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NARRATOR: It was the day
of Barney and Robin's wedding,
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00:00:04,938 --> 00:00:06,307
and a surprise guest
had just arrived.
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00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:08,709
ROBIN: Mom, I-I can't believe
you're here.
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00:00:08,742 --> 00:00:09,810
How did you get here?
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00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:11,045
On a plane.
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00:00:11,079 --> 00:00:14,182
With your fear of flying?
What, did the plane drive here?
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00:00:14,215 --> 00:00:16,817
(laughs)
I've made enormous strides
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00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:18,919
since you last saw me, dear.
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00:00:18,952 --> 00:00:20,854
This is nice.
(chuckles)
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00:00:20,888 --> 00:00:22,890
I don't love flying,
I must admit.
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00:00:22,923 --> 00:00:25,059
I haven't been on a
plane in years, but...
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00:00:25,093 --> 00:00:26,994
maybe this won't
be such a bad...
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00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:28,996
PILOT: Ladies and gentlemen,
we are cleared for takeoff.
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00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:31,832
(screams)
We're all gonna die!
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00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:33,767
We're all gonna die!
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00:00:33,801 --> 00:00:35,069
(screaming)
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00:00:35,103 --> 00:00:37,671
During the flight, I'll admit,
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00:00:37,705 --> 00:00:40,274
I-I had a few...
difficult moments,
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00:00:40,308 --> 00:00:41,375
but, you know,
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00:00:41,409 --> 00:00:43,077
by the time we'd landed...
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00:00:43,111 --> 00:00:44,578
Here already.
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00:00:44,612 --> 00:00:48,949
Well, I have to say,
it wasn't so dreadful after all.
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00:00:48,982 --> 00:00:52,086
Oh, I do apologize if
I caused any distress.
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00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:55,356
And, oh, I'm terribly
sorry about the door.
25
00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:58,926
I had no idea it would
fly off like that.
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00:00:58,959 --> 00:01:00,861
Please, please
send me a bill,
27
00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:03,063
because I'd like
to replace it.
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00:01:04,132 --> 00:01:06,567
I'll be taking the train home.
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00:01:22,816 --> 00:01:25,153
Well, it's official:
I'm gonna be
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00:01:25,186 --> 00:01:27,121
Judge Marshall Eriksen.
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00:01:27,155 --> 00:01:28,922
That is great.
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00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:31,159
Can you help me get
a driver's license?
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A what?
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00:01:32,993 --> 00:01:34,395
Marshall, you, uh,
you don't sound
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00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:35,829
too excited to
become a judge.
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00:01:35,863 --> 00:01:37,598
(sighs) I feel
kind of guilty about it.
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00:01:37,631 --> 00:01:40,168
I mean, I know how badly
Lily wanted to move to Italy.
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00:01:40,201 --> 00:01:41,602
Don't do this, bro.
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00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:43,171
Classic mistake.
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00:01:43,204 --> 00:01:44,672
You won... enjoy it.
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00:01:44,705 --> 00:01:48,075
Drink the blood of your
vanquished enemy and move on.
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00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:50,244
You're gonna be
a great husband.
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00:01:50,278 --> 00:01:51,912
No, no, wait,
he has a point.
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00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:53,847
I mean, you said yourself,
it was her decision.
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00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:55,449
Lily chose to
give up her job
46
00:01:55,483 --> 00:01:57,785
and not move to Rome
so you could be a judge.
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00:01:57,818 --> 00:01:59,153
Yeah, but something
seemed off.
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00:01:59,187 --> 00:02:01,489
We had this big fight
and she stormed out,
49
00:02:01,522 --> 00:02:04,592
and when she came back, she had
totally, like, changed her mind.
50
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:05,659
Wait, what time
was this?
51
00:02:05,693 --> 00:02:08,362
A little after 3:00 a.m.,
Billy Zabka. Why?
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00:02:08,396 --> 00:02:09,697
Well, last night,
I was out
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00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:11,031
doing some late-night
dirt-biking in the sand.
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00:02:11,064 --> 00:02:12,800
Naturally. Continue.
And I ended up
55
00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:15,169
at that EZ Pick a few
miles up the road.
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00:02:15,203 --> 00:02:16,337
And, well...
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00:02:24,212 --> 00:02:25,779
That's odd.
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00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:28,115
SEVERAL PEOPLE:
Boo...!
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00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,718
You saw Lily
getting into someone's car?
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00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:31,985
I wonder who it was.
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00:02:32,019 --> 00:02:33,987
What did
the license plate say?
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00:02:34,021 --> 00:02:35,389
It said...
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00:02:35,423 --> 00:02:37,124
"AHOY!!!"
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00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:39,627
The Captain!
Lily's boss.
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00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:40,961
He has a house out here.
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00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:43,163
Wait, why was Lily getting
into the Captain's car
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00:02:43,197 --> 00:02:44,732
at 3:00 in the morning?
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00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:46,734
Guys...
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00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:50,338
I hate to even say this, but...
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00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:53,006
do you think it's possible...
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00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:56,210
...that I could eat
six of these saltines
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00:02:56,244 --> 00:02:57,811
in under a minute?
73
00:02:57,845 --> 00:03:00,013
Challenge accepted!
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00:03:01,215 --> 00:03:03,717
Well, I can't wait
to meet this Barney.
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00:03:03,751 --> 00:03:06,086
I haven't met him
already, have I?
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00:03:06,119 --> 00:03:08,188
Because they said
after getting Tasered,
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00:03:08,222 --> 00:03:11,659
I might suffer from
short-term memory loss.
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00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:13,160
Oh, you'd remember
if you'd met Barney.
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00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:16,530
Why don't I see what
he's doing right now?
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00:03:16,564 --> 00:03:17,731
(phone ringing)
81
00:03:17,765 --> 00:03:19,867
Barney's phone.
Ted, where's Barney?
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00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:20,934
He's trying to eat
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00:03:20,968 --> 00:03:22,403
six saltines in
under a minute.
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00:03:22,436 --> 00:03:25,105
Well, his future
mother-in-law is here.
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00:03:25,138 --> 00:03:26,307
Robin's mom is here.
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00:03:27,775 --> 00:03:29,109
And she wants to meet him.
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00:03:29,142 --> 00:03:29,977
She wants to meet you.
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00:03:32,913 --> 00:03:35,048
He's kind of in the middle of a
saltine challenge at the moment.
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00:03:37,117 --> 00:03:39,720
But as soon as he's done,
he'll just, uh, pop right over.
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00:03:39,753 --> 00:03:40,954
All right. Good-bye.
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00:03:40,988 --> 00:03:42,556
ROBIN:
The saltine challenge?
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00:03:42,590 --> 00:03:43,957
Now?
(Lily chuckles)
93
00:03:43,991 --> 00:03:45,559
It's his wedding day.
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00:03:45,593 --> 00:03:47,060
Guys do weird things
on their wedding day.
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00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:48,529
Well, on my wedding day,
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00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:50,631
Robin's father
completely disappeared
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00:03:50,664 --> 00:03:52,065
for about three hours.
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00:03:52,099 --> 00:03:53,467
He just said,
"I've got to go
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00:03:53,501 --> 00:03:56,236
and teach somebody some
manners," and off he went.
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00:03:56,270 --> 00:03:57,104
And then
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00:03:57,137 --> 00:03:58,406
three hours later,
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00:03:58,439 --> 00:04:01,074
he emerged from the
woods with a dead elk
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00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:03,143
slung across his shoulder.
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00:04:03,176 --> 00:04:07,281
And I didn't even know that
there were elk in Bermuda.
105
00:04:07,315 --> 00:04:08,215
But this Barney...
106
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,818
he sounds like a fine young man.
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00:04:10,851 --> 00:04:12,119
Yes, he is.
108
00:04:12,152 --> 00:04:13,987
We're going again.
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00:04:15,289 --> 00:04:16,457
Marshall, are you okay?
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00:04:16,490 --> 00:04:17,925
Why did she get into
the Captain's car,
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00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:19,059
and why didn't she
tell me about it?
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00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:20,928
Well, maybe it was
a work thing.
What? No.
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00:04:20,961 --> 00:04:22,062
She has a big
fight with me,
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00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:23,464
she goes down
to an EZ Pick,
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00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:24,765
she gets into
the Captain's Mercedes,
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00:04:24,798 --> 00:04:25,899
and then three
hours later,
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00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:27,401
she doesn't want to go
to Italy anymore?
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00:04:27,435 --> 00:04:29,136
I mean, do you
think this means...
119
00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:31,004
That the Captain moored
his dinghy in Lily's lagoon?
120
00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:32,005
Most definitely.
121
00:04:32,039 --> 00:04:33,474
That's crazy.
122
00:04:33,507 --> 00:04:35,008
You'd never moor a
dinghy in a lagoon.
123
00:04:35,042 --> 00:04:36,076
I don't know, Ted.
124
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,277
In certain
tidal conditions,
125
00:04:37,311 --> 00:04:38,479
if you had a
protected inlet...
126
00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:40,080
Okay, you know what?
It doesn't matter.
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00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:41,482
Today is
Barney's wedding.
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00:04:41,515 --> 00:04:43,484
Let's just forget it.
129
00:04:43,517 --> 00:04:45,986
Marshall...
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00:04:46,019 --> 00:04:48,088
do you want to go over to
the Captain's house right now,
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00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:49,490
punch him in the face
really fast
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00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:51,291
and then come back
and do this wedding?
133
00:04:53,994 --> 00:04:55,596
Would that be okay?
134
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:56,997
Ranjit, get the car.
135
00:04:57,030 --> 00:04:58,832
Getting the car.
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00:04:58,866 --> 00:05:01,001
Baby, I can't wait
to meet your mom,
137
00:05:01,034 --> 00:05:02,670
but I kind of got to go on
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00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:04,472
a little excursion
with the boys right now.
139
00:05:04,505 --> 00:05:06,039
What?
Where are you going?
140
00:05:06,073 --> 00:05:09,009
Me and the boys have to go
teach someone some manners.
141
00:05:12,413 --> 00:05:14,648
Are there any elk
on Long Island?
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00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:20,954
* My gallant
housekeeping crew *
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00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:21,955
* Good morning.
144
00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:24,024
* Sir! Good morning.
145
00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:26,026
* I hope you are quite well.
146
00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:28,462
* Quite well, and you, sir?
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00:05:28,496 --> 00:05:30,030
* I am in reasonable health.
148
00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:31,732
* And happy to meet you
all once... *
149
00:05:31,765 --> 00:05:32,733
(doorbell rings)
150
00:05:32,766 --> 00:05:34,468
Oh, bother it!
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00:05:34,502 --> 00:05:35,503
I'll get it.
152
00:05:40,408 --> 00:05:41,609
Ahoy, Marshall!
153
00:05:42,075 --> 00:05:43,076
(Captain grunts)
154
00:05:48,048 --> 00:05:50,017
Are you okay, Robin?
No, I'm not okay,
155
00:05:50,050 --> 00:05:52,252
because apparently,
I am marrying my dad
156
00:05:52,285 --> 00:05:53,654
in a few hours.
157
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,088
Oh, sweetie, no.
158
00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:57,224
I'm sure that's not true.
159
00:05:57,257 --> 00:05:58,659
I mean, th-there's
so much
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00:05:58,692 --> 00:05:59,993
you don't know
about your father.
161
00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:02,195
There were... oh, there
were so many other
162
00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:04,031
red flags in our marriage.
163
00:06:04,064 --> 00:06:05,232
I mean, for instance,
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00:06:05,265 --> 00:06:06,233
do you know that
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00:06:06,266 --> 00:06:08,101
before he was engaged to me,
166
00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:10,938
he was engaged to marry
an exotic dancer?
167
00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:12,740
Hello!
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00:06:12,773 --> 00:06:14,007
Red flag!
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00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:15,275
LILY:
Oh, Genevieve,
170
00:06:15,308 --> 00:06:16,276
not good.
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00:06:16,309 --> 00:06:18,579
And did you know
that one time,
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00:06:18,612 --> 00:06:20,113
to impress women,
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00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:22,550
he dressed up like
a Prussian aristocrat,
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00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:24,217
had a painting of himself made,
175
00:06:24,251 --> 00:06:27,120
and posed next to it
in an art gallery?
176
00:06:27,154 --> 00:06:28,388
Can you imagine?
177
00:06:28,422 --> 00:06:30,858
Oh, that's a
rough one.
178
00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:33,360
Darling, darling,
the list goes on.
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00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:36,564
He would always take
his mother's side in arguments.
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00:06:36,597 --> 00:06:38,899
He never checked with me
before making plans.
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00:06:38,932 --> 00:06:42,102
And our rehearsal dinner...
oh, boy, did we have it out
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00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:44,672
right before our
rehearsal dinner!
183
00:06:47,575 --> 00:06:48,576
Thank you, Linus.
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00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:51,078
GENEVIEVE:
For the first
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00:06:51,111 --> 00:06:52,813
ten years I knew him,
186
00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:55,449
I didn't even know what
your father did for a living.
187
00:06:55,483 --> 00:06:56,650
Every time I used
to ask him,
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00:06:56,684 --> 00:06:58,151
he'd just say...
Please!
189
00:06:58,185 --> 00:06:59,987
Yes, that's exactly
what he used to say.
190
00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:01,421
How did you know that?
191
00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:04,257
Heck of a jab,
Marshall.
192
00:07:04,291 --> 00:07:05,392
Well-placed.
193
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:06,393
MARSHALL:
Captain,
194
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:07,961
I know something happened
195
00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:09,797
between you and Lily last night.
196
00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:10,898
What?
197
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:12,132
No. Nothing happened.
198
00:07:12,165 --> 00:07:13,433
Captain's honor.
199
00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:15,102
Well, you can ask my fiancée.
200
00:07:15,135 --> 00:07:16,837
Fiancée?
What-what fiancée?
201
00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:17,905
Captain.
202
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:19,573
Permission to clear things up?
Granted.
203
00:07:19,607 --> 00:07:20,741
Me.
204
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:22,009
We're engaged.
205
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:23,477
It's "boats,
boats, boats"!
206
00:07:23,511 --> 00:07:25,579
Ted, look!
Uh, yeah.
207
00:07:25,613 --> 00:07:27,981
I mean, yeah, I know her
from that commercial.
208
00:07:28,015 --> 00:07:28,982
Boats, boats, boats!
209
00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:30,984
And only from
that commercial.
210
00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:33,020
No, you
banged her.
211
00:07:33,053 --> 00:07:34,154
Remember?
212
00:07:34,187 --> 00:07:35,188
Like, a bunch
of times.
213
00:07:35,222 --> 00:07:37,190
You knocked "boots,
boots, boots."
214
00:07:37,224 --> 00:07:38,859
MARSHALL: All right, Captain.
What the hell
215
00:07:38,892 --> 00:07:40,027
happened here
last night?
216
00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:41,962
Well, it was just
after four bells.
217
00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:43,096
(phone ringing)
218
00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:43,997
Ahoy!
219
00:07:44,031 --> 00:07:45,365
(choked up):
Hi, I-I know it's late,
220
00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:47,000
but I've got to get out of here.
221
00:07:47,034 --> 00:07:49,002
CAPTAIN: So I sent the car.
When she got here...
222
00:07:49,036 --> 00:07:50,170
Lily, what a lovely...
223
00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:52,005
Can I use your powder room?
224
00:07:52,039 --> 00:07:53,974
And then she went
to the powder room.
225
00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:55,475
She was in there
quite a while, actually.
226
00:07:55,509 --> 00:07:57,477
Probably a deuce.
Go on.
227
00:07:57,511 --> 00:07:58,679
CAPTAIN:
And when she came out,
228
00:07:58,712 --> 00:07:59,980
she had to leave right away.
229
00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:01,448
It was odd.
230
00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:03,684
But I assure you,
nothing inappropriate happened
231
00:08:03,717 --> 00:08:05,118
between me and your wife.
232
00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:07,020
Captain, I understand
what you're saying,
233
00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:09,189
but what you don't
understand is that
234
00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:10,524
Lily is my wife,
235
00:08:10,558 --> 00:08:12,059
and I love her
way too much
236
00:08:12,092 --> 00:08:13,026
to behave rationally
right now!
237
00:08:13,060 --> 00:08:14,194
En garde!
238
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:18,198
This is the best
day of my life.
239
00:08:18,231 --> 00:08:21,134
Oh, darling,
come on, no, no.
240
00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:23,036
You're not marrying
your father.
241
00:08:23,070 --> 00:08:24,471
I mean,
your father...
242
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:26,473
I mean, let's just
put it this way.
243
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:28,408
Your father was
a sociopath.
244
00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:31,011
He slept with
over 20 women.
245
00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:33,013
And sure, you know,
246
00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:34,347
we were friends
for years first
247
00:08:34,381 --> 00:08:36,684
and it was entertaining
watching him lie
248
00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:39,319
to those poor girls
to get inside their snow pants,
249
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:42,055
but I should have
known back then
250
00:08:42,089 --> 00:08:44,391
this was not
husband material.
251
00:08:44,424 --> 00:08:45,993
I mean, even your
Uncle Jim, you know,
252
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,327
his gay black brother...
253
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,696
Will you shut up!
254
00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:52,332
Go for Barney!
255
00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:54,702
Your bride is freaking
the crap out right now.
256
00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:56,103
Where the hell are you?
257
00:08:56,136 --> 00:08:57,871
I warn you,
Captain,
258
00:08:57,905 --> 00:09:02,943
I've pretended to have a duel
with actual swords twice.
259
00:09:02,976 --> 00:09:04,211
I warn you, Marshall,
260
00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:06,113
I was on the Olympic
fencing team.
261
00:09:06,146 --> 00:09:07,948
Won three gold medals.
262
00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:09,617
I warn you, Captain,
263
00:09:09,650 --> 00:09:12,052
I'm starting to feel like
this was a mistake.
264
00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:14,387
I think I'd better
not say where I am.
265
00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:15,956
I am not kidding around here!
266
00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:17,390
Tell me where you are!
267
00:09:17,424 --> 00:09:18,692
(sighs)
268
00:09:18,726 --> 00:09:20,493
We're at the Captain's house.
269
00:09:24,632 --> 00:09:25,999
What is it?
What's wrong?
270
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:30,237
I am so busted.
271
00:09:33,140 --> 00:09:35,976
Thank you, Linus.
272
00:09:39,947 --> 00:09:41,682
You have another piece of gum?
273
00:09:46,153 --> 00:09:47,955
LILY:
I can keep a secret.
274
00:09:47,988 --> 00:09:50,123
I can keep a secret real good.
275
00:09:50,157 --> 00:09:51,959
Are you chewing gum?
276
00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:53,994
I can keep a secret
like nobody's business,
277
00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:56,596
'cause it is nobody's business.
278
00:09:56,630 --> 00:09:57,998
You never chew gum.
279
00:09:58,031 --> 00:09:59,800
You shouldn't
chew gum in here.
280
00:09:59,833 --> 00:10:02,069
'Cause it's a secret,
and I'm keeping it!
281
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:03,804
Wait!
282
00:10:03,837 --> 00:10:04,972
Stop the duel!
283
00:10:05,005 --> 00:10:05,739
Oh, thank God.
284
00:10:05,773 --> 00:10:06,974
I mean, why?
285
00:10:07,007 --> 00:10:08,008
TED:
Why?
286
00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:09,777
Because I just solved
the mystery,
287
00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:10,778
that's why.
288
00:10:10,811 --> 00:10:13,113
Mosby Boys!
289
00:10:14,982 --> 00:10:16,984
We agreed you wouldn't
do that anymore.
290
00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:19,586
Mystery? What mystery?
291
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,521
Lily has a secret.
292
00:10:23,190 --> 00:10:24,925
She's hiding something,
293
00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:27,294
and I know what it is.
294
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,706
Okay, what is she hiding?
295
00:10:38,739 --> 00:10:40,708
I'll tell you in a minute.
296
00:10:40,741 --> 00:10:44,077
I want to enjoy the suspense
a little bit first.
297
00:10:45,045 --> 00:10:47,047
Ooh.
298
00:10:56,523 --> 00:10:59,159
Oh, my God, will
you just tell us!
299
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,196
Very well.
300
00:11:03,230 --> 00:11:04,631
Now, we can all agree
301
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:06,967
that this is the first
time I've ever set foot
302
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,668
in this house, correct?
303
00:11:08,702 --> 00:11:10,838
Oh, this is
going to be unbearable.
304
00:11:10,871 --> 00:11:12,840
Now, Captain, your powder room...
305
00:11:12,873 --> 00:11:15,308
does it face out
on the ocean?
306
00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:17,410
Of course, right over the cliff.
307
00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:18,578
Just as I suspected.
308
00:11:18,611 --> 00:11:19,980
And if I were to walk
309
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:22,149
into this powder
room right now,
310
00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:24,384
I believe I'd see a
potted plant of some sort.
311
00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:25,685
Is that correct?
312
00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:27,654
Yes. There's a daisy.
313
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:30,090
A daisy. Interesting.
314
00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:32,525
Uh, not traditionally
an indoor plant,
315
00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:35,662
but I suppose
it gets plenty of light
316
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:37,364
with the southern exposure.
317
00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:38,999
That's right, it does.
318
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:41,434
Will you please fetch the daisy?
319
00:11:41,468 --> 00:11:43,470
Aye-aye.
320
00:11:45,105 --> 00:11:46,273
I totally solved it.
321
00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:47,540
You didn't solve it.
322
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:50,410
You didn't solve it.
323
00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:51,611
You didn't
solve it.
324
00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:53,013
You didn't solve it.
325
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:55,015
Did you solve...?
No, you didn't solve it.
326
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,017
I solved it!
327
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:58,251
Ah.
328
00:11:58,285 --> 00:12:00,053
Thank you, Captain.
329
00:12:00,087 --> 00:12:02,122
Now...
330
00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:04,357
a simple question.
331
00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:07,961
When Lily and Marshall are apart
for an extended period of time,
332
00:12:07,995 --> 00:12:11,531
what is the one thing
Lily always does?
333
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:12,532
Cry?
334
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:13,801
Masturbate?
335
00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:14,701
Karate?
336
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:15,735
Go sailing?
337
00:12:15,769 --> 00:12:17,737
No.
338
00:12:17,771 --> 00:12:20,040
When Lily and Marshall are apart
339
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:23,443
for a long period of time,
340
00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:26,947
Lily... always...
341
00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:37,190
...starts smoking again.
342
00:12:37,991 --> 00:12:40,093
That's true, she does.
343
00:12:40,127 --> 00:12:42,095
Happened when she went
to Paris in college.
344
00:12:42,129 --> 00:12:44,965
It happened when she moved
to San Francisco, and last week,
345
00:12:44,998 --> 00:12:47,134
it happened again.
346
00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:49,336
From the moment Marshall left
for Minnesota,
347
00:12:49,369 --> 00:12:51,238
Lily's been secretly
puffing down the ciggies
348
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:54,241
like a 46-year-old grandma
at a Reno slot machine.
349
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:56,509
Problem was,
come Friday morning,
350
00:12:56,543 --> 00:12:59,612
she knew she'd have
to quit again, cold turkey.
351
00:12:59,646 --> 00:13:01,581
And it wouldn't be easy.
352
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:03,450
She tried to make it
a whole car ride
353
00:13:03,483 --> 00:13:04,751
without a fix, but couldn't.
354
00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:06,419
So, she pretended to be annoyed
355
00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:09,422
by perfectly reasonable things,
like my stylish driving gloves
356
00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:12,993
and my appreciation of the
historic van Otterloop manse.
357
00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:18,631
All so she could have
one last smoke on the train.
358
00:13:18,665 --> 00:13:21,001
But afterwards,
her breath told the tale.
359
00:13:21,034 --> 00:13:24,004
And that's why,
when she got to the hotel,
360
00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:26,006
Lily...
361
00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:29,009
was chewing... gum.
362
00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:30,210
Lily never chews gum.
363
00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:31,144
What? Never?
364
00:13:31,178 --> 00:13:32,212
Well, hardly ever.
365
00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:33,947
Great job, Ted.
366
00:13:33,981 --> 00:13:36,616
That's some pretty
solid evidence. Gum.
367
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:40,153
(laughing):
Oh, Barney, my dear boy.
368
00:13:40,187 --> 00:13:41,554
I'm just getting started.
369
00:13:41,588 --> 00:13:42,990
Getting started?
370
00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:44,157
TED:
Lily knew that cigarette
371
00:13:44,191 --> 00:13:45,658
was probably her last
for a while.
372
00:13:45,692 --> 00:13:47,660
She needed something
to keep her nerves calm,
373
00:13:47,694 --> 00:13:49,229
so she headed to the bar.
374
00:13:49,262 --> 00:13:51,865
Anytime you see me
without a drink in my hand,
375
00:13:51,899 --> 00:13:53,967
you put a drink in my hand.
376
00:13:54,001 --> 00:13:57,004
Are you my guy, Linus?
377
00:13:57,037 --> 00:14:00,073
TED: What followed was
a long day and a half for Lily.
378
00:14:00,107 --> 00:14:02,042
A really long day and a half.
379
00:14:02,075 --> 00:14:03,676
Oh, it's kind of insane
380
00:14:03,710 --> 00:14:05,845
how much happened
in just a day and a half.
381
00:14:05,879 --> 00:14:07,680
Anyway, Marshall returned,
382
00:14:07,714 --> 00:14:11,084
they had a big fight,
Lily stormed out.
383
00:14:11,118 --> 00:14:12,185
And that's when she realized,
384
00:14:12,219 --> 00:14:14,021
if she was gonna sneak one
this weekend,
385
00:14:14,054 --> 00:14:15,355
this was her chance.
386
00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:18,058
And after that fight,
boy, did she need one.
387
00:14:18,091 --> 00:14:21,261
Only problem: she was all out.
388
00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:22,662
Now,
389
00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:23,763
it's 3:00 a.m.,
390
00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:25,165
you need a cigarette,
391
00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:26,566
and the only place
that's open is an EZ Pick
392
00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:28,001
that's five miles down the road.
393
00:14:28,035 --> 00:14:29,002
You have no car.
394
00:14:29,036 --> 00:14:30,870
What do you do? Go.
395
00:14:30,904 --> 00:14:31,838
Dirt-bike it.
396
00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:32,906
I can walk that far.
397
00:14:32,940 --> 00:14:33,873
Masturbate.
398
00:14:33,907 --> 00:14:34,874
Take a boat.
399
00:14:34,908 --> 00:14:37,377
What? A boat? No.
400
00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:39,612
Dude, she got a ride
in your car, remember?
401
00:14:39,646 --> 00:14:41,081
(phone ringing)
402
00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:42,249
Ahoy.
403
00:14:42,282 --> 00:14:43,250
Hi. I-I know it's late,
404
00:14:43,283 --> 00:14:44,751
but I've got to get out of here.
405
00:14:44,784 --> 00:14:46,719
I want to make
one stop first.
406
00:14:48,288 --> 00:14:50,423
TED:
The problem was,
407
00:14:50,457 --> 00:14:53,193
Lily didn't want to smoke
in front of her new employer.
408
00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:54,561
So, when she arrived
409
00:14:54,594 --> 00:14:56,463
at the Captain's house,
there was only one
410
00:14:56,496 --> 00:14:57,630
possible course of action.
411
00:14:57,664 --> 00:14:59,099
Can I use your powder room?
412
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:03,403
TED:
Now,
413
00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:04,237
you're Lily.
414
00:15:04,271 --> 00:15:05,572
You've just had a cigarette
415
00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:06,773
in your boss's powder room.
416
00:15:06,806 --> 00:15:08,441
What do you do
with the cigarette butt?
417
00:15:08,475 --> 00:15:10,143
Throw it out the window?
Flush it?
418
00:15:10,177 --> 00:15:11,644
No, she-she wouldn't do
either of those things.
419
00:15:11,678 --> 00:15:12,980
She's an environmentalist.
420
00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:14,047
Stick it in your purse?
421
00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:15,148
Marshall could find it there.
422
00:15:15,182 --> 00:15:16,383
Throw it in the trash can.
423
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:17,951
The Captain would
find it there.
424
00:15:17,985 --> 00:15:19,719
Hide it in a boat.
425
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:21,554
A boat? Wait.
How would that...
426
00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:22,755
I don't know.
427
00:15:22,789 --> 00:15:25,125
I just... I like boats.
428
00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:28,328
No.
429
00:15:28,361 --> 00:15:30,797
There's only one place
that she would put it.
430
00:15:30,830 --> 00:15:32,799
A place where, eventually,
431
00:15:32,832 --> 00:15:35,868
it would decompose and serve
as a natural mulch.
432
00:15:36,869 --> 00:15:38,938
It's in the daisy.
433
00:15:38,972 --> 00:15:40,940
And sure enough,
434
00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:43,076
if I dig around...
435
00:15:43,110 --> 00:15:46,713
I am all but guaranteed
to find...
436
00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:50,117
A pregnancy test.
437
00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:54,054
You could smoke those?
438
00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:02,629
(vomiting)
439
00:16:04,564 --> 00:16:06,566
(panting)
440
00:16:08,835 --> 00:16:10,037
Oh, no.
441
00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:11,604
So, you want
the Kennedy package?
442
00:16:11,638 --> 00:16:12,839
Bingo.
443
00:16:14,874 --> 00:16:17,177
One other little thing.
444
00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:19,346
When you do put a drink
in my hand,
445
00:16:19,379 --> 00:16:21,348
let's make it non-alcoholic.
446
00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:23,683
There's a chance
I might be pregnant.
447
00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:24,984
Okay, Linus,
448
00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:27,820
don't start popping
the sparkling cider just yet.
449
00:16:27,854 --> 00:16:30,057
I'm just being cautious.
450
00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:31,958
I'll take a test
when I get home.
451
00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:33,626
It can wait.
452
00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:37,030
Are Marvin and I
and any other future children
453
00:16:37,064 --> 00:16:38,065
we may have
454
00:16:38,098 --> 00:16:40,167
just some consolation prize?
455
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,202
I have to get out of here.
456
00:16:44,171 --> 00:16:47,574
*
457
00:16:47,607 --> 00:16:49,809
(sighs)
It can't wait.
458
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:54,181
*
459
00:16:55,948 --> 00:16:56,849
Lily, what a lovely...
460
00:16:56,883 --> 00:16:59,419
Can I use your powder room?
461
00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:03,090
*
462
00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:06,326
Two minutes. Here we go.
463
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:12,199
*
464
00:17:15,268 --> 00:17:17,737
Guys, we need to go back
to the hotel.
465
00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:21,941
Lily peed on that,
and you touched it.
466
00:17:22,975 --> 00:17:24,477
Lily?
467
00:17:26,913 --> 00:17:29,048
We're gonna have a baby?
468
00:17:32,285 --> 00:17:35,122
I told you guys
I could keep a secret.
469
00:17:36,989 --> 00:17:40,127
Uh, uh, Barney,
this-this is my mom.
470
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:42,095
Hi.
Hello.
471
00:17:42,129 --> 00:17:43,062
Oh.
472
00:17:43,096 --> 00:17:44,264
Oh, he's a hugger.
473
00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:45,532
Nothing like your dad.
474
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:47,100
(laughs)
475
00:17:47,134 --> 00:17:49,269
I'm sorry. I-I was
gonna tell you tonight.
476
00:17:49,302 --> 00:17:51,070
No. Oh, my God, no. It's fine.
477
00:17:51,104 --> 00:17:52,905
There's just...
there's so much we have to do.
478
00:17:52,939 --> 00:17:55,442
You know, we have to, um...
we have to do research on...
479
00:17:55,475 --> 00:17:57,277
uh, hospitals in Italy,
and we have to, uh...
480
00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:59,146
We're not going to Italy.
481
00:17:59,179 --> 00:18:00,980
Of course we are.
482
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:03,082
Lily, we have to do this.
483
00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:04,451
You're gonna live in Rome,
484
00:18:04,484 --> 00:18:06,653
and you're gonna get your dream,
because...
485
00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:08,955
because you're giving me mine.
486
00:18:09,989 --> 00:18:11,458
Again.
487
00:18:11,491 --> 00:18:13,293
But there's gonna be
all sorts of paperwork,
488
00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:15,562
and-and if she's born outside
of the U.S.,
489
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:17,096
she could never
become president.
490
00:18:17,130 --> 00:18:19,266
It's a girl?
491
00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:22,469
Oh. I don't know, but...
492
00:18:22,502 --> 00:18:24,804
in my mind,
I kind of think she is.
493
00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:25,905
Oh.
494
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:27,474
I love you so much.
495
00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:29,976
Mmm.
496
00:18:30,009 --> 00:18:32,011
We're gonna give you
some privacy.
497
00:18:34,514 --> 00:18:36,516
It's my room. Why
do I have to...?
498
00:18:36,549 --> 00:18:38,017
Just... come on.
499
00:18:41,188 --> 00:18:42,989
I thought this was
an exit.
No, balcony.
500
00:18:43,022 --> 00:18:44,123
Ah. Oh.
501
00:18:44,157 --> 00:18:46,293
Well, we'll just give them
a few minutes, and then...
502
00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:48,795
Mm-hmm.
...we'll go
back in and...
503
00:18:48,828 --> 00:18:50,129
Oh.
504
00:18:50,163 --> 00:18:52,432
Oh, they are both naked.
505
00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:53,666
Yeah, they work fast.
506
00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:55,702
Yes. (sighs)
507
00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:57,704
Oh, darling.
508
00:18:57,737 --> 00:18:59,706
Oh, you're going
to be fine.
509
00:18:59,739 --> 00:19:01,941
You know, for every marriage
in the world
510
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,976
like I had with your dad,
you know, there's...
511
00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:06,846
there's a marriage
like those two in there.
512
00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:08,981
And, oh, marriage is...
513
00:19:09,015 --> 00:19:10,317
Oh, it's terrifying.
514
00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:11,984
It's-it's like flying.
515
00:19:12,018 --> 00:19:15,188
You know, you're-you're filled
with this mortal dread,
516
00:19:15,222 --> 00:19:17,657
but if you find someone
you feel safe with,
517
00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:20,960
it's like flying!
518
00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:24,997
But if you got someone that you
feel is really there for you,
519
00:19:25,031 --> 00:19:27,066
someone you can depend on,
520
00:19:27,099 --> 00:19:29,536
you're gonna be fine.
521
00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:37,544
Do you have someone
like that?
522
00:19:37,577 --> 00:19:39,579
I do.
523
00:21:03,496 --> 00:21:04,964
...Daisy.
524
00:21:04,997 --> 00:21:07,199
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