Original subtitles

He's

so good.

Now that you're home,

come let me hug you. Come, let me kiss

you. Come, let me see you what I've been

missing. Feel so good now that you're

home.

Feel so fine.

Know that I'm on your mind.

Oh, what a feeling to know you're

revealing. Feels so good now. Please

don't stop now.

[Music]

All along

I've been gone.

Now I'm glad that you see that we were

meant to be.

Feel feel so good

now that you're home.

Come let me hug you. Come let me kiss

you. Come, let me see what I've been

missing. Feel so good. Now that you're

home,

[Music]

he's very high up in banking, you know,

one of the highest, but he's still only

55. I'll have this finished for you

tomorrow, Mrs. Rob.

You know, I've got a feeling you're

going to be as pretty as your mother one

day. Won't that be something?

Well, I must fly. Bye-bye, Mrs. Bye-bye,

Mrs. Bye-bye, Ivy.

My god, she's trying to fix me up with a

manager. Such a busy body, but a

valuable customer.

Mom.

I found it in his room.

Kenny

again.

Got to do a map of Europe.

[Music]

fresh.

Honey Dory Ken. Uncle Burke thought it'd

be nicer on the ver, but I said you'd be

more comfortable in the study. Come

inside.

Here we are, just in time for afternoon

tea. Ah, Ken, good to see you. How you

doing? Fine, thanks, Uncle Bert. Good,

good. I'll leave you to it then. Good.

So, you're doing all right, eh? Yes,

thanks. And, uh, your mom all right?

She's fine. Mhm. Ivy? Fine. Good. Good.

You know, I thought it'd be nice if we

uh sat up on the ver, but uh your auntie

Dory thinks we'd be better off in here.

Yes.

Oh, sit down, Ken.

Well, then, Ken. Uh,

well, you know what this is all about.

No. Sorry. You mean your mother didn't

tell you? No. Huh?

Well, it's no big deal. Uh, you see, I'm

just sort of filling in for your father.

If he was still alive, he would have had

this little chat with you. But, uh,

seeing as he isn't,

you see, when I was your age, the big

question was, "What's it all about?"

Hey, you know, all this stuff about,

well, the stuff about men and and women

and

having babies, you know, what's it all

about? How do you go about it? What's

the big mystery to it all? Well, there's

no big mystery, Ken. There is no mystery

at all. It's simply part of the natural

order of things. You know, just like we

all eat and breathe and go to the lab,

they all do it. They all

Well, they all uh copulate.

Come again. Copulate the insertion of

the penis into the vagina.

And these symptoms of arousal lead to

what's called the plateau phase.

In other words, Uncle Bert, you're about

as hot up as you can get. And if

stimulation continues, it leads to

orgasm. Sorry. Orgasm. Oh, orgasm.

Right. Causing ejaculation.

Ejaculation.

You got me there again. Well, you know

what happens when you have an orgasm,

Uncle Bert.

It's only me.

Don't let me interrupt you.

That's the tricky bit. Ken. Oh my word.

That bit can be very, very tricky. Are

you talking about premature ejaculation?

Hey, you know when you shoot your load?

What' you say it was called again?

Actually, the main causes anxiety. The

more you worry, the worse it gets. The

squeeze technique. That's right, Uncle

Herb. The squeeze technique.

Don't you think Ken ought to be getting

home? It's half past 6. Ah. Uh, yes.

Yes. Well, Ken, uh, thanks for coming

over. Anytime, Uncle B. Haven't even

touched your tea.

unclasps her warmer jewels one by one.

Loosens her fragrant bodice.

By degrees her rich attire creeps

rustling to her knees.

Half hidden like a mermaid in seaweed.

Hence of a wild she dreams awake and

sees in fancy fair St. Agnes in her bed

but dares not look behind

or all the charm

is fled.

Soon

trembling in her soft and chilly nest,

in sort of wakeful swoon, perplexed she

lay until the popped warmth of sleep

oppressed her sootheed limbs and soul

fatigued

away.

[Music]

For your precious love

mean

[Music]

love

Half time. I thought we had it. I really

did. What was wrong with Gloria? She

played like an eight. Her cousin goes to

one, too. Do you know Gary's playing

Junior? Gary Lo? Do you think he's

better than Billy Watson? Billy Watson

thinks he's the best in WA, but Gary is.

Molly thinks Gary's the most superl

looking guy in the whole school. Oh, I

think she's right. Better looking than

Danny Valleti. Danny Valleti. Anyone

seen the milk? Don't you think he looks

a bit like Elvis Presley? Elvis Presley?

Just his eyes. He's got eyes just like

Elvis Presley.

Danny Valleti. Have you seen him in

Bthers? Oh, wow. If you think Tony's

about built Tony, Tony Weaver, Shelley

Mccalpine.

It's the way he looks at me. Hey, why

don't we go to the beach on Sunday? We

might see Gary Lloyd there.

[Music]

[Music]

That's how easy it could be. ABC

Rock and Rolling School of Love. Rock

and roll.

Rock and roll.

You and me. We could go together

somewhere.

[Music]

Come on, baby.

I'll be

sure.

May I

It grieves me to have to bring this

matter to your attention, Mrs. Riddle,

but your son has a long record of minor

and more serious misdemeanors.

Bearing that in mind, I think you'll

appreciate the exceptional gravity of

his latest um

Ken is planning to study art when he

finishes school. Mr. Reynolds, Mrs. Mrs.

Riddle, would you call this art?

You only have to see the nudes in the

National Gallery to The sun is

astonishingly prolific, Mrs. Riddle.

Even the great Leonardo would have been

impressed.

But the evidence suggests that what we

have here is not so much a collection of

priceless works of art

as an extensive, and I gather very

lucrative underground industry.

Curiosity, experiments, funny jokes. I

know it's all part of growing up, Kim,

but look where it's got you. Now we have

to look for another school. I am sick of

school, Mom. Jeez, Ken, come on. Keep

moving. And your drawing technique is

terrible.

[Music]

Ivy,

what's happened?

I want to stay the night with you.

I've put her to bed. Oh. Um, Gwen phoned

in a bit of a state. I should think so.

I should think she's at her wit's end.

What on earth did you tell him? Sorry. 2

hours to tell him the facts of life.

Well, he he had a lot of questions. Do

you? I could have told him the facts of

life in 5 minutes. All he needs to know

anyway.

What's so funny?

Sorry.

[Music]

[Music]

Mr. Ballinger.

Ah, Ken. Uncle Bear. Well, let's face

it. If you weren't my nephew, you

wouldn't have got the job. Not with your

record. Not that I could get any details

out of Dory. Then, uh, your aunt's

always been a bit on the prudish side.

Oh, sit down. So, um, ladies in all

their glory, was it bit of the old, uh,

Reuben's or or was it more medigani lie

than sineuous? Sort of in between, I

suppose. I see. And, um, no fig leaves,

I gather. Oh, no. My words. So, quite

explicit, were they? You could say so.

Yes.

What an extraordinary imagination. Not

really. I did them all from memory.

Off the Calgulia, right, Maris Bage sign

and dated invoices.

Can you tell me what you call this

particular garment?

Sure. Which explains why you sent two

dozen of these to Mclavities instead of

two dozen of these. Ah, Max, I'd like

you to meet my nephew, Kenneth. Nice to

meet you, Kenny. Uh, Mr. Wiseman, apart

from being a well-known whipped and rack

on tour, is our chief sales

representative. And young Ken here is

poised to make his mark in the wholesale

clothing industry. Ideal. Welcome

aboard. Thanks, sir. Come on, Ken. Now,

this is the general dispatch department

where we uh dispatch things generally.

And uh this is Mr. Baskin, commisar of

the dispatch department. That was

Kenneth. Kenneth. Hello. And ah here we

have uh two recent arrivals from the

Warker G. and uh Mrs. Costanites. Hello.

Hello. And Mrs. Leventus. Hello. How do

you do? Right then. Um well, over to

you, Arthur. Right, Mr. Ballinger. I

presume you know the difference between

shirts on shorts.

Of course. Then perhaps you could

explain that difference to uh Mrs.

Costanites and Mrs. Leventes.

Bring my

help.

Mr.

Kenneth, take my chip. I thought you'd

gotten lost.

Greek biscuit. The best. My daughter for

you. Thanks.

You good boy. You good boy, Kenny.

Either you want the stuff that sticks or

the stick that's stuffed.

Hey, Kenny. Kenny. Kenny, stick around.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. See you, Ted.

You hear the one about the lingerie

salesman from Parabadoo?

[Music]

Let's see. Roses are red, violets are

blue.

All day long, I've been thinking of you.

Perfect.

Can I grab a mustache? Yourself a favor,

Kenny.

Wait till you can grow a really nice

one.

You see, Kenny, most fellas, it's wham,

bam, thank you, ma'am. No style, no

finesse. All they think about is rushing

off to tell their mates. Then they

wonder why next time they get rejected.

Who's that? It's my mom. Yeah. There's a

fellow Mr. Williams.

Boyfriend.

Mom, this is Mr. Wiseman. He gave me a

lift. Max Wiseman. I've heard a lot

about you from Herbert. Oh, it's a

pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Riddle. Now,

that is a fetching outfit. May I say how

much I admire your taste. Thank you.

Terrific cut. What? Uh, from a pattern.

No, I designed it myself. Better be on

our way, Gwen. Well, you're wasting your

time making dresses, Mrs. Riddle.

Herbert's told me never to believe a

salesman, especially one as good as you.

Seriously, we uh we should talk about

this.

We want to be over at Mandaring Wear

before sunset. There's a huge flock of

black cockatos that roost there. An

incredible sight to see them coming in.

Well, nice to meet you, Mr. Wiseman.

Ivy's making supper, can he? Well, you

won't catch me under a flock of black

cockatos.

Not without an umbrella anyway.

Your mom's a good sport, Kenny.

See you in the morning. Well, thanks for

everything, Mr. Wiseman. Hey, hey, hey.

Forget the Mr. Wiseman crap.

It's Max.

I think Miss Evans and Mr. Driver are

having a scene. What makes you think

that? Just the way they always seem to

be together and they'll both be on camp

and I'm sure it's not an accident.

Am I lazy?

So if they keep disappearing into the

forest together, I can just see me

sevens.

No. Come on, Terry.

You can do better than that. If there's

one thing I cannot abide, it's lack of

effort.

[Laughter]

For your precious love

means more to me.

Any love could never be.

Roses are red, violets are blue. All of

my life I've been waiting for you.

Oh, Ken,

take me again.

You think he's all right? Can

it's like he blacked out or something or

had some kind of fit.

Anybody got a light?

Hell is it? You never got married, Max?

Why buy a book when you can uh join the

library?

I'm lost in the jungle down in

[Music]

the river. Thought I knew

[Music]

I came across a cample.

Well, Ken, what are you Rick? Sim

shaking like the world had never seen.

Excuse me, ladies, but how'd you like to

rub shoulders with two of the most

eligible and attractive men in the whole

of Perth? Oh, love to. Where do we find

him? Well, I can see you and ladies of

taste and discernment. Quite. And we are

very fussy who we mix with, too. If you

don't mind, we just have a chat

together. Allow me to introduce my

associate, Mr. Kenneth Riddle. Sit down,

Kenny. Mr. Riddle is a junior executive

in my organization. I am Max Weissman.

I'm single and sold. I'm also charming,

witty, sensitive, and understanding. But

don't take my word for it. I'm quite a

group of high in testimonials. Elizabeth

Taylor, Marilyn Monroe, a gardener

secretary. Tripus. Tripus. I like it.

And for whom do you try? The meat

commission by some chance. I work for

the electricity commission. I'm alive.

Why?

Watch out for Max. He could shock you.

Shirley. Sorry, Mory. Don't tell me.

I'll get them eventually. Uh, Janet,

Ollie, she's Brendan. I'm Irene. That

saves a bit of time for business.

Brenda, I'm fine, thanks. I can see

that, darling. But would you care for

another drink? No thanks, Irene. If you

insist. Come on, Brenda. Let me see. Two

more drinks for the ladies and a couple

of beers for the gentlemen.

So, uh, what do you do for a living,

Irene? I work for the fisheries

department. Oh, that's a good line to

be. Tell me more. You got me all.

Thought it was an ashtray. What are you

doing next? For fun or for a living? A

living? Well,

we're in the rag train. I'm marketing

director. And over there, you're looking

at the future MD of Ballinger Company.

Oh, quite frankly, Irene, I thought you

might be in the fashion. Me? Well, I

have no good taste when I see it.

Sure you don't want one? I've already

got too many vices as it is. Just

launched the new atomic bra and girdle

combination, ladies. Atomic? Yeah. For

maximum fall out. I'll get you one if

you like. Just got to check the size.

Is it 24? Excuse me. We don't serve

people under 21. And the fact is that

you shouldn't be here at all. It's okay,

March. He's actually 27. It's a case of

arrested development. All right. I'll

let you stay. But no alcohol.

Harry.

I was just going anyway.

seriously. I ran a few

Kenny.

Working late night. Yeah.

Like it?

It's great.

Oh, well, I'm pleased with it. I've got

to look my best. It's a do for the

London chairman of Mr. Williams Bank.

You can imagine how everyone's going to

be turned out.

What's the matter?

Nothing. Well, Ken,

it's not going to happen again. You

know,

remember Mr.

Alton Motors?

Well, he wanted to marry me, but I

turned him down. Not because I wanted

to, because of you and Ivy, because of

all the fuss the pair of you kicked up.

If you want to go out with Mr. Williams,

can't even bring yourself to greet him.

How do you think that makes me feel?

Ivy likes him. Why the hell shouldn't

you? It's your business, Mom. You bet

it's my business. And whatever this

leads to, if it's what I want to do,

then you might as well accept it.

[Music]

[Music]

Kenny.

Kenny,

you have to help me. I've tried

everything.

Oh, careful. You'll tear the fabric. See

if you can't do the zipper.

It's all jammed up. Oh, I'm so late.

Where's Ivy? When I need her. Well, do

you want me to call Maisie?

See if you can undo my bra. Then we'll

sort of ease the whole thing off.

Help

me, Kenny, so it doesn't tear.

Thanks.

And while I was wandering about in the

gors, there he was bagging bogeies and

birdies.

Well, now I have an opportunity to

tackle him on my home ground and I hope

retrieve some of Australia's honor as

well as my own. Ladies and gentlemen,

without further ado, I give you Sir

Harry Harvey Watt.

My uh good friend Sirill is extremely

self- aacing.

What he has omitted to mention

and when on the 16th he chipped one out

of the bunker and into the hole, I felt

as Lord might had he delivered a short

one to Bradman.

Would you mind passing me that bottle of

wine, please?

Sorry. As for the wine, as for the

gentleman wants the wine. As for the

challenge match, the wine, I shall not

only require my wife, don't worry,

Dorothy. He doesn't want it to caddy for

me, but also impose the additional

responsibility

frightening away the kangaroos.

[Laughter]

[Music]

That's pretty good.

I shan be seeing Mr. Williams anymore.

We um we had a long talk and we both

realized that

night Kenny. Good night, Mom.

Got any spare order sheets? I seem to

have run out. There was a young lady

called Julie down from a place called

Calguri. Max, please. I'm in a hurry. He

gave her a quid. You know what she did?

Now, uh Mr. Baskin is in charge of the

day-to-day running of the warehouse.

He'll be your immediate superior. Oh,

surely don't have our word for you a

moment. Thanks. Good on you, mate.

Kenneth.

Kenneth.

This is Barry Mcjanet. Good to meet you,

Ken. What? He is our new assistant,

Stormman. The boss been telling me

you're all working your asses off. He

said we were going through a

particularly busy period. Mrs. Riddle,

it's Max Wisman. I've uh been doing some

thinking. Where do I start? Well, all

these boxes here have to be opened and

unpacked. This one, right? Yep.

You better check with Arthur first.

Seriously, Arthur's the boss.

Sorry.

I took the liberty of mentioning it to

Mr. Ballinger, and he's interested now.

It's an ideal opportunity. It's crazy.

I'm just an ordinary dress maker. Well,

Ken tells me you've studied dress

design. Do you know when that was before

the war? Mrs. Riddle, believe me, I know

what I'm doing. Now, you won't have to

say a thing. I'll do all the talking.

How unusual. 10:00 Thursday. Oh, and uh

I want you to wear the same dress I saw

you in the other evening. You know, the

one you wore when you went to catch the

cockatos.

I didn't say yes. Well, you didn't say

no.

[Music]

What do you reckon, Harry?

Only one question. How much do you want

to spend?

About 50 quid. I can't believe it. Just

come and have a look at this. Any idea

what you're looking at? Oh, an FX hold.

A bargain of a lifetime. Private sale

belong to my brother-in-law. I'm selling

it as a favor. No commission, no markup.

Now, he's asking 70, but I know he'll

take 60.

How much have you got, Barry?

Not even 50.

I can lend you 20.

See what I mean? Mhm. Well, I only do

them to amuse myself. Mrs. Riddle, would

you mind standing up for a moment,

please? Just look at this, Mr.

Ballinger. It's fresh. It's original,

striking. Now, it's chic, and it's very

sophisticated. Now, I've taken a look at

what's in the stores, and I can assure

you there's absolutely no comparison.

This is style, Mr. Ballinger. This is

dynamite.

[Music]

[Music]

Hi.

I was wondering how would you like to go

to the drive-in with me? Friday night.

The drive-in? How? I mean, need a car to

go to a drive-in. My mate's got one.

Barry Mc Janet. He works with me at

Ballingers. I'm probably going out on

Friday.

Pity. We were saying girl can't help it.

supposed to be terrific. Yeah, I know.

Everybody's talking about it.

So, what do you reckon?

Only if I have he comes, too.

Who's hanging with that? Barry, about

Friday. Have you spoken to Janelle? I'm

seeing her after work. And you're

definitely going to take her? Well, I

got to ask her first. Sure, Scotty. Not

sure. Well, well, I was thinking how how

about my sister? My sister's driving

Ivy. Why don't you ask her? Your sister?

Well, she's okay. You know, what do you

mean? Well, I reckon she'd be all right.

What is this? Sorry, this. Oh, well, I

don't know what you call it in Pomuland,

but in this country, it's known as a

singlet. Not on these premises.

Me mom will give me hell if I take it

off. of you know what I mean Janet. This

is not a building site. We do not go

around like navies here.

So what do you reckon, Barry?

You're you're telling me your your

sister's like good for a good time.

Reckon if you went about it the right

way.

[Music]

The end of the road.

[Music]

The end of the road.

[Music]

Going to buy me a drive to the end of

the road.

How you doing, Ivy?

Feeling awful. Ivy,

what's the funny smell in this car?

Some beer got spilled.

Smells more like someone's been sick.

Oh, yeah. I think Oh, why why don't you

sit in the front? What for?

Well, there's no smell in here. I'm

happy I am. Thanks. Baby, please open up

the door. You got all I need a little

bit more.

It's all right for me,

baby. Baby, it's all right for me.

Well, I never seen a daddy cry so much.

She's my baby and I got stuff funny.

You're so right for me,

baby. Baby, you're so right for me.

[Music]

Come on.

[Music]

You want to dance?

Thanks.

Baby, you're so right for me. Get us

there. You got to be.

[Music]

Hey, Skinny.

Hey,

[Music]

Skinny. You got someone your own size.

She might rip your bloody arm off.

You got the sweetest lips when I kiss

your baby.

[Music]

Baby, you me.

If you don't shut up, I'm going to smash

your head right through this windscreen.

[Music]

Mason, are you all right?

Okay.

You okay?

Yeah.

Henry on Jimmy on

[Music]

sing. Come on everybody get to join the

rock

and rock is what we do. Rock rock

everybody rock

everybody rock

everybody rock

everybody rock

everybody rock

rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock

rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock

rock rock rock rock when you go out and

hop the joint to rock all you do is give

us a call we'll be down on the spot

rocket is our business and rocket is

what we do

rocket Rock everybody

rock everybody

rock everybody

rock everybody rock

everybody rock

everybody

rock everybody

rock

baby

sound is haing

Each time I hear your name,

it's all I can do to stand alone and cry

in the shadows of love.

[Music]

[Music]

But you know the answer company always

the same waiting waiting waiting.

There's the size.

I got more on order. You know the Hi.

Can I help you? No, it's okay. I'm just

waiting for my mother. Mrs. Costanites.

Oh, it's you that makes the biscuits.

Yeah.

Valet. I'm going to an audition of Swan

Lake. Well, that's terrific. Yeah, but

there'll be lots of others. I'll keep my

fingers crossed. Thanks.

[Music]

Ella. Ella, we're going to be late.

Ellen Ken Ken is my daughter. She's very

beautiful. She's going to be beautiful.

Dancer Dez, I'm sorry. I fixing up your

order in the morning. We're going to be

late.

Bye.

Jeez, Barry. Did you see that? Hey, Mrs.

Costaniti's daughter. Whoa. Oh, yeah.

Beautiful.

She just left with her mom.

Her name's Elanie. Yo, Elanie. I just

know I'm going to see her again. Yeah.

Well, you try it on there, mate. And

those Greeks will have your balls for

breakfast. Elanie, isn't that a terrific

name? Hey, maybe I could ask her to the

drive-in with your Maisy. Yeah, Maisy's

gone off me. Thinks I'm not good enough

for her. I think it's Ivy that's what's

done it. Just when I was about to crack

it. Crack it with Maisie. Not with Ivy,

that's for sure. How near did you get?

One flee to the other. Shall we walk or

take a dog? I see.

So, we're having a nice little party,

are we?

Listen to this. Uh, you hear about the

Chinese couple that got divorced? Well,

she went back to peeking and he went

back to wanking. Get out of here.

Did you hear what I said, Mc Janet?

Read it, Arthur. It'll do wonders for

your sense of humor.

[Music]

So you got children, Mrs. Redell got

twins, a boy and a girl.

And what's your husband doing? My

husband died in the war.

[Music]

Good.

There you go. So, how we doing? You were

right. They're terrific. Yeah, they're

not a bad lot for a bunch of ws. Hey,

but this man's very cheeky. Let me just

take him back.

So, you're finding yourself a nice

pretty widow, huh? Kazanova.

She make them special for you.

Elena, it's her birthday on Sunday.

She's 16. We're going to have big party.

Would you like to come? I'll be there.

Good boy.

Okay, come on.

[Music]

Dr. Baskin.

Quite certainly, Mr. Ballinger,

Mrs. Questes, I will attend to this

personally upon my return. However, I've

just been invited to lunchon with Mr.

Ballinger. Oh, very nice.

Would you like this?

An antipodian delicacy, Mrs. Costin.

The account's always a message. Shirley

got promoted. Oh, stop winging. Yeah,

he's a better daughter than you are.

Shut up. Y

It was a mistake.

[Music]

An accident.

[Music]

It wasn't Arthur. It was Barry and I.

She's gone.

[Music]

[Music]

Well, Gwen, with your talent and my

looks

and a bit of luck.

Hey. Hey, you giving any thought to a

label?

Perhaps Gwen Riddle sounds as exotic as

Christian Dior sounds to us. You'll have

to do better than that. Go for something

French, like you say, exotic.

Is this really happening? Sure is.

And couldn't possibly be four dozen

pairs of cloth, sir.

Yes, Mr. Mclavity. I'll do that for you

first thing tomorrow. Thank you very

much, sir.

Is it two? It's your birthday, Arthur.

Yes. 21. Jeez. Congratulations.

Thank you, Kennet. It's okay.

Janet.

Well, uh, aren't you going to buy a

mirror?

The celebration's tonight. My family's

giving me a party.

Besides, you know the rule about

drinking at lunchtime. How about after

work? Eh,

you can go into pubs now. Yeah, bottle

shops.

Oh, I get it. You want me to buy booze

for you? No, it was just that. Yes, I

know what you were thinking. Right now,

I have a lot of orders to get out. This

is Costa need.

Why didn't you think of doing this years

ago? You make it sound so easy. You need

money, the right connections, heaps of

confidence. In this business, for every

success, there's 100 failures. You won't

fail, Mom. What makes you so sure?

Because you're terrific. That's why.

You've no idea how much that means to

me.

Then this is your lucky day.

Look,

house of elegance.

I think you've got it.

[Music]

Aren't you going to invite us to your

party?

[Music]

Well, that's not very friendly.

Well, it's it's not what you chaps would

call a party.

No alcohol.

No booze. It's not allowed in our house.

So, who's gone? Oh,

people from our church.

[Music]

Better get you home, man. Oh, no more.

It's not even 6:00.

You might get to like that stuff.

Bloody pommy bastard.

I know that's what you're calling me

behind my back. I've never heard anybody

call you that. Arthur winger.

Winging bloody pom. Well, if they did,

I'm sure they didn't mean it. Oh, sure.

Like, one of my best mates is a pommy

bastard. We call them that all the time.

We're just a bunch of Aussie bastards.

What's the difference?

Well, they tell you there is a

difference.

I am not a pummy bastard.

I'm a Welsh bastard.

[Music]

Arthur. Arthur, is that you?

Arthur, where have you been? Your

mother's so worried about you.

Arthur.

[Laughter]

No, I'm not. I'm a bastard.

[Music]

Who told you that? A friend of mine.

Yes. Go on. Look,

take my advice, eh? Yes. It's time. Park

your car around the corner.

Oh, Morris. I told him someone saw his

car parked in Hay Street. What? H street

been the one. Max

Thompson brothers on my line.

Mom and I are going to guard camp at the

weekend.

Gee, mom. Tada.

From the house of elegance. Oh, wow.

Mr. Osman.

He's going to introduce me to some very

important people in the business. So,

wish me luck. With a name like the House

of Elegance, you can't go wrong. Say

good evening. I know. I'll probably be

late, so don't wait up. Maybe.

Mr. Wiseman. Hello.

This way, please.

There you are.

No, no, it's a table for four.

[Music]

Thank you. An empiric, Mr. Was. Um, uh,

just a soda water for me, please. Got to

be on my toes, haven't I? And the usual

for you, sir. Yes. Yes. Thank you. Thank

you, but

Willie.

I'll be glad when this is all over. Just

relax and enjoy the evening. Okay. Look,

um, you're more used to this than I am.

I'll answer questions when I have to,

and I'll leave the rest up to you. Okay.

Okay.

[Music]

Hey, did you hear the one about the

Irishman who thought that a pair of

teeth was a set of dentures? Watch it.

My father was Irish. Oh, sorry.

You know, it's funny. My mother was dead

against me during the course in dress

design. She um she wanted me to be a

nurse like her. The daddy said follow

your dream. So what? Why didn't you?

Oh, follow your dream.

Oh, marriage, children, the war.

Now's your chance to do something about

it. Sure. Better late than never. Yeah.

Well,

are you a dream come true?

Shouldn't

we um be waiting for the others?

Gwen, it's only us.

Look, look, I took a gamble. I thought

if I asked you out to dinner, just just

the two of us, and maybe you would

the table for two.

[Music]

Soft lights, sweet music.

No wonder everyone knows you. This is

where you bring all your flooies, isn't

it? To hot them up. Huh?

Gwen,

take me home. Gwen, listen. You said

take me home. What?

[Music]

Gwen,

anything wrong, Mr. Wise? No, it's fine.

Thank you, Bernard. Mr. Wisman.

Okay, I admit it. It was a stupid thing

to do. But put yourself in my place. In

your place? I would have said, "Let's go

out for dinner together." I wouldn't

have lied about it. You would have said

no. No, I wouldn't.

For two days, I've been gearing myself

up for this, thinking about about what I

was going to say and how I was.

Gwen, look, I'm truly sorry. I honestly

thought that Take me home.

I will set up the meeting. I'll let you

know. Let's get something quite

straight, Max. Whatever your original

motives, we've really started something

and I believe in it. I want it to

succeed. All I ask of you is to behave

like my partner, not like a bloody

traveling salesman.

See you in. Don't bother.

[Music]

[Music]

I'll see you on Friday.

There was a young lady called Julie who

came from a town called Algouli. If you

gave her a quid, you know what she did?

She pulled down her pants and said,

"Screw me."

[Music]

Why can't you know

what? Pause. Pause.

Watching

[Music]

Max knows a fellow who went to one in

New York. You could choose whatever you

wanted. blonde, brunette, red head, fat

or thin. The whole place was just packed

with them. It was like a big fancy

hotel. You could order drinks, there was

music, there was dancing. Max's mate, he

got one with tits as big as watermelons.

Jeez, how can you tell if you've got VT?

[Music]

Going into the air.

[Music]

Maybe it's a sign. An omen like telling

us to turn back.

Maybe I should have worn me bloody dusk

out.

[Music]

Mr.

in my little picture.

It's a mad house, but a happy one, huh?

Not for me.

[Music]

Hey, Mrs. Max. Come on, mama. Get the

crap. Huh?

[Music]

Well, we're getting there.

Know what this is, ladies?

Our first order.

Going to get a praying.

There you go. You all right? I've got

some ideas for a range of evening wear.

Very chic, very sophisticated. Great.

Did you know that the strapless gown is

held up mainly by public opinion? Oh,

Max.

What's wrong?

Ivy's gone to a guides camp for the

weekend, and uh Kenny's gone fishing at

Manger. It's It's the first time I spent

the night on my own house. It's not much

fun, eh? No.

Well, why don't we go and have a bite to

eat? Well, why not? Let's celebrate. You

choose somewhere really nice.

You fellas on petrol or you running out

of steam?

Where you fell's gone? Calgi,

we're going to visit my sister.

She works in a hall house.

[Laughter]

Good evening, Mr. Wise. Bernard, a table

for two.

This all seems vaguely familiar. Have we

been here before by any chance? Oh, no.

It's coming back to me now. It wasn't

with you. It was with some smartass in

the rape trade who's trying to give the

right pants.

And a pair of teeth. Uh, a very dry

martini. Thank you for that. Yeah, it'll

make mine a scotch. Should be followed

by a bottle of champagne. Mhm. The usual

will be fine. Good. Certainly.

What's the matter, Max? Don't you like

it here,

Willie?

Man,

[Music]

woman needs man.

[Music]

Some can't get in.

[Music]

Some just can't.

I found you, baby.

Now what? We just got to wait till she

cools down.

I heard if you get syphilis, it's like

pissing boiling water.

I wonder which is worse, syphilis or

gonaria.

What else Max tell you about that place

in Hong Kong? Baby, I love y'all.

Baby, I need good

[Music]

satisfying

[Music]

love. You give so much

handsome.

[Music]

Aren't they supposed to have red lights?

Jeez. Maybe they're all hollow houses.

There's no point. Let's go home. Shut

up, buddy. Well, I think was

bullshitting about Hong Kong.

Maybe you got a tooth, like a signal.

[Music]

You go and ask. Go on. You go and ask.

Maybe Annie's right. It's just a lot of

[ __ ] You mean we came all this way

for nothing?

I go.

I

piss off piss off.

There's a bloody mro.

That's it. I saw the red headlight.

Well, what are we waiting for?

Arthur, come on, man. I just look after

the car for a way. Oh, come on, Arthur.

We're all in this together.

I see how you go.

Well, uh, let me a shirt then.

Either you're bloody late or bloody

early.

What can I do for you all the same?

You're looking for girls, are you? Well,

come on then. Don't be shy. That's the

way. Come on. Come inside.

Come on. Come on.

Come on.

How now? Who would you like? is Dixie,

Rita,

Michelle, Chantel, Susette,

Elaine,

Elaine,

Watermelons. Wake up, sweetie.

Oh, Jesus Christ, Mona. It's 6:30. I

know, sweetie, but we've got two

gentlemen just come in, and one of

them's asked especially for you. Well,

tell him to [ __ ] off, Eli. Christ, Mona,

what do you think I am? I've been up all

bloody night. You're one of my girls,

sweetie. And as such, I expect you to

get with somebody else. I'll speak to

you later, Elaine.

Don't you run away, boys.

If you want me to go, I will go. Just

tell me to my face. I said we'd discuss

it later. Do you know what time I got to

sleep? Mrs. Rita, just cuz you own this

place, it does not mean that you own me.

Oh, kindly keep your voice down, Elaine.

Why does it always have to be me? Why

not your precious little Dixie for a

change or Chantel?

Do I really have to put up with this

sort of [ __ ] Working all night and all

day. This is Dixie.

I don't want to talk about it later. I

want to talk about it now. You're too

tired to work. You're too tired to talk,

so go back to sleep. When you wake up,

you can start packing your things. You

can't fire me. You need me. That's what

you think, sweetie.

[Music]

Excuse me.

Love that girl. Oh, it's£2 for half an

hour. I o

[Music]

love that girl.

Jesus.

[Music]

Come on, man.

You sure about this? That's what we're

here for, isn't it?

[Music]

No kissing.

[Music]

It's uh helps to take your trousers off.

Star trouble. Where you from?

Perlay

back on the bed watching him tearing off

his clothes.

Never before had she seen a man so mad

with lust, so ravenous for her body.

Come on, baby. The clock's ticking.

[Music]

You've still got 25 minutes.

[Music]

Why I love that girl?

Why

I love

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

She said, "It's what you get paid for."

And I said, "Who the hell do you think I

am?" And now she's fired you. I told

her, you know, she says, "I'm the one

they always ask for." That is [ __ ]

Those two little [ __ ] have never

even been here before. What

am I working cuz you said no? If I can

say no, then so can you. So, who's going

to look after the customers when they

arrive at 6:30 in the morning? Nobody.

They're supposed to be open all hours.

Yeah. Well, it's time that changed.

That's for Mona to say. Why? Why

shouldn't we have a say as well? Who

earns all the bloody money anyway? If it

wasn't for Mona, we wouldn't be here. Do

you know that she's quiet? Forget it.

Told her to pack up and go to you

already. No. No. Now, you came here for

a good time, and a good time is what

you're going to get. Oh, come off it,

Mona. I have never turned someone away

and I'm not about to start now. Fine,

then you look after him. Mona, if Ela

goes, I'm going too. And so will Suz

Well,

forget it. What happened? Nothing.

Nothing happened. Oh, where's Barry? I

don't know.

Come on. What do you mean nothing

happened?

Ken, Ken,

you come all the way from Perth

for this.

[Music]

We got the money.

[Music]

Come and get it.

Come on.

[Music]

What's your name?

Ken.

Don't go. Ken.

[Music]

Who can

Freda? Oh, I thought you gone. We're

having a meeting at 11:00. Mona said

12:00. She's already talked to Chantel

and Michelle. The rest of us have got to

stick together and decide exactly what

we're going to say. We've got to start

standing up for our rights. So, we need

your support. Okay. Well, be careful

what you say to Rita. It'll all get back

to Mona. [ __ ] Michelle, what are you

talking about? You and Chantel and

Dixie. What about us? You just see if

she says anything against Mona at the

meeting. And don't say I didn't warn

you. Stupid [ __ ] Speak for yourself,

you little [ __ ] face. You should have

put your foot down the same as Elaine.

Why should I? Work whenever I want. 6:30

in the bloody morning. I had car

troubles coming on the way from Pur. And

guess what? He's a virgin.

A

six kg in the voice of the golden mile.

And right now he's the hottest tune in

the desert.

1 2 3. That's how easy it could be. ABC.

[Music]

I thought the car was abandoned. Oh, no.

I'm I'm just fixing the accelerator,

actually.

Okay, then

[Music]

baby, give it to me. Give it to me like

a randy young bullock. Oh, what a hunk

of mate. What a red blooded virgin book.

Well, this time you've been waiting and

waiting. Getting Randy by the day. My

Randy is just about going to burst. Come

on, baby.

That's better. That's better.

My Randy block

doesn't matter. Again,

another 15 minutes. Okay.

Come on, baby. Let's start again. A

bulock. How can it be a bullock? A

bullock is a castrated bull. [ __ ]

It is. Ask anybody. A bulock? Isn't a

bulock like a young bull? No, it's

something different. Well, I'll be

bugged.

Hey, you're losing interest

a little. Can't have your money back?

It's too late. Come on, baby. You'll

manage. You'll see.

Addie. Addie. Um,

can you lend me a couple of quid?

Bloody, I'm always lending you money.

And this time

I cracked it. Hell, Ken. Where's Barry?

Went back for another.

What was it like?

ideal

[Music]

that I cry

from lon

[Music]

but not the weather folks. It's going to

be a great great day with a virtual.

[Music]

Hello. Everything okay? Just thought I'd

check. Everything's fine. And um thank

you for a lovely evening. I really

enjoyed it. My pleasure. Right now.

Well, I was wondering if you felt like

going out somewhere. What did you have

in mind? It's always King's Park. It's

not very original. You have to think of

something better than that, Max.

[Music]

Yes, the door

is still open

to my heart.

[Music]

[Music]

back.

Look at this.

[Music]

Buddy, I should have No, no. Shut up.

Shut up, buddy. Never before. Shut up.

What? What does he want?

What's your name, son? Hi. I'm address.

Sorry.

Mcjanet.

Barry Mcjanet. Well, Mr. Janet, do you

care to explain how you, your mate, and

the expert mechanic here come to be in

possession of a stolen vehicle?

[Music]

I have to warn you, I know nothing about

sailing. Neither do I.

[Music]

Well, at least it wasn't a case of your

place or mine.

[Music]

Don't move.

[Music]

find anybody? Yes.

It isn't due until after 6:00. Jeez,

that's another 5 hours. Let's go back to

Mona's place. Oh, sure. Like there's

lovely. Come on, why not? Because we

barely enough money left for our tickets

back to Perth.

You might manage a cup of tea. Amazing

grace,

how sweet

the sound

that save

a rich

like me.

Ken told me about your husband.

Sounded like quite a guy. Kids don't

even remember him.

What makes you mention George? Just

thinking.

How's it you never got married again?

Don't tell me nobody ever asked you

because I won't believe it. Then don't.

Look over there, mate.

Over there. What?

Oh jeez.

Come in. You can trust me. on the side.

[Music]

Gra.

[Music]

No, Max, don't be silly.

[Music]

So finally mission accomplished.

Gwen,

I promise you I didn't plan this. No.

Oh, Max, you disappoint me after all

I've heard. No, I hope. Sure, but I

didn't expect it. No, I didn't.

I'm jacking.

[Music]

Jeez, Barry. Arthur's telling everybody.

He's bragging about it. He's making it

sound like all three of us got fixed up

at Monas. So, fellas, how'd you make out

in the flesh pot?

The whole bloody world knows.

You reckon if I send it to Mona's place?

H Street Algoui. It'll get to her.

Telephone

Dixie.

Hello. Can Riddle speaking? Good

morning, Mr. Riddle. This is Dr. Yun

Fish of the Department of Sexually

Transmissible Diseases. Are you there?

Our Kouli clinic reports this morning

that a certain lady of shall we say Easy

Virtue tested positive and we're anxious

to trace all of her recent uh visitors.

She's provided us with a list upon which

the name Ken appears.

It can't be me. I've never been to

Calgi. Mr. Riddle, we were assisted by

the police in tracing you. Still there,

Mr. Riddle? Yes. Well, we'd like you to

come into the state laboratory for a

checkup. uh about 10:00 on Thursday. I

appreciate your need for discretion.

What's up?

[Music]

pregnant. It's as wild as last year. Ah,

terrific every year. How you doing, eh?

I don't know. Not too good. Oh, no. No.

You can't tell yet. You won't know for

certain till after the test.

Well, I warned you, didn't I?

He's got the stapler.

Couple of jabs, that's all it takes.

Kenny, mind you, I hear there's a new

strain going around. One poor bugger got

it so bad they had to amputate. Amputate

what? What do you think?

Jagging, mate.

Hey, come on, Ken.

Dispatch out the basket.

Yes, certainly.

Kenneth, telephone.

Dr. Flobisha.

Hello,

Mr. Little. It's occurred to me that it

might save us both a bit of time if you

just send us a spamm sample.

I at your alias convenience.

How do I get Come, come, Mr. Little. If

you have any problems, I suggest you ask

Mr. Wiseman for his advice. He's

extremely knowledgeable on these masks.

Don't get

Audrey.

see them next. Okay.

Ah, that's where they were. I've been

looking all over the place for them.

These are for my mother. No, mate. A

lady called Louise. Gwen.

Look, Kenny. Um,

let's go and have a nice quiet drink.

Anything I want to know, eh? All this

fashion crap. You don't think I know

what you're on about? No, it's not true.

It's not what you think. Don't give me

your [ __ ] You just calm down. All

right.

Okay. All right. All right. Come on.

It's not what you think, Kenny. Wasn't

just another

I fell in love with her.

Look, it was something that happened. It

pro probably won't happen again. She

didn't exactly spell it out, but I um I

got the message.

Maybe I'm not the right guy for her.

Funny enough,

she's the first woman I ever fell in

love with who didn't feel the same way

about me.

[Music]

No hard feelings een

[Music]

Ken.

And French seem to bought us on the

party frog. Ah, see. See, we do first

thing in the morning. Wonderful. Give

Rosa a good kiss for me. Ciao. Ciao.

Ken.

What happened?

Your face.

We were just fooling around. Have you

been in a fight?

Well, who did this to you? No, it's

nothing, Mom. It's nothing.

Well, come into the kitchen. I can look

at it properly. It's okay. Told you we

were just fooling around.

When Riddle's speaking

[Music]

and

my girl never

[Music]

talk to my mother's heard about Kouli,

you should have kept your bloody mouth

shut. It's not my fault. I didn't do

anything.

So, what's the problem?

You won't believe me. There come

[Music]

one of those.

[Music]

How you doing, Kenny?

[Music]

[Music]

And

my girl said,

can I just have a little bit of shush,

please? Just just bit just for a moment.

Thanks. Now, I have a very special

Christmas treat for you all tonight. The

premier range from the House of

Elegance.

Who's that?

Who's that?

Who was that?

She looks beautiful in green. Pink.

[Music]

She left me

[Music]

there.

[Applause]

[Music]

There she is, my talented and wonderful

sister.

Oh, and of course her partner in crime

and mastermind of the whole venture,

Max. Next up,

[Music]

the House of Elegance.

[Applause]

You were both terrific.

[Music]

Oh, uh, this is Arthur

Ma.

[Music]

You want to watch out for that? He's a

he's a bit of a dark horse. Look who's

talking. Now, a little bit of shush,

please. Just just for a moment. Now, we

have yet another Max Wisman triumph.

Allow me to present his good friend and

master of the rhythm and blues, little

Willie Littlefield.

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

How does an Aussie woman get a man's

attention?

She drops a egg and she wrapped around a

beer bottle.

Did I say what's funny? Did I Mom?

Now the stance

of course

[Music]

like a one peeping in the seafood store

where the hard work comes.

I said around the road. I said shake

around and roll. I said

I s

now. It's nice to see young Arthur

looking after my niece. Oh, she she's a

very retiring girl. She She needs to

have some fun.

[Music]

My turn. There's a young lady over there

who seems to be unattached.

What a lovely girl.

Kenny,

[Music]

Kenny,

thanks for the dance mom.

[Music]

Hi. Hi. How was the audition? Good. I'm

one of the swans. Congratulations. Of

course, thanks. You should come see the

show.

I can tell myself

I'm not all that great, but Would you

like to dance? Sure. That'd be

wonderful. Hey, I'll help you, mama.

Will you take my money and make my life?

I said,

I said and roll. I said

I said

that. My wife, she told me all about

you. You're the one that make that

business with a snake.

No, it was a mistake. Well, let me tell

you something. I laugh so much. I nearly

[ __ ] myself.

You drink Uzo, huh?

What's that?

[Music]

It's hard to blame my mind.

I s

I s

I s

[Music]

I can your hands alone

sing around and roll.

It's a hard life being on the road all

the time. Morris, isn't it? Excuse me.

You invited? I'm looking for Barry

McJanet.

Oh, hi Morris.

I

don't have plans and

I

don't Hello Barry

[Music]

since I don't have

I

don't have heart desires

and I

don't have happy hours.

I don't have

anything

since I don't have you.

I

don't have happiness.

And I bet

I never will ever again.

When you walk out on me

in the m

I

don't have love to share

and I

don't have

to car.

I

don't have

anything.

I said I don't

have

[Music]

you.

Oo

waffle

puff

[Music]

buff.

[Music]

I'm lost in the jungle down in

[Music]

heading up the river. Thought I knew the

way to go.

[Music]

When I came across a campfire and saw a

jungle queen,

[Music]

she was shimmy shimmy shaking like the

world had never seen.

Cha

like the girl from Zamb

[Music]

Up

up up up.

[Music]