Oh, oh, ho! Ho!
555
00:22:35,595 --> 00:22:38,460
That's like a peanut butter
and jelly sandwich
dipped in milk.
556
00:22:38,495 --> 00:22:39,910
That's better.
557
00:22:39,944 --> 00:22:43,120
Well, how come
no one's ever told me
my handshake sucks before?
558
00:22:43,154 --> 00:22:44,639
'Cause they're not
your friends.
559
00:22:45,847 --> 00:22:47,469
And you guys are?
560
00:22:47,504 --> 00:22:48,850
No.
No.
561
00:22:50,334 --> 00:22:53,372
What am I gonna do?
I-I really like this girl.
562
00:22:53,406 --> 00:22:55,581
I don't want her
to just be my first.
563
00:22:55,615 --> 00:22:58,169
I want her
to be more than that.
564
00:22:58,204 --> 00:23:00,033
Tell you broke your hand
jerking off.
565
00:23:00,068 --> 00:23:02,484
Tony,
that's so fucking stupid!
566
00:23:03,071 --> 00:23:04,383
I like this girl.
567
00:23:04,417 --> 00:23:06,385
I don't want to lie
to her anymore.
568
00:23:06,419 --> 00:23:09,491
And she'd never believe
my dick was big enough
to cause breakage.
569
00:23:10,250 --> 00:23:11,700
Would she?
No.
570
00:23:11,735 --> 00:23:13,495
You know what?
I got it. I got it.
571
00:23:13,530 --> 00:23:15,704
Tell her you went to
the batting cages, right?
572
00:23:15,739 --> 00:23:17,706
You were working
on your swing,
and you check it, right?
573
00:23:17,741 --> 00:23:19,190
And you sprained
your hand.
574
00:23:19,225 --> 00:23:21,089
You lost all masculine
hand-shaking power.
575
00:23:21,123 --> 00:23:22,849
Plausible.
Good one.
576
00:23:22,884 --> 00:23:24,713
No, no, that's stupid.
577
00:23:24,748 --> 00:23:26,888
I'm just gonna be straight
with her.
578
00:23:26,922 --> 00:23:28,372
Tell her how I feel.
579
00:23:30,961 --> 00:23:32,514
Show her the real me.
580
00:23:32,549 --> 00:23:35,103
♪ I finally stopped time
581
00:23:36,622 --> 00:23:37,830
♪ So we don't have to...
582
00:23:37,864 --> 00:23:39,314
Learning how to
check your swing
583
00:23:39,348 --> 00:23:40,902
is such an important part
of not striking out,
584
00:23:40,936 --> 00:23:42,697
and even though I don't play
in any leagues right...
585
00:23:42,731 --> 00:23:44,630
Can we please not talk
about this anymore?
586
00:23:44,664 --> 00:23:47,115
Oh, okay, sure.
What do you want
to talk about?
587
00:23:47,978 --> 00:23:49,462
I don't know.
588
00:23:49,497 --> 00:23:53,190
Anything but why
your handshake
is so pathetic.
589
00:23:53,224 --> 00:23:54,709
You think my
handshake's pathetic?
590
00:23:54,743 --> 00:23:58,264
No, you said it was
pathetic, remember?
591
00:23:58,298 --> 00:24:01,301
And for the last 20 minutes,
you've been explaining why.
592
00:24:01,336 --> 00:24:03,580
Okay, so you didn't think
my handshake was pathetic?
593
00:24:03,614 --> 00:24:05,271
I was sure that's why
you ran for the door,
594
00:24:05,305 --> 00:24:07,100
because of
my flaccid handshake.
595
00:24:07,135 --> 00:24:08,895
[LAUGHS] No.
596
00:24:08,930 --> 00:24:10,656
Oh.
Okay, good.
597
00:24:11,933 --> 00:24:13,106
Then why did you run?
598
00:24:14,694 --> 00:24:17,179
Okay, it was
a combination
of that
599
00:24:17,214 --> 00:24:22,530
and the fact that you
kind of choked when
we were gonna kiss.
600
00:24:22,564 --> 00:24:27,293
But then I thought, "So what
if he doesn't have the nuts
to make the first move?"
601
00:24:27,327 --> 00:24:30,227
I mean, in our new world,
a guy initiating anything
602
00:24:30,261 --> 00:24:32,505
is seen as aggressive
or predatory.
603
00:24:32,540 --> 00:24:34,403
Thank you,
Harvey Weinstein.
604
00:24:34,438 --> 00:24:36,026
It's all bullshit, anyway.
605
00:24:36,060 --> 00:24:37,993
Why does the man have to be
the stronger one?
606
00:24:38,028 --> 00:24:39,995
Oh, you are preaching
to the choir, baby.
607
00:24:41,169 --> 00:24:42,446
I'm glad you called.
608
00:24:43,516 --> 00:24:45,311
I've been thinking
about you a lot.
609
00:24:46,174 --> 00:24:47,693
You have?
610
00:24:47,727 --> 00:24:50,454
I-I've been thinking
about you a lot, too.
611
00:24:50,489 --> 00:24:53,526
♪ To have you around
612
00:24:55,701 --> 00:24:59,359
♪ To have you around
613
00:24:59,394 --> 00:25:01,603
Is it okay
if I make the first move?
614
00:25:01,638 --> 00:25:02,777
Oh, God, yes, please.
615
00:25:02,811 --> 00:25:05,124
♪ Her smile is like a beacon
616
00:25:05,158 --> 00:25:10,854
♪ When it lights up, I can
see her for a hundred miles
617
00:25:10,888 --> 00:25:13,339
♪ Her love controls
the seasons
618
00:25:13,373 --> 00:25:19,138
♪ When she's with me, I'm
the weather on a tropic isle
619
00:25:19,172 --> 00:25:21,658
♪♪
620
00:25:21,692 --> 00:25:23,970
♪ Oh, I don't
need much help... ♪
621
00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:30,529
Jesus!
The fuck are you doing up?
622
00:25:30,563 --> 00:25:34,291
I'm staking out the kitchen
to see where you've
been hiding the Ho-Hos.
623
00:25:34,325 --> 00:25:35,326
Success.
624
00:25:39,883 --> 00:25:41,747
That's not really why
you're awake, is it?
625
00:25:41,781 --> 00:25:44,163
No, I just...
I can't go to sleep.
626
00:25:44,197 --> 00:25:46,061
I...
Oh.
627
00:25:46,096 --> 00:25:48,408
I keep thinking about what
your buddy said about critics
628
00:25:48,443 --> 00:25:50,065
and being
failed somethings.
629
00:25:53,172 --> 00:25:54,449
Maybe he's right.
630
00:25:57,970 --> 00:26:00,420
This is the part where you
say something sponsor-y.
631
00:26:03,458 --> 00:26:04,701
Want a half a Ho-Ho?
632
00:26:06,979 --> 00:26:09,222
Well, what do you care
what Suicide Guy says anyway?
633
00:26:09,257 --> 00:26:10,776
I don't.
634
00:26:10,810 --> 00:26:12,191
Unless it's true.
635
00:26:13,572 --> 00:26:15,401
You know,
I started a new book.
636
00:26:15,435 --> 00:26:17,092
Oh, really?
637
00:26:17,127 --> 00:26:20,406
What, a fiction or just
another list of people
and stuff that bugs you?
638
00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:23,858
No, it's a book book.
I've been working on it
a couple of months.
639
00:26:23,892 --> 00:26:25,722
I got
a terrific first line.
640
00:26:25,756 --> 00:26:26,723
Hmm.
641
00:26:28,103 --> 00:26:29,898
"If you've ever
almost killed your wife
642
00:26:29,933 --> 00:26:32,729
"in a drunken,
bloody car wreck, read on."
643
00:26:34,454 --> 00:26:36,560
That's...
644
00:26:36,595 --> 00:26:38,251
Great.
645
00:26:38,286 --> 00:26:39,874
Why'd you pause
before "great"?
646
00:26:39,908 --> 00:26:41,910
No, that was a...
That was a Ho-Ho burp.
647
00:26:41,945 --> 00:26:43,291
I actually think
that's really great.
648
00:26:43,325 --> 00:26:45,120
Yeah, thanks.
That's all I have, though.
649
00:26:45,155 --> 00:26:47,122
I can't get past
the second sentence.
650
00:26:48,503 --> 00:26:49,608
You know?
651
00:26:51,679 --> 00:26:55,130
It's... When I was writing
reviews, it was different,
okay?
652
00:26:55,165 --> 00:26:56,925
'Cause I would just
respond to something,
653
00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:59,100
and it was either good
or it was shit,
654
00:26:59,134 --> 00:27:01,136
and that's all
I had to say was which one.
655
00:27:01,171 --> 00:27:03,622
Fucking things
wrote themselves.
656
00:27:03,656 --> 00:27:06,279
But with this, I don't know
what I'm responding to
657
00:27:06,314 --> 00:27:08,143
except whatever
comes into my head,
658
00:27:08,178 --> 00:27:10,767
and everything that comes
into my head is shit.
659
00:27:10,801 --> 00:27:12,803
I-I can't delete it
fast enough.
660
00:27:14,149 --> 00:27:15,979
Well, maybe you should
leave it for a while.
661
00:27:18,257 --> 00:27:19,430
Huh?
662
00:27:20,846 --> 00:27:24,573
You know, it's like, um,
the music that you love,
right?
663
00:27:24,608 --> 00:27:26,127
Those artists
don't just make some shit
664
00:27:26,161 --> 00:27:27,991
and it's perfect,
and then off they go with it.
665
00:27:28,025 --> 00:27:29,544
You know, they make
some shit, and it's shitty,
666
00:27:29,578 --> 00:27:31,477
so they leave it there,
and they work
on something else.
667
00:27:31,511 --> 00:27:34,135
And meanwhile, this shit
sort of starts to make
some more sense,
668
00:27:34,169 --> 00:27:36,655
and then by the time they're
working on this new shit,
669
00:27:36,689 --> 00:27:39,761
the old shit's ready,
you know, 'cause it's shit,
so it fertilizes itself.
670
00:27:39,796 --> 00:27:41,418
And you take the old shit
and the new shit,
671
00:27:41,452 --> 00:27:44,041
and pretty soon, you know, you
got this... This ball of shit,
672
00:27:44,076 --> 00:27:48,528
and that's all art really is,
is just working on some shit
until it gets less...
673
00:27:49,529 --> 00:27:50,634
Shitty.
674
00:27:52,153 --> 00:27:54,155
Huh.
675
00:27:54,189 --> 00:27:56,847
Yeah, that's...
Yeah. Yeah.
676
00:27:56,882 --> 00:27:58,677
I think you're right.
That's...
677
00:27:59,539 --> 00:28:01,334
Not at all what I do,
you know?
678
00:28:01,369 --> 00:28:04,786
I fucking look at it
and blast the hell out of it
679
00:28:04,821 --> 00:28:06,685
as soon as it hits the page.
680
00:28:06,719 --> 00:28:08,203
What I got to do
is get out of my head,
681
00:28:08,238 --> 00:28:10,999
stop being so God damn
precious about it.
682
00:28:11,034 --> 00:28:14,244
Well, if you ask me,
I think that's it right there.
683
00:28:14,278 --> 00:28:17,109
But, regardless, probably
be a good idea
684
00:28:17,143 --> 00:28:19,698
for you to stay up
all night in the dark
beating yourself up
685
00:28:19,732 --> 00:28:21,492
about beating yourself up
about it.
686
00:28:21,527 --> 00:28:23,563
I'll get the light for you.
[LIGHT SWITCH CLICKS]
687
00:28:23,598 --> 00:28:25,738
Good night.
Good night.
688
00:28:25,773 --> 00:28:28,120
[UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]
689
00:28:28,154 --> 00:28:30,432
♪♪
690
00:28:34,747 --> 00:28:36,887
♪ He looks over his shoulder
691
00:28:36,922 --> 00:28:39,096
♪ Fears of getting older
692
00:28:39,131 --> 00:28:41,340
♪ She says, "Oh, come over"
693
00:28:41,374 --> 00:28:43,549
♪ "Come a little closer"
694
00:28:43,583 --> 00:28:45,724
♪ He looks out the window
695
00:28:45,758 --> 00:28:47,553
♪ Tears fall as the wind blows
696
00:28:47,587 --> 00:28:50,211
♪ Step off into a frenzy
697
00:28:50,245 --> 00:28:52,454
♪ Isn't love worth plenty?
698
00:28:52,489 --> 00:28:56,079
♪ Oh, no more crying
699
00:28:56,113 --> 00:28:58,253
♪ No more crying
700
00:28:58,288 --> 00:29:00,048
♪ No more crying
701
00:29:00,083 --> 00:29:02,533
♪ No more crying
702
00:29:02,568 --> 00:29:04,708
♪♪
703
00:29:09,955 --> 00:29:12,198
♪ Now his heart beats faster
704
00:29:12,233 --> 00:29:14,407
♪ Knows he won't outlast her
705
00:29:14,442 --> 00:29:16,789
♪ She sits by the window
706
00:29:16,824 --> 00:29:18,515
♪ Lets all of the pain go ♪
707
00:29:18,549 --> 00:29:19,758
♪♪
52727
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