Original subtitles

July 29th. Dear doctor, the natives are restless again tonight.

For God's sake, help us or the devil will take us all. The lake has become

infested with a plague of diabolical mosquitoes.

According to the natives, it is a periodic visitation of a species of

they call the lovebiter.

This apparently innocuous name barely hints at the...

consequences of the bite of this dreadful insect.

The victim almost immediately becomes overwhelmed by irrepressible

sexual urges, during which time he or she revels in the most active and

shameless lust, which is absolutely promiscuous. The impact on family and

life is shattering. No one is safe.

Even my most respected church members have relapsed into pagan lechery because

of the demon from the pit.

I myself lie awake at night, listening in fear and trembling in case one of the

foul creatures has found its way through the mosquito netting and is about to

bite either me or, God help us, my dear, sweet, innocent daughter.

Oh my God, what are you doing? What are you doing?

poor misguided soul.

You misguided savage. Don't do that to her. Don't do it.

For God's sake, let her alone.

Do that to her, you misguided savage.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Thank you.

The worst has happened.

While writing these words, one of our fine young native men, inflamed by

hideous passion, satiated his insane lust by raping my innocent prudence.

Despite her fiercest resistance, the poor child is beside herself with grief

her lost honor. Here with a sample of lake water where this abomination

Not even Pharaoh and his Egyptians were visited by a more hideous plague.

Find us an antidote to this bite. I beseech you, your friend in desperate

Mortimer Stanley.

All right, but it's not one of the 2 ,000 known to science.

Hmm.

Every mosquito species has its own frequency of wing beats.

This little instrument, well, it can differentiate between one species and

another up to a distance of one mile. A little invention of mine.

Huh.

Yes, there's no doubt about it. That's an entirely new species.

Oh, doctor, you'll be famous.

Yes, oh, yes.

Now, what shall I name you, my mischievous little friend, eh?

Ah, I have it.

Culex cupidensis.

Oh, doctor, that's so beautiful.

Yes. But what does it mean?

Well, it means cupid's mosquito.

You mean like the little fat babies that...

Run around shooting arrows in people's bottoms?

Make them fall in love?

Precisely. Now, I need to get our little discovery under the microscope.

Beaker nurse.

Beaker nurse.

Thank you.

Come here, you little bugger.

Nice day, isn't it?

This is half.

So beautiful.

Oh,

my God.

No, no.

Let me pray.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

real sweat, real sweat.

You want me to?

You want me to?

Oh, you want me to come in your face.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, put it in your mouth.

Oh, yeah.

Big enough in there.

You like it?

Yeah? I love you.

Oh,

my God.

Please.

What's he doing up there?

Yeah, put it down. Put it down.

Yeah.

Put it down. Oh, yeah.

Get it, Joe.

You did it so good.

Real fast.

I'll tell you before I do.

You're tough. Real

fast.

Real fast. Real fast. Real fast.

It's got to be around here somewhere.

As chairman of the Moore Morality Incorporated, I would like to welcome

you fine young delegates from Moore Morality chapters all over this

country, which is at present turning back to decency and respectability.

Your effort.

to aid in the growing movement to sweep this nation clean of the filth that is

corrupting the moral fiber of this country, we'll earn for you an honored

in that shining city on a hill that we are building together.

So without further ado, I would like

for you to present your reports.

Cheryl.

Cheryl Mayflower, Boondock, Minnesota.

Mr. Prude, my fellow delegates.

Boondock was a crystal clear pond of untarnished morality until

our local liquor store started selling those pornographic rags,

euphemistically titled men's magazines.

It just took a few days for these satanic publications to sow the seeds of

unbridled lust in our little community.

Life -swapping at the PTA?

Indecent exposure at our local movie theater?

The final straw came when the church organist discovered the

deacon, the deacon, no less, playing with himself while viewing a smutty

centerfold. in the church vestry.

Well, due to outraged public opinion, we have been able to

have the city council pass an ordinance banning all such publications from our

community.

Thank you.

Thank you, Cheryl, and congratulations for your efforts.

Margaret.

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Margaret Argo, and I am

representing Lynch, Virginia.

In collaboration with certain feminist organizations, we are at present

petitioning the city council to pass an ordinance declaring pornography to be a

violation of women's civil rights.

Pornography is defined as anything which demeans, degrades, or disgusts any

woman, or which women don't like for any reason whatsoever.

In terms of that ordinance, any woman who is offended by pornography may sue

pornographer for infringements of her civil rights for amounts up to $100

Mr. Chairman, my fellow delegates, I can assure you we are going to collect a

fortune from those dirty, immoral, chauvinistic pigs.

A brilliant inspiration, Margaret.

We're going to use the wages of sin to pay for our enormous overhead.

Our Lear jets and our fleet of limos.

Heck, you've just discovered the best darn way of making money since the

invention of the printing press.

Very good.

I didn't know you'd be here.

Oh, I love you.

I think I always have.

Like the Romans.

We're at a Roman orgy.

I'm Nero, your best friend.

Welcome to my home.

Oh, you're most welcome.

Most welcome.

Hmm.

Thank you

Oh. Oh.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, yes.

It's headed back to the laboratory.

But why, Doctor?

Wait a minute.

Picking up more wing beats on the same frequency.

Of course.

The rest of the eggs are hatching.

Our mosquito is going courting.

I'm going to take her alive.

Come here, my shady lady.

Ouch!

Doctor, are you okay?

Take notes, nurse.

Quick!

Uh... Immediate sensations.

Sharp pain.

Fallen by an intensive itching.

Which indicates that a very powerful toxin has been injected.

All right, subsequent symptoms.

Uh...

Achycardia. Elevation of the blood pressure.

Oh, a pounding in the temples.

Butterflies in the stomach.

Followed by a tingling in the spine and the

extremities.

Oh, nurse.

Oh, doctor.

Oh, nurse.

Oh, doctor.

Oh, nurse.

Oh, doctor.

Miraculous. It's an exotic transport.

Eureka. A discovery.

The riddle of the ages.

Solved.

One tiny injection, perhaps just a microgram of toxin, and a sober, even a

man like myself, transformed into a satyr. Oh, God.

Isolate the ingredients.

Patent it.

I'll win the Nobel Prize.

Impotent potentates.

Celibate celebrities.

Millionaires who can't cut the mustard anymore.

Why? They'd pay millions.

Millions. They'd pay billions.

Billions. Wealth beyond imagination.

Spend a single night with hundreds of women.

Hundreds.

All the women in creation standing in a line that goes around the world

waiting for me.

For you.

Oh, my God.

Oh, nurse.

Oh.

Boom.

I'm a new man.

Let me give you a setting, okay?

With a setting?

Red!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Hello, fire department?

Oh, no.

FBI. FBI, yeah.

Operator? Operator, get me the FBI and hurry, please.

Hello, FBI?

Oh, geez.

CIA? CIA?

Operator, this is an emergency. Get me the CIA immediately. Please, hurry.