Original subtitles

(water gurgling)

(water gurgling)

(water splashing)

(water splashing)

(water splashing)

(water splashing)

(water splashing)

(water splashing)

[Breathing]

(grunting)

(birds chirping)

(heavy breathing)

(grunting)

(panting)

(panting)

(panting)

(moaning)

(moaning)

(moaning)

(moaning)

(grunting)

(panting)

(panting)

(panting)

Your loneliness is your burden. You have enough to live alone, you are looking for the ideal partner.

Agency 2 and 2 can help you find the other, the soul mate.

(upbeat music)

♪ Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ♪

♪ Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ♪

Monsieur, en réponse à votre lettre reçue ce jour, nous avons l'honneur de vous informer

que nous effectuons actuellement des recherches afin de trouver...

Entrez!

- Bonjour, monsieur! - Et vous?

Toujours heureux d'accueillir une nouvelle cliente.

Pour nous aider, pourriez-vous nous remplir une petite fiche?

- Mais certainement! - Voilà.

- Ah! Oui! Ah! Ah! - S'il vous plaît.

Madame la directrice! Madame la directrice! Madame la directrice!

Monsieur Claude n'est pas content. On vous entend jure du bureau.

Faudra plus discret. Allez, viens. Viens un peu mettre la main à la patte.

Une employée bien baisée est une employée efficace.

Tu me rappelles de ce jour, mon chéri? Ah oui!

(people murmuring)

(people murmuring)

(speaking in foreign language)

(speaking in foreign language)

(speaking in foreign language)

(speaking in a foreign language)

(speaking in a foreign language)

(gentle music)

(speaking in foreign language)

- 88.

- Bien sûr, on vous trouvera un gentil garçon,

mais question de compléter l'affiche,

aimez-vous les femmes?

- Bah, je suppose.

- Si un partenaire vous demandait de vous sodomiser,

accepteriez-vous?

- Bah, je sais pas, j'ai jamais essayé, mais...

mais pareil, c'est super.

- Une petite fantaisie, Jean, vibrons la sœur,

double télépression, ça ne vous gênerait pas?

- Oh, là, là!

- Bon, ce sera tout.

Vous...

- Monsieur, on vous a aidé, hein?

- Très bien.

Bien sûr, nous allons vous trouver l'oiseau rare.

Nous allons mettre l'ordinateur en roule.

Vous aurez de nouvelles d'ici peu.

- D'accord.

- Oh!

- Oh!

(moaning)

(moaning)

We have some work to do.

(panting)

(woman moaning)

(woman moaning)

(grunting)

(speaking in foreign language)

It's pretty, isn't it?

I like it, boss.

Minute isn't for you. She's almost a virgin.

Hey, by the way, yesterday's client, Klavier...

I think he'll do the job, right?

He likes the loopholes.

That's right. Excellent idea.

Show me, show me.

Not bad. Not bad.

(gentle music)

(speaking in foreign language)

Oh! How nice of you!

My name is Xavier. The agent who sent me.

- The famous agent? - Yes.

Oh, you're so nice!

Well, I wanted to see what a nice person looked like

when they were on a computer sheet.

It's funny, their computer stuff.

- Yes. - Huh?

But it's a judicious thing, I think.

- You think so? - Yes, I think so.

- May I sit down? - Go ahead.

- Would you like to drink something? - With pleasure, yes.

Oh, I'm out of glasses. I'll get one. Wait.

No, no, no. Please, I'll drink the same glass as you.

- Really? - Yes.

- Here. - After you.

I'll read your thoughts.

- Thank you. - It's refreshing to have this kind of heat.

- Are you comfortable here? - Yes.

- Do you like the space? - Yes, it's great.

- Do you do gardening from time to time? - I do everything myself.

That's why I put on my salopette, by the way.

- I do everything myself. - But it's a beautiful salopette.

- Do you want to find it? - Ah!

- It's very practical. - Yes, it smells good.

Yes, we can't say.

Oh, you're so cute.

They're fans of your roses.

[Silence]

Your file tells me you're a virgin.

Well, yes.

Really?

Yes.

That's good, I'm a bull.

[Laughter]

You're funny.

It depends on the day.

Really?

Today I'm sentimental.

I like funny and sentimental people.

So we're made for each other.

[Silence]

(birds chirping)

(birds chirping)

(speaking in foreign language)

(groaning)

(speaking in foreign language)

I'll warm you up

What are you doing to me?

Shouldn't I stay with you too?

Later

Why later?

I want to give you a solitary pleasure

Over there

Oh, that's good!

(grunting)

(grunting)

Hmm. Oh, we... Oh, we...

(upbeat music)

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[MUSIC]

(soft music)

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♪ (upbeat music)

(yawning)

♪ (whimpering)

Oh, there you go.

Come on.

♪ (whimsical music)

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

♪ (whimsical music)

♪ (whimsical music)

Oh, it won't go, it won't go, it won't go, it won't go.

♪ (whimsical music)

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

♪ (whimsical music)

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

♪ (whimsical music)

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

♪ (whimsical music)

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh.

[MUSIC]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

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[MUSIC]

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[music]

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[music]

Oh, vanilla. Oh, wait.

Oh, vanilla. Oh, wait.

The nail. Oh, wait.

(grunting)

(grunting)

(grunting)

(grunting)

(groaning)

(speaking in foreign language)

(grunting)

(grunting)

(grunting)

(grunting)

(rhythmic drumming)

(upbeat music)

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[MUSIC]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[music]

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(uptempo percussive music)

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(rhythmic drumming)

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(panting)

(panting)

[Groaning]

(upbeat music)

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[Music]

[music]

(flute music)

[music]

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

- Oh! - Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God. - Oh!

Come with us, dear children, don't leave us alone.

Come, my dears.

- Are you going? - Yes.

(upbeat jazz music)

(speaking in foreign language)

- Oh my goodness.

(speaking in foreign language)

(speaking in foreign language)

(upbeat music)

(upbeat jazz music)

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[music]

[speaking in French]

[music]

[MUSIC]

(upbeat music)

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(upbeat music)

(speaking in foreign language)

(speaking in foreign language)

[MEN GROANING]

(speaking in foreign language)

(woman screams)

(speaking in foreign language)

(speaking in foreign language)

Oh, like that, yes.

- Yes. - Oh, yes.

- Ah, where is it? - Ah, yes.

- It's good, the children. - Oh, yes.

- Oh, yes. - As you go on.

- Oh, how beautiful it is. - Oh, yes.

Oh, how beautiful it is.

Oh, yes.

[grunting]

[Groaning]

[Groaning]

[Groaning]

(Groaning)

(speaking in French)

- Oh, shit. - That's the boomerang.

- Oh. - It's over there.

- Oui. Oui. - Oh, shit.

- Oh. - Mm.

- Oui. Oui. - Oh, shit.

- Ah! Ah! - Ah!

- Uh-oh. - Oh.

- Oh, shit. - Oui. Oui.

- Oh, no. Look out! - Ah!

(Groaning)

(panting)

(speaking in foreign language)

(speaking in foreign language)

(speaking in foreign language)

(speaking in foreign language)

(groaning)

(speaking in foreign language)

(groaning)

(groaning)

Oh, my God.

The crazier we get, the more we play.

Well, children, in the end, it's not bad.

I like it.

- And you, Xavier. - Oh, yes.

A lot, huh, Barbara?

Yes, continue.

Oh, yes.

Yes, it's good.

Yes.

Oh.

Oh.

Yes, yes. Continue, continue.

Oh.

All excited, huh?

Oh, yes.

(woman moans)

(woman moans)

(woman moans)

(woman moans)

(mysterious music)

(speaking in foreign language)

(gentle music)

(speaking in foreign language)

(speaking in foreign language)

(speaking in foreign language)

(speaking in foreign language)

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.

What?

It's okay.

What?

♪ (soft melancholy music)

(speaking in French)

(knocking on door)

(speaking in French)

(speaking in foreign language)

(speaking in foreign language)

Well, yes, because I like Barbara.

But Barbara doesn't fit your hobbies.

I gave you a virgin and a bull. That's not possible.

I prefer bulls over virgins.

No, sir. There are data that must be...

When we take parts,

we see certain characteristics that must match.

Yours doesn't match Barbara's.

I understand. It may match your computer,

but it doesn't match my feelings.

The computer is programmed in advance. It's impossible.

You're the one who says so.

- Will you arrange a divorce? - Impossible.

Find me a lawyer, do something...

You'll never be happy with Barbara. It's ephemeral.

- It won't last. - But why?

- It's impossible. - Yes, it'll work.

- It's fine. - It'll work very well.

I'll talk to my lawyer, but you won't be happy with Barbara.

You'll really regret it.

I don't think so.

Regret me?

(ominous music)

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[GROANING]

[GROANING]

[GROANING]

(moaning)

(moaning)

(moaning)

(moaning)

(moaning)

(moans)

Yes.

- There, I understand. - Oh, yes.

- Can you feel me? - Yes, I can feel you.

Yes. Yes!

Oh, that's good.

- I'll take care of you. - Yes.

- Do you want to? - Oh, yes.

- I'll hold you. - Yes.

- Yes, carefully. - Yes.

- Yes. - Yes.

- Oh, you're tight. - Oh, yes.

- Yes, you're tight, you're a little tight. - Oh, yes.

[grunting]

(panting)

(speaking in foreign language)

(groaning)

(grunting)

(groaning)

(Groaning)

(Ruby panting)

(Ruby speaking foreign language)

(Ruby speaking foreign language)

(Ruby speaking foreign language)

(Ruby speaking foreign language)

(Ruby breathing heavily)

[Groaning in pain]

[Groaning in pain continues]

[Groaning in pain continues]

[Music plays]

[Speaks French]

[Speaks French]

[Speaks French]

[Speaks French]

[Speaks French]

[Speaks French]

I was very happy when you came the other day.

It was wonderful. I told you it was ephemeral.

Yes, but I believed it.

You'll find someone else and it'll start all over again.

Your computer will do things this time.

But he didn't make a mistake.

He made a mistake because I'm asking you to reorganize something.

He never told you this person was destined.

All the affinities didn't match. That's why you're here today.

I trust you. Put a card back in your computer and we'll start all over again.

That's fine. You want to start all over again?

All right. Number five.

Number five!

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

[HORN BLOWING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[HORN BLOWING]

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

Mmm.

(birds chirping)

(speaking in foreign language)

(birds chirping)

(birds chirping)

(speaking in foreign language)

Do you want to come?

We're so happy.

Let's get out of my bed.

We're so happy.

The sun is so nice.

Look who's coming.

Hello.

So Barbara, how are you?

Hello, how are you?

I'm fine.

Xavier?

Hello.

Hello Barbara, how are you?

Very well.

Hello.

I know you have a wonderful wife.

Hello.

She's fantastic.

Well, mine is not as nice as yours.

I know it's really beautiful at your place.

Yes.

The beautiful sun today.

Very pleasant.

I suggest we take a little bath.

Why not?

I don't know.

What do you think?

Yes?

I'll show you an example.

Do you want to undress, honey?

All of her hair?

All of her hair.

[music]

[music]

[speaking in French]

[music]

[MUSIC]

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[music]

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[music]

[grunting]

[heavy breathing]

[heavy breathing]

[heavy breathing]

[birds chirping]

[heavy breathing]

[heavy breathing]

[heavy breathing]

[heavy breathing]

[heavy breathing]

[heavy breathing]

[heavy breathing]

[heavy breathing]

[heavy breathing]

Come on, come on.

- Did you see that? - Yes.

- Did you see what he did? - Yes.

What is he doing?

I'm going to ask him to do that too.

Hmm?

(Groaning)

(groaning)

(Groaning)

(groaning)

(grunting)

(groaning)

(groaning)

(panting)

(grunting)

(grunting)

(grunting)

(grunting)

(grunting)

(grunting)

(grunting)

[grunting and gasping for breath]

[grunting and gasping for breath]

[grunting and gasping for breath]

[breathing heavily]

[moaning]

[moaning]

[roaring]

[music plays]

[music plays]

You can try this method too?

Yes.

He seems to be tired.

[MUSIC]

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♪ (upbeat music)

(train whistle blows)

♪ (upbeat music)

- Ah! Ah!

- Wee!

- Ah, smelly! - Ah, wee!

(speaking in French)

[music playing]

(speaking in foreign language)

You're going to die, sweet one.

That's good, isn't it?

Yes.

It's hard, isn't it?

Yes, do it again.

Oh, come on!

Come on!

Come on!

You're going to die!

Again!

You're going to die!

Come on!

You're going to die!

You're going to die!

You're going to die!

You're going to die!

Oh, come on!

(Groaning)

(groaning)

[GASPING]

[GROANING]

Sam.

[GROANING]

Sam.

[GROANING]

(groaning)

(grunting)

(groaning)

(groaning)

♪ (eerie music)

- Ah!

(water splashing)

(laughing)

(speaking in French)

♪ (eerie music)

♪ (eerie music)

(screaming)

♪ (eerie music)

(laughing)

♪ (eerie music)

- You again? - Yes.

- And me again. - What's going on?

Your computer must be mistaken.

The computer never makes mistakes.

It's a proof. I don't like Barbara anymore.

- And now I like Keiko. - Really?

Japanese love. Wonderful. So you're going to arrange something.

A quick divorce with Barbara.

No, it's impossible. It's impossible.

The first thing we did with the computer was the right thing to do.

I told you the second time you came to see me.

You wouldn't be happy with Barbara.

- There's the best proof. - Impossible.

Of course it's possible. Isn't that right, Fécile?

Fécile. What's that?

My wife.

Oh, Fécile!

- Now you're a real couple. - Oh, really?

The computer never makes mistakes.

(gentle music)

(gentle music)

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