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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:11,534 TED: Hi. - Hi. 2 00:00:12,645 --> 00:00:15,272 Okay. 3 00:00:17,650 --> 00:00:20,642 So I thought we'd try this new restaurant around the corner. 4 00:00:20,887 --> 00:00:22,354 It's Scottish-Mexican fusion. 5 00:00:22,589 --> 00:00:25,456 - Scottish-Mexican fusion? - Scottish-Mexican fusion. 6 00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:27,990 Those seem like two things that do not fuse. 7 00:00:28,228 --> 00:00:31,163 Perhaps you'll change your mind when you try their signature haggis enchiladas. 8 00:00:31,364 --> 00:00:35,494 - Ha, ha. Okay. Lead the way. - All right. Yeah. Come on. 9 00:00:36,436 --> 00:00:38,165 I was surprised when you called. 10 00:00:38,405 --> 00:00:41,670 Isn't there some universal guy rule to wait four days to call a girl? 11 00:00:41,908 --> 00:00:45,309 That does not ring a bell. And it's three days. 12 00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:46,569 [CHUCKLES] 13 00:00:46,780 --> 00:00:48,077 Here we are. 14 00:00:48,281 --> 00:00:50,340 [BAND PLAYING "MEXICAN HAT DANCE"] 15 00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:52,814 Uh, I did not realize there would be live music. 16 00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:55,146 So, uh, should we...? 17 00:00:55,388 --> 00:00:57,049 - Eat anywhere but here? Yeah. - Yeah. 18 00:00:57,323 --> 00:00:59,382 - Yeah. I'm sure we can find a place... - Yeah. 19 00:00:59,626 --> 00:01:02,390 ...where we don't need reservations. - You think it's easy? 20 00:01:02,629 --> 00:01:04,597 Stroll in off the street and get a meal? 21 00:01:04,864 --> 00:01:08,800 Well, let me tell you the tale of Gary Blauman. 22 00:01:09,002 --> 00:01:10,026 There's the blushing bride. 23 00:01:10,236 --> 00:01:11,567 - Oh. - Mwah. 24 00:01:11,771 --> 00:01:12,829 Gary Blauman. 25 00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:15,200 How are you? Oh, duh. 26 00:01:15,442 --> 00:01:18,536 Like I need to ask. You're getting married. 27 00:01:18,778 --> 00:01:22,680 Don't let me keep you. You have things to do. I'll see you walking down the aisle. 28 00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:26,113 I'll be the guy in the eighth row going like this: 29 00:01:26,986 --> 00:01:28,886 - Ha, ha. Right? ROBIN: Right. 30 00:01:29,122 --> 00:01:31,420 - Ah, good luck today. Okay. - Thank you. Ha, ha. 31 00:01:33,460 --> 00:01:35,325 - Hey, there's the blushing... - Code red! 32 00:01:48,508 --> 00:01:51,944 - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - Why the code red? 33 00:01:52,378 --> 00:01:56,212 If it's about your hair, I didn't even notice. Especially not from the back. 34 00:01:56,449 --> 00:01:58,383 - What? - Nothing. 35 00:01:58,618 --> 00:02:02,110 Gary Blauman's here. I had no idea he was coming. His reply card got lost. 36 00:02:02,388 --> 00:02:05,619 Where's he gonna sit? It took us weeks to plan the seating chart. 37 00:02:05,892 --> 00:02:07,291 Robin. 38 00:02:08,027 --> 00:02:09,654 Shh. 39 00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:11,791 - I got you. - Huh? 40 00:02:11,998 --> 00:02:15,263 You're talking to the seating-chart master. At my wedding, I managed to sit... 41 00:02:15,502 --> 00:02:20,371 ...small-town Minnesotans next to liberal New Yorkers with grace and aplomb. 42 00:02:20,607 --> 00:02:23,371 Table 27 still gets together once a year for a reunion. 43 00:02:23,610 --> 00:02:25,737 Perhaps you've seen their photos on Facebook? 44 00:02:28,281 --> 00:02:31,739 - Like I said, I got you. - Thanks, Marshall. 45 00:02:35,455 --> 00:02:36,581 [DOOR OPENS] 46 00:02:36,789 --> 00:02:38,780 - Hey. - Code red! 47 00:02:39,025 --> 00:02:42,961 Grandma sitting next to the band, divorced couples one table away from each other? 48 00:02:43,196 --> 00:02:47,030 No coherent singles table? This is the Robin's hair of seating charts. 49 00:02:47,300 --> 00:02:51,259 Singles tables are cruel. What if you went to a wedding with a table of fat guys? 50 00:02:51,504 --> 00:02:52,994 - That'd be awesome. - It would. 51 00:02:53,239 --> 00:02:56,333 Let's crack this Blauman nut, then work on the fat-guy table. 52 00:02:56,576 --> 00:02:59,443 - Wait. Did you say "Gary Blauman"? - Yeah, why? 53 00:02:59,679 --> 00:03:04,981 - I hate that guy. - Why? 54 00:03:05,218 --> 00:03:08,551 Remember a few years ago I read that biography of Teddy Roosevelt? 55 00:03:08,788 --> 00:03:13,122 For weeks after I read it, I only wanted to talk about one thing. 56 00:03:13,359 --> 00:03:16,328 Teddy Roosevelt was the coolest guy ever. 57 00:03:16,529 --> 00:03:17,518 [ALL GROAN] 58 00:03:17,730 --> 00:03:19,721 That's it. No more books, Ted. 59 00:03:19,999 --> 00:03:22,297 I don't like the person you become when you read. 60 00:03:22,535 --> 00:03:26,733 Here's the deal: You get to tell us one more interesting fact about Teddy Roosevelt. 61 00:03:27,006 --> 00:03:30,669 One more, and then you're done forever. So make it a good one. 62 00:03:30,910 --> 00:03:32,241 Okay. 63 00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:34,513 He went blind in one eye... 64 00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:38,180 ...from getting hit too hard in a boxing match... 65 00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:40,982 ...while he was president. 66 00:03:41,521 --> 00:03:42,681 - Wow. - That's a pretty good one. 67 00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:45,687 - Right? Oh, and when he was at Harvard... - Shut up! 68 00:03:45,925 --> 00:03:46,949 - No! - Please! 69 00:03:47,193 --> 00:03:51,391 TED: Well, one night, we were throwing a party to celebrate something... 70 00:03:51,598 --> 00:03:56,501 ... I can't remember what, when a pretty girl noticed the book on the table. 71 00:03:56,736 --> 00:03:58,533 I can't believe you have this book. 72 00:03:58,771 --> 00:04:03,208 I just finished reading it. Teddy Roosevelt was the coolest guy ever. 73 00:04:03,710 --> 00:04:05,109 A unicorn. 74 00:04:05,378 --> 00:04:06,402 TED: I couldn't believe it. 75 00:04:06,646 --> 00:04:10,582 It was a stroke of luck on par with the 50-page manuscript in Roosevelt's pocket... 76 00:04:10,817 --> 00:04:12,785 ... that slowed that would-be assassin's bullet. 77 00:04:13,052 --> 00:04:18,080 - Dude, come on. - Sorry. Anyway, enter Gary Blauman. 78 00:04:18,324 --> 00:04:22,124 Is that the Teddy Roosevelt biography? Coolest guy ever. 79 00:04:22,395 --> 00:04:25,922 - Right? Right? - Right? Right? 80 00:04:26,165 --> 00:04:28,861 - Right? Right? - Right? 81 00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:31,366 TED: The three of us started talking Teddy Roosevelt. 82 00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:34,266 When he took that flight on the Wright brothers' plane? 83 00:04:34,540 --> 00:04:35,529 So cool. 84 00:04:35,775 --> 00:04:39,108 The time he climbed the tallest mountain in Europe on his honeymoon? 85 00:04:39,345 --> 00:04:40,403 - So cool. - Uh... 86 00:04:40,647 --> 00:04:44,083 TED: That's when I realized: Blauman and I were locked in a battle of wills... 87 00:04:44,317 --> 00:04:47,753 ... that made T.R.'s charge up San Juan Hill look like a walk in the park. 88 00:04:47,987 --> 00:04:52,447 Or should I say, in the national park, since Roosevelt spearheaded the establishment... 89 00:04:52,692 --> 00:04:54,455 Dude, come on. I gave you one. 90 00:04:55,762 --> 00:04:57,593 The battle raged on. 91 00:04:57,830 --> 00:04:59,058 In a way he was... 92 00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:03,429 ALL: The archetype of the modern politician. Ha-ha-ha. 93 00:05:03,670 --> 00:05:06,036 STEPH: Oh, my God. TED: Dude, knock it off. 94 00:05:06,272 --> 00:05:07,671 GARY: Knock what off, bro? 95 00:05:07,940 --> 00:05:11,307 TED: This is my apartment, my Teddy Roosevelt conversation. I get the girl. 96 00:05:11,577 --> 00:05:14,842 GARY: Oh. So the fact that you're the incumbent means she should just pick you? 97 00:05:15,114 --> 00:05:16,911 Tell that to William Howard Taft. 98 00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:21,280 TED: You're calling me Taft? If anyone's Taft, you're Taft. 99 00:05:21,521 --> 00:05:23,182 GARY: I'm not Taft. I'm Teddy. 100 00:05:23,456 --> 00:05:25,253 TED: The hell you are. My name is Ted. 101 00:05:25,491 --> 00:05:28,483 GARY: Yeah, right. Go sign the Payne-Aldrich Tariff Act, Taft. 102 00:05:28,695 --> 00:05:30,686 TED: Ah! How dare you? 103 00:05:30,963 --> 00:05:33,227 Skinny-dipping in the Potomac River. 104 00:05:33,433 --> 00:05:35,128 [ALL LAUGH] 105 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:39,965 TED: And so the standoff continued. Hours passed. Then days. 106 00:05:40,206 --> 00:05:42,504 - Days passed? - Days passed. 107 00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:48,208 Finally, like T.R. Stricken by tropical fever on his Amazon trek, we could go no further. 108 00:05:48,481 --> 00:05:51,848 When he was assistant secretary of the Navy... 109 00:05:52,118 --> 00:05:56,282 Will you just pick one of us already so I can either have sex or go to sleep? 110 00:05:57,557 --> 00:05:59,115 Smooth, bro. 111 00:05:59,892 --> 00:06:02,087 After that day, I have never liked that guy. 112 00:06:02,328 --> 00:06:05,957 So let's just tell Robin this can't be done and send Gary Blauman packing. 113 00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:09,965 - Did you just say "Gary Blauman"? - Yeah. 114 00:06:10,570 --> 00:06:14,097 I love that guy. 115 00:06:14,340 --> 00:06:15,534 What? He's the devil. 116 00:06:15,775 --> 00:06:17,504 He's an angel. 117 00:06:17,744 --> 00:06:22,477 It was 2006. Marshall and I had broken up. I was back in New York, feeling vulnerable... 118 00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:25,240 ...and listening to my breakup song over and over. 119 00:06:25,518 --> 00:06:27,486 - Sugar Ray's "Fly." - You know it. 120 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:30,655 - Man, you know nothing about breakups. - I really don't. 121 00:06:31,691 --> 00:06:34,421 - Anyway, then I hit bottom. - There's a bottom below Sugar Ray? 122 00:06:34,627 --> 00:06:35,787 Mm. 123 00:06:37,663 --> 00:06:40,996 - What? Why have I never seen that before? - I've been using cover-up... 124 00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:45,534 ...and strategically placed straps for a long time to keep this puppy quiet. 125 00:06:45,772 --> 00:06:49,264 After all the times you guys made fun of me for my breakup butterfly tattoo? 126 00:06:49,475 --> 00:06:50,840 [BOTH SNICKER] 127 00:06:51,043 --> 00:06:56,037 Oh, fact-that-Ted-got-a-butterfly-tattoo, will you ever stop being hilarious? 128 00:06:56,282 --> 00:06:57,874 Why is it only half a butterfly? 129 00:06:58,117 --> 00:07:02,076 Because Gary Blauman saw me in the tattoo parlor, dragged me out... 130 00:07:02,321 --> 00:07:04,016 ...and talked some sense into me. 131 00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:07,522 Lily, trust me, you and Marshall are going to get back together. 132 00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:12,459 And when you do, you'll be so glad you did not get the other half of that butterfly. 133 00:07:12,732 --> 00:07:16,668 Actually, I was gonna get a little more than the butterfly. 134 00:07:19,839 --> 00:07:21,864 It's good that I ran into you. 135 00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:25,373 Marshall, Blauman saved you from a lifetime of looking at Sugar Ray... 136 00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:28,603 ...every time we do it on your birthday. Find him a nice seat. 137 00:07:28,848 --> 00:07:31,078 No. No. Do not find him a seat. 138 00:07:31,317 --> 00:07:32,306 You find him a nice... 139 00:07:32,585 --> 00:07:34,212 TED: Neither of us was gonna back down. 140 00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,513 So finally we decided to take it to the groom. 141 00:07:36,722 --> 00:07:38,451 [GASPS] 142 00:07:38,658 --> 00:07:40,489 - What's going on? - Shh. 143 00:07:43,729 --> 00:07:44,821 Who's that guy? 144 00:07:45,097 --> 00:07:47,224 It's my ex-boyfriend. 145 00:07:52,872 --> 00:07:56,330 So we're crouching behind a van, hiding from your ex-boyfriend. 146 00:07:56,609 --> 00:08:00,602 Forgive me... I'm a little bit of a detective. - But it was a bad breakup? 147 00:08:00,847 --> 00:08:02,246 Pretty bad. 148 00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:05,815 - Bad like there was a big fight? - Bad like there was a big ring. 149 00:08:06,052 --> 00:08:08,213 Bad like this happened in the past year? 150 00:08:08,454 --> 00:08:10,922 Bad like it happened Saturday. 151 00:08:11,691 --> 00:08:14,159 - So bad. - Yeah. 152 00:08:16,829 --> 00:08:18,262 Okay, he's gone. 153 00:08:20,466 --> 00:08:23,367 I'm so sorry, Ted. I really like you. 154 00:08:23,636 --> 00:08:27,629 But I'm in the weirdest place on Earth right now. 155 00:08:27,874 --> 00:08:30,240 - You're in a Scottish-Mexican restaurant? - Ha, ha. 156 00:08:30,476 --> 00:08:33,843 Yeah. Yeah, I am. 157 00:08:35,281 --> 00:08:39,547 It's just too soon for me to be dating. I think I should head home. 158 00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:46,454 Well, want me to walk with you? Lots of scary ex-boyfriends in this neighborhood. 159 00:08:46,692 --> 00:08:48,182 Sure. 160 00:08:48,861 --> 00:08:51,694 - I do want to hear the rest of that story. - Right, the story. 161 00:08:51,931 --> 00:08:56,300 - Yeah. - So we decided to take it to the groom. 162 00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:59,061 - Did you say "Gary Blauman"? - Yeah. 163 00:08:59,338 --> 00:09:01,169 - Gary Blauman? - Yes. 164 00:09:01,407 --> 00:09:04,274 Blauman, comma, Gary? 165 00:09:04,510 --> 00:09:06,535 Point, comma, get to the damn. 166 00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:09,310 I... 167 00:09:16,055 --> 00:09:19,547 ...Iove that we have the opportunity... 168 00:09:19,825 --> 00:09:23,352 ...to destroy Gary Blauman's weekend by kicking him out of the wedding! 169 00:09:23,596 --> 00:09:26,588 Yes! Gary Blauman haters club, right here. 170 00:09:26,866 --> 00:09:28,993 What that guy did to me... 171 00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:34,070 ...oh, God, it makes me furious to this day. 172 00:09:34,340 --> 00:09:38,071 Okay, okay, I am going to try and tell this story without completely losing it. 173 00:09:38,344 --> 00:09:40,778 Ready? Okay, here goes. I was at the... 174 00:09:40,980 --> 00:09:43,574 [GROWLING] 175 00:09:45,451 --> 00:09:48,386 - Nope, not gonna happen. Give me a second. TED & MARSHALL: Oh! 176 00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,078 I was at the bar. 177 00:09:50,389 --> 00:09:52,949 - Hey, Barney. - What's up, Blauman? Have a seat. 178 00:09:53,225 --> 00:09:54,522 Oh, thanks. 179 00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:58,628 - Your fries. You need anything? - I'm good. Thanks. 180 00:09:58,898 --> 00:10:01,093 Oh, but he was not "good, thanks." 181 00:10:01,367 --> 00:10:03,835 He was not "good, thanks" at all. 182 00:10:04,070 --> 00:10:06,834 Oh, what, did he take one of your fries? 183 00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:09,598 "Take one"? 184 00:10:09,875 --> 00:10:11,433 Take one? 185 00:10:12,378 --> 00:10:15,438 It would've been one thing if he took one of my fries. One thing. 186 00:10:15,681 --> 00:10:17,376 No, Lily... 187 00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:21,644 ...that day Blauman took... 188 00:10:22,221 --> 00:10:23,313 [GRUNTS] 189 00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:26,622 ...four of my fries. 190 00:10:26,892 --> 00:10:28,792 But that's not even the capper. 191 00:10:29,028 --> 00:10:31,553 Here's the part that still keeps me up at night. 192 00:10:31,797 --> 00:10:33,458 The fourth fry he took... 193 00:10:33,699 --> 00:10:36,224 The fourth fry he took... 194 00:10:36,435 --> 00:10:38,403 [SPUTTERING] 195 00:10:39,105 --> 00:10:40,572 Buddy. Buddy, you okay? 196 00:10:40,806 --> 00:10:43,639 Mm, mm. Mm. 197 00:10:43,843 --> 00:10:46,573 The fourth fry he took... 198 00:10:48,714 --> 00:10:51,547 ...was an accidental curly. TED & MARSHALL: Ah! 199 00:11:02,962 --> 00:11:05,590 You don't take a man's accidental curly. 200 00:11:05,831 --> 00:11:09,198 You take a man's wife before you take his accidental curly. 201 00:11:09,468 --> 00:11:14,269 If you wanted curly fries so bad, why not just order them in the first place? 202 00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:18,341 Yeah, because that's what you want, all curly fries. 203 00:11:18,577 --> 00:11:22,274 Regular-cut with a few accidental curlies. That's what you want. 204 00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,813 - That's the dream. - He's right. That is the dream. 205 00:11:25,051 --> 00:11:28,214 No! I refuse to look down from the altar... 206 00:11:28,487 --> 00:11:30,853 ...as I say my vows to the woman of my dreams... 207 00:11:31,090 --> 00:11:37,859 ...and see that damned stupid accidental-curly-fry-stealing Gary Blauman. 208 00:11:38,097 --> 00:11:41,965 Did you say "Gary Blauman"? I... 209 00:11:43,769 --> 00:11:48,297 ...hate to disagree with Barney, but I love that guy. 210 00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:51,066 I just met him earlier today. 211 00:11:51,343 --> 00:11:54,801 - Oh, my gosh. It's you. - Yeah. 212 00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:56,844 You're the poet William Zabka. 213 00:11:58,117 --> 00:12:01,086 Nobody ever recognizes me for my poetry. 214 00:12:01,353 --> 00:12:03,651 He has all six of my collections. 215 00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:06,858 When Terry Gross interviewed me on Fresh Air, he listened live. 216 00:12:07,793 --> 00:12:09,727 Gary Blauman rules. 217 00:12:09,995 --> 00:12:11,053 Gary Blauman? 218 00:12:11,997 --> 00:12:13,521 I... 219 00:12:15,534 --> 00:12:17,695 ...hate... 220 00:12:17,937 --> 00:12:21,964 ...that I once thought I loved Gary Blauman. - Ooh, this sounds good. 221 00:12:22,208 --> 00:12:24,699 Gary's the guy that I had an affair with. 222 00:12:25,211 --> 00:12:28,476 Tom found out, threw me out of the house... 223 00:12:28,714 --> 00:12:31,376 ...and now the kids are from a broken home. 224 00:12:31,617 --> 00:12:36,919 Because of Gary Blauman, everything that matters to me is gone. 225 00:12:41,093 --> 00:12:43,061 I got that beat. So I was ordering fries... 226 00:12:43,295 --> 00:12:45,525 Wait, wait, wait. Blauman's gay? 227 00:12:46,832 --> 00:12:49,630 Then that means that night, the real battle... 228 00:12:49,902 --> 00:12:53,929 ...was between Blauman and the girl. 229 00:12:54,173 --> 00:12:57,404 And the prize was this guy. 230 00:12:57,643 --> 00:13:00,203 - Figured something out. - Keep telling yourself that. 231 00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:04,849 - I don't want Gary at my brother's wedding. - Neither do I. I'm the brother in question. 232 00:13:05,050 --> 00:13:06,347 [ALL SHOUTING] 233 00:13:06,552 --> 00:13:09,248 - It's your wedding. - Order! Order! 234 00:13:09,955 --> 00:13:14,654 Robin put this on my plate, so I'll make the decision. Now, let's take a short recess. 235 00:13:14,927 --> 00:13:17,122 Everybody out. 236 00:13:17,696 --> 00:13:22,599 Lily. Out-of-court settlement. Drop this whole thing and I'll give you 10 bucks. 237 00:13:22,835 --> 00:13:24,632 No. 238 00:13:27,006 --> 00:13:29,440 I can't go higher than 10. 239 00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:30,768 [MARSHALL CLEARS THROAT] 240 00:13:31,944 --> 00:13:34,811 I'm ready to give my decision. 241 00:13:35,581 --> 00:13:38,175 This was a tough one. Good points on both sides... 242 00:13:38,450 --> 00:13:41,146 ...but ultimately, Blauman stays. 243 00:13:41,387 --> 00:13:43,548 - What in the...? - For one simple reason. 244 00:13:43,789 --> 00:13:49,318 There is a higher law at every wedding, a law that trumps all other arguments. 245 00:13:49,595 --> 00:13:52,496 When the bride asks for something, she gets it. 246 00:13:52,731 --> 00:13:54,062 Yes. 247 00:13:54,266 --> 00:13:56,131 BILLY: Good point. - Wow. He's right. 248 00:13:56,368 --> 00:14:00,634 This fake court thingy is adjourned. Judged. 249 00:14:01,707 --> 00:14:04,574 I guess let's go find Blauman and tell him the good news. 250 00:14:04,810 --> 00:14:08,576 Yeah, about that, bit of a wrinkle. I was just in the hallway, ran into Blauman. 251 00:14:08,814 --> 00:14:12,682 Told him if he didn't leave immediately, Zabka was gonna crane-kick him in the face. 252 00:14:12,918 --> 00:14:15,443 What? But that's not even my move. 253 00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:17,614 - We have to stop him. - Barney. 254 00:14:17,823 --> 00:14:19,381 - Ahh. - Come on, come on. 255 00:14:19,658 --> 00:14:24,220 So we all run out to the parking lot to stop Gary Blauman from leaving the wedding... 256 00:14:25,631 --> 00:14:27,121 What are you doing? 257 00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:28,526 This is my place. 258 00:14:29,802 --> 00:14:30,962 TED: Oh. 259 00:14:31,737 --> 00:14:36,401 So, uh, well, I guess this is where I leave you. 260 00:14:42,381 --> 00:14:43,746 This is your place. 261 00:14:44,416 --> 00:14:45,610 Yep. 262 00:14:46,652 --> 00:14:51,214 - You sure it's not a few blocks that way? - Nope, it's right here. 263 00:14:51,457 --> 00:14:53,118 It's right where you picked me up. 264 00:14:53,359 --> 00:14:54,986 So it is. 265 00:14:56,862 --> 00:15:00,764 - Well, good night. - Good night. 266 00:15:02,801 --> 00:15:06,999 TED: Eight years earlier, I would've given some speech, confessed my love, scared her off. 267 00:15:07,239 --> 00:15:11,573 But I didn't. Because somehow I just knew this was all gonna work out. 268 00:15:11,810 --> 00:15:13,072 - Ted? - Oh, thank God. 269 00:15:17,883 --> 00:15:20,784 Do you at least wanna finish your story? 270 00:15:22,087 --> 00:15:23,554 Right. 271 00:15:24,490 --> 00:15:27,254 So we all ran out to the parking lot and... 272 00:15:27,493 --> 00:15:31,691 Blauman. Blauman. I'm sorry. You can stay. Billy won't kick you in the face. 273 00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:34,365 It's not even my move. If I was gonna do anything... 274 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:37,068 ...I'd sweep the leg and put you in a body bag. 275 00:15:37,303 --> 00:15:39,669 What, is that from one of your poems? 276 00:15:40,239 --> 00:15:41,263 Thank you for that. 277 00:15:41,974 --> 00:15:45,068 Please stick around. For the bride. 278 00:15:45,311 --> 00:15:48,474 You're not a Taft. Roosevelt shouldn't have divided the party. 279 00:15:48,747 --> 00:15:52,478 - He handed the election to Wilson. Right? - Completely, right? 280 00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:55,617 No. Wait, no. All right? Forget it. 281 00:15:56,922 --> 00:15:59,686 And, James, I'm sorry about you and Tom... 282 00:15:59,925 --> 00:16:03,326 ...but you have to stop blaming me for your own decisions. 283 00:16:03,595 --> 00:16:05,961 Well, guys, take a good look. 284 00:16:06,231 --> 00:16:09,223 This face? You won't be seeing again. 285 00:16:12,304 --> 00:16:13,669 [ENGINE STARTS] 286 00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:17,275 - The br... The br... - Yeah, Gary. 287 00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:21,006 He's really leaving. 288 00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:23,145 Hey, Barney. 289 00:16:23,382 --> 00:16:25,077 Do you still have my wedding ring? 290 00:16:27,519 --> 00:16:28,747 Yeah. 291 00:16:29,955 --> 00:16:33,015 I've got some work to do. Excuse me. 292 00:16:36,261 --> 00:16:38,422 Blauman will cool off. We'll see him again. 293 00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:40,632 - Of course we will. MARSHALL: I don't know. 294 00:16:41,533 --> 00:16:43,330 We might really never see him again. 295 00:16:43,569 --> 00:16:46,595 Because I remember at our wedding, looking out and thinking: 296 00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:48,830 "Man, everyone here means so much to me." 297 00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:53,604 A bunch of those people, you know, I haven't seen them since. 298 00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:55,609 TED: And that's how it goes, kids. 299 00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:59,306 The friends, neighbors, drinking buddies, and partners in crime... 300 00:16:59,551 --> 00:17:01,485 ... you love so much when you're young... 301 00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:04,848 ... as the years go by, you just lose touch. 302 00:17:07,993 --> 00:17:12,157 That being said, I did manage to keep track of a few people. 303 00:17:12,731 --> 00:17:14,790 Carl's still behind the bar at MacLaren's. 304 00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:16,626 Hey, watch it over there. 305 00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:18,166 Yeah, watch it over there. 306 00:17:18,404 --> 00:17:19,962 TED: It's become a family business. 307 00:17:20,205 --> 00:17:23,140 Jeanette was arrested for mailing jars of urine to Val Kilmer. 308 00:17:23,375 --> 00:17:26,344 No, not that Val Kilmer. She narrowly avoided prison time... 309 00:17:26,578 --> 00:17:29,308 ... but did receive mandatory psychological counseling. 310 00:17:29,548 --> 00:17:32,381 Hello, handsome. 311 00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:37,219 I should say up front, I'm not allowed to date my... Oh, what the hell. 312 00:17:37,456 --> 00:17:39,924 TED: She and Kevin live in Poughkeepsie now. 313 00:17:40,192 --> 00:17:44,390 Ranjit made a couple really good stock picks, and, well, he owns the limo service now. 314 00:17:44,630 --> 00:17:46,723 Bitterman, get the car. 315 00:17:46,965 --> 00:17:48,296 Getting the car, sir. 316 00:17:48,534 --> 00:17:52,994 Patrice has her own drive time radio show. People call in, she gives advice. 317 00:17:53,205 --> 00:17:56,197 WOMAN [OVER PHONE]: Sometimes I just feel like he never listens to me. 318 00:17:56,442 --> 00:18:00,242 Gosh, caller, that's a real pickle. You know, my grandma always says... 319 00:18:00,479 --> 00:18:02,504 WOMAN: Damn it, Patrice, I'm not finished! 320 00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:04,545 Sorry, sorry, go on. 321 00:18:04,783 --> 00:18:07,047 TED: William Zabka became the youngest poet ever... 322 00:18:07,286 --> 00:18:10,414 ... to win the American Humanities Medal for Literature. 323 00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:13,284 He's currently working on a collection of travel essays. 324 00:18:13,492 --> 00:18:14,754 [YELLS] 325 00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:18,760 TED: Zoey pops up on the news every now and then, supporting some cause or another. 326 00:18:18,997 --> 00:18:20,589 It doesn't always go well for her. 327 00:18:20,799 --> 00:18:23,165 The hawk is a majestic creature. She means you no... 328 00:18:23,368 --> 00:18:24,357 [HAWK SCREAMS] 329 00:18:24,570 --> 00:18:26,663 Aah! No, I'm your friend. I'm helping you. 330 00:18:26,872 --> 00:18:29,932 TED: Still, it's nice knowing she's out there fighting the good fight. 331 00:18:30,175 --> 00:18:31,574 Scooter's been married for a while. 332 00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:34,769 He met a girl at work, and it was love at first sight. 333 00:18:35,013 --> 00:18:37,447 I guess something about her helped him get over Lily. 334 00:18:37,683 --> 00:18:41,210 You look beautiful today, Jasmine. Like every day. 335 00:18:41,453 --> 00:18:44,217 - Move. I serve sloppy joe now. - Okay. 336 00:18:44,423 --> 00:18:46,983 TED: Blitz struggled with a gambling addiction for a while... 337 00:18:47,259 --> 00:18:50,990 ... but after a three-day bender on the same slot machine, he finally kicked it. 338 00:18:51,263 --> 00:18:52,855 I gotta get help. 339 00:18:53,065 --> 00:18:56,523 - Learned to live a life of style 340 00:18:58,504 --> 00:18:59,493 Yes! 341 00:18:59,705 --> 00:19:00,694 [SIREN BLARES] 342 00:19:00,906 --> 00:19:02,897 - Whoo! - Oh, man. 343 00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:05,007 TED: I'm not sure what happened to Blah-Blah. 344 00:19:05,277 --> 00:19:07,745 But I'd like to think that wherever she is, she... 345 00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,948 Carol. Her name was Carol. 346 00:19:10,182 --> 00:19:11,410 Thank you. 347 00:19:11,650 --> 00:19:14,813 TED: Sandy Rivers'inappropriate behavior finally caught up with him... 348 00:19:15,053 --> 00:19:17,783 ... ending his news career in America. 349 00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:20,550 [IN RUSSIAN] 350 00:19:29,735 --> 00:19:31,532 TED: He hasn't changed. 351 00:19:31,803 --> 00:19:36,297 It took some doing, but James finally convinced Tom to take him back. 352 00:19:36,542 --> 00:19:40,034 And nobody's happier about it than their kids. 353 00:19:40,312 --> 00:19:44,544 Hey, kids, have I ever told you how I met your father? 354 00:19:44,816 --> 00:19:46,147 It was at a party. 355 00:19:46,385 --> 00:19:49,786 TED: And as for Blauman... 356 00:19:52,224 --> 00:19:54,215 Guys, wait. 357 00:19:54,493 --> 00:19:57,360 Sorry for storming off. I don't wanna miss this wedding. 358 00:19:57,863 --> 00:20:01,321 TED: You will be shocked, kids, when you discover how easy it is in life... 359 00:20:01,567 --> 00:20:03,865 ... to part ways with people forever. 360 00:20:04,102 --> 00:20:08,539 That's why when you find someone you wanna keep around... 361 00:20:08,774 --> 00:20:10,799 ... you do something about it. 362 00:20:11,109 --> 00:20:14,704 So I guess good night. 363 00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:17,807 Good night. 364 00:20:36,435 --> 00:20:38,232 Unless... 365 00:20:38,503 --> 00:20:41,233 Do you wanna walk around some more? It's still early. 366 00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:45,206 Sure. 367 00:20:51,550 --> 00:20:52,574 What are you doing? 368 00:20:55,754 --> 00:20:57,415 Remembering this. 369 00:20:59,458 --> 00:21:02,516 Come on. 30876

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