All language subtitles for The Cable Guy 1996 1080p BluRay HEVC x265 5.1 BONE

You looked at him, you looked at Ray,
and you said, you know what, yeah, I

him to be my man, I want him to be my
boyfriend, but he's got to change the

he does things.

What are you talking about? One of the
things that initiated a little, you

misunderstanding that we had was that
one day, just because I didn't want to

have sex with him, he's going to come in
my face talking about, well, if you

don't want to do it, I'm going to call
somebody else to do it. How do you do

drinking, and you thought you were
making up to me. Yes.

This differs from a normal massage, how?
It's more factual.

Yeah. Oh, I don't know when I see a good
ball.

Okay, maybe you're right.

No, don't patronize me. I don't need
that.

Oh, Jamie, I...

television funny man killed his own
brother in cold blood.

My guests today are revealing secret
crushes on food service workers.

Mrs. Davis, do you take cream and sugar
in your eye?

Get out.

What? Lisa, as I understand it, there's
something you want to tell him? Well,

I'm really a man.

If you want to have fun, come home with
me.

Jesus.

Where's the cable guy already?

TV is a thing this year, this year.

TV is a thing this year.

Radio was great.

Now it's out of date.

TV is a thing this year. Rick Legatos,
please.

Hey, Bill.

Hey, Rick, phone.

Hello? Hey.

Hey, how's the move going?

Horrible. The cable guy is missing in
action.

Apparently he's going to be here
sometime between 8 a .m. and my death.

You haven't called Robin, have you?
Please tell me you didn't call her.

No, no. I'm giving her her space.

I can't believe she's doing this. You
never should have asked her to marry

You're the mad smotherer. All she had to
do was say no. She didn't have to kick

me out. I feel like Felix Unger. Let's
go.

Just give me one hot minute.

Listen.

One sweet little piece of advice.

Slip the cable guy 50 bucks, he'll give
you all the movie channels for free.

Even the dirty ones.

No, I couldn't.

I'm not good at that stuff.

What if he says no? I'll feel like an
idiot.

None of them say no. Never happens.

Gotta go. Talk to you later. Kick ass.
All right.

Hi, this is Robin Harris.

Stephen doesn't live here anymore. If
you want to reach him, call him at 55...

Cable guy. Oh, great.

Cable guy.

Don't leave.

Wait. Cable guy.

I'm coming. Cable guy. I'm coming. Don't
leave.

Come back.

Well, look who decided to show.

You were supposed to be here four hours
ago.

Was I?

So, I'm the dirty one?

Yeah. I was going to go to that bed and
bath place, and now it's closed.

Well, maybe I shouldn't have come at
all.

Jerk off!

I'm just joking with you.

Let's do this.

Wow, the old McNair place.

Never thought they'd get the floors
clean after what happened.

What happened?

They had a lot of cats.

Here's the comment card.

Please mail it in when I am done.

This go to your boss?

No, it goes to me.

I'm kind of a perfectionist.

Perfectionist.

Well, let's take a look at what we're
dealing with here.

Hmm.

This could be a cool pad.

Come on, baby.

Come on, baby.

Hello, Mama.

Is this what you want?

Huh?

Talk to me.

How about this?

Oh, yeah.

That's your sweet spot right there.

So, your lady kicked you out.

What?

In preparing your service, I noticed you
were previously wired across town at

1258 and a half Chestnut.

Last week, the billing was transferred
to one Robin Harris.

Smells like heartbreak to me.

Well, I really don't want to discuss it
with you.

Would you just install my cable, please?
I'm going to get dressed.

Suit yourself.

Sweat off my sack.

By the way, you might want to put on a
bathing suit, because you'll be channel

surfing in no time.

So ends day 54 of the trial of former
child star Sam Sweet, who has been

of shooting his twin brother Stan in
cold blood. The twins were stars of the

sitcom Double Trouble, which aired from
1977 till 1984.

Who wrote this?

He did!

Life wasn't sweet after the cancellation
of their program.

Holly would chew them up and spit them
out. A frustrated Sam turned to petty

larceny when his more impressionable
brother fell in with a fringe cult

the Brotherhood of Friends.

And so, today, his attorneys continue
to... I hope they find this bastard.

...of twin envy, also known as twin
stress syndrome.

Here with Robert Simmels, our frequent
commentator on Court TV.

What happened?

Oh!

The arrangement of your major appliances
and your furniture was causing some

noisy picks and humbars in your
reception.

I moved a few things.

Cleared it right up.

Is that cool?

Yeah, I guess.

I just have some paperwork for you to
fill out.

Kind of a drag, you know?

Start getting to know somebody and then
the job is done. Boom, bam.

Sign here?

I feel good about this.

Okay.

Hey, wait.

Yeah?

Uh, one thing.

I have this friend, and he gave his
cable guy $50, and then he got all the

channels for free.

Did you ever hear of anything like that?

Yeah? Who told you that? What is his
name? I want it.

Oh, forget it. You're offering me a
bribe. What you have just done is

And in this state, if convicted, you
could be fined up to $5 ,000 or spend

months in a correctional facility.

Oh, please. No, that was dumb. I was
just making conversation.

Forget it.

I'm just jerking your chin.

You are too easy.

Wake up, little snoozy.

Smell the smelling salt.

I'll juice you up.

Call it one guy doing another guy.
That's solid. That is so nice.

You're a nice guy.

You'd be surprised how many customers
treat me like snot.

Like I'm a goddamn plumber or something.

Here's my personal pager number.

For preferred customers only.

Never call the company.

They'll just put you on hold.

Well, thanks. Really, you're going to
get some good marks here.

And maybe I'll take you up to the
satellite sometime, show you how this

thing works.

It's really incredible.

Sure. We should do that one day. How
about tomorrow?

Tomorrow?

Tomorrow's no good.

Why?

What are you going to do?

Sit around and stew about your acts?

No, no, you didn't cross the line. Nope.
Cool.

Pick you up at 6 .30.

There are 24 classrooms.

Each can be converted into a 1 ,400
-square -foot home.

The facility has an Olympic -sized
swimming pool, two tennis courts, a full

and a stage if the residents decide they
want to perform Oklahoma.

And most important, the structure is
available in foreclosure.

If we put down a cash bid, we're going
to steal this thing.

Yo,

Steve -O!

Hey, tough room, but you got it.

How you feeling? Fine.

Did I hear something about you having a
little domestic discord or something?

Yeah, Robin and I are having a difficult
time, and I moved out. I think it's

only temporary.

Can I be blunt with you?

If I approve this project and you screw
it up, it's not going to be my ass. Now,

I have all the confidence in the world
in you. It's just that you know where

coming from, right? I'm on it.

I'm more patient. I'm more loving.

They tell me this.

Nobody out here who's watching this
doesn't believe there's something in

life they can improve. If they're doing
well financially, which a lot of people

are challenged by... Maybe their
relationship's not going so well because

they're so busy working on their
finances.

Call now, and you'll be rushed the
complete personal power success system

no -risk 30 -day in -home free trial.

Steve!

Steven!

Stevie! Time for Stevie!

Yo, Stevie!

Hey, buddy!

Come on down!

What are you waiting for? A graved
invitation?

I've had a few drinks. You might want to
buckle up.

That's my humor.

Hey, thanks for coming out.

Most people think cable is just a simple
coax that comes out of the wall. They

never take the time to understand how it
works.

Where exactly are we going?

We're on a ride on the information
super.

Come up here to think sometimes.

Clear my head.

Brace yourself.

Right now she's sending entertainment
and information to millions of satisfied

citizens. That's pretty impressive.

See? I knew you'd appreciate this.

The future is now!

Soon every American home will integrate
their television, phone, and computer.

You'll be able to visit the Louvre on
one channel.

Or watch female mud wrestling on
another.

You can do your shopping at home.

Or play Mortal Kombat with a friend in
Vietnam.

There's no end to the possibilities.

When I was a kid, my mom worked nights.

I never met my father.

But the old TV was always there for me.

I know what you mean.

My dad was there, but he might as well
have been away.

That's tough.

You must have a lot of abandonment
issues.

Reality isn't Father Knows Best anymore.

It's a kick in the face on a Saturday
night with a steel -toed greb Kodiak

boot and a trip to the hospital bloodied
and bashed for reconstructive surgery.

But what doesn't kill us makes us
stronger, right?

You know, my brother is a speech
therapist.

So?

Never mind.

You're pretty lovestruck about your
lady, huh?

Yeah, I miss her.

I asked her to marry me and she asked me
to move out.

I hate that.

She says that I put too much pressure on
her.

Women are a labyrinth, my friend.

Can I be frank?

I don't think you listen to her.

I think you try to tell her what she
wants to hear.

She wants you to thirst for knowledge
about who she is.

All the complicated splendor that is
woman.

When your love is truly giving, it will
come back to you tenfold.

You're right.

That's incredibly insightful.

I know.

It was Jerry Springer's final thought on
Friday's show.

You know what?

Women are suckers for Sleepless in
Seattle. It's on HBO this month. At your

right there.

Robin loves that movie.

They all do.

Next time you talk to her, tell her
you're cooking yourself dinner, watching

by yourself, and sound like you've just
never been happier.

She'll come running.

Well, maybe I'll give it a try.

You know, I'm embarrassed to say this,
but I don't even know your name.

Really want to know my name?

You do?

It's Ernie Douglas.

But my friends call me Chip.

This concludes our broadcast day.

Click. I don't listen to you.

I pretend to understand, but I'm really
just saying the things that I think that

you want to hear.

And I'm interested in learning about
every detail of the complicated splendor

that is you.

Oh. I can see why taking this time might
be good for us.

So I'm not mad.

Well, sometimes time apart is healthy.

You're right.

Well, that's what I came here to say.

Ooh, I gotta get back to the office.

So, uh, what are you doing tomorrow?

I'm just gonna cook myself some dinner,
watch a movie.

Sleepless in Seattle is on cable.

Really? I love that movie.

Oh, well...

If you're around, why don't you come by
and check out the new apartment?

Okay, maybe I will.

Whatever.

Hi,

I'm Tabitha Thorne with MTV News.

Today in the Sam Sweet case, the
prosecution played the 911 call that Sam

made the night he murdered his brother.
Keep in mind, Mr. Sweet confessed one

month later.

this out and about.

Thought I'd see if anybody wanted to
play some round ball.

Great. We need another man.

This is Chip Douglas, my cable guy. We
met about a week ago in a routine

installation. I feel like I've known him
my whole life.

Really?

That's sweet.

Okay. Chip Douglas, you're on my team.
Let's play.

No way.

I'm with you.

I'll switch teams. Let's just play.

Hold on. I've got to warm up.

I don't want to pull a hammy.

Let's get it on.

Any good?

Keep me under the board, you'll find
out.

Check it.

Looks good.

Okay, let's see what you got, White
Shadow.

I think Salami's open.

Boom!

That was in trouble! That was in
trouble!

Oh,

I see.

We're playing prison rules, huh?

Thank you.

I guess we're done.

Thanks for bringing your friend, Steven.

Hey, Rick!

I never made a slam dunk before.

Thanks for the boost.

What are you doing?

I'm just talking trash.

You ruined the game.

I don't appreciate your comment, Steven.

What are you talking about? We're not
friends. I don't even know you.

Well, let's change that. Let me buy you
a Heineken.

I'm going home.

I guess we'll talk later.

I gotta go shower and do some stuff
anyway.

Just checking in. Give me a ring. I'm at
555 -4329.

What's up, Steve? I'm at a pay phone.

If you're there, pick up. Pick up, pick
up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up,

pick up, pick up.

Okay. I'll be home later.

Okay, I'm home.

Give me a buzz when you get in.

I'll be here pretty much all night.

Hey, man.

Me again.

I was just taking a whiz. Thought you
might have called. Okay, later.

We're having ourselves quite a little
game of phone tag here.

I was just blow -drying my hair. I
thought I heard the phone ring. That

happen to you?

Anyway, call me. We'll talk about it.

Steven, I think your machine is... Oh,
shit.

Hi. Hey.

Good to see you.

You too.

How's work?

Work's good.

How's Hal?

How's Hal?

Don't get me started.

Guy has no vision.

It's like working for Mr. Magoo.

Those hair plugs.

I know.

He's just an utterly useless person.

I think I hate him.

Huh.

It's nice to see that you're doing so
well.

Well, it's nice just to see you.

Hey, should be on now.

Damn it.

Son of a bitch.

Cable's out.

Oh, wait, I know what to do.

The cable guy is a friend of mine.

I'm a preferred customer. All I have to
do is page him, and we should have this

fixed in no time.

Yeah,

my cable is out.

Really?

So you called me.

Funny how you call when you need
something.

Is that how you treat people?

Well, I've been really busy. Can you get
my cable going? Robin is here.

This is important.

But calling me back isn't.

I'm sorry. Please, can you help me out?

Why should I help you?

I gave you free table.

What have you ever done for me?

Anything you want, just name it quickly.

Tomorrow night we hang out.

Fine, anything you want.

God bless you.

You're too good to me. You really are.

Boots with a cut cord.

That's for effect.

See you tomorrow, Steven.

She's pretty.

Don't kiss her.

Don't even touch her.

Resist the urge at all costs.

I'll be off in the end.

See what I'm saying?

Enjoy the flight.

That's bad.

Yeah. She is my third grade teacher. You
okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I look fine. How is she going to read
any of these?

Because this is not how it's done.

I'd much rather just see somebody I like
and get a feeling about them and

ask them if they want to have a drink.

Or a slice of pizza.

I wonder if it still works this way.

It doesn't. They ask you.

I'm starting to notice that.

What?

In movies, women are always scratching
up the men's back and screaming and

when they're having sex.

How do you know this?

Dad's got a cable.

Brother, you said I was going to get a
brother to play with. Yeah, well, that's

why Mommy's going to happy hour.

Now, listen, you just sit there with Mr.

Babysitter, and he'll take real good
care of you, okay?

Sweetie, don't sit so close to that
thing. It's going to rot your brain.

Why didn't you take my call?

What does it say that I've got to stop
what I'm doing and answer the phone

time it rings?

Do you know your nostrils flare out into
little wings when you're mad?

Come on, Evelyn, I gotta go.

Sorry about yesterday, by the way. I was
in kind of a weird mood.

How'd everything go with you?

Keeping closed.

Pretty well, we'll see.

Look, about the other night... You're
not peaking, are you? Come on, now.

I want this to be a surprise.

We don't need to be surprised. Where are
we going?

Only the finest restaurant in town.

Open Sesame.

Medieval Times?

I knew you'd like this place.

I come here twice a week.

Welcome to Medieval Times. I'll be your
serving lunch, Melinda.

Might I fetch you something from the
barkeep?

Dost dost have thou a mug of ale for me
and me mate?

He has been pitched in battle for a
fortnight.

and has a king's thirst for the frosty
brew, thus thou might have for thus.

I'll be right back, my lord.

My thanks to you, fair wench.

Boom, bam. Oh, thanks.

Look, look, I have to tell you, this is
kind of difficult.

Hold on. Hold on.

Welcome to a magnificent journey into
the past.

This is Medieval Times.

Are you prepared for a night of feasting
and sport

the likes of which you will never
forget?

Yes!

I charge you to stand up and cheer for
your section's night.

Not again!

Hence, there are no utensils at medieval
times. Would you like a refill on that

Pepsi? There were no utensils, but there
was Pepsi?

Dude, I've got a lot of tables.

Can I have your skin?

Sure. Check this out.

Silence of the land.

Hello, Clary.

It's good to see you again.

Oh, Lord.

Listen, I want you to know this has
nothing to do with you, Elizabeth.

We have reached the climax of our
competition, good people. And now two

from our audience will battle to the
death to resolve the grievance. Will a

master, Stephen M. Kovacs.

And a Lord Chip Douglas.

Make your way to the fighting pits.

Let's go.

What's going on?

It appears we're going to do battle,
Stephen.

Is this a normal part of the show?

No. But I give all the knights free
cable. They said it would be cool if we

went at it for a while. Well, is it
safe?

Sure. That's what the armor is for.

Come on.

So what are we supposed to do? I mean,
we have to be careful that we don't hurt

each other, right?

I cannot listen to any of your
instructions, for you are my sworn enemy

about to meet your demise.

Okay, just take it easy, all right?

Nice move.

No second.

He's the mother of them, okay?

Come back here!

So that I may bring these!

Ow!

My leg!

I have a cramp.

You all right?

Let's give my...

You want to play rough?

Daddy can play rough!

Like when Spock had to find Kirk on Star
Trek.

Best friends forced to do battle.

This isn't funny when you stop it.

The name is Spock.

If we don't battle to the death, they
will kill us both.

This isn't Spock.

Sir, talk to your Steve.

Buddy, get on the friggin' horse. I
don't think he's kidding.

You've done good, sir.

You are the victor.

But we will meet again.

To admit, it's a real feeling of power
holding that jousting stick.

If Robin had seen you tonight, she'd be
begging you to take her back.

I'm telling you, these nights get late
all the time.

We should go again next week.

You have no messages.

Nobody loved you.

Oh, by the way, I think I left something
in the living room the other day. Can

you be a pal and check that out for me?

Just a little piece of equipment.

What do you think?

What is all this?

It appears that someone has taken the
liberty of updating your home

entertainment system.

I got you the big screen TV, deluxe
karaoke machine, and THX

quality sound that would make George
Lucas cream in his pants.

You got into my house when I wasn't
home?

Well, how else was I supposed to get
this stuff in here? By osmosis? How much

did all of this cost?

Practically nothing.

I have a connection.

Preferred customer.

I hook him up, he hooks me up.

Listen, I can't accept this. I wouldn't
feel right.

Why not?

You give me something so much more
valuable.

Friendship. And you've given me
friendship, so we're even.

Really, don't take this personally, but
you have to take all this stuff back.

Okay.

My friend would pick up work till
Saturday. Can I leave it here till then?

Sure. No problem.

Hi, this is Robin Harris.

Stephen doesn't live here anymore. If
you want to reach him, call him at 555

-3837.

Hey, Robin, it's Stephen.

I'm still trying to reach you, so...
Well, I'm at the office. Call me.

How's it going?

Good. Good.

Keep it up.

It's your ass.

Right.

It's Robin on line two.

Hey, I had the best time the other
night.

So when am I going to get you on my sofa
again?

Well, tonight's not looking too good.
How about tomorrow?

Shit.

I knew I'd get you on the phone that
way.

Listen, that equipment is going to be
history soon.

Let's break the cherry on that karaoke
machine.

What does that mean?

Tomorrow night.

Karaoke gym, your place. No ifs, ands,
or buts. Well, maybe a few buts.

Big ones!

American woman, stay away from me.

American woman, mama let me be.

Don't come hanging around my door. I
don't want to see your face no more. I

more... You were going on a date?

I thought we had fun the other night. We
did.

We did, but that doesn't mean that we're
officially back together.

And you said yourself, time apart is
good.

Yes, time apart from each other, but not
with other people.

That's not time apart.

That's time with someone else.

Steven, I love you, but I gotta go.

Bye.

Bye.

This is just a sign that you need to
live a little.

She's having fun. You should, too.

Maybe you're right.

You're damn right I'm right.

Oh, I almost forgot. I got you a little
something.

I thought you said we were even.

You're breaking the rule.

So shoot me.

What is it?

My brother thought it might help you
with your list.

This is... There's no work.

That's no big deal. Yes, it is. Yes, it
is. It is to me.

Now I'm on a mission.

This will be the best damn karaoke jam
ever.

some nice friends yeah they're just
preferred customers whoa tickler two o

'clock what a licorice

you're just playing with me

oh she's all over you like a lanchy shut
up i drank all the iron

it's out of her you you hesitate nester
dates go

Hey.

I'm Stephen.

Heather.

Can I get you a beer?

How about a tequila?

All right.

Hi, Rick.

That's going to be a good one.

Thanks for accepting my invitation.

Stephen invited me.

Look at him.

He's having a super time.

He's changing, Rick.

You're going to have to learn to live
with that.

I don't know what your story is, Chip
Douglas.

I want to find out.

Well, don't dig too deep.

You might get burned by the molten lava.

I'm out of here.

The soothing sounds of Raul, ladies and
gentlemen.

You had honey in your voice tonight,
Raul. Do a song for us. Oh, no, I

Tonight's new song is performed by
Jefferson Airplane in a little

called Give Me Shelter about the Rolling
Stones and their nightmare at Altamont.

That night, the Oakland chapter of the
Hells Angels had their way.

Tonight, it's my turn.

One, two, three.

When the truth is found.

your head.

Ladies and gentlemen.

I borrowed this sweatshirt. Hope you
don't mind.

Bacon and eggs coming up.

Where did Heather go?

Oh, I heard her leaving early this
morning.

You said.

What a night.

That was just what I needed.

Well, I'll tell you something.

You look like a new man.

You like a new man.

I was getting so used to being rejected.

You know, I really liked her.

Who's my treat?

What do you mean it was your treat?

You know, I bought this time, you buy
next time.

Well, what you ready to pick, Cole?

Buy what?

What do you mean, buy what?

The women.

that heather is a prostitute of course
she is i think a woman like that would

hang out with us if we weren't paying oh
this can't be happening oh hey hey

hey it's okay she's totally clean i
checked her out a week ago

make sure she was top quality and i'm
healthy as a horse not a drip

Would you like some juice?

You're kidding me, right?

She's a friend of yours. You're just
messing with my mind, right?

I wish I had friends like that.

Get out of my house.

What are you so ashamed of?

I know she was a working girl, but she
kind of liked you.

You might even have been able to get a
freebie. Who knows? Just get out now. I

don't ever want to see you again.

Robin's never going to forgive me.

Well, I'll tell you how you handle that.

Don't tell her. You want her back?

I'll help you get her back. I don't want
you to help. I can do that. I just want

you out of my apartment. And get this
stuff out of here. I think you need to

yourself why you're doing this, Stephen.
Because I think you're starting to

sabotage yourself.

Out. Now.

Everything was going so well. Why are
you doing this, Stephen?

I made you breakfast.

And we were eating.

Out. And scramby eggs.

No, I'll fix this, Stephen. I can fix
it. I can make it cool again. Out.

This is just a speed bump, Steven! I'll
make it better!

May I help you?

No.

I'm...

I

apologize about last night. I came home
from the gym and I

had the belt loose.

Both appreciate it.

So Gail tells me you're coming out of a
relationship. What's that like?

I'm going to be hard on you.

Not really. We're just sort of in a
holding pattern right now. A holding

pattern?

It sounds like you need to come down and
refuel.

You're sexy.

You heard me.

You've been working hard.

Take a break.

Excuse

me, excuse me.

Pardon me, pardon me, pardon me. Hey,
what's the story with our chicken, man?

The chicken.

Have the eggs had a chance to hatch yet?

Well, maybe you can go check on it for
me, my friend, if it's not too much

trouble for you.

All right, I'm sorry to put you out.

See the attitude?

Unbelievable.

Look at him, like hysterical now.

What were we talking about?

Your job. What's that like? What's your
job like?

It's a little crazy right now. We're
just sort of... Hold on for just a

I need to use the head and I'll be right
back. I want to find out about your

job. I'm interested. I'm curious about
it.

And what is the score with the ticket?

Enjoy your meal.

Good evening, sir.

Pleasant night, isn't it?

Yeah, not too bad.

Of course, I guess the weather is always
pleasant in here.

The winters are remarkably mild.

If you need anything, just let me know.
Anything at all.

Don't bother. I think I got it under
control.

Then what is your deal?

People rarely take advantage of all my
services.

Let me help you wash up.

Lendliness is next to godliness.

You're on a big date.

You need to look your back.

Better take care of the shine.

Now. Let's pluck those eyebrows.

She loves me. She loves me not.

She loves me. She loves me.

Little hootie there.

Handy.

Touch of alfalfa. And boom, bam.

We're ready to draw you.

You know, from this angle, he looks just
like Dizzy Gillespie.

Don't

worry

about the tent.

But I've got one for you.

Stay away from Robin.

Here's a bizarre story from downtown
where a man was beaten in a restroom by

assailant disguised as a bathroom
attendant.

The victim has been unable to speak
since this unmotivated attack.

A police sketch artist put together this
drawing for witnesses' descriptions.

We'll be right back.

Tonight on UPN, the trial that's
captured the nation.

Everybody is waiting for the verdict,
but you don't have to wait for the

Crybaby, I love you.

Eric Roberts is Sam and Stan Sweet in
Brothers, Sweet Brother, The Killing of

Stanton Sweet. Parental discretion
advised.

Who is it?

It's the cable guy.

My cable's fine.

I have an upgrade order for one Robin
Harris.

Total rainbow package.

That's every pay channel available.

Well, I didn't order that.

Apparently you have a secret admirer.

Oh, there's a man named Steven?

I can't tell you that.

Come on.

No, I promised Steven I wouldn't say.

Oh my goodness, look what I've done.

You didn't hear it from me.

Come on.

work is done.

Okay.

That was hot up there.

So, um, are you a friend of Stephen's?

I'm proud to say that I am. I recently
installed his cable and we just hit it

off. We bonded big time.

Are you guys going out a lot?

Not really.

That guy's devoted to you.

You know, I'm probably crossing a
boundary telling you this, but he thinks

you're the cat's pajamas.

He really does.

Oh.

Did he say that?

Only every five minutes.

Frankly, I'm sick of hearing it. I'm
just joking.

He's a good man.

Yeah. He mentioned that you guys have
had some problems.

Yeah. It's a little complicated.

It always is.

You know, I asked a woman to marry me
once.

She said she wanted to think about it.

We agreed to take some time apart,
reassess our feelings.

You know, give each other space.

Well, she's no longer with us.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Sometimes you don't know what you've got
till it's gone.

Promise me you'll never go bungee
jumping in Mexico, okay?

That you don't have to regulate.

I promise.

Anyway, I've said too much.

Thank you.

Cherish him, Robin.

Every hair on his head.

Hello. I love you.

Robin? Yes.

Oh, I love you too.

That was so sweet of you.

Oh, well.

You didn't have to do that.

I wanted to.

Give me me. cable. Only you would do
something like that.

Oh.

Well, you know what? I've been wanting
to do something for you, but I was

to give you your space, so... Well,
maybe we shouldn't be making rules

Okay.

So, call me later if you're around?

Well, sure. I'll call you as soon as I
get home.

Okay. Bye.

All right. Bye.

Dude.

a concert. Oh, Jesus.

What? That was Robin. I think that we're
getting back together.

So you're blowing me off. I can't
believe this.

You do this every time, man. I don't
know why I put up with it anymore.

Don't be mad. Pick somebody else to go.

Yeah. Maybe I'll take my table guy.

So I'll call you later.

Pretty smooth work.

I set him up, you knock him down.

What?

Rob it.

I got her back for me.

I duped her up.

How'd we know we're back together?

Free cable is the ultimate absenteeism,
Steven.

I don't want you messing around with my
life. I know.

I felt bad about the other night. I
wanted to make it up to you.

So what are you doing, Lawrence K.
Smith?

Look, I appreciate you helping me out
with Robin.

But you have to understand, I'm going to
have to work extra hard to not screw

this relationship up again.

You're a very nice guy.

But I just don't have any room in my
life for a new friend.

Okay?

So, what are you going to say?

I don't want to be your friend.

I appreciate your honesty.

You're a real straight shooter.

So you're alright?

Hey, I'm a big boy.

No big deal.

Whatever.

You're sure?

Uh -huh.

I'm fine.

Robin Harris.

Hey, it's Chip Douglas.

Chip Douglas.

The cable guy.

Oh.

Hi.

What's up?

I feel kind of weird calling you. It's
just I'm worried about Steven.

What is it?

Well, something isn't right.

He doesn't seem like himself lately.

Have you noticed anything?

No, actually, things are going really
well.

Good.

That makes me feel better.

Well, should I be worried?

Nope.

I'm probably just being a nervous Nelly.

Let's just keep our eyes open.

All right.

Okay.

Okay. Bye.

Bye -bye.

All right, I just want to put this out
there. Stevie?

You did it, man.

You took your kihonis and mine and you
put them on the table and you slam

it. Way to go.

Now watch, they're probably going to
give them my job.

Anyway, on to the next order of
business.

We just closed escrow on the downtown
blocks.

So now that we have that bear up our
back, we can get down to the order of

finding an architect.

Now, corporate somebody list his name. I
don't know who he is.

Give me one.

There's Stephen Kovacs in here.

Uh, yeah, I'm Stephen Kovacs.

What's the problem?

You're under arrest, son. What did he
do?

Stephen stole the property.

What? What? I don't know anything about
it. Oh, wait a minute. I cannot speak

until spoken to.

You have the right to remain silent.

Anything you say may be used against you
in a court of law.

You have the right to an attorney. Do
you understand?

But I didn't accept any stolen goods.

Deluxe karaoke machine.

I can't believe you did this. I didn't
do anything.

He gave you a big screen TV and a hi -fi
system as a present? You expect me to

believe that? You know you're killing
your mother with this. I swear it's

Why would you accept such extravagant
gifts?

I don't know. I shouldn't have.

What's really going on here, Stephen?
Are you on something?

Are you taking the pot?

I'm fine. I didn't do anything.

Just call my cable guy. Stephen, the
police look into it. Nobody named Chip

Douglas works for the cable company.

This is a mistake. This can't be
happening.

Yes, it is, and it's killing your
mother.

When can you get me out of here?

Well, unfortunately, there's no time to
get a bail hearing today.

You're going to have to spend the
weekend in county lockup.

You hear anything?

Oh, Stephen, I came as soon as I could.

What's your real name?

It's Larry Tate, but that's not what's
important right now. We have to get you

out of here.

I was watching court TV. I think I saw
the football in your case. I'm going to

talk to the judge about a writ of habeas
corpus.

I'll put the system on trial.

Why are you doing this to me?

I didn't do this to you. You did this to
you. You set me up.

No, I taught you a lesson.

I can be your best friend or your worst
enemy.

You seem to prefer the latter.

I'm just here to comfort you.

Come on, touch it.

Huh? Come on, you need human contact.
Touch it. I will not touch it.

What are you doing? Stop it.

Stop it.

I know how you're feeling right now.

Stop it. Stop it. Don't do that.

I'm here for you.

Don't do that, Jesus Christ. You're
going to get me killed.

Oh, Billy.

I'm just messing with you.

Remember Midnight Express?

Oliver Stone won the Academy Award for
Best Screenplay.

Awesome, awesome scene.

Guard, this is the man who framed me.
He's right here. He set me up. Arrest

Hey, Bernie, how's that sports package?

All right.

Oh, by the way, don't worry about Robin.

I'll make sure she's well taken care of.

If you go near her, I'll kill you.

That's it. Come on, let's go.

This concludes our broadcast day.

You bet your ass you've been blowing me
off. This guy's really been doing a

number on me. I told you not to hang out
with him. You told me to offer him

money and get free cable. Did I tell you
to have a karaoke jam with them?

Goldman. Got it.

Rick, I'm out on bail.

Okay, I'll see if I can get my friend in
research to track him down. What did

you say his name was?

Well, he calls himself Larry Tate, but
he told me his name is Chip Douglas.

Chip Douglas. Chip Douglas.

Why does that sound so familiar?

Are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine.

You're not fine. When you say you're
fine, I know that you're not fine. I

want to get this over with.

I hate visiting my parents.

Isn't this guy cool?

Come on in, you psycho.

What is he doing here?

I invited him. You invited him when?

At lunch the other day. At lunch the
other day? You had lunch? You look

And you are a vision.

Hello, Stephen.

You look rested.

Come here.

What's wrong, Stephen?

I'm sensing some weird energy from you.
Yeah, well, maybe that's because I just

got out of jail where you sent me. I
should just take you to the police right

now.

You can if you like.

But I'd hate to have to show Robin this.

Bastard!

Come on, Stephen.

Let's just have a good time tonight.

So Stephen is carrying this battle axe,
and he's chasing me, waving it around

like a madman. So I says to him, I says,
hey, it's just a show. What are you

trying to prove?

He is always taking things too
seriously.

Tell me something I don't know. The guy
almost took my head off.

It's the adult version of the popular
television.

Robin, you're on my team. Stephen,
you're with mom.

don't want to play this game. All right,
come on. Steven!

Woman.

Woman.

No? No.

All right.

Peanut.

Peanut.

Peanut.

Vagina? Yes!

Yes!

She's got vagina, she's got vagina. I
would have said Sean.

Hey, now we're starting to get this.

Can I pass?

Come on. Steve, don't be a stick in the
mud.

Breast.

Breast.

Tick.

Okay. Remember his clue?

Heart.

Erection.

But thanks for noticing.

Your turn.

Center.

Center.

Center. Nipple?

I can't say that to my mother. Hey,
she's a grown woman. She can handle it.

I won't do it. I'm not going to do it. I
don't want to play anymore. I've had

enough. That's it.

It's just skin, Stephen.

No, I've had enough. I don't want to do
it anymore. I'm not playing porno

password with him.

Stephen, I really think you're
overreacting. I'm not overreacting.

being fooled by him. He's not like this.
He's a lunatic and he's a felon.

Whoa!

Everybody just relax.

We knew this was going to happen.

Nothing is happening.

Nothing! It's happening. Stephen, this
is a safe place.

You're with people who love you. Right,
everyone?

Yes. I hate you.

Get out of my life.

He's projecting all of his anger onto
me.

Maybe I should go.

No, don't go.

Stephen, you are being an asshole.

What? You see what's happening right
now?

You're hitting bottom.

You stay away from me. Come on now.

This is where the healing begins.

Come on.

Come on.

Good night, good evening, everyone.

I guess I'll be leaving now.

I forgive you.

I only hope my neurologist will feel the
same.

Did anybody notice I'm late?

What are you talking about?

We've been here for an hour.

How's Hal?

Oh, don't get me started.

That man, he has no vision. It's like
working for Mr. Magoo. Now, if only

somebody at corporate would wise up and
dump Hal.

Hair plugs.

It's just so awful to look at. I know.
Hair plugs.

Hair plugs. Hair plugs. I know. I know.
I know.

I hate him.

I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.

I don't hate you.

Get out.

This isn't funny!

Bingo! My three sons.

Chip and Ernie Douglas.

I got a list here of every cable
installer fired in the last four years.

out some of these names.

Maurice Slaughter.

George Jetson. Jean -Luc Picard. There's
even a guy who liked to be called the

Big Ragu.

Carmine from the Vernon Show.

That's so sad that you know that.

Anyway, the cable company in town fired
a guy six months ago named Darren

Stevens. You may remember his boss.

Larry Tate, from a little show called
Bewitched.

So, he doesn't even work for the cable
company.

Got me!

They booted his ass for stalking
customers. This guy is deeply troubled.

were you, I'd lock up tight.

New developments breaking in the Sam
Sweet trial. The jury has notified the

judge that they are close to a verdict
and would like to continue deliberating

into the evening hours.

We'll keep you updated as events
warrant.

The day started real nice here in
Centerville, but now the moisture is

increasing and the clouds are lowering
and thickening. Back on Centerville

weather radar, we'll see strong
thunderstorms.

I just want to hang out.

We could have been blood brothers.

But you're too needy.

It's a real turn off.

Ask Robin. Rick told me that you were
fired from the cable company. You're not

even a real cable guy. Can you hold on a
second? I have a call waiting.

it off i know it's you sorry about that
where was i don't do this there must be

something we can do to work this out i
wish there was i'm just so tired steven

so very tired well can't can't we talk
in person where are you i love

to chat but i'm getting together with a
lady friend you

might know her stay away from her
goodbye steven click

She just left with a man from the cable
company.

Do you know where they were going?

No, but I heard him say they were going
to go for a ride on the information

superhighway.

The future is now!

Soon every American home will integrate
their television, phone, and computer.

You'll be able to visit the Louvre on
one channel,

I want to

go

home now.

I'm worried about Steven.

Steven!

Dry land is not a myth.

I've seen it.

Kevin Costner, Waterworld.

I don't know what all the fuss is about.

I saw that movie six times. It ruled.

Isn't it funny that we ended up in this
position?

Seriously.

Steven!

over just a tad day.

Oh, here comes our hero.

Okay, easy.

It didn't have to be this way, Stephen.

Well, why are we up here? What are you
planning to do?

I don't really have a plan as such.

I'm pretty much going moment to moment
right now.

Winging it, really.

You gotta admit, though.

It's a pretty cool place for an ending.
An ending to what?

It's like that movie GoldenEye. No, it's
not. It's not like anything.

quiet down and just chill out in front
of the tv for a while is that it

you were never there for me were you
mother

you expected mike and carol brady to

raise me

That's it.

That's what I have to do!

Yeah? No, no, no. Don't do that. Don't
do that. No, come down from there.

We'll all go out together and we'll have
a hide -and -seek.

Yeah.

I'm not thirsty anymore.

See ya.

No!

It's okay.

I understand my purpose now.

Don't do this.

You just need help. We all get lonely.

Yeah, but I get really lonely.

I mean, look at me. Come on.

You'll be fine.

I'll be your pal. Just come on up.

No.

It's too late for me.

But there are a lot of little...

boys and girls out there who still have
a chance.

Don't you understand, Steven?

Somebody has to kill the babysitter.

This is the moment America has been
waiting for. We have just been informed

the jury has notified the judge that
they've reached the verdict. So we'll

the verdict back to the clerk. We are
live. The jury has beat it. And the

verdict in the Sam Sweet is 40 million
euros.

This is real life.

Sam Sweet himself in the case of
California versus Sweet.

Samuel Jacob Sweet has been found.

Customer, my ass!

Squad 51, Squad 51, man down.

Possible back injury.

Dixie, we're going to need an IV with
D5W and ring of lactate detect.

Check vital signs.

Administer lighting and drip.

Prepare to defibrillate.

Clear.

You two are going to be just fine.

Take care of him, Robert.

He's good people.

You never told me your real name.

You still want to know my name?

Yeah.

It's Ricardo.

Ricky Ricardo.

Thank you.

Thank you.

just leave.

Save me, save me.

Taken by those who love you.

don't come over

Someone please save us.

Save us from our wicked little selves.

We're bent or courageous.

We're drifting so it's time for me to
tell. Get out of my head or

into my bed.

Get out of my head or into my bed. I had
a dream about you

last night.