All language subtitles for 11 B.S. Elliot_cleaned

This is speed limit
in this statement, Tinex.

45 miles an hour.

How fast is that going, Ozzy?

I'd say around 90.

Suppose you get down off
your motorcycle, give me a ticket.

Suppose I let you off
for the warning this time.

Suppose it doesn't take.

Suppose I have to
whack you over the knuckles.

Suppose you're better
over the back of the chair now.

You too.

I guess I usually am.

Same chair, same perfume, same anklet.

Same bad wig, same boneyard.

I wonder if you want.

Shh.

Shh.

Look, pal, we're just trying
to watch the movie, okay?

Just ignore him fine.

Excuse me?

Excuse me?

Sorry, Martin.

Martin.

Martin.

Fuck you, Martin.

All right, asshole.

Oh, my God.

It's Elliot's turn.

It's Elliot Stern's, the Elliot Stern's.

Who?

One of the greatest
natural wonders in America.

One of the mightiest
spectacles in the world.

A shallow land, the crematorium.

He's one of the greatest living novelists.

He's one of the
greatest living assholes.

Come on, guys.

I'll be right back.

You're the jam and you know it.

As you, all they want is my money.

See you.

I've always loved your work.

Shh.

I wonder if I know anything.

What?

That tears it.

It wasn't so much prison, my mind.

It was not getting laid
for two and a half years.

Martin, I've got an
early morning tomorrow.

I've got to get home.

Okay, okay.

I'll call you.

You know?

Great.

I can't tell you what
a thrill it is to meet you.

I mean, your work has always
been such an inspiration to me.

Are you a writer, Martin?

Well, sort of.

I mean, it's always been a dream of mine.

Of course, I've never
actually finished anything.

You are being exceedingly modest.

Yes.

Yes, I'm a writer.

I hate writers.

Well, I'm really more of an editor.

Really?

Which house?

Whitestone.

We're a small, up-and-coming boutique.

Oh, that's the one who does
those wretched romance novels.

That's us.

So, what have you been doing lately?

I'm teaching a fiction
seminar at the university.

I've got a few pages of a new
novel I've been working on.

Would you like to see them?

Oh, my God.

Really?

It would be such an honor, you know.

I mean, just to see your pages.

You can look at the pages, Martin.

But stop blowing sunshine up my arse.

Okay.

Gibby, you are going to love me.

I've always loved you, Marty.

I thought you knew that.

What would you say if I told
you I could get us the first novel in 12

years by... ...Elliott Stearns?

Not interested.

What?

Not interested.

Oh, sure, he used to be something.

He knew how to write a
hell of a fuck scene he did.

But he's old fish now, Marty.

It's all dried up.

A drunken syphilitic has been.

Oh, come on.

Some of us are trying to eat here.

He showed me his first chapter, Gibby.

I mean, it was incredible.

No.

Sorry.

Too risky.

Everybody knows he's impossible.

Whose office is this?

Gibby, when I was 17,
I read "A Shallow Land."

I didn't talk to my parents
for three weeks, you know.

I mean, it totally changed my life.

Now, what is it going to take
for you to let me do this book?

You could guarantee his
advance against your salary.

Oh.

Right.

Oh, thanks for the anecdote
about your formative years.

So what?

So somebody put a
whammy on this world dream.

I'll do it.

What a gigantic set of
testicles you have, Marty.

You got your book.

Now, this here is your love line.

Here?

What's it say?

Sorry, I'm late.

My goodness, it wraps clear
around to the back of your hand.

You have a lot of love in you.

That's true.

Most people don't see that in me.

Toby, do you think you could --
Hey, we're doing something here.

You were saying?

This pet will be.

Why don't we continue this at another time?

Any time, you sir.

Did you ever see eyes so blue?

Only in cartoons.

Okay.

So, where do we start?

Here's a good place to look.

No.

No, thank you.

But that's a beautiful flask.

Thank you.

It was a gift from Mr. Ernest Hemingway
when I was a few years younger than

you are now.

Just after he bought me my first tour.

Hemingway, huh?

Well, maybe just a sip.

This may be the biggest
thing that's ever happened.

What is that?

Absar.

Tasty, isn't it?

But go carefully.

Apparently it causes paralysis.

Well, I have to tell you, I
thought your pages were terrific.

You know, I really -- I can't
wait to see where it goes next.

Neither can I.

There is no cause for laughter
and there is reason to be angry.

Oh.

Do you have a direction in mind?

To be honest, Martin.

I've been staring at those
pages for the last 12 years.

And I haven't got a clue.

Get out there and do something.

Well, I may be way
out of line here, but while

I was reading it, you
know, I had a thought.

Well, go ahead and be my guest.

Well, I just
thought -- and I'm sure

this has occurred to
you already, you know.

But what if Sean and Colin were brothers?

Brothers?

Oh, I like that.

Oh, that has a kind of
a twist to it, doesn't it?

A sort of resonance.

You should be very proud of yourself.

Then the fight at the beginning
becomes -- Indeed, indeed.

And when they get separated?

Of course.

And the woman? The woman at the funeral?

Could be Kathleen.

Well -- Martin,
this is so exciting.

Damn, I've got an 11 o'clock seminar.

Martin, we've got to get
some of these ideas on paper.

Do me a favor.

Jot it all down.

And anything else that comes
to mind, I can't wait to tear into it.

Great.

I'll get them to you as soon as I can.

Martin, I haven't been so inspired
since I wrote "To Shallow Land" in my

mother's attic.

Wow.

Thank you.

It is good to a small type
of piece with good companions.

It is good for all blue beavers.

It is good for all blue beavers.

Him friend to all blue beavers.

Your pages are set.

Elliot?

You expect me to sleep
after reading this garbage?

What are you talking about?

I mean, this is what we discussed, right?

Yesterday, you liked everything I said.

Ah.

But then you had to go and write it down.

It's like you get everything
you know from television.

I don't know where
you got an idea like that.

You've got the poison fingers, Martin.

I can't work for this.

It wasn't totally fleshed out.

Well, maybe you
better flesh it out then.

I'm sorry.

I expect more from my editor, Martin.

Some place you got here.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I've, uh, I've had it for years.

It's a coffin.

Pardon me?

Why don't you
put some handles

on it and you can
lower it into the ground.

Well, it is rent stabilized.

No wonder you never made it as a writer.

No wonder you never finished anything.

Why don't you just
take the whole bottle?

No, that'll do.

Martin, Martin, Martin, what
are we going to do with you?

I don't know that we
need to do anything with me.

I think I'm doing just fine.

Of course you are.

But I want so much more for you.

I want your life to be full of passion.

I'm talking about grabbing this
whole fucking planet by the balls

and saying, "Fuck you planet, I exist!"

Have you ever done that?

Not in so many words, no.

Ha ha.

Martin, I'm going to teach you to live.

I'm going to teach
you what it takes to

be a writer, like
Mr. Hemingway taught me.

Really?

Martin, I'm going to get you
out of here, out of this apartment,

out of this city, out of New York.

Last place.

I should have brought my tattoo.

Why do you have it?

I guess I'll get a glass of milk.

Why?

That's good.

Shall I ride, please?

No, you're done.

We'll get the whole bottle.

Put it over there.

What the hell?

I'll take the whole bottle.

That'll be 70 bucks.

Take credit cards?

Cash will be fine.

Goodness of squeeze, baby.

Fuck you, Elliot.

But if you're interested,
I got a mattress in the back.

I'd pass that one up if I were you.

I already have a mattress.

Thank you.

You're not entering
into the spirit of things.

Ah, dear, have a drink.

No.

All the way down.

You can't spatch as
you can, though, at all.

What do you say?

Another?

Thank you.

That was so nice that
you was eating your own cake.

Buy me another drink.

She's got another drink.

Excuse me.

Excuse me, sir.

I'll have with Tequila.

All right.

Sorry.

We were just having some fun.

Martin, don't be afraid.

This is what life's about.

Drinking and pouring and
sinning in some asshole's face.

There are consequences so much the better.

Ellie, Ellie, this
guy could hurt us a lot.

I know.

That's why you must get drunk first.

Have a Tequila.

Have a Tequila.

Have a taste.

He's from another country, you know?

He doesn't know what he's doing.

He's deranged.

There you little fucker.

Whoa.

That was living contact
flesh against flesh.

I didn't even land a punch.

How did it get to your feet
a lot longer than I expected?

I did, didn't I?

And the evening wasn't a total loss.

During the fracas, I grabbed these.

Oops.

Here.

On we go.

Ah, Martin.

Tonight was something, huh?

It was something.

You really impressed me, Martin.

You drank like a writer.

You fought like a writer.

You puked like a writer.

Now it's time for you
to fight like a writer.

I couldn't be sick right now if I tried.

Get away from me, you son of a bitch.

Calm down.

Who the hell do you think you are?

All right.

Stay right there.

Calm down.

Don't move.

Hey.

Stand back, Martin.

I got a clear shot at him.

Toby, what are you doing?

That pervert tried to attack me.

I was only saying hello.

I'm sure it was just some
sort of misunderstanding.

It's hard to misunderstand
the hand up your skirt.

Okay, okay.

That's enough.

That's enough.

Now why don't we get to work?

Toby, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Look, if you get a chance, I
think we could use some coffee.

I think we could
use a restraining order.

What the hell were you thinking?

That if I just got my hand up
her skirt, the rest would be a snap.

I think we're going
to have a little trouble.

All right.

All right, Elliot, what
have you got for me?

Martin, it's not exactly an estate.

Elliot, this is no good.

This is no good.

I've been giving you chapter after chapter.

You wanted an outline.

I gave you an outline.

You wanted more detail.

I gave you more detail,
but I've been doing

everything but the
fucking punctuation.

Now come on.

When am I going to see
what you're doing with it?

I've got a lot on the line here, Elliot.

Martin, damn it.

It's not exactly easy for me.

I can't know what it's been
like these last 12 years.

It's as if the words had abandoned me.

They're coming now.

Coming slowly.

It's so frustrating,
particularly as your

pages have been
coming in so brilliant.

What was that last one?

Your last few chapters?

Oh, they're so far beyond what
you were doing a month ago.

Passion? It's as if you tore into
yourself and spewed your entrails all

over the pages.

You like it?

It's inspiring.

It's made me want to write again.

I can't tell.

I want you to have this.

Hemingway's flask?

Oh, no.

No, no.

I couldn't.

Thank you.

You keep going, Martin.

I'll catch up to you.

Oh, my God.

Elliot Stern.

This must be so exciting for you.

Tell me, what's he like?

He has a handful.

There are a few bars in
Hoboken I'm not allowed in now.

But overall, I'd say he's pretty --
Where's that last chapter, Martin?

I'm tired of waiting for it.

What?

I just gave you 20 pages.

I want the rest of it.

I can't just crank this stuff out.

Oh, I see what's been keeping you.

I've been doing a little
bit of this and that, have you?

Elliot Sterns, this is Judith.

She's my ex-wife.

Ex-wife?

Why'd you throw her out?

She's a little bony, but -- I bet she
could wrap those legs round me twice.

Elliot!

Knock it off.

Ever done it with a Pulitzer
Prize, when, Amy darlin'?

Not good for me, eh?

What are these?

Those are not ready to show you yet.

Those -- I sound
great to show my buttocks.

That crap!

This whole book is crap.

Jude, Jude, Jude, wait, wait.

I'm sorry about this.

When he drinks, he gets crazy.

He's really not a bad guy, you know?

I mean, he's just kind of a character.

Martin, he's pissing on your book.

Elliot!

What the fuck are you doing?

Just a minor rewrite, son.

Out, out, out, get out!

I'll see you tomorrow.

No, Elliot, no, I don't think so.

This is it, Elliot.

I've had it with your bullshit.

I've laid it on the line for
you time and time again.

And I -- I -- Looks
like I'm talking to myself.

I'll get him up.

It's very difficult to instill clean
Christian principles in the face of

such poor sanitation.

Listen, I told
you this was going to

be a 200-foot --
Toby, I'm off to lunch.

Don't forget to chew.

Do I look like I'm made of money?

You're trash.

Why don't you --
Oh, no, not here.

You've been avoiding him ever
since you told Elliot to cheese off face at

the back of the house.

Why don't you just pay
Gibby and take it like a man?

Look, I'll be at Tapper's office.

Just get rid of him.

Hello, Toby?

He's in there.

How comfy to have you in my corner.

Marty!

Gibby, hi.

I was just on my way to lunch.

In an interesting communication
with Elliot Stans this morning.

Be a ways of punishing
little boys who do not tell the truth.

I tell truth.

Look, he was impossible to work with.

You were right, okay?

You were right.

And I'll pay the money as soon as I can.

Marty, as much as I enjoy hearing
phrases like "you were right" and "I'll

pay you the money,"

I haven't got the faintest
idea what you're talking about.

Elliot Stans delivered
the book this morning.

Amen.

Of course he did.

And I've got to tell
you, Marty, it's brilliant.

This is great, you know?

I just didn't expect -- The
little devil hasn't written a word.

This is my book.

Yes.

Yes, it is, Marty.

Congratulations.

No, Gibby, no.

This is my book.

I wrote this book.

Marty, Marty, Marty.

Yes, of course it's your book.

They are all our books when an
editor works as hard as you do.

This is my book!

And you should be very, very proud.

What are we going to do now?

Right, then.

Then will you be going off below down?

I used to look up to him.

I think this is a man I want to become.

I can't believe you did this to me!

Hello, beloved lass.

You mean -- Ah, now,
forget it, forget it, forget it.

Oh, come on, Marty.

It's on me.

You put your name on my book, Elliot.

I wrote the first chapter.

I wrote the last.

Yeah, I hated your last chapter.

It was stupid.

It was stupid.

It just didn't make any sense.

No, it made sense when I wrote it.

Of course, I was a
little soaked at the

time, but -- You
are fucking incredible.

You read the dedication?

What?

Why?

What dedication?

For Martin, in truth, this is his book.

Truth, huh?

Oh, yes, well, this
makes me feel much better.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Oh, Martin is all pissed off.

All right, I took
something from him, yes.

But I gave something back.

You finished a book.

That's true.

Yeah, so?

I just finished things.

That's what separates them
from any old treadmill with a pen.

You're a writer now.

Yes.

You don't have to thank me.

Not a problem.

You mean to say there's two of them?

Did Hemingway give you two flasks?

Oh, Martin.

I buy these at Macy's.

Made in Taiwan.

Some fucking hero.

Are you even Scottish?

That part's true.

You learned a great
deal from me, Martin.

I really did.

You taught me to drink like
a writer, to fight like a writer.

You take the consequences,
flesh against flesh.

Of course, it was mostly my flesh
that was taking the consequences.

I never really got the
land of consciousness.

You will, my boy.

You will?

Oh, yes.

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